Xomniac AN: Surprise, ladies and gents! We said we were on hiatus, but instead we're bringing you Chapter Thi—!
CV12Hornet AN: You thought it was Chapter 30, but it was really—
This Bites! The 1000th Review Spectacular!
Xomniac AN: Yeah, he's a Jojo fan, and I'm getting there too. Honestly, I wanted to title the chapter 'Chapter 30' to fuck with you all, but he was all 'down Satan, we're evil enough already', and honestly? He's right!
The Patient One AN: We're still not going to publish Chapter 30 before the appointed time, but you can thank Fan Fiction user animefan29 that we're putting aside finals studying long enough to provide this. We do hope you enjoy what this special provides. Oh, and for those who ask, this takes place after Alabasta, but before Jaya.
"Ah… this is the life…" I sighed as I sat back in the crow's nest of the Merry.
"The King and his men stole the queen from her bed, and bound her in her bones," Soundbite sang contentedly in agreement. "The seas be ours, and by the powers; where we will, we'll roam."
I smiled as I shifted around and started to settle in; now that was one song I could definitely tolerate. Technically, I was supposed to be keeping a lookout for anything approaching, but really, Soundbite was a far better warning system than my own eyes. I was just his glorified carrier, and honestly, for once I was happy to have that title, seeing how it gave me an opportunity to just kick back and do nothing. Now, I just needed to close my eyes, relax, and hope that nothing came—
"HEY, CROSS!"
"AGH!"/"YEEEAAARGHNONONO!"
SPLASH!
I slowly poked my head out of the water next to the Merry and stared up at the crow's nest where I'd been perched before leaping out of it in shock, glaring cold daggers at my captain who was hanging off the side of said crow's nest and snickering as Soundbite did his level best to gnaw his index finger off.
"Whoops, sorry about that, Cross! Here, let me help!" Luffy shot his hand down, grabbed my collar and yanked me up to his eyesight, still wearing that stupid grin on his face. "Wow, you're really jumpy, huh?"
I stared at Luffy silently for a second before grabbing up Soundbite and returning him to my shoulder, where he joined me in glaring. We held the dark look for several seconds…
"Uh, Cross?" Luffy asked with a slightly uncomfortable look.
"You have ten seconds to start running," I calmly stated. "One… two…"
"TEN!" Soundbite barked.
I responded by whipping out my baton and taking a swing at Luffy's head, which he narrowly ducked under, releasing me and letting me fall back to the deck in the progress.
Rather than crash land like a hapless schmuck, I instead stuck a three-point landing and held the pose for a moment before slowly turning my glare up at Luffy. "You're not running yet. That is not wise."
Luffy stayed hanging off the crow's nest, sweating like a pig, for a long second before darting away.
"GET BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN!"
For the next minute or so, I did the Looney Tunes nice and proud as I chased Luffy around and around the deck of the Going Merry, swinging and swiping at the rubber moron as fiercely as could manage. Judging by how fast he was running and the fact that I actually did manage to leave a few sizeable lumps on him, I must have been really pissed off. I wouldn't know; a lot of that chase is one big blur.
In the end, the chase terminated with Luffy bolting into the dining area and me following him like a bat out of hell. I'd just managed to tackle him and was about to give him a nice and sound thwack…
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CROSS!"
When any anger I had abruptly dissolved into open-mouthed shock at what I saw when I got inside.
It was… well, honestly, it wasn't anything outlandish. I mean, it was a surprise birthday party for Pete's sake, completely normal! But that was exactly what made it fantastic. This stupidly ordinary occurrence, balloons, streamers, cake and all… really, I think it was the sight of Nico freaking Robin wearing a conical party hat that capped it all off.
All in all, for once, I was... flat-out speechless. There were just… no words. Or at least, few words. "I… what the… but…" I sputtered out weakly.
"I do believe we broke him," Robin sagely observed.
That served to at least kickstart the snark-subsection of my brain. "Your new accessory isn't really helping matters on that front, ice queen!" I blurted out before I knew what I was saying.
CLONK! "DON'T CALL ROBIN-DEAR AN ICE-QUEEN, SNAIL MAIL!"
An unwise move, considering the fact that Sanji was in the room.
"Oooow…" I groaned as I massaged my throbbing skull. "Well, she doesn't seem to be offended…" I grumbled out with a scowl before refocusing on the bigger picture. "And… a birthday party? For me!? But how did you even know that it was today!?"
"You said that it was at the end of the month when Daddy and Igaram gave you your Transceiver," Vivi explained with a chuckle. "We started planning it shortly after we left Alabasta. In light of all the…" She grimaced for a second before shaking her head. "Unpleasantness, we thought that it'd be nice for us to actually celebrate something for once!"
"And what bettah kind a' pawty is theyah than a supwize pawty?" Carue squawked eagerly with a toot of his party horn.
"As for Soundbite, we planned this all out and set it up while he was either asleep or distracted," Boss explained. "A bit complicated, but eh!" He gave his noisemaker a quick twirl. "Damn if it wasn't worth it!"
"But we set this all up and sent Luffy to get you ten minutes ago!" Nami planted her fists on her hips with a judging look. "What took you so long to get here? And why are you wet?"
Soundbite and I froze as we exchanged looks. "Ah…"
"You two were falling asleep again, weren't you?" Lassoo stated more than asked.
"Shut it, mutt!" the snail and I barked in synch, but I swiftly recovered with a shaky grin. "But ah… seriously, you guys, this is… this is beyond above and beyond. Thank you… thank you so much, this means more to me than you can possibly imagine!"
"Psh, what, this!?" Usopp waved his arm at the room with a melodramatic sniff. "This is nothing! Why, I'll have you know that I once threw a party a hundred times larger than this, which was attended by a thousand people at once!"
"Wow, really!?" Chopper squealed eagerly before freezing and tapping his chin contemplatively. "Now, wait, that sounds bit unlikely… but maybe it's possible… with a big enough island, enough invitations, and properly hallucinogenic ink—!"
THWACK!
"OW!…thank you, Boss."
"Any time, Doc."
"But that's funny, Usopp. Syrup Village is a pretty small place, how could you have invited 1000 people when there aren't even 100 living there?" I asked cheekily.
"HEY! I'll have you know that our island had no fewer than 200 people on it, even after I left! Sure, most of them were spread out and only about fifty or so lived in Syrup Village…" Usopp trailed off hesitantly. "Wait, what am I saying, this isn't helping me…"
"Indignant reactions are such useful tools to make lies fall apart," Robin remarked.
"Ahem?" Zoro coughed. "As funny as it is to catch Usopp in a lie—"
"HEY!"
"We've still got a party to start, and I have training I want to get back to. So, if we could move things along?"
"Ooh, yeah, that sounds good!" Luffy snapped his head up eagerly. "I want cake!"
"I can get behind that motion!" I nodded eagerly, taking in the cake they'd set up on the table with glee. "Is that—?"
"Pure chocolate, minimal frosting, and what little is there is also chocolate and not too thick either," Sanji rattled off as he proudly took a drag from his cigarette. "Don't ask me how I knew, just thank me by enjoying every bite of it."
"HA!" I barked. "Now that I can agree with!" I wrung my hands eagerly as I eyed the 19 candles arranged on the cake. "Alright, what to wish for, what to wish for… half's already come true, half would ruin the good thing I've already got going…" I mulled over the wish for a moment before smiling vividly.
"Looks like he's got something in mind, huh?" Raphey smirked.
"Yeah, yeah, I think I do…" I breathed.
"THEN COME ON!" Soundbite snickered. "Make it official!"
Nodding in agreement, I took a deep breath and blew as hard as I could on the candles. I smiled as I watched the smoke waft away, basking in the cheers and applause of my friends, almost family by now…
SPLAT!
Aaaand then I blinked in stunned confusion as a chunk of chocolate hit me dead in the face, on account of a freaking person dropping out of thin air and smack dab into the middle of my cake.
There was a brief moment of silence as everyone tried to process the event, which was ultimately broken by Nami wiping the chocolate off of her face and giving me a look. "Cross… I want you to know, in no uncertain terms, that there is absolutely no version of this where this isn't your fault."
"…Nami," I finally spoke. "I want you to know… I totally agree with you."
-o-
One relatively fast clean-up and cake-salvaging later (it was either that or let Sanji pummel our 'guest' to death… or me, for that matter!) and we were all standing around the table, where we'd laid out our mysterious and yet-K.O. interloper.
Robin started things off by slowly walking around the perimeter of the table, examining the guy's body before glancing up at me. "You have… unique tastes, Mister Jeremiah."
"Watch it, Demon Child," I shot back frigidly.
"I do mind being called that," she replied with equal coldness.
"Good, then I'd say we're around even," I grit out, though as cold as my tone was, it certainly didn't mean that she was wrong. Er, about the uniqueness of this whole affair I mean, not—! Oh, forget it.
Anyway, the outfit worn by the person laid out on the table was about as unique as it got out here on the Grand Line. The guy was wearing a pitch-black hooded trenchcoat and jeans, which were emblazoned with crimson flames at regular intervals, as well as metal-plated boots. A number of rough red-outlined black arrows spread out across the guy's shirt, depicting the symbol for Chaos, of all things. Oddly enough, the guy's hands were wrapped in bandages, and going by the way they extended up his wrist, they most likely encompassed his arms.
Oddest of all was the man's head: his face was completely obscured by a mess of thick gauze bandages, wound in a very Invisible-Man-esque style that gave the stranger a slight 'Slenderman' vibe. How he could see was beyond any of us. We couldn't even determine what kind of hair the man had, due to the fact that his trenchcoat's hood stayed firmly in place around his head.
"Sooo…" Boss hummed as he looked the guy over. "I'll admit, I'm not all that savvy on how you pirates and surface-dwellers do things, but I'm assuming nothing about this situation is normal, is it?"
"Yeah, no, I have absolutely no clue," I shook my head in denial, glancing at Zoro and Nami in the process. Judging by the ways they stiffened and redoubled their focus on the guy, they got the message loud and clear.
"Chopper, is there something wrong with him?" Vivi asked in concern.
The human-reindeer looked up from the man, who he'd been giving a cursory exam, at least, as much as he could. Seriously, the guy had his clothes on tight, the bandages especially, and we weren't quite at the point where we wanted to go as far as cutting them off yet. "Aside from a few anomalies that I really want to look into at the soonest possible convenience? No, absolutely nothing. This man appears to be in peak physical condition. The only reason I can think of for him to not be moving or reacting is that—!"
At that instant, a sound very much like an unholy combination of a wood chipper and a dying pig echoed throughout the room… originating from the guy's mouth.
Chopper's eye twitched viciously, and it had nothing to do with an IQ boost. "He's asleep."
Soundbite blinked and tilted his head in confusion. "Am I the only ONE GETTING a sense of DÉJÀ VU? SOMETHING ABOUT HIM is... FAMILIAR..."
"Well, now that you mention it…" Lassoo huffed as he sniffed at the air.
"Oh, I'm not the only one?" Chopper sighed in relief. "That's good, because I noticed a few things—"
"Hey, anyone else wanna see what's under the bandages?" Luffy cut in eagerly, reaching for the medical fabric in question. "Maybe it's really cool!"
"Whoa, watch it, Luffy!" I stepped up to him hastily. "If I know one thing about strangers wearing disguises—and comic books have taught me a lot—it's that they don't react well to anyone touching their—!"
Unfortunately, Luffy chose just that moment to poke at the edge of the man's bandages, prompting his arm to shoot up and grab my freaking throat!
"Masks!" I wheezed out, yanking at his fingers in panic. Holy hell, what were they made of, pure steel!?
The rest of the crew made to intervene…
"Αγγίξει και πάλι και εγώ θα επανακαλωδίωναν έντερα σας!
But were promptly frozen by the vicious hiss that the guy let out. And I couldn't blame them, either. Because while I had no idea what the guy said, nor did I suspect that most of the crew did either, we all sure as hell recognized his voice!
"What…" Nami started.
"The…" Sanji continued.
"Hell!?" Zoro finished incredulously.
"CROSS!?" Soundbite belted out.
I, meanwhile, was too busy turning blue from the hand around my throat. Thankfully, it eased up enough that I could breathe and start thinking again. Or, as much as I could think with 'What the fuck!' running through my head on a loop.
Whoever this was didn't say anything for a long minute. He just stared, and stared, and—
"OH, COME ON! WE'VE DONE THIS GAG ALREADY!"
Apparently that managed to snap, well, me out of whatever the hell I—he had been doing, because I—he let me—me go, snapping his head around the room in shock. "What the—? Where am—!? And what are you—!? Wait… are we on the Going Merry!?"
The sheer shock of the situation left everyone—even Robin and Soundbite—stunned for the moment. The bandaged-up me took in the sights around him before ramming his elbow into the tabletop, hard, and letting out a hiss of pain.
"OK, so I'm not dreaming… probably… so, does that mean I'm back in time or something?"
"Back in time?" several people repeated.
"Let's see…" I—HE, DAMN IT!—scratched his chin thoughtfully. "We're on the Merry… Boss is here… hmm."
He glanced at me.
"Have you met the monkeys yet?" he asked.
I frowned in confusion before blinking as I realized what he meant. "Uh, no. And… how far ahead are you from?"
He shot his finger up, then slowly lowered it with a slooow tilt to his head. "…wouldn't you all like to know."
I slapped myself—me myself. "Oh, come on, would I really be that cruel to myself?" I paused before sagging. "Yes. Yes, I would." I then proceeded to grin eagerly. "That means you're really me!"
"I'm really you!" He threw his hands up in agreement.
We slapped our hands together in synch. "BOOYAH!"
"Oh my God, there are two of them," Nami groaned, burying her face in her hands.
"I wonder if there are two Soundbites, too," Robin mused, which prompted Usopp to stiffen.
"Nope, sorry, no Soundbite," Future Me answered, prompting Usopp to sigh in relief and Luffy to let out an "Aww!" of disappointment.
"WHAT?! Wh-wh-what… d-did I—?"
"Oh, don't worry, you're still alive and uncooked," Future Me waved dismissively. He then grabbed his chin and tilted his head thoughtfully. "But how did I get here, we wonder?"
"We wonder indeed…" I nodded in solemn agreement. "Random Grand Line madness?"
"Possible, but I seriously doubt it in this case," he replied thoughtfully. "Paradise is capable of some crazy shit, sure, but time-space fuckery… I dunno, that sounds more like the New World to me…"
"Yeah, fair point…" I conceded reluctantly.
Silence fell for a moment before I grimaced as the answer came to me, and I could practically see the same expression on Future Me's face. "B.R.O.B.," we snarled together, making everyone in the room sans Robin, Carue, and the Dugongs tense up.
And as a clear confirmation, a piece of paper materialized on top of my other self's head. He took it and read it… how, I don't know. Then he read it aloud: "'I said don't expect any more favors, but I figured granting this wish for a little while would be entertaining enough. Have fun playing with yourself, as well entertaining your guests. B.R.O.B.' You know, I really have to wonder how I feel about that thing at this point…"
"Wait, so this wasn't your birthday wish, too?" I asked.
"Wait, you wished for future you?!" Future Me started in confusion.
"No, I wished for—ah…" I trailed off uncomfortably. "Just… it's personal, alright? And twisted to hell and back and we are going to need to have an honest talk later, alright?"
He shrugged. "Fair enough. So… now what? Luffy probably won't want me to answer any questions you guys have about what's going to happen—"
"Probably not, but could you at least explain why your face is covered up like that?" Zoro posed.
"And how you're able to see and hear through it?" Nami added.
"And why you tried to crush my trachea, now that they mention it!" I tacked on.
"And why you spoke Greek earlier?" Vivi contributed, her tone much more worried.
That drew all of our attention to her, while bandaged me looked away and whistled innocently.
"What did Jeremiah Sr. say, Princess Nefertari?" Robin questioned.
"Rough translation?" Vivi grabbed herself and shivered. "'Touch it and I'll rewire your intestines.'"
I and everyone else slowly turned back to my other self. "…Hot damn, I dude," I breathed before cocking an eyebrow. "So… I got badass, huh?"
THWACK!
"THAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK AFTER YOU ALMOST KILLED YOURSELF?" Nami roared as she rapped her fist over my skull.
"Owwww…" I whined petulantly.
"They have a point," Future Me stated. "It was not a fun process, becoming this badass. Though really, you guys should stop hitting Cross like that."
Nami froze. "Uh… why?" she wondered, her voice strained.
Despite the bandages, we all got the sense that Future Me was grinning viciously before sticking up a finger and ticking it back and forth. "Spoi~lers~!" he sang tauntingly.
I shot him a wide-eyed look before crossing my arms. "Oh, hell, no, you're River Song-ing me?! Seriously!?"
"Heheh, it sucks to be on the other side, don't it?" he chuckled.
"I believe that you're still avoiding the other questions, Jeremiah Sr.," Robin remarked. The sense that he was smiling faded as he turned to look at Robin.
"…It's Cross, Robin," he stated firmly.
"If you say so, Jeremiah Sr.," she replied cheekily, only to have her smile fade as he turned to her; despite the bandages, his glare was almost palpable.
"Call. Me. Cross. I don't mind if you call Jeremiah Jeremiah—"
"Hey!" I snapped indignantly.
"Oh, calm down, Jeremiah," he scoffed, though still with a hint of smugness. "We have to have some way to distinguish us from each other, and this is the simplest way to do it. So, unless there are any further objections—?"
CL-CLICK!
He stiffened in a way that indicated a blink before slowly turning to stare down Lassoo's barrel. "…well, now."
"I will end you," I snarled darkly.
"…shouldn't you only be able to just barely carry him at this point?"
I grit my teeth and forced my knees to stop knocking from the weight. "Rage is both an anesthetic and a steroid."
He stared at me before shrugging nonchalantly. "Fine, no Jeremiah, then. But we can't both go by Cross right now, even if Robin does consent to calling one of us that."
I took a moment to appreciate the fact that he had grown used to the Robin of his time calling us Cross—and that was extremely comforting—before looking at the bandaged me in renewed exasperation. "Oh, come on, you've got to have earned a bounty by now, just use your epithet!" I barked.
He snickered before looking thoughtful. "Hmm… yeah, no. Spoilers and all that. BUT!" He hastily waved his hands when I shoved Lassoo at him. "That gives me an idea. Call me Wyvern."
A pause. "How'd you come up with that? You…" I tilted my head to stare at him thoughtfully as I dropped Lassoo. "Did you eat a Devil Fruit?"
"No, no," he waved his hand non-committally. "I haven't been pushed that far yet. At least, not when I had one of the rotten things handy, anyway. It's more of a reference to just how much of an impact the SBS has made. Since in my time it's caused about as much damage for the poor bastards in Marineford as the Revolutionaries have, I figured another name for Dragon would be appropriate."
"As much as the most wanted man in the world?" Robin breathed.
"… How high of a bounty are talking here?" Sanji asked carefully.
He looked around, and we got the distinct impression that he was grinning. "Let's just say… it's the highest in the crew, and leave it at that."
We took a second to process things before reacting in the appropriate manner.
"… What."
"HOLY CRAP, HE GOT A BOUNTY HIGHER THAN LUFFY'S?!"
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EVEN DO, CROSS?!"
"Spoilers, spoilers, spo~ilers~" Wyvern sang.
I opened my mouth to snarl a reply, only for Soundbite to interrupt.
"SHIP INCOMING!" he announced. "And not friendly, either."
"What makes you say that, Soundbite?" Usopp asked nervously.
There was a whistling sound from outside the cabin, followed up by a loud explosion.
"Take a WILD GUESS."
We immediately all scrambled outside, Wyvern included, taking in the sight of a medium-sized galleon about half a mile to the righ—starboard. One of the cannons was smoking, and we could still see the froth from where the cannonball had smashed into the water. The oddest thing, though, was the complete lack of a Jolly Roger or any sort of Marine symbol.
"Alright, so who are these asshats?" Zoro growled.
"I think…" Nami muttered as she pulled out her spyglass and held it up to her eye. "Yup. Bounty hunters. Definitely not Marines, and too disciplined for pirates. Soundbite, could you—"
"I DON'T WANNA," Soundbite whined petulantly, before hastily changing his tune when Nami grabbed his eyestalks. "ANYTHING FOR YOU, Nami dear!…bitch…" He tacked the last one on under his breath once she let go.
We waited expectantly as Soundbite zeroed in on the voices of the bounty hunters. And then…
"—a great day, men! For today, we rescue the Princess Vivi from her pirate captors!"
"Pirates kidnapped Vivi?!" Luffy demanded. "Who did that?"
"We're the pirates who kidnapped her, dumbass."
"Oh, right," Luffy nodded, before going right back to peeved. "Hey, we didn't kidnap her!"
"Clearly, some people didn't get the memo," Vivi ground out through gritted teeth. "Soundbite? Gastro-Amp, please."
"Roger-roger, YOU'RE LIVE."
"Excuse me?" Vivi called to the boat, forcing her voice to be calm. "You must be mistaken. Due to the bounty on my head, I've joined the Straw Hat Pirates. I'm here of my own free will."
Soundbite was silent for a moment, then his face morphed into a smug grin. "Nice try, pirates, but we know about your ventriloquist snail! You're not going to fool us with a little voice-changing! Men, load the cannons!"
We only just managed to duck under the barrage of cannonballs they sent over our heads. "What the hell is their malfunction!?" Raphey demanded incredulously.
Wyvern looked scrutinizingly (I think) at the ship before sighing and hanging his head. "Yeah, I was afraid of that. The Bleeding Heart Bounty Hunters. Some of the absolute stupidest headcases I've ever had the displeasure of interacting with. If you guys could sink them early, I would be very much in your debt."
"Indebted to your friends… retroactively," I clarified flatly.
"It's not good time travel if your head doesn't hurt, eh?" Wyvern appeared to smirk.
"No, no, not those cannons, you morons!" came the voice over the Soundbite's speakers. "If we sink that ship, we risk killing the princess! Load the other cannons, dammit!"
"Uh, guys?" Nami said nervously. "They're wheeling these new cannons onto the deck, and those are some very large muzzles."
"Oh, right, it's this trick," Wyvern noted. "Damn, is this annoying."
"Quit it with the cryptic bullshit and just give us a straight—" Boss snarled, before being cut off as the new cannons fired. "Answer."
"Incoming!" Usopp and Carue howled, throwing themselves to the deck in a panic.
"Ah, calm down," Wyvern admonished. "Those cannons don't fire cannonballs."
We all looked up to see eight shapes flying through the air towards us. Eight rather humanoid shapes.
"They fire people."
Eight bounty hunters slammed to the deck of the Merry, the metal shells they were encased in splitting apart on impact. All eight immediately drew swords and pistols, ready to attack.
"Really?" Zoro groused, grabbing his swords. "I could clean up these Mooks in ten seconds flat."
"You've been spending too much time with me if you're using that comparison, Zoro," I muttered.
"I told you already, I'm here of my own free will! Just leave us alone!" Vivi pleaded, equal parts desperate and irate.
"Don't worry, Princess, we understand that you're not in a position to say how you really feel," one of the men said gently. "We'll get you out of here and get you back home."
"Like I said, they're stupid," Wyvern said. "Every bit the stubborn, ignorant 'all pirates are evil' stance that Nami had before she joined, while also not trusting the World Government, while also adopting their 'tar them with the same brush' attitude. The doublethink is actually kind of impressive."
"… So, they don't believe my talk on the SBS about why I left… but they don't believe the World Government's report that I committed treason, either?" Vivi asked, thoroughly confused.
"Of course not, your highness," another man said, grinning kindly at her. "We can see the truth easily: we know you would never go against the World Government, and you would never willingly work with pirates. Ergo, they kidnapped you." The bounty hunter sighed explosively. "And it's become clear that we may have a case of brainwashing on our hands. Don't worry, princess, we know all about fixing that sort of—"
The bounty hunter suddenly cried out as Vivi's Peacock String Slashers hamstrung him, causing him to topple to the ground bleeding.
"P-Princess, why?" he cried in agony.
"Let me make one thing perfectly clear," she snarled, stepping forward, her Slashers hanging from her fingers. "I am here entirely of my own free will; now that I can't return to Alabasta, the Straw Hat Pirates are my home. I have no desire to leave this ship, and if I have to beat that notion into your thick skulls, then I will!"
The bounty hunters didn't move, didn't respond, and it became clear why a few seconds later when another eight of them landed on the deck. And though seven were more of the usual mooks, the last was… unusual. Standing quite literally head and shoulders above the rest of us, he was bald, well-muscled, and sported an impressive mustache and purple tattoo stripes running across his bald head. A short dagger was strapped to the belt of his pants, and a large hammer hung across his back. He honestly looked rather intimidating.
And then completely ruined the image by lighting up like a kid on Christmas at seeing Vivi.
"Princess Vivi!" he cried out. "Don't worry, we'll have you out of here and that brainwashing deprogrammed soon! Just sit tight and—"
"GAAAAAAAH!" Vivi howled, foregoing her Peacock Slashers in favor of leaping onto the apparent leader and trying to claw his face off. The mooks around him tried to attack, only for Sanji to leap into the fray, blocking them from getting to Vivi.
"Uh… shouldn't we do something?" Usopp wondered.
"When Vivi gets wike 'dat? Fat chance!" Carue scoffed. "Da wast time she got wike dis, da ashashin wath in twaction fo' weeks!"
"Besides, as much as I'd like to hit the crap-cook, Vivi's just a little too close in on the big guy," Zoro added, before glancing at Robin's serene expression. "Unless you'd like to do anything about it?"
"Mm, no thank you. Our dear princess seems to have things well in hand," she replied. "Shall I go get a snack while we watch, Captain?"
"Yeah, great idea!" Luffy agreed.
Beside us, Boss was nodding serenely at the scene before him. "And that, students, is why the greatest enemy of a master is not another master, but a complete novice."
"…So, you should have brought April after all?" Raphey posed innocently.
"I said a novice, not someone who has neither skill nor a desire to learn skill," Boss gruffly retorted.
"Plus, she wasn't even a Dugong," Leo deadpanned.
"Yeah, remind me again how you became friends with a—?" Mikey began.
"ENOUGH OF THIS! PRINCESS, WE WILL SAVE YOU!" the remaining hunters chorused, ignoring Sanji and leaping towards her, grabbing her limbs in an attempt to pry her off their leader, to no avail. Vivi continued to cling to the guy like a limpet. And, as it turned out, turning their backs on Sanji was a very bad idea.
"PARTY TABLE KICK COURSE!" he shouted, leaping over the bounty hunters and sweeping his heels over their heads. All of them went down like so many bowling pins, leaving just their leader remaining.
"I'll help you, princess!" Sanji cried. "MOUTON!"
I winced as the kick slammed into the big guy's midsection, causing him to double over clutching his gut, Vivi letting go as he slammed to the deck. She then followed it up by stomping repeatedly on his head.
"Uh, Vivi? I think he's unconscious," I pointed out.
"Good!" she shouted, giving his head one last stomp. Panting, she glanced back to us—and was suddenly aware of how large an audience she'd collected, going by the embarrassed blush on her face. "Uh, how much did you guys see?"
"ENOUGH TO BE TERRIFIED, yet still know we have blackmail MATERIAL!" Soundbite summarized.
"That was really cool!" Luffy called out between the drumsticks he was munching on.
Vivi promptly buried her face in her hands. "Kill me…" she groaned.
"Uh, hey guys? I just noticed… where's Wyvern?" Donny interrupted. We all jumped and looked around in confusion. As he'd said, the temporarily temporally displaced duplicate was nowhere in sight.
I frowned in confusion; being me, you'd think he would've had some sort of commentary on what had just happened, especially with the added experience he had.
"Snrk…"
We all turned to look at Nami, who was still watching the ship the bounty hunters had come in on with her spyglass. Except now her face was scrunched up in suppressed laughter.
"Uh, Nami?" Vivi asked, slightly desperately. "Where's Wyvern?"
Shaking, our navigator could only point to the ship, her spyglass falling to the deck as she bent over the railing. Usopp promptly picked it up, looked over—and then did a magnificent wild take.
"HOLY CRAP HE'S ON THEIR SHIP!" Usopp cried out. "AND HE'S KICKING NINE KINDS OF ASS!"
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Nami finally broke down laughing, clutching her gut in desperate need for air. "THEY'RE GETTING STOMPED ON! IT'S HILARIOUS!"
I practically ripped the spyglass out of Usopp's hands and held it up to my eye. Apparently, we'd missed most of the action, because the deck was absolutely littered with bodies that had been brutally K.O.'d, but it was really hard to mistake the cause of it all when Wyvern was standing in the middle of the deck, repeatedly slamming the face of a person twice his height and three times his bodyweight into the ship's main mast, only letting him go once his face was nice and tenderized. I stared at him, jaw dropped, as I observed the proof of exactly how strong I could—and would—become. That shock lasted for all of five seconds before I joined Nami in cackling.
"Sail us closer!" I shouted in joy. "I want to see this!"
"Wait!" Luffy interrupted. "I'm the captain here!" There was a pause, and then he nodded. "Everyone, sail us close to that ship!"
"Aye-aye, captain!" most of the crew shouted, scrambling to get the Merry turning.
As we got closer, I took another look through the spyglass. Wyvern had apparently decided that the pile of bodies he'd left on the deck made a good lounge chair, because he was sprawled on top of the pile.
"OK, seriously, Cross, how long did it take you to go from weaker than me to Monster Trio material?" Usopp demanded incredulously.
"Hey, I stopped being that weak after Kureha gave me those vitamins," Wyvern snapped. "And I'm nowhere near 'Monster Trio material'; the rest of the crew has grown stronger, too."
I sagged. "So, it's only after the T-S training session?" I groaned.
"Afraid so, Cross," Wyvern replied, after a moment to realize what I meant. "You're catching me right as the session is coming to an end. And it's been hard… but fun, and very rewarding. I'm pretty sure my bounty's going to skyrocket when things get going again."
There was a groan behind us, then a meaty thwack. The groan stopped.
"Anyway," Wyvern stated, standing up and then jumping over to the Merry. "For however long I'm going to be here… I'm not sure how much I'm willing to say and how much Luffy would want me to say, but—"
"At least tell me this, Wyvern," I said, dead serious. "Has anything I've done resulted in making things blow up worse than they were before? Anything… Nine Minutes-ish?"
"Oh, come on, Cross," Wyvern said, shaking his head in exasperation. "You know as well as I do that you'd have to be actively trying to make things that bad."
"Nine Minutes?" Luffy asked.
"Another day, Luffy," Wyvern and I chorused, before Wyvern continued. "But honestly, no. A few times, things have gone worse than expected because of us. It came close a couple of times, I'll admit, there are times where we've caused some screwups, but not more than you'd expect of the Straw Hat Pirates." I could tell he was smirking as he angled his head to glance at Luffy. "And certainly no more than our idiot of a captain."
"What?" the idiot in question asked.
"Spoilers!" Wyvern called out.
"Okay, then," came the reply from the Rubber Man, before he tilted his head in his usual thinking pose. "Hmm… if you're here, does that mean that it's your birthday, too?"
Wyvern stuck his finger up, then lowered it. "I… hadn't thought about that. I've been really wrapped up in things lately, so…"
"Wait, you mean that we didn't celebrate it with you!?" Usopp questioned incredulously.
"Future-us must be real jerks!" Chopper gasped in shock.
"I'm sure it's not that bad, Chopper," Vivi chuckled sheepishly before frowning. "Although they do raise a good point, Wyvern. Why didn't we celebrate it like we were doing today?"
"Uh…" the temporal doppleganger hedged sheepishly as he tugged at the collar of his jacket, jerking his head this way and that. "Well, you see, it's like, ah…"
"Circumstances beyond anything any of us could control, I'm sure," I said, and the finality in my voice was enough for most of the crew to drop it when Wyvern nodded in agreement, albeit a bit desperately.
"Fine, if that's the case, let me reiterate our initial question, which you've dodged up until now: why are you bandaged up like that?" Sanji asked.
Wyvern hesitated, only for Luffy's voice to cut in.
"That's not important right now!" Luffy crossed his arms firmly, before beaming eagerly. "What's important is that we restart Cross's party, only twice as big! Agreed?"
A few of the crew seemed exasperated that Wyvern had gotten another excuse not to answer, myself included, but that didn't last long before I grinned. "I like the sound of that. What do you think, Wyvern? Is a birthday party on your birthday in the past with your crew of the past going to be the weirdest thing that's happened to... I'm gonna go out on a limb and say us?"
"Not even in the top ten," Wyvern replied with a laugh as he crossed his arms behind his head. "But it's not like I'm complaining!"
"Alright!" Luffy crowed, reaching up to slap Wyvern on the back. "Let's get this part—!"
Everyone froze as Luffy's hand sunk into and through Wyvern's back.
Wyvern stared at Luffy in confusion before slowly looking down at his hands, which were starting to become see-through. "Well, this sucks. Back to the grindstone for me, I guess..."
"Cross!"
Wyvern glanced back up at our captain, who had his serious-face on.
"When you get back," Luffy ordered—yes, ordered. "Make sure to celebrate your birthday. That's a captain's order!"
Wyvern stared for a few seconds before grinning under his bandages, throwing up a lazy salute. "Aye aye, captain," he replied as his legs began to fade away. "I'd say good luck, but you guys already have all the luck you need! See you on the flipside!"
"Goodbye, Cross!" we all yelled as Wyvern faded away. Yes, even me.
And then… he was gone.
For a moment, we all stood there in somber silence—only for it to be broken by Mikey sniffing loudly.
"D-D'you think we're ever going to see him again?"
As one, every single one of us turned and gave him a flat stare. Even Luffy.
"W-What?" the dugong stammered in nervous fear. "Why are you all looking at me like that?"
SMACK!
"Ow…"
SMACK!
"Ow!"
SMACK!
"Alright, alright, I'm an idiot, I get it!" Mikey howled, clutching the tower of goose eggs rising from his skull. "Just stop hitting me!"
THWACK!
"YEOWCH!"
"Just for good luck," Boss snickered as he cracked his... flippers? Meh, not worth worrying about.
Any further response was pre-empted by a low groan from behind us. This time we actually did turn around, which allowed us to see the big bounty hunter trying to pull himself to his feet.
"So, what do we do with these guys?" Zoro wondered.
"Allow me," Vivi answered, her face thunderous as she stalked up to him. Kneeling down, she snapped her fingers in front of his face.
"Princess…?" the man groaned groggily.
The grogginess evaporated in a hurry when Vivi grabbed the sides of his head and looked him dead in the eyes. "Let me make this as clear as possible, so that even an ignoramus like you gets the picture," she said, her voice so sweet it was almost literally sickening. "We're going to leave you on your ship, at which point you are going to sail away and never bother us again. Otherwise, I'll be very upset with all of you, in which case I'll have them," this was accompanied by a thumb pointed in the general direction of the crew's heavy hitters, who were looming in a nice and menacing fashion. "Express my displeasure. And believe me." Her captive audience squeaked as her fingernails dug into his head. "You don't want that."
"Hey, I'm pretty sure we don't take orders from you," Zoro pointed out, only to get a crack over his skull from Sanji, and Boss and Luffy slapping their hands/flippers over his mouth.
"What was that?" Vivi snarled, shooting a glare Zoro's way.
"Nothing! Nothing! We're good!" the two hastily reassured her.
"Alright, then," she remarked, turning back to the bounty hunter. "So. Are the terms acceptable?"
The bald man audibly gulped before answering. "Yes, Princess."
"Good. Luffy, send them back."
Luffy's version of 'sending them back' was to wrap his arms around all of them at once and bodily fling them back onto their ship. Granted, it caused a lot more damage on top of what Wyvern had already done, but honestly, I don't think any of us gave a single fuck.
We kept a cautious eye on them as we sailed off until Lassoo coughed in order to draw attention to himself. "So… what now?"
"Well…" Luffy shrugged happily. "We might have lost one Cross, but we still have the other! So, as captain, I say we get the party started again! All in favor?"
"AYE!" we chorused in eager agreement. And, aside from remaking the cake and bringing in a new table, there wasn't all that much for most of us to do, leaving time for other things.
"So," Chopper said as Sanji grumbled about having to remake the cake. "What did you wish for?"
"Chopper!" Usopp admonished with a light chop to the head. "You don't ask that!"
"Yeah, everyone knows that sharing the wish means it won't come true!" Luffy chimed in.
"Ah, don't worry, guys, it's fine," I said dismissively. "After all, I know my wish is going to come true now."
"REALLY?!" all three of the Dumbass Trio demanded. "What was it, then?"
"One second," I said, before flagging down Sanji. "Hey, could you get the ale out? This sort of wish needs an appropriate atmosphere."
"Crooooossss…" the Dumbass Trio whined.
"Oh, be patient, you guys, for once in your lives!" I sighed.
Soon, the mugs had been passed out and filled, and everyone was parked in a circle around a makeshift table of barrels. I glanced around, remembering the last time we had done this, and how big the crew had gotten since. Grinning, I grabbed my mug and held it up in the air.
"A toast," I announced. "To a long and happy future with the Straw Hat Pirates! For me, and for all of us! Kanpai!"
"KANPAI!" came the shout as everyone matched my toast. And with that, the party went into full swing as we sailed off into the sunset.
Hornet AN: This had to be dragged kicking and screaming from our muses, so enjoy. Or else.
Patient AN: This really was a chore to write, yes.
Xomniac AN: Believe us, we know it's not our best work, but we wanted to do something special for the Special, so this is what we came up with. So really, there's no need to beat a dead horse!
