Chapter 17
"Hooooot..."
"We know, Luffy..."
"Sooo hooot..."
"We know."
"I'm out of sweeeeat..."
"WE KNOW!"
I sighed and wiped my forehead. However repetitive, damn if Luffy wasn't right. It was stupid hot, and worse, it wasn't the kind of heat I was used to. Florida was hot, sure, but at least the humidity kept you somewhat hydrated. Here in Alabasta? Not only was it even hotter than Florida, which I almost hadn't believed possible, it was dry heat. It was like an oven, and much like a cake, I could almost feel myself drying out.
Still, at least I was better off than the rest of the crew.
"Uuuuuuuugh…"
Especially Chopper. Poor guy was entirely out of commission, lying on one of the sleds. It certainly didn't help that he smelled disturbingly delicious as well.
I winced as my foot slipped slightly in the sand as I tried to balance the share of supplies I was carrying. I was especially cursing the fact that I had had the foresight to grab the water from Luffy. Upside, we wouldn't dry out like raisins. Downside? Holy shit this stuff was stupid heavy!
When I'd mentioned that to Zoro, he'd just laughed and said it was good training. It'd taken Vivi and Usopp's combined efforts to keep me from breaking the cask over his skull. Apparently they didn't think dehydration was a worthy price like I did.
"I hope we reach those crags soon, or else I'm going to use someone's skin to make a freaking tent..." I growled to myself.
"I'LL HELP!" Soundbite hollered in agreement, his voice only slightly muffled by the water barrel. I'd been forced to stash him there within a few minutes of us hitting the desert. It was either that or listen to a third rerun of 'Disco Inferno', and I was not going to going through that again if I could help it.
"Don't worry Cross, you'll be fine," Vivi patted my shoulder reassuringly. "I know the desert might seem daunting, but there's really nothing to fear."
I started to absentmindedly nod in agreement. Then I froze as I actually heard what she said. My eye twitched furtively for a scant moment before I turned my head to shoot a sickly grin at the princess.
"Nothing... to fear... in the desert," I repeated slowly. "Is that right? Is that what you just said?"
Vivi blinked in confusion at my tone. "Um... yes, that's right, why?"
I immediately came to a halt as I grabbed the collar of her cloak.
"Nothing, nothing at all, absolutely nothing to fear whatsoever- LUFFY, DON'T EAT THAT!" I barked viciously.
"I wasn't doin' nuffin'!" Luffy mumbled out around his stuffed cheeks until Sanji kicked his stomach and forced him to spit our supplies out. "JERKS!"
"So again, to reiterate," I glared at Vivi viciously. "Nothing, is that right?"
"Ah..." Vivi leaned away from me, confused and nervous in the face of my vehemence. "Yes, nothing! Why? What's this about!?"
It might have been the heat playing holy hell with me, but I swear that I felt something snap in the back of my mind then and there as I plastered a thoroughly sickly grin on my face. "Ooooh, nothing, nothing..." I crooned sweetly. "I'm just thinking that the story I read must have been in a different desert. After all, such a safe desert such as this one wouldn't have such dangers as hallucinogenic cacti that could throw Luffy into a rampage, hmm?"
Vivi blinked in confusion for a moment before stiffening slightly with a stricken expression. "Ah..."
"Nor would this fine, fine ecosystem house such deadly, deadly creatures as the spider known as the Desert Strawberry, hmmmm?"
Sweat started coursing down Vivi's face, and it had legitimately nothing to do with the heat. "I, um, ah..."
"And of course, those vicious, vicious Bandit Birds that con people, ah, no, not people," I jabbed my finger at Luffy. "Suckers, birds that con suckers, out of their supplies and leave them to die of starvation, must be from the other Alabastan Kingdom, HMM?"
Vivi's expression started to take on a sickly blue tone. "I-I-I, ah, t-that is to say-!"
"And of course, the TEN-TON MAN-EATING LIZARD MONSTERS THAT BURY THEMSELVES IN THE FUCKING SAND MUST BE AS CUDDLY AS FUCKING PUPPIES, HMMMM!?"
"GROOOARGH!"
One of the nearby dunes erupted as one of said lizard monsters roared into view, snarling and hissing at us viciously.
"SCREW OFF, SCALE-ASS, NOBODY ASKED YOU!" I snarled as my jabbed my finger at the reptile.
The Sandora Dragon paused as it blinked in shock. It took a moment to glance around in confusion before slowly pointing at itself. "GRO?"
"YES, YOU!" I shouted furiously. "I DON'T HAVE ANY FUCKING TIME FOR YOU RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW, I'M TOO BUSY CHEWING OUT THIS KIND BUT DITZY PRINCESS FOR ALMOST GETTING US ALL- ah screw it I'm sick of this conversation, alright guys, sic 'im."
"GRORGH!?"
"GUM-GUM BAZOOKA!"
"THREE-SWORD STYLE! DRAGON TWISTER!"
"EPAULE SPRAWL!"
We all watched in unequal parts awe and exasperation as the trio assaulted the Sandoran Dragon. For longer than was strictly necessary, the sound of combat was all there was to be heard.
Finally, Vivi broke the monotony by giving me a bemused look. "Ditzy?"
"You forgot that you had baby Godzillas in your backyard, woman!"
"First, I don't know what a 'godzilla' is, and second, in my defense, thanks to the Supersonic Duck Squadron, it usually doesn't take long for the royal family to travel through the desert, so at most I've heard about all of those things from Pell and Chaka."
I opened my mouth to respond... then slowly shut it. "That... is quite possibly a fair point."
"BULL-SHIT IT IS!" Soundbite roared.
At long last, the carnage ended as the reptilian corpse was slammed into the sand, throwing up a sizable cloud of dust.
"Couldn't they have just scared it off?" Usopp lamented.
"Against those three at once?" Nami deadpanned. "That poor monster didn't stand a chance."
I nodded in agreement. Poor bastard. As I watched, though, I saw Luffy's mouth moving from atop the corpse. Frowning, I tapped Soundbite's shell. "Hey, what's Luffy saying?"
There was the familiar whine of Soundbite's power, and Luffy's voice started filtering through the transceiver.
"Hey, do you think we could eat this?"
I couldn't help but chuckle at that. Classic Luffy.
A few hours (or was it days? Years? Decades? In all likelihood, it was half an hour, tops. This heat was playing high holy hell with my head) later, after marching through the massive dunes and unerring heat, a shadow came into view in the distance.
I shaded my eyes, squinting towards the horizon. "Are those the crags, or is that just another wishful mirage of Walmart?"
"Superior mirages don't happen in deserts, not during the day," Nami muttered under her breath. At the questioning look I gave her, she sighed and slipped into lecturing mode. "Okay, there are two kinds of mirages, superior and inferior. Only superior mirages will produce the image of an actual object, but they require a layer of cold air under a layer of warm air, so a desert, with its hot ground, will not produce a superior mirage. Besides, even if it was a superior mirage, the object would still be real, just hidden under the horizon. So, to answer your question: yes, those are most likely crags. Water, please?"
"Thank you for the educational experience, Bill Nye," I chuckled as I handed the barrel over to her.
Nami cocked an eyebrow at me as she took a mouthful. "Who?"
"Bill Nye the Science-!"
"BILL BILL BILL BILL BILL!"
"GAH!" Nami yelped in shock, nearly dropping the barrel as Soundbite suddenly hollered from within the barrel, forcing me to grab it. "Son of a- You'd better not have gotten any of your mucus in that, you little slug!"
"Who me? Couldn't be!"
"Don't worry, I made sure that there's a layer of cloth between him and the water so that he doesn't drown or contaminate it," I reassured her hastily.
"Uh, wait, I'm confused..." Luffy spoke up from the back of the group where he was hauling the majority of our supplies, following a rousing round of 'Because we said so, that's why!' "So are those real rocks or just a mystery mirage?"
I grabbed the back of Nami's cloak before she could attempt to strangle Luffy, giving Usopp a weary look. "Well?"
"Umm..." The sniper drew down one of his goggles' lenses and adjusted it a bit before grinning in relief. "Looks like real rocks, guys!"
"REALLY? WOOHOO! BREAKTIME!" Luffy roared eagerly as he made to dash ahead.
"HOLD IT!" I bellowed as I held my hand out in a 'stop' motion.
Everyone instantly froze, holding their breaths in anticipation.
I hastily darted over to Luffy's sled and sat on top of the supplies before giving his shoulder a pat. "Okay, now go!"
"MUSH, RUBBER-BRAIN!" Soundbite concurred.
"YOU GOT IT!" Luffy bellowed as he continued his reckless dash.
"WAIT A SECOND!" Everyone screamed after us, but to no avail on account of how Luffy was already long gone.
"WOO H-Acksplt!" I started to cheer before I ate a spray of sand to the face. Son of a bitch, was nothing actually fun in reality!?
Thankfully, within several minutes of the mad dash starting, it ended with Luffy coming to a halt in the shade. I had no idea how a bit of shadow could change things so much, but somehow it did.
Luffy apparently agreed with me, if the way he fell to the ground and rolled about contentedly was anything to go by. "Shaaaade! Oh wow, this feels sooo good!"
"Tell me about it..." I wheezed out as I worked the sand out of my everywhere.
"Ahh, I think I'm gonna stay here- hm? AGH! CROSS! LOOK AT ALL THESE BIRDS!"
"Huh?" I cracked my eyes open and took in the half-dozen haggard birds splayed across the sand. "Oh, yeah, would you look at that?"
"I gotta get Chopper, maybe he can save them!"
"Or, or!" I cut in hastily. "You can get Sanji instead, and we can enjoy a very delicious meal of roast poultry. Tell me, what sounds more appealing to you?"
Luffy was silent for a moment as he contemplated things before grinning eagerly, drool trailing from the corner of his mouth. "Good thinking, Cross!"
"That's why I'm the tactician!" I nodded confidently before pointing back the way we came. "Now, go and get everyone else! I'll stay here and keep an eye on our dinner!"
"Got it!" Luffy whooped before dashing off into the dunes. "HEY, GUYS!"
I watched him silently for a moment before turning my attention to the birds who, to their credit, were maintaining their prone positions, albeit with a bit more sweat.
I gave them a half-lidded stare as I ran my tongue over my lips. "Run or fry, bitches. What do you choose?"
The birds started twitching ever so slightly as they shot minute glances at each other. One of them twitched a wing towards me.
I snapped my baton out to full length and slammed it into the wood of the sled. "Try it, I dare you."
The birds instantly froze, visibly debating what to do. Finally, as the sound of crunching sand reached us, they came to a decision: their lives were more valuable than their score. Thus, they shot to their talons with panicked squawks and hightailed it the heck out of there.
"YEAH, you'd better run!" Soundbite hollered after them.
"Mister Jeremiah, are you alright?" Vivi gasped as she and the rest of the crew reached us.
"Heh, don't worry, I'm fine!" I waved at her happily. "Those herons were total wimps, they didn't even try and fight!"
"Thank god..." Vivi sighed gratefully. "They must have been too used to running their scams to pull anything else."
"Wait, those were those Bandit Birds you mentioned!?" Luffy demanded incredulously before growling viciously. "Which way did they go!?"
"Luffy-" Nami started to sigh wearily.
"They went thattaway!" I grinned as I pointed out into the desert.
"RAAAAAAGH!" Luffy roared, darting off in the direction I indicated.
"WHAT THE HELL, JACKASS!?" Nami and Sanji snarled as they simultaneously slapped the back of my head.
"Okay, first off, OW! Watch it!" I winced as I rubbed the back of my head. "And second, just wait a second, alright? Luffy'll be back soon enough, and he'll be bringing company too!"
"Oh really? What kind of company?" Zoro said, cocking a curious eyebrow.
"Hey, here he comes now!" Chopper called out as he pointed out at the dunes. He then squinted curiously. "And... something's chasing him?"
"GROOOOORGH!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Nami and Usopp chorused incredulously.
"He's also bringing a hyper-chivalrous camel with him!" I shot at them before grinning impishly as I poked Vivi's shoulder. "And as for you, you forgot they-"
"I forgot they hunt in pairs..." Vivi groaned in exasperation as she kneaded the bridge of her nose.
Sanji puffed out a weary cloud of smoke before starting to march towards Luffy. "Alright you guys, you hang tight, I'll help Luffy."
The cook got all of three feet before Zoro strode ahead of him. "Forget it, crap cook. The last one almost crushed you like an insect. I'll handle it."
Zoro didn't even get one foot before he was forced to wheel around and stop Sanji from caving his head in. "Blow it out your ass, you shitty marimo! The last one had you almost halfway down its throat!"
"Love bastard!"
"SHIT SWORDSMAN!"
"SWIRL BROW!"
"Should we tell them that Luffy already killed it?" Chopper asked me quietly.
"Eh, they'll figure it out sooner or later," I shrugged indifferently... before frowning in concern. "At least... I think they'll figure it out..."
As it turned out, it took Luffy ramming the duo's skulls together in his impatience to cook the meat to break them up.
While we waited for the king-lizard's carcass to fry, I took the opportunity to knock some sand out of my clothes. While my desert-camo jacket was doing a counterintuitively good job of keeping me cool (how covering up more is supposed to keep a person cool, I have no idea, but damn if it wasn't doing a decent job) it had the downside of catching a lot of grit in its seams. I was especially not enjoying the amount of sand I was catching in my unprotected face.
"Hey, Vivi," I called to the princess. "Do you have anything to help with..." I gestured towards my face. "This?"
"AIN'T NUTHIN' that can FIX THAT!"
I adopted a carefully neutral expression and help up a finger. "One moment please." I grabbed the water barrel and proceeded to give it a thorough shaking.
"WAaAaAaAaAaAGH!" Soundbite hollered miserably until I stopped. "Uuuuurgh... At the risk of repeating myself, SPIN cycle SUCKS!"
"Damn straight it does," I chuckled to myself before looking back at Vivi. "So anyways...?"
"Huh-wha?" Vivi started as she drew her... bemused, amused or horrified eyes, I couldn't tell which, from the barrel. "Ah, right, right, your face. Hmm, let's see..." She started digging through the pack she was carrying. "No, no... Oh, here, how's this?" She withdrew a circle of cloth and held it out to me. "It's a facemask I picked up in Nanohana. I got in case of sand... storms..." Vivi trailed off uncomfortably as the rest of the crew minus Sanji joined me in glaring at her viciously before she rallied with a huff. "Oh, like none of you have ever forgotten anything important!?"
"You forgot six things!" Usopp shot back. "Six very dangerous things that could have killed us!"
"I- you- ergh!" Vivi stammered uncomfortably for a moment before huffing and tossing the facemask at me. "Just try the damn thing on already!"
I snickered at her blushing expression before slipping the mask over my mouth. It was a bit warm, to be sure, but it was better than a concentrated mineral diet, that was for sure. I started to nod at Vivi, but froze as a... a feeling swept over me. "Why do I have the sudden urge to wear an eyepatch, read smut in public and be three hours late to every appointment I make?" I muttered to myself.
"What was that?" Zoro grunted.
"Ah, nothing, nothing!" I hastily waved him off in embarrassment before turning to Usopp. "Hey, do you have any goggles I can use or...?"
"Sure thing, here you go!" the sniper replied, carelessly throwing the headgear at me.
I caught the goggles and contemplated them for a moment, holding one of the lenses up to my eye as I examined the desert... before hastily jerking it away with a wince. "Okay, let me be more specific: any goggles without magnifying lenses that'll fry my eyes?"
"Ack! Aheh... sorry?" Usopp chuckled sheepishly as he swapped the goggles out. I hummed contemplatively as I checked out the lens before nodding and slipping them on, putting my hood up alongside them.
"These'll do perfectly! I look a bit like a Middle Eastern freedom fighter, but... yeah, I think it'll work! And one 'akbar' out of you and I'm literally leaving you out to dry," I shot at Soundbite.
"KILLJOY!"
"Okay everyone, dinner's served!" Sanji spoke up.
I made to get up and head to the where the food was, but was halted by two hands grabbing me.
"Hey, Cross, do you have a-?"/"Cross, I need to speak to-" Chopper and Nami cut themselves off as they realized they were talking at the same time.
"Sorry Nami, but this is-"/"Chopper, this isn't really the-" The pair interrupted themselves again, though this time with a bit of a frown.
"Look, Nami-!"/"Chopper, I swear to-!"
"Okay, while I appreciate a good Abbott and Costello routine as much as the next guy-" I interrupted them with a chuckle.
"Who's on first? Who? YES," Soundbite cackled.
"-or snail, it seems like you both want to talk with me about something important, so how about this?" I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder. "We go get some meat, we eat, and then I'll talk to you guys by seniority. And that means Nami first," I cut them off as they started to speak. "Got it?"
The two mulled things over for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Got it."
I grinned and clapped my hands successfully. "Perfect! Now, let's go and eat us some apex predator meat!"
As it turned out, rock-griddled Sandora Dragon tasted like chicken. Seriously. Still delicious, despite the cognitive dissonance of a ten-feet-plus reptile tasting like chicken.
In any case, I was glad I was mostly finished when Luffy started bugging the camel, because said camel proceeded to spit all over him and the spray hit the last of my meat.
My eye twitched slightly as I stared at my plate before handing it off to Soundbite, who I'd fished out of his barrel and who didn't have anything even close to a gag reflex. Or good taste, for that matter. "Well, that's the end of my appetite," I sighed in disgust.
"I'm sorry, but this hooligan was getting on my nerves. I'll try not to do it again," Eyelashes sniffed in a haughty, if high-pitched and reedy, voice.
I frowned as I mulled things over. For some reason, the camel's voice sounded a bit off. Like the tone and the words didn't quite match. Why did I feel like that voice would be more at place saying something more... racy... more daring... something like-
I froze as realization struck me dead on. I slowly turned my horrified eyes on Eyelashes. "Heeey," I started slowly. "Could you do me a quick favor please? Could you say the words 'Death to America' for me?"
Eyelashes gave me a bemused look. "What on the Grand Line is an 'America'? Also, do we have any lettuce?" He turned his head towards Sanji. "Meat is all well and good, you take what you can in the desert, but I would keel for something green right now!"
My eye twitched furiously for a moment before I slapped a hand to my face. "Close enough..." I growled out before slowly turning a venomous gaze on Soundbite, who was snickering eagerly. "Okay, two things," I stated. "First, I refuse to so much as address the fact that you're giving the camel the voice of Achmed the dead freaking Terrorist."
"BAHAHAHOOHOOHOOHEEHEEHEE!"
"And second!" I plowed on impatiently. "Now that I think about it, how the hell do you keep those voices up anyways!? Your voice is cut-and-paste!"
Soundbite blinked in surprise before shrugging indifferently, insomuch as a snail can shrug. "It's easy for me to keep the voices normal because I can talk like you guys. I just choose not to," he explained in a voice much like a newscaster's.
I jumped in shock as Soundbite spoke clearer than I'd ever heard him speak in the whole time I'd known him. "I- wh- seriously!? Then what the hell is with the crazy-ass chorus!?" I narrowed my eyes at him accusingly. "Are you just showing off or something?"
"No no no, not at all!" Soundbite hastily denied. "It's just, well, you see..." He bowed his head contemplatively for a moment before looking up. "Alright, look, it's like this: everyone and everything has a voice when they speak, even animals. When I give a species a voice, it's not me being stereotypical-"
"Bullshit," I flatly interrupted.
Soundbite had enough decency in his shell to chuckle self-consciously. "Okay, so it's somewhat for the hell of it. But really, I choose voices based on whether or not they fit, based on whether or not they're right. Basically, the voices I choose are those beings' voices. And, well, my voice... MY VOICE IS ALL OF THE voices, period. MAKE SENSE?"
I hummed contemplatively as I mulled things over before nodding. "I... suppose it does, in a manner of speaking. In the end, I guess it's your choice and I can't do much about it... though seriously. Achmed?"
"YOU SAYIN' you ain't LAUGHIN'?" Soundbite grinned cheekily.
I was silent for a moment before looking away with a grin. "I am, but I'll feel bad about it later."
"BULLSHIT!"
"Kiss my ass, you little-!"
"Ahem?"
"GAH!" I jumped halfway off my rock in shock before spinning around to the sight of our navigator impatiently tapping her foot in the sand. "Ah, Nami! Have you been waiting long or...?"
Nami rolled her eyes with a huff before jabbing her thumb over her shoulder. "We're setting out again. Come on, we'll walk and talk."
I cocked an eyebrow at her as I stood up and shifted my backpack onto my shoulders. "Fair warning, I don't feel confident about my ability to keep up with a camel."
Nami rolled her eyes with a long-suffering sigh. "I won't be riding Eyelashes until I'm done talking with you, dumbass. He'll just be carrying my share of the supplies."
I shot an acrid glare at the camel's rump. "Let me guess: he'll only carry yours and none of ours, huh?"
"I care only for the fine ladies, you uncouth ruffian!"
"BLOW IT OUT YOUR HUMP, JACKASS!" I roared at Eyelashes as I stowed Soundbite back in his barrel before smiling at Nami. "Now then- LUFFY DON'T EAT THAT!- shall we?"
And so we set out once again through the hot desert sands. I swear, if this was what deserts were like, then I don't know how anyone lived in Arizona before air conditioning. "So, you wanted to talk?" I wheezed at Nami.
Nami bit her lip hesitantly before nodding in agreement. "Yeah... it's... it's about my weapon. The Clima-Tact."
"It works, if that's what you're worried about," I reassured her. "I realize that it might seem ridiculous, but-!"
"No no, I don't doubt that!" she hastily denied, waving her hands. "Usopp can be a bit of a moron sometimes, sure, but he's creative if nothing else. If anybody can pull it off, it's him. No, it's just..." Nami trailed off uncomfortably for a moment before giving a weary sigh. "I-I'm not confident about being able to use it. I mean, being able to alter the weather a bit sounds like it could be pretty effective, sure, but... well, look at me!" She gestured at herself. "What do you see?"
I eyed her warily for a moment before trying my luck. "A... strong, beautiful, confident woman?"
"That's a HELLUVA WAY to say 'GOLD-DIGGING SKANK'!" Soundbite cackled.
"One moment," I said casually, holding up a finger. Grabbing the barrel again, I gave it another vigorous stirring. "You were saying?"
"I SPEAK THE TRUTH! I WILL NOT BE SILENCED!"
"Aaaanyways..." Nami drawled as she cast a glare at the barrel.
"Hey, not my fault you asked a question there's no good answer to!" I defended hastily.
"The point I was trying to make..." Nami ground out to herself before looking away with a slightly forlorn expression. "Is that... I'm a lot of things, Cross, but I'm not a fighter. I can't go onto the front line like Luffy or Zoro, I... I can't make that much of a difference…"
"Oh, bullshit!" I snapped. "Look at me! Look at Usopp, for Christ's sake! Yes, Luffy or Zoro could snap us over their knees like a dry twig, but can you look me in the eyes and tell me we haven't contributed to the battles up to this point?"
Nami gave me a flat look. "Back on Little Garden, that brat Goldenweek used me to almost kill you and Vivi, and you were just a glorified distraction the whole time Luffy was fighting Wapol in Drum Island!"
I raised a finger... then slowly lowered it with a pained grimace. "You... make an accurate point, I'll give you that..."
Nami sighed wearily as she looked ahead, staring pointedly at Vivi's back. "The point is... I just don't want to be a burden on everyone. Especially not with what's coming. That's why you got your armor, that's why I got the Clima-Tact, and that's why Usopp's been making all these new gadgets and weapons. And they're all well and good but... well, the fact is that I don't know if I have the skills for it. The ability."
I chewed my lip contemplatively as I mused on that before shrugging as I came up with what I hoped was a good answer. "Are you sure you don't?"
Nami looked at me in surprise. "What are you talking about?"
"Well..." I hedged uncomfortably. "I'm not one hundred percent on this, because the story never went in-depth on it-"
"What was the name of that story, anyways?" Nami questioned, grimacing as a thought struck her. "It wasn't something like 'Luffy's Grand Adventure' or something, was it?"
"WRYYYY!"
"Evil immortal vampires are no joke, Soundbite," I deadpanned. "And no, it was named 'One Piece'."
"Better than I was afraid of..." Nami muttered with a weary roll of her eyes.
"Anyways, the story didn't really expand on things, but, well, from what I saw when you were still using it, you do have some skill with staff weapons, no?"
"It's, uh, called bojutsu..." Nami scratched the back of her neck uncomfortably. "I learned it so that I could defend myself when I was out... 'working'. I have some skill in it, sure, but-!"
"But nothing!" I cut in. "Some skill means that you're better than me at it, and that's something in and of itself. I'm sure that so long as you practice with it and improve yourself, you'll be even better. You don't need to be a master of the staff, just adept enough to defend yourself, no?"
"I..." Nami looked down thoughtfully. "I think so?"
"And furthermore, while you might not like it, that 'work' you were doing gave you some useful skills as well.
"Huh!?" Nami demanded incredulously.
"Well..." I uncomfortably rolled my hand. "What I mean is that while the lifestyle was anything but pleasant, you can't deny that you were good at it. And that would have had to leave you with some usable skills, no?"
I winced as Nami pinned me with a dark glare. "What skills could I possibly have gained from those years?"
I hastily held my hands up defensively. "Look, I - and please note that I am really trying not to put my foot in my mouth here or presume anything - I realize that those were some hard times, hell really, but you can't deny that you were a phenomenal thief. Or, at the very least, a well-above-average one, and that kind of a profession requires you to learn a very specific, very useful skillset. I realize it might be uncomfortable for you to dredge up and utilize these skills, but they would be exactly what you're looking for!"
Nami was uncomfortably silent for a moment before speaking. "Name five skills that would be useful."
"Umm... alright, let's see..." I started counting down on my fingers. "Lockpicking, pickpocketing, acting, stealth, probably some acrobatics assuming you ever decided to enter through the windows or anything like that, probably some observational skills to analyze marks and locations, deception abilities, though that may fold into acting... Eh... that's all I can think of."
"Seduction?" Soundbite queried faux-innocently.
"No!"/"Only sometimes!"
I snapped a bewildered look at Nami, who was blushing vividly. "Ah, well, that is to say..." She looked away nervously.
I coughed uncomfortably as I averted my gaze. "Okay, right, so I might have underestimated just how bad things were and I apologize for that. Still, do you get what I'm trying to say?"
There was a moment of silence until Nami spoke again. "Yeah... yeah, I understand. Sorry about the third degree, I suppose I can't really come to you for advice and then just jump down your throat when you give it."
"Hey, it's fine, it's fine," I waved her off. "You went through hell and I dragged it up, you had every right to get mad."
"Well... if you say so. But really, Cross?" She put her hand on my shoulder, prompting me to look back at her and the kind smile she was giving me. "Thanks a lot. You're a good friend and I appreciate it."
I smiled back and nodded. "Any time, Nami, any time."
Say what you will about One Piece being a hell of a world in every sense of the phrase, but damn if it wasn't nice to have some good friends along the way.
"Well!" I said, dusting my hands off contentedly. "Now that that's settled, where's Chopper?"
"Sleepin' with the FAIRY SEAKINGS by the sounds of it!"
"E-excuse me?!" Nami scoffed incredulously.
"He means that Chopper's K.O. from the heat again..." I groaned wearily. "Well, looks like I'll just have to wait until the sun goes down and he wakes up again."
"Alright then," Nami nodded before pausing as a thought struck her. "Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you: how much longer until we reach Yuba?"
"Eh..." I wracked my mind. "Small details like this are the hardest to remember, but ah... I... think it was after sunset? Yeah, it was night, after sunset."
Nami nodded slowly before freezing and giving me a flat look. "So... he'll probably wake up around the same time that Vivi will be ripping your entrails out, is that about right?"
I started to nod before freeing as well as realization swept over me. "Urk. Ah... pray for me?"
Nami put on a show of thinking intently. "Weeeell, you did lie to her and essentially stomp over her wish for a conflict-free resolution..."
"That was always a pipe dream before I said anything and you know it!" I hissed frantically.
Nami grinned cattily in what was both a chilling yet kindly manner. "You'll be in my thoughts," she purred before pursing her lips and whistling. "Ooh Eyelashes!" In a blur of brown, the camel galloped up next to us and swept Nami up so that she was seated behind Vivi before galloping back ahead.
"BURN IN HELL, BITCH!" I roared after her.
"I SPIT IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION, ROGUE! PTOOIE!"
I winced as a glob of saliva splattered against my face before cracking my eye open. I then proceeded to smirk confidently. "GOGGLES, JACKASS! WHAT DO YOU SAY TO TH-!?"
SPLAT!
I froze again, this time on account of my thoughts being split equally between three lines of thought: 'Damn he's good with his tail', 'Oh god it's in my mouth', and-
"HURK!"
"HOOHOOHOOHAHAHAHEEHEEHEE! TALK SHIT GET HIT! LITERALLY!"
At that moment, I had to seriously weigh some pros and cons. On the one hand, dying of dehydration on account of our water being contaminated. On the other, giving Soundbite an equal taste of the shit he himself was spraying was sounding more and more enticing to me by the moment.
Thankfully for all of us, a third option was presented to me at the last moment.
"Hey, Cross, what's on your face? Is that chocolate? Do you have choc-!"
SPLAT!
"Ooh, tha- ACKPBHT! THAT'S NOT CHOCOLATE!"
-o-
After several very, very grueling hours of marching, the sun had finally gone down, allowing the moon to rise and illuminate the suddenly freezing desert.
The cold was a nice reprieve from the heat, but it didn't change the fact that it was just swapping out one temperature extreme for another. Robert Frost could go screw himself, fire and ice both sucked in equal measure. Still, if this climate did anything, it proved just how truly dedicated Vivi was to save her nation: only someone well and truly enamored with it would be able to live their whole lives in this crucible and come out still wanting to save it.
At least there was one upside to the cold: Chopper finally managed came around from his heat-coma and was trotting alongside us in his Walk Point. I'd been waiting for him to talk with me of his own accord, on account of how the way he kept glancing at me indicated he wanted to talk with me about something, but he was apparently too skittish to initiate the conversation.
Finally, after a few more hours of marching, he managed to gather the courage to match my pace. "Uh, Cross?" he mumbled hesitantly. "Can we talk now? I-I really want your help..."
I smiled kindly at the reindeer. "Yeah, sure thing, Chopper. Tell me what's on your mind."
The human-reindeer opened his mouth to speak... then tilted his head to the side curiously. "Uh... is it just me or is the ground shaking?"
I blinked in confusion for a moment as I processed the statement before paling as I noticed the fact that the wind was carrying a lot of sand with it. "Uh oh..." I breathed nervously.
"What, what's wrong?" Chopper asked.
Before I could answer, Vivi did so in my place. "SANDSTORM! YUBA'S BEING HIT BY A SANDSTORM!"
And indeed it was. Holy shit, it was really something. I mean, I'd seen water funnels and vortexes before on the Grand Line, Nami being the only reason that we hadn't been smashed to pieces, but those had all been water for the most part. Seeing a storm of sand and wind of such a magnitude was another thing entirely! And Crocodile had been hammering Yuba with these things for how long now!?
I didn't know what had me more impressed: Toto's sheer determination in the face of adversity or Crocodile's ability to overcompensate!
I shuddered uncomfortably as I spied the city that was being actively sanded off the face of Alabasta. As horrible as the situation was already, Yuba heralded something even worse for me.
"Chopper, I will gladly talk with you and help you with whatever you need later..." I swallowed nervously. "But only if you'll agree to do something for me in return."
Chopper shot me a confused look. "What's that?"
I grit my teeth as the crew started to run towards Yuba, forcing me to match their pace. "Pray for me."
A few hours of jogging later, we reached the edge of Yuba. The sight that met us was... disheartening, to say the least. The worst part of it was... I could see how it had once been a great city. It was an old place, a dignified and noble one... but it was hurt. It was decrepit, abandoned... even if it wasn't actively rotting, then at the least it was dying. And it was not pretty to watch.
And Toto was probably even worse off. He was old, dirty, frail... but damn if he didn't have an air of strength to him. He wasn't just some old sack of skin and bones. He was... tough. Leathery. He was worn down, sure, but it was more a sign of experience then actual injury. And that... that was something I could appreciate.
What I didn't appreciate was what he said when we asked him about the Rebels, though that wasn't all that fair on account of how it was more the final nail than the actual coffin.
"Those fools have left Yuba."
I winced in guilt as the words pierced through me, hitting me dead on. I turned away from the rest of the crew and bowed my head, refusing to meet anyone's eyes even as I felt their gazes on me. Not accusatory, per se, just... questioning. Curious.
All save one.
"Cross."
I out and out flinched as Vivi's voice cracked over me like a whip. I slowly raised my eyes to meet her gaze, and, well... it was a once in a lifetime experience.
Vivi was furious. Not peeved, not annoyed, not even outraged. Furious. If Vivi's passion for defending Alabasta was like the kingdom's sun, then this side of her was like it's moon; cold, vicious... lethal. I just felt... so puny. It was hard to tell what was making me feel worse: Vivi's royal presence... or the fact that I was her friend and that I'd lied to her.
"Vivi-" I started hesitantly-
SLAP!
Before cutting myself off with a wince. It was at the same time the least yet most painful slap I'd ever received in my life.
"I don't want to hear it," she hissed softly. "Now you listen to me: we are going to stay here tonight, we are going to go to Katorea tomorrow, we are going to stop this rebellion, and then I never want to see you again. Do I make myself clear?"
I nodded solemnly. "Yes, Vi-"
"That's Princess Nefertari Vivi of Alabasta to you, Mister Jeremiah," she spat viciously before wheeling around and marching towards the buildings.
I watched her go in shame and silence. After all, after all I'd done... what could I possibly say that wouldn't make things worse?
Silence reigned as we all watched Vivi leave, nobody quite sure what to make of recent events.
Finally, I looked to Toto. "Do you have any other shovels?" I asked him quietly.
The old man jumped in shock. "Ah, y-yes, over there..." he said, pointing at a nearby shed. "But why-?"
"Everyone, go and get some sleep," I interrupted as I started to walk towards the shed. "I... don't feel like sleeping at the moment. I'll just... work until I get tired."
"Cross..." Nami started softly
"Just... get some sleep," I sighed heavily, unslinging the water barrel from my shoulder and handing it to her, Soundbite and all. "Tomorrow's going to be a long day."
Nami stared at me in silence for a moment before nodding solemnly and following Vivi.
I refused to meet anyone's eyes as I continued walking forwards, and none of them said anything as I went. However, as I was passing by Zoro, he placed his hand on my shoulder. I froze, waiting for him to say whatever he had to say... but he just gave a firm pat and moved on.
The next time I was stopped was when Luffy caught my elbow, prompting me to look up and meet his gaze. I didn't say anything, but I did shake my head ever so slightly. Luffy frowned unhappily, but sighed and followed everyone else nonetheless.
With that over and done with, I wordlessly retrieved the shovel, dug it into the sand next to Toto's pit and got to work.
I dug for... I'm not even really sure how long, to be honest. Hours, most likely. I wasn't really paying attention to anything else. I didn't want to think about anything else. All I thought about was, well... digging. Deeper and deeper, foot by foot, the sand slowly but steadily piling up around me as I dug myself deeper for the second time that day.
In all honesty, I didn't really 'stop' digging. I just suddenly... woke up leaning against the wall of my hole, being shaken awake by someone calling my name.
"-kid. Hey, kid, wake up! Are you alright?" Toto asked me.
"Mrgh..." I groaned tiredly as I shook my head in an effort to wake myself, a bit of the post-wakeup fugue still clouding my thoughts. "What... what time is it?"
"It's still night, if that's what you're asking," Toto huffed. "My god, kid, you worked yourself straight to sleep! I know I might be a stubborn old man, but not even I'm that bull-headed!"
"Mmn..." I mumbled slightly in agreement. "Yeah yeah, I'm dedicated like that." I looked around blearily. "Now where's that shovel?"
"I have it right here." Toto held it up before me, but yanked it out of my reach when I tried to take hold of it. "But I'm not letting you use it until you get some rest."
I affixed a tired glare on the old man. "This from the coot who's been digging all night alongside me, as well as through several sandstorms?"
"Wait until you're my age, then you can be as hypocritically stubborn as you want to be," Toto sniffed before doubling over, clutching his joints with a groan. "Around the time your joints start aching, I'd say..."
I let out a furious growl as I actively reminded myself that unlike the rest of the crew, I couldn't slap Toto upside his head for fear of giving him a concussion. "Just give me the shovel, damn it, I need to keep working."
Toto immediately righted himself and shoved the shovel's head into the sand with a glare. "No, I need to keep working. You just want to keep working. There's a marked difference!"
"What the hell are you talking about!?" I demanded, my fatigue most likely putting more heat into my voice than I intended.
Toto crossed his arms and gave me the kind of glare only a well-experienced elder could give. "I need to keep working, so that I can draw the life and water back out of Yuba's earth. You want to keep working for the sole sake of not having to confront what happened between you and Princess Vivi, and I won't let you poison Yuba's water with your misguided misery. Am I clear?"
I opened my mouth to say something... but in the end I heaved a weary sigh, collapsing on my ass as I leaned my back against the wall of the pit. "Crystal, sir..." I moaned miserably.
"Good! Now then..." Toto crossed his arms and sat down across from me, giving me a searching look. "Why don't you tell me just what it is that's got you down, hm?"
I gave the old man a weary look. "I was slapped by Vi-" I winced self-consciously. "Princess Nefertari Vivi, why do you think I'm down?"
Toto snorted. "What I think is that there are a lot of details about this situation I don't understand, period!"
I stared at him impassively, not saying anything.
"Well, if you're not going to tell me, I'm gonna have to start guessing." The old man hummed thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "Are you a suitor?"
My expression became as flat as a plate. "Thank you, no. I'd rather live long and prosper than commit suicide by Kohza."
"HA!" Toto barked uproariously. "I don't know how you know my son, but that does sound like the likely outcome, doesn't it?" He shot a cheeky smirk at me. "Now then, shall I continue guessing or-?"
"Alright, alright, I'll tell you!" I snapped. And so I told him the whole story: lying to Vivi about Yuba and Katorea, how talking down the rebels wouldn't actually solve anything, my firm belief that only by clobbering Crocodile (not that I actually named him) could the rebellion be ended, and how much of an utter heel I felt for doing so.
Toto's eyes widened in shock as he listened to me before bowing his head with a solemn hum. "Well now... that sounds quite serious indeed."
"Deadly," I confirmed morosely.
"If you ask me, it sounds like you didn't have much of a choice in the matter," Toto summarized matter-of-factly.
"What I chose doesn't matter," I emphasized firmly. "What does matter is that Vivi is the closest thing to a saint we'll ever see in our lifetimes, and more importantly, she was my friend- and I had to lie to her. What matters is that I've probably made her hate me, and that... that's worse than anything I can imagine."
And then Toto did the absolute last thing I expected: he threw his head back and laughed.
"W-What's so funny?" I stammered in confusion.
"Boy…" he wheezed, clutching his gut. "That might just be the funniest thing I've heard in years." He held up a hand to stop the indignant reply just on my lips. "First of all, Princess Vivi doesn't have a hateful bone in her body, so you don't need to worry about that."
"But... s-she slapped me… and-"
"Oh, yes, I've only seen her that angry once before," Toto replied, staring fondly up into the sky. "Kohza had stolen her favorite doll, a recent birthday gift from her father, for whatever childish reason he had at the time and had hidden it somewhere. Try as she might, Vivi couldn't get him to tell her where he hid it. At least, until she got mad and then he folded like wet paper." The old man chuckled, lost in his memories. "And you know what? Once she got it back she calmed down and went right back to being his best friend."
"I… think this is kind of on a different scale," I deadpanned. "I essentially threatened her kingdom. Her people. That's as bad a berserk button for her as debating justice is for most marines."
"Bah, you'll see," Toto scoffed dismissively. "I know that girl, give her a day or two to cool off and things'll be back to normal, especially if what you've told me is the truth. As for the other matter…" He turned around and rapped me on the forehead before I could react.
"Ow! What was that for?!" I demanded, rubbing my forehead.
"For being silly," Toto harrumphed. "You're putting entirely too much stock in one lie. Don't make a habit of it, and your friendships will be just fine even with the occasional lie. Now, you get out of this hole. I need to get back to work."
And with that, he shoved me up and out with surprising strength. I didn't protest; I had a feeling he'd break that shovel over my head if he needed to. Still, though his words had helped, I couldn't shake the rock in the pit of my stomach. He didn't know about the massive lie I'd told the crew for weeks, the one about my origins. After this one, coming so soon on the heels of that one… how could they ever trust SAND-IN-MY-FACE-GAH!
"Ack! Phpht!" I hacked and spit miserably as I tried to clear the grains from my face. "What the he-!?"
"Oh, hey Cross!"
"Luffy!?" I blinked at my captain in shock, trying to process the fact that he was in a hole next to my own. "W-what the hell- how long have you been digging there!?"
Luffy shrugged indifferently. "The whole time. Oh, and I'm not alone either!"
I started to ask what Luffy meant... when I was interrupted by a pink top hat poking up and over the lip of the hole.
"H-hey Cross," Chopper smiled weakly as he waved at me.
"Ah, hey, Chopper..." I waved back uncomfortably.
"So, Cross... are you... free to talk now, or...?" Chopper scratched the back of his head with a sheepish grin.
I worked my jaw wordlessly for a moment... before settling on a smile and extending a hand to the Zoan user. "Yeah... yeah, I'm free."
Chopper smiled back from ear to ear as he took my hand and hauled himself out. "Thanks! It's not anything too important, I just, well, need some help is all."
I nodded in agreement and waved for him to follow me. "Sure thing, Chopper. Come on, walk and talk."
Chopper trotted to keep up with me. "Well, I've been thinking about how to use your advice. You know, on manipulating my Devil Fruit? Well... I've been having some trouble with it. I mean..." He shrugged helplessly. "My powers are rigid enough as is due to me being a Zoan, and in my opinion my particular Fruit is even worse than usual on account of how it doesn't give me much to work with. I'd appreciate any suggestions you have to share with me."
I hummed as I contemplated his statement. "That's true enough, yes..." I nodded in agreement before holding up a finger. "But you underestimate just what your powers have to offer. As I've already stated, you've exploited your powers quite a bit with the invention of the Rumble Ball. I believe, without giving away too much and thus pissing off Luffy, that there might be a way for you to push what you've already done even further."
"Really!?" Chopper asked eagerly. "What is it?"
"Well..." I scratched my chin thoughtfully, mentally thanking the great resources of TVTropes all the while. "Have you ever heard of something called 'biofeedback'?"
-o-
The next morning, we all gathered in the town square as we prepared to say our goodbyes to Toto. The old man was quite chipper as he saw us off; I could practically see the satisfaction bursting out of him as he handed Luffy the small barrel of water he'd managed to extract from the sand.
"I'm sorry there isn't any more of it, but it's still genuine Yuba water either way. I assure you that it will do you much good," he said, outright beaming.
"Don't worry, old man! I'll keep a close hold of it and drink it really slowly, I promise!" Luffy assured him as he eagerly grabbed the barrel.
"Make sure you're really careful with that water, Luffy," I promptly warned him. "That water's more important than any of us can imagine."
Luffy blinked in surprise before nodding firmly. "You got it."
I chanced a glance over my shoulder at Vivi, and was rewarded with her looking away with a scowl. I winced and bowed my head guiltily, but was prompted to look up by a hand on my shoulder.
Toto gave me a reassuring look. "The princess might be as stubborn as she is kind, but she can't deny her own nature. She'll forgive you, son. Just give it time."
I pursed my lips sadly for a moment, but I nodded solemnly nonetheless. I then held a hand out to him. "You're a good man, Toto. I can't thank you enough."
Toto snorted as he grabbed my hand and gave it a strong shake. "Protect Princess Vivi and save this kingdom. That will be thanks enough."
I nodded confidently. "I promise."
And with that, we were off into the desert, braving the heat and sand once again. We got pretty far, a mile, maybe two, until we were well out of sight of Yuba. Vivi was leading our party, while the rest of us trailed behind her. Hence, nobody immediately noticed when Luffy suddenly stopped dead in his tracks, and Zoro, Nami and I imitated him.
Nami gave the captain a wary look. "Is everything alright, Luffy?"
Luffy was... silent, uncharacteristically so. For the longest time, he just stood there. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was thinking. Finally, Luffy turned his head and shot an unreadable look at me. "Where is he?" he asked calmly.
"Rainbase, a city to the north of Yuba. He runs a local casino as though it were his castle," I promptly answered.
Luffy turned his expectant gaze on Nami.
The navigator pursed her lips uncomfortably for a moment, but she ultimately subsided with a heavy sigh. "That way," she pointed dutifully.
And with that, Luffy started marching singlemindedly in the direction indicated, with Zoro following behind him.
Nami hesitated as she watched the pair march off, glancing at the rest of the crew. "Shouldn't we...?"
I shrugged indifferently. "They'll notice sooner or later. For now, captain's orders." And with that, I followed the crew's top two officers, and moments later I heard Nami doing the same.
We didn't get far, however, when the sound of someone chasing after us broke the desert's silence.
"Mister Jeremiah ! What do you think you're-!" Vivi began as she trotted Eyelashes in front of us before I interrupted her.
"Captain's orders. Talk to Luffy."
I felt a brief twinge of guilt for passing the buck like that; a twinge that died a quick death as I watched Vivi slide off of Eyelashes and stomp up to Luffy. I would weather Vivi's wrath in my own time, make no mistake, but first I was going to let the tide break on Luffy's head. Sorry, Captain, but better you than me!
"Luffy, where are you going!? The Sandora River is this way, to the east! We need to cross it if we want to reach Katorea!" Vivi pressed him.
"Yeah, but I'm going north," Luffy blandly informed her.
"W-what?!" Vivi sputtered incredulously. "North!? Why would you want to go north!?"
Luffy shrugged. "'Cause that's where Rainbase is."
It took Vivi all of ten seconds to process that statement, mouthing the words to herself before she spun around and shot a searing hot glare at me.
Nami was quick to step in front of me. "Don't get mad at Cross, Vivi, Luffy asked him. He had to tell him."
Vivi continued to stare daggers at me a moment longer before directing her rage back at Luffy, grabbing his sleeve and forcing him to a halt. "Luffy, I already told you, we don't need to fight Crocodile! If I can get to Katorea, I can talk to Kohza and-!"
"Vivi," Luffy interrupted her, tilting his head and giving her a flat look. "That's dumb."
"E-excuse me!?" Vivi squawked incredulously. In all honesty, though, hers was the least volatile reaction of the crew.
"HOW DARE YOU, YOU SHITTY-!?" Sanji shrieked as he started to march towards Luffy, until I managed to grab his collar and haul him back.
"This needs to be said, Sanji," I told him, doing my best to stand firm in the face of his rage. Thankfully, Nami had my back.
"Leave him alone, Sanji..." she muttered half-heartedly, more focused on the shitshow unfolding before us.
"What are you talking about, Luffy!?" Vivi demanded.
"Vivi, I know that I haven't been in this country long, and I don't know a lot, but I do know this: stopping the rebels won't stop Crocodile even a bit. Going to Katorea won't do a thing," the rubber-man explained in blandly, as if talking about the weather or his next meal after three weeks at sea.
Trust me, not even Luffy gets excited about lime juice, salt beef, and hardtack. Damn near gave me a heart attack the first time he didn't react like a maniac to Sanji calling us in for dinner, but there you have it.
Anyway, silence reigned over the crew as they processed Luffy's words.
"Uhh..." came Usopp's intelligent response.
"Wow..." Chopper breathed.
"EVEN A DUMBASS can have a point!" Soundbite provided.
"I-I..." Vivi stammered uncomfortably.
"You actually think that we can stop the rebels without anyone dying? That nobody, us or your people, are going to get hurt?"
Vivi twitched furiously, obviously fighting against herself.
"We're going up against one of the Warlords of the Sea, and half your kingdom is ready to kill itself. You really think that everyone's going to come out of this alive?" Luffy stared at Vivi for a moment before sighing and bowing his head. "That's dumb, Vivi."
Nami herself visibly reacted to the statement, but I hastily grabbed her shoulder and shook my head.
"What's so wrong with not wanting anyone to die, huh!?" Vivi demanded, her voice shaking with emotion. "What's the problem with wanting everyone to come out of this alive!?"
I could see that Luffy was ready to answer Vivi's question, but in all honesty I just couldn't stay quiet on this.
"It's beyond unrealistic," I stated flatly, with just a hint of anger. "And from someone in your position, it's downright dangerous."
Vivi spun on her heel and grabbed my collar, obviously inches away from slapping the shit out of me. Again. "Don't you dare say that, don't you dare! I am trying to prevent a bloodbath! What's wrong with that!?"
"The goal isn't the problem, it's the method!" I shot back, voice rising. "You're sick of me holding things back, you want me to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Here it is: you're shaping up to be a piss-poor ruler!"
THWACK!
"Gugh!" I wheezed, folding around the fist Vivi had just buried in my gut.
"SHUT THE HELL UP!" she shrieked viciously.
I took a moment to suck some air back into my lungs before tilting my head to direct a glare at her. "You want to know why you'll be a sucky ruler? Because you're too focused on benevolence as the end-all, be-all of rulership!"
"GRAH!"
Vivi tackled me to the sand, trying to slip her hands around my throat.
"I-it helps, sure," I snarled as I grabbed her wrists and fought to keep her off me. "But at the end of the day, people don't follow benevolence, don't bow to it! They bow to authority, and as you are you wouldn't command any! Because you know what the Crocodiles of the world see when you aren't willing to sacrifice anybody besides yourself?"
I wrenched myself upwards, bringing my face closer and looking her dead in the eye. "They see opportunity. The opportunity for a whole country. And if you think your life is anywhere near valuable enough to make them give that up, then you're not just being unrealistic, you're being stupid! Delusional even!"
"S-SHUT UP!" Vivi snarled as she struggled to wrench herself away from me, but I instead flipped us around and pinned her into the sand.
"Wanting to save as many lives as possible is a noble intention for most people, but that's not one that's open to you!" I hissed. "You're a ruler, Vivi, nobility! Every decision you make, every single one, will be a gamble! And every single time, you'll be gambling with people's lives! Your job isn't to save as many lives as possible, it's to make sure that the least amount of people possible die, and that their deaths mean something!"
"THAT'S-!" Vivi struggled in my grip, though her motions were starting to slow down. "T-that's not true..."
"That-!" I started to growl before taking a deep breath. "That's bullshit, Vivi. That's bullshit and you know it. You're a smart girl, Vivi, you've lived with your dad long enough to learn that fact, and your time with Baroque Works should have hammered it home. It's noble that you want don't want things to be like that, above and beyond the norm even... but you just don't have that luxury."
I let go of Vivi's arms and stood off of her, allowing her to flip onto her back and stare up at me.
"If you want to get anywhere in life, Vivi, then you need to be willing to risk something. To risk everything. Even..." I clenched my fists. "Even us."
A shudder ran through Vivi's body, but it wasn't from anger. "I-I..."
"Vivi..." Luffy said, angling his hat upward. "We're your friends."
"B-but..." Vivi hiccuped, shaking her head furiously. "I-I... I can't ask that-!"
"You don't have to ask, we're doing it anyways," Zoro snorted.
Usopp shuddered heavily for a moment before he sucked it up and shot a thumbs up at her. "The Great Captain Usopp fears no man! Or reptile for that matter!"
I pointedly chose to avoid mentioning his choice of self-address. Or the fact that he was still shaking like a leaf, for that matter.
Chopper started to glance towards everyone else, but promptly caught himself. Instead, he crossed his arms, looked Vivi dead in the eye and nodded firmly. "I'm in all the way!"
Vivi's head was on a swivel as she looked between us all, her mouth open as she tried and failed to force something out.
Sanji took a tug from his cigarette before flicking it into the sand and stomping it out with his heel. "I would delve into the depths of hell for any woman. For you, my love, I intend to conquer them."
Eyelashes hesitated for a bare moment... until I rammed my elbow into the base of his throat. "Ack-pbht-you-I-I-I mean what the blond cook said!"
"ALL FOR ONE, ALL FOR ALL!" Soundbite roared.
Vivi was actively shaking now, tears brimming in her eyes. "B-but... but..."
Nami knelt down next to the princess and clutched her shoulders. "Vivi. We know that there's every chance of us dying. We know that we could die. And we're willing to take those chances, we choose to take them..." She wrapped Vivi up in a fierce hug. "Because you're our friend, and because there's sure to be an absolute shitton of money in Crocodile's casino we can loot."
I chopped my hand down on top of Nami's head with a deadpan glare. "No, bad girl, down."
"I will snap you over my knee Cross, I swear to-!"
Nami's death threats were cut off by a sob tearing its way out of Vivi's throat, followed by the princess grabbing onto Nami for dear life and burying her tear-stained face in the navigator's shoulder.
Nami shot a final glare at me before patting Vivi's back and comforting her.
"T-thank you..." Vivi sobbed. "Thank you... all of you... thank you so much..."
"Oh my love-!" Sanji started to spin himself into a hurricane of love... until Zoro slapped the back of his head. "Hey, what the hell-!?"
"Ahem," Zoro grunted as he jabbed his thumb towards me.
Vivi sniffed heavily for a moment as she glanced up at Zoro before jerking in realization. "Huh-? A-Ah! R-right, right..." She looked at me tearfully. "I-I... Cross... I'm so sorry. Everything I said..."
I cut her off with a raised hand. "Save it, for two reasons. First and foremost, I more than earned that smackdown I got in Yuba and I'm man enough to admit it. And second..."
I held my hand out to her and pulled her to her feet. "This isn't the time or the place for waterworks. You can tell me how much you're sorry later. For now..." I grinned viciously and jabbed my finger due north. "What do you say we start the process of straight up slapping the smug out of Crocodile?"
Vivi hiccuped for a moment longer. Then she steeled her back, wiped the tears and snot off of her face, and gave me a shaky grin.
"Okay!"
