Disclaimer: I don't own anything that doesn't belong to me.
"Hey all!" Philia said cheerfully, waving into her phone's camera. "It's your future monarch Philia here, doing a collab birthday livestream with my good friend Neycombe!"
"Thanks to all of you for so generously allowing me to feast on your life force," the Fangire Noble said haughtily.
"If you're just checking in, my friends and I were supposed to be going to have a fun time tour of ancient Egypt to celebrate my birthday, but then we got hijacked and my big sis Aranea's magic went haywire and now we're stranded here, though Mr. Shin assured us the ShinLiner will get fixed in a jiffy and will be back on our way, just as soon as he and the others are done fighting the Roman army that showed up to capture us."
She zoomed out her camera to show that, behind her, the Bugrangers, Arachrangers, and these enigmatic "Egyptrangers" were fighting the Romans.
"Also, apparently the Roman legion had zombie soldiers and centaurs? And Cleopatra led a team of ancient Egyptian Sentai? Did not know that," Mei remarked.
"They didn't!" Cart insisted.
"Then how do you explain the zombie soldiers and centaur or team of ancient Egyptian Sentai led by Cleopatra?" Kagami asked reasonably.
"I can't," the gynoid wailed.
"Cart seems to be undergoing an existential crisis. Should we do something about it?" Galacta asked in concern.
Neycombe scoffed. "Please, Veila goes through like a half dozen of those a day, she'll be fine."
"We really should get you to therapy, dear," a concerned Apista told Veila, who was still digging her own grave.
"My last therapist wrote a book about all my anxieties and psychological disorders," Veila said morbidly. "It was very traumatic."
"You know, you don't have to dig your own grave," Scarabella pointed out. "Miss Nushi and the others are totally going to win."
"But if they do, then that means I don't die here," Veila protested. "Which means my destined death is still going to happen at some point in the future! If it happens now, at least I'll know it's coming, so I don't have to drive myself crazier worrying about it!"
Philia made a face. "I really don't understand why you keep seeing that gypsy woman, it's not healthy."
"I have a crippling fear of the future, even if the fortunes she gives me are bad at least it takes away the uncertainty," Veila insisted.
"Maybe I should see her too," Jun, who just started digging his own grave, contemplated.
"NO!" His mother and siblings yelled at him.
"Anyway, there's no need for any of you to worry about us," Philia told her viewers. "All the monsters are occupied by the Bugrangers and these new Sentai, so we are in no danger."
"Some of them are coming this way!" Mira cried, the crack of a gunshot ringing through the air.
"Okay, maybe a little danger," Philia admitted as Shitsuki ran past, axe raised over their head, ignoring their mother's cries to stay back. "But we've got some pretty strong magical protections in place, and most of my friends are actually pretty capable despite their age, so we should be fine."
"I wonder what their souls taste like?" Neycombe wondered idly.
"Or their blood!" Fuuka added.
"All these new Rangers look fascinating," Luna remarked as, in the background, Aki and Luna started setting legionnaires on fire with their magic. "I wonder who the ones other than Cleopatra are?"
"Oh, we can figure that out easily enough," Philia said, fiddling with her phone. "Just a quick enchantment and…"
Goro was not impressed with his opponents.
"I'm not impressed with any of you!" Goro shouted angrily as his multiple turrets shredded the armor of the Roman legionnaires. "I heard that the Roman army was the greatest army in the world at one point! But all of you are going down just as easily as any other footsoldier I've ever faced! Maybe even easier!"
"To be fair, partner, you're currently in your Super form, using weaponry thousands if not millions of years more advanced than the arms and armor available this time period," Formic pointed out.
"Even so!" Goro grunted, grabbing a legionnaire by the head and firing his wrist Gatling, obliterating it. "I've been hoping for a little more fight than this!"
"Watch out! You might just be about to get it!" The blue Egyptranger warned him as several legionnaires formed up in a square, shields either pointed outwards or upwards with their spears pointing out between the gaps to form a turtle formation and charged at him.
Goro scoffed and crouched down, his tank treads revving. "Is that all? Where I come from, warfare has far moved past such tactics!"
Throwing up a cloud of sand, he surged forwards, ramming right into the formation and shattering it, ripping through the metal like tissue paper and sending legionnaires flying.
Egypt Blue whistled, impressed, casually slicing the throat of a legionnaire lying dazed on the ground with a khopesh. "Not bad! Then again, I guess I should've expected as much from Hive tech."
Goro nodded. "Yeah… Wait, what?! You recognize this technology?! Also, get down."
The blue Egyptranger obligingly ducked down, allowing Goro to fire a bunker buster over her head which obliterated the legionnaires behind her. "Yeah, much like you guys, I'm not from around here, though something tells me you're from a bit further than I am."
She darted forwards, diving between Goro's legs and slicing through the groin of the legionnaire that had been about to attack him from behind, causing it to collapse in agony.
Goro fired a small missile past her to obliterate the legionnaires she'd been about to crash into and consulted the Buzzing. "Do any of you know what she is?" He asked. "I thought she was some sort of local friendly monster, but…"
"Checking… Match found," was the reply. "She is a member of the Zonama, an all-female race from a jungle planet. While they used to make a name for themselves as warriors, they eventually put their talents to other uses by establishing the most successful courier service in their galaxy, which served them well until their tragic extinction."
"Her people are extinct?!" Goro spurted in surprise, causing the blue Egyptranger to miss a fatal strike and need to dodge quickly to keep from getting skewered by a Roman spear.
"My people are extinct?!" She cried in horror.
"Uh-Oh," Goro uttered, realizing he had just made a huge mistake.
"GORO!" Everyone yelled at him.
"Look, at least it's not as bad as Tarou Momoi blurting out his only weakness to his archenemy/boyfriend because he ASKED!" He defended himself weakly. "I mean, there's honesty and there's stupidity, you know?"
"I dunno, that seemed pretty stupid to me," Formic commented.
"Don't you start!"
Egypt Blue stormed over, backhanding a legionnaire that tried to attack her from the side until she reached Goro and grabbed him by the nonexistent neck. "Explain. Now."
Goro somehow got the feeling that if he didn't give her a satisfactory answer, his Super mode armor wasn't going to be enough to save him from her wrath. "Uh…guys?"
"Tell her," Shin instructed him.
"Wait, really?" Goro asked in surprise. "But what about the timeline?"
"Worst case scenario, nothing actually changes because it's a self fulfilling prophecy. Best case scenario, you save an entire species," Shin replied. "I don't think the authorities will care that much since they are mainly concerned about localized time, but like I said before, I'll take responsibility. And besides, if it were you, wouldn't you want to know?"
"Good point." "A few centuries from now, a certain warlord will be furious when a package he ordered using your people's service arrives a day late and in less than mint condition and destroys your planet in retribution," he replied.
The Amazon cursed. "Shit! I have to get home and warn everyone!" She groaned. "Except my ship is still trashed, and they haven't developed the tech I need to fix it… I was originally just going to wait until this planet had developed the level of tech I need to get home, but clearly that's not an option!"
"Once we get our Time Machine fixed, maybe we can help repair your ship as well?" Goro offered.
"Really? Thanks!" The other blue exclaimed in relief, shaking his hand with one hand while gutting another legionnaire with the other. "You have no idea how much this means to me! I promise, if this works, the Hive will get a major discount on all deliveries from my people from now on, and we'll reconsider whether or not to join them!"
"Happy to help," he replied, firing missiles which sent the legionnaires coming towards them flying. "Did that work? Did I change the future?"
"Our records indicate that the Zonama were still wiped out," the Buzzing told him regretfully, sorrow in every word. "It didn't work."
"Not necessarily," Shin said. "There's still a chance… I'll explain later, right now we need to focus on the fight."
"I'm Goro, by the way," Goro told his fellow blue.
"Akilah," she replied. "We'll talk later. For now, let's defeat some Romans!" She grinned. "And seeing as how you've got a bit of an edge thanks to your Hive tech…"
She tapped her brace and raised it skyward. "Sobek, I beseech thee! Grant me the power of your fangs! GOD BOOST!"
The eye on her bracer glowed blue and dozens of blue bandages shot out, wrapping around parts of her body as she hunched over. Ridges formed on her back, a tail wove itself into existence from her rear, claws formed on her fingers and feet, and a crocodilian snout complete with sharp fangs, all made from bandages, grew from her face. She snarled, her new mouth working disturbingly well, and charged towards some hapless legionnaires.
Goro and Formic watched as the powered up Akilah mauled the soldiers. "She's really going to town on them," Goro noted.
"Yeah," Formic agreed. "You'd better get back into action yourself, I'd be very offended if someone using the power of a God millions of years younger than me outperforms you."
"As my divine Lord commands," Goro joked, priming his weapons as he once again charged into the fray.
Aranea flexed her fingers, threads shooting from their tips and wrapping around the 10 or so legionnaires before her, pulling their limbs taut and holding them in place. Antares' tail lanced forwards again and again, piercing each Roman soldier through the chest and injecting them with a toxin which caused all of them to dissolve in seconds. "Disappointing," the Scorpioni said in disgust. "They barely offered any resistance!"
"To be fair, they are mere foot soldiers," Aranea pointed out.
"Even so, the Funghouls put up more of a fight than this!" Antares complained. "They're almost not worth fighting!"
His pincer shot out to the side, grabbing a Roman by the head and crushing it. "I'll still fight them, of course, but I won't be happy about it."
Aranea nodded sympathetically…
Then fired webbing off to the side, nearly striking Egypt Black, who nimbly evaded the attack, and expertly flipped over and around Antares' stinger when it lashed out at him. "Aha, maybe this one will be a more worthy adversary!"
"Relax, Antares, he's not our enemy," Aranea commanded, glaring at the other black. He looked leaner and more wiry than before, with sharp claws and elongated snout, implying that like Akilah, he had tapped more into the power of his corresponding deity. "Although he seems to be trying to make himself into one. Why are you spying on us? We are on the same side."
The black Ranger shook his head. "That has yet to be seen. My queen believes you to be trustworthy since you are warriors chosen by the gods, just as we are… But emperor Caesar was chosen by the Roman gods, who are our enemy, which doesn't necessarily mean our pantheons are friends. Especially since yours are from… Outside…" He snarled.
"Should I be offended?" Arachne wondered.
"I am," Scorpio grunted.
"Your blue comrade is also from beyond," Aranea pointed out. "But you trust her, don't you?"
"Akilah is a known quantity, who has proven her worth on multiple occasions," the black Ranger retorted. "But you? I don't know you. You are clearly powerful, but unknown, which makes you a potential threat to my queen."
Antares grunted in grudging respect. "You are truly loyal to your mistress. I can relate. However, we are not your foes. If we wanted you dead, you would be already."
"Not helping," Aranea hissed to him.
The black Ranger laughed. "Death, I'm afraid, is a blessing I have been denied for quite some time now. You would not find it as easy a task as you think."
Aranea frowned, her mystical senses telling her something was… Off about the other warrior. "You are under a grave curse," she realized suddenly. "One which has trapped your soul in your decaying body long past the point of expiration."
The jackal warrior nodded, mildly impressed. "Indeed I am. In our youth, my queen and I ventured into a forgotten crypt belonging to the heretic Akhenaton, as foolish children do. Cleopatra accidentally set off a trap, and I took the curse that was meant for her, believing it to be my end." He clenched his fist, glancing at his khopesh, which briefly swirled with darkness. "It almost was, but one of the treasures of the crypt was a sword belonging to the daughter of Anubis, god of death. Its power keeps me from dying… But the curse still remains, leaving me in this mummified state."
He looked back at them. "Despite all it has cost me, I would take the curse a dozen times over. Anything to ensure the safety and happiness of my queen."
"… I would do the same thing in your shoes," Antares admitted, his admiration no longer grudging. "And is she a mistress worthy of such loyalty, like mine is?"
"Absolutely," the other black said with utter certainty.
Aranea and Antares glanced at each other, nodded, and suddenly Widow's Bite and the scorpion's tail shot out. The black jackal flinched…
Only for the blade and stinger to lance past him and pierce the legionnaires about to strike him from behind. "I am Aranea, future ruler of the Arachide Ascendancy, and the entire universe," Aranea introduced herself.
"And I am Antares, her sworn protector," Antares declared.
"Neither of us is your enemy. We are only here by accident, and promise that we will leave as soon as we can, without harming you or the one you serve," Aranea promised. "If you still doubt us, feel free to continue watching us if it will satisfy your suspicions, Antares would do the same."
"That's right, I would, and am," Antares agreed.
Egypt Black considered this. "… My name is Gozim," he said finally.
Antares nodded in respect. "Then come, Gozim. Let us work together to protect both our queens, especially from themselves."
"Antares!" Aranea exclaimed. "Are you going to hold the incident with Reversian Rusalka over my head forever?"
Antares shrugged. "I wasn't referring to Rusalka. She was not, after all, the only time you allowed a pretty face to lead you astray. Hell, one might say you're already doing it now with Nushi and Ariel."
"A-Antares!" Aranea spluttered, her consorts laughing all the way back in the 21st-century.
Gozim actually seemed to relax at this. "So your queen has that kind of weakness too? Oh, the stories I could tell you…"
"Which you never would, of course, because it would betray her trust," Antares said quickly.
"Oh, of course," Gozim agreed.
The two of them shared a knowing look, and Aranea just knew they were grinning beneath their masks.
Somehow, she thought she might have liked it better when Gozim was spying on them…
Egypt Green grunted as he dueled with some legionnaires, who were using short swords to combat his khopesh. "Come on, you worthless constructs, I've made far more durable ushabti in my workshop- SHIT!" He cried, tripping over his own feet and stumbling over.
One of the legionnaires struck him in the back, pushing him to the ground while he was off balance, and the others closed around him, preparing to beat him to death-
"SHIN RANGER KICK!"
Shin slammed into the legionnaires, sending them flying. "You okay?" He asked, helping up the other green.
Egypt Green nodded in relief. "Yes, thank you. This body does not feel pain, but that does not mean it can't be broken."
Shin gave him a puzzled look. "'This body?' That's an interesting choice of words. Is it not your only one? Or not your original? Are you remote controlling it from somewhere else, or are you a tiny guy in a human-sized mech?"
The other green gave him an impressed look. "You catch on quicker than I expected. This body is my only one, but no, it's not my original. That was lost quite some time ago."
Shin drew his axe and bisected one of the legionnaires which rushed over to avenge the comrades he had kicked apart. "You look like one of those golems beneath the mask. Let me guess, you transferred your consciousness into one because your human body was dying?"
"Ushabti, not golems," Egypt Green corrected him, cursing as he failed to strike another legionnaire but managed to dodge a spear thrust and punch him in the chest. "But you have the right of it. Have you seen such a thing before? I had thought myself the first to come up with such an idea."
"You might be, chronologically speaking, but it's unlikely," Shin said, twirling his Axe around and decapitating a legionnaire. "But yeah, I've seen that sort of thing before, used by both good and bad guys. And… Let me guess, you're the smartest guy on your team, but also the one most likely to suffer humiliating and embarrassing accidents?"
Egypt Green tripped over his own feet again, though this time he managed to bury his khopesh in the thigh of a legionnaire to keep himself from falling. Unfortunately, his weight caused the legionnaire's leg to buckle and the soldier fell on top of him. "Correct again," he said in irritation, managing to shove the soldier off of him and drive his blade in his neck before he could recover. "This body was not originally designed for combat, and modifying it would be… Difficult. A few times I've considered transferring into another vessel, but… I barely survived the first time, and I am uncertain my ba would maintain cohesion if I did it again."
"No offense," Shin said, hurling his axe at a legionnaire that had been about to attack the other green and splitting his skull. "But isn't this sort of thing a huge taboo in your culture? I thought your people were all about embracing life after death, so isn't this kind of…?"
"I am well aware of the ethical and spiritual ramifications," the Ushabti replied, clumsily sweeping a legionnaire's feet out from under him and driving his blade into its back. "But only part of my soul animates this vessel. The rest is in the Duat where it belongs. I attended my own funeral. It was a rather novel experience. And I would not have done this at all had I not believed it to be absolutely necessary. My work was too important to leave unfinished or be destroyed at the hands of my assassins."
Shin smirked, retrieving his Axe. "Yeah, I've met your type before. I know a few guys back home you'd get along well with."
"Are they… Like us?" Egypt Green asked, gesturing to their outfits. "Up until a few minutes ago, I thought my comrades and I were the only ones like us in the world."
Shin barked with laughter. "My friend, you have no idea!" He kicked a legionnaire, caving its chest in. "I'll tell you more later. By the way, I never got a name."
"I am Thotep. And you?" The Ushabti asked, stumbling as he evaded a spear thrust but managing to twist his body about to land a killing blow regardless.
"Shin," Shin replied. "And just like you… I'm not quite human anymore, either!"
"Fascinating. I would like to hear more later," Thotep said. "But first, to even the odds…" He tapped his bracer and raised it skywards. "Thoth, I beseech thee! Grant me the power of your wisdom! GOD BOOST!"
The eye on his bracer glowed green and dozens of green bandages shot out and started wrapping themselves around his body, causing wings to form under the underside of his arms, a lengthy beak to grow from his face, and for his height to double as his legs elongated and ended in bird feet.
Both Shin and the legionnaires stared at him in horror, though for very different reasons. "Oh Gaim," Shin groaned. "It's Kiji Brother all over again!"
Egypt Yellow looked on in awe as Mibojin hurled her Shuriken through the air, the giant blade slicing through several legionnaires before returning to her hand. "That's so cool!" She gushed. "I wish my weapon could do that!"
She threw her khopesh at a legionnaire archer off in the distance that had been about to fire an arrow at them. Her blade flew true and struck him in the face, his arrow loosing as he collapsed and skewering another legionnaire to the eye. The cat girl pouted. "See? It didn't come back to me!"
"I do not believe your weapon is meant to work that way," Mibojin said, splitting her Shuriken back into her arm blades and viciously eviscerating some nearby legionnaires. "Although… I find that if you turn your wrist in just the right way when throwing an object, you'd be surprised what will return to you."
"Really?" The other yellow cried in excitement, dashing on all fours across the sand towards the corpse with her sword stuck in it, ferociously savaging any soldier that got in her way with claws which grew from her fingertips or biting them despite having no visible mouth. "Could you teach me?"
Mibojin combined her blades again and threw her Shuriken ahead of the feline, clearing a path for her to wrench her blade out of its corpse sheath and in a single clean motion eviscerate another legionnaire. "Perhaps. If there is time."
"Awesome!" The cat purred in excitement, tail wagging and wrapping around the ankle of a legionnaire behind her, yanking him to the ground and allowing her to violently drive her foot into his face. "I have to say, I'm excited to know there's more like us in the world! Here we thought it was just us. And maybe the Gauls, but they're different."
"Gauls?" Mibojin inquired, catching her Shuriken as it came back to her and immediately bisecting three legionnaires with it.
"Long story. By the way, I'm Nefer! What's your name?" The cat girl asked, nimbly evading spear thrusts from the legionnaires while merrily ripping them to shreds with her khopesh and claws.
"Mibojin. Nefer, for the mental well-being of an acquaintance, I must ask: are you a slave of Cleopatra?" Mibojin asked, vanishing in a puff of smoke just before a legionnaire could drive a sword through her chest, reappearing behind him and cleaving through his back.
Nefer gave her a genuinely surprised look, barely even paying attention as she fended off a sword wielding legionnaire with one hand. "What? No, of course not! We don't use slaves in Egypt anymore, that's what Ushabtis are for, you can thank Thotep for that. And even if we did still use slaves, I am a Child of Bast, and it is forbidden to enslave those descended from the gods."
Kari sighed in relief at this.
Nefer gave Mibojin a puzzled look as she gouged a soldier's eyes out with her claws. "How do you not know this? You travel with several yourself!"
"We… Do not call them that where we come from, I am uncertain if they are the same thing," Mibojin said vaguely, cloning herself and attacking half a dozen legionnaires simultaneously with her blades. "My acquaintance and her daughter very narrowly escaped slavery thanks to the help of one of my companions."
"Really? Huh, that's weird," Nefer murmured, doing a back flip and kicking a legionnaire in the chin so hard it snapped his head off. "While other countries have tried to enslave my people in the past, the retribution from the gods has usually been so swift and brutal they don't do it again. Except for the Romans, of course. You'd think the fact that we kicked them out of our country once would have taught them to stay away, and yet here we are."
"And here we are," Mibojin agreed, joining hands with her clothes and twirling around, creating a wheel of death. "Sadly, that is not the case where I am from. I do not think my acquaintance's gods are the same as yours."
"No, they aren't," Kari muttered bitterly.
"Well, maybe she should move here, then she would never have to worry about that again!" Nefer suggested brightly as she suddenly got distracted by the light reflecting off of a soldier's armor and started chasing it about, accidentally knocking over several legionnaires in the process.
"There are a multitude of reasons that would not work," Mibojin informed her, once again forming her Shuriken and tossing it to one of her clones, who threw it to another, her doppelgängers passing it between themselves and using it to cut through the soldiers around them. "If you're not a slave then, why did you allow Cleopatra to treat you like… Well, a pet?"
Nefer laughed. "That's because I am one, silly!"
Kari gasped, and Mibojin lost her focus, her clones dissipating. "You're what?!"
Nefer frowned. "Oh. Is that not a thing where you come from either?"
"That… Well, it varies, but… I thought you said you weren't a slave!" Mibojin stammered.
"I'm not. I'm a pet," Nefer emphasized. "Totally different. Hold that thought." She tapped her brace and raised her hand skyward, accidentally uppercutting a legionnaire in the process. "Bast, I beseech thee! Grant me the power of your claws! GOD BOOST!"
The eye on her bracer glowed yellow and dozens of yellow bandages shot out, wrapping around her body and…
Not actually doing a lot, other than giving her a little more muscle mass, lengthening her tail, and making her claws bigger and sharper. She also got some fangs.
"So even their yellow can assume her second form already?" Manti grumbled.
"That's all?" Mibojin asked, allowing a bit of envy to seep into her tone and the Buzzing. It was, after all, still more than she had.
"What? I'm a Child of Bast, I'm already divinely empowered all the time," Nefer said defensively. "Besides, this is more than just a minor cosmetic change!"
She crouched to the ground, then sprung forwards…
Turning into a bolt of yellow light which zigzagged through a mob of legionnaires, ripping them to shreds as she skidded to a halt, throwing up a cloud of sand in her wake. "Speed of a cheetah! Beat that!"
"Very well."
Mibojin crouched, raising her blades…
And a moment later was on the other side of another mob of legionnaires. There was a pause, and they all fell to pieces.
Nefer gasped, eyes wide. "Wow! How did you do that?!"
"I am a ninja," Mibojin said smugly.
"I have no idea what that is! Can you teach me to be one?" Nefer pleaded.
Mibojin considered for a moment. "No."
The cat girl pouted.
"Die, Cleopatra!" Kentos shouted as he darted back and forth, firing arrows from his great bow at the Pharaoh. "The Emperor and Lord Neptune will reward me greatly for your head!"
Cleopatra didn't bother dodging, her khopesh flashing through the air as she expertly deflected every arrow that came her way. "The only reward you will receive is whatever Osiris sees fit to give you when you reach the underworld."
Kentos snorted. "Osiris?! Pah! Pluto is the only true God of the underworld!"
"Actually, my aunt and uncle are gods of the underworld," Ariel quipped as she flew overhead, volleying attack spells at the centaur. "There's a lot of different underworlds out there, all with their own pantheons. Each of them is just as valid as the other, really."
"I know not what strange creature you are, but you shall perish all the same!" Kentos snarled, firing an arrow at Ariel.
A red blur shot by, and the arrow split in half as Nushi cleaved it into with her sword, each piece shooting past the butterfly winged sorceress. "Nobody is putting a pin in my butterfly," she declared.
Ariel nodded rapidly. "Yeah, the only one allowed to nail me is you! And Aranea. And anyone else I feel like. Not this guy though."
"I've never liked horses myself," Nushi agreed. "Not a pony girl."
"Oh? What about ponygirls-" Ariel started.
"Not those either!" Nushi shrieked.
Cleopatra gave her a confused look. "I do not comprehend."
"It's probably better that way," Nushi told her.
"Enough of this! Feel the might of my Sagittarius Rain!" Kentos declared, notching at least a dozen arrows into his bow at once, pointing upwards, and firing. The missiles shot into the air, briefly took the form of the Sagittarius constellation, then rained down on the trio.
Cleopatra tensed, preparing to dodge, only for Ariel to raise her wand and cry, "Jinga Majuna!"
A magical barrier shimmered to life above the three rangers, the arrows splintering harmlessly against it. "What?!" Kentos stammered, eyes bulging.
"I see… So you are a goddess of magic, like Queen Isis!" An amazed Cleopatra realized.
"Yeah! Well. Demigod," Ariel confessed. "Though I'm going to become a full God someday."
"So I can see," Cleopatra said in admiration. "The spark of divinity is truly strong within you. And…" She glanced at Nushi, intrigued. "I can sense the beginnings of godhood within you, as well. I am unfamiliar with the deities you draw your strength from, but… I get the feeling that whatever you become, you may even rival great Ra himself!"
"Thank you, your Majesty," Nushi said, a little uncertain. "You… Know a lot about that sort of thing?"
Cleopatra nodded proudly. "But of course. I am Pharaoh, the living incarnation of Horus, a God in human skin. I can tell these sorts of things."
"Your gods are on their way out, Cleopatra," Kentos bellowed. "The gods of Rome shall hold dominion over all!"
He pawed the ground with a snort, then charged forwards, body surrounded in energy.
Ariel pointed at the ground. "Magi Magika!"
A dry root popped out of the ground. Kentos tripped on it and yelped as he fell forwards, the energy shell breaking as he tumbled end over end, getting tangled up in his multiple limbs. Cleopatra and Nushi readied their blades, lashing out as he rolled past them, causing him to cry out as their swords cut into his sides.
"Better hope you didn't break a leg," Ariel shouted after him. "Or else they'll have to put you down and turn you to glue! Wait, do they do that in this time period? Does glue exist yet?"
"What an irreverent spirit," Cleopatra noted in amusement. "She reminds me of my own Nefer."
"What is she to you, exactly?" Nushi asked, hoping for a little more clarification than Mibojin got from Nefer.
"She is my pet," Cleopatra said fondly. "A cherished member of my household, a beloved companion and confidant with the same rights and privileges as myself."
"Who is subservient to you," Nushi pointed out.
"I am Pharaoh," Cleopatra reminded her. "All in Egypt are subservient to me. Is it not the same where you come from?"
Nushi started to argue, then hesitated, realizing that if Apista ordered it, she would happily debase herself before her and allow herself to be treated like a pet if it would make her smile, and love every second of it, because Apista had been the cause of her gay awakening and on some level she would always be in love with her, even though she was extremely happy with Ariel and Aranea and anyone else they occasionally brought to their bed.
"I would never do that!" Apista was quick to assert. "… Well. Not to you, anyway. I mean, I suppose if you and Ariel wanted to, I might consider it, but only so long as Aranea isn't involved, I know that technically when I sleep with most of my consorts it's incest by your standards but I draw the line with someone I consider one of my daughters-"
"Oh no, the centaur is getting back up, I guess he didn't get a broken leg after all!" Nushi exclaimed, desperately wanting to get out of this conversation.
"Well! We'll just see about that!" Ariel huffed, dropping out of the sky and landing on the startled Kentos' back.
Cleopatra did a double take. "What is she-"
"Hey! Get off there!" Kentos whickered, jumping around and bucking to try and kick Ariel off, but unfortunately, the sorceress used a sticking charm to secure herself on his back.
"I don't think so!" Ariel cried, grabbing the plume of Kentos' helmet and pulling it back, causing him to yelp. "You've been a bad, bad horsey! So I think I'm going to teach you some discipline, and I apologize in advance if this is a bit rough, it's been a while since I last rode my grandfather."
Cleopatra stared. "She… She means her grandfather's horse, right?"
"No, her grandfather can turn into a centaur sometimes," Nushi explained. "Granted, a pretty big one, and… Come to think of it, I'm not sure Ariel can make herself big enough to ride him without becoming a giant magical fox spirit… Ariel, honey, how do you ride your grandpa when you're a fox?"
"Very carefully!" Ariel replied, digging her heels into Kentos' sides and smacking his rear with her wand. "Yeah! Giddyup!"
Kentos whinnied in dismay and lurched forwards, stampeding wildly across the sands, Ariel forcing him to go where she wanted by pulling on his helmet and kicking his sides, leading him into trampling over several of his own troops.
"Guide him toward us!" Cleopatra commanded before glancing at Nushi. "I'll take him high, you take him low."
Nushi nodded. "Right. Wait, what do you mean you'll take him high-"
Cleopatra tapped her bracer and raised it skyward. "Horus, I beseech thee! Grant me the power of your wings! GOD BOOST!"
"Oh, that's what you mean," Nushi realized as the eye on the bracer glowed red and several red bandages burst out of it and wrapped themselves around Cleopatra's body, giving her talons on her feet, a pair of resplendent wings, and a hawk beak growing from her face.
"Ready yourself!" Cleopatra announced, taking off with a flap of her wings, sending sand flying as she rose above Nushi.
Nushi crouched, drawing back her blade. "Ready!"
Kentos' eyes widened in horror, realizing what he was about to run into. "No, wait! Stop! STOP!"
With tremendous effort, he dug his hooves into the sand, trying to stop himself, and kicked off with his rear legs as hard as possible, finally managing to dislodge Ariel, who went flying over his head, tumbling end over end before landing face first in the sand, leaving her wagging tails sticking out.
Unfortunately, he applied the brakes too late, and skidded right between Nushi and Cleopatra, who lashed out with sword and khopesh and talons and wings as he passed, causing him to howl in agony as he crashed into a sand dune with a small explosion.
"Ariel! Are you okay?" Nushi shouted as her girlfriend extricated herself from the sand.
"Whoo! I want to do it again!" She cheered excitedly, throwing her hands into the air like she didn't care.
"She is definitely like Nefer," Cleopatra noted. "You are a very lucky woman."
"I really am," Nushi said fondly, transmitting as much of her love to Ariel as she could, causing her to swoon.
"Your Majesty! We have routed all of the soldiers!" Akilah announced as she and the other Egyptrangers rushed over.
"Hey, we took out at least as many as you did!" Goro retorted as he rolled over, the rest of the Bugrangers riding on his back.
"It's not a competition," Antares told them firmly, carrying Aranea on his shoulders. "Because that would imply any of you actually had a chance of beating me."
"He did kill an astounding number," Gozim admitted grudgingly. "My God is quite impressed."
"As he should be," Antares preened.
There was a gunshot, and Mira blew the smoke from her gun as the last of the legionnaires that had tried to besiege her and the others fell to the ground with a hole in the head. "All clear up here, dad!"
"We helped!" Aki added, waving her wand and accidentally launching a fireball that nearly took Galacta's head off. "Whoops! Sorry!"
"Aki, you really need to be more careful," Luna groaned in exasperation.
"My ax has feasted well this day," Shitsuki said calmly, their weapon dripping with gore.
"As have I!" Neycombe announced as one last legionnaire turned to glass and shattered, the surface of the dune littered with similar shards of broken glass. "Not the best vintage, but there's something to be said for devouring the soul the old-fashioned way rather than through social media."
"I've had better meals," Fuuka said, licking the blood from her fangs.
"Cutaros, why are you wearing that one legionnaire's face like a mask?" Philia asked.
The Imagin shrugged. "I dunno."
Kari gave the more monstrous children a worried look. "… Should we really be letting our kids associate with them?" She wondered.
"Mom, I'm dating a ninja with a sizable body count and Shitsuki is currently licking the blood off their ax," Mira pointed out.
"Honey, I think we can all agree it's too late for your sibling," Kari stated.
"Then it would seem all that's left is you," Cleopatra noted as Kentos staggered back to his hooves.
Nushi nodded in agreement. "Right! Okay everyone, let's ready the Buzz Bomber-"
"Wait, how's that going to work in my Super form?" Goro asked.
Everyone considered this. "Well, you've got two Buzz Blasters right there," Shin pointed out.
"Yeah, but which one would we even use?" Goro retorted. "Plus, do we even need the Buzz Bomber? I'm pretty sure I've got more than enough firepower to finish him off right now."
"Well, you could, but then what would the rest of us do?" Ariel argued. "Just stand around?"
"Isn't that what we do anyway?" Mibojin pointed out. "I mean, we all assemble the cannon, but then we basically stand around while Nushi points and fires."
"It's a time-honored tradition! That's how it's supposed to be done!" Ariel insisted.
"Maybe not all of us are happy with the red Ranger getting the focus all the time," Mibojin retorted.
"I could let you hold the Buzz Bomber next time if you want," Nushi offered.
"Thank you, but that's not the point-"
"I think you took too long, it looks like the Egyptrangers are going to finish him off," Aranea observed as the Egyptrangers placed their hands over each other and raised them into the sky.
"Ammit! Come forth, and pass judgment on this wretched soul!" Cleopatra cried.
The earth trembled slightly, and sand flew everywhere as a large object burst out of the ground and landed in her arms. It was a golden bazooka resembling a mix between a crocodile, a lion, and a hippopotamus, with the crocodile head forming the barrel, the lion torso and forelegs the body, and the hippo's legs and rear making up the stock and trigger. Growing from the back was a small set of scales with an eye of Horus serving as a sight, with a small metal feather in one pan, and a crystal heart in the other.
A tongue extended from the crocodile's mouths and licked its lips. "Whose soul shall I be judging today, your Majesty?" The weapon hissed in a sibilant female voice.
"Kentos, Centurion of the Roman legion!" Cleopatra declared, pointing at the centaur.
Kentos' eyes widened in horror. "Oh shit!"
He tried to run, but a beam of light projected from the eye of Horus, striking his chest and freezing him in place as a giant eye of Horus manifested behind him. "Now, let the scales of justice determine your fate!" Ammit growled hungrily as the scales started swaying back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.
Kento started sweating furiously. "Come on, I was just following orders all those times I butchered civilians! And those villages I burned down? They totally had it coming! And those mares were playing hard to get, honest!"
Gozim shook his head. "You really aren't helping your case here."
"Do we really need to go through this every time?" Akilah complained. "The verdict is always the same."
"Yes, we have to do this every time," Cleopatra replied, sounding like they'd had this argument dozens of times. "To do otherwise would do a disservice to Maat."
"And besides, surely they can't all be irredeemably evil," Thotep pointed out. "Right?"
"Hasn't happened yet," Akilah grunted.
Ariel tilted her head. "Am I the only one getting Dekaranger flashbacks?"
"No, I see it too," Shin told her. "Wonder if they got the idea from here somehow…"
"You know, I always wondered where the voice that explains how their transformation, weapons, and finishing move works comes from," Goro commented. "You think we should get something like that?"
"No, it would get horribly repetitive very fast," Antares said bluntly.
"Like our transformation sequences," Mibojin added.
"Excuse me?!" Ariel snapped. "You did NOT just throw shade on my perfectly crafted transformation sequences!"
"What? They're overly flashy and take too long!" Mibojin protested.
"They're supposed to be like that!" Ariel insisted. "It's tradition!"
"Well, maybe some traditions need to be broken!" The ninja shot back.
"Don't you come from a fairly traditional ninja order?" Goro pointed out.
"I'm aware of the hypocrisy," Mibojin grunted unhappily.
"Guys, I think they're finished!" Nushi yelled.
The scales slowed down, finally coming to a rest…
With the heart side down.
Ammit's eyes flashed. "IMPURE!"
Kentos shrieked. "No, wait-"
"Divine Punishment! Heart-eating Purifire!" The Egyptrangers cried as Cleopatra pulled the trigger of the cannon.
Ammit's jaws opened wide as her head shot forwards, growing bigger and bigger until it was at least the size of the ShinLiner's engine car. Kentos screamed in terror as the immense crocodile head snapped her jaws shut over him, swallowing him whole. There was a flash of light in the shape of an anatomically correct heart, and the head exploded, taking the centaur with it.
The Egyptrangers dramatically turned their back on the explosion as Ammit belched. "Justice… Is with the gods!" Cleopatra declared.
Ariel applauded. "Whoo! Nice job! Quick question: do the monsters here get bigger when they die too, or is that not a thing?"
Thunder rumbled on the horizon.
"I think we're about to find out," Aranea said wearily.
Cart groaned. "NONE of this is historically accurate!"
"Maybe not, but it's still my best birthday ever!" Philia giggled. "Also, Cutaros, get rid of that face, it's gross and you're freaking Jun and Veila out."
"Ugh, fine."
