Hallelujah

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, that would be Shonda Rhimes who is a whole lot cooler than I am- love her, love her shoes. So please don't sue me. I just want to play with them (particularly Dr. McDreamy)

Chapter 9: You Needed Proof

On her way to check in with a patient, Christina snuck into Burke's room to check in on him. It was hard for her to believe, but she had a need to see him, to hear his voice and know that he was going to be ok. He was Burke, he had to be ok.

Opening the door she saw him reading.

"Hey." She said quietly as she approached him. "How are you doing?"

He smiled weakly.

"Can you move your hand?"

"A little, but it still shakes a lot. I don't know what I'm going to do Christina. Being a surgeon is my life. I can't see myself doing anything."

"We'll get through this." She didn't know why she was saying it; maybe it was to comfort herself as much as him. This was all new to Christina. She had never been good at sympathy or showing emotion, but Burke needed her and she couldn't let him down.

Just then Bailey walked into the room.

"Christina? I need you to do a post-op in 2011."

"Alright." Christina kissed Burke quickly on the forehead and walked out of the room.

Burke tried to clench his fist only to find he couldn't control the shaking. The anger welled up inside him and he slammed other hand into table by the bed. He felt helpless and frightened. Everything that he had been was teetering on the edge. Could he ever be the man he was before? If he wasn't a surgeon would he still be Preston Burke? Would Christina still love him?


Meredith dashed down the hall to the and into the first place she dashed into the first open room she could find. A room that just happened to be the same one she and Derek had made love in the night before. Meredith looked around the room and tried to understand what her life had become. She was a dirty-mistress. She had knowingly slept with a married man. And he had the nerve to ask her what it meant. Before she had time to think much more, the door to the room opened and Derek walked in.

"Meredith?"

"Stay away from me!" She yelled at the top of her lungs hoping someone would come and she wouldn't have to be alone with him- she wouldn't have to test her willpower any more.

"I just want to talk to you."

"No, we don't need to talk. The last time we talked in this room things happened. People got hurt because of what happened."

"I know that but Meredith, I love you."

"You what?" She was incredulous. "You love me? You left me Derek! You chose your wife, you called me whore, and now you're telling me that you love me!"

"I screwed up Meredith. I thought I could forget about you, but I can't. No matter how hard I try I can't get the smell of lilac out of my head. I can't forget about you Meredith. I wanted to fix things with Addison, but I didn't know I would fall in love with you."

Her head was spinning and she couldn't breath. He was looking at her with that look, "their" look.

"Why are you saying this to me now? Is it because Mark's here? Am I your revenge against Addison?"

"No! Meredith, it's not like that!"

"Oh, that's right. I forgot I was a breath of air. Right before you chose to go back to Addison" She spat the words out.

"I'm so sorry Meredith. I hurt you and I hurt Addison. Please let me try and make things right again."

"You know how you can make things right, by leaving me alone. Ok! Just leave me the hell alone!" She stopped out of the room and slammed the door leaving Derek by himself to contemplate the mess he'd made of all the lives around him.

He didn't blame her for hating him, everything she had said was right. She had put her heart on the line for him and he had let her down. He understood now just how monumental of a mistake it had been staying with Addison, for everyone. She needed time, but he also knew that he needed her. Somehow he would have to maker her believe him again, believe in them again. Steadying himself on the bed he took a deep breath and left the room.


Mark saw Derek talking to Meredith in the hall; saw the look on her face when she caught sight of him. Derek had shot him a glare before running down the hall after her. Mark couldn't believe it. The ink on his divorce wasn't even dry, hell the papers hadn't even been signed yet, and Derek was trying to woo his intern. Of course, he was trying to do the same thing with Addison, so maybe he couldn't blame Derek. When love was at stake, decorum could take a back seat.

Even though he didn't like to admit it, Mark missed his friend. Derek and he had known each other since undergrad at Harvard, and had ended up at the same medical school. It was the first year of med school when they had met Addison. Actually Derek had seen her first.

"Hey, Mark. You see the red head over there?" Derek nodded down towards the end of the bar and an exquisite looking woman.

"Damn, she's something else."

"I'm going to go ask her out."

"Bet you $10 she turns you down flat."

"You're on."

Of course Mark had lost the $10 to Derek that night, and his heart over the years to Addison. He couldn't help it. They spent so much time together, the three of them, and he was bewitched not just by her beauty but her wit and vivacity. The day Derek and Addison got married he had stood as best man and it nearly killed him. He wanted to yell, to scream out objections to tell her how much he loved her, but she was his best-friend's wife now. The more time they spent together the more in love he became until it was nearly unbearable.

He watched as Derek and Addison's marriage began to fall apart, he heard her desperation when she would talk to him about how alone she felt and how much time Derek spent at the hospital. He'd heard Derek moan about how Addison had changed and become obsessed with dull parties and evenings with the fashionable set. He began spending time with them in pairs, it was either him and Derek or him and Addison, rarely was it the "Three Musketeers" any more. He valued hist time with both his friends, but with Addison it was very different. It had started as a kiss on the cheek that went too far one night. The next time it was a deliberate kiss. Then finally the kiss became sex and the sex became an affair. They began purposely scheduling themselves so that they could be home when Derek was at the hospital.

When Derek had caught them in the act, there had been a mix of shame and relief; shame in realizing what he had done to his friend and relief that his feelings were no longer a secret. Addison had stayed with him, angry that Derek had run off. She stayed for three months, and it was the most wonderful 3 months of his life. This wonderful, intelligent, beautiful woman was his. And then she left, leaving a note on the kitchen counter for him.

Mark,

I'm sorry. I need to fix things with Derek, I can't do this any more. Please forgive me. I'll always love you.

Addison

He let her go, hoping that after she had gone out there, realized that Derek wasn't coming back and didn't love her, she would divorce him and come back. But she had stayed. He had hoped that by going out there he could persuade her of how much he cared, remind her of what she left behind. But all he came away with was black eye and stitches from the punch Derek had thrown. He knew why she left really. She had told him on the phone when he called to find out if she was ok, about Derek's intern Meredith. Addison was nothing if not a creature of pride. Her pride was hurt more than anything by the existence of Meredith, so she had gone to try and win her husband back.

The moment he had stepped into the hospital and began flirting with the intern matching Addison's description, only to meet with Derek's fist, he knew that their marriage was over whether either of them had wanted to admit it or not. But now it was official they had given up the pretense and were getting a divorce. If only Addison had would come back to him. This would take patience, this would take charm. Luckily he was blessed with inordinate amounts of both.

A/N: I'm really enjoying writing this. I hope you're enjoying reading it as well. Next chapter will be some George and Callie.