Hallelujah
Disclaimer: These characters- not mine. They belong to Shonda Rimes, who kindly doesn't mind if we borrow them for our own nefarious purposes.
Chapter 10: From Your Lips She Drew the Hallelujah
Meredith couldn't sleep that night. Her mind kept going over the day. Hearing Derek say that it was over between him and Addison, seeing Mark Sloane return to Seattle. It was too much. Deep down she knew that her life, compared to many others in the world, was quite good. She had a roof over her head, food to eat, a job she loved, friends who cared about her, and a guy who had plans. So why couldn't she be happy. Why did she keep allowing herself to get caught up in this drama with Derek? The answer she realized was quite simple: she loved him. Beyond anything rational or sane, she loved him and it hurt because she didn't know if she could ever trust him again.
Eventually, her alarm rung and she dragged herself out of bed. Washed-up and prepared to begin anther day. Walking into the kitchen she saw Alex sitting at the table with a cup of coffee.
"Hey." She grabbed some from the pot for herself.
"Hey."
"Are you coming in today?"
"Yeah, I don't want the Nazi ridding me any more than usual. How was yesterday?"
"Addison found out about the prom."
"You're kidding" Meredith shook her head and focused on her coffee. "Wow and she didn't try and kick your ass or anything?"
"No, actually we just kind of avoided each other."
"I suppose that's a good thing."
"Yeah."
"Well, I'm going to go check on Izzie real quick."
"Alright."
When Alex left, Meredith continued to sip her coffee. She thought of Derek and everything he had said yesterday. She wanted to believe everything, that he still loved her that it wasn't about revenge. But it had taken her so long to get glued back together after he'd left and she didn't know if she could take it if he ended it again. Then again, maybe the night of the prom just proved that she had never really put herself back together.
George woke up and rolled, curling his arm over Callie and kissing her in the soft spot between her neck and her shoulder. He thought about Callie's declaration and he struggled to figure out exactly how he felt. After the fiasco with Meredith, George had doubted that he would ever fall in love, or that anyone would find him attractive again. But there was Callie, bold, beautiful, and amazingly in love with him. He didn't know why he was hesitating. Love was a big word, an even bigger emotion, he had thought he loved Meredith but it had just been a crush. It had felt real though and the crash when his illusion failed him was devastating and he wasn't sure he could trust himself with that feeling again.
Callie woke up and turned towards him.
"Hey" she said quietly.
"Hey."
"Look George, I'm sorry about the other night."
"You don't need to apologize, you said what you felt. I appreciate it."
"But you don't know if you feel the same way.'
"Callie, I just- the last time I told someone I loved them I thought I meant it and I ended getting hurt and hurting her as well. I don't want to do that again. But I do know that you mean the world to me. You're beautiful and you're brilliant. I just don't want to say those words yet, they carry so much with them."
"I understand. But, George?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you ever be able to say them?"
"Absolutely." He kissed her deeply. Yes, he would definitely be able to say it, and definitely to her.
Meredith stood at the nurse's station filling out post-ops for Bailey. Her outburst in the locker room the day before had made it around the hospital and as a result most people seemed to be going out of their way to either not gossip about her- or at least not do it when she might be near by. Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder, turning around she found herself face-to-face with Finn.
"Finn!" She was surprised. She hadn't heard from him since the prom and hadn't felt up to calling him.
"Hey, Meredith."
"What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to stop by and see you, make sure you were alright."
"I- I'm fine." She was lying of course, but she didn't feel like getting into that discussion with him. She just hoped by putting a smile on her face she wouldn't give away the things that were occupying her mind.
"You're a really bad liar. But that's alright. It's part of being scary and damaged." He raised his hand tucked a wisp of her hair behind her ear.
"Finn. I'm really sorry. I really like you." She could see the muscles in his face tense as though he could tell what was coming.
"But, you're in love with him, aren't you. I knew it the other night, the way he looked at you when you walked into the room, it was the same way I looked at you."
"I never meant to hurt you Finn."
"I know. I just hope he treats you right."
"I don't know if I can even go back to him. I just know that right now I'm not any good to you. I'd just end up hurting you more." Finn leaned down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
"Take care of yourself Meredith."
"Thanks, Finn." But just as he went to leave Meredith's pager went off. "Finn, I have to go."
"It's ok."
Dashing down the stairs she saw the gurney lifted from the ambulance and on it, her mother. Her body was motionless and she was quiet. Meredith's knees buckled. Something was terribly wrong. The world seemed to move in slow motion. Christina rushed out and seeing the familiar figure, looked at Meredith. Suddenly the EMT spoke up almost with a voice that sounded far away.
"61 year old woman, Alztimer's suffered a major stroke, comatose." The rest of the vitals that were called out seemed to rush right through her.
