Chapter 6
"...oooohhh..."
I blinked as a faint warbling sound rippled through the air, jerking me out of my laughter. "The heck...?"
"You heard it too?" Zoro called up to me.
"Good chance of it being the wind," Nami shrugged indifferently. "The rock formations around here are pretty unusual."
"I'm not so sure about that..." I frowned slightly, wracking my brain. That noise was... familiar... where had I...? "Soundbite, could you-?"
Soundbite mimicked a rewinding cassette for a second before finally...
"...wwwooooh..."
I cocked an eyebrow at the replay. "That... was a lot clearer than I remember."
Soundbite's skin became a shade of gray more ashen than his usual gunmetal as the blood drained from his face. "THAT wasn't ME!" he yelped.
I snapped my eyes to the snail in disbelief. "Excuse me!?"
"...wwwooooOOOOHHH..."
I shuddered as the sound came again, this time a full factor louder. That was really, really, really familiar...
"Hey!" Usopp called down from where he was hanging onto the mainmast's yardarm, pulling down one of the lenses of his goggles in curiosity. "I think there's something up ahead!"
"Yeah!" Sanji concurred, pointing at the mists dead ahead of us. "It looks like a mountain!"
"Huh?" Nami blinked in confusion. "That can't be right, all that's supposed to be past here is the Twin Capes!"
"Then what the hell do you call that!?" Zoro demanded, pointing at the dark silhouette that was starting to come into view, almost as large as the Red Line itself.
"What the hell!?" Nami blurted in disbelief. "But... that chart was accurate! There aren't any mountains here!"
I narrowed my eyes at the silhouette as I tried to connect the dots. Massive form, smack dab where there should be nothing of the sort. And that noise... I knew that noise, I know I'd heard that noise before. Now if only I could remember what that noise-
"BWWWWOOOOOOOHHHH!"
...Aaaaah Sea King shite.
"That's no mountain," I whispered numbly.
The crew looked at me in confusion for a second...
"BWWWOOOOHHHH!"
"THAR SHE BLOWS!" Soundbite cried out.
Before snapping their heads around at the newest reiteration of the noise, the mist finally parting just enough to give us a clear view of what was in our way.
And what a what he was.
"HOLY CRAP, THAT'S A WHALE!" Usopp shrieked in terror.
'No,' I couldn't help but mentally correct Usopp as I stare up at the entity towering before us. 'That's no whale.'
And indeed he wasn't. Or at least, he wasn't just a whale. Oda did his best, but he didn't really do Laboon justice. Not his fault, really. It was hard to truly render such a beast with mere pen and paper. He was... I suppose titan would be the most apt word. A massive, dominating form of flesh and blood wrapped in pitch-black skin. He was almost as big as some of the largest creatures we'd seen on the fringes of the Calm Belt, and I was beyond certain that he could - would, judging by the building-sized teeth I could just spy poking out of the corners of his mouth - have eaten some of the smaller ones I'd seen.
To put it simply, Laboon was... well, he was glorious.
He was also going to crush us with his gargantuan frame without moving so much as a muscle.
As we rushed towards the literally killer whale, my crewmates panicking wildly around me, I found myself falling back onto the option my mind found most logical at the moment.
"Pfff..."
I laughed.
"PFFHAHAHA!" I guffawed, barely managing to support myself on the Merry's railing as laugh after laugh after laugh bubbled up and out of my bubbling stomach.
"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU LAUGHING ABOUT, DUMBASS!?" Nami shrieked as she grabbed me by my collar.
I froze momentarily as the question hit me. Now that I thought about it... why was I laughing? I mean, after all, there was nothing funny about our situation! We were hurtling towards death at speeds almost guaranteed to break every bone in our bodies! This wasn't humorous, this was dangerous! This was fatal! This was abso-freaking-lutely exhilira-!... Oooooohhhh...
I plastered a shaky grin on my face as I chuckled nervously. "Ahh... would this be a bad time to inform you that I think I just figured out that I'm an adrenaline junky?"
"WHAT!?"
Before I could respond, a massive BOOM shook the ship before we were jerked to a slower pace, throwing us all off our feet.
Nami blinked in confusion as she tried to get her limbs beneath herself. "What the hell was that!?"
Soundbite's eyes twisted around for a second before locking dead ahead. "Dumbass!" he spat out in Nami's voice.
Nami and I followed Soundbite's line of sight... and promptly noticed the trail of smoke wafting upwards.
"THE CANNON!" my crewmates shrieked in horror.
I, however, was more focused on the fact that Laboon was still coming closer and closer!
"Yeah!" Luffy called out from beneath the forecastle. "Did it work? Did we stop?"
"Not quite!" I barked out, leaping up and wrapping the rigging around my arm again.
"BRACE FOR IMPACT!" Soundbite hollered.
A second later, we thumped against Laboon's hide. Thankfully, the majority of the impact to the ship was negligible.
CRACK!
I winced as Merry's head was snapped not-very-cleanly from her neck. That... not so much.
"This is bad..." Nami whimpered as she held onto Merry's railing for dear life, her eyes halfway devoid of life. "Am I dead?"
"Nooot yet..."
"AAAH! MY SPECIAL SEAT!"
I winced as Luffy's voice bellowed out, filled with equal parts horror and fury. "Give it a minute, though, I'm sure you won't have to wait long."
"We're not waiting, period!"
"OOMPH!" I wheezed as Zoro tossed one of Merry's oars at me, with Usopp quickly helping me pick it up.
"Come on!" he ordered as Sanji helped him lower the other oar into the water. "Let's get out of here before that thing reacts!"
"Seriously!" Usopp yelped as he jerked the oar into motion alongside me. "Is this thing so big that it didn't notice a freaking cannon firing into it or is it just slow!?"
"I think it's more the former than the latter!" I grunted as I alternated between pushing and pulling the wooden stick. "After all, from my experience? The intelligence of animals can seriously surprise you at times!"
"REPRESENT!" Soundbite nodded firmly.
"After all, you'd expect a snail that can speak to have at least half a braincell..."
"OI!"
"HEY! LISTEN UP!"
We all froze as Luffy's voice bellowed out.
Apparently Laboon noticed as well, if the way his body sunk down into the water just enough so that his gargantuan eye could loom over us.
Nami swallowed heavily as she eyed our captain nervously. "Luffy..." she attempted to placate him desperately. "I realize you might be angry, but that thing's a million times your weight. Whatever you do, don't do anything stupid-!"
"BASTARD!" Luffy hollered, snapping his arm out and punching square into the center of Laboon's cornea.
"LIKE THAT, YOU MORON!" the rest of the crew shrieked.
"You can't seriously be surprised by this..." I sighed with a weary grin.
If I had to guess, though, Laboon almost certainly was if the way his pupil jerked down to stare dead at us was anything to go by.
"He's noticed us..." Nami choked out.
"AND I'LL MAKE HIM NOTICE US EVEN MORE!" Luffy roared.
"SHUT UP, DUMBASS!" Zoro and Usopp ordered as they tackled him and started doing their utmost best to keep him quiet.
I made to say something... and froze as I caught sight of Laboon twitching slightly. "I think that might be too little too late!"
"BWWWOOOOHHHH!"
As if to prove me right, Laboon suddenly moved, his mass shifting far faster than anything even half his size had a right to move as he twisted his head around and snapped his mouth open, allowing a veritable waterfall-worth of water to cascade down his throat.
I cursed as the Merry suddenly jerked forwards. Correction, a waterfall-worth of water and us!
"Hold onto something!" I cried, one hand clutching Soundbite to my chest while my other twisted itself into the rigging as tight as it could go.
"WAAAAH!" Luffy cried in panic as the Merry's deck suddenly bucked just a tad too hard, throwing Luffy well clear off our ship and to parts unknown. "I'M GONNA FALL IN!"
"WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST SAY!?"
"LOOK OUT!" Usopp screamed in terror. "WE'RE GOING DOWN!"
And indeed, down we went. Down and down and down, twisting and swaying and swinging every which way there was to swing. It was like the world's most absolutely insane rollercoaster. It was pitch-black, it was wild, and it out and out reeked.
Finally, the Merry hit a steady downward slide. It was uncontrolled, yes, but at least we weren't in danger of going overboard every other second anymore.
I panted heavily as I fought to get some air back in my lungs, and my legs beneath my body. "Sou-!" I panted for a second before slapping Soundbite onto my shoulder and tapping his shell. "Sound off!"
"Here."
"Hey."
"I'll live."
"I think I've got 'I'm-terrified-beyond-all-belief' disease..."
"Right there with you..." I twisted my head around wearily, trying to spy anything in the pitch-black darkness. "Anybody have any idea where we are? Beyond the obvious, I mean."
"Can't see shit, cap'n!"
"CRAP! Luffy! Where's Luffy!?"
"Last I saw he was being thrown overboard," I supplied. "Buuut I wouldn't worry. Anyone else and I'd say they were sinking to a tea party with Davy Jones. Him? Ten berries says he's making his way down this thing's blowhole and he'll meet up with us sooner or later."
"I'll take that action!"
"You have no shame, do you, witch?"
"DON'T CALL NAMI-SWAN A-!"
"Uh, guys?"
"WHAT!?"
"We're not dead yet, right?"
"I'm not sporting wings and a halo, so no."
"The hell makes you think you're going up there, snailmail?"
"Pff, compared to you and most people on these seas? I'm a freaking saint! Er, the literal kind, not the batshit evil inbred kind."
"Oh, screw-!"
"So we're still alive, yeah?"
"Yes, Usopp, we're still alive!"
"Then could someone explain the light at the end of the tunnel?"
We all turned towards the approximate direction of the aft and caught sight of the bright light illuminating the darkness. A bright light that was coming up fast.
"Hold on!" I barked out.
And with that, Merry splashed down into the light, the suddenly even water killing our momentum and bringing us to a firm and final halt.
We slowly clambered to our feet, looking around in order to catch sight of our surroundings... and promptly staring in disbelief.
"Uh... guys?" I squeaked numbly.
"You seeing what I'm seein'?!" Soundbite demanded.
"That depends..." Nami said slowly, her tone very carefully neutral. "Are you seeing the big blue sky after we got swallowed by a whale, not to mention an island with a palm tree and house on it?"
"Yup." Zoro, Usopp and Sanji nodded solemnly.
"Ah..." Nami nodded stiffly. "Then there are two possibilities: one, we've all gone batshit insane."
I proceeded to give Nami a look.
"...point. Alright, in that case... yeah, I've got nothing."
"Never thought I'd see the day..." I mused to myself as I looked around. I racked my brain as I tried to recall the exact details of what had happened around now, cursing my past self for passing up the chance to reread the series when I had it. "Well, at any rate... maybe we actually are in the belly of the whale? The walls could be painted or something."
Zoro stared at me in disbelief. "You can't be serious."
I slapped a hand to my chest and raised my hand towards the pseudo-sky. "May a Sea King strike me down should I lie!"
SPLASH! "GRAAAOOOO!"
"AAAAAGH! SEA KING!"
Oh, riiiight.
Faced with the titan-sized serving of fresh calamari that was barreling towards me, my mind promptly stalled against my will, causing me to blurt out the first thing that came to mind.
"May the Sea King be struck down should I lie!"
TH-TH-THUNK!
I blinked in surprise as a trio of harpoons burst out from between the Titan Squid's eyes, causing it to twitch once, twice, three times before it slowly collapsed backwards, its blood and ink staining the stomach acid.
I stared at the scene in shock before snapping my gaze upwards. "May a billion berries fall from the sky should I lie!"
Nothing.
I scowled in disappointment. "Seriously? What omnipotent being worth their divine salt doesn't do things in threes!?"
"RIPOFF!" Soundbite concurred.
"What the hell kind of place is this?!" Nami sobbed miserably.
"I wanna go ho-o-ome!" Usopp concurred.
"Cram it, peanut gallery," Zoro growled as he clicked one of his swords out of its sheath ever so slightly. "We're not alone."
"Here's hoping they're human," Sanji smirked as he puffed out a plume of smoke.
We all tensed as the door to the house slowly edged itself open, allowing someone... mostly human to step out. I mean, old and humanoid Crocus might have appeared, but seriously, there was no way in hell that stuff on his head was hair. Then again, considering where I was...
"Is that... actually a human!?" Usopp blinked in disbelief.
"Could be a flower-man," I shrugged. "I mean, seriously, between the minks, the fish/mer-folk and the long-limb tribes, I wouldn't put it past this world."
"Well, whatever he is, don't let your guard down," Zoro growled as he tightened his grip on his katana. "He just took down a Sea King-size squid like it was nothing."
"Mm..." Sanji mused nervously. "Chances are, either he just saved us... or he was fishing. Which make me wonder... what does he have in store for us?"
Almost in response, Crocus snapped his eyes up to glare at us. We all tensed furiously as his eyes peered into us, another thing Oda's pen simply couldn't fully capture. I think I finally understood how a simple doctor managed to get someone with the name of D., much less any of the Pirate King's crewmates, to sit down long enough for halfway-decent treatment: by terrifying the ever-loving shit out of them.
And so... we waited.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited...
Until finally...
Crocus sunk into a lawnchair and flipped open a newspaper.
"WILL YOU SAY SOMETHING ALREADY!?" Sanji roared indignantly.
Crocus cocked an eyebrow at the outburst, but before he could respond, Usopp barked up... from the Merry's kitchen. "H-H-HEY! Y-YOU LOOKING FOR A FIGHT?! B-BECAUSE I'M WARNING YOU, WE'VE GOT A CANNON!"
"And yet our sniper isn't even anywhere close to manning it," I noted flatly.
Crocus seemed to twitch as his glare redoubled. "Forget it. If you do that... someone's gonna die."
Without warning, the glare was well and truly back.
And so... we waited.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited...
Until finally...
"Oh yeah?" Sanji said, breaking the silence with a convincing amount of bravado, though I could see sweat bead on his forehead. "And who would that be?"
"Me."
"LISTEN, YOU-!" Sanji snapped, putting one foot on the railing of Merry as if to launch himself at Crocus.
Thankfully, Zoro placed a hand on Sanji's shoulder, halting him in place. Good thing too; while I doubt Crocus would be capable of stopping a cannonball as he was, a no-name East Blue cook like Sanji would most likely be no problem.
"No need to get angry, alright?" our first mate smirked, no doubt revelling in Sanji's loss of control. "Listen, old man, we've got some questions for you: who are you, and where the heck are we?"
Crocus snapped a glare to the swordsman, freezing us all in place.
And so... we waited.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited...
Until finally...
"Young man..." he growled. "Isn't it impolite to demand questions of others before you introduce yourself?"
Zoro swallowed heavily as he fought to steady his nerve, plastering an apologetic grin on his face. "Y-yeah, good point. Sorry about that. I'll start: my name is-"
"My name is Crocus," the old doctor interrupted, his tone not shifting so much as a decibel the entire time. "I am the keeper of the Twin Capes Lighthouse. I'm 71 and a half years old, Gemini, my blood type is AB, and my favorite food is-"
"I'M GONNA CHOP HIM UP!" Zoro snapped in an almost identical manner to Sanji, Wado Ichimonji halfway out of its sheath.
"Calm down, he was just answering," I rolled my eyes with a snigger as I clapped a hand down on his shoulder. Soundbite was barely restraining his laughter as it was.
"So you want to know where you are, hm?" Crocus suddenly asked out of the blue. "A logical question, but your rude disposition is making me disinclined to accommodate you. You invade my private resort and act like a bunch of big-shots? Hmph! Besides, I'd think your current location to be rather obvious, considering how hard it is to miss the front door!"
Usopp paled in horror. "Y-y-you mean we're really in that whale's stomach!?"
"But I don't want to be digested!" Nami wailed miserably.
Without warning, Crocus's glare came back at full force and we found ourselves frozen stiff.
And so... we waited.
We waited.
And waited.
And waited...
Until finally...
"WILL YOU STOP DOING THAT!?" my crewmates shrieked, their nerves appearing to override their terror.
"Geeze, guys, lighten up, would you?" I sighed as I dug a finger in my ear. Damn they could be loud sometimes. "Can't you appreciate a decent running gag?"
"THAT WAS A GAG!?"
Soundbite roared and hollered with laughter as he swung his head side to side on my shoulder. "HI-LARIOUS!"
"At least the boy and his snail have a decent sense of humor!" Crocus sniffed.
"Eighteen, just for the record!"
"Whatever you say, brat."
At least I tried…
"Anyways... if you and yours want out, that's fine by me. The exit's right over there." And with that, Crocus jabbed his thumb at the pair of doors embedded into the horizon.
"Wait, what!?" Nami yelped in shock. "What's an exit doing inside a whale's stomach!? And... why is it on the sky in the first place?"
"Noooot quite." I shrugged. "Really now, Nami. I'm quite surprised you didn't realize it in the first place. It's soooo obvious."
"Huh?" Nami blinked at me in confusion.
"Wait..." Usopp squinted at the 'sky'. "I think I see what he's getting at! Look! The clouds! T-they're not moving! They really are painted!"
"Aaaaand there's no wind blowing either. Really, Nami..." I shook my head with a sigh. "I'm quite shocked you didn't realize it sooner. It should have been obvious. For a great navigator such as you, anyways."
Nami stammered messily for a moment before looking away with a huff and an iridescent blush. "So I got freaked out and wasn't paying attention. 's not a big deal... OH SHUT UP!" That particular roar was directed at Soundbite as he cackled madly.
"But still, the clouds!" Usopp reiterated, gesturing at our surroundings. "Why the hell are they up there!?"
"It's... a hobby." Crocus informed us flatly.
"Makes sense." I nodded firmly.
"It's only healthy!" Soundbite confirmed.
"ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR MINDS!?" Usopp demanded.
"We can deal with their brand of crazy later!" Zoro barked, slapping his hand down on Usopp's shoulder. "For now, let's get out of here before anything else happens!"
"BWWWOOOOHHHH!"
Without warning, Laboon's stomach all but literally jumped, his stomach acid flipping and jostling madly.
"Like that!"
Crocus shook his head with a despondent sigh. "And there he goes again..."
I grunted as I supported myself on the Merry's railing. Sea legs I might have, but this was out and out ridiculous. I really, really hope that things even out soon, or else I'm going to wind up swabbing my own puke off of Merry's-!
"Sad!"
I blinked as Soundbite suddenly spoke up. "Say what?"
"Sad! SO sad!" the baby transponder snail lamented with a shiver.
"You're only just now figuring that out?" I asked in confusion.
Soundbite shuddered and shook his head furiously. "NO! Wasn't listening BEFORE! Too SCARED! Listening NOW! And sad! SO sad! Sad-sad-sad-sad-sad!"
Crocus sniffed heavily. "That snail's got a good sense of hearing. Currently the whale we're inside is ramming his head against the Red Line out of despair."
"What!?" Zoro and Sanji gasped in disbelief.
"I guess that would explain the amount of scars on this guy's head..." Nami mused sadly. "And even I could hear the misery in his cries."
"WORSE!" Soundbite shook his head even harder. "Worse THAN you can IMAGINE! PAIN! MISERY! SUFF-E-RING!"
"And you're the reason why, aren't you?" Nami snapped her attention around to Crocus furiously. "You're in here to kill the whale from the inside!"
"Now that I doubt," I cut in swiftly. "Look around you: we're in the dead center of this guy's gut, and presumably Old Man Crocus over there has been in here for even longer. Considering what he did to that squid, I imagine he'd be able to play whatever merry hell he wanted to on this poor whale's insides with his bare hands, much less those harpoons. If he actually meant it any harm, he'd have done it by now. No..." I looked at the old doctor contemplatively. "That's not even remotely your purpose here, is it?"
Crocus didn't respond, merely cocking an eyebrow as he stared up at me, what appeared to be a glimmer of respect in his gaze.
"We can figure that all out later!" Zoro snarled as he and Sanji moved to grab up the oars that had been rattling across the deck in the midst of the chaos. "Right now, we need to try and get to the exit before we capsize!"
"Easier said than done!" Sanji grunted. "This sloshing's making it damn near impossible to steer!"
"Well try, damn it! Otherwise-!"
SPLASH!
"Hey!" Usopp yelped. "That old guy just dove in!"
And indeed, Crocus was no longer on the island. Instead, he was a blurry form in the off-color acid, swimming straight towards the doors that marked our only way out.
"Looks like he's heading for the exit too, huh?" Usopp muttered. "I guess he wants to leave before this crazy whale kills him too!"
"Now if he were willing to up and leave like that, why would he go to all the trouble of setting up a home in this guy's stomach?" I questioned.
"I... uhhh..."
Before Usopp could formulate a response, Laboon let loose another warbling moan before settling down, the acidic tsunamis subsiding to little more than mere swells.
"Well, that's quite a bit better. He must be pulling back for another run," I noted calmly.
"Whatever is going on, I couldn't care less! Let's row for safety, now!" Zoro ordered.
And indeed, we did just that. We rowed and rowed, coming within a hundred feet of the exit to Laboon's gut...
KA-BAM!
"WAAAAGH!"
When suddenly a smaller door on the gates burst open, spraying out quite the odd trio: a man pretending to be a prince, a princess pretending to be a mercenary-slash-bountyhunter, and a pirate destined to be the ruler of the seas.
Quite honestly, I felt like there was a joke in there somewhere.
Zoro blinked as Luffy flew over us. "Well I'll be damned. Looks like you were right, Cross."
I started to nod in agreement... before slapping a hand to my face as a thought struck me. "Ahhh damn it!"
"Huh? What's wrong?" Nami asked.
"I just realized! I could have asked for a thousand berries!"
Nami blinked in confusion for a second... before scowling and ramming a hand into her pocket. "Yeah yeah, I get the message..."
I grinned cheekily as she slapped the bill into my waiting palm. "Pleasure doing business with ya!"
"Thank you, call again!" Soundbite chirped in a faux-indian accent.
"Hey! As much as I appreciate you helping me get one over on the witch, mind giving me a hand here?" Zoro called as he hauled on a rope that was cast overboard. "You know, before our captain either drowns or gets digested?"
A quick moment of hustle and bustle later, made easier by the fact that Laboon finally calmed down, and we had one familiar face and two strangers on board our ship.
"So you guys are still alive, huh?" Luffy grinned. "That's nice!"
"Good to see you too, Luffy!" I smiled at my captain before directing my attention towards his two 'friends' with a frown, knocking them out of their hushed conversation. "And I see you brought guests with you. I don't suppose either of you would be inclined to share your name with us, would you?"
Quite predictably, both Miss Wednesday and Mr. 9 averted their eyes with a huff.
"Hmph. I was afraid of that. Well, in that case, I suppose I'll just need to borrow these, won't I?"
The Frontier Agents tensed and made to stop me as I slid the cannons they'd been clutching since we'd dragged them out of the acid out of their reach. However, before either of them could protest, they were frozen by the shink of a blade - Wado Ichimonji, most likely - sliding partway out of its sheath.
I whistled as I leaned down to examine what had to be about half my body mass in pure gun. "Damn... this is some nice hardware; I'm not an artillery expert and even I can tell that." I gave them an accusing glare. "Mind telling me who or what you want to die in a blaze of high-explosive glory?"
Before either of the agents could respond in any manner, a very loud, very familiar and very cantankerous voice bellowed out from behind us.
"AS LONG AS I LIVE!" Crocus roared indignantly. "YOU WILL NEVER HARM LABOON!"
"Huh?" Luffy blinked in confusion. "Who's he?"
"That would be Old Man Crocus," I supplied. "From what I can tell, he's a guy who lives here in the stomach of the whale that swallowed us. A whale whose name I'm guessing..."
I slammed my foot down on the bazooka's grip moments before Mr. 9 could grab it.
"Is Laboon."
Soundbite loosed a vicious growl that was equal parts doberman and german shepard, prompting the agents to reel back in terror.
"C-come now!" Mr. 9 reasoned desperately. "It's just whaling! Y-you're pirates, surely we can come to an understanding, no?"
I cocked an eyebrow as I gave the man a decidedly unimpressed look. "Back where I'm from, whaling is a pretty hefty crime. Besides the fact that it's damn amoral, I mean. But hey, I'm just the Comms Officer. What say you, captain?"
Luffy was silent as he examined the two, looking them up and down for a moment before speaking. "You two came in here so that you could shoot this whale in the stomach, where he couldn't even defend himself?"
Mr. 9 and Miss Wednesday glanced at each other for a moment before grinning and nodding eagerly.
WHAM!
The crew and I reeled in shock as Luffy's fists lashed out and bounced the pair's skulls off the Merry's railing.
Luffy crossed his arms with a snort. "They had it coming." He nodded firmly.
"Sca~ary," Soundbite whispered.
"And don't you forget it..." I whispered right back.
A few minutes later, we were making our way out of Laboon's stomach and away from his acid, with Crocus hitching a ride in order to show us the way out and with Miss Wednesday and Mr. 9 tied back to back and leaned against the Merry's mast.
"Laboon is an Island Whale," Crocus explained tiredly, glaring darkly at the pair of would-be assassins. "They're the largest species of whales in the world, and they live exclusively in the West Blue. These jokers," he jutted his chin forwards with a sniff. "Live in a nearby village. They claim that they want to kill Laboon for his meat, on account of how it could feed them for a few years with him alone."
Luffy gave Crocus a flat look. "That's just stupid. This guy could only feed them for three weeks, tops."
I gave Luffy a flat look. "Your answer terrifies me beyond all belief for so many reasons."
"Regardless, I'm not going to give you or anyone else the chance to find out," Crocus spat.
"Why do you care so much about this whale anyways?" Zoro asked bluntly. He then proceeded to grunt as he was suddenly smacked upside the back of his head. "OW! The hell was that for, you two!?"
"For being an ass!" Nami growled.
"Seriously, man, learn some tact," I shook my head firmly.
"BRUTE!" Soundbite sniffed.
"Coming from you? That's rich."
"Regardless of how rude the question might have been, I suppose it's a fair one..." Crocus bowed his head with a sigh. "I'll start at the beginning. You see... there's a reason that Laboon keeps pounding his head against the Red Line and crying at Reverse Mountain. I've been this lighthouse's keeper for awhile now. One day, a friendly group of pirates came down Reverse Mountain, and right behind them was a little baby whale. Laboon."
"A pirate crew with a whale as a pet? Now I've heard it all," Usopp whistled.
"First, we've only just gotten on the Grand Line. And second?" I pointed at Soundbite. "It's not like we have much room to talk."
Crocus chuckled as he looked our snail over. "Yes... Pirate crews can come across the most interesting of companions. These pirates had been travelling with Laboon for several years by then. They'd intended to leave Laboon behind in the West Blue because they knew that the Grand Line was dangerous, that Laboon wouldn't survive. But... they didn't take into account that Laboon had adopted them as its pod, so it followed them here."
The lighthouse keeper smiled wistfully as he relived his age-old memories. "Their ship was damaged in the crossing, as most big ships are. They stayed here for several months as they made repairs, and I became good friends with both them and Laboon. And then, when they left, their captain asked me to care for Laboon for a few years, at least until they came back. They said that they would circumnavigate the world and come back... so Laboon and I agreed to wait here together."
"So the reason he keeps banging against the Red Line and crying-?" Nami asked slowly.
Crocus shook his head slowly. "Not... quite. You see... Laboon's friends left just about fifty years ago."
Even knowing it was coming, I could barely restrain my wince.
"But nonetheless... Laboon still thinks his crew is coming back."
We lapsed into an uncomfortable silence for a bit until Luffy decided to be Luffy, looking around at the corridor we were in for a second before whistling in awe. "You know, this place is kind of cool, old man! Did you build it?"
"Lemme guess, another hobby?" Usopp deadpanned.
Crocus chuckled sardonically. "A hobby? Yes, I suppose so. A doctor's hobby. I may not look it, but I used to be a physician, long ago. I was even a ship's doctor for a few years. Ahh, those were the days..."
"Wow, you were a ship's doctor?!" Luffy grinned eagerly. "Cool! Hey, what about joining my crew as our doctor?"
My eyebrows shot up in shock as Crocus seemed to undergo a momentary heart attack, paling and tensing suddenly as though he'd just seen a ghost before swiftly bringing his reactions back under control. I barely managed to repress a grin; the collective Will of D. was no doubt alive and well, but there was no question as to who had inherited Roger's, that was for sure.
Nevertheless, Crocus snorted and looked away dismissively. "Me? Act as a doctor for a bunch of reckless whippersnappers like you at my age? The mere idea is ridiculous."
Before Luffy could make to press the point, we were forced to stop our forward motion as we came up to a large gateway. Without missing a beat, Crocus jumped off the ship and started climbing a ladder that led to a walkway that lined the corridor.
"Are doctors living inside whales common on the Grand Line?" Nami asked semi-seriously.
"Ha!" Crocus barked out a laugh. "Not common, no, but I'm far from the oddest thing you'll see. I didn't have much choice in the remodelling, anyways. Laboon got too big and my treatments weren't doing anything from the outside, so I had to improvise." The old man let out a grunt as he started to turn a large wheel. "Careful now, I'm opening the floodgates."
With a grinding KLANG, the gates shifted open, allowing us to flow out in a flood of seawater and body fluids I did not want to identify.
"Woohoo! The real sky! Finally!" Luffy whooped.
However, our joy was cut down slightly by the sound of Miss Wednesday and Mr. 9 groaning and stirring as they came around from their Luffy-grade naps.
"So what should we do with these clowns?" Zoro asked grimly.
"Personally?" Crocus said as he got back onboard. "I advocate throwing them overboard."
"With or without the ropes?" I queried sarcastically.
"Oh don't be an idiot." Nami rolled her eyes as she undid the pair's binds. "Zoro, if you'd be so kind?"
The swordsman promptly complied, grabbing the two by their collars and tossing them into the sea.
After a moment of flailing, cursing, and rampant vengeance-swearing, the pair proceeded to swim away and out of sight.
"Ahh... Miss Wednesday, hmm?" Sanji swooned as he somehow blew hearts of smoke. "There's nothing more romantic than a woman of mystery."
"You do realize this 'woman of mystery' was toting a high-calibre cannon and most likely wouldn't think twice about snapping you like a twig, right?" I deadpanned.
"Ahhh, but what a way to die..."
"Deathwish," Soundbite intoned flatly.
"Tell me about it..." I rolled my eyes.
"Ooh, hey, what's this?" Luffy asked as he looked over a very particular item that the pair had dropped.
"Yoink!" I jerked the Log Pose out of my Captain's hand.
"Hey!" Luffy whined.
"It looks fragile," I shrugged. "You don't wanna break it, do you?"
"Mmm..." Luffy pouted, but thankfully dropped the issue.
"Should we really let them go if they plan on trying again?" Nami questioned uneasily.
Crocus scoffed as he watched them leave. "It doesn't matter what we do, there will always be more whalers. Besides, I've got more than enough practice and Laboon is tough. We'll be fine."
As Laboon reeled himself up and started wailing at the Red Line, we relocated ourselves up onto the cliffs of the Red Line, at the base of one of the lighthouses.
"So..." Luffy mused as he relaxed against a rock outcropping. "He's been waiting fifty years for his crew, and he still thinks they're coming back for him. Man, those guys have kept him waiting for a long time... I hope they get back soon."
I shook my head with a tsk. "Sorry to tell you this, Cap, but I've read this kind of story a dozen times over. It's not one that has a happy ending."
"Yeah," Sanji agreed, taking a puff of his cigarette. "They said they'd take a few years. It's been fifty. Do the math." He grimaced, before continuing. "They're dead. He'll be waiting until the end of time."
"How can you two be so cynical!?" Usopp demanded in a huff. "You can't know that, they could still come back! This is a heartbreaking enough story as it is! Sure, they've been stalled-!"
"I'm afraid," Crocus said solemnly. "That the truth is even harsher than what you assume, and given the chance I'd make it a reality. But the fact is, those pirates fled the Grand Line. I have it from a reliable source."
"They abandoned the poor whale?" Nami demanded, incredulous. "But to do that, they'd have to pass through the Calm Belt!"
"Precisely. Which is why no one knows their fate." Crocus sighed heavily, seeming even older than his years. "Even in this day and age, as well explored as the world is, there are still mysteries on the Grand Line that defy human comprehension. It may very well be that they're still alive, but even then I doubt they'd be able to return. On these seas, nothing is ever 'normal'. Those with weak hearts all too often succumb to the Grand Line."
"So those with weak hearts cared more for their own lives than the promise they made to their crewmate," Sanji huffed morosely through another cloud.
"Then... then they did abandon that poor whale!?" Usopp demanded harshly.
"Not necessarily!" I hastily defended. "I mean, come on: the Grand Line is legitimately insane, and the rest of the time it's just the regular kind of homicidal. Crocus, did these guys seem like oathbreakers or weak-hearted men to you?"
Crocus blew out a firm snort. "Hell no, they were strong, kind men who never once stopped smiling and laughing the whole time they were with me, and when they left they cried their eyes out at the prospect of leaving Laboon behind."
"Then their leaving might not have been anywhere close to voluntary!" I defended. "They could have been desperate, left with no choice, any number of options. But... in the end..." I shrugged helplessly. "If they are dead... let's not speak ill of them without all the facts, alright?"
Usopp considered this for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yeah... yeah, alright. I can do that."
"But still..." Nami looked at Crocus questioningly. "Why didn't you tell Laboon the truth? I mean, he can understand human speech by now, so...?"
"Oh, I told him alright..." Crocus sighed grimly. "But Laboon... he just wouldn't listen."
"What do you-?"
"The day I told Laboon, he went mad with grief." The old man looked up at the wailing whale miserably. "He started to cry at Reverse Mountain and slam his head into the Red Line, over and over again."
"It makes sense..." I mused sadly. "He's putting all the blame on the closest target he has available that's not you. He doesn't want to believe they'd abandon him, so he's rationalizing that they're on the other side of the Mountain waiting for him. It's that or... accept reality."
"Mmm..." Crocus hummed as he nodded in agreement. "I've tried explaining it to him over and over again, but he refuses to accept the truth."
"Damn... that's some whale..." Sanji breathed in awe.
"But... but he's waiting for nothing!" Nami protested, albeit weakly.
Crocus shrugged helplessly. "It doesn't matter; he refuses to listen to what I say. Either he's gone partway mad with grief or it's simple teenage rebellion. In the end, it really doesn't matter: He's too scared. Scared of losing his reason to wait, scared of losing the hope he's held onto for so long. His home is in the West Blue, and he has no easy way home from here. Those pirates... they were his home."
"Damn... can't help but feel bad for the poor guy..." Sanji mused with a tug from his cigarette before glancing at Crocus. "But still... After all these years, why do you bother still taking care of him?"
Crocus was silent for a moment as he stared upwards contemplatively. It was during this moment of silence that I noticed our captain had gone suspiciously missing from the rock he'd been sitting on until a second ago. I twitched slightly as I made a guess as to just what my superior was planning. Praying I was wrong, I flicked Soundbite's shell in order to get his attention as I surreptitiously slipped my headphones over my ears.
"Connect me to Luffy," I hissed.
Soundbite blinked up at me in confusion before shrugging as much as he was capable. A second later, an electronic whine hummed through my ears, followed swiftly by Luffy's voice. "Mmm hmm, this oughta do nicely!"
"Uh, cap'n?" I hissed pleadingly. "Would you care to fill me in on what you're planning?"
"Hm? Oh, hey Cross! Nothin' much, I'm just gonna shove the Merry's mast into Laboon so that I can get his attention."
I twitched further, meeting Soundbite's panicked gaze head-on. Yup, I was right. "I don't suppose there's anything I can do to dissuade you from this monumentally stupid course of action, is there? Like suggesting you use something else as a weapon? Such as, say... the lighthouse itself?"
"Mmm... naaaah, it wouldn't work as well. It's fine, Usopp can fix the mast. Besides, Merry's strong! She can take it!"
I barely refrained from cracking my skull against the nearest boulder. Yeah, should have seen that coming. "Alright then... Can I at least convince you to use the mizzen mast, instead of the main one?"
"Uh...?"
"The smaller one. It's not as big as the main mast, but it oughta still get the point across, and, more importantly, with any luck it'll hurt Merry a lot less."
"Huh... good idea! Thanks! Well, I'm gonna stab a whale in the head! See ya!"
Before I could respond, Crocus finally broke his silence. "Look at the scars on Laboon's forehead." He gestured upwards, indicating the patchwork of unhealthily-off-colored flesh that decorated his body. "I won't bore you with the details, but suffice to say that Laboon's injuries run deep. Our relationship is odd, but I've watched over him for the past fifty years. I am a doctor and Laboon is not only my patient, but also my friend. I cannot, in my right mind, stand by and watch him die."
"RAAAAAAH!"
We were jerked out of the rather morose observation by the sound of a familiar individual roaring at the top of his lungs.
Each and every last one of us blinked in numb surprise as Luffy ran up Laboon's side, a very large and very familiar pole of wood hefted upon his shoulder.
"Dare I even ask what that moron's doing?" Sanji groaned.
"You take your eyes off of him for one second..." Zoro shook his head with a sigh.
"In my defense," I piped up wearily. "I did try and stop him. It could have been a lot worse."
"What the hell are you-?" Usopp started before choking as he really looked at the pole Luffy was carrying. "Is that Merry's mizzen mast?" he squeaked out weakly.
"Be glad I was able to talk him out of using the main."
"GUM-GUM!" Luffy roared as he reached Laboon's top, raising the mast high above his head before ramming it into the whale's flesh. "BOUQUET!"
We all stared up in numb horror at the monumentally stupid action our captain had just undertaken.
"God damn it, Luffy," Nami summarized succinctly.
The next instant, Laboon went very, very still, his entire body twitching for a moment until finally...
"BWAAAAHHHH!" The whale bellowed, flailing about madly.
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, DUMBASS!?" Nami, Sanji, Zoro and Crocus roared furiously.
"ARE YOU TRYING TO SINK OUR SHIP!?" Usopp shrieked.
"RIDE 'EM COWBOY! YEEHAW!" Soundbite cackled.
"IF YOU LET GO, DO A FLIP!" I called up. I then cocked an eyebrow at the venomous look my crewmates shot me. "What? He's my captain, I'm trying to be supportive. Is that so wrong?"
Before anyone could respond, Laboon's roars faded down into a gut-rumbling growl as he proceeded to eye the Red Line in a way I didn't like.
"Guys?" I squeaked. "I don't know about you, but I suggest we..."
Laboon suddenly shifted again, charging head-and-Luffy-first at us.
"RUN!" I promptly turned tail and bolted as far away from the coast as I could manage.
When Laboon made landfall, it was as though an earthquake had hit the Red Line, flinging us all off our feet.
I huffed in pain as I slammed into the rock, and the second I realized that I wasn't in danger of death by whale... I doubled over in laughter. "Pffffhahahahahaaaa!" I wheezed out madly. "Hooooly shit that was close!"
"Gnaaarly dude!" Soundbite concurred.
As the cackles subsided into giggles, however, I found myself being flipped over onto my back, with Nami clutching me by the collar off my jacket as she yanked me face-to-face with her. The mad look in her eyes did little to help matters.
"What the hell did you mean when you said you were an adrenaline junky!?" Nami hissed, her voice borderline demented.
I chuckled nervously as I plastered a shaky grin on my face. "Ah... see here's the thing: back home in Florida? Every once in awhile my friends and family would convince me to do something really really crazy. Sometimes it was jumping off a high ledge into a lake, other times it was riding a stupidly wild rollercoaster, all kinds of stuff."
Ahhh, the Top Thrill Dragster. Nothing quite gets your heart pumping like going from a flat stop to 120 miles per hour in barely less than four seconds.
A particularly aggravated growl broke me out of my nostalgia. "A-a-anyways, the point is that before I did this crazy stuff, I'd hem and haw out of terror, but the second I actually did it, I'd love the hell out of it and do it over and over and over again! The near death experiences I've suffered in the past twenty-four hours? Terrifying, yes, but they've given me a rush that I've never imagined possible. Sooo... yeah, adrenaline junky: the crazier and more dangerous the situation, the more I'm gonna laugh out of sheer exhilaration." I smiled tentatively. "The things people enjoy, huh?"
Apparently, Nami wasn't quite so happy with my answer. At least, if the way her face was twitching as though she were mere milliseconds from either an aneurism or a psychotic break. "You mean to tell me..." she hissed in a voice that wouldn't be out of place in Exorcist. "That the one other sane person on this crew... is literally addicted to flirting with death itself!?"
I shivered briefly in the face of Nami's Wrath (and by Ghandi did it deserve to be capitalized) before plastering a desperate grin on my face. "I suppose that this would be the wrong time to quote the Cheshire Cat in saying 'we're all mad here', huh?"
Nami's body flat-out twitched as she snapped a fist back. I clenched my eyes shut in a pre-emptive wince...
"IT'S A DRAW!"
And cracked an eye open as Luffy bellowed without warning.
We turned our attention over to our captain, who was grinning like a loon at a very bemused and slightly bruised Laboon.
"Saved by the bell," I muttered quietly beneath my breath.
THWACK!
My last thoughts were that I wasn't quiet enough, if the fact that Nami suddenly plowed her fist into my face was anything to go by.
After that, darkness.
-o-
When I came to, the first thing I saw was Nami and Crocus kneeling over me, Nami with a concerned expression and Crocus with an exasperated one. "How are you feeling, brat?" the old man grunted.
I blinked blearily as I processed the statement for a second before grimacing as the mass of pain that was my face registered. "I'm alive, though whether or not that's good remains to be seen..." I glanced at our navigator curiously. "Since when could you throw a punch?"
"Never," Nami asserted firmly, her voice filled with worry. "At least, nowhere near well enough to knock a person out for ten minutes."
"WHAT!?" I yelped, jerking upright... and promptly regretting the action with a moan as I clutched my throbbing face. "Ooooww... alright, in that case, what the hell?! I've never taken a shot to the face before, sure, but I'd like to think that I'd be capable of walking away from it if it came from someone your size!" I shot a wary glance at Nami. "No offence."
"None taken."
While Crocus mulled over his response, my own mind flew at a mile a minute. I'll admit, I'd expected some level of danger on account of my status as a dimensional alien, sure, but to the degree that I was in danger of a punch from Nami!? I'd hoped to stand side by side with Luffy, not cheer him on from on high!
Finally, Crocus spoke up, snapping me out of his musings. "Answer me this, brat: your arm, when did you hurt it?"
"Huh?" I glanced between my arms in confusion.
"Your right arm, brat. Don't tell me this little thing busted your eardrum too."
"Hey! I didn't knock you out, I still take offence from that!"
"And I should care why!?"
While Nami muttered and growled darkly, I rolled up my jacket's sleeve, exposing a stretch of raw flesh that stung quite a bit. "Uh, this? It's a rope burn, I got it about an hour ago when we went down Laboon's throat."
That drew Nami's shocked attention to me. "That's an hour old and you haven't even started healing yet!? Cross, what the hell!?"
"Uh..." I hesitated briefly. "I... take it that's not normal, huh?"
"In my experience, burns like that have usually started to heal up by now and are gone a few hours later as a result," Crocus stated solemnly. "What's your estimate?"
"Ah..." I wracked my mind for a second before conjuring up an estimate. "A... week? Tops? I'm no med student, soo..."
Nami's eye twitched furiously. "Cross, I reiterate: what the hell!?"
"Uh..." My mind flew as I tried to conjure an acceptable answer.
Thankfully, I was saved from having to come up with one.
"I think I might have an idea."
I hid my relief as I looked at Crocus, the old doctor scratching his chin in thought.
"Your friend here told me about your home, Florida. It's a hidden nation, right? Small population, I'm guessing, everyone's local, with few to no immigrants?"
"Uh..." I fumbled for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, that's about right. We don't want anybody we don't want to finding out about us - mum's the word, by the way - so yeah, few to none get in. Why?"
Crocus blew out an exasperated breath as he rolled his eyes. "Does the word 'inbreeding' mean anything to you?"
I made the connection and promptly pounced on the opportunity given to me, slapping a hand to my face as I loosed an embarrassed moan. "Yes, it does. And here I thought we'd been careful enough... Just for the record, I don't care if you're a woman or a senior citizen, if that word manages to make its way to the rest of the crew, I'll put my foot through your digestive tracts. Capiche?"
Nami held her hands up in polite surrender while Crocus merely snorted.
"So anyways... is that it then? I'm gonna die a doomed, brittle man because of defective genes?"
"Nah, you'll be fine." Crocus waved me off. "Considering how you don't have any obvious mutations, the problem's not as severe as you might think. No, if anything, it's more than likely a problem with your nutrition. Deficient crops and livestock and all that. So long as you keep eating fresh food from the Blues and go easy on the salt beef and hardtack, then you should be good."
"Oh thank god..." I slapped a hand to my chest with a relieved sigh.
"Yeah," Nami nodded in agreement before smiling and helping me up to my feet. "Well, at least you got up at the right time. Sanji's said he'll be setting up dinner soon."
"Good!" I grinned eagerly as I followed her. "I'm hungry enough to eat a Sea King!" My grin widened ever so slightly as an idea hit me. "Or a snail." I waited for a biting retort... then glanced at my bare shoulder in shock. "Where's Soundbite?!"
"Don't panic, he's fine," Nami assured me as she pointed at the ocean. "He's on a bit of a... playdate, so to speak."
And indeed, there Soundbite was, perched on a barrel and chatting animatedly with a very familiar whale who was now sporting a vaguely familiar emblem over his scars.
I swallowed heavily as I scanned the pale imitation of our flag. "Please tell me Luffy didn't recruit the whale."
"I'd have harpooned him if he'd tried," Crocus stated flatly.
"Luffy took over the promise Laboon's crew made and drew our mark as a symbol of it." Nami explained. "Soundbite started talking to him once we'd assured him you were fine... and when he stopped laughing after that."
"For the record, if he gives Laboon any bad habits, I'm blaming you both," Crocus hummed.
I raised my hands hastily. "Fair enough, fair enough. So... Sanji's coming with food soon, I'm guessing Usopp'll be finished with fixing the Merry soon enough... what next?"
"Hmm... good question..." Nami mused as she dug a circular object out of her pocket and clicked a button on its side. "Let me just-!"
I blinked as our crew's navigator suddenly stopped walking without so much as a hint of warning. "Uh... Nami? Everything al-?"
"EEEEYEEAAAAAARGH!"
I cursed in shock as Nami loosed an ear-splitting shriek of horror, causing even Laboon to turn tail and flee beneath the waves in abject terror.
"CRAZY BANSHEE!" Soundbite yelped, though he quickly calmed down when I scooped him back onto my shoulder.
"Nami-swan, is everything alright?" Sanji cried lovingly, hopping towards us with plates upon plates of delicious looking food perched upon his limbs, Usopp following close behind him.
"NO YOU DUMBASS, EVERYTHING IS NOT ALRIGHT!" Nami yowled as she slammed her compass onto the nearby table. "LOOK! THE COMPASS IS BROKEN!"
And indeed, the metal needle was spinning furiously in its casing, appearing more like a propeller than a navigational tool.
"You came to the Grand Line unprepared," Crocus deadpanned as he brought over more plates, sounding flatly amazed. "Well I never! Are you trying to get yourselves killed? I thought I'd told you, nothing is regular about these waters. Your compass isn't broken, nature is."
"So even the damn magnetic field is borked, huh?" I queried weakly. "Fun, fun, fun."
"Indeed," Crocus nodded solemnly. "You see, each island of the Grand Line is well and truly unique, and not just in the obvious way. Their mineral compositions give off truly unique magnetic fields, which make compasses inoperable. And of course, as you can expect, the winds and currents all have minds of their own. I'm sure that you realize how deadly that is, Miss Navigator."
Nami swallowed heavily as a cold sweat broke out on her brow. "If we didn't immediately run into the Calm Belt, we'd wander aimlessly until we either dehydrated or starved..."
"Precisely. Setting off unprepared in these waters is tantamount to suicide."
"I had no idea..." our navigator whimpered meekly as she scratched the back of her head.
"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?" Usopp howled as he gripped his head fearfully.
"No fear, Nami-swan, you're still beautiful even if you don't know anything!" Sanji swooned.
"SHUT UP!"
"Mmm... This tuna trunk is delicious!" Luffy mumbled around his full mouth.
"Have you tried the tail?" I queried as I chewed on my own portion. "It has the texture of pork, but it tastes like chicken."
"Yum-yum!" Soundbite got out as he munched down on the portion I'd offered him.
"Ahem?" Crocus coughed, continuing once he had all our attention. "Now, to navigate the Grand Line, you're going to need a device known as a Log Pose. It's a special kind of compass, capable of recording the Grand Line's magnetic fields."
Luffy swallowed his mouthful in favor of another as he tilted his head questioningly. "So it's a weird compass?"
"They have weird shapes, yes."
"I think I might have found one! Do you still have it, Cross?"
"Yo," I concurred, digging the Log Pose out of my jacket and holding it up for all to see.
"Hmph, good for you." Crocus nodded firmly. "Entering the Grand Line is an ordeal in and of itself, navigating without a Log Pose is nigh impossible, and I only say it's not completely because of how I've found that, in my experience, anything's possible on the Grand Line."
"I see, I see, just one moment..." Nami nodded slowly. "I just need to know..." She suddenly blurred towards us. "WHERE DID YOU MORONS GET THAT!?"
I tried to dodge out of her way...
THWACK!
A second too late.
Next thing I knew, I was blinking awake face down in my plate. "How long was I out?" I mumbled.
"Long enough for Luffy to tell me where he got that Pose and for me to explain your... condition. Sorry..." Nami scratched the back of her head sheepishly.
"Fair enough..." I pushed myself up and started wiping my face down as I did my best to ignore Soundbite's snickering. "Continue."
"Right, right. Anyways, Crocus, about this Log Pose..." She held it up to her eye level curiously. "How does it work? I can't see any markings..."
"It doesn't need any," the keeper explained. "The islands of the Grand Line each have their own unique fields. The Log records the fields of the islands, leading you from one to another to another. The Log is your only hope of traversing this ocean. Starting from this mountain, you'll have to choose one of seven island magnetic fields. In the end, however, they're all the same. All routes, no matter how you follow them, eventually become one and lead to a single, final destination."
I sat up instantly as the mood shifted drastically. It was awe-inspiring, really. Dare I say... reverential.
"Raftel," Crocus intoned solemnly. "It's the last island of the Grand Line. In all of history only one pirate crew has ever made it there and lived to tell the tale: the crew of the Pirate King."
"You mean until we get there," Luffy grinned as he bit into the spine of the Elephant Bluefin. Proclamation done, he leaned back and let out a sigh of contentment, patting his somewhat swollen belly. "Man, that was tasty!"
"You ate the whole thing!" Sanji screeched, his jaw hanging open.
Usopp glanced at the remains of the Elephant Bluefin, before performing an impressive double-take. "He even ate the bones!"
"At least I managed to get a taste..." I muttered vehemently. Damn he was fast... And I'd actually liked that tuna, too!
"GREEDY GLUTTON!" Soundbite sobbed.
"Damn it, Luffy! I cooked that for Nami! I wanted her-" And here Sanji emphasized his point by kicking Luffy square in the head. "To have the best of it!"
I winced as Luffy flew straight and true, blasting straight over Nami's arm and shattering the Log Pose she had attached to her wrist. Sure enough, the fragile glass didn't do well against a ballistic Luffy hitting it, obliterating the instrument in a second.
For a moment, Nami just stared at the broken Log Pose, her face frozen in the pleased smile she had. And as Sanji turned his lovestruck gaze to her, her expression turned thunderous.
Usopp, Soundbite, and I all braced for the explosion that was sure to come. We didn't have to wait long.
Neither a swooning Sanji or a somewhat dazed Luffy were able to react before Nami marched up to them and simultaneously punted them both off the cliffside.
"GO SOAK YOUR HEADS!" she called out after them as they landed in the water.
As Nami stomped back over to where the rest of us were, Usopp gave me a concerned look. "Hey, is Luffy going to be alright, being in the water like that?"
"Eh, Sanji's with him. He'll be fine," I replied with a shrug. "Besides, they both had that coming. I don't know about you, but I don't wanna die by getting in Nami's way."
Usopp nodded slowly as he watched Nami warily, apparently satisfied with the answer, and turned his attention back to our navigator, who was fussing over the broken Log Pose.
"Crocus, what are we going to do?" Nami lamented. "Our precious Log Pose is-!"
"Actually," I cut in before Crocus could speak up, pulling the Log Pose I had bought at Loguetown out of my pocket. It was a bulky thing, with a needle of metal wavering around inside a metal-lined orb of glass that was fixed to a cuff of leather and far sturdier than the rather thin sphere over the other Pose.
Nami twitched slightly as she jerked towards me before hastily restraining herself. "If you already knew..." she hissed. "Why the hell didn't you tell us!?"
I shrugged helplessly. "I overheard something about 'special compasses' back in Loguetown, so I took the liberty of buying one on the way out, figured I'd find out more as we went along. Didn't expect to use it as a spare, though."
"Hmph..." Crocus examined the Log Pose intently before nodding firmly. "You got lucky, kid: That's a damn good piece you bought. Firm, sturdy. It'll guide you far."
I smiled as I clapped my hands together eagerly. "Well then! Unless there's anything else to attend to-!"
KABOOM!
We all jumped as a devastating explosion blasted up from the ocean below us.
I promptly hung my head in despair. "Stupid question. Soundbite, could you?"
Soundbite let out a whine for a moment before piping up in Mr. 9's voice. "We have a request."
-o-
About an hour later, we were on our way, sailing away from the massive form of Reverse Mountain with two additional passengers amongst our ranks.
Two very unique passengers I reminded myself as I blew out heavy sigh, looking around the ship calmly. Specifically, I was side-eyeing the blue-haired faux-Frontier Agent who was currently standing at the Merry's prow, glaring at anyone and everyone who made the mistake of getting near.
Credit where it was due, an angel Vivi might be, but damn if she couldn't fake being a bitch like the best of them.
However, I didn't have time to think about that. Instead, I turned and started pacing across Merry's deck thoughtfully. Sure, things had turned out alright back on Reverse Mountain, but the fact that I had forgotten about Laboon of all characters, even in the midst of an adrenaline high, was terrifying to say the least. I needed to recap my knowledge, make sure that what I remembered was valid... or else I'd be in for more than a few nasty shocks in the all-too-near future.
On a broad scale, though, I think I remembered well enough: Whiskey Peak (here's hoping they didn't spike the water), Little Garden (to explore the killer prehistoric jungle or not to explore? decisions decisions), Drum (I was really going to need to play that one by the ear; heads Nami almost dies and I feel like a scumbag, tails Chopper is guaranteed to die by Wapol sooner or later and we all go without medical care for who-knows-how-long) and finally, for the moment, Alabasta (nope nope and another nope, not going to start on that gordian knot of consequences until I don't have a choice).
I nodded definitively to myself. Yes, that was definitely everything, nothing left out.
I threw my head back and stared at the sky with an exasperated growl. So why did I still feel like I... was...
I slowly crossed my eyes as a little white something fluttered down from the sky and landed on my nose with a burst of cold.
I blinked in confusion. Why was it snowing out of the blue, where had this fogbank suddenly come from, and why did it terrify me beyond all logical reason?
"ICEBERGS DEAD AHEAD!"
Oooooh, right... Crap.
