This Bites! The Inevitable Holiday Special!

It was a nice, cloudy morning on the Going Merry: the wind was blowing, the waves were lightly rocking, and I was leaning back and relaxing up in the crow's nest.

I let out a contented sigh as I stretched my limbs out and leaned back in my wooden seat. "I love end-of-night watch duty... we clear, Soundbite?" I asked with the apathy of the content.

"EE-yup..." Soundbite sighed happily from within his shell.

"Perfect..." I grinned as fidgeted slightly in my seat... before jerking in shock as something cold hit my nose. "What the-!?"

I snapped my eyes open and looked around frantically for a moment... before sagging miserably as I caught sight of just what had hit me: a snowflake, one of many that were all swirling around us.

"Seriously?" I growled in exasperation before tapping Soundbite's shell. "Ship-wide broadcast."

An electronic whine shook the air.

"Wakey wakey, guys," I groaned wearily. "We've got snow blowing in." I glanced around hastily before sighing in relief. "No icebergs, but... well, you know the drill. All hands on deck."

A chorus of groans rang out briefly before Soundbite cut them off and poked his eyestalks out, eyes narrowed. "Fourth TIME this week!"

"Yeah yeah, I know..." I grumbled as I placed Soundbite down on my shoulder. "But hey, it's the Grand Line. What're you gonna do?" And with that, I slid out of the crow's nest and slowly made my way down the rigging, watching all the while as the rest of the crew got out on deck.

Well, most of the rest of the crew. Zoro was still asleep and had to be carried by Luffy.

I sighed and massaged my eyes tiredly before dropping down to the deck. "Soundbite?"

"GROOOOOAH!"

"GAH!" Zoro barked as he jerked awake and flailed off Luffy's shoulder. The second he realized what had happened, he snapped a glare at Soundbite. "You realize someone's going to lose it and kill you, right?"

"Let 'em try!" Soundbite cackled.

"Yeah yeah, shut up, the both of you," Nami growled as she rolled her eyes in frustration. "Okay everyone, snap to it. Drop the sails, raise the anchor, the full nine yards. Let's get the Merry under control before we get caught up in another winter storm."

"Aye aye..." I and everyone else groaned in agreement as we hopped to it.

"And it'sh sho cwose to Chwishmash too..." Carue whined.

Those words served to freeze everyone in their spots, all of us turning to stare at the duck in shock.

"Wait, you have Christmas?!" I blurted out in shock.

"Does anyone know what day it is?" Nami asked at the same time.

"Uh..." Chopper racked his brain furiously. "I-I think it was the 18th the day we left Drum!"

"And we were on Drum a little under a week ago..." Nami mused before looking up in shock. "Holy crap, it's Christmas Eve!"

"Wait, seriously?!" Luffy squealed eagerly before throwing his arms up and whooping joyously. "That means that this is Christmas snow! Woohoo! Hey, Usopp, think fast!"

"Huh?" THWACK! "ARGH!" Usopp sputtered as he was sent sprawling ass over teakettle by a snowball the size of a bowling ball slamming into his head. He lay still for a moment before twitching ever so slightly.

"Luffy..." he growled out. "I hope you realize..." He suddenly snapped to his knees and let loose a hastily constructed snowball. "THIS MEANS WAR!"

The snowball struck its target dead on, slamming clean into the center of their face. Unfortunately... due to the snow in Usopp's eyes, and maybe a minor concussion on top of that, the target in question was the wrong one.

Chopper blinked in surprise as he cleared the snow from his eyes before looking at Usopp neutrally. "Usopp..." he started slowly. "I know I've led a reclusive lifestyle until recently... but the long and short of it is that I've lived on a Winter Island my entire life. I have grown up surrounded by snow, by ice, by cold... to put it simply..."

All of a sudden, there was a three-hundred-pound goliath of fur and muscle standing in the middle of the deck, grinning madly as he held up two snowballs he'd picked up from somewhere. "I'm in my element!"

Usopp blinked in confusion. "Wha-ohshit!" he yelped as he ducked behind the mast, only just managing to avoid the massive snowballs that plastered the space he'd occupied moments before. A second later, he peeked out from around the mast with a snowball loaded into his slingshot. "WAR!" he howled furiously.

"WAR!" Chopper roared back as he held up a new pair of head-sized snowballs.

"WAR!" Luffy made three as he held up a massive ball of snow over his head, laughing even as the other two pelted him with their respective arsenals.

I blinked numbly as I processed just how fast things had devolved into madness. "Holy shi- WOAHFUCK!" I yelped as I jumped out of the way of the trio's stray fire, hunkering down behind a trio of barrels that we'd left lying on deck. The panicked squawking behind me told me that Carue hadn't been as quick on the uptake as I had been.

A second later, Nami joined me, huffing heavily as she brushed a hefty amount of snow off of herself. "Those idiots..." she growled, half fondly, half in exasperation.

"Sooo..." I started slowly, occasionally glancing over the edge of the barrels as I monitored the progress of the ongoing war. "Christmas. You guys have it too?"

Nami shot me an incredulous look. "You really want to talk about this here? Now!?"

"Well..."

Without warning, something shot clean through the side of one of the barrels, leaving behind an all too clean hole.

I stared at the barely-controlled devastation in numb horror. "Point taken." I grabbed Nami's wrist. "Come with me if you want to li-ow!"

"THAT'S my SCHTICK!" Soundbite snarled once he let go of my ear.

"Schtick? What is he-?" Nami snapped a glare at Soundbite. "Did he just make a cheesy reference?"

"Mozzarella-worthy!"

"I thought so."

THWACK! "OUCH!" I yelped as Nami slapped me upside my head. "What the hell was that for!?"

"You earned it! Now come on!" Nami grabbed my by the front of my collar and dragged me out from behind our cover. "Let's move!"

The next few moments were a flurry of movement, snow and pain, but eventually we managed to make our way into the kitchen, where Vivi and Sanji were waiting for us.

"Well that was fun..." Nami shivered as she sloughed off the layer of snow that had covered her.

"Tell me about it," I muttered shakily as I glanced at our other two friends. "I see you managed to save the princess, Mister Knight."

"Psh!" Sanji scoffed as he puffed on his cigarette. "As though such a small amount of cold could so much as touch the flames of my heart!"

"Did either of you manage to see what happened to Carue?" Vivi asked in concern.

I winced slightly before placing my hand on my heart with a remorseful expression. "He fought well, but ultimately... I am afraid he fell in battle." I held my fist up and shook my head sadly. "He will be remembered."

"GOODNIGHT, SWEET PRINCE!" Soundbite faux-sobbed.

Suddenly, a pounding rang out against the door. "WET ME IN YOU MOWONS, BEFOW THEY FWEEZE ME FUCKIN' SOWID!"

Vivi shot me a vicious glare, prompting me to give a sheepish smile before hastily wrenching the door open and dragging Carue through. "Heheh... sorry?"

"Scwew you, Cwoss..." Carue grumbled as he shook himself out and worked the snow out of his feathers.

"Ah well, can't blame a guy for trying. Oh, by the way, did you see Zoro?"

"Yeah..." Carue scoffed as he rolled his eyes. "He's still out there. And bewieve you me, he's having the time of his wife."

I frowned in confusion before glancing out the door's porthole... and promptly wrenching my way back with a shiver; the grin Zoro was sporting as he sliced up any and all snowballs that came his way was down and out demented! And the fact that he didn't have a speck of snow on him did not help.

"Scaaaa-ry..." Soundbite shuddered.

"Sooo..." I trailed off uncomfortably. "Christmas, huh? You guys have it?"

"Wait, you do too!?" Nami asked in disbelief.

"Festive winter holiday with red, white, and green as the traditional colors, a focus on snow and snow-related activities, and gift-exchanging as one of, if not the greatest parts of the holiday?" I summarized curiously.

"Sounds like Christmas to me," Sanji whistled in awe.

"I'm actually more surprised that you guys have it!" I continued, my voice rising. "I mean... what with the difficulties in geographical distance and climate, how do you actually... you know, coordinate it all? That's not even getting into the wildly divergent cultural roots between our two worlds."

Vivi shrugged helplessly. "I couldn't really tell you, to be honest. Christmas is one of the oldest and most popular holidays the world over. Everyone, be they pirate, marine or civilian, no matter the species or nationality, always drops everything for the sake of celebrating it. Literally nothing is more important. And as for climate, well..." she gestured outside. "As you can see, every year on Christmas Eve, across the entire planet, it starts to snow. It's... generally accepted as a Christmas Miracle!"

"DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY!" Soundbite belted out in a joyous chorus. "DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL, FALALA, LALALA, LALALA!"

"Woah!" I chuckled as I angled my head away from the snail. "Listen to you! Sounds like you're already deep in the holiday spirit, huh?"

"YEAH, YEAH!" Soundbite nodded eagerly, his smile taking on a slightly sad tone. "First Christmas WITH FRIENDS! NORMALLY I'm all alone..."

That sentence caused me to freeze in shock, before I looked down as a thought struck me. "Huh..." I breathed, a new comprehension of what that meant coming over me. "That's... Wow... You know... I tried not to think about it before, but... some part of me acknowledged that I'd never get to celebrate Christmas again. But now this... I... I realize I should be happy, but..." I looked down and shook my head sadly as I scratched the back of my neck. "This... will be the first time I've celebrated Christmas... away from my family."

And just like that, everyone else stiffened before allowing a wave of sadness to wash over them.

"I always managed to make my way back to Cocoyashi in time for Christmas, no matter what..." Nami muttered numbly. "I... I passed up a lot of big whales because of it, but... none of that ever mattered. Being with Nojiko and Genzo was more important than anything..."

"Old Man Zeff, Patty, Carne, and the rest of those shitstains..." Sanji huffed around his cigarette. "Those dumbasses... the pudding's almost definitely gonna taste like shit without me there..."

Vivi shuddered miserably before wrapping her arms around Carue's neck in a desperate hug. "I've... I've had to celebrate Christmas twice without my father... but..." she buried her face in Carue's feathers. "I... I always had Igaram with me... I... I know he's alive and I'm happy for it, but..." Her voice hitched, leaving her unable to find it again.

Carue quacked sadly as he rubbed Vivi's back comfortingly, staring off into the distance all the while. "Wooks wike Kentauwos will haf ta lead the squad on the cwoss-countwy gift wun again... hope Stomp'll be able to handle it, he almost didn't make it wast time..."

We were silent for a moment before I glanced towards the door. "Zoro might have been alone for a while now, but the rest..." I hissed sadly as I shook my head. "Usopp, Luffy, Chopper... they didn't have much, but they had something..." I shrugged helplessly. "And now they're all an ocean away from them."

The mood was thick and heavy...

"'TIS THE SEASON, JACKASSES!"

"GAH!" We all jumped in shock as Soundbite suddenly filled the cabin with a furious roar.

"You little uncooked-!" Sanji raged furiously.

"Can't you read the mood you little shit!?" Nami demanded incredulously.

"HELL YES! THAT'S the point!" the Baby Transponder Snail spat.

"What the hell awe you-!?" Carue started to snarl.

"Wait!" I hastily barked up, my blood racing through my veins. "I realize that he might have been callous, but damn it, and I can't believe I'm saying this for so many reasons, the snail has a point!"

"Um... I'm sorry?" Vivi blinked in confusion.

"Look at us!" I swept my arms over the cabin. "We're getting all moody and brooding! And that is the exact opposite of how we should be! I mean, god damn it, people!" I flung my arms up extravagantly. "It's Christmas goddamn Eve! We should be celebrating what we have, not lamenting what we don't! We might not have presents, we might not have the food, hell, we might not even have any decorations, but so goddamn what!? We have each other! We have our lives! And that... that is more than enough for me. What about the rest of you?"

My crewmates glanced amongst one another contemplatively for a second...

"Hell yeah!"

"The Commie's got a point!"

"Thank you for that, Mister Jeremiah, I needed it more than you can imagine."

"I might hate yow guts, Soundbite... but shanks."

Before they gave me a response that granted me the biggest fucking grin imaginable.

"Then what the hell are we waiting for, people?!" I demanded exuberantly. "You heard Soundbite! Let's hop to it and deck the halls!"

"You got it!" Sanji grinned as he rolled up his sleeves. "It's going to be a stretch, but I think we've got enough oil and corn kernels!"

"I think I can spare about... half of my paper?" Nami mused contemplatively. "I should be able to get ten flakes out of each sheet..."

"We'll need wax, pieces of string, paint, some glass jars..." Vivi counted off thoughtfully.

"I think I know a few paint wecipes! The squad usuawwy uses them as feather dye, but it should work!" Carue offered.

"Too bad there's not a pine tree for miles around..." I sighed morosely.

I blinked as silence suddenly reigned, then glanced at the rest of the crew present to find them all wearing identical masks of confusion.

"What the heck do you need popcorn for!?" Nami blurted at Sanji.

"Vivi dear, what could you need all those things for?" Sanji asked our resident princess as cordially as he could manage.

"What does paper have to do with flakes of any sort?" Vivi blinked as she tried to process the, to her, complete non-sequitur.

"Why da heck would you want a pine twee of aww things?" Carue demanded in disbelief.

"Uhh... for a Christmas Tree?" I scoffed as I spread my arms wide.

The statement drew everyone's attention and disbelief to me, but before they could start to question that statement, I held up my hands for silence.

"And unless I miss my guess!" I pointed at Sanji. "Popcorn strings?"

"Exactly, thank you!" Sanji snapped, flinging his hands up in gratitude.

I moved on to Nami. "Paper snowflakes?"

"Yes!" Nami sighed in relief. "Geeze, I swear to- have you people been living under a rock your whole lives!?"

"And..." I trailed off slightly as I turned towards Vivi, wracking my brain furiously before finally making the connection. "Paint the jars, put in the candle and voila, electricity-free Christmas lights?"

"Hallelujah..." Vivi sighed in relief.

"Okay, I think I know what's going on here!" I announced, clapping my my hands together firmly. "I don't know which way this goes, but you all have different holiday traditions, no doubt hammered out between the North and East Blues and the Grand Line. They might be foreign to you all, but to me, they're all traditions of the same holiday. I guess it's not surprising none of you have the tree, South or West Blue must get it, but right now that doesn't really matter. For now, I say we lump all our traditions together at once and throw the biggest Christmas Bash we can possibly swing! All in favor?"

"AYE!" everyone chorused, their eagerness revitalized.

"Then come on!" I strode towards the door. "Let's grab the morons and hop to it!"

Just as we were about to exit the door, however, I paused as a thought struck me. "Huh..."

"What is it?" Nami questioned.

"Ah!" I shook my head and blushed in embarrassment. "Nothing, really, I was just wondering how everyone else the world over might be celebrating the holidays."

Vivi blinked in surprise before tapping her chin contemplatively. "Huh... good question..."

I shrugged in agreement. "I know, right? Well!" I clapped my hands firmly. "Anyways! Delaying things won't make this any easier. Shall we?"

"I'd rather not..." Nami demurred.

"Yeah, me neither," I groaned. "But let's get to it!"

And with that, we shouldered our way through the snow-caked door and out into the maelstrom outside.

Still, despite how cold things were and how wet our clothes got midway through... we all wound up laughing half an hour in, loving every second of it.

-o-

"HAHAHA! You always manage to surprise me, Woopy!" Dadan cackled as she knocked back the mug she was holding. "You act prim and proper the rest of the year, but come Christmas you manage to drink enough eggnog to put half of my boys under the table! You sure you weren't a pirate or bandit in a past life?"

"Psh!" Mayor Woop Slap snorted as he swirled his mug. "Perish the thought! I have always been a good and honest man, both in this life and all the ones I've lived before! I just consider Christmas to be a good time to relax, is all! After all..." The old official's grin widened in an uncharacteristically cheeky manner as he waved his mug towards the crowd of bandits and villagers mingling in the bar. "I'm allowing you bandit scum to come down here without any sort of protest, aren't I?"

"HAHAHA!" Dadan cackled as she pounded the bar in her mirth. "I take it back old man! It looks like you're pretty damn buzzed yourself!"

"Not a chance!" the Mayor huffed as he waved his cane testily. "I'm-! Whoops!" The senior citizen yelped in panic as he nearly tilted off of his stool, and the only thing that kept him from hitting the floor was the young bartender grabbing his sleeve. "Oookay, so I might be a bit tipsy after all. Sue me! It's Christmas, dammit! Ah, by the way, thank you, Makino."

Makino smiled kindly as she patted the old man's shoulder. "Not a problem, Mayor Woop Slap. Now then..." Her smile widened slightly as she refilled the pair's mugs, while pulling out one of her own. "What say we do something we've all been waiting for, huh?"

"HA!" Dadan barked as she slapped the bar once anew. "I hear you, Makino! Let's do it!" And with that, she drew a pair of wanted posters from her jacket and waved it in the air. "HEY EVERYONE!" she bellowed. "THREE CHEERS FOR THE SONS OF MT. COLUMBO, THOSE STILL WITH US AND THOSE GONE BEFORE THEIR TIME! HIP HIP!"

"HURRAH!" the rest of the bar goers roared in agreement as they toasted their mugs.

Makino chuckled lightly as she drank from her own mug, smiling fondly at the wanted posters Dadan was holding. "Merry Christmas boys, wherever you are."

-o-

"And one for you, and one for you, one for you..."

"Merry Christmas, Miss Rika. Delivering the boys their holiday meals, I see."

"Merry Christmas, Captain Seigi!" the young girl smiled up at the Marine Captain. "And yup! I made these riceballs myself! You're the last one!"

"Oh?" The Captain cocked his eyebrow as he looked over the basket she was holding. "But don't you have three there?"

Rika huffed and pouted childishly as she glared at the two riceballs. "Those two are for Helmeppo and Coby. I'm going to send them to them at Marine HQ." Her pout took on a slightly saddened tone. "I still can't believe they're not coming back for Christmas..."

The Captain winced slightly before giving her a comforting pat on the shoulder. "I know it's hard Rika, believe me, we miss them too-"

"Yeah, the halls just haven't had that shine!"

"CRAM IT BEFORE I COURT-MARTIAL YOU, WINSLOW! Ah, ahem, sorry about that... anyways. I assure you, Rika, they probably miss you just as much as you miss them."

Rika sniffed sadly before nodding in understanding. "Well, alright..." She then grinned happily and held up one of the rice balls to the Captain. "Merry Christmas, Captain!"

The Captain grinned in agreement as he patted the young girl's head and took the riceball. "Merry Christmas to you too, Rika. Merry Christmas to you too."

He then took a bite of the rice ball... and had to fight to withhold his grimace. "Rika... what did you... make these balls with?"

"Sugar and cinnamon! But Coby and Helmeppo are getting salt! That's what they get for not coming home for the holidays!"

"Ah... I-I see... Lucky bastards..."

"Did you say something, Captain?"

"N-nothing, Rika, nothing!"

-o-

The dozen-odd students of the swordmaster Koshiro stood shivering and miserable out in the courtyard of his dojo, despite the December cold and the light flurries landing on and around them. They had read enough samurai stories to know that this was a test, that if they couldn't stand a little cold, they couldn't consider themselves real swordsmen!

Still, they all, to a boy, wished sensei would hurry up already. They'd been standing in the courtyard since the usual start of practice time, nearly two hours ago. Thus, all of them stood up a little straighter when the sliding door to Koshiro's dojo slid open, letting the man himself pad out in his winter robes, fluffy bunny slippers on his feet and a cup of coffee in hand.

For a moment, he didn't see them, but when he did his eyes widened in surprise. "My word! What are you all doing here?"

The boys all glanced uncertainly at each other before one of them, with black hair shaved close to his head, piped up. "This… isn't a test?"

"Goodness, no!" Koshiro immediately denied. "I would never have you practicing on Christmas Eve!"

"H-huh?" The boys blinked in shock. "But... then why are you coming outside in your winter clothes?"

Koshiro blinked in confusion before nodding in understanding. "Ahh, I see the problem. No no, this is not for training, I'm merely going to celebrate the holiday with my family."

"Huh?" One of the students tilted his head in confusion. "But sensei, didn't your dau-OOF!" The boy winced as the student next to him rammed his elbow into his ribs. "What was that-Ah... ooooh..."

The students shuffled around uncomfortably for a moment... before one of them strode forwards and looked Koshiro square in the eyes. "I'll join you sensei! And I'll do it without my winter clothes too!"

"Yeah, me too!"

"Same here!"

"Actually, I'm gonna go get my-OW! I-I mean yeah! I'm with them!"

Koshiro stared at his students in surprise for a moment... before smiling warmly at all of them. "Thank you, boys. I very much appreciate it."

'And I'm sure you do as well, Kuina...' Koshiro thought fondly. 'Merry Christmas, my daughter. And to you as well, Zoro, wherever you might be.'

-o-

"Ruff, ruff!"

"Ah, thank you, Chouchou!" Mayor Boodle grinned as he picked up one of the brown paper bags the dog was carrying on his back.

Chouchou woofed again before trotting down the street, proffering the bags he was carrying to the other villagers working on rebuilding houses wrecked mere months before.

"Heh, that's one dedicated dog!" one of the villagers working besides Boodle noted happily.

"Yeah, I wonder where he gets it from!"

Boodle hid his smile as he ate his lunch. He had a good idea of just who had inspired Chouchou in such a way, but if the dog didn't intend to tell anyone about their mutual friend, then neither would he.

'We're all wishing you a Merry Christmas, Strawhat Pirates,' Boodle thought happily as he helped a villager put up a string of paper snowflakes. 'Even if most of us don't really know it!'

-o-

Upon the Island of Rare Animals, every last one of the inhabitants, from the greatest of the hybrids down to Gaimon himself, was snoring like a Gregorian choir of chainsaws as they slept together in a massive pile, as they were wont to do every year on Christmas. The reason being that while Gaimon's coconut eggnog was indeed both strong and delicious, it could also be described as a little too strong, always knocking the animals unconscious after the initial rush.

The next day, they would all wake up with apocalyptic hangovers, promising themselves that they would never drink the foul concoction again... all while inwardly smiling at the prospect of doing it all over again the next year.

-o-

Ding-Dong!

"Hello?"

"Jingle bells, Kuro smells, Jango laid an egg-!"

"Hahahahaha!" Kaya cut off the caroling as she burst into laughter. "T-that's a very inventive song, boys, very creative!"

"Thank you, Miss Kaya!" Carrot grinned joyously.

"We were working on it all week!" Onion informed her.

"You really liked it?" Pepper inquired eagerly.

"Of course! It was lovely!"

"It was a little bit off key, in my opinion!" a voice called from the depths of the mansion.

Kaya shot a slight glare over her shoulder before smiling at the trio of boys. "Oh, don't listen to that old goat." She leaned in slightly with an impish expression. "In my opinion, I think he might be going a little deaf in one ear, if you know what I mean."

"I heard that!"

Kaya giggled lightly at the intended reaction before refocusing on the boys. "So, what brings you all here? Did you just want to share that carol, or do you want to come in and have some hot cocoa?"

"Actually, Miss Kaya, we can't stay!" Carrot informed her.

"Yeah, we need to send our gifts to the captain right away!" Pepper concurred.

"We have them right here, see?" Onion held up a glass bottle that was sealed with a cork and some wax, an action that the other two boys imitated.

"Oh, that's a wonderful idea!" Kaya cooed as she looked the bottles over. "And what are you sending him?"

"I'm sending him a story I wrote!"

"I'm sending a lizard!"

"I'm sending socks!" Onion flinched as his friends pinned him with duel glares. "What!? They're useful!"

"Well I think it all sounds wonderful!" Kaya hastily reassured them. "As a matter of fact, I think I'd like to send something to Usopp as well. Would you mind waiting a moment so that I can get it ready for him?"

"Sure!"

"Okay!"

"Well, I need to get back in time for dinner-" THWACK! "OW! Alright, alright, geeze..."

"Okay, give me one moment!" Kaya hastily darted back into her mansion, going up the stairs and towards her room. A minute later, she came down with a bottle of her own. "Here you go! Please, send it along with all of your gifts as well!"

"Alright!"

"You got it!"

"Merry Christmas, Miss Kaya!"

"And Merry Christmas to you!" Kaya said as she closed the door.

The trio immediately started walking away from the mansion towards the shore, crowding around the bottle all the while.

"What's she sending? What's she sending?" Carrot asked eagerly.

"Hm..." Pepper hummed curiously as he held his eye against the bottle. "It looks like a letter... with lipstick on it?"

"Wow, the Captain's one lucky guy..." Onion whistled in awe.

"Yeah..."

"Well come on, let's go!"

"Oh, hey! Do you want to do this in style?"

"Yeah! Okay, on three. One, two-!"

"THREE! PIRATES! PIRATES ARE COMING!"

-o-

"Blargh!"

Johnny looked curiously at Yosaku, who had just spat out… something. "What's wrong?"

"This pudding tastes like shit!" Yosaku complained, angrily jabbing his spoon in the offending dish. "The flavor's all wrong and it's grainy instead of smooth!"

"WHAT!?" Patty roared as he slammed his fist down on top of the bounty hunter's skull, bouncing his head against the immaculate dinner table he and his bro were dining at. "Are your tastebuds defective or something!? That pudding is 100% bonafide Baratie Christmas Pudding! It's the pride of our holidays! No way it could taste like anything less than ambrosia!"

"Oh yeah!?" Yosaku snarled darkly. "If it tastes so good, then why don't you try some!?"

"I will!" Patty snarled as he grabbed up a spoon and shoved a chunk of the dish into his mouth.

The second the pudding hit his tongue, Patty's face screwed up into an expression of horrified disgust, but he powered through and rolled it on his tongue before choking it down his throat. The second it was down, however, he screwed up his face furiously and roared towards the kitchen. "THAT TASTED LIKE SHIT! WHO THE HELL WASTED INGREDIENTS MAKING THAT!?

"YOU DID, YOU MORON!" Carne shot back as he stalked out of the kitchen balancing twice his height in platters.

Patty blinked as he ran over the list of dishes he'd made that day. "Oh, yeah, right." Then he went straight back to furious. "WELL IT'S NOT MY GODDAMN FAULT! SOMEONE FORGOT TO STIR IT WHILE IT WAS COOLING! WHOSE JOB WAS THAT!?"

Zeff snorted as he strode past Patty, his balance and gait not shifting an inch as he swung his pegleg up to slap the cook upside his head. "The shitty brat who's not here anymore, shitbrains."

Patty blinked in surprise before wincing guiltily as he picked the dish up from the table. "I'll... get you a new dish of pudding. I'll handle this myself." And with that he shambled back to the kitchen, his head hung low in shame.

Johnny and Yosaku watched the cook walk off with concern. "Hey, is he gonna be alright?" Yosaku asked.

"Eh, we all miss Sanji, but Patty'll be fine. That shithead's been through worse," Carne shrugged indifferently before giving the pair a curious once-over. "I'm wondering more about you two, though. Paying for everyone's meals during one of our biggest lunch rushes all year? Are you sure you two didn't hit your heads or something?"

Johnny laughed as he shrugged indifferently. "Hey, we got lucky and managed to come by some cash, so why not spread the good fortune? 'Tis the season, don'tcha know!"

"Yeah!" Yosaku nodded firmly in agreement. "Our good fortune should be the good fortune of others, it's only right! Besides, we're not spending it all, we have some set aside for the future! But for now, consider this a gift from us to everyone else here!"

Carne studied them for a moment longer before shrugging indifferently, albeit with an indulgent smile. "Eh, screw it, it's your money. Either way, Merry Christmas, and enjoy the food!"

As he strode back towards the kitchen, he couldn't help but think. 'Still, that story of how they got that money... Guess this must be what people call a Christmas Miracle, huh? After all... what other word is there for a billion beris literally falling out of the sky?'

-o-

"One one thousand~, two one thousand~, three one thousand~, four one thousand~..."

"Wow, Big Sis..." Chabo whistled as he observed the massive sum of cash that was weighing down Nojiko's table. "This is really somethin'... and you really think that they'll buy them again next year?"

"Not buy, Chabo, rent!" Nojiko swiftly corrected as she continued counting her cash. "The villagers are only renting those tangerine trees, and if they want to rent them again next Christmas, then they'd better return them unharmed the day after tomorrow!"

"So... wait..." Chabo trailed off as he tried counting on his fingers. "If you made this much money this year, and you're gonna make a lot more money next year, then in a few years..."

"I'm gonna be rich," Nojiko summarized primly as her eyes flashed beri signs. "Filthy, stinking, rich."

Chabo shuddered heavily as he inched away from the tangerine farmer. "You're your sister's sister alright, Big Sis..." he muttered nervously.

"And don't you forget it..." Nojiko sighed contentedly as she slowly fingered the cash. "Ah... it's official: there's nothing more lovely than a Green Christmas... Now, where was I... Oh, right! Five one thousand~..."

-o-

Knock knock!

"Um... Captain Smoker, sir?"

"Tsk... Master Chief Petty Officer Tashigi, I am about to smoke and savor a genuine, hand-rolled cigar from Juventad. Unless Straw Hat Luffy and his crewmate Cross are on deck and offering their full surrenders, you had better be prepared to spend Christmas swabbing the deck. With your toothbrush."

"Ah, well, you see sir, it's... it's the guy- I-I mean the men, sir! They're... doing it again, and seeing how we're out at sea I can't go to a bar or sword-shopping like I usually do and-!"

"Son of a... fine. Now where's the damn... there we go. All right, attention all hands. This is Captain Smoker speaking. As I'm forced to do every year by you morons, I am officially giving an order: if I see so much as one sprig of mistletoe anywhere onboard this ship, you'll all spend Christmas in the brig. Only this time, seeing how we're on a ship, you'll all have to share a cell. A situation which I imagine would be quite... uncomfortable. Do I make myself clear?"

The sound of scrambling boots suddenly echoed throughout the vessel.

"That's what I thought. Happy, Officer Tashigi?"

"Very. Thank you, sir, I'll go and enjoy dinner now."

"Good... Officer Tashigi."

"Yes sir?"

"..."

"Merry Christmas to you too sir!"

"Tsk..."

-o-

"Woah!" Crocus swore as he waved his arms desperately in an attempt to maintain his balance. "Careful, Laboon! You almost threw me off again!"

"Bwoooh..." Laboon crooned apologetically. The island whale did his best to hold still, but wound up shaking with earthquake-esque laughter moments later.

Crocus grumbled darkly as he held onto the whale's epidermis. "Damn it, Laboon..." Moments later, he allowed himself to chuckle as well. "To think that I'd find out that the whale I've lived with so long is ticklish! Or that I'd ever be painting a whale red and white in the first place! Ah, Roger, your touch on my life is still present to this day..."

"Bwoooh?"

"Ah, nothing Laboon. Anyways, if you have to make some noise, why not try a carol or two? Heaven knows we have reason to celebrate this year!"

"Bwooh bwooh bwooh, bwooh bwooh bwooh!"

"Jingle Bells, huh?" the old doctor laughed. "Well, I suppose it's better than nothing!"

-o-

"Mr. 5, is this even remotely a good idea?" Miss Valentine hissed out of the corner of her mouth.

"Not in the slightest, Miss Valentine," Mr. 5 hissed back. "But at the moment, I don't see what other option we have! For now, let's just try and stay out of the-!"

SMASH! "SILENCE!"

The assassins choked in terror as they hastily clamped their hands over their mouths.

"Thank you, Mister Broggy," Miss Goldenweek hummed. "More tea?"

"Why yes, thank you, little human!" the blond giant hummed as he held his tiny cup out, which the human filled up.

"And you, Mister Dorry?"

"Oh no, I couldn't!" the relatively taller giant denied. "Still, thank you very much human. Though..." He tilted his head in confusion. "You do realize that we won't help you off this island just for tea, yes?"

"That doesn't matter to me in the least, Mister Dorry," Miss Goldenweek hummed as she sipped her tea. "What matters is that today is Christmas, and neither of you have properly celebrated it for the past century. And that's terrible. So for now, we will sit here, we will have tea, and we will be polite. Agreed?"

"Agreed!" Broggy announced, thumping his chest. "Even almighty Elbaf himself respects Christmas! So for now, we shall break and rest. Aye, Dorry?"

"Aye, Broggy! This respite shall make the subsequent duels of our continuing battle all the more glorious!"

"Perfect. Now then..." The diminutive human glanced over her shoulder at the Mr. 5 pair, her eyes flashing slightly as she did so. "More tea, you two?"

"YES PLEASE!" the two hastily replied as they held their cups out to her.

"That's what I thought."

-o-

"HURRY UP, YOU SLOWPOKES! THE SUN'S ALMOST DOWN! IF WE'RE NOT READY BY THE TIME IT'S DARK, I'LL HAVE YOUR HIDES FOR FLAGS!"

"Have some patience, Doctor Kureha, we're almost done."

"Tsk..." Kureha scoffed as she sipped from the eggnog bottle she was clutching. "If you have time to talk, Dalton, then you have time to work. I'm seriously considering my threat."

The new president of the Sakura Kingdom shuddered at the idea of angering the nation's surgeon general, but forged on anyways. "That aside... Doctor, are you certain that this will work?"

"KAK KAK KAK!" Kureha cackled before jabbing her finger at Dalton. "Don't underestimate me, you big old ox! The quack's concoction was ingenious, true, but I am and always will be his superior! I can alter it however I damn well please. Hence... ARE YOU ALL READY OR WHAT!?"

"MA'AM YES MA'AM!"

"THEN FIRE!"

BOO-BOO-BOOM!

A cascade of explosions rang out from the line of cannons arrayed in front of the castle, discharging the powder-payloads held within into the air.

Moments later, sounds of awe and applause echoed out from all around the kingdom below.

"Well I'll be damned..." Dalton breathed in awe.

"KAK KAK KAK KAK!" Kureha cackled as she took another pull from her bottle, basking beneath the cloud of green and red that covered the skies of the kingdom and formed the greatest Christmas Tree in existence. "And don't you forget it, brat!"

-o-

In the doorway of the Rain Dinners Casino, two individuals of momentous influence faced off against one another.

On one side stood King Nefertari Cobra, rightful ruler of the kingdom of Alabasta and father of Princess Nefertari Vivi.

On the other side was General Kohza, childhood friend of Princess Vivi, leader of the Alabastan Rebellion, and unwitting pawn of the criminal organization known as Baroque Works.

For what felt like an eternity, the two stared each other dead in the eye, neither giving anything away to the other.

Finally, Cobra bowed his head with a sigh. "I don't suppose there's any point in me once again saying...?"

Kohza snorted and shook his head. "I don't want to hear it, old man. Let's not ruin the holiday spirit."

Cobra pursed his lips and nodded in agreement. He then reached into his robes, causing Kohza to tense. The king affixed an affronted glare on the young man. "You might think me a cruel man, Kohza, but the mere notion that I would attempt to assassinate you today of all days is legitimately insulting. Nevertheless, here." And with that, Cobra drew an object from his robes and tossed it to Kohza.

Kohza caught the object, and blinked in surprise as he looked it over. "Is... is this-?"

"Aged durian juice, yes," Cobra confirmed with a smile. "It's still your favorite, I trust?"

"Yeah, it is..." Kohza breathed in awe, before directing a hesitant smile at Cobra. "Well, looks like we think alike. I've got one of the last barrels of Yuba water inside. Come on." He gestured inside. "Shall we join the troops?"

Cobra smiled and nodded in return. "Indeed. Let the Christmas truce begin."

-o-

"Are you certain that this course of action is wise, Mister Zero? What if they were to reconcile in some manner?"

"No worries, Miss All Sunday. The wounds we've inflicted between the fools above us run too deep. Let them celebrate for now. After all, this'll be the last Christmas many of them will live to see."

"Hmph. Very well then. Did you have any other reasons to call me here?"

"Indeed. Here, take this."

"Hm? A gift? Doesn't seem like you, Crocodile."

"Just open the damn present, Nico Robin."

"Fine, fine, very we-! Th-this is a textbook from-!"

"I had to hand over quite the pretty beri to that damn bastard Joker for it... but I suppose that we all must make exceptions at times. Merry Christmas, Nico Robin."

"...and to you as well, Crocodile."

-o-

Laki made her way through the Shandoran camp, both swiftly and frantically, as she searched high and low for one of two people.

Finally, coming to the camp's central 'plaza', so to speak, she managed to catch sight of one of the two people she was looking for, though definitely not the one she had hoped for.

Laki sighed in exasperation before marching up to the person in question. "Wiper."

"Laki," the famed berserker grunted, staring up at the central totem pole as he munched down on the contents of a small bag he was holding.

Laki hesitated slightly before groaning and deciding to bite the bullet. "Wiper, have you seen Aisa anywhere? I've been looking for her all over, but, well..."

"Yeah, I've seen her."

Laki's eye twitched in annoyance at the berserker's no doubt deliberate brevity. "Where is Aisa?"

Wiper was silent for a moment as he continued to eat before responding, his eyes never leaving the totem pole. "You'll be glad to know that I managed to find a replacement for the Christmas Star that was accidentally broken yesterday."

Laki allowed herself to grin teasingly at the warrior. "You mean the star that Genbo crushed when he sat on it?"

Wiper coughed slightly as some of whatever he was eating went down the wrong pipe before reasserting himself. "A-anyways... I-I managed to find a replacement. A good one too, in my opinion."

Laki frowned and huffed in exasperation. "That's great, but what does that have to do with anything?" She then tilted her head to follow his gaze. "And what are you looking at-!" Laki trailed off as she stared at the top of the totem pole. "Oh you son of a bitch."

Wiper shrugged indifferently as he swallowed another mouthful of whatever-it-was. "A little harsh, perhaps, but you have to admit, it works, right?"

"MMMMPH!" Aisa shrieked through her gag, struggling furiously against the ropes that were keeping her tied to the top of the totem pole.

"Are you completely out of your mind, Wiper!?" Laki demanded incredulously.

Wiper hummed contemplatively before responding. "To be fair, she earned it."

"MMPH MMMPH!" Aisa roared in denial.

"How could she possibly have earned that!?" Laki questioned pointedly.

Wiper shrugged carelessly. "She snuck out to Upper Yard to gather Vearth again, and on her way back through Angel Island, she was caught by one of the Skypieans. And instead of fighting to the death like a true warrior of Shandora, she instead accepted the bag of roasted almonds the 'Conis' girl gave her out of some misguided sentiment of pity."

"MMPH!"

Laki blinked in shock as she processed the explanation before rallying. "Nevertheless, that kind of reaction is not only cruel, but-!"

"Also, I'm pretty sure she's been using her Mantra to follow us around and puzzle out where we're hiding the presents."

Laki and Aisa both froze at that statement, with Laki snapping her gaze up to Aisa while the girl suddenly broke out in a cold sweat and refused to look her in the eyes, squirming furiously at the scrutiny.

A second later, Laki grinned cheekily. "Well, to be fair, you are a very pretty angel, Aisa. Don't worry though, we'll let you down... eventually."

"MMMRGH!?"

"Enjoy!" Laki sang as she turned around and started to walk away... before freezing as a thought struck her. She looked over her shoulder and took in the bag Wiper was eating from. "...roasted almonds, huh?"

"Yup," Wiper grunted as he held up the sack in question. "Pretty good, I'll admit. Want some?"

"Don't mind if I do!"

"MMMMMRGH!"

-o-

Foxy huffed and wheezed as he ran back into the kitchen, taking a moment to double over and catch his breath before making his way over to the pantry. "Hamburg! Get me three bags of cocoa dust! The South Blue party is starting to run out!"

"Sure thing, boss!" Hamburg huffed as he tossed a trio of canvas sacks at his captain. Hard.

"YEEK! SLOW-SLOW BEAM!" Foxy shrieked in terror, hastily snapping out a ray of Slow-Slow particles and tagging the sacks before they could slam into him. "WATCH IT, DUMBASS!"

"Pupupu! Sorry Boss!"

"Yeah, well-!"

"Hamburg!"

Before Foxy could lay into his subordinate, he was interrupted by Porsche running in.

"Where's the eggnog? The Grand Liners are running out, and I heard whispers about raiding the West Blue party for it!"

"Oh, speaking of the West Blue-ers, how are the Jonga Brothers doing?" Foxy inquired.

"A little bit hesitant, but Itomimizu was doing his best to get them involved, and everyone else was nice and welcoming. I'm sure they'll get along fine."

"Ah, that's good," Foxy sighed in relief. "Those boys have been standoffish for the past month, I was actually starting to get worried."

"Yeah, well, they'll almost certainly be a lot more standoffish if their own crewmates raid their party for eggnog, so where is it already!?" Porsche demanded hastily.

Hamburg pointed to an array of barrels next to her. "Third from the left."

Porsche eyed the large container miserably before casting a pleading look at her captain. "Captain Foxy, can't we please get someone to help us with this? Pickles, maybe? Or Capote? Heck, I'll even take Big Pan at this point, and he's liable to eat everything!"

"Absolutely out of the question!" Foxy snarled as he crossed his arms in denial. "Our men work hard for me all year long! Today is about them and only them! We'll take care of their needs so that they can all get to relax! Now less jabbering, more-!" THWACK! "GAH!" CRASH!

"CAPTAIN!"

"PUPUPUPUPU! He forgot about the bags! PUPUPUPU!"

"DAMN IT, YOU MUSCLE-CLAD MORON, STOP LAUGHING AND HELP ME DIG HIM OUT ALREADY!"

"The things I do for this crew..." Foxy groaned out from beneath the mountain of supplies that had fallen on him.

-o-

"So boss, I just want to confirm..." Paulie hummed as he chewed on his cigar. "Are you really sure that it's such a good idea to leave Christmas to Franky of all people? I mean, well..."

"I think what Paulie's trying to say, sir, is that in the end, it is Franky," Kaku provided bluntly. "He can be quite the hooligan, so are you certain it's wise to leave the celebrations in his hands?"

"What they're trying to say is that they're worried that bastard'll just wreck everything!" Rob Lucci provided by way of his pigeon Hattori.

"Though it pains me to speak against you, Mister Mayor, I fear that for once they might be correct," Kalifa agreed as she primly adjusted her glasses.

"THE HELL DO YOU MEAN 'FOR ONCE', YOU SHAMELESS HARLOT!?" Paulie roared furiously as he jerked towards the secretary.

"I believe she's referring the incident when you stupidly bet three months' worth of pay on a yagara bull whose odds to win were two-hundred to one," Kaku explained with a sigh.

"THAT WASN'T MY FAULT, I HAD NO IDEA THAT ZAMBAI WAS LYING ABOUT THAT BULL!"

Rob Lucci shot a flat look at his coworker. Well... flatter, at any rate. "You had no idea... that Zambai... of the Franky Family... was lying to you."

Paulie opened his mouth to respond... and promptly shut it with an embarrassed snarl as he spun his stool to face the bar. "Where's that damn eggnog, Blueno!?"

"Here, here," the large horn-haired man laughed as he thunked a mug in front of the shipwright. "And don't worry, it's on the house. I could never make you all pay on Christmas!"

"We're much obliged, Blueno," Iceburg nodded at the bartender with a smile before addressing his employees. "And don't worry about Franky. I know he might be a brute most of the time, but if there's one time of the year he can put his... exuberant personality to good use, it's Christmas. Believe me, I'm sure everything will be fine."

Almost as if in response, a loud thunk echoed from the roof of the bar, followed by a very familiar voice. "HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! I REALIZE THAT I'M ALWAYS IN THE MOOD FOR THE HOLIDAYS, BUT THIS YEAR, I'M FEELIN' EVEN JOLLY-AH!"

"That one was weak, Franky!" Iceburg shouted upwards. "And either get that sleigh of yours to actually fly or drive it on the streets! Next year, you'll be the one paying for retiling almost a hundred rooftops!"

"CRAM IT UP YOUR STOCKING, ICE-FOR-BRAINS!" Franky roared back, his voice being swiftly followed up by the sound of reins snapping and roof tiles crunching under the weight of yagara-bull treads.

"Well, there goes the weekend," Paulie groaned, slamming his forehead against the bar.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Blueno spoke up eagerly. He reached beneath the bar and held out a gift-wrapped package to Rob Lucci. "Here you go, Lucci. I got you a present."

"Really now?" Lucci cocked an eyebrow as he took the gift. "What is it?"

"Open it and find out, genius!" Paulie scoffed as he stewed in his eggnog.

Lucci rolled his eyes at his coworker's frank tone before removing the wrapping paper, revealing a package of-

CRUNCH!

Iceburg blinked in surprise as the bar suddenly splintered beneath Lucci's fingers. "What's wrong Lucci?" The Mayor glanced over his employee's shoulder and blinked in surprise as he saw what he was holding. "Huh? Why would that upset you?"

"What is it, sir?" Kaku asked as he started to drink from his own mug, an action that Kalifa was performing at the same time.

"It appears to be a bag of catnip, but I don't-!"

"PFFFF!"

Iceburg and Paulie both jumped in surprise when Kaku and Kalifa suddenly jerked forwards, spraying their drinks back into their cups.

"What the hell is so funny!?" Paulie demanded incredulously, staring at his coworkers in disbelief.

Kaku's sole response was to shake his head furiously. He was unable to say anything else on account of how he was burying his face in the crook of one arm while the other pounded on the bar helplessly, his body shaking and shivering all the while.

Kalifa wasn't much better, only just managing to stay on her stool as she fought to keep her hand clamped over the massive smile she was sporting. "N-nothing, Paulie!" she managed to work out. "J-just a litt-tle in-joke i-is all!"

"I thought it would be... appropriate," Blueno offered cheekily, the statement causing Kalifa and Kaku to shiver anew.

Lucci glared daggers at his co-workers as he throttled the package. "Yes yes, laugh it up you hyenas. It's not that- huh?" Lucci cut himself off in surprise as he noticed he was making his voice come out of empty air on account of his shoulder being devoid of life, avian or otherwise.

A quick glance downwards awarded him with an answer to the situation: Hattori was unavailable to act as his marionnette at the moment on account of how he was too busy flailing about on the floor of the bar, laughing his feathery white ass off.

Lucci glared at the pigeon for a moment longer before growling into his eggnog. "Traitors..."

-o-

"Bwooh bwooh bwooh, bwooh bwooh bwooh!"

"Yohohoho! Your rendition of jingle bells is spectacular, Laboon!"

"He's certainly better than you, Brook! You're always off key! Nuhahahaha!"

"With all due respect, captain, screw you! Yohoho-!"

"Hohoho-huh!?" Brook 'blinked' in shock as he jerked awake, snapping his sightless gaze around the deck of the Rumbar Pirates' second ship.

After a moment of fruitless staring, Brook groaned sadly and flopped back onto the deck, his limbs spread-eagled.

"Merry Christmas, Laboon..." Brook sighed melancholically as he watched the snow drift down over him. "It warms my heart to know that at least one of us is having one... even though I don't have a heart. Yo ho ho..."

-o-

"COME ON YOU DAMN SLOWPOKES! MOVE YOUR ROTTING CARCASSES! DECK THE NORTH HALLS, FILL THE CUPS IN THE BALLROOM, DRAIN THE BARRELS! MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

Absalom growled darkly as he sidestepped a band of zombies carrying a Christmas Tree between them all. "Why the hell do you bastards never move this fast for me!?" he demanded indignantly.

"You're nowhere near as scary as Mistress Perona!" another zombie replied as he dashed by, his arms loaded down with boughs of holly.

"WHAT!?" Absalom started to snarl, before he was swiftly drowned out.

"WHAT!?" Perona shrieked furiously as she suddenly materialized in the poor undead's face.

"O-O-Only during this time of year though, Mistress Perona!" the zombie hastily hedged. "T-t-the rest of the year you're cute! H-hyper cute! Q-q-queen of cute!"

Perona's expression immediately shifted to her usual smile. "Much better." Aaaand then it was straight back to demonic. "NOW GET THE HELL BACK TO WORK BEFORE I TEAR YOU LIMB FROM FUCKING LIMB!"

"YES MISTRESS PERONA!" the zombie shrieked, swiftly taking to his heels.

"AND YOU!" Perona howled as she rounded on Absalom, causing him to instinctively take a hesitant step back. "WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING THE HOLIDAY SWEATER I MADE YOU!?"

Absalom sweated nervously at Perona's tone of voice before doing his best to rally. "I-I refuse to wear that mess of red and green yarn you have the gall to call clothing! It is an affront to attire everywhere! Plus, the wool makes me itch."

Perona's lips drew back into a snarl as she shoved her astral face in Absalom's snout. "You'll wear it and you'll like it, or else I swear on all that is cute and cuddly I will make you wear it!"

"HA! You can't even make Kumacy stay silent! How the hell could you make me-!?"

"HORROR HOLLOW!"

One screaming, flailing, eldritch mass of ectoplasm later, and Absalom was numbly stumbling down one of Thriller Bark's many corridors, clad in a garment only slightly less demented-looking then the terror he'd been confronted with moments ago.

After a minute of aimless wandering, Absalom managed to run into Doctor Hogback... who was clad in an equally terror-inducing 'sweater'.

"Perona got you too, huh?" the medical genius deadpanned as he sipped from the mug of hot cocoa he was carrying.

"Why the hell do we put up with that little brat?" Absalom growled murderously as he picked at the mess of yarn over his torso.

"Because if she wanted to, Mistress Perona could pop your heads like bugs and you'd be able to do absolutely jack about it..." Kumacy huffed as he rolled a massive snowball past the two of them.

"SHUT THE HELL UP, KUMACY!"

Absalom and Hogback jumped as Perona's voice shrieked through the great manor's corridors.

"I thought she was back in the main hall," Hogback hissed.

Kumacy's response was to jab one of his hands upwards, indicating a Negative Hollow that the two members of the Mysterious Four hadn't noticed until then.

The Invisible Man and the Mad Doctor exchanged panicked looks before hastily digging flasks out of their pockets and draining them as swiftly as they could.

Meanwhile, up in the manor's master bedroom, Gecko Moria was lounging on his Warlord-sized bed without a care in the world, grinning widely as he listened to his abode's holiday hustle and bustle.

"HANG THOSE STOCKINGS! DECORATE THOSE TREES! SCULPT THAT SNOW! HURRY THE HELL UP YOU JACKASSES! I SWEAR, IF THIS ISLAND ISN'T FULLY HOLLY-JOLLY BY SUNDOWN, HEADS ARE GOING TO FUCKING ROLL! AND I MEAN THAT GODDAMN LITERALLY!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Perona!" Moriah chuckled as he picked up a giant candy cane and started crushing it between his teeth. "MERRY CHRISTMAS! KISHISHISHISHI!"

-o-

"Here's the next batch of octopus, Hachi!" Keimi called as she popped her torso out of the waves, hefting the net she was lugging up into the Takoyaki 8's kitchen.

"Thanks Kaimie!" Hachi smiled as he used one of his arms to unravel the net, his other five a blur of motion over the grill. "The holiday rush is great, and I'm almost out of-!" Hachi froze as he actually saw what was in the net. "THESE AREN'T OCTOPI, THEY'RE SQUID!"

"OH CRAP!" Keimi shrieked fearfully. "I JUST GRABBED THE FIRST SLIMY LONG-LIMBED THINGS I COULD SEE!"

"HOW THE HELL COULD YOU MAKE THAT KIND OF MISTAKE!?" Pappug demanded incredulously from where he was handling the stand's money.

"I'M SORRY!"

"It's alright, it's alright!" Hachi hastily reassured her. "I'll just use it as a substitute and offer some dried squid! I'm sure our customers will still love it! Here's hoping that Ikaros doesn't hear about this though, hoo boy..."

"Ah, Hachi, speaking of the customers!" Pappug hastily interjected. "Are you sure you want the prices to be so low? I mean, holiday spirit and all I get, but if we just had everything at at least half price-!"

"It's not about the money, Pappug," Hatchan explained patiently as he got to work spearing the squids. "It's about-"

"Making our customers happy during the happiest time of the year, I know, I know," Pappug sighed, smiling fondly nonetheless as he got back to work.

"Then let's get to it!" Hachi nodded enthusiastically before smiling towards his customers and holding out a stick of takoyaki. "Order up! And please, enjoy the holidays! Next please!"

-o-

"Give it up, Old Man, you can't beat me!" Ace laughed as he knocked back his mug. "I'm a lean, mean, drinking machine!"

"Gurararara!" Whitebeard laughed back as he chugged the barrel he was holding. "Speak for yourself, brat! Youth means shit before experience!"

"Psh!" Ace scoffed as he waved his hand, only just managing to stay stable on the barrel he was sitting on. "Maybe so, but I've got a distinct advantage! I can literally burn the alcohol out of my system, gramps! I can keep this up all! Day! Lo-!" Without warning, Ace fell backwards off his barrel, snoring at the top of his lungs.

"GURARARARA!" Whitebeard cackled as he toasted his barrel at his crew. "Well, that's one down, who's next? Come on, the night's still young! By the time we're done, we're going to make the Redhair Brats' hangovers look like migraines by comparison! WHO'S WITH ME!?"

"AYE-AYE, POPS!"

"GURARARARA!"

-o-

"AHCHOO!" Shanks sneezed violently, groaning as he swiftly wiped his nose before going back to rubbing his head. "Damn it... of all the times for people to be talking about me..."

"You do give people a lot of reasons to talk, chore boy."

"Bite me, Old Man Raleigh..." Shanks grumbled as he examined the items laid out before him.

Silvers Raleigh shrugged indifferently, grinning as he drank from the bottle he was holding.

"Eurgh, anyways..." The red-haired Emperor turned his attention back to the bottles laid out before him. "Hey, Ben! Just to be clear, the wine's going to Mihawk, the rum is going to Kaidou-"

"No, the sake is going to Kaidou," Ben Beckmann corrected boredly as he polished his rifle. "The rum is for Whitebeard, the soda is for Big Mom, and the whiskey is for Garp."

"Ah, right, right... and this clear bottle..." Shanks held up the container in question and swirled it in front of his eyes. "Nitroglycerine, right?"

"At least you didn't mistake it for vodka..." Ben huffed.

Raleigh gave his old subordinate a bemused look. "Who the hell are you sending nitroglycerine to?"

"The Five Elder Stars."

"...excuse me?"

Shanks' grin went from ear to ear. "Well, it's not Christmas without a good gag-gift, is it?"

Raleigh stared at Shanks flatly for a moment before slowly opening his mouth.

"For the last time, Old Man, I'm 100% positive that I'm not a D!"

"Psh. Could have fooled me."

-o-

Hack cocked an eyebrow as he looked down on Sabo's prone form, calmly inspecting the black eye that was swiftly developing upon his faithful student's partner in revolution. "And what have we learned about trying to set up mistletoe along Koala's usual route to the sparring ring?"

"Getting caught is liable to be very painful?" Sabo groaned.

"Atta boy."

Dragon glanced down at his Chief of Staff as he passed by him, stopping long enough to shoot him a cheeky grin. "The winds of fate can often be violent and turbulent, Sabo, but even should you fail to grasp them, never fear to try again when next they blow."

"Translation, sir?"

"Better luck next year."

"Understood sir..."

-o-

Within the holding pen he shared with his sibling, Proto-Drake No. 1, colloquially known as 'Big Red' by most others who weren't his creator, was slumbering peacefully, his titanic mass rising and falling in time with his breaths and earth-rumbling snoring. It had been a long week of testing, and the great beast was grateful for the respite it was being granted.

Suddenly, its slumber was interrupted by something large slamming into the ground next to him, followed by a most mouthwatering smell hitting his nostrils.

Cracking his eyelids open, Big Red immediately snapped his head up eagerly as he managed to catch sight of a most welcome sight: meat. A titanic slab of meat, almost as big as he was, just lying there, ripe for the taking.

Lumbering to his feet, Big Red immediately lurched himself onto the lightly-cooked flesh and started to rip into it, managing to swallow several mouthfuls of flesh-

"GWOWOWO!"

SLAM!

"GWOOOOH!"

Before he was suddenly knocked onto his side by an all-too-familiar impact.

Snorting furiously, Big Red heaved himself back upright and glared at the perpetrator of the attack: his younger brother, Proto-Drake No. 2, A.K.A. 'Little Green'.

The relatively diminutive dragon was snorting and snuffling eagerly as he eyed his elder sibling, dancing back and forth on his prize as he awaited the retaliation he knew was coming.

Big Red didn't disappoint. Roaring out a challenge, the titanic lizard lunged forwards and swiped his claws at his sibling. The nimble being managed to flap over the projected strike...

SLAM!

"GWOWOH!"

But had less luck with the tail that came out of nowhere, bouncing him off the pen's wall.

Still, despite the force of the impact, Little Green was back up in moments, zipping towards Big Red and slamming into him with more force than a being his size had the right to muster.

The bout went on for several minutes more, the dragons exchanging titanic blow after titanic blow, with neither giving nor gaining any ground or quarter.

Finally though, once the siblings had both gotten their licks in and worked off their excess energy, they both sat down and got back to enjoying their impromptu meal. Despite the occasional bat or swipe, the two dragons were content to enjoy both the feast before them as well as each other's company.

Outside the pen, a man shrouded in shadows smiled lightly at the display before turning on his heel and striding back into the corridors of Punk Hazard. The day was young, and he had many more experiments to temporarily put on hold.

After all, Vegapunk thought to himself, it would not do to focus on work on Christmas. Oh no, it would simply not do at all.

-o-

The mood amongst the gladiators of the Corrida Colosseum was substantially subdued as the fighters slowly made their way back to their cells after training. It might have been Christmas for the rest of the kingdom, and Donquixote might be taking care of their families during the holidays, but the holiday cheer could do little to help lighten the mood.

While Doflamingo lavished the kingdom outside with gifts and festivities, his actions towards the gladiators were... paltry, to say the least. The food in their meals was actually fresh, sure... but in all honesty, the quality of the ingredients did little to improve the taste of the gruel.

As such, the gladiator's expectations were beyond exceeded when they found a veritable cornucopia of gifts awaiting them in their cells.

New and vintage pieces of armor, quality weapons designed to last for countless battles, blankets and clothing aplenty to help them through the cold nights, all these needs and more were met by the presents that were individually addressed to them by name.

For a few minutes, the gladiators were... leery, to say the least. Who was to say that these 'gifts' weren't tricks from Doflamingo? That they weren't boobytrapped or destined to be yanked away from them at critical moments or bait with which to bring down punishment upon them?

Thankfully, those worries were soon dispelled by Rebecca noticing a small card attached to one of the cell's bars.

"To: the Gladiators of Corrida Colosseum.

From: Santa's Little Helpers."

For a few moments, the gladiators were silent as they processed the information.

Then, for the first time in a very long time, they started to well and truly celebrate the holiday with gusto.

-o-

I hummed a few offkey bars of a medley of Christmas carols as I leaned on Merry's railing.

It had been quite the day for our crew. Some bits of it were familiar enough, stringing up decorations, cooking holiday meals like eggnog and such...

Other events, however, were far more indicative of our crew. Nami giving Sanji a black eye for almost accidentally getting her and Vivi beneath some mistletoe had been one. I myself had had a more... enjoyable experience when I managed to take Carue's place when Vivi almost ran into him. It was just on the cheek, but still, it was the thought that counted.

In the end, it was plain and clear to see that the holiday spirit was alive and well on the Going Merry. We were all laughing, we were all having a good time, and the party that was being thrown in the kitchen was at full swing.

This fact was made especially evident when the door creaked open behind me, disgorging a wave of sound and laughter.

"Hey Cross!" Nami laughed as she walked up behind me. "Are you going to come in or what? Sanji's eggnog is... whoo!" She laughed as she shakily supported herself against the railing. "It's actually pretty damn strong! And Soundbite's actually pretty good at singing when he skips past all the dirty limericks!"

I chuckled slightly at her antics before waving her off. "Yeah yeah, don't worry, I'll be along in a bit. I'm just..." I gestured upwards at the stars. "Enjoying the view."

Nami giggled drunkenly as she nodded in acceptance. "Fair enough, Commie!" She plopped a red and white hat down on top of my head and started to make her way back to the kitchen. "Merry Christmas, Cross!"

"Merry Christmas, matey," I shot back with a backwards wave.

Once the door shut, I stared up at the stars contemplatively, my mind a million miles off.

To think... that at this moment, in this world, across this world, Christmas was being celebrated. A holiday I'd never truly expected to see again. A holiday from my home...

I couldn't help but smile fondly at the thought. Something so familiar, so normal, appearing in this world just like that. Truly the Blue Seas never ceased to amaze.

I wondered... just how many other things were similar? How many other aspects from there could be found here? Where did they start, and where did they end?

Truly a momentous question. Still though... in the end, did it really matt-

"HO HO HO!"

I snapped my head up at the sound that echoed over the seas, raking the night sky for signs of... well, anything really.

A shadow flitting across the moon, a trail of sparkles in the sky... and then nothing.

I blinked numbly as I tried, tried to process what I'd seen. Was that actually-? Was it even possible-?

Finally, I turned on my heel and numbly marched towards the kitchen, shouldering my way inside.

I ignored everything around me as I beelined straight for the nearest bottle of alcohol, snatching it up and upending it, draining the liquid held within in a single, swift sitting.

Once that task was accomplished, I flung the bottle aside, climbed upon the table and threw my arms out wide.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!" I bellowed, the alcohol slurring my voice. "AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

And with that, I fell backwards and plunged once more into the abyss, a goofy grin proudly displayed on my face.

-FIN-

Xomniac A.N. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the creative forces of This Bites!, and good fortune to you and your families!

CV12Hornet A.N. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals.