Disclaimer: Don't own it, wish I did


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Chapter 1: In Which The Conference Begins

"Hello. Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing. One, two, three." The microphone screeched as Lord Voldmort adjusted it.

"We can hear you!" yelled some lowly deatheater seated in the back row. We will call this poor, unlucky deatheater Bob. His name is not Bob, mind. His name has been modified to protect the recently deceased. Bob yelled out to the Dark Lord, and as one knows it is not a smart idea to bring attention to oneself during a deatheater rally. Really, it is just not clever thinking.

"Can someone take care of him please?" demanded Voldemort, easily angered little bugger that he was.

"Does this mean I get tea and jammy dodgers, now?" asked Bob.

"No," said Voldemort.

With that decision five deatheaters jumped up and 'Avada Kedrava'ed poor Bob. While one wizard attempted to perform a particularly complicated hex that involved much wand jiggling and odd latin-esque words, which ended up turning Bob into a penguin, a dead penguin, but a penguin none-the-less.

"Good. Sit down please, sit down," said Voldemort, as he tried to calm the rabble-rousers in the crowd. Eventually the deatheaters were all seated and silent.

"Welcome!" he said grandly, his red eyes flashing with ecstasy, not the drug, the emotion. "Welcome, minions, to the Second Annual Deatheater Conference!" There was much applause and rejoicing from the audience, "I hope everyone remembered to bring their masks?" asked Voldemort eagerly.

There was much nodding from the crowd. Voldmort gave an angry look, and without a second nudging the crowd began to put on their masks.

"I would like a few of my choice minions to come up here, on this stage today, and tell you all what being a deatheater means to them. Let's give a round of applause for Lucius Malfoy everybody! Lucius Malfoy!" Voldemort applauded as he walked off the stage, his large black cloak billowing behind him.

A tall, blonde haired man in a multicolored mask took the stage. "Hi, thank you Dark Lord Almighty. Hi, everyone. Well, wow. Wow. It is an honor to be up here today. Let's give a big round of applause to Lord Voldemort for putting this little event together!" Lucius paused, and the room launched into rancorous applause. Lord Voldemort giggled and blushed, causing himself to clash with his eyes. "Okay. Well, back to the presentation, right? I am honored to be here today, but I said that already, didn't I? Okay. So, Lord Voldemort wants me to tell you what it means to me to be a deatheater. Words tend to fail me, so I decided that I would have to show you. This year I decided to decorate my mask in a way that would exemplify my feelings towards the deatheaters. The best club I have ever belonged to, may I add. Even better than my own club from the early Hogwarts days, 'IGANA-Icky Girls Are Not allowed!' So back to my mask, look at this. You'll notice that I covered my lips, it's like I'm a ventriloquist, you can't see me speak! That is symbolic. We do not question are lord and master because we know that his judgment is most excellent. Also my mask is painted with a rainbow of colors and star sparkles. Now the rainbow is meant to show how diverse we are, yet we all come together under the great Voldemort. Finally, the star sparkles are because we enjoy working under the cover of night, we are dark, and we enjoy a Chardonnay at midnight on a checkered picnic blanket under the stars." There was much chuckling and applause at this comment.

Lucius looked to Voldemort and nodded. Voldemort returned to the stage and gave Lucius a pat on his sycophantic shoulder. "Thank you, Lucius."

"You are most welcome, My Liege," said Lucius before returning to his seat in the front row.

"Now, to business," said Voldemort, as he finagled with a little button device which was meant to start the slide show.

"To business!" exclaimed the crowd.

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A/N : Hi, all, thanks for reading this bit of nonsense! Please review, if you feel so inclined. Another chapter should be up soon!