Chapter 19

For a few moments, the dark room Tashigi and I were in was relatively silent, devoid of all noises apart from our heavy breathing… damn, this situation was just a plethora of double entendres. Now, if only they didn't all have the potential to kill me!

"Holy fuck…" I breathed wearily, sweat coating my face. "What… What the hell was that!?"

"No idea…" Tashigi groaned from where she was leaning against the window. "'Enlist in the Navy,' they said; 'Visit exotic locations!' they said; 'Look at all the shirtless, muscular sailors we have!' they said. I never signed up to be chased by white flash floods in the desert. Do you see any way out of here without instantly drowning in… whatever that stuff is?"

"It's not OUT THERE anymore."

"Huh?" I blinked at Soundbite in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Soundbite shrugged, inasmuch as he could. "A few seconds ago, IT SOUNDED LIKE water OUT THERE. NOW… there's nothing."

"Really?" Tashigi questioned before sighing happily. "Well, that's a relief. For a second there, I was worried about my men. I'm glad they're alright."

The Baby Transponder Snail grimaced miserably. "THEY aren't."

Tashigi fell silent as she processed Soundbite's words. "W-What? But you just said—!"

I grimaced as realization swept over me. "He didn't say that they were alright, Officer," I grimly informed her. "He said that there's nothing outside. Nothing."

Tashigi was still for a moment before shaking her head, slowly at first, but picking up speed until it was outright frantic. "No… no, no, no! Th-That's not true! I don't believe that! They have to be alright, they have to!" The Marine made to jerk back from the window... and only made it a few inches before jerking to a halt. "W-What the—!?" Tashigi jerked in place a few times without success. "M-My hands! I-I can't move my hands!" she squawked in panic.

"Huh!?" I yelped incredulously. "Hang on a sec, let me—!" I made to stand up, but was promptly jerked back as well. "The hell—?" I tried to push myself away from the door as hard as I could, but to no avail. "I'm freaking stuck!"

"Nononono…" Tashigi started repeating desperately, planting a foot on the wall and redoubling her efforts to escape.

I joined her with just as much desperation, planting my limbs on the door and trying to push myself away. Luckily, it seemed that only my back and upper arms were—! I promptly froze for a second before shutting my eyes with a groan. "If I had enough mobility, I'd slap myself…" I muttered acridly.

"Huh?" Soundbite blinked in confusion.

In lieu of response, I jerked my chin downwards. "Think you can get my zipper?"

Soundbite's eyes promptly widened in realization. "OOOOOH… OKAY! BANZAI!" And with that, Soundbite shifted his mass to hop off my shoulder, snagging my jacket's zipper with his teeth as he descended, unzipping it entirely. "TA-DAH!" he whooped as he swung free.

It took a little bit of twisting, but I eventually managed to slip my way out of the sleeves of my jacket and step away from the door. Turning around, I was treated to the very disturbing sight of my jacket hanging from the door, stuck fast to the wood.

"And that…" I muttered darkly as I picked up Soundbite and put him back on my shoulder. "That right there is why I wear a redundant layer of clothing…"

"Bastard—!" Tashigi growled out from where she was still tugging viciously at her arms, both of her feet planted on the wall.

I blinked in confusion for a moment before the penny dropped, at which point I scowled darkly at her. "Really? You really think I'm just going to leave now? You're really accusing me of lacking basic human decency, again, just because I'm a pirate? Now, believe me, I get the logic, envisioning pirates as not being human makes it easier to kill them, but guess what? That's just not true: we're as human as you are, for better or worse. Hell, between the two of us, you're the one who's showing less decency here, automatically thinking the worst of me after I just SAVED YOUR LIFE. Now, are you willing to work together with me and let me help you, or do you want me to leave you here to starve?"

Tashigi snorted viciously as she stared over her shoulder at me before looking down with a grimace. "… fine. Fine, just… just help get me out of here!"

I nodded in understanding as I walked over to her. "On it. Now, what exactly is wrong?"

Tashigi shook her head miserably as she continued to tug her arms. "I… I think that some of whatever that was outside must have splashed through or seeped between the planks or- or something! And then… well, look!" She moved aside slightly, giving me a clear view of her hands. As far as I could tell, they were encased in a solid mass of white… something that was at best a finger's-width thick. "I-It's like it's hardened or something. Whatever it is, it's stupidly strong, I can't move anything from the wrist down!"

I frowned as I looked the material over. "What the hell is this stuff…" I muttered. I rapped my fist on the material contemplatively, and my eyes promptly widened in horror as the stuff let out a thick rapping noise like wood. "Ooooh, that cannot be a good sign…"

"Son of a bitch…" Tashigi whimpered miserably.

I scratched contemplatively at the casing with my finger, and I came away with several specks of white material. I gave the stuff an experimental rub, and as I did I felt a memory trying to break through the surface, like Reverse Mountain all over again. Acting on a hunch, I unlatched one of my gauntlets and slid it off before giving the material a feel. It was lumpy and uneven, but oddly enough, the closest comparison I could draw was to a—!

"Candle…" I whispered numbly as I shoved my gauntlet back on. "Shit."

"What?" Tashigi looked at me in confusion before scowling and shaking her head furiously. "Never mind! Look, if you know what this stuff is, then get rid of it! My men—!"

"Those men are dead, Tashigi!" I said, cutting off the denial.

"No! No, you're wrong!" The Marine shook her head harder as she started straining furiously against her makeshift shackles, the skin starting to tear ever so slightly. "Your snail must have made a mistake, they can't be—!"

I slammed my fist into the wall. "Damn it, Tashigi, listen to me!" I snarled. "This stuff is wax, created via the abilities of the Wax-Wax Fruit. It's a liquid at first, but the second it hardens, it becomes as hard as steel. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I pointed at the window. "If any of them had their mouths open when that stuff got them, it would have gone down their throats, maybe even entered their lungs. And even if they had them closed, we still wouldn't have enough time to get out of here and save them before they suffocated!"

I huffed heavily for a moment as I came down from my tirade before shaking my head solemnly. "I'm sorry, but they're dead, Tashigi. And unless you want to join them, you need to grit your teeth, soldier up and move. On. Understand?"

Tashigi huffed heavily as she stared out the blocked window with half-dead eyes for a moment before forcing herself to tear her gaze away and look at me. "How do you know about this stuff? This... This 'Wax-Wax Fruit'?" she asked weakly, obviously trying to distract herself.

I sighed in relief as she allowed herself to relax ever so slightly. "We—the rest of the crew and I—faced the user before, on Little Garden. He's known as Mr. 3." I nodded as Tashigi's gaze turned steely. "Yeah, he's a Baroque Works Officer Agent, a master tactician whose mission was to wipe us and Vivi clean off the face of the seas. Normally, sick bastard though he is, I'd say that this kind of shit wasn't his style…" I grimaced as I connected the dots. "But this isn't his play. At a glance, I'm guessing that your mobilization of the troops must have spooked Crocodile, so he's having Mr. 3 literally whitewash the streets of any and all Marines so as to safeguard his plans…"

I shook my head furiously as I ran my fingers through my hair. "But none of this makes any sense…" I muttered more to myself than anything. "Crocodile should have turned 3 into a living husk for failing his mission, why isn't he in the belly of a—!" The blood drained from my face as realization hit me. "Bananagator, shit!"

Tashigi stared at me in confusion. "What the hell are you—?"

I held her gaze for all of a second before hastily turning around and stepping away. "Find the rest of the crew, NOW!" I barked at Soundbite.

"Huh?!" Tashigi twisted around as she tried to keep track of me. "Hey, what—!? GET BACK—!"

"And tune her out, both ways!" I snapped, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder. Tashigi's voice was instantly drowned out by a wall of white noise.

The next moment, an electronic whine heralded Nami's furious voice cutting through the air. "CROSS!" she shrieked viciously. "You had damn well better tell me how the hell we're getting out of this cage right now, or so help me God—!"

"Nami," I cut her off coldly. "You are my friend, and on any other day I would let you say whatever the hell you want, but now is not the time! The situation you're in is a lot worse than you think it is."

"What's wrong?" Zoro immediately asked me.

I shook my head miserably as I reran the correct sequence of events in my mind. "Long story short, you guys would normally get out of that cage on account of one of the Bananagators spitting up Mr. 3, who was fed to the things by Crocodile for failing on Little Garden. He'd make a key with his wax and you guys would get out, scot-free."

"And the reason why we can't just do that is…?" Usopp asked uncomfortably.

"Because Mr. 3 is up here trying to kill me and every last Marine he can find," I summarized flatly. "He almost managed to turn me and Tashigi into modern art, and I'm confident he's not done yet."

Silence reigned for a moment.

"Uh… I know I'm not very smart, but even I know that's not good," Luffy stated dully.

"Truer words have rarely been spoken…" I sighed in grim agreement. I stood in silence for a moment before reaching a decision. "Look, I don't have a snowball's chance in hell of taking down an Officer Agent on my own. Unless you guys want to drown in several metric tons of water, I'm going to need to get Tashigi to help me, and if I'm going to get her to help me, I need to tell Smoker too. I won't tell them everything, but…"

"H-Hey, wait!" Chopper's voice suddenly cut in.

"He just came into range A MINUTE AGO," Soundbite explained.

"What about me and Sanji?" he inquired hastily. "W-We're still out here too! Why don't we handle Mr. 3?"

"Because you guys have the infinitely harder task of luring Crocodile out of Rain Dinners so that we can get 3 to everyone else in the first place," I informed them grimly.

"And if he refuses to cooperate?" Zoro growled darkly.

"I'm going after him with a halfway world-class swordswoman who, once she gets over the shock of losing her men, is going to be flat out ticked, to put it politely," I summarized in a faux-casual tone. "At this point, whether he wants to cooperate or not is no longer a factor."

"Wait!" Nami cut in. "Forget bringing him down here, take him out. I've got a better idea for our predicament. Oh, and Cross? Thanks for the idea. I probably wouldn't have thought of it on my own."

"Um...?" I blinked in shock as I processed the statement. "I… you sure about that? Because seriously, allow me to re-emphasize: metric tons of water."

"I'm sure, Cross," Nami emphasized firmly, not a hint of doubt in her voice. "Don't worry about us, just take Mister Three down."

"Oh, Nami-swan~!"

I rolled my eyes with a sigh and jerked my hand across my throat, prompting Soundbite to cut Sanji off. I was silent for a moment longer before nodding in agreement. "Alright… alright. Tashigi and I will stop Mr. 3. Chopper and Sanji will provide a distraction to get Crocodile and All Sunday out of the way, and you get everyone else out of the cage. Sound good?"

"Perfect."

"I-I guess…"

"Have fun, Cross! Oh, and don't die!"

"Same here, brat."

"I'll do my best, guys," I said dryly, then glanced at Soundbite. "Alright, bring in Smoker and Tashigi."

I turned around and walked back to Tashigi, smiling 'innocently' at her. "Sorry about that, private matters. You understand."

"You son of a—!" she started to curse me out.

"Language, Tashigi," Soundbite drawled in a bored voice.

Tashigi instinctively jerked into as much of a salute as she could manage. Which wasn't much. "C-Captain Smoker, sir!"

"At ease, Officer," Smoker growled out. "Report: what's your condition?"

"I, ah…" Tashigi trailed off uncomfortably, obviously having a hard time finding the words to describe just how thoroughly things had gone to hell.

I decided to spare her the trouble. "The Marines who were with her are dead, Captain," I informed him morosely. "Killed by Mr. 3 of Baroque Works. And chances are that many more are going to die if he has his way. As for Officer Tashigi herself, she's fine. Stuck in a bad position, but fine."

Soundbite's expression darkened as he mimed chewing, no doubt mirroring Smoker's own furious disposition. "Is that so… then I suppose we'd better move our men out of harm's way. Snail!" Soundbite jumped in shock as Smoker apparently addressed him. "Does your range reach the rest of my men who are still alive?"

"UMM…" Soundbite concentrated momentarily before nodding. "Yeah, I CAN REACH a few squads."

"Connect me to them. NOW!"

Soundbite yelped in terror before swiftly complying. "YOU'RE LIVE!"

"This is Captain Smoker to all Marines in Rainbase," he announced firmly. "As of this moment, there is a Baroque Works agent slaughtering every Marine he comes across with extreme prejudice. On account of how I am currently… incapacitated, I am giving you a direct order: Get the hell out of Rainbase. Round up every patrol that hasn't heard these orders, get back to base camp, and retreat to a quarter mile out of the city. Evacuate all civilians as you go, chances are that this bastard isn't discriminating. Furthermore, until further notice, Chief Petty Officer Nomaru has command. Now get the hell out of here. End transmission."

Tashigi and I stared at Soundbite in open-mouthed shock, and even the snail himself seemed surprised at what he'd just said.

"Holy shit, Smoker," I breathed numbly.

"Captain…" Tashigi started hesitantly.

"Officer Tashigi," Smoker promptly interrupted. "As of this moment, I am deeming this a World-class incident. That means that you are fully authorized to cooperate with that pirate and no consequences will blow back on you. Your mission is to locate Mr. 3 and subdue him. Alive, if at all possible. I want him to enjoy Impel Down's tender mercies for what he's done. Is that clear, Officer?"

Tashigi stared dumbfoundedly at the snail for only a second more before clenching her jaw and nodding firmly. "Crystal, sir."

"Good, now get to it. And cut this line, I think someone's com—" Soundbite promptly cut himself off before grinning eagerly. "WELL, let's get TO IT!"

Tashigi nodded numbly in agreement before turning her gaze on her wax cuffs. "Alright… Alright. Let's get me out of here. You-You said that this stuff as hard as steel once it hardened, right?"

"Not even Z—er…" I hastily reconsidered what I was about to say. "Luffy can break this stuff without using another piece of it. For now, at least…" I muttered to myself.

Tashigi bit her lip uncomfortably as she processed this before scrunching up her eyes in resignation. She then leaned as far back as she could manage and twisted so as to proffer her hip to me. "Use Shigure. Swing as hard as you can. Make it as clean as possible."

I blinked at her in numb shock as I processed what she was asking me. I then proceeded to give her a flat glare. "Wow, you are way more like Zoro than I gave you credit for," I deadpanned. "Now, where's your lighter?"

A vein bulged on Tashigi's forehead as she visibly fought to keep from ripping my head off. "What the hell are you—!?"

"Tashigi," I cut her off, my voice studiously neutral. "It's wax. It's hard as steel while it's solid, but you know what one of the most prominent characteristics of wax is?"

The Marine stared at me questioningly for a moment before her eyes shot wide in realization. "It melts…" she breathed.

"It melts," I repeated firmly. "And considering how you work for the face of chain smoking in the East Blue, I don't have any doubts that you have a source of ignition on your person. Now, do you want to be here until the sun goes down, or do you want to tell me where it is!?"

Tashigi visibly debated with herself for a moment before affixing me with a chilling glare. "If you touch me, in any way, I swear to the heavens that I will run you through and gut you like a fish."

My eye twitched viciously for a moment before I came to a decision: I was done putting up with this absolute bullshit.

THWACK!

"OW!" Tashigi yelped, her head jerking forwards as I dope slapped it. "WHAT THE HELL!?"

"You wanna be treated equally?" I demanded impatiently. "That's how we handle things when one of our crew is being an idiot. Now, will you please do me the favor of telling me where the damn lighter is!?"

Tashigi glared at me impassively for a moment before looking away with what was most likely shame. "The inside right breast pocket."

Ah. Alright, that justified the attitude a bit. Though that certainly didn't mean that I had to like it. Nevertheless, I grabbed hold of the hem of her jacket and pulled it away from her body before searching the pocket in question. I was gratified to come back with an average-sized lighter.

"Thank you," I nodded politely. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I turned around and started to walk away.

"H-Hey, HEY!" She twisted in an effort to keep track of me. "Where the hell do you think you're going!?"

I turned around and gave the Officer a flat look. "I'm going to take this lighter and use it to set the nearby orphanage on fire before kicking an old lady into the street. Then, just for kicks, I think I'm going to rob the widows and orphans fund, use it all to buy up all the ice cream in town, and not share aaaaany of it. You know, a typical Tuesday for us pirates."

"MUHUHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Soundbite cackled malefically.

Tashigi huffed and rolled her eyes tiredly. "And without the sarcasm?"

I gave the lighter a pointed shake, the flat look on my face not faltering. "This lighter isn't going to make a big enough flame to put even remotely close to a significant dent in that much wax. I'm going to search the house and see if I can't find some cloth or paper or anything that I can use to get a decently sized blaze going. It's gonna get hot like hell, but I don't see what other options we have. Now, if you'll excuse me—" I turned back around.

"Wait—!"

"You can arrest me for trespassing and robbery later," I shot over my shoulder without looking back.

"No no no, not that!" Tashigi hastily pleaded. "I-It's just…" she trailed off uncertainly.

I glanced over my shoulder at her.

Tashigi was looking down at the floor, before glancing up and meeting my eyes. "Look… check and see if there's a kitchen anywhere. Cooking oil, sherry—"

"Flammables…" I breathed in realization before grinning eagerly. "That'll work perfectly! I'll see if I can soak a rag in the stuff! Oh!" I came up short as realization hit me. "And I'll see about filling up a bucket with water too, because seriously, to emphasize: hot like hell. Good chance you're not coming out of this without some kind of a scar."

"Right…" Tashigi nodded nervously, before blinking and jerking her head up frantically. "Ah, nonono! Not water, not water! A thick cloth or some baking soda, but you do not use water for an oil fire! How do you not know this!?"

I winced self-consciously before shrugging helplessly. "Hey, to be fair, I'm not our ship's cook and I'm a literal college dropout—long story—besides. I don't typically get anywhere close to oil fires if I can help it!"

"Just…" Tashigi hung her head with a groan. "Just hurry up already, will you?"

Shaking my head, I began searching the mercifully abandoned house and was gratified to come upon a nicely stocked kitchen. I started looking through every drawer and cupboard I saw, and fairly quickly found a bottle of sake. When the kitchen failed to turn up much in the way of rags—I guess that they just let the desert heat do that part of the job—I resorted to a dresser I saw. A bit more searching, which resulted in giving me the impression that I never wanted to meet the owner of this house—dear God, where did they find the energy!?—rewarded me with a decently sized towel, just big enough for what we needed.

I moved back over to Tashigi, and she watched with some apprehension as I carefully poured the sake over the towel, then wrapped it over the wax, leaving a big enough dry corner hanging away from it for me to grab in a hurry. With that done, I flicked open the lighter, and glanced back at Tashigi.

"Ready?" I asked nervously.

She allowed herself to laugh weakly. "That's a joke, right?"

"God, how I wish…" I muttered to myself before steeling my nerve. "Alright, one, two—!" I shoved the lighter beneath the rag—

FWOOSH!

And the cloth lit up instantly, giving off a respectable amount of heat that already had Tashigi grimacing in pain and some of the wax starting to drip.

"How long do you think this will take?" she asked uncomfortably.

"Well, my friends managed to break out of a full-body glazing in a matter of seconds, but that fire looked like something straight out of a kiln, sooo…" I shrugged helplessly. "I guess just keep trying to flex your fingers, and once you actually feel the burn, get your hands out of there? Aaaand hope that the smaller flecks don't actually stick to your skin like steel, too."

Tashigi grimaced, and we lapsed into silence as we watched the fire burn and listened to the wax slowly, so so slowly, drip off.

"How much?"

At least, until Tashigi suddenly spoke up.

"Huh?" I blinked in confusion.

"How much is Princess Nefertari paying you to protect her?" she clarified, obviously trying to keep the conversation civil.

I pondered the question briefly before shrugging. "Well, if Nami had her way, we would be a billion beris richer once this bout of madness was over and done with."

"E-Excuse me!?" Tashigi sputtered in shock.

"JACKPOT, baby!" Soundbite crowed.

"That is a ludicrous amount of money!" the Marine squeaked.

"Yeah, Nami just loooves her money," I drawled in a deadpan before grinning. "Luckily, I managed to sate her lust for wealth—and dear God am I being literal in that phrase—before we actually met Vivi, so she wasn't actively sniffing out a payday. Though honestly…" I chuckled mirthlessly. "I doubt we'd take it if she offered anyways."

Tashigi cocked her eyebrow in disbelief. "Oh, really? And why's that?"

I shrugged matter-of-factly. "Because she's our friend, duh."

Tashigi's expression didn't change in the slightest. "Excuse me if I don't believe you."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, pirates and all that," I grumbled. "Honestly, it is a little unbelievable when viewed out of context. You had to have been there."

"I'm sure." The swordswoman gave an experimental tug at her wax restraints, sighing when they only gave half an inch. She then fell contemplatively silent before giving me a curious look. "What… did you mean earlier?"

Now it was my turn to cock my eyebrow. "Would you care to be more specific, or shall I guess?" I didn't even flinch at the glare she pinned me with. "Hey, to be fair, you were being sassy for the past few seconds. Aren't you Marines supposed to be all about fairness and stuff like that?"

Tashigi huffed and refocused her attention on trying to free herself. "Roronoa. What did you mean earlier, when you said Roronoa and I were more alike than you gave me credit for? Because I promise you, we are nothing alike."

I blinked in shock as I realized just what she was referring to before promptly snorting in amusement. "More alike than you'd think, seeing how your first reaction to not seeing any other way out of the wax was to try and chop your limbs off."

That caused Tashigi to freeze before slowly turning her awe-filled eyes on me. "He… he really tried to do that?" she asked numbly. "To… to cut his arms—?"

"Legs," I interjected with a shrug. "Mr. 3 managed to trick him and snag him. He was willing to cut his legs off above the ankles, all so that he could have a fighting chance. And he actually got, and I quote, 'about halfway through 'em' before Luffy managed to bail him out."

"Seriously?" Soundbite whistled in awe.

"He wasn't all there when it went down," I emphasized slightly as I jabbed my thumb at Soundbite, who thankfully got the message. "But yeah, pretty much. You can say anything and everything you want about Zoro, but you can't deny that he's a damn fine swordsman."

Tashigi's expression promptly darkened as she gave her arms an extra-hard yank. "Yeah, I really can't. It's a shame too. If he weren't a criminal, he'd make an incredible Marine."

"HA!" I barked.

"And again, HA!" Soundbite concurred.

"What!?" Tashigi demanded.

"Lady, I assure you, Zoro would make a terrible Marine," I swiftly promised her. "He would take absolutely none of any of his superiors' shit, his sense of direction is so bad that he can literally get lost going in a straight line, he sleeps almost eighteen hours out of twenty-four—and God help you if you interrupt the training or sword maintenance he does with religious fervor when he's awake—he'd drain the entire base of alcohol in less than a week, sake first, and… um…"

"HE'S gru~mpy~!" Soundbite sang eagerly.

"And he has an attitude, yes," I nodded as I pointed at the snail before shrugging. "And all that besides, working with the Marines would mean that he'd never get the chance to acquire the two things he wants the most in this world. Though, really, they're the same thing in the end."

That refocused Tashigi's interest on me. "A-and what would that be…?"

I spread my arms helplessly. "Easy: Dracule 'Hawk-Eye' Mihawk's head, and the title that comes with it."

And that lost Tashigi's interest anew in favor of making marginally more progress with the stupidly persistent wax. "The greatest swordsman… I'm not even surprised," she growled more to herself than to me. "Arrogant, vicious, cowardly…"

I pursed my lips and bit my tongue as I listened to her rage against Zoro slowly devolve into wordless grumbling. After a minute or so, however, I came to a decision.

"Hey," I interrupted her, albeit hesitantly. "Your conversations with Zoro, they're not likely to ever develop much farther than 'I will defeat you, Roronoa!', right?"

Tashigi gave me a half-hearted glance out the corner of her eye before going back to ignoring me in favor of the wax.

"And it's almost certainly a guarantee that this conversation we're having is never going to be shared with anyone else outside this room save for whatever bits and pieces Soundbite decides to blurt out, right?"

I accompanied that last word with a pointed glare at Soundbite, who for his part simply whistled innocently through his massive smile.

"Get to the point or be quiet, Cross," Tashigi ordered.

"Do you want to know just why Zoro is so focused on becoming the best?" I asked her, causing her to freeze. "Why he will never let you have the Wado Ichimonji so long as he lives, and why you'll have to literally cut it out of his cold, dead fingers?"

Tashigi turned her head to stare at me dead on, a war obviously raging in her mind.

"I'll tell you," I offered slowly. "But only if you promise not to tell Zoro, because there's a good chance that he will open me up for telling you, and if you do, I will tell Smoker that you wanted me to cut your hands off, and you know you'll catch hell for it."

Tashigi remained silent for what might have been a full minute, her expression unreadable. Finally, she nodded her consent.

"Well, in that case," I spread my arms invitingly. "The easy response is thus: remember how he said that you look like a girl he knew that died a long time ago?"

Tashigi actually jumped in shock at that, despite the loosening wax still encasing her hands. "How do you know about—!?"

I smirked slightly as I jabbed a thumb at the snail on my shoulder. "Lady, let me let you in on a little secret: when your partner is the world's best eavesdropper, the list of things you don't know is shorter than the list of things you do."

"I'm a badass, BA-BY!" Soundbite crowed.

Tashigi spared a glare at the snail before turning back to me. "What does Roronoa's dead girlfriend—!?"

"No no no!" I interrupted her, jabbing my finger up hastily. "Not girlfriend, they knew each other when they were around twelve or so, so their relationship was not romantic. No…" I stared at the fire burning on the wax contemplatively. "No, if she was anything, Kuina was Zoro's rival… and his clear superior."

Tashigi's eyes widened in awe. "S-Superior?"

"2000 times, they dueled," I intoned gravely. "2000 times, he lost. Badly. Hell, she was his first, his very first defeat! Before that, he was cutting down dojos like wheat, but Kuina? Kuina stopped him cold."

The Marine was staring at me in awe, obviously trying to connect what she was hearing with the Zoro she knew and despised.

"Now, the point where this all becomes relevant is on the 2001st duel," I emphasized with a single finger. "After 2000 straight losses, Zoro's pride was… well, not so much bruised as tenderized. So, he proposed a final duel. This one with real swords. He used two ordinary katana," I sighed heavily. "And Kuina used her prized possession, a sword that had been passed down through her family for generations. You know it as the Wado Ichimonji."

Tashigi hissed in a frantic breath against her will.

I was silent for a moment before spreading my arms helplessly. "2001 fights, 2001 losses. But this time was… different. See, Kuina expressed some doubts that she had. She lamented the fact that she was a girl because she knew it would make her physically weaker than boys and she said that one day, maybe even one day soon, Zoro would manage to beat her, uniquely because of her gender."

Tashigi winced miserably before forcing herself to look away, attention returning to the wax. She was even making halfway decent progress, too.

"Zoro called bullshit on that."

And just like that, progress stopped.

"He said," I continued slowly. "That if he ever managed to beat Kuina, then it would be by skill and skill alone. That whether she was a boy or a girl… it didn't matter one bit. That night, they made a pact. Him or her, one or the other, it didn't matter. Either way… one of them would become the greatest swordsman in the world. And that, as they say, was that." I couldn't hide a wince at this next bit. "Or at least, it was for Kuina."

"W-What do you mean?" Tashigi asked.

I bowed my head solemnly. "The next day… Zoro found out that Kuina was dead. She died by falling down the stairs. An accident. Apparently, she was…" I sighed heavily. "Looking for a whetstone, of all things."

Tashigi's expression immediately became stricken, her mouth dropping open wordlessly. "…ah."

"So you see, that's why you'll never have much luck fighting Zoro head-on," I explained solemnly. "Because you'll never be fighting him head-on. When you fight him, you're not just fighting one of the best masters of the blade in our generation. Zoro trains and fights with the strength of two."

"Ah…"

"And I suppose you now see why Zoro has a hard time facing you at all. You looking like Kuina, it brings up a lot of emotions in him that he has a hard time dealing with. But really, don't think for a second that it's because of your gender. A lot of people might think that's a good excuse, but not Zoro. And certainly not me either, for that matter!"

"Ah!"

I frowned in confusion at Tashigi's unintelligible response. "Er, are you agreeing with me or—"

"AGH, THE FIRE, DAMN IT!" Tashigi shrieked, visibly straining against the wax. Strain that was actually making a difference, for that matter.

"Oh, shit!" I cursed, hastily running behind Tashigi and wrapping my arms under her shoulders. "Alright, pull on three, one two THREE!"

Tashigi and I immediately yanked back as one. It felt like I was pulling her through a wall of stupidly thick honey, but eventually—

SCHLOCK!

Our efforts bore fruit as I suddenly tumbled onto my back, with Tashigi rolling off of me as she came free, her arms thankfully free of both the wax in general and any smaller flecks or chunks that could have possibly stayed stuck to her arms. We both remained prone for a moment before hastily scrambling to our feet.

We were both silent for a moment until I decided to try and keep the peace we had going. "So…" I started slowly.

"This conversation never leaves this room," Tashigi interrupted me with a cold glare. "This conversation changes nothing. We are not friends, we are not partners, we can barely even be defined as allies. We are going to find Mr. 3, we are going to take him down, and then, if there is any real justice in the world, I will personally put you and your crew in cuffs before putting an end to Crocodile's plans. Understood?"

I grimaced and nodded slowly in agreement. "Yeah yeah, understood."

"Good," Tashigi started to nod before scowling viciously. "And take that off!" She lunged at me and snatched the cap I was wearing off my head.

I blinked in surprise at the thing before giving her a bemused look. "I will be one-hundred percent honest with you: in all this madness, I completely forgot that I was wearing that."

Tashigi sniffed darkly as she waved the cap in my face. "This is a symbol of the integrity, moral fortitude, and valor of the Navy. You don't have the right to wear it."

I raised my hands in surrender. "Fair enough, fair enough. Now, can we please get out of here and stop the sadistic sociopath with the Devil Fruit ability?"

Tashigi glared at me for a moment longer before nodding in agreement. "Fine. Now, how would you suggest that we get out of here, seeing how the door is most likely sealed shut?"

"The wax didn't go ON THE OTHER SIDE of the HOUSE," Soundbite offered.

"That's as good a way out as any," I shrugged before cocking my eyebrow at Tashigi. "Now, do you want to go first, or do you want me where you can keep track of me?"

The shink! of Shigure being drawn and pointed in my face was answer enough.

"Alrighty, then," I muttered as I walked past her, going through the kitchen and locating the backdoor. I pushed through it, emerging into a mercifully unscathed but no-less-conspicuously abandoned street. Huh, must have been the front door. Makes sense, we did enter through the alley.

"Alright…" Tashigi muttered. "Which way is he, snail?"

"I have a NAME, you know," Soundbite grumbled before yelping fearfully, presumably on account of the cold steel that jabbed past my face.

"Look at just how much I care."

Soundbite ground his teeth nervously before jerking his head to the left. "THAT WAY, give or take half a mile."

"Alright, move it," she commanded, thankfully withdrawing her blade in the process.

I wordlessly followed her orders, marching down the streets and following the directions Soundbite provided. We continued for a few moments until Tashigi decided to break the silence herself.

"So, this Mr. 3," she started slowly. "What does he look like?"

"Thin guy with glasses and black hair, usually has it tied up in the shape of a three above his head," I blandly summarized.

I could tell that Tashigi paused for a moment in shock. "Wait, seriously? I thought he was supposed to be some kind of discreet agent or assassin or something!"

I grimaced darkly. "At a guess, he's not that worried about witnesses surviving to spread his codename around."

"Mmph… good point. Alright, weaknesses?"

I frowned. "Well, for starters, his hair catches fire when he uses his powers; we used that against him last time—I think anyways, things got kind of nutso, all a bit of a blur. Besides that…he's really arrogant, not prepared to believe that rookies would be able to outsmart him. Oh, and physically? He's a serious wimp. I could probably take him in a fistfight, and believe me, that's an accomplishment."

"But you said that he doesn't typically use his powers for a tidal wave of wax? Strange, because that worked devastatingly well."

I shrugged. "He goes by the philosophy 'without mastery, power is nothing'. Simply put, he's a perfectionist and a twisted 'artiste' besides. And much as I hate to say it, he manages to pull it off surprisingly well; he almost managed to kill our whole crew before Usopp managed to break—"

I cut myself off from reciting details from the story as I recalled another possibility. I glanced at Soundbite.

"Please tell me that Goldenweek isn't here, too."

"Who?" Tashigi asked, bewildered, as Soundbite focused.

"Miss Goldenweek, Mr. 3's partner. She's a hypnotist who focuses her powers through paint. If she's here, then chances are that we'll need to look out for lifelike wax-replicas of people to boot, and that would be less than fun."

"NOT today. SHE'S not HERE, THREE'S flying solo," Soundbite reported.

I heaved a sigh. "Thank God for small miracles…" I took a moment to glance around the street. "Where is everyone, anyways?"

"Some indoors, some LEFT WITH the Marines. OTHERS…" Soundbite fell uncharacteristically silent. "Others didn't make it."

I glanced at the snail with mounting dread as we rounded a corner. "What do you mean—?"

And the second I caught sight of what lay ahead of us, my words died in my throat.

The first thought that ran through my head was… white. White on the walls, white on the ground… and white on the people. So many people. A small crowd of them, civilians and Marines alike, all with rough caricatures of fear molded onto their faces. All running as fast as they could away from something. Obviously not fast enough.

I grit my teeth furiously as I walked past them all, disgust and hate and a building rage vying for control. "Son of a bitch…"

Tashigi slowly matched my pace and walked alongside me, observing the Marines with a forcibly blank expression. "You're certain that there's no way possible to get them out?" she asked quietly.

I wrenched my gaze forwards as I shook my head. "Not a one. Heck, even if they were still alive after so long, the entire reason Zoro tried to cut his legs off was that he couldn't cut through this stuff. Well…" I cocked my head to the side slightly. "Not yet, at any rate."

Tashigi looked at me in shock. "What are you talking about?"

I briefly considered how to answer her before spreading my hands helplessly. "Let me put it this way: the only swordsmen in the world capable of cutting anything… are those who have learnt how to cut nothing."

"That is a very cryptic and unsatisfying answer," Tashigi deadpanned.

I shot a glare at her out of the corner of my eye. "Then arrest me."

"Ain't no law AGAINST BEING cryptic and unsatisfying, OTHERWISE ALL THE OLD MASTERS OF THE WORLD WOULD BE OUT OF BUSINESS!" Soundbite chimed in.

Tashigi rolled her eyes, and her fingers twitched towards Shigure's sheath before she settled for just saying, "I should have expected some kind of making light of the situation from you. As long as it's not you or your crew in the wax, why would you care at all?"

I stopped walking as I heard those words, and I felt something in my mind come very close to snapping.

"Keep moving, pirate."

Aaaaand that was the straw that broke the camel's back in half.

I rounded on the Marine and grabbed her collar, pointedly ignoring the sword she shoved in my face. "First and foremost," I droned frigidly. "The only reason I'm making jokes in this situation is that I'm not numb, and unless I translate the sensations I'm feeling into excitement or otherwise, they're going to become terror and I'm going to curl up in the fetal position, crying and pissing my pants. If I had chosen to do that, we'd both be dead in that alleyway. You're welcome for that, by the way."

"Let go of—!" Tashigi started to snarl before I cut her off by yanking her in close so that I was snarling directly in her face.

"Second," I barely refrained from literally spitting. "Knock it off with your high-and-mighty morality bullshit. Three times now, you've painted me with the same black brush as anyone else who flies a Jolly Roger; what have I, or any of my crew for that matter, done to deserve that? I accept that most pirates are scum of the seas, it's a fact, but if you'd take two seconds to look at the Straw Hat Pirates' track record, you'd realize that we're not like that. We have never raped, we have never pillaged, we have done things that are dangerous, destructive and even morally questionable, but nothing unforgivable. My friends and I are not saints and I'll admit that for some of us, decent is a goodly stretch, but none of us are the monsters you make us out to be!"

I shoved her away and took a distancing step back from her before continuing. "But you know what?" I spread my arms invitingly. "Go ahead. Go ahead and say whatever the hell you want about me, about my crew. But before you do, you have to admit to one thing, one simple, unequivocal fact."

"And what's that!?" Tashigi snarled back.

I jabbed my finger at her accusingly. "That the flag you follow is no worse than mine. That at its core, the Navy is just as black as you accuse us to be. Worse, even."

"THAT'S A LIE!" the Marine screamed indignantly.

"YEAH, IT IS!" I roared back. "Because you know what? You're right! The Navy is white! You're just understating it, because you see, they take 'white' past the point where it becomes bad. Past the point where it becomes something unspeakable."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Tashigi spat.

"Oh-ho-ho, where to even start?" I laughed humorlessly, wracking my brain for a moment before snapping my fingers as I came to a conclusion. "Oh, I know! Let's start in the North Blue! The once-opulent White City of Flevance!"

"That was an epidemic!" Tashigi shot back. "The lives lost were a tragedy, but—!"

"They were lost in vain," I retorted. "Get any doctor to actually, legitimately examine a case of Amber Lead poisoning, and you know what they'll tell you? It's genetic. Passed down from parent to child over years. You could breathe in Amber Lead dust for decades and the only people who would suffer would be your third generation of offspring. But the doctors outside of Flevance got the wrong conclusion and were too scared and too stupid to fact-check, so they deemed it to be a plague. The World Government didn't bother to investigate, didn't bother to ask, didn't bother to even try. And you know why?" I spat in the wax. "They. Didn't. Care."

"Even if I believed that, which I don't, how the hell would you even know?!" the Marine demanded indignantly.

"This isn't about me," I promptly deflected. "But you know what? Fine! Let's move the aim of our discussion. Somewhere more… familiar. The East Blue, for example! Ever hear of the island of Tequila Wolf?"

Tashigi frowned in thought. "It's… a cordoned off island in the northern part of the East Blue that's been designated as a working place for the impoverished…"

"Hm…" I made a show of scratching my chin in thought. "Working place… that's a funny way to say 'biggest slave camp in the hemisphere.' Oh, yes!" I nodded at Tashigi's shocked look. "Slave camp! That's been running for seven hundred years, all on the orders of the World Nobles. Why, you might ask? To build a bridge. Where this bridge leads, why they're building it… hell if I know! Personally, if I had to guess, one of them decided way back when that they wanted an easier way to get to their summer home on another island and their descendants haven't let anyone stop it. But hey, then again, I could just be giving those sick fucks too much credit."

Tashigi stammered incoherently for several seconds, and I cut her off before she could formulate her thoughts enough to deny what I said again.

"But hey, you might ask how I know about that, too. So, how about I move to another relevant topic, using nothing but public knowledge. Nico Robin: The Devil's Child, wanted at a whopping ฿79 million, apparently for the crime of destroying six, count 'em, six Marine battleships… at the tender age of eight. Now…" I chuckled sardonically as I raised my hands in a shrug. "I don't know about you, but personally, I only see two ways something like that could possibly go down: either A, the Navy is a lot more incompetent than I give it credit for, or B… That story is a steaming pile of bull."

"And I can explain it with two words: Devil. Fruit," Tashigi shot back.

"Mmmyeeeaaaahh…" I slowly nodded in agreement before shifting to a shake. "Buuuut no. See, her powers aren't anywhere near that kind of a capability."

"And how the hell would you know, huh?" Tashigi demanded. "I thought that you were keeping to public knowledge!"

"Well, allow me to mix in some personal experience, because I've met her!" I took a brief moment of solace in Tashigi's thunderstruck expression. "She's Crocodile's second-in-command, goes by the name of 'Miss All Sunday'. She came onto our ship shortly after we met Vivi. Why she didn't kill us, I couldn't tell you, but I can tell you what her powers are." I tilted my head back and indicated my neck. "The Flower-Flower Fruit. Capable of generating her body parts from just about anywhere in her line of sight. I know because she created an arm on my torso and used it to choke me."

Tashigi blinked slowly as she considered my words. "But… But that doesn't—!"

"Make any sense?" I finished for her. "Doesn't match up with the Marines' version of events? Because after all, you only get one Devil Fruit your entire life, and that one doesn't sound like it's capable of levelling six battleships to me. You?"

"I… but… it can't…" Tashigi stammered for a few more seconds, but then her expression grew hard again. "…Excuse me if I don't believe you when the linchpin of your argument is your own word. Sure, if this 'Miss All Sunday' is Nico Robin and she does have the Flower-Flower Fruit, I promise you that I'll apologize. Hell, I'll even promise to research those other places you mentioned if you're telling the truth. But you haven't done anything to make me blindly trust you."

"Fine by me!" I spread my arms invitingly. "If my words are wasted on you, then that's no skin off my bones! But know this!" I marched up to her and jabbed my finger in her chest, high enough that she couldn't make anything of it. "If you're going to put yourself behind a flag and support it with every fiber of your being, then you'd better be able to say you know it, inside and out, and trust every last part of it. I know every member of my crew, and I trust them all with my life." I leaned in and narrowed my eyes accusingly. "Care to say the same?"

Tashigi's expression grew uncertain again, and she slowly opened her mouth, perhaps to rebutt me, but no sound came.

Instead, a different sound rang out.

Applause. Slow, mocking, self-aggrandizing applause.

"Shit!" Tashigi, Soundbite and I chorused as we whipped our head arounds to stare at the source of the sound, who was clapping from on top of a wax-coated building.

"Well, this has been a most entertaining and…enlightening exchange of morals," Mr. 3 drawled, folding his hands behind his back. "And I will certainly have to see about exploiting a fair amount of what you've shared with me at a later date, but for now? I do believe that it's time I killed the both of you."

"Hold that thought, Mr. 3," I growled. "I'll save you the trouble and kill one of us right now. Soundbite?"

Soundbite glanced around in confusion before paling dramatically. "TH-THERE'S STILL something where he WAS making noise!"

"Mmmyesss," Mr. 3 blandly stated. "While I'll admit to the majority of our exchange on Little Garden being… fuzzy, at best, your little pet's abilities stayed with me, so I decided to take precautions just in case. Care to know one of the most fundamental abilities an assassin holds in their repertoire?" The wax-man's grin became cruel. "How to hold your breath for a very, very long time. Well…" He tapped a wax vest he was wearing that I hadn't noticed before. "That and a little something I threw together that apparently succeeded in masking my heartbeat. As for the distraction, it's a wonder what one can achieve with knowledge in engineering and an endless supply of resources. But!" Mr. 3 waved his hand lazily. "I'm afraid I'm digressing. Time for you to die."

Tashigi whipped her hand to Shigure's hilt—

SHUNK!

And promptly froze in place, her eyes slowly drifting down to stare at the shaft of white wax piercing her gut. "W-What—?" she stammered unintelligently.

I had just enough time to catch sight of the wax shifting and bubbling around Tashigi's feet—

SH-SH-SHINK!

When said wax proceeded to explode with over a dozen more such shafts, all piercing up into the air nigh-instantaneously. For a scant moment, I was afraid that Tashigi had been turned into a literal human pincushion… until I noticed the distinct lack of blood from anywhere except her sole source of impalement. As it was, none of the other spears had actually harmed her, and were instead keeping her trapped by crisscrossing around her and forming a simultaneously impenetrable and inescapable forest of wax poles, like a diabolically engineered bamboo forest whose sole intent was to serve as the Marine's prison. Only one of Tashigi's arms appeared to have any degree of movement available to it, but even that wouldn't be of much use if the way she was letting it hang limply was anything to go by.

"I do believe that that will suffice for the good Officer at the moment," Mr. 3 sniffed imperiously. "Who knows? I might even leave her like that. Might as well… diversify, for lack of a better word. Now then!" He brought his other arm around, revealing the flowing wax he'd been hiding behind his back. With a near-careless gesture, he motioned the limb upwards, causing an ornately decorated staircase to rise from the pool of wax that was seamlessly hidden on the ground. He grinned malevolently. "Your turn."

I turned around to run, but was immediately met with a barrier of wax at least ten feet tall rising before me before I could take so much as a step. I mentally cursed a thousand times over as I turned around and caught sight of Mr. 3 casually strolling towards me. I hastily scrambled to slam my headphones over my ears. "Alright, screw making him sick, try and blow his fucking eardrums out!"

"I'm afraid—" Mr. 3 interrupted Soundbite before he could move his mouth, "that you'll find that to be a most… fruitless endeavor." He tapped his ear with a smirk. "Earplugs, and formfitting ones at that. Lip-reading, such an… invaluable skill, wouldn't you say? But still, just in case…" He raised his hand menacingly. "If your pet's jaws show any signs of opening, I promise you that I will fill it, and I don't mean its mouth."

Soundbite hastily shut up, and I clamped my hand over his mouth for good measure. Mr. 3's smirk grew into a sadistic grin.

I furtively wracked my brain for some way, any way for me to keep this bastard off of me until I could come up with some kind of plan. Thankfully, I managed to latch onto a stray thought and force it out my mouth. "How are you still alive?" I demanded desperately. "We kicked your ass on Little Garden, and I know that Crocodile is beyond intolerant when it comes to failure. You should be a dried-up husk!"

3 blinked in surprise at the question before chuckling sardonically. "Well, now… to be quite honest, I almost was. I accompanied my fellow Officer Agents here to Rainbase and decided to involve myself with the ongoing meeting. As expected, Mister Zero was quite infuriated with me." He narrowed his eyes menacingly. "Imagine my surprise, however, when he explained that the cause for his ire was a rather fraudulent report that he received in the midst of the madness that you caused us on Little Garden. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, hmm?"

If the way his sneer intensified, my face must have betrayed me. "Thought so. That little ploy of yours very nearly got me killed, which, I will admit, I can somewhat respect. I was supremely fortunate to be able to explain the situation, and convince him that it was the truth before he managed to drain more than half of my body's liquids from me. The rest, as they say, is history."

I frowned as I considered that; that was almost exactly the way things had happened before, and Crocodile hadn't forgiven him then. What had changed? Sanji picked up the call, passed himself off as Mr. 3, Crocodile believed him, and then…

It was only the advancing enemy and the fact that my hand was covered in metal that kept me from facepalming. The Unluckies. Those furry-ass fuckers. They didn't attack Sanji and interrupt the charade, they didn't plant a seed of doubt with Crocodile about Mr. 3's trustworthiness. And they didn't attack Sanji because—!

…because they were attacking me.

The world swayed slightly beneath me as the implications hit me. All of this madness, this death, all because of me. Because I diverted the Unluckies, they didn't interrupt Sanji. Because they didn't interrupt Sanji, Crocodile gave Mr. 3 a chance to explain himself. 'For want of a battle, the kingdom was lost… all for the want of a horseshoe nail'.

The click of leather on wax served to break me out of my thoughts, and bring my focus to Mr. 3's cocky sneer.

But that wasn't true, was it? The battle might have been lost because of a nail, but he was the one who started the damn battle in the first place. I didn't cover these people in wax, I only made it possible. I wasn't without blame, but I'd be damned if I was stupid enough to think that I had the lion's share!

I scowled angrily. Dammit, I was brooding! The exact thing that the BROB that stuck me here tried to prevent, even! And this smug jackass, the one at fault here, had the fucking audacity to smile after what he'd done?

Fuck. That.

I stepped forwards and threw my entire body behind a punch directed at the center of the smug bastard's face.

Naturally, all that my fist hit was the lump of molten-but-not-hot wax that was 3's own hand. And considering the wax's viscosity, my punch being halted mid-swing was to be expected. 3 cocked an eyebrow at the wax before giving me a flat look. "Did you honestly expect that to succeed?"

"It felt damn good to try," I spat.

"Hm…" Mr. 3 thoughtfully tilted his head to the side. Then he buried a fist covered in hardened wax in my gut.

"HOORF!" I wheezed painfully, doubling over around the boxing-glove-shaped construct he'd formed. It took all I had to keep my lunch where it belonged, much less my legs under me.

"You're right, that did feel good!" the candleman laughed.

Soundbite whimpered miserably as he watched the events in terror, grinding his teeth fearfully as he balanced on the knife's edge of yelling with all he could and staying as silent as possible.

"Now then…" Mr. 3 held his hand up, wax churning menacingly. "Let's finish this. Rejoice! For I shall now make you into a work of art. From the inside—!"

SHINK!

Mr. 3 froze, blinking in confusion as his wax sloughed off of his hands. "Out?" he breathed, apparently unable to believe whatever what had just happened.

Rather than look a gift horse in the mouth, I reared my arm back and rammed my elbow into his face, dead center. The sound of his cartilage snapping against my armor brought me no end of relief.

3 stumbled back from me, clutching at his shattered nose. He made it three steps—

THUNK!

When Tashigi brought Shigure's hilt down on his skull, laying him out for good and revealing the bleeding slash on his back that had cut clean through his wax vest.

"That was for my men, you bastard…" she hissed, clutching the bleeding wound in her gut.

"Oooh, I think you might have cut his spine," I winced.

Tashigi snorted and shook her head firmly. "No, I didn't. Smoker said he wanted him alive. I follow orders…" She gestured at the bisected shafts of wax behind her. "And I only cut what I want to cut."

I stared at the display in awe as I processed just what the implications were. "You… you figured it out…" I breathed.

Tashigi huffed heavily as she flipped Shigure in her grip and slid it into its sheath. "It was… easy." She winced and doubled over as her body was wracked by shudders. "Once the life was draining from my body, anyways…"

"Hey hey hey, whoa!" I yelped, running to her side and propping her up. "Don't you dare give up on me now, Officer, don't go dark! I still need you with me, we still need to find our captains!" I tried to brainstorm anything else I could possibly say… and I grinned eagerly as a thought struck me. "Hey, come on, Tashigi, don't frown or anything! This is a good time, a happy time! You should be smiling!"

"Why?" Tashigi wheezed, leaning on me heavily. "Because we took that bastard down? That's… just my job…"

"Ah, come on now!" I grinned winningly. "If you love what you do, then you won't work a day in your life! But, ah, nah. I rather meant the fact that Zoro doesn't know how to do what you just did. Know what that means?"

Tashigi blinked blearily as she tried to force her synapses to fire. "Ah…?"

"It means…" I started to stride forward, dragging her with me. "That right now, and for approximately the next twenty-four hours, out of the two of you, you, Master Chief Petty Officer Tashigi, are a superior master of the blade in comparison to Roronoa Zoro. Now, ain't that just something to live for?"

The Marine woman stared at me in shock. "I—t-that—b-but—!? I-isn't Zo-Roronoa your crewmate?"

"Eh, fuck him, Zoro's a dick," I shrugged indifferently.

"HE DON'T RESPECT our AU-THORI-TAY!" Soundbite over-pronounced in a familiar drawl.

"Technically speaking, Zoro outranks the both of us, so he doesn't have to respect our 'au-thori-tay,'" I shot back. "But… still, you get the point, right?"

Tashigi was contemplatively silent for a moment before slowly nodding in agreement, energy flowing back into her form. "Yeah… yeah, you're right…" She chuckled grimly, in spite of the obvious pain that lanced through her features. "Fuck him."

Soundbite and I laughed eagerly. "That's the spirit!" I crowed. "Now then!" I slid out from under Tashigi and allowed her to support herself, clapping her on the back as I did so. "On your feet, Marine! This battle is only just getting started."

She swayed for a few seconds before managing to establish her balance. She took a tentative step forward, then another, and pretty soon she was ambling along at a good pace, if a bit wobbly. I kept my pace even with hers as we approached Rain Dinners, a silence between us that I would dare to call comfortable.

Well, aside from the fact that Tashigi was still bleeding onto the ground. Hopefully Smoker's unit had some medics on hand. I blinked as I ran that sentence through my head again, and glanced at Tashigi.

"Do you want to order some of your unit's medics to meet us at Rain Dinners?" I asked.

"WOULDN'T do her any good even if she WANTED TO," Soundbite frowned. "THEY'VE MOVED slightly too far for me to REACH THEM. SORRY."

Tashigi looked at the two of us, her expression unreadable. "…Thanks for the offer," she muttered before shaking her head firmly and plastering a confident expression on her face. "But it doesn't matter either way. I'm a Marine, we're made of sterner stuff than you pirates."

Soundbite and I shot her flat looks.

Tashigi adopted a look that was a tad too innocent. "What? It's just a fact. After all, I take a spear to my gut and I barely even cry out, you get punched once and you look like you're about to toss your lunch."

I would have been indignant if it was one of my crew saying that. But considering whose mouth it was coming out of, I decided to settle for waffling between 'impressed' and 'righteous fury'. "Oh-hoh, bite me, Marine bitch!" I grinned with as many teeth as I could muster. "You think that that cute little flesh-wound is impressive? Puh-lease, Zoro's eaten stab wounds to most of his body for dinner, and that was before he settled on having his chest sliced open for breakfast! He'd be able to take that without so much as flinching."

Tashigi accelerated her pace as she grit her jaw. "How typical of a criminal: defending their pride against any and all perceived threats! Are you sure you aren't overcompensating for something?"

"You started it, Marine bitch!" I shot back as I matched her step for step.

"Pirate bastard!"

"Jackboot-grade thug!"

"Lowlife scum-of-the-seas!"

We continued the volley of insults until we were within sight of Rain Dinners, both of us out of breath by that time. We paused our back-and-forth for a few seconds, glaring daggers at each other. I tried to keep it up… but in the end, I couldn't stop the grin spreading over my face, and if the way Tashigi was digging her fingers in her open wound was anything to go by, she was only just managing to keep her scowl in place.

"My, my, Officer, what a mouth on you!" I teased viciously. "What would Smoker say if he were to learn of it?"

"Not a word, Jeremiah, unless you want to see what color your innards are," Tashigi retorted.

That drew an honest wince from me. "Alright, alright, fair enough. Just, don't make a habit of calling me by my first name, alright? I much prefer to go by my family name."

That got Tashigi blinking at me in shock. "Wait, Jeremiah isn't your family name?"

I opened my mouth to respond with a dry 'obviously', but took a moment to reconsider. "…ah, I see your confusion. Yeah, naming conventions of my home are flipped. It was either Cross or some variation of 'Jeremiah', and none of them really appeal to me in any way, shape or form."

Tashigi made to respond…

SPLOOSH!

When we were both interrupted by a sound coming from Rain Dinners. We snapped our heads around… and were confronted with the sight of a massive cluster of air bubbles rising to the surface of the pool surrounding the casino. My heart skipped a beat.

"Please tell me that that wasn't their air," Tashigi whimpered.

"You really think we're that lucky!?" I snarled as I dashed towards the water, discarding my gauntlets and hopping forwards as I fought to do the same with my greaves.

Tashigi was running right alongside me, struggling her way out of her jacket and working Shigure's sheath out of her belt.

She and I were just about to toss aside Shigure and Soundbite, respectively, and jump in… just as my crewmates and her boss burst from the water, desperately gasping for air. I blinked, gaping slightly as I processed the sight, and then looked to Nami as she clambered onto the shore. "Looks like you managed to get out of there pretty well."

The navigator hacked up half a lungful of water before grinning cattily up at me, raising a hand and spinning around two thin rods of metal in her fingers. "Crocodile might be a criminal mastermind, but he is a cheap bastard when it comes to locks. A South Blue double-tumbler deadlock without any of the typical security features or precautions one might expect? Please. I almost felt insulted."

I stared at the lockpicks in awe before firmly planting my hands on her shoulders. "You beautiful, brilliant bitch. If I wasn't certain you and Sanji would kill me and you weren't one of my closest friends, I almost think I could bring myself kiss you."

Nami laughed as she chopped her hand down on my head with only enough force to give me a minor goose-egg, or half her strength for the uninitiated. "Good thing you can restrain yourself, you couldn't afford it in a lifetime!"

"Heh."

I snapped an incredulous glare at Smoker, or rather at the slight smirk Smoker was directing at me. "Oh, so that's what makes you laugh!?" I paused as I thought things over. "That makes waaay too much sense…"

"I've never seen him smile before," Tashigi said under her breath. Smoker's eyes fell on her, and the smirk was gone the next moment as his eyes fell on her bleeding gut.

"Don't worry, Tashigi already gutted Mr. 3 like a fish and left him intact enough for him to become Warden Magellan's problem," I reassured him hastily before glancing at Tashigi. "And considering the way she's been carrying on, I'm fairly certain it looks worse than it is."

Smoker was silent for a moment as he stared at Tashigi before taking out a pair of cigars from a no-doubt waterproof tin in his coat and starting to click a lighter before them. "Is that so?"

Tashigi nodded stiffly. "I… I think I might be holding in one or two folds of intestine, but apart from that, yes."

Smoker finally managed to achieve a flame, and he took in a breath of nicotine. "Good. In that case…" He blew out a hefty cloud of smoke. "On to business."

Zoro's sword clashed with the Marine's jutte the instant he drew it. I sighed in exasperation and made to tell them to stop acting like idiots, when I was instead confronted with a stupidly familiar blade coming to rest over my shoulder. "Seriously!?" I hissed indignantly.

"This is the first time I've said this to a pirate, Cross," Tashigi huffed painfully, "but I am sorry for this. I'm a Marine, you're a pirate. You're all under—"

"ENOUGH!"

"HOGEEZE!" I hissed fearfully as Shigure twitched towards my face on account of Tashigi flinching.

The source of the flinching was very obvious indeed: Vivi roaring furiously with more impotent rage and authority than I thought she had in her.

"Listen to me very carefully," she snarled in a tone of icy calm. "You will release Mister Jeremiah, and you will leave my friends alone, or I swear that I will do everything in my power to make you regret your actions for the rest of your miserable life, DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

Tashigi shivered as she obviously tried to discern what to do, but she thankfully withdrew her blade. "Ma'am, please—!"

"No, you will listen to me, Marine!" Vivi spat as she marched upon the wounded Marine and started jabbing her in the collar. "You have been hounding me and my friends from the very moment we set foot in this country, my country, and I am sick of it! I am giving you a direct order: stay away from the Straw Hat Pirates, or pay the consequences!"

"And who do you think you are, ordering my Officer around?" Smoker huffed, more lazily than anything else.

That was the wrong question to ask.

Vivi spun around and glared at the Marine, looming over him like an oncoming storm. "Who am I?" she hissed imperiously. "I am Princess Nefertari Vivi, daughter of Queen Nefertari Titi, now passed, and King Nefertari Cobra, heir to the Alabastan throne, twenty-third in the ancient and honorable line of Nefertari, and friend to Monkey D. Luffy and his crewmates, who are the sole reason that I have survived this long. Cross warned me about you, Smoker. He said that nothing short of the word of God would be able to convince you to give up your pursuit of justice once you got started. Well, guess what? I might not take pride in it, I might even be deeply ashamed of it at times, but for better or worse, the fact is that I am descended from one of the twenty gods who created this world, and I do have the power to match that claim. So! You will let us go, you will gather your troops and lead them to Alubarna so as to stop this revolution, YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY AND YOU WILL SHOW ME THE RESPECT I AM DUE, IS THAT CLEAR, CAPTAIN SMOKER?" she screamed, quivering with righteous fury.

Everyone, be they pirate or Marine, stared at her highness in awe.

"Holy shit, Vivi," I summarized flatly.

Tashigi was downright quaking in her boots by this point, the woman who had fearlessly cut down an assassin not an hour ago looking ripe to piss her pants. Smoker's external reaction was one of stoic calm, but I could see the sweat dripping from his temple, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't from the heat. After a few seconds, he slowly sheathed his jutte and turned his attention back to his subordinate.

"I suppose that it's for the better that we forego persecuting them for now; we have bigger things to worry about. This situation is worse than I could have imagined."

"No, it isn't."

Smoker shot a look at me. "Explain."

I shrugged matter-of-factly. "Simple: Nico Robin has never desired to revive the Ancient Weapons, and nothing Crocodile can say or do will break her. He lost the second she became his ace in the hole."

Smoker, along with most everyone else who heard me, gave me a quizzical look. Tashigi, for her part, took one look at the confusion on Smoker's face and paled.

"Who's Nico Robin?" Nami asked.

"You know her better as Miss All Sunday, the cocky bitch who met us after Whiskey Peak and who brought Vivi to Rain Dinners. Sorry about not warning you, by the way," I directed at the princess. "But it was better that you get in there somehow. And don't worry about Pell, for that matter. Zoans are tough sons of bitches, something as trivial as vertebral trauma won't cause him any lasting damage." That got a sigh of relief from her.

"What do you mean about Crocodile already having lost, Cross?" Smoker demanded.

I held up my finger. "Easy: Crocodile's ultimate goal, the whole reason he created Baroque Works and caused this rebellion, is to get his hands on Pluton. However, as Pluton is an Ancient Weapon, the only record telling where it is and how to activate it is recorded on a Poneglyph. Nico Robin is wanted by the World Government and was recruited by Crocodile because she is one of the only people, if not the only person on the face of the planet capable of reading Poneglyphs. However, where Crocodile fucked up is that he doesn't know how Nico Robin uses the Poneglyphs: she doesn't care about activating the Ancient Weapons, and she would sooner die than cooperate with him. As I said: he's already lost. The only question now is how much fallout he'll leave in his wake. That's what we need to stop. Simple, no?"

"At the risk of repeating myself, Cross… how the HELL do you know all of this?" Tashigi demanded incredulously. "And before you say it, I seriously doubt that your snail could get you that kind of knowledge!"

"I'd like to know that as well, Cross," Smoker huffed as he glared at me.

I smirked mysteriously. "Sorry, but that's for me to know, and you to agonize over. Buuut…" I grinned cheekily. "You two are damn decent Marines. If you were to, saaay, leave the Navy and—?"

"Not gonna happen," Smoker snorted.

"No way!"/ "Not a chance in hell!" Zoro and Tashigi chorused before proceeding to glare daggers at each other.

I spared a snicker at their reactions before shrugging helplessly. "Then I suppose that you'll have to settle for living in obscurity."

"So~RRY!" Soundbite sang eagerly.

"But!" I clapped my hands firmly. "I am afraid that we are digressing! There is still a revolution to be halted and a megalomaniacal asshole to be tossed into the deepest pits of Impel Down. So unless there's anything else," I jabbed my thumb over my shoulder, "what say we bounce?"

"Yeah!" Luffy whooped, throwing his fists up eagerly. "Let's go kick Crocodile's ass!"

Zoro kept his glare with up Tashigi for a moment longer before huffing and turning his gaze away. "Aye-aye, Captain."

"Chopper's waiting for us this way with a way to get to Alubarna, come on!" Sanji shouted, indicating us down one of Rainbase's wider roads.

"Hold it!" Smoker barked.

I hastily dug my feet into the ground, casting an aggravated glare over my shoulder at the Marine. "What part of 'revolution to be halted' did you not get!?" I demanded.

Smoker didn't respond as he looked me over, contemplating me before huffing out a cloud of smoke. "Back in Loguetown, you called me a 'decent' Marine, then said that that was a good thing because there are too many 'good' Marines in the world. What's the difference?"

I contemplated the question for a moment before deciding how to answer. "At its simplest… good Marines follow their rules to the letter and will sacrifice all for the sake of justice. Decent Marines, Marines like you… They sacrifice everything for the sake of all. Even justice, if it comes down to it."

The rest of the crew and Tashigi both looked between Smoker and I with expectant expressions as I said that. Smoker's eyes had widened the slightest amount in response to my answer, but beyond that his expression was unreadable. I waited…

"I see," he said at last. "And you honestly believe that the Navy has more good men than decent men?"

I gave him a sickly smile. "Honestly? As of this moment, I can name four decent Marines off the top of my head. Two are here, the other two are long dead. Mark my words, Smoker: you may not believe me now, but if everything goes the way Vivi wants and this country is saved, you're going to see the eight of us as more righteous than your bosses before we leave this country."

Smoker was silent for a moment longer before grunting noncommittally.

I took that as a good sign. "Now, unless anyone else has something they want to say?"

"Um…" Tashigi stepped forward hesitantly.

"GAH!" I winced as Vivi grabbed my ear and yanked. "Owowow, I swear I was kidding!"

"Don't TEMPT fate!" Soundbite chortled.

"I-I'll be fast, I swear!" Tashigi stated hastily before digging around in her jacket. "I-I wanted to give you…" she withdrew the cap she'd taken off of me and held it out, "this."

I blinked at the cap in surprise as I slowly took it from her. "Huh? But, I thought you said—!"

"In light of recent… developments…" Tashigi winced as she tightened the grip on her wound. "I… take back some of what I said earlier. I-In spite of the method through which you acquired it—!"

"FATALITY!" Soundbite sang.

"Inappropriate," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth.

The snail had the good graces to wince as he thought things over. "Point…"

"In spite of your methods," Tashigi pointedly repeated. "I-I think that Petty Officer Cannali wouldn't object to you keeping it."

I looked the hat over in awe as I processed the implications before slowly slipping it over my head. "I… thank you, Officer. A lot. I'll probably have to dye it to keep other pirates from attacking me on sight, but, ah… yeah, thanks."

"Cross!" Sanji barked from down the street. "We need to go! What happened to that urgency you had?"

"Ah, right!" I exclaimed, starting to run down the street. "Back to business! Thanks for the gift, Tashigi, or 'Marine pig-dog' as is more appropriate of our roles, but now I must go! It wouldn't do for a decent Marine like you to die in the madness!"

I got a few feet before I heard Tashigi call after me. "I never thought I'd say this Cross, but same to you! I'd rather handle good pirates like you myself!"

"HA!" I barked jovially. "That's where you're wrong, Tashigi! We're not good pirates! None of us are! Matter of fact, we're some of the worst pirates you'll ever see!"

Soundbite chose not to enhance the Officer's voice, so I didn't catch Tashigi's response to that, if she gave one, and I refocused on running as fast as I could to catch up with the rest of the crew. The fact that I actually succeeded was a testament to just how effective Zoro's training had been for me. Even if achieving the end still didn't make me like the means. We ran until we reached the edge of the city, and a large cloud of dust became visible, growing nearer every second.

"Giant Enemy Crab!" Soundbite exclaimed.

It wasn't long before the cloud's source revealed itself to be a… yeaaah, it was like Laboon all over again; while Scissors wasn't that titanic, I don't think I really braced myself to be ready for meeting a crab the size of a house. A big house. A big two-family house with a porch and a white-picket-fence yard.

"Hey, guys!" Chopper waved eagerly from atop Scissors' head.

"Hola, hombres! So you're Chopper and Eyelashes' amigos, eh? Nice to meet you all! Especially, the señoritas!"

I stared at the crab with a twitching eyelid for a moment before pinning Soundbite with a flat look. "You have absolutely no sense of decency, do you?"

"I ate its liver with a side of fava beans!" Soundbite cackled.

"Should have seen that coming…" I muttered under my breath before gesturing at Scissors. "Well, come on! Everyone on board the crustacean express, running nonstop to Alubarna!"

"CHOO CHOO!" the Baby Transponder Snail whooped.

We hastily clambered onto the crab's back, and Chopper snapped the makeshift reins he'd fashioned for Scissors. Just as the mega-fauna started the trek, however—

"INCOMING!" Soundbite hollered fearfully.

"NOT TODAY!" I shouted back, grabbing Vivi's shoulder and yanking her below the massive hook that came within inches of yanking her off of Scissors' back.

Vivi stared over her shoulder fearfully. "Thanks, Cross."

"Not even half a problem," I reassured her. I then proceeded to turn around and shout at the retreating skyline of Rainbase. "LOOKS LIKE YOU LOSE THIS TIME, SAND CRO—GACK!"

I was cut off by a large hand wrapping around my throat, and a very familiar and very furious visage materializing before me.

"I'll settle for the consolation prize," Crocodile snarled viciously as he constricted my windpipe.

"Grrgkh—!"

"LET GO OF MY COMMIE, YOU BASTARD!" Luffy howled, launching himself through Crocodile and forcing him to dissolve into sand and release me. Before any of us could react, Luffy tumbled onto the desert's sands, with Crocodile reforming less than a dozen feet before him.

I hacked and wheezed as I massaged my crushed throat. Holy shit had that been close. I'd probably been within moments of becoming a mummy! And I had no intention of sticking around to become one, either. "Mo—gagh!—MOVE! NOW, GO!"

"YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE, AMIGO!" Scissors concurred, tearing through the sands as fast as his legs could carry him.

"LUFFY!" Vivi desperately screamed back after our captain.

"GO ON WITHOUT ME, GUYS!" Luffy shouted back at us. "I CAN TAKE HIM!"

"KICK HIS ASS, LUFFY!" I called back after him. I watched one of my best friends and one of our worst enemies disappear into the distance for a second… until Zoro spun me around and held me up by my collar, glaring at me viciously.

I met his glare head-on with one of my own. "If you're going to say anything, go ahead and say it, but before you do, know this: I did nothing wrong and you know it."

Zoro ground his teeth furiously a moment longer before releasing me, allowing me to rub my throbbing body parts. "Is Luffy going to beat him?" he asked, still glaring at me.

I froze in my ministrations as I contemplated the question before slowly shaking my head. "Luffy… won't win…"

Zoro cursed furiously, Sanji bit through his cigarette, Usopp's jaw dropped in horror, Chopper looked to be on the verge of tears, Nami froze, Soundbite whimpered, and Vivi looked to be a moment away from breaking my nose again. All of them stared at me with varying levels of anger and horror.

"BUT!" I barked swiftly. "He will not die today either! Believe me, I hate this just as much as you guys do, but Luffy needs this fight to beat Crocodile! And even if I told Luffy how to beat Crocodile, he'd still need to fight him here to keep him from getting on our asses! Got it?"

Zoro stared at me silently for a moment before bowing his head. "You're certain?"

I nodded. "The rest of Baroque Works will say he died, and they'll have good reason to think it. But at the end of the day, Luffy's strong as hell and stubborn to boot. In a straight-up fight between him and the Reaper, who would you bet on?"

Zoro was silent for a moment longer before nodding slowly in agreement.

"That's what I thought. Now, then!" I clapped my hands decisively. "We're charging headlong into the middle of a revolution and are about to go up against…" I made a quick mental count. "Five to eight of the most dangerous assassins on this side of the Red Line, depending on how you count them. As it is, my lips are feeling a little loose. Show of hands: who wants some spoilers?"

The rest of the crew exchanged looks. Usopp, Chopper, Eyelashes and Vivi were the first ones to raise their hands (or hooves). Nami followed shortly afterwards, and perhaps just to show solidarity with the ladies, Sanji's hand raised a moment later. Zoro looked at his comrades before exhaling, and raising his own hand.

I allowed a bloodthirsty grin to split my lips.

"That's what I thought."