IALGWP 15

A/N: Hey… Been awhile I guess. I was recently going over some old stories and realized I had this chapter finished and figured I post it. This will probably be the last one since I have the next one half written but I don't have the drive to finish it, but ya never know.

Anyway, enjoy!

Best I ever had by State of Shock

XXX

Now I know I messed up bad

You were the best I ever had

I let you down in the worst way

It hurts me every single day

I'm dying to let you know

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry

And ask for a second chance

Cause when it all comes down to the end

I could sure use a friend

So many things I would take back

You were the best I ever had

I don't blame you for hating me

I didn't mean to make you leave

You and I were living like a love song

I feel so bad, I feel so bad that you're gone

Now I know you're the only one that I want

I want you back, I want you

I could tell what she was thinking without even seeing her. She was pissed, and she had every reason in the world to be.

She'd really dug deep at the race track, saying that Sylvia and I were good for each other. If there was one thing a guy hated to hear, it was that he was good for a girl that half the town wanted nothing to do with half the time.

I don't know why I went to see her, I just did. I dropped Sylvia off at her house - why? Good question. Probably because I was already pretty drunk. I left her standing on the curb, as she tried to convince me that it was OK for me to come inside for a few minutes. Instead of going with her, I went to the only liquor store that was open at whatever time of night it was and bought a nice big bottle of whiskey. I was barely out of the store when I broke the seal around the cover and started chugging back the contents. Now it sat beside me, closing in on being half gone, and I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that this was a bad idea, that I was supposed to be staying away - for her sake, and mine. But I couldn't stay away.

I slowly opened the door and managed to make my way up the front steps without tripping. I was about to knock when the door swung open, and she stood there in front of me. The light from inside circled around her, and she looked to be glowing.

"What are you doing here, Tim?" Her tone was clipped. Her eyes closed off behind walls upon walls. Those walls that had taken so long to break down after Dally died were right back in place like they'd never left.

"Is it a crime to want to talk to you?" I said, and I was amazed at how sober I sounded... Maybe it was from drinking day and night, all the time. Being drunk just wasn't the same as it used to be.

"We have nothing to talk about." She snapped, and started to close the door, but I pushed my hand against it and sent it flying back open, sending her stumbling back a few steps as I entered the house, slamming it shut behind me. I didn't know where the anger suddenly bubbled up from, maybe it was from being told what to do with my life, maybe it was Mia's lack of patience to let me talk that was finally sending me over the edge. Whatever it was, it came on strong and ran all through me.

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" I snapped, and I watched as she froze. She stood with her back to me, one foot hovering over the first step of the stairs.

"Me?" She asked, her back still to me, but her head turned slightly to see me. When I didn't say anything she turned around fully. "You have no right to say that to me. I'm not the one who threw it all away." I snorted.

"I didn't do anything. You're the one who broke us up, not me." I didn't see her move closer, nor did I see her fist come flying at my face.

I stumbled back from the impact to my jaw, and I knew my eyes were wide with surprise as I starred at her.

"I'm not the one who was keeping secrets!" Her tone was no longer calm. It was raised and angry, and hurt. "I'm not the one who hide behinds gifts, and, and trips to the middle of the woods! I'm not the one who tried to make excuses, even when the truth was right there and no one could deny it!" Her hands flew to her hair and she pulled it back. It was wet from the rain, and I remembered how I use to always think she looked so hot when she'd stand out in the rain. Now, well, I don't know what to think of her now. "The whole time I've been home... Everything has been one big cover up." She sounds tired, like her short outburst drained her of all the energy she had left. She looks tired, and I see the start of tears in her eyes. "I thought things were going to be different. I thought... I thought I could finally have some peace in my life. You know, I wouldn't have cared about you getting caught for fighting or stealing or anything petty like that. I would have shrugged it off, same as I always did for Dally, because-"

"That's your problem, Mia." I snapped. "You compare everyone to Dallas. Everything he ever did, if someone does something the same, it gets compared to what he did. You can't go through life comparing people to him. He's dead, face it and move on. This - what I'm doing, that's moving forward. Mia, there's no money in taking parts from old wrecks anymore. There's no money in anything that we use to do anymore. To stay in the loop, means working with what the world wants. People want drugs, it's just the way the world works." Her lip curled up in a sneer, and I mentally crossed my fingers that the lie I'd been preparing for months now was good enough to keep her from question my real reasons.

"Life could never get so bad that drugs need to get involved. Trust me, Tim. I've see the situations that drugs can get people into, it can literally kill them. Whether it's the drug that kills them or their dealer because they can pay up. Tim, I've see what drugs do to people, I've seen good people go bad, seen them rot away to nothing because they felt that getting high was the only way they could make it through life. They had it worse than you, and by the end of it, they were telling me that it wasn't worth it. The drugs weren't worth dying for."

"I don't do drugs, Mia." The weariness that had settled in her voice was crossing over to mine. I didn't want to fight, I was so tired of fighting with her. I just wanted things to go back to the way they'd been before all our fights started. "I just sell them." She snorted and looked away.

"I've never heard of, nor seen, a dealer who doesn't take some of the goods for himself. Please forgive me if I don't believe you, but my trust in what you say has gone down the drain." I gritted my teeth.

"It is the truth!" I hissed out. "I have no need for the drugs other than for the money it brings in. That's the truth." Mia shook her head, tears slipping from her eyes as she looked at the ceiling and then at me.

"What could be so bad..." She stuttered. "That you need to get into drugs? Was it me? Because I don't remember-" I cut her off by coming to stand right in front of her. I gripped her arms tight and gave her a shake - not hard, but enough to make her stop.

"It wasn't you!" I growled. "It could never be you!" She let out a sob. I couldn't imagine what was going through her head. I figured I probably didn't want to know.

"Then why?" She asked. "What's happened that makes you think that drugs are going to solve your problems?" I opened my mouth to tell her. I almost spilled it all, simply because she asked. I could have told her everything in that one moment and hoped for all I was worth that she'd understand why I was doing this, and that she'd take me back. Because being this close to her, holding onto her, I realized that I couldn't take this separation much longer. She'd become the biggest part of my life, and not having her close was nearly killing me.

But then I remembered that telling her was risking her life, and mine. So I settled for more lies.

"I told you. It's the money. I need the money since ma is gone. The old man's unemployment money isn't enough. I need to bring in the extra to keep the house and everything paid up." She starred at me for a long moment before shaking her head and pulling herself from my grip. She turned and dashed up the stairs. "Mia!" I yelled after her and started up to the room she and Dally had shared.

I entered the doorway, just as she was gathering a small backpack of things and her guitar case. She turned and starred at me defiantly as I blocked her path.

"Where are you going?" I asked. I'd never seen her take the guitar anywhere. I remember her saying that it was the only thing she'd refused to leave behind in New York when she'd left. That whenever she moved around, it was the one thing she always kept with her. Which meant only one thing.

"Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you." She snapped, and shoved past me to the stairs. "Evie was right. I can't get over you when we live just streets away from each other in this tiny little town. I have to find somewhere else to be until I can stand to look at you. I don't know where I'm going, but it's going to be somewhere far away from here." I followed her down the stairs. I followed her to the door where she dropped her stuff to pull on her boots. I stood there and watched her until she stood back up and was about to take her stuff out the door, when I took the final strides to close the space between us and grabbed hold of her upper arm, and spun her around to face me.

Her eyes were wide, almost fearful and I knew where her mind was going. I knew, because as a kid, I knew my eyes went like that whenever the old man made a grab for me. When I waited for the fist that came flying at my chest with as much force as it could provide. I wanted to ripe the look from her eyes, because how could she ever think I could do that to her.

I shoved her against the wall and crushed my mouth to hers. Desperate and sloppy, but the best feeling I'd felt in weeks... Months?... Maybe it was years.

She stood stiffly against the wall, not moving. Than her body slackened, her lips parted just slightly, and her hand gripped the hem of my ratty old T-shirt. My grip on her arm loosened, and her other hand came up to grip at my shoulder.

I pulled her closer, and felt the world drop away as she reach up to run her fingers through my rain drenched hair. As her lips parted more and she kissed back, it felt for a moment, like nothing had changed. Like I'd never screwed everything up, liked I'd never lost her to someone who'd always been right there, ready to take her in when I messed up.

But the moment was short. Like a light switch being turned off, and then flicking back on again. I heard her gasp and then she hands moved down to my chest where she pushed with all she had to get me away from her. It was all I could do to get that last second of being close to her before I couldn't take the shoving.

"Stop!" She finally gasped out. When I stumbled back a few steps, I looked at her as she stood against the wall, trying to catch her breath and give her brain the time it needed to catch up. "Oh god!" She grabbed her stuff and ran out the door. I ran after her and watched as she threw her stuff into the truck.

"Mia! Stop!" She spun around, and in the rain that seemed to be pouring down harder than it had been earlier, I couldn't tell whether it was the rain water or tears running down her face. "Just... Hear me out!"

"Here you out?!" She screamed. "Tim! You've screwed everything up! All you've done is screw everything up! I would've been fine if you'd stayed out of my life!" I flinched, because that stung. "I didn't need your help after Dally died! I could've gotten through it without you! All you've done is waste my time!" She made her way around the truck, and I followed her, stopping her from opening the driver's door.

"Please." I knew I was begging now. But I couldn't help it. Her leaving, just didn't feel right. "Please don't go. I swear I'll stay away, just... Don't leave. I- I'm sorry. Just, please. Stay." I couldn't protect her if she wasn't in town. I could, even if I couldn't be close, but not if she's somewhere where I'm not. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to her while she was away, because it'd be my fault. All of it is my fault anyway. I can barely live with myself as it is.

She starred up at me, and for a moment, I thought she was going to step away from the truck and head into the house. But she just shoved my hand away from the door and got inside. I stepped forward as she started it up, but before I could even hit the window to get her to look at me, she pulled away and mud spun out from under the tires as she pulled onto the main road and headed for the highway.

I almost thought about going after her, but the bottle of whiskey in the car seemed to be screaming for me to finish it, since clearly, I'd just lost the one person who I'd actually wanted to have in my life.

I don't know how long I spent in my car, watching the rain slide down the windshield, before another car pulled into the yard and someone got out. The figure was distorted, though I didn't really care. I'd finished the whiskey and found a bottle of Jack Daniels in the glove compartment. That was now almost gone in my hand, and I was having a hard time keeping my head up, and not falling over onto the steering wheel or something.

My door got yanked open, and before I could register much of anything, someone was pulling me out into the rain. Rain. Would it ever stop? All I'd ever be able to think about now when I saw rain was Mia. All I'd be able to think about wherever I went in town would be Mia. Even if she was gone, she'd put so many scratches and dents in this place, she'd never be far enough away. Man, I sounded like those guys out of the cheesy romance films they always play at the drive-in.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Shepard?!" I blinked rapidly to allow Buck's face to come into view. He looked angry... Maybe it'd been a bad idea to sit in the yard. "Answer me, damn it!" He shook me, and for a moment, I thought all the liquor I'd consumed in the past number of hours was going to come back up.

"I wanted to talk to Mia." I said numbly. I didn't have any energy left. It was all gone, having drained into the ground the moment Mia sped out of the yard, the promise of never coming home - at least not for a number of years - seemingly etched into the bumper of the truck. "But she left." Buck starred at me for a moment.

"What do you mean, left?" I shrugged and tipped back the bottle in my hand. It was a miracle that it hadn't dropped into the mud.

"I don't know, she wouldn't tell me." I said after the burn was gone. "All she said was that she was leaving town. Didn't sound like it was just for a weekend trip." Buck cursed under his breath and stepped away from me. I slumped back against the car, and let the continuous rain splash over me.

"You're really fucked in the head, Shepard." Buck snarled as he paced, seeming oblivious to the mud that was sticking to his boots... those were nice looking boots.

"Hit me than." It took me a moment to register what I'd said, and it seemed like Buck was having the same problem. Now, a sober me would have shut up, a half sober me would have done that too, but I was stoned out of my mind, and I just kept going. "I know I screwed up. It feels like that's all everyone wants to tell me. I know I messed her up bad, and made her cry and all that bullshit. So hit me. It'll make you feel better." I hadn't honestly expected him to hit me. But he did. Right in my stomach.

I doubled over, but Buck was there to catch me from falling to the ground. He straightened me up, and took another hit at my face. I slumped against the hood, and Buck left me there for a moment before he pulled me back up to face him.

"You're right." He said, and all I could do was look at him. I didn't feel the pain in my face yet, but I knew I would in the morning. "You have screwed up. You know what I think? I think she was the one good thing that has ever happened to you. She was good to you, Shepard, and you threw that away. I don't know why, because she won't tell me. She won't tell anyone why you two broke up, but I know that whatever caused it, wasn't her fault. She was hanging on too tight to whatever you two had to be the cause of you falling apart." His eyes were trying to bore holes in my skull, and all I could think was that she hadn't told anyone. Something like that, I'm surprised she hadn't spouted it to all the boys... That would explain when they didn't try to kill me at the Dingo that night I'd seen her out with all of them. When Soda had pulled her close... She'd told him. Now I knew where that hatred came from, I'd seen more in his eyes than in the faces of all the other guys. She must have only told him. Figures.

"... Pull your shit together." I zoned back into hear Buck. He gave me another shake. "I'd like to beat you with a meat cleaver right about now, because I've had to stand back and watch you tear Mia to shreds. But I'm not going to, and I'm not going to have to, because you're going to pull yourself back to whatever it is that made her happy, and you're going to go fix this." I blinked. What was he talking about? How was I going to fix this?

Buck sighed and let go of my shirt.

"You did make her happy." He said, and he sounded calmer now. "I don't think I've seen her that happy in years. Not since before her relationship with Dallas went mellower, and not so much that it relied on dates and going out together. It was a nice change." He glared at me. "You need to figure out how to get her back here. She's had a place to sleep and constant food for years. She's not ready to just pick up and go." I shook my head.

"I screwed up, Buck." I slurred. "There ain't no way I'll ever get back in her good graces. I don't even know where I'd start looking for her. She could go anywhere once she hit the highway. I'd be searching the whole of the United Sates for her. Hell! She may go to Canada, just to spite me and be as far away as she can possibly get." Buck shook his head and headed for the door.

"Then enjoy your life, Tim." He called over his shoulder. "Don't let me see you around this house, or anywhere near my bar. I'll beat you so bad, you'll think that you're old man was just giving you a slap across the face." The slamming door was the parting sound between us, and I took a long breath before I hauled myself back into the car.

As I drove back home, I made sure to keep well below the speed limit. The road was wet, and everything was blurring together. I managed to make it home without any issues and parked the car.

I stumbled out and up the stairs to the front door. The old man was standing in the living room when I nearly collapsed in the doorway.

"Watch your step, kid." It sounded harsh, but not as bad as usual.

I don't know what happened, but something in me snapped at that moment, and I did collapsed. I dropped down onto my hands and knees in the middle of the doorway to the living room. I almost threw up the contents of my stomach - which was down to an unhealthy amount of alcohol - but managed to hold it in. But I couldn't stop the tears.

I hadn't cried since I was a kid - a young kid at that. It'd been after the first few weeks of the old man beating up me and ma. I'd just decided that it wasn't worth crying over, and the tears had stopped. But this time, they didn't. They kept coming no matter what I tried to do.

As I kneeled there on the floor, gasping for air, I heard footsteps coming towards me and a pair of hands lifting me up under my arms. I knew the only person in the house was the old man, but there was no way it was him. He'd have just left me there, or kicked at me, calling me out for being too soft. Whoever was moving me from the floor didn't say a word, and their grip wasn't harsh.

They dumped me on the couch, and I thought I head the coffee table squeal in protest under someone's weight.

"Stop your cryin'." It was the old man's voice, but it couldn't be. I was in some wacked out dream, where everything was upside and backwards and just not real... Yeah. I still had Mia. She was just at Buck's for the night, too tired after a day of work to want to go out anywhere. I wasn't selling drugs, there weren't people after her, so I didn't need to protect her from them. Yeah, that sounded about right.

I think the tears stopped, but I wouldn't know. I passed out cold when the last thought ran through my head.

Yeah, right asshole. Keep dreaming. Mia's gone, and there's not one thing in the world that can fix what you've broken.

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry

And ask for a second chance

All I want to do is make it up to you

Cause when it all comes down to the end

I could sure use a friend

Now I'm here to say I'm sorry

And ask for a second chance

All I want to do is make it up to you

Cause when it all comes down to the end

You were the best I ever had

I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams

I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me

I feel so bad, I feel so bad

You were the best I ever had

I can't believe that I threw away all our dreams

I can't believe now that you're gone how much you mean to me

I feel so bad, I feel so bad

You were,

You were the best I ever had

XXX

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~Stay Gold!