IALGWP 14
A/N: So I really don't know what I'm doing with this story anymore. I keep writing the chapters and getting bored, and then I come back to it and get into it again, and then repeat the cycle. :p So this is probably going to be the only chapter for another long period of time, so I'm going to keep the temporarily discontinued in the summary. This story has become something to write when I'm bored and don't know what else to do, so it doesn't get looked at a lot. Sorry for the people who were enjoying it, but my drive for it kind of vanished.
Although I do like this song, it's not one of my favorite by this band. I tried to find one that I liked better, but I felt that the lyrics worked best with what was happening in the story at this point.
Krwling by Linkin Park
XXX
Crawling in my skin
Without a sense of confidence
Consuming, confusing
Crawling in my skin
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Crawling in my skin
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Fear is how I fall
Confusing, confusing what is real
Confusing what is real
The next week I threw myself into working. I asked Buck for a couple extra shifts and though he seemed reluctant, he gave me some during the evening. But that wasn't the real kicker in my life at this point.
The bell chimed over the door, but I was too busy cleaning up tables to bother looking up until I felt hands on my shoulders.
"Hey, Mia." I smiled a little as I turned to find Soda standing behind me with Steve and Two-Bit sitting at the bar.
"Hey, Soda." I said as I dried the table. "You guys here for lunch or just to stop by?"
"A quick lunch would be great." He said as we walked over to the bar and I called into the kitchen for James to make a couple meals to go.
"So how's work goin'?" I asked as I cleaned the counter, although it was already spotless.
"Same old." Soda said as he leaned his elbow on the counter. "Girls everywhere, and plenty of cars in need of fixing." I smirked as I pulled Pepsi's out of the fridge behind me and passed them to a couple who came up to the cash register.
"I think the brakes in my truck are starting to go." I said as I leaned against the counter.
"I can look at it tonight. If you're coming over..." He seemed a little nervous about asking, and I smiled.
"Yea, I'll be over after work. Just gonna run over to Buck's to get changed." Soda nodded and I turned to get the food that James was passing through the window that looked into the kitchen. "Here you go, boys." I passed the food to them and got them all a drink.
"Thank goodness." Two-Bit said as he passed me some money.
"Yea, really. I thought I was about to be sick." Steve added as he too handed over money. I rolled my eyes as they walked out the door, leaving Soda and me alone at the counter.
"They drive me crazy sometimes." I muttered as he passed over the money to pay for his meal.
"Yea..." He said with a small smile, although his sentence trailed off into silence.
"I'll see you tonight then." I said quickly, trying to avoid the awkwardness that normally came with these strings of silence.
"Yea, tonight." He hesitated for a moment before leaning forward to kiss me on the cheek. He gave a slightly lopsided smile as he walked out with a wave. I returned it until he was gone, and then walked over to Buck's office that was tucked into the back of the bar.
"I'm taking a smoke break." I opened the door without knocking and called inside. I didn't wait for a response as I closed the door and walked out back, pulling my cigarette pack out, along with my lighter as I went.
I spent the day after we went to the club with the guys, effectively cutting off any communication that would have prepared me for what would happen the next day.
Evie and I had made plans to go out for lunch and window-shopping, so we met up in town at the little diner for a quick bite to eat before going off to look at the shops. Along the way, I'd gotten several death glares from girls that we'd passed.
"What is their problem?" I asked Evie after a group of 5 girls – who'd all looked ready to kill me – walked by.
"You seemed surprised. I'd have thought you would've been prepared for this." Evie said as we stopped to look at some shirts in the window of my favorite store.
"What are you talking about?" I asked as we walked in – I couldn't help it, it was my favorite store. Great clothes at cheap prices.
"How can you not know what I'm talking about?! Mia, it's all over town!" Evie said it like I was oblivious to something. She made it seem like the president was coming to town and I didn't know already. "Though I wish you'd told me about it before I found out from Rachel Turner."
"OK, what are you talking about?" I asked. Rachel Turner was known for being a gossip, so for Evie to be believing what she'd told her meant that she'd heard about it from other sources since than. "What is all over town?"
"You and Soda." She said. "Everyone's talking about you guys going out to one of the new clubs across town. They say you guys were getting pretty close and that you guys left really late – without the people you'd gone with." The look she was giving me said it all.
"Me? And Soda?" I barely managed to get the words out, and I looked around. There were a couple girls on the other side of the small store giving me dirty looks, and I started for the door, Evie following behind me. I stormed down the street, pushing people out of my way as I headed for my truck.
"Mia! Slow down! What is the bug deal?" I stopped short at the truck and leaned against the hood.
"The problem?! The problem is that no one in this town can keep to themselves! Oh my – Soda was right. It was only going to cause trouble."
"What? What are you going on about?" I looked around, not feeling like having more rumors going around about me having a fit, so I opened my door and motioned for Evie to get in on the passenger side.
"Soda took me out the other day." I started as we drove along the streets. "He didn't give me much of a choice since he left before I could protest it. I guess he didn't like seeing me crying and curled up in bed all the time."
"Probably reminded him of after Dally died." Evie said. "You did the same thing than and the guys were getting really worried." I sighed, feeling guilty that they'd been so worried about me when there had been so many other things to be worried about.
"Well anyway," I continued. "We went out to this club with Steve and Two-Bit across town. Everything was fine at the beginning of the evening. Two-Bit found a blonde, Steve met some friend of his, and Soda and I kept up with the drinking and the dancing. We were fine until..." My sentence dropped off, since the past week I'd spent working was for the purpose of not thinking about him. "Tim showed up with some friend of his. We kind of made eye contact and I came up with the idea to make him jealous."
"Jealous? You came up with the idea to make Tim Shepard jealous?" Evie asked. "Are you sure you dated the right Tim Shepard? Cause if you did, you wouldn't be trying to make him jealous because you'd know how bad an idea that would be." I rolled my eyes.
"I promise you, I did date the real Tim Shepard. There isn't a bigger idiot on this planet. But that isn't the point, I was drunk and didn't really know what I was thinking. But Soda went along with it anyway and after awhile Tim stormed out of the club."
"That must be what everyone is talking about. Whenever you and Soda started this "make Tim Shepard jealous" plan. You might want to straighten this rumor out." I started to nod, but stopped, an idea forming in my head that I instantly tried to squash. But it was formed already, and I was regretting the fact that during the time I'd spent in New York seemed to still be stuck in my mind. The quick mind to make plans had been my biggest asset back in the day, and I guess I still had it.
"I know that look." Evie said beside me as we pulled up to her street. "You have an idea brewing in that head of yours and it can't be good considering the conversation we were just having. Mia don't do it." I stopped outside her house and parked the truck. "Mia." Her tone warned me that she knew what I was up to, but she didn't think it was smart.
"I've got some stuff to do before I go to work. I asked Buck for a couple extra night shifts." Evie looked at me for a long moment before she sighed and got out.
"Just be careful, Mia. I don't want to see you get hurt." She closed the door and I watched her walk up the steps to her front door before I took off again.
My plan had been that if people thought Soda and I were dating, it would get back to Tim and I hoped that it would make his skin crawl. It'd taken me some time to convince Soda that it was worth a shot before he agreed. Now here we were, acting the parts of a perfect couple. It felt so strange to me since Soda had always been a close part of my life, but not this way.
The advantage to it though, Tim seemed to be keeping his distance. I hadn't seen him at all in the past week, which was what I wanted. I couldn't keep seeing him if I wanted to get him off my mind.
"Mia!" Buck's yelling cut off my thoughts and I jumped in surprise from where I'd been leaning against the side of the building. "Smoke breaks over! Hurry up, rush hour is coming." I looked down at my finished cigarette that I'd barely used and crushed it in the dirt. This was why I was drowning myself in everything else in my life that didn't involve Tim. He got stuck in my mind and distracted me. I needed him gone.
"Brakes are all good, Mia." Soda said as he inside the house, wiping his grease covered hands on a rag.
"Thanks, Soda." I said with a smile as I turned back to the stove where I was cooking pasta.
"No problem." He came to lean against the counter beside me, and silence filled the space. But there was something different about it, it didn't feel so strained.
"You wanna go to the drag races this weekend?" Soda asked after we'd stood in the silence for a moment. I turned to look at him, and I watched his face turn a slight shade of red. It seemed like a odd for him, Ponyboy was the one who normally turned red when he was embarrassed. "I mean, I know this isn't real, but I thought people might start to question it if they only saw us out once and that was it." I smiled as I took the pot off the burner and poured the water down the drain.
"Sounds like fun." I said. "It feels like forever since I've been to the track." Soda smiled too as I called the boys into the kitchen for food and the food got dished out.
"You know I don't like what you're doing." I dropped my head against the steering wheel as Evie and I sat at a red light. We were heading for the drive-in. It was strange for us to go without the guys, but she'd decided that we needed to have a girl night. I know realized that it was just a way to get me away from the guys so she could give me the talk that I'd seen coming since she figured out my plan.
"I know you don't." I said as I pressed down on the gas and we drove through the light. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop any time soon."
"Mia, you're just thinking about yourself." Evie snapped. I was taken by surprise at the tone in her voice. Evie was one of the most easy going people I knew. It'd been a long time since I'd heard her angry. "Have you even thought about Soda? You're putting him between you and Tim. Fine, I get that you're trying to get over him. He really messed up and I know how badly it's hurt you, even if you're not going to admit just how bad you are. I can tell. But now you've put Soda in the way of your problem. I know I don't know the details of what happened that night when you and Tim split, but from what I've heard around town, the both of you are walking around here like someone who's going to stab the first person who says the wrong word to you." I felt the anger that was bubbling just below the surface come up and slammed on the brakes so I could pull over to the curb.
"You don't know anything about what I've been going through!" I snapped. "You've always had Steve – although it's been rocky at times – you've always had him to run to! I on the other hand, have lost the one guy I could always run to, and then the guy I thought was going to be the one to help me get through that lose turned out to be a filthy druggie who's been hiding it from me ever since I got home from New York!" I threw open my door and jumped out, storming to the front of the truck where I paced for a moment before I got to the tire and gave it a swift kick.
"What are you talking about? Druggie?" I blinked, having not realized what I'd ranted in the truck. Shit. "Mia... What are you not telling me?" I bit my lip. I didn't want to have everyone knowing about what had happened between me and Tim. I'd told myself that Soda was the only one I was going to tell, but now I'd put myself in the position when I couldn't keep it to myself any longer.
"The night I broke up with Tim..." I started, trying to keep myself from crying. "I walked into the house to find him splitting up bags of drugs with a couple guys." I looked up at the sky, trying to tilt the tears back. "We fought worse than anything. The past couple of months has been hard, we'd been fighting and ignoring each other for a couple days at a time since early spring. But this... this was the worst." I sighed and leaned back against the hood. "I just jumped in the truck and drove away. I ended up at Soda's and told him. He was ready to go punch Tim out but I stopped him and made him promise not to tell anyone because I knew how the rest of the boys would react. There was no way I would have been able to stop all of them. And so, he just... he just didn't want to see me so upset so, he took me out to the club and Tim was there and I didn't know what to feel and then I thought about making him jealous and Soda... he didn't want to but I convinced him and Tim... he was outside the club and we had this confrontation and then Soda took me home and I just..." I tried to catch my breath, feeling myself start to hyperventilate. Evie pulled me to the curb and we sat down. I felt the tears spill from my eyes. "I put so much trust into him." I whispered and then let out a laugh. "You'd think by this point I'd be done with putting my trust into the wrong people." I got up from the curb and walked over to the truck. Digging under my seat, I pulled out the spare bottle of rum that I kept there and popped the top.
"Mia, this isn't the answer." Evie said as she came over to the side of the truck where I was leaning, drinking and starring out across the open lot that was on the other side of the street. I could see the top of the movie screen, I couldn't tell what it was playing and there was no sound, but I didn't care. There was no way I was spending the night watching some cheep movie.
"This," I held the bottle up. "Is always an answer."
"You know that's not what I mean." She said. "I'm talking about how you're going about trying to forget about Tim. Not like you could actually forget about him here in town, you guys are going to be well talked about for awhile. No one ever thought you two would end up together." I rolled my eyes. I'd heard this story before, heck, I'd figured it out pretty quick what was going to happen when news got out that Tim and I were together. "But Mia, dragging Soda into this isn't the answer. You must -"
"I must what?!" I snapped. "Evie, I know you're just trying to help. But there isn't much that you can do." I sighed and took another drink. "This is only temporary. I'm going to find another way for Tim to become the smallest part of my life." I put the cap back on the bottle and turned to the truck. "Come on, I don't feel like going to a movie tonight." We got back into the truck and I turned back towards home.
XXX
Friday night came and I climbed into the truck after cleaning up from work. It had been a rough day of dealing with rude customers and a family who thought it would be okay to take their sick kid out for food, only to have them throw up. I'd come home to Buck's feeling the need to throw something against the wall and watch it smash into pieces. It was a good thing that the drag races were tonight. The adrenaline would work wonders.
I'd thrown on a pair of short, tight shorts, a black crop top and my leather jacket. The nights cooled down from the heat of the day, and I'd probably need it later on, since the drag races went until after midnight most of the time.
"I'll see you later, Buck." I'd called as I pulled on my boots. I'd heard him call back something, but didn't catch it before I was out the door.
Now, as I pulled up in front of Soda's, I could feel my energy starting to heighten. I jumped out and started for the door, looking up at the sky I saw dark clouds starting to roll in.
They better hold off during the races. I thought as I opened the door to a wave of noise. Apparently everyone was coming to the track
"Hiya, Mia!" Two-Bit called cheerfully, and it wasn't hard to tell that he was already pretty drunk.
"Hey, Two. Y'all ready to go?"
"Yea, just let me grab a jacket." Soda said as he ran up the stairs. I watched him go, and then I heard footsteps outside. I turned to see Evie opening the door and she smiled when she saw me.
"Hey, I figured if you're getting dragged to this, I'd come along to keep you company." I smiled as Soda came back down the stairs and we started to pile into the vehicles. Darry was driving the truck with Ponyboy and Two-Bit, Steve and Evie were taking his car and Soda and I were going in my truck.
I pulled away from the curb and turned the truck towards the track.
"This should be fun." Soda said as we made the drive to the dirt road. "When was the last time we all went out like this?" I smirked as the pavement stopped and the truck bounced down onto the pothole filled dirt road.
"Long before Dally died." I said. "Like, way before. I don't even remember the last time we all went out." Soda chuckled and rolled down the window so the cooling night air could whip through the truck. We drove on in silence until we finally came to the dead end parking lot that ran along the side of the track. I managed to find a spot to park the truck and pulled in, shutting it off before hopping out. The rest of the boys pulled in a few spots over and we formed a group at the back of the truck.
"Alright," Darry said. "Do whatever you want, but it looks like some bad weather is coming, so if it starts to rain, don't go driving." He looked specifically at Soda and Steve, knowing that the two of them were the only ones who'd be stupid enough to do something like that. "If the weather holds up, meet back here at 10, and we'll decide who's ready to go and who wants to stay." Everyone nodded and split up. Two-Bit and Ponyboy went looking for food, Darry walked off to a group of guys who'd called to him when he'd gotten out of his truck, and Steve, Evie, Soda, and I went off towards the track where a couple guys were getting ready to race. I grabbed the box of beer I'd stashed in the space behind the truck seats and pulled out four bottles before passing them out. The boys were looking around, and a second later, they were off to look at someone's souped up car.
"Just a normal night at the track." Evie said as she popped the top off her bottle and took a swallow. "Nothing like it right?" I laughed and nodded before motioning to the fence that ran along the edge of the race track. We found an empty spot and hopped up to sit on the top bar. Steve and Soda came over a moment later and stood on the bottom bar, while leaning on the top beside us.
"Jarod is racing that blue one." Steve pointed over at the rusting blue car on the far left. I couldn't imagine that it would run well enough to win a drag race, but as I learned from past races, the worst the car looked, the better that chances it would win. Simply because the guy who drove it put more money into the engine and everything else, rather than a nice paint job.
"Isn't he the guy who crashed all those cars the last time we came?" Evie asked as she finished off her drink and passed it to Steve so he could set it down on the ground.
"Yea, man was he drunk!" Steve and Soda laughed as they started in on how badly this Jarod guy had messed up on his last race, and I zoned them out as I watched some guy walk out in front of the four cars that were behind the makeshift starting line. He was holding a gun in his hand, and held it to the sky as the cars started up. When the gun went off, the guy dashed out of the way as tires squealed and dust flew everywhere as the cars took off down the track.
The drag race track was almost a mile and a half long, it made a big loop around the outside of an old field that had once belonged to some guy who'd processed most of the meat that went into the stores throughout Tulsa. But after he died, his oldest son - who'd been 25 at the time - basically handed it over to the teens on our side of town and told them that they could do what they wanted with it - as long as he didn't get in any trouble for it. This was the place that the Socs never even bother to step foot into, because they'd have hell to pay if they did. The drag race track was our safe place, the one place where all Greasers would get together and forget about their fights between each other, our fights with the Socs, everything. We'd all just get really drunk and enjoy the night.
The cars came back around the track and there was hollering and cheering as Jarod's car sped past the other three and crossed the finish/start line.
"I knew he'd win." Steve said. He jumped from the fence. "I'm going to collect my money. Coming Soda?" Soda looked at me and I nodded towards where the bets were normally placed.
"I'm not going anywhere." I said with a smile, and Soda smiled back before following Steve.
"How long is this going to go on?" I looked at Evie. She raised an eyebrow and I turned to jump off the fence.
"You want another drink?" Evie sent me a look, but nodded and I went off to the truck to get more beer. But instead of grabbing a beer for me, I took the bottle of whiskey I'd stashed it. If I was going to get through this night, with Evie looking over my shoulder the whole time, I was going to need something stronger then beer.
Three hours later, half the whiskey was gone and I was feeling better. I was sitting on the fence between Evie and a girl I knew from around town who was here with her boyfriend.
"So Joey was like 'you don't know what you're doing!' and I was like 'really?' So I revved the engine and took off down the street." The three of us laughed and I nearly fell off the fence, but Soda came along and helped me get back seated properly.
"I think you're almost done." He said as I leaned forward. "You've drank all that yourself?" I held up the bottle and nodded.
"All by my little self." I said and laughed before nearly falling off the fence again. Soda caught me this time and gave me a half smile.
"Alright, just stay sober enough for my race." I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"OK, I'm sober enough to watch you beat your opponents asses." Soda laughed as he set me on my feet.
"Thanks. I'll see you after the race." He dropped a kiss on the top of my head. I smiled and watched as he and Steve walked over to the car I assumed Soda was going to be driving.
"I wonder who he's racing against." Evie said as she looked at the group of guys huddling around the cars getting ready to race. I was wondering the same thing until I saw Tim walk up to the car closest to the fence I was leaning against and leaned against the open driver's side door and talked to the guy leaning against the hood.
"Oh shit." I breathed and tipped back the bottle in my hand.
"Mia..." Evie's tone was a warning. For what? Who knew. Could have been a number of things. But I wasn't paying attention. I set the bottle down by the fence post and made my way over to where Soda was standing by the driver's door. I wasn't drunk enough that I couldn't walk a straight line, but I must have been drunk enough to think that this was going to be a good idea.
Soda looked up and saw me walking, and I watched as he raised an eyebrow as I walked around the car and stop by his side.
"Hey." He said slowly as I wrapped my arms around his waist and he dropped one arm over my shoulders.
"Hey." I said with a smile. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Tim glancing over at us. "How long until this starts?" Soda turned to a guy standing by the hood and asked him.
"A minute or two." He said as he turned back to me. "You should probably get back to the fence." I nodded and made sure Tim was watching when I pulled Soda's face closer and crashed our lips together. I heard people cat calling and whistling around us, but I let them fade out as I kissed him.
I pulled away with a pop and smiled as Soda starred at me, slightly stunned, while he tried to catch his breath.
"What was that for?" He asked and I smiled before kissing his cheek.
"Good luck." I said and walked off to the fence. As I passed Tim's car, I saw him watching me, and smirked.
"Mia, are any of your ideas ever going to be good ones?" Evie asked as I got back up on the fence.
"Naw. Good ideas are no fun." I smirked as I chugged back more whiskey and watched all the driver's pile into their cars.
Rain started to fall, just as the guy with the gun shot into the sky.
I watched as the cars kicked up dust and shot off from the start line, as the rain quickly turned from a light drizzle to pouring down. Most people ran for some shelter, but I stayed on the fence with Steve, and watched as the cars took their first corner. Soda and Tim were out front, and I crossed my fingers that Soda would whip out in front soon and beat him.
The track got muddy along the backside, and I watched a car skid and almost lose control as they came up to second corner. Tim and Soda were staying side by side the whole time, and by the time they were coming towards the finish line, it was impossible to see who'd win.
The few people who were braving the weather were all by the fence, watching as the cars came whizzing past the line, and everyone ran towards the track.
"It's hard to tell." The guy who'd been standing by finish line to see who'd crossed first was saying as Steve and I came up to the crowd.
"It was clearly Shepard." Some guy said.
"No way." I interjected as I pushed through the crowd to the guy who'd spoken. "Shepard was close, but you couldn't have missed the back end of his car being farther back than the one Soda was driving."
"Well, ain't you cute?" I turned to see Tim walking towards the crowd from where he'd managed to skid his car to a relatively clean stop in the mud from the pouring rain. "Sticking up for your boy, always were a sweet broad." I glared at him as I pushed my wet hair back over my shoulder.
"You're just a sore loser, Tim. Always have, always will." Tim smirked as he came to stand in front of me, staying back a meter and crossing his arms over his chest.
"I won, Baker. There ain't nothing you can do about it." His eyes told me to fight. To snap and make a scene, and if I wasn't so drunk, I probably wouldn't have given into what he wanted. But just as I opened my mouth to make a comment, a voice that sounded like nails down a chalkboard sounded from behind me.
"Timmy! I'm so glad you won!" I turned in time to see a flash of overly bleached blonde hair move past me to cling to Tim's arm.
Overdose of makeup, under dose of clothing, and hair that a bird would gladly build a nest in. Yup, Syliva really had a way of making her presence known with the whole bottle of perfume she poured on herself in the morning. Shit, just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse.
Sylvia turned to me, a smug look on her face. Here we go. Let the games begin.
"I guess you placed your bets on the wrong guy, Mia. Again" I smirked as I crossed my arms over my chest as shifted on my feet.
"No, see." I started as I looked at her. "I definitely made the right bet. I've learned that anything you bet on, or anything you want to have, is normally not worth my attention." I looked at Tim, who just glared at me, knowing what I was implying since Sylvia was hanging off his arm.
Sylvia was about to open her mouth again when Soda presses through to stand beside me.
"I think that's enough." He said and started to pull me back towards the parking lot. I was about to follow without a fight, when Sylvia commented.
"Never could fight for what you wanted, Mia. Always had to have a man do it for you." I froze and slowly turned around to face her. She was looking smug as she kept close to Tim, who almost seemed to be trying to get away from her.
"Come again?" I asked as I stepped forward. "Did you really just say that? Considering who's ended up in the hospital after the last you said that." The smug look slipped away a little before it came back and she stepped forward. She seemed taller than me simply because she liked to wear mile high heels, I hated her for it.
"I only went because Dally suggested it." She said, and paused for a moment as if she was thinking hard about something. "Didn't he leave you for me the day after that? Hum, clearly he liked me better than you, didn't he? He was always coming to me when he got tired of you." Her grin was evil. "Seems all your boys come to me when they get tired of you, doesn't it?" My vision blurred and before I knew what was happening, I'd pinned Sylvia down in the mud and was slamming my fist into her face.
Hands gripped my shoulders and pulled me back, while I fought them off, I kicked Sylvia in the side, just as Tim walked up to help her up.
"Calm down, Mia." Soda's voice said next to my ear. "We're going to get out of here." I took a deep breath and nodded, but before we left I turned to where Tim was keeping Sylvia from falling back onto the ground.
"The two of you are perfect for each other, I must say." I commented. Tim looked up at me, his eyes almost seemed to know what I was going to say, and was demanding me to keep quiet. But me being me, I wasn't willing to do that. "You're both lying, cheating assholes, who will never find anyone who is willing to put up with you for more than a second." I turned to Soda, who took my hand and guided me out of the crowd that had gathered, and over to the truck.
"I'll take you back to Buck's." He said as he got me into the passenger side of the truck and closed the door. I nodded and slumped in the seat.
As we drove, I felt numb. Tim had taken Sylvia to the drag race. Why? Had he known I was going to be there? He couldn't have. Considering the people who I'd told where the people I'd gone with, and who were more likely to run Tim over with a car, than to talk to him. So he'd taken Sylvia to the drag race. Not to make me jealous, but because he'd taken her for - what? A date? Sylvia didn't do dates. So that meant that he'd simply brought her so that he didn't have to go out of his way to pick her up later.
"Are you okay, Mia?" Soda asked as he pulled into Buck's yard and parked the truck.
"Yea." I said after pausing for a moment. "I just... I think it's time to give this up." I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry I put you through this, Soda. I shouldn't have put you between me and Tim. It wasn't rational." I stopped and took a deep breath. "I can't take being here anymore. Evie was right, if I want to get away from Tim, I have get away from Tulsa."
"Where are you going to go?" Soda asked. I bit my lip and rubbed the mud and blood from my hands.
"I don't know. I guess I'll have to figure it out." I turned and smiled at him. "You've been great, Soda. I don't know what I would have done without you lately." Soda smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek.
"Wherever you go, keep in touch." I nodded and opened the door, as did Soda, since he needed to walk home. I felt guilty for making him walk in the rain, but I couldn't drive him, but I also needed the truck so I could throw my bag in once I had it packed. I wasn't going to leave tonight, but I was going to make sure that I was ready to go in the morning.
"Alright then." Soda said as he turned up the collar of his shirt to keep the rain from dripping down his neck. "I guess I'll see you... whenever you decide to come back home." He gave me a sad smile over the hood of the truck. "Good luck." I smiled back.
"Thanks, Soda. Just do me one last favor. Don't tell the guys yet. I'll probably leave tomorrow and I don't want them coming around." His smile faded a little, but he nodded.
"Yea, no problem." He turned and headed off towards his house with a wave,, and I headed inside to start the task of packing the few things I'd need.
An hour later, I'd sorted through all my clothing and determined what was worth bringing and what could stay. I was lucky this time around though, since the last time I'd done this, all I'd been able to take was what could fit into a cheap little bag that I'd stolen from a thrift shop in the city. At least this time I had the truck, so I didn't need to stuff everything into one small bag. Though I couldn't load down the truck with junk either. I could only take what I needed.
I shoved a few last minute items into my duffel bag before dragging it down the stairs and out to the truck. It was still raining hard, and as I dashed back into the house. I shook out my hair.
I'd managed to pack everything I wanted into the bag, so the last thing to grab was my guitar. I never ever played it. Only a handful of times really since I got it when I was a kid, but it was the last present my mother had given me before she died. So it went wherever I went.
Light flooded the living room from outside, filtering through the rain that splattered the windowpane. I figure it was Buck, until I remembered that he'd said that he'd be out late tonight. So I took my switchblade out of my pocket and walked over to look out the window and see who it was.
God I hated that car.
There's something inside me
That pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control
I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real
Discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will, I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting
How I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence
I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure
XXX
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I felt like it was kind of a long one, but to cut it off anywhere else just didn't seem right.
Please review! Like please, please, please review! So many people seemed to read No Safe Place, and I'd love to know who's keeping up with this one, and how everyone thinks it's going so far. :)
~Stay Gold!
