A/N: The first chapter was more of a prologue- thus very short; this is really where things are picking-up.

Love is not a Victory March

Derek watched as Meredith walked out the door with Finn's arm on the small of her back, guiding her away from him. He felt as though he'd been kicked in the gut and the feeling intensified into nausea as he saw her glance back at him before she left. In that moment he hoped that he could will her to not leave with the vet. It had taken him months and seeing her with Finn tonight and the death of their dog to realize he could never get over her but there she was leaving with someone other than him. But she continued out the door and he could almost feel his heart breaking. His reverie was broken by the soft touch of hand on his shoulder.

Addison

"Hey. Are you ready to go?" she asked quietly.

Suddenly the full weight of the night hit him like a truck. Oh God! What the hell have I done. He could feel the bile rising in his through. Addison looked at him with concern.

"You all right?"

All he could manage was a nod, afraid that if he opened his mouth he would throw-up.

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I'm fine." He said huskily, managing to choke down the vomit and sputter out a few words. He grabbed his keys from his pocket and began to walk towards the door, Addison trailing him with a vague sense of dread playing in her mind.

The ride home was silent, and Derek was thankful. He could take the time to wrap his head around what had happened- what was happening.

"You are an honorable man Derek."

The Chief's words mocked him. He had wanted to be a better guy, so he had done what good guys do, he went back to his wife to try and work on his marriage. But he was only beginning to realize how much he hurt everyone around him. He was the opposite of King Midas, everything he touched turned to shit. He had punished his wife with silence and ambivalence beyond anything reasonable for her crime. He had hurt Meredith with flirtations. The world was spinning out of control and he needed to do something to put it back in order. He finally knew what it was.


The group of friends walked slowly and silently towards Meredith's truck, an odd assemblage of courtiers for a fallen queen.

When they reached the truck, Alex opened the front passenger door for Izzie and let her slip inside briefly squeezing her hand in gesture of sympathy before climbing into the back with George and Callie. But before Meredith could get into the driver's seat Finn placed his hand on her arm and she turned to face him.

"A lot happened tonight" he said "and when you're ready to talk about it I'll be here."

Looking into his eyes Meredith could tell- he knew. Maybe not exactly, but she could see that he knew something had happened between her and Derek.

"Ok" she concentrated her eyes on the ground until he placed his hand on her cheek and stroked it softly. He was a good man. And this made it all hurt like hell. She gave him a soft kiss on the cheek and climbed into the seat.

"Goodnight"

"Goodnight, Meredith"

With that she closed the door and turned the ignition, pulling the car out of the lot she could see Finn watching them pull away through her rear-view mirror. For the second time in the evening her eyes began to sting.

The ride was eerily quiet as everyone was too wrapped in themselves to speak to each other. George in his confusion over his feelings for Callie, Callie in her pain over George's confusion, Alex in his desire to help Izzie, and Izzie….

Izzie was in shock. She sat in the front passenger seat and stared blankly ahead. Her make-up had dried showing the traces of tears on her cheeks, but she had no more tears for now.

They pulled into the driveway and everyone slowly poured out of the truck and walked towards the house. Once inside Izzie stood rooted at the front door not walking any further.

"Izzie?" Meredith looked back at her from the foot of the stairs "Do you need anything?"

Izzie stood there rooted to the spot.

"Izzie?" Alex placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I killed him. It's my fault. I wouldn't listen to anyone and I killed him." She crumpled

to the ground too exhausted with her grief to move, to cry, to think.

"Alex-"

"Yeah"

Alex scooped Izzie up in his arms and she began to silently sob but allowed him to carry her up the stairs. George and Izzie followed them. But Meredith could bring herself to go upstairs yet. She sat down on the sofa alone with her thoughts. She had done a terrible thing tonight, worse than all the one-night-stands, worse than sleeping with George. She really was a dirty mistress now. In the moment it had been beautiful and right, but now she had time to think about it. The smell of his cologne was faint on her dress and she could still fell him. But no matter how wonderful it had been people were going to be hurt, Addison, whom she respected and Finn. Finn who had plans. The only thing she could think was that she was a walking disaster. She needed to make a decision and stick with it, knitting wouldn't help this time.