Chapter 18

I huffed and wheezed miserably as I mounted the sands of the dune. So hot…so high…so…thirsty…just a few more feet…a few…more…

With a moan of relief, I mounted the peak of the dune and spread my arms in relief. "I..." I groaned eagerly, "am Cross of Alaba—!"

NOM!

"YEOWCH!" I yelped, digging my hands beneath my hood and trying to grab ahold of Soundbite. "WHAT THE HELL, YOU LITTLE PEST!?"

"YOU WERE TALKING CRAZY!"

"Can you blame me?!" I demanded. "It's hot, it's dry, and there's been nothing but sand, sand, and more sand for six hours! At this point, I'll sing freaking showtunes if it means seeing a freaking rock, just to break the monotony!"

"Quit bellyaching and walk, Cross, or you're gonna be looking at sand for that much longer," Zoro grunted as he trudged past me. It was at least gratifying to see his red, sweaty face and uncomfortable grimace.

"And just for the record," Vivi noted as she walked past, looking disgustingly unbothered by the, to reiterate, hot hot heat. "You're not anything of Alabasta. At least, not if I have anything to say about it."

"I thought we were past this!" I demanded as I forced myself to keep walking.

"I might understand, but I'm still mad!"

"Tch, airhead…"

"Would you mind speaking a little louder, please? I couldn't hear you over your raging—!"

"Quiet, you two, don't make me pull this caravan over…" Nami muttered blearily.

"Yes, mom…" Vivi and I sighed.

"Ugh, my blisters have blisters…" Usopp groaned behind us.

"I think I might be getting used to the heat," Chopper panted from where he was strapped to Eyelashes' hump. He attempted to sit up, before slumping back down with a groan. "As a doctor, I can confirm that this is not even remotely healthy…"

"Well, look on the bright side: we don't have to worry about the food rotting anymore," Sanji calmly informed us.

"Really? How come?" Luffy asked curiously.

"BECAUSE YOU JUST ATE THE LAST OF IT, JACKASS!"

THWACK!

"ACK!"

I raised my hand to my forehead and shaded my eyes, looking upwards and whistling in awe as I watched Luffy fly by. "Good arc, impressive velocity…I give it a nine out of ten."

Vivi cocked her eyebrow as we all watched Luffy reach the peak of his trajectory. "And why not a full ten?"

"Eh, it all depends on his distance. If he lands on the other side of the next dune—"

WHUMP!

Luffy impacted the dune and went through the very top, kicking up a huge cloud of sand and dust.

"Eh…" I waved my hand side-to-side. "Not bad, not bad, but he did hit the top, so... nine-point-five?"

Everyone else clapped politely, to which Sanji responded with a bow. "Thank you, thank you. You're too kind, really."

"Hey, guys!" Luffy shouted as he ran up the top of the dune, waving his hand. "I just saw green!"

"Luffy, what did we tell you about eating the cacti?"

"They're not that bad!"

"YOU TRIED TO EAT CHOPPER, WHEN YOU WEREN'T SLEEP-EATING!"

"Do I need to prepare the sedative again?" Chopper groaned.

"No, really, guys, I didn't hallucinate this! And it wasn't a mystery mira—!"

"I will break you, Luffy," Nami intoned darkly.

"Let's just get this over with," Zoro sighed, brushing past us and trudging up to the top of the dune. We all watched, confused, as he froze, then whooped—whooped!—and ran back towards us.

"Guys, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Luffy's right!" he informed us, grinning like a loon. "There is green. I think we've found Rainbase." He frowned at the expressions on our faces. "What's up with you guys?"

"I have seen the face of evil…" Vivi whispered in terror, before pausing as she reconsidered. "Again."

"W-Who are you and what have you done with Zoro?" Usopp stammered.

"What do you mean?! I'm me!" he barked indignantly.

"Lies! Zoro does not smile unless it's to promise death to his prey!" I hissed fearfully.

"Or unless there's booze involved," Usopp added.

"OR unless he gets one over on SANJI or NAMI or CROSS," Soundbite contributed.

"We'd better check to be sure: who is the second greatest traveller alive?" Sanji asked, grinning.

"THAT ONLY APPLIES TO THE SNAIL-BRAT, SHIT-COOK!" Zoro roared furiously.

"It's him," we chorused flatly. Everyone's eyes then widened in realization as the facts finally processed.

"WATER!" Luffy and Usopp whooped as they ran to the top of the dune, the rest of us close on their heels.

Indeed, there on the horizon lay a large, sprawling city. One might assume that the oasis we beheld was a paradise, a safe haven from the heat and the dangers of the desert. And it was, at least in the sense that it was a relief from the heat of the desert. However, the crocodile-topped pyramid that crowned the cityscape soundly disabused us of any notion of safety.

"Rainbase at last…" I sighed thankfully, before hauling my pack off of my shoulders and pulling out my armor.

"We're he~ere…" Soundbite sang, his tone somewhere between gleeful and ominous.

"IT'S TIME TO KICK CROCODILE'S ASS!" Luffy roared at the top of his lungs.

"AFTER WE GET SOME WATER!" Usopp bellowed at the same volume.

"AGREED!" Luffy concurred.

"Do you two think you could tone it down a bit?" Zoro huffed. He sighed as the rest of us gave him flat looks, Chopper even going so far as to lean up and stare at the swordsman. "Withdrawn."

Vivi frowned as she scrutinized the golden crocodile overlooking the city. "Crocodile…" she muttered despondently.

I made to walk over to her, but thought better of it. I doubted I was a particularly comforting figure for her, and besides, I was busy kneeling over as I slid my armor onto my leg. I glanced meaningfully at Nami. The navigator took the hint and promptly slid off of Eyelashes before putting a hand on the Princess' shoulder and giving her a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, Vivi. We're going to help you fix everything, and there won't be any more surprises along the way. Right, Cross?" she added dangerously. I raised my hands in surrender as Vivi looked at me.

"I promise, I promise. I won't hold anything back that could help anymore," I said, then froze as a thought came to my mind, remembering how Vivi greeted Crocodile in Rain Dinners.

"Actually, I should tell you—"

"HEY, CROSS! YOU HAVE ANY MONEY ON YOU?!"

I jumped as Luffy shouted an inch from my ear, and glared at him.

"Yes, Luffy, I'm a member of this crew and thus I generally have a considerable amount of money on me at any given time," I drawled flatly, twisting my wrist and latching my gauntlet in place. "I'm sorry, have you been sailing with some other crew thus far!?"

"Huh?" Luffy blinked in confusion. "No, I've been sailing with you guys. Are you stupid or something?"

I slapped my currently unarmored hand to my face with a growl. "I'm starting to ask myself that question every day…" I muttered under my breath.

"What took you so long?" Nami deadpanned as she accepted three metal tubes from Usopp.

"I like to think of myself as an optimist…" I sighed before eyeing her disassembled staff. "So, you ready to use that thing?"

Nami frowned uncomfortably as she balanced the rods in her hand before nodding firmly. "As ready as I'll ever be. I've read the instruction manual, so assuming that Usopp learned his lesson…" At that, she gave Usopp a menacing glare that he returned in my direction. "Even if I'm not confident enough to take on Crocodile or anything like that—!"

"Yeah, no, you would get eviscerated," I cheerfully informed her. "In ten seconds flat. Eight for monologuing, one to laugh at you, and one to do the actual eviscerating."

"Cross," Sanji cut in with just as much pleasantness as he clapped his hand down on my shoulder. "I don't mind the brutal honesty so much considering who we're fighting against, but if you keep talking about Nami-swan like that, I will break your twig-spine over my knee."

"Duly noted," I nodded calmly. "In all seriousness, though, anyone lower than Mr. 2, you should be able to take down, so take confidence in your abilities. Back in the story, the person you fought—"

"CROSS!"

"Ahem…" I coughed nervously as I tugged at my collar. "Well, let's just say that as things are now, you are going to bounce her skull off the sand, and leave it at that."

Nami considered for a moment before smiling and nodding, visibly encouraged. I frowned as I thought about the others' battles: Sanji would wipe the floor with Bon Clay, and Chopper and Usopp had upgraded their weapons and skills, and honestly, Usopp could use the character development either way…

I looked back at the first mate.

"I won't spoil too much, Zoro, but I'd recommend that you start reflecting on some of your sensei's lessons that you don't understand yet. He was…" I thought things over for a moment before paling in realization. "Yeah, he was way stronger than you'd expect from someone in the East Blue, because suffice to say, that sword was not blunt."

"Crooooossssss!" Luffy whined, interrupting me. "Are you done talking yet? I wanna get water!"

"Yeah, come on, let's go!" Usopp concurred.

"Uh, okay okay okay, one second..." I furiously wracked my mind for any other bits of advice. "Alright, don't fight Miss All Sunday, if she sees you, you're already dead. Well, maybe not you, Luffy, but you've gotta fight Crocodile, so don't let her distract you from that—"

"REALITY IS AN ILLUSION, the planet is a mirage, buy gold, LET'S GO ALREADY!" Soundbite barked.

"Huh?" I blinked in confusion…before clenching my eyes shut with a groan as I felt a hand grab the back of my coat. "Oh, for the love of…" I snapped my goggles down over my eyes. "Here we go ag—AUGH!"

"WAAAATEEEEER!" Luffy howled as he made a mad dash for Rainbase, dragging me along behind him, Usopp running alongside us and somehow managing to keep pace while everyone else (camel included) scrambled to catch up.

Within a minute, we'd lost sight of the rest of the crew in the dust cloud that two of the crew's three stooges were kicking up.

Within two, Luffy and Usopp were in the city, making a beeline for the nearest bar.

Within three, they'd kicked down the bar's door and were asking for water with all the table manners of the Dadan family, their asses parked on the first seats they saw.

Which just so happened to be right next to Captain Smoker and Officer Tashigi. Credit where it was due, my crewmates always somehow knew how to be at the right place at the right time for maximum shenanigans. And that, in and of itself, was twenty different shades of impressive.

I took a moment to dust myself off before sitting myself down between my friends and our current enemies, shooting a grin at Captain Smoker as I slid my goggles back onto my forehead. "Hello again, Smokey. Fancy seeing one of the only decent Marine officers in the East Blue here! I don't suppose I could borrow that jutte for a second, could I? I'd like to dopeslap my captain and actually have it stick for once."

Tashigi blinked at me in confusion. "Wait, aren't you—?"

"Cross," Smoker interrupted, giving me a decidedly unimpressed look. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't crack your skull open right here, right now."

"How about two?" I grinned, holding my fingers up. "A, I'm guessing that you have questions about basically everything that's been going on thus far. And B?" I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder with a flat look. "If I move an inch, these two dumbasses will spray you with their backwash, and nobody here wants that, do we?"

"I DO I DO I DO!" Soundbite piped up eagerly, causing Smoker to glare in the snail's general direction and Tashigi to jump in shock.

"Sorry, I meant nobody who isn't a natural-born jackass," I corrected.

"D-Did that snail just—!?" Tashigi started to stammer.

"Devil Fruit," Smoker and I deadpanned.

The officer blinked in surprise before nodding slowly. "Uh…U-Understood, sir."

Smoker turned his attention back to me, apparently weighing his options. Then he blew out a perfect smoke ring as he sighed.

"…You're about as fast a talker as that snail of yours, Cross," he grumbled, prompting grins from both Soundbite and me.

"Ask away, Smokey," I said cheerfully.

"C-Captain!" Tashigi jerked in shock. "This is against—!"

"Tashigi."

The officer stiffened fearfully as Smoker pinned her to her stool with a flinty glare.

"It's so hot that I'm sweating blood, my coat is carrying around half my weight in sand, and for all that Alabasta's culture is rich and vibrant, these people can't roll a cigar worth shit," Smoker snarled viciously. "In short, I am prepared to meet every last one of Cross's accusations against the Navy so long as it means getting the hell off this island." He leaned in close. "Is. That. Clear."

Tashigi paled more than should have been possible anywhere in this country during the daytime as she nodded frantically and snapped up a salute. "C-C-Crystal, sir!"

I grinned cheekily and chuckled as I watched the exchange. "I'm glad to see I'm not the only one with this opinion. Vivi might be my friend, but this kingdom is a place only a mostly pure-hearted princess who's lived her whole life here could love."

Smoker turned his glare back at me. "Let's make that my first question: how are you and Crocodile involved with this kingdom?"

I made a show of being perfectly relaxed as I glanced at the barkeep and tapped on the countertop. "'Scuse me, my good man, can I get some water for my friends here?" Smoker literally began to fume as the bartender nodded and I looked back at him.

"Now, then!" I clapped and nodded firmly. "Let's start with the basics: the rebellion. The reason everything went to hell so fast in this kingdom is that the criminal organization you're tracking down here, Baroque Works, has been actively inciting unrest amongst the populace. If they have their way, they'll butcher this nation from gut to gizzard. As you can imagine, that's something Vivi wants to stop at all costs."

Smoker cocked an eyebrow at me. "And how does Crocodile figure into this mess?"

I snorted darkly. "Crocodile's the founder and leader of Baroque Works. He's the root cause of this madness, and if he has his way, everyone on this sandy rock will tear themselves to pieces."

"What!?" Tashigi jerked in shock. "You can't possibly be serious! Crocodile is a Warlord of the Sea, they—!"

"Of the current lineup of Warlords, only Jinbe and Hancock can be defined as even close to being decent sapient beings," I deadpanned. "The rest are all varying levels of dicks, with Kuma and Mihawk being on the fence. Trust me: with the World Government's hiring tendencies, this is perfectly par for the course. Hell, compared to Doflamingo, Crocodile's operation is tame."

I felt my blood surge as the countertop splintered under Smoker's grip. It had been awhile since I'd been in the fun kind of danger! Damn, I'd missed this rush.

The Captain gnawed on his cigars for a moment before speaking. "That's one hell of a claim. I trust you have some way of backing it up."

I smirked and gave the man a shrug. "That's the easy part: We're on our way to Rain Dinners to confront the bastard right now. You come with us, chances are that he'll monologue to you guys too before trying to kill us all. What do you say, Captain? You in?"

The smoke-man remained silent for a moment as he stared at me, before looking away with a snort. "Tempting, but you're still a criminal and I came here for a reason: To throw you and your crewmates in prison. First I'll deal with you, and then I'll deal with Crocodile."

I spread my arms with a sigh. "Fair enough, fair enough. Though, of course, I do hope you realize that we will be running like hell, right?"

"Tsk…" Smoker snorted derisively as he signaled Tashigi, prompting her to stand up and grip Shigure's hilt. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you lowlife scum. Any last requests?"

I considered the statement for a moment before grinning cheekily. "Yeaaaah, I've got one…" I leaned back slightly and cracked my back. "Can we have a head start?"

Tashigi face-faulted, Soundbite began cackling, and Smoker narrowed his eyes as he grabbed the hilt of his jutte. "Not on your life, brat."

"I'm eigh—!" I started to belt out before sighing in defeat. "Oh, screw it, with any luck that'll change sooner or later. Anyways, I expected that. For now, though, let me remind you of one of the basic characteristics of a pirate…" I allowed myself a grin as I caught sight of the bartender coming up to us with two barrel-esque mugs of water. "We cheat."

Just as Tashigi started to close in on me, now glaring daggers behind her glasses, the bartender set said mugs on the counter. The second the mugs hit the wood, I leaned back on my stool and elbowed Luffy, drawing his attention. With my body no longer obscuring my crewmates' views, the two sprayed two barrels' worth of water in the Marines' faces, granting me the opportunity to add to their distraction by grabbing the fresh mugs and repurposing them as hats, though they seemed to be a size or ten too big judging by the way they completely engulfed their heads.

"HAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHOOHOOHOO!" Soundbite cackled, tears streaming out of his eyes.

"BOOK IT!" I roared as I bolted out of the bar, Luffy and Usopp hot on my tail.

"YOU COULDN'T HAVE WARNED US ABOUT THEM SOONER!?" Usopp snarled incredulously.

"And ruin the surprise? Are you nuts?" I shot back at him in mock incredulity.

"What the heck are the Marines doing here anyways!?" Luffy questioned in a panic.

"Smoker's a hard-assed paragon of justice who managed to catch wind of Baroque Works, it'd be more of a surprise if he wasn't here! Now, if you'll excuse me for a second, I need to make a call." I slid my headphones over my ear, Soundbite promptly connecting me to the rest of the crew. "Heads up, guys, negotiations with Smoker have gone down the toilet. He's right on our tails!"

"GET BACK HERE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!"

I cursed under my breath and accelerated my pace as Tashigi screamed after us, a scream accompanied by a myriad of stomping feet and cries of encouragement. "OK, correction, all the Marines in Rainbase are on our tail! Still, good news for you, Zoro: Tashigi's more focused on taking my head then yours!"

"What the hell did you do, dumbass!?" Nami screamed through the connection.

"I…might have had Luffy and Usopp spray them with several gallons of water," I hedged. "Oh, and I also dumped a couple of mugs over their heads."

"…do you even know the definition of the word 'negotiation'!?"

"Did you honestly expect anything else from us?" I immediately shot back.

"He's got a point," Zoro commented.

Strangled sounds of rage filtered through the connection.

"Alright, enough!" Vivi interrupted. "Cross, where are you now!?"

"Umm…" I trailed off as I searched the streets for any indications…before blinking in surprise as we rounded a corner. "Huh, actually we're right here! Hey, guys!" I waved at our suddenly panicked crewmates.

"DON'T LEAD THEM RIGHT TO US, JACKASSES!" Nami shrieked viciously.

"Damn it! Come on, we need to run!" Zoro snarled.

"And you should probably hide your face unless you want Tashigi to rip it off!" I commented.

"Wait, Tony's not back yet!" Vivi interjected hastily.

"Yeah, but we don't have the time to find him!" Zoro snapped, grabbing Vivi by the arm and taking off running. "He's smart, he'll know to lay low. Now, come on!"

"Hey, wait!" Nami spoke up hastily. "Vivi, you're royalty! Can't you just order them to leave us alone or something!?"

"Not if we want to stay undercover, I can't!"

I grimaced as I noticed a few 'random' bystanders glancing at pictures they were holding. "Yeah, no, we are way past being incognito! And besides that, Smoker's a practitioner of what I like to call 'cowboy justice'. Suffice to say that nothing short of the word of God can get him off our asses, and even then I have some serious doubts!"

"So, what do we do now, then?" Sanji asked.

"Now we go kick Crocodile's ass! Where do we find him, Vivi?" Luffy asked eagerly.

Soundbite gave our captain a look. "ARE YOU BLIND or flat-out STUPID!?"

"Yes," Nami and I deadpanned together.

"It's the big building with the golden crocodile on it, Luffy!" Vivi spoke up, pointing out Rain Dinners. "It's his casino! He runs Baroque Works from it!"

"And what do we do about the Marines trying to arrest us!?" Usopp squawked in a panic.

"Psh, they're not—oh holy shit there's a lot of them!" Seriously, I'd seen angry mobs that were smaller. And less pissed off.

"If I had to guess, I'd say we split up?" Sanji said to me.

"Correctamundo!"

"Sounds like a good idea," Zoro nodded in agreement. "Cross, do you think you can keep Tashigi away from me?"

"She's not Kuina, and you're only pissing her off more by not fighting her, man! Also, wouldn't Kuina herself be kicking your ass for acting like a little bitch about this?"

"Just do it already! First mate's orders!"

"Alright, alright, fine, I'll do it, eesh!" I growled, rolling my eyes. "Alright, now I just need to figure out how I'm going to get her—"

"AND NOW, for a limited time only, AS REQUESTED BY JEREMIAH CROSS!" Soundbite roared loud enough for the whole street to hear. "CHASE MUSIC!" And with that, the air was filled with a far too familiar beat. A slightly twangy set of synth chords, accompanied by some sort of percussion. Cymbals, perhaps?

Then I heard the first lyrics, and I felt the blood drain from my face.

"'Animal print pants out of control'?" I repeated in numb shock. "Oh, don't tell me—"

"I'm sexy and I know it!"

I groaned and let my face fall into my palm. "Well, if she didn't want to kill me before—GYERK!" I squawked in panic as Nami grabbed my collar and forced us face-to-face.

"She's not the only one!" she snarled viciously.

"BLAME THE SNAIL! BLAME THE SNAIL!" I hastily squawked.

"Punch Cross later, Nami!" Luffy laughed. "For now, let's go! We'll meet back up—!" He threw his arms out and launched himself up towards the rooftop. "AT THE CASINO! HEY, SMOKEY! COME AND GET ME!"

"YOU'RE MINE, KID!" Smoker roared as he blew up after him.

"Come on, Cross, this way!" Nami barked, indicating me to follow her and Sanji while Usopp, Vivi, and Zoro took off in another direction.

"So, do you think you managed to get that beautiful officer to follow us?" Sanji cooed eagerly.

I opened my mouth to respond…

"AFTER THEM!"

And promptly gulped nervously as a furious voice shrieked after us. "That's a yes. If there's one thing Tashigi hates more than someone using a sword for evil, it's someone insulting her womanhood!"

"Oh, yeah, speaking of that!" Nami growled viciously at me.

"Ah—IDEA!" I squawked hastily. "How about I split up from you guys so that I can draw her away, while you all run for the hills and Sanji doesn't get his ass kicked because he won't defend himself?"

Nami blinked in shock before frowning in concern. "You're sure you'll be fine?"

"Eh…" I tilted my hand side-to-side. "I think so? Worse comes to worst, I'll just have Soundbite empty their innards something fierce. Have fun in Rain Dinners! Oh!" I snapped my fingers in realization. "And if worst comes to, well, even worst yet, enforce your executive authority so that Luffy doesn't pull something braindead."

"Of course…" Nami groaned, rolling her eyes.

Coming up on an intersection, I spun around and ran backwards, waving at Tashigi as I did so. "HEY, TASHIGI, LIKE THE MUSIC? I PICKED IT SPECIFICALLY WITH YOU IN MIND!"

More than a few veins bulged on the officer's forehead as she wrenched Shigure from its sheath. "I WILL CASTRATE YOU, YOU FUCKING PIG!"

"YOU'LL HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!" I spun around and turned towards the right. "Good luck, you guys!"

"You too!" they concurred as they split left.

I shouldered my way through the relatively crowded streets of Rainbase, dodging around civilians and doing my best to stay the hell away from any shifty figures who were leering at me with a little too much viciousness, Soundbite's soundtrack blaring all the while.

"Any idea how many are coming after us?" I panted hastily.

"Ehh..." Soundbite took a moment to concentrate. "Going by all the heartbeats, I'D SAY TWENTY, TWENTY-FIVE…PLUS THE SWORD-BITCH!"

"Hey, show her some—!"

BANG!

"GAH!" I yelped, ducking as a bullet whizzed right past my ear. "Son of a—!"

"OH, and they've got guns."

"Thanks for the heads-up!" I spat. "And as I was saying, knock it off with the sexist crap! She might be our enemy, but she still deserves some respect."

"YEAH, WELL—GAH!" Soundbite jerked his head into his shell as another bullet nearly turned him into sticky paste. "THE WOMAN YOU'RE RESPECTING wants your nads on a platter! AND SHE'LL HAVE THEM unless you fucking RUN!"

"Right, right…" I ground out as I looked around fretfully. Come on, come on, there had to be some way out of this. Years of videogaming, don't fail me now!

Suddenly, I managed to catch sight of an open window coming up ahead of me. OK, to be specific, Assassin's Creed III, don't fail me now!

"Hold on!" I hissed out as I turned towards the window. "Pardon me!" I barked as I vaulted over the windowsill, darting through the home's halls and ignoring the shrieks of the house's inhabitants as I made my way past them. I left the house as swiftly as I went into it, shouldering open a door and dashing out into an alleyway.

"Think I lost them?" I asked.

"Split up and surround this block! Cover every entrance and exit and scour the alleys! DO NOT LET HIM ESCAPE!" Soundbite relayed in Tashigi's infuriated voice.

"Didn't think so," I cursed under my breath. "Alright, start throwing up false trails, give me a way out of here!"

Soundbite clenched his eyes shut and concentrated for a second before growling unhappily. "Too many to guarantee ANYTHING! THINK YOU CAN handle one IN A PINCH?"

I scowled as I snapped my baton to full length. "Looks like I'll have to. Do it."

And just like that, the air was filled with the sounds of running coming from every direction, as well as my own voice flinging taunts and jabs from a multitude of corners and alleyways. Soundbite indicated a direction with his eyestalks, apparently too busy with his—

"Drop the damn music and concentrate!" I hissed at him. "Or at least keep it out of my headphones! I don't know what's giving me more of a headache, the beat or the lyrics!"

"AHEH! Sorry!" Soundbite chuckled sheepishly as he discontinued the connection to my headphones, so that I only felt the music in my bones as opposed to directly inside my head. "Catchy, though! Oh, and take a right!"

"Got it!" I nodded as I complied.

It wasn't exactly easy going. I had to sneak through a number of alleyways, and all too often I had a too-close call on account of Marines passing in different directions. Still, at least I was making some progress. Hopefully I'd be able to get out of here soon enough and find some way of rendezvousing with Sanji and Chopper…on second thought, preferably Chopper. At least he wouldn't fold like a leaf in front of Tashigi.

"Heads up, company up ahead! ONE BOGEY INCOMING"

Yeah, that figured.

I felt myself break out in a cold sweat as I realized that I was in an alleyway with the only way out being a turn to the right up ahead. I made to turn around—

"NO! TOO MANY! She's starting to coordinate, ignoring my false leads! You need to go through!"

Oooof course I did.

"Alright…" I muttered to myself as I started to creep towards the corner, making sure to press myself against the wall. "How fast is he coming?"

"Slow, methodical."

"Perfect…" I stood with my back to the wall at the very edge of the corner, tense and ready to go. "Once he's at the corner, tell me. I'll suckerpunch him, then you hit him with the subsonics. Ready?"

"As I'll ever be…" Soundbite muttered to himself.

"Then let's do this," I nodded in agreement. The seconds ticked by at a crawl. I could feel every beat of my heart, every bead of sweat on my forehead.

Finally…

"Now!"

I swung out from around the corner and took a moment to identify just where the startled Marine was before spinning on my heel, ramming my elbow into the poor bastard's face with as much of my momentum as I could put into it. It was a credit to the soldier's will that all he did was stumble and curse as he clutched his nose, as opposed to just flat-out collapsing.

Still, if the way he doubled over and started to dry-heave was anything to go by, not even Marine fortitude could withstand having Soundbite play the rendition of Chopsticks from hell directly on their eardrums.

I capitalized on the soldier's distraction by grabbing the brim of his hat and using it as leverage in order to slam his face down into my knee. I finished by snapping my baton down across the back of his head, causing him to collapse and leaving me holding his hat.

"FATALITY!" Soundbite boomed.

"Oh, shit, please no…" I cursed as I dropped to my knee and felt around his neck. "Please, please…"

I promptly sagged in relief as I felt that tell-tale heartbeat. "Oh, thank God…" I sighed. I patted his shoulder as I stood back up and gave him a slight salute. "Thank you for your services."

"CROSS!"

I clenched my eyes shut with a hiss. "Oooof course…"

"Of course, of course, you twit," Soundbite drawled.

"Not now!" I hissed before slowly turning around, finding myself face-to-face with Tashigi and several dozen troops beside. "…I don't suppose you'd believe it was self-defense, would you?"

The dozen rifles that were suddenly cocked and pointed my way were answer enough.

"Fair enough…" I tensed slightly as I prepared to run, but before I did I decided to ask one question. "Let me just ask you this."

I slipped the cap I was holding over my head. "How does it look? Really, I want your honest opinion: hat? No hat?"

BANG BANG BANG!

"ACK!" I ducked and dodged as bullets whizzed by me, hastily bolting down the alley away from them all. "TAKING THAT AS A MAYBE!"

As I ran down the alleyway, bullets whizzing by me, I made a silent resolution: no more Mister Nice Guy.

And honestly, that was as much my creeping exhaustion as anything else. I still wasn't fully recovered from that damn desert trek.

"Soundbite…" I panted. "Where's the nearest concentration of civilians?"

"I've got AN EVEN BETTER idea!" Soundbite replied, grinning. "TAKE THE NEXT RIGHT. I'LL LAY SOME TRAILS and wire you the sound."

I didn't respond, too busy panting, but I did turn right. I heard the Marines charge past and then turn left, followed shortly by the squawking of a large number of chickens.

"Good idea, Soundbite…" I panted, before grabbing the small canteen I was carrying and taking a swig of water. Warm, and somewhat salty, but it was water. "OK. That's probably not going to distract them for long, so we need to keep throwing false trails like this. Which means you need to be on high alert for anything unpleasant to send them after, okay?"

"Aye-aye, cap'n!"

"There he is!"

I bit back a curse and ran the other direction as a Marine pointed at me from the other end of the alley. Luckily he didn't have a gun, or I'd have likely ended up perforated.

And as I rounded the corner, I caught sight of a pile of discarded refuse and had myself an idea.

"Slight change of plans, Soundbite," I said, stowing the snail in my jacket before slipping said jacket off and tossing it into the pile, followed by me slipping my goggles over my eyes and bringing my facemask over my mouth. "Turn off the music for a sec, swap my voice for the voice of one Sergeant Hartman, and be quiet."

"The hell are you—! Ooooh…YOU'RE GOING BAVARIAN, EH?"

"That's the plan…" I nodded slowly as I dug an old but passable coat from the refuse and draped it over myself. I then unclasped the armor from my arms, and hid it alongside my jacket, along with my headphones. Here's hoping these guys didn't think to look down.

"Alright…now!"

Within moments of me saying the words, a trio of Marines rounded the corner, weapons at the ready.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, MARINES?!" I immediately shouted in a foreign voice without so much as a hello.

"What the—!?" The lead soldier jumped in shock before he hastily tried to rally. "Who are you?"

"WHO AM I? WHO AM I!?" I scoffed, jabbing my thumb at my cap. "ARE YOU BLIND AS WELL AS RETARDED, MAGGOT?! I AM A MARINE, SHITSTAIN! I WOULD SAY I WAS A MARINE LIKE YOU, BUT HONESTLY, IF I WERE EVEN HALF THAT PATHETIC, I WOULD HAVE KILLED MYSELF AGES AGO SO AS TO DO THE WORLD A MERCY! AND YOU HAVEN'T ANSWERED MY QUESTION, SO I'M GOING TO ASK AGAIN: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU SACKS OF SHIT?! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CHASING THE PIRATE!"

"Wh—th-that's what we were doing!" the soldier defended incredulously. "He came down this way!"

"ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THAT STREET-RAT THAT JUST PASSED ME!?" I spat incredulously. "GOOD GOD MAN, YOU MUST BE A SPECIAL KIND OF RETARDED, BECAUSE ONLY A GENUINELY GIFTED NUMBSKULL COULD HAVE MISTAKEN THAT BRAT FOR A PIRATE!"

"I—what—no! Th-That's not possible, I was certain that I saw that Transponder Snail of his on his shoulder!" the Marine denied.

"WELL LA-DI-DA, YOU WERE CERTAIN, WERE YOU!?" I barked out. "ARE YOU CERTAIN YOU SAW IT, COMPLETELY BEYOND EACH AND EVERY DOUBT!?"

"Ah…uh…" The Marine stumbled as he and his compatriots exchanged hesitant looks. "I, uh, I thought—!"

"WELL, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM RIGHT THERE, SHITSTAIN!" I roared clear into his face as I jabbed his chest. "YOU THOUGHT! YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO THINK, MAGGOT, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW ORDERS AND FIGHT AND DIE FOR THE WORLD GOVERNMENT, NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS, IS THAT CLEAR YOU PATHETIC PIECES OF AFTERBIRTH!?"

"SIR, YES SIR!" the Marines barked, snapping into uniform salutes instantaneously.

"GOOD GOD, YOU BASTARDS ACTUALLY HAVE HALF A BRAIN BETWEEN THE LOT OF YOU! IT'S A MIRACLE! NOW!" I jabbed my finger out behind me. "AS YOU IGNORAMI HAVE NO DOUBT FORGOTTEN, WE ARE STILL ON THE TRAIL OF A COLD-BLOODED CRIMINAL! NOW, YOU WILL EITHER CONTINUE THE PURSUIT IN A TIMELY MANNER, OR I WILL HAVE YOU HOLYSTONING THE DECKS UNTIL YOU MOVE UP IN RANK, AND BELIEVE YOU ME, THAT DAY WILL NOT COME WHILE I AM STILL ALIVE, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR, MAGGOTS!?"

"SIR, YES SIR!"

"THEN MOVE YOUR ASSES BEFORE I CUT THEM OFF AND HANG THEM OVER MY MANTLEPIECE! MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

The Marines promptly moved, running down the alleyway as fast as their legs could carry them. Within seconds, they turned a corner and were out of sight.

I kept my back straight and my chest puffed out imperiously for a moment longer…

"They're gone!"

Before letting myself slump forward with a sigh of relief.

"Oh-thank-you-baby-Jesus-that-was-way-too-close…" I slid the old coat off my shoulders and put my own back on along with my headphones, followed by me refastening my armor. "Well, at least that worked. I guess that working on the stage was a good class after all!"

"You learned DRAMA?" Soundbite asked me incredulously.

"Eh…" I shrugged as I pulled him out and put him on my shoulder. "Stagework, and it was just the one play, but I got the gist. Besides, overacting is easier than regular acting. In all honesty, I'd say I did good!"

I froze as the sound of metal sliding against metal rang out.

"I think you could use a few more lessons."

I cast a sidelong glare at a panicked Soundbite before slowly raising my arms over my head. "Yeah, that would be how this turns out, wouldn't it?" I slowly turned around and eyed Officer Tashigi, who had Shigure pointed at my face, and the half-dozen Marines accompanying her, all of whom had their guns trained on me. "For the record, Soundbite chose the music, and I only said what I did to get your attention. I respect you, your womanhood, and your ability to totally gut me like a fish."

Tashigi sniffed darkly, her stance unwavering. "Excuse me if I don't believe the words of a nutcase pirate from a certifiable crew, especially when he's currently at swordpoint."

I grimaced and nodded slowly. "Fair enough, fair enough…" I started to glance towards Soundbite.

Tashigi jerked her sword at Soundbite. "If he makes so much as a peep, I'll make what you did to Petty Officer Cannali seem like an act of kindness."

"EEP!" Soundbite yelped, promptly withdrawing into his shell.

I withheld a curse. Well, that was one avenue of escape burnt. "The Marine I hurt is alright? I checked his pulse, but I obviously couldn't stick around for a more comprehensive check."

"You gave him a concussion, but he'll live. Not that you care," Tashigi growled.

I frowned, and for lack of a better option, decided to try stalling for time; maybe I would be able to call for Sanji or Chopper and one of them would show up…though once again, preferably Chopper, given present company. "You really think that just because I'm a pirate, I don't care about killing a Marine? I guess this is why you're only Smoker's protégé; he knows when to put prejudice aside, but you're still following orders as blindly as those mooks I scared off. And yes, I do mean mooks. Competent, evil, loyal: pick two."

"The Navy is not evil!" Tashigi barked reflexively.

"Call me crazy, but I think that more than a few people on Sabaody might disagree," I drawled.

Tashigi frowned in confusion. "What are you—?"

"Public Employment Security Offices," I spat acridly. "Look it up."

The officer continued to try and read me for a moment longer before sheathing Shigure and glancing at her soldiers. "Put him in cuffs. We'll take him back to base camp and then we'll rendezvous with Captain Smoker at Rain Dinners Casino."

I ground my teeth as I extended my wrists towards the soldiers in question. Well, this was a fine situation I found myself in. With any luck, even if the rest of the crew didn't rescue me before heading out towards Alubarna, Tashigi would be forced to take me along with her when she and the Marines went themselves. From there, well…we'd be in a literal warzone. They wouldn't be able to watch me forever. Baroque Works was a factor, but with any luck things would turn out for the better.

Naturally, right as I thought that, the air was filled with the sound of blaring sirens.

"What the heck!?" I jumped in shock.

"DANGER! DANGER! AWOOGA, AWOOGA! DANGER, WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!" Soundbite shrieked, if not at the top of his lungs then damn near it.

"I told you to silence that snail, Cross!" Tashigi snarled, whipping her hand to her sword's hilt.

"I can't control him, and I didn't tell him to do this!" I shot back frantically. "Soundbite, what's wrong!?"

"SOMETHING'S COMING OUR WAY! IT'S WIPING OUT EVERYONE IT RUNS INTO! IT'S ALL OVER! WE NEED TO RUN, NOW!

"Do you really think I'm going to fall for that old trick? Do you think I'm stupid?" Tashigi snarled at Soundbite.

"Officer, Soundbite is arrogant to hell and back, but he's got some degree of intelligence in him!" I hastily interceded. "Believe me, he's terrified of dying like anyone else, and thus he's scared of you! He wouldn't be risking you running him through for some cockamamie scheme that I sure as hell didn't greenlight! Whatever the hell he's talking about, it's real!"

"As though I would ever trust the word of a pirate!" the Marine spat viciously.

"Now is not the time for your misguided—!"

"OFFICER TASHIGI!"

My words were cut off by a trio of screams coming from the end of the alleyway. A second later, the Marines I'd given the run around shot out like bats from hell, running towards us at full tilt with panic in their eyes.

"OFFICER TASHIGI, WE NEED TO RUN, NOW!" the leading soldier screamed desperately. "WE'RE ALL IN DANGER!"

"What—?" Tashigi started to ask, before cutting herself off as the danger in question followed the Marines.

A wave of…okay, there's no way to put this that sounds wholesome. It was a massive wave of white, viscous-looking liquid, bearing down on us in a flood of halfway biblical proportions.

"HURRY!" the Marine screamed. "YOU NEED TO RUN! RU—!"

That was all he managed to say before the wave overtook him and engulfed him and his compatriots entirely, continuing its uncontrollable cascade towards us without pause.

"RUN, BOY, RUUUUUN!" Soundbite screeched.

"MOVE, DAMN IT!" I screamed, grabbing Tashigi's jacket and dragging her alongside me as I ran to keep the hell away from whatever the hell was coming after us.

And so we ran, pirate and Marines alike. We ran at full tilt, putting our all into staying the hell away from the deluge that was following us. However, our efforts were for naught. No matter how fast we ran, how many turns we took, the flood stayed right on our tails. All-consuming, ever-encroaching…all we could do was run.

And eventually, even that wasn't enough.

"IT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!" Soundbite shrieked in panic. I spared the snail an incredulous, horrified glance for a single second before the truth of his words became clear.

With chilling silence, a second wave gushed around an upcoming corner, crashing against the walls of a building before inevitably coursing towards us.

We all slid to a halt, glancing back and forth in horror as we tried to find some way out.

And just like that, I managed to find one.

I didn't think. I didn't take a moment to consider, I didn't even dare wait.

With a grunt of exertion, I threw my body forwards and tackled Tashigi, forcing us both through the door of a nearby building. The second we landed, I scrambled to my feet and rammed my full weight into the door, slamming it shut.

I'd scarcely allowed myself to breathe easy when I looked up and noticed something just as terrifying as the flood outside, if not far more so.

An open window.

"CLOSE IT CLOSE IT CLOSE IT!" I repeated frantically.

It was a testament to Marine fortitude that Tashigi recovered with remarkable swiftness, all but literally leaping to her feet as she dashed to the window and grabbed the shutters.

The floods of white liquid met just as she slammed them shut.