Well here's the latest update. I'm really getting into the story now. I'm excited because it's literally writing itself. I can't wait to hear what you think.R and R please.

Chapter 11

Why am I lonely
You're sitting right here
Why am I talking
It's like I'm talking to the air
What am I looking for
That just isn't there
Why am I angry
How'd it get so bad
And why am I missing
What we
Never really had

I paused then righting the chord change down before I picked the guitar back up. It'd been almost an hour since I'd heard Tommy singing and I still couldn't get his song out of my head. I wanted to know why he hadn't told me he was recording an album. He claimed to want to be my producer again, that he didn't want me to change and to fight to be myself. But he couldn't tell me about one of the most important decisions he'd made in his own life.

Why don't you love me
The way I love you
Why don't you feel things
As deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference
In matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me
Like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me

I was really getting into now, everything finally coming together. I barely glanced at my notebook now, the words forever imprinted in my mind.

Who am I kidding
It wasn't meant to be
But you wanted a believer
And I needed to believe
For every wall you built around you
I learned a brand new way to climb
And if I could've been your angel
I would've found a way to fly

It'd only been a week since I'd come home from the tour and my world had been turned upside down in every way imaginable. The one thing I hadn't admitted to myself was how much I wanted Tommy still. I'd spent so many days hating him, wishing I'd never met him but yet, it always came down to the fact that I wanted him, needed him but he didn't return the feelings.

Why don't you love me
The way I love you
Why don't you feel things
As deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference
In matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me
Like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me

"I don't understand you, what's it take to make you cry," I sang barely using the guitar now. "And if leaving you don't break you, then baby what's it matter why."

Why don't you love me
The way I love you
Why don't you feel things
As deep as I do
We've got a fundamental difference
In matters of emotion
But I need to feel you need me
Like a river needs an ocean
Baby why don't you love me

"Why don't you love me," I whispered the last words.

"I would venture a guess that that songs about a certain producer that most of your songs are about," someone said from the doorway.

My gaze flew to the doorway but I sighed in relief when I saw Spiederman. I couldn't deal with any more drama today and Spied was always good for a laugh. Things were simple and easy with Spied. I needed that tonight.

"Hey Spied," I said smiling as I laid my guitar down. I patted the seat beside me and waited for him to sit down beside to me.

"So you going to answer me?" he asked almost impatiently.

I stared at him trying to say without any words that I didn't want to talk about it. That he wasn't suppose to hear the song in the first place. Writing songs was like keeping a journal for me, I put everything I'm feeling into that moment. I didn't always like to share the songs I wrote, but Spied wasn't taking no for an answer. He was getting fidgety and beginning to even look a little angry.

"That song was private Spied," I finally said looking away.

"What's it going to take you to realize that Tommy isn't good for you," he said softly, like he was in pain. I looked at him surprised. "He chose Sadie over you for god's sakes. But still you mope after him and write stupid love songs about him."

"That song isn't stupid, it's everything I'm feeling and it means a hell of a lot to me," I said really pissed off now.

"Oh believe me, I know how much your precious Tommy means to you," he said sarcastically. "All I have to do is put in your album and I can hear everything you feel for the old guy."

"He is not old," I protested.

"Too old for you," Spied countered glaring at me. "I can't believe I'm sitting here, wasting my time, trying to explain to you how he's not good for you. It's always him, isn't it? I have tried to tell you-" he cut himself off standing up turning towards the doorway.

"Tried to tell me what," I said confused.

"That I like you dammit," he said facing me once again. "That whole tour everybody would poke fun at me because I was literally pining after you. Hell, I'd bring you breakfast in your damn bunk and still, you wrote song after song about Quincy. I'd sit up with you when you couldn't sleep and listen to you whine about the idiot and still, today, all you can think of is him."

I stared at Spied in utter shock. I had never knew he'd felt that way. I mean, Wally and Kyle kept hinting at something but I'd always thought it was them trying to embarrass me or Spied. But to hear him say that, a dozen times flashed through my head of Spied being there for me and I knew what he said was true. I was blind as a bat and that made me ashamed. Spied was one of my best friends now and he'd been hurting because once again, all I could see is Tommy. When was I going to realize that I couldn't have him, that he didn't want me. I stared at Spied and watched as he shook his head and looked so sad and hurt again, by me.

"Jamie was right, he's all you'll ever see, isn't he?" he asked softly.

I shook my head, no, not anymore anyways. I was finally going to try and close the book on me and Tommy. It was a short, uneventful story anyways. It was time; and as I stared into Spied's eyes I knew that I was going to be unfair to him because although I cared for him, I didn't love him. But maybe I could learn to love him.

I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in and kissed him softly. I wanted our first kiss to be simple, not passionate and full of emotion like mine and Tommy's was. It felt nice, not full of sparks and fireworks but maybe that was over rated anyways. Maybe what I needed was simple right now.

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Tommy's POV

I stood in the doorway watching Jude kiss Spied and all I can think is I'm too late once again. She's wrapped in his arms and I feel like a damn voyeur when they pull away and just smile at each other. I back away and head back to the studio to hear the final copy of Run To Me and hope to high hell that we'd finally gotten the kinks worked out. It's the first song I'd written since Frozen and I loved it.

"Did you find her?" Jessie asked as I walked back in.

"She's a little busy right now," I said sitting down. I still couldn't believe how happy I had gotten when she'd told me Jude had stopped in and heard my song. I had thought that maybe, hopefully, we could finally sit down and talk about the song and work through all our differences. But it seemed she'd already done that and moved on. Kwest had warned me that she didn't need me anymore but I had my hopes.

"I think it's good Tom," Jessie said as she pressed the play button. I closed my eyes and listened carefully, listening for bad notes but it sounded perfect. Just right in fact, Darius couldn't hate this song. But even if he did, I could walk, there wasn't anything keeping me here anymore.

"It's good," I said standing up. "Lets call it a night, we'll present it to Darius in the morning." Jessie nodded and started cleaning up. I should of stayed and helped but I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door. I had to get away. All I could see was Jude wrapped in Spiederman's arms and it made me sick.

I drove home on autopilot, the last thing I remembered was climbing into the viper and the next thing I knew I was pulling into my driveway. I walked into the dark house dropping my keys on the little table by the door. I walked through the dark back to the kitchen where I grabbed a beer and made my way to my room. Nobody had ever seen this room, it was my own inner sanctum. I turned the light on and my eyes were immediately drawn to the picture on my bedside table.

It was my favorite picture of her. She was smiling at the camera and not her publicity smile but a real one. It was all teeth and I thought she was gorgeous. It had been her first live performance at her high school. I remember how scared she was but most of all I remembered how she'd rocked. Yeah people had gotten up and walked out but there were always going to be haters in the world. I think that when I first started falling for her.

She had only been fifteen but damn she had a fire in her. She was more mature than most of the artist I had worked with in the past. I watched her from the sidelines after that. She grew up fast, the music industry does that to you. It either makes you or breaks you and she never let it get her down. Or if she did she never let on.

My fondest memory of her was when she walked down the stairs at her sixteenth birthday party and she smiled at me like she knew that I felt something for her and that she had faith in me. Nobody has ever had faith in me like that. Then I had to go and kiss her and then tell her in never happened. I was doing it more for her than me, I knew what how the press would tear her apart if they ever found out about it. I could handle it, hell, I was the king of controversy. But she didn't know the names they would call her, the lies they'd print. I wanted to protect her but in doing that, I'd hurt her more than her dad or Shay ever could.

I walked over and sat down on the side of my bed and put my head in my hands. I wish I could go back in time and just tell everybody to shove it and take what she so innocently offered me. But I had to do the noble thing. I hated myself for that and after tonight, I think I hated her even a little bit. I never thought she'd give up on me but she was slowly turning into one of Darius's little puppets. She dyed her hair for him, wore what he wanted, sang what he wanted and now she was going to date her lead guitarist. Darius was sure to approve.

I wish I could just walk away like my head was telling me too. I didn't need this crap anymore. G Major was no longer the place it use to be. Artists like Shay and Eden were a dime a dozen. The only real artist they had was Jude and she was losing everything that set her apart from the masses. I could go anywhere, I didn't have to sit here and pretend like I thought Darius was the man.

But my heart wouldn't let me leave because one day Jude was going to open her eyes. She would tell him to go to hell and she would walk away. I wanted to be there, applauding her every move and then I wanted to walk with her. I couldn't give up on her because it'd be like giving up on a part of myself. Jude was everything to me, it'd just taken to long for me to realize that. Now it was my turn to sit on the sidelines and wait until she came to her senses. I just hoped she didn't get burned in the process.