Okay so I want to thank the two people who reviewed the last chapter. You two have been with me since the beginning and that's awesome. Thnak you to tommy4eva and luvtommy56. You two are amazing.
Chapter 10
I sat out on the balcony of the apartment building, strumming my guitar trying to find the melody that had been playing in my head all day. It feels like forever since I last picked up and just played around, writing a song. The only problem was, it was another song about Tommy. I wanted to write about anything else but it seemed he was my muse, always.
"Why don't you love me, the way I love you," I sang finally find the chords that fit. I was just getting the chorus down when I heard the sliding doors open.
"Copying me much," Sadie said flicking my ponytail as she sat down beside me.
I rolled my eyes as I set down my guitar. "Believe me, it wasn't my idea."
"I've heard what's going on at G Major Jude," Sadie said.
"So, you came to tell me I'm finally getting put in my place; that it's time somebody knocked me off my non-existent pedestal," I said sarcastically leaning back so I was staring at the sky. So of course I missed the brief flash of pain in my sister's eyes.
"I know I deserve that," she said softly. "Jude, I haven't been a good sister, truth is, I've been a jealous bitch. Your life is so amazing and I just feel like I'm constantly in the background being compared to my younger sister. It gets annoying."
"Sadie, that's an excuse and you know it," I said standing up. "We've never gotten along; since I can remember we've been fighting."
Sadie started to pace back and forth. "I hated you." I froze and stared at her in shock. "After you were born, I was no longer the baby or the only. But that was okay, because I figured once you got older, the novelty would wear off. But when you got older you had such talent. You wanted to sing and Dad got you that guitar and they drove you all over the country so you could sing at fairs and carnivals. I was always put on the back burner."
"Sadie," I said softly. I couldn't believe she had felt this way.
"I could never understand why they would drive three hundred miles so you could sing for a bunch of rednecks but they could never go to my ballet recitals or my school plays. I was forgotten well you were adored." Sadie had tears running down her face and she kept wiping them away in anger. She hated showing a weakness and she never cried, or at least I have never seen her cry. "It got better when I got in high school because it seemed you and Dad had started a club where only you guys could be the members. Well, you, him and Jamie. Mom and I got close, we hung out a lot and I got a parent finally. But I've never forgiven or forgotten how it felt to watch you be the one constantly in the spotlight."
"I never purposely left you out Sadie," I murmured quietly. "If anything I wanted to share it with you but you never seem interested. You always gave me the cold shoulder so I latched on to Dad. Maybe that was wrong of me but I can't take it back. All I can say now is I see the error of my ways."
"Dad isn't a bad guy Jude," Sadie said grabbing my hand and pulling me over to the chairs. She sat down and motioned for me to do the same. "I've talked with him, not lately, but he's going through a tough time too. He just wants to make things work with Yvette; we shouldn't begrudge him that."
"He should have made things work with his real family first Sadie," I said coldly. She may have forgiven dad but there was no way I was going to forgive him. Especially now that he couldn't even make the payments he had so generously told the court he'd give us. He was a selfish pig as far as I was concerned.
"I don't want to fight about him," Sadie said after a moment of silence. "I came over hear to tell you that I think what G Major is doing to you sucks."
"Really?" I asked surprised.
"Of course," Sadie said smiling at me for the first time. "You are a musical genius and to have them try and control that is crazy. Your fans love you because you aren't pretending to be something you aren't. Everybody can relate to you lyrics and you aren't afraid to just beā¦Jude. I wish I could be like that."
"Sadie if there is anybody who should be okay with who they are it's you," I said shaking my head at her. "You are gorgeous, you are so smart; I wish I had half the smarts you have. Maybe then I could get better than a C."
"You could if you paid better attention to the schoolwork then a chord change in your music," Sadie pointed out making us both laugh.
"True," I admitted. "Sadie, you can have any guy you want. Why are you so down on yourself?"
Sadie was quiet, I thought she wasn't going to answer but she surprised me once again. "I don't like who I've become Jude. I never thought I would be this way." When I just stared at her she sighed. "I've hurt you on more than one occasion when I should be thanking God for giving me a sister. Can you imagine going through this drama by yourself?"
"No," I replied honestly. As hard as it was having Sadie for a sister, it would be harder to go through the divorce, through life without her.
"I wanted Tommy because I knew you wanted him and I was hell bent on taking something away from you," Sadie said quickly like she had to say it now or she'd never say it.
I just stared at her in shock. I mean, I'd suspected for awhile that it had never been about real feelings but to hear her say it. That went beyond mean and straight into downright cruel.
"I know you probably hate me even more now but I had to say it," Sadie said standing up so she could pace again. "You've always gotten what you wanted and hear you were about to have freakin Little Tommy Q. from Boyz Attack. You hated Boyz Attack and I loved them. I didn't think it was fair so I pursued him. I was downright obvious half the time and the sad thing is, I think he thought we were only ever friends."
"I don't know what to say," I said finally standing up and grabbing my guitar. "Sadie, I know it took a lot for you to admit that so I want you to know it's not going to take very much for me to say go to hell." I could tell she wasn't surprised by my answer and as I walked out of the apartment and hailed a taxi, the only place I could even think about going was my favorite recording room. It was the only place I wanted to be right now.
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When I entered G Major it was almost ten pm and I was sure that the place would be empty, boy was I wrong. I heard music coming out of Studio A and I peaked inside surprised to find Jessie, the newest producer, sitting behind the mixing board. She was counting down and then I froze in the doorway, when I heard the words coming from the speakers.
Over your head,
Trying not to drown.
Reaching for a breath,
Before it drags you down.
Caught in between,
All the pain you feel,
You lost control,
Your letting go,
But I never will.
I took a deep breath as I walked farther in the room and I saw him. He was singing with his eyes closed, it was something I had taught him. When you sing with your eyes close you can put more into a song; you can picture what the songs about and not see all the technical things around you. It's just you, the music and the words.
I'm holding on for you,
I'm fighting for your life.
And when your blinded by this jaded world,
I'll be your eyes
Even if you fall,
I won't let you break.
When all the noise is telling you
To run away,
Run to me
Jenny finally noticed me and she just smiled and waved for me to come sit down beside her. "He sounds amazing doesn't he," she whispered like she didn't want to disturb the music coming from all around us.
"I didn't know he was recording," I finally said around the lump in my throat.
"I know, I was so surprised when he came to me asking me to produce his album," Jenny said her excitement evident in her tone and eyes. "I mean, this is Tom Quincy, he could have picked anyone but he picked me."
Day after day,
After all you seen,
Its alright if you feel like unraveling.
I'll be right here.
I'm pushing out the walls,
To find the place,
Where you can say,
Brave through it all.
"He must really think you have talent," I said when I could find the words.
I'm holding on for you,
I'm fighting for your life.
And when your blinded by this jaded world,
I'll be your eyes.
Even if you fall,
I won't let you break.
When all the noise is telling you
To run away,
Run to me.
I couldn't believe he was recording an album and he didn't tell me. I mean, I know I haven't exactly been talking to him and I've been wrapped up in my own problems but this was big, huge even. I'd pushed him to record less than a year ago and he said he wasn't ready and didn't know if he would ever be ready. 'I guessed that changed,' I thought bitterly standing up so I could leave him in peace. He obviously didn't want me to know so I didn't want him to notice me.
When I was lost,
Hanging on by a thread.
I knew I could run to you,
To find myself again.
I glanced back one last time and felt tears prick the back of my eyes. He looked so beautiful standing there, singing a song that was obviously meant for someone really special to him. I just prayed it wasn't for Sadie, she didn't deserve to have a song written about her. I just hoped that whoever it was for realized how special she was.
I'm holding on for you,
I'm fighting for your life.
And when your blinded by this jaded world,
I'll be your eyes.
And even when you fall,
I won't let you break.
When all the noise is telling you
To run away,
Run to me.
(Baby run to me)
I made it to Studio C and shut the door tightly as I made my way to my favorite couch in the corner of the room. I pulled out my guitar and my notebook and got to work writing the song that was inside my head. I'd probably never get to record it but at least I could write it out. Maybe ten years from now I could record my own music again, miracles happen every day, right?
