Chapter 37

Cross-Brain AN: A quick Shout Out to our rival, DuncanIdaho2014, before we get all of this started, along with a massive congratulations: New Game Plus has surpassed Once Again in Favorites, meaning that it is officially the second most popular One Piece fic in the fandom! You deserve no less, Duncan.

Xomniac AN: Watch your back, rat-bastard, we're climbing fast and we'll be butting heads on equal ground soon enough!

Patient AN: Oh, come now, don't let our congratulations be obscured by your ego, Ego.

Xomniac AN: Har har, never heard that one before.

"SOUNDBITE, WILL YOU CUT IT OUT WITH THE ORCHESTRA?!" I snapped as I clung to the side of the vessel for dear life, on account of Joey speeding along the canals of Water 7 way faster than what was probably legal. The reason for my ire was that Soundbite had decided on a very upbeat brass and string instrumental for chase music.

"NO WAY! THOSE OUTFITS—WAGH!—MAKE IT PERFECT!" the snail snapped back, clinging onto my jacket with all the strength his jaws could muster as a bullet grazed his shell.

"Yeah, well, word to the—WISE!" I held up one of my gauntlets to block another bullet. "—the Blues Brothers never went on the offensive! And besides that, I seriously doubt that these bastards have even heard of them!" I griped before blinking as a thought hit me. "Actually, on that note, why are they dressed like—THAT?"

"Looks ta' me like they're impersonatin' Worl' Gummint' officials!" Joey offered, turning his head to look over his shoulders, showing no visible worry at seeing me fending off bullets or any problems navigating the canals. "People do it all the—TIME!" He took a sharp left that resulted in the Unluckies momentarily heading the wrong way. "—when trying to kill one another, keeps bystanders from interferin'!"

"Seriously?" Soundbite asked in confusion. "HOW THE HECK does that work!?"

"Sheer reputation," Lassoo growled as he glared daggers at the pursuing animals. "In any other clothing, someone would try to help us, or at least stop the gun-toting maniacs, but so long as they're wearing suits—" He paused long enough to spit a Cani-Slick in the water and another Cani-Blast at the sky, neither of which helped with how fast the damn pests were moving. "—nobody even blinks twice! It's a common assassin's tactic. After all, who in their right minds would be stupid enough to interfere with World Government business?" He filled his jaws with the tar of Cani-Plaster before firing out a ball of the stuff along with a blaze of Cani-Palm, sending a very potent fireball at 13. That done, he huffed and turned around with a roll of his eyes. "Excluding present company, of course."

"Yeah, well—gnn!" I cut myself off with a bit-out grunt as I ducked under a bullet that had come way too close to giving me a third eye. Behind me, 13 shot out of the water and flipped through the air over Lassoo's fireball before pulling off an Olympic level swan dive back into the canal.

It was at that point that my temper flared a bit, and I slowly climbed to my feet, precariously balancing myself in the shaky vessel. "Alright, that's it. I hate a lot of things in life, but right now, there are three in particular that I really despise." I took a shaky step towards the back of the boat. "I hate the World Government." I shot my other foot up so that it was firmly planted on the rear wall of the vessel. "I hate Illinois Nazis, and most of all?"

I snapped my hand to the side with my grip open, a grip that Lassoo promptly filled by leaping up and swapping to his gun-form. I balanced the dog-gun on my shoulder and took aim, although the suitcase of cash hanging off my wrist put me a bit off-balance. "I fucking hate furry jackass bastards who can't get a fucking CLUE! CANI-CANNON BARRAGE!"

The shaky nature of my footing very nearly resulted in me being knocked clean on my ass by Lassoo's recoil as he belted out a full salvo of his signature projectiles, but I powered through it and attempted to direct the projectiles so that they would take out at least one of our pursuers.

Sadly, however, our efforts were rendered all for naught when 13 suddenly blasted out of the water, got his footing on a windowsill, and then leapt up to grab Friday's talons. The buzzard in turn flared her wings out so as to both kill her speed and climb high into the air, falling out of range of the explosions in a matter of moments.

I clicked my tongue in annoyance as I watched them fall back. "Well, that's inconvenient."

Lassoo snorted derisively as he shifted back into his hybrid mode on my shoulder. "Those two might be creeps, but they were high in the Baroque Works foodchain for a damn good reason."

"Yeh, well, they're gone now!" Joey shrugged as he slowed his pace and turned out into a larger, more crowded mainstream canal. A few of the civilians milling about recoiled fearfully and gave me a wide berth at the sight of the cannon I was toting, but other than that everyone acted as though it were business as usual. "So, youse ready to head back towads Franky House then?"

I started to reply before pausing as a thought struck me. "Actually… yeah, now that I think about it, Franky should be able to handle them, heading to the House would probably be for the best…" I grimaced as I started scanning the skies. "But don't think for a second that these bastards are done yet. A few measly explosions aren't going to drive them off."

Joey snickered as he swerved through the canal's traffic, up one of the river-ramps and onto the rooftop routes. "Yeh, well, even if they do come back, it won't matter much. After all, in case you didn' notice, Water 7's half pirate town! Sure, sure, the Galley-La boys help keep the peace and so do tha Franky Family, to an extent, but there'll always be dat theya undahbelly! We yagaras're considah'd rookies until we get inta at least one high-speed chase! We're pretty jaded when it comes tah violence."

SMASH! SPA-LASH!

Friday chose that time to suddenly dive-buzz us, dropping Mr. 13 onto a passing Yagara in the process.

With a ridiculously minimal amount of effort, Mr. 13 dislodged the Bull's former passengers into the water and then snapped a pistol—a revolver, to be specific—to the back of the Yagara's head. He then proceeded to jab the other revolver he was clutching towards us, leaving no doubts as to his intentions.

"Huh. I was wonderin' when we'd see da month's first gunpoint jacking. Poor Flippah, dat's no way tah lose a bettin' pool," Joey remarked in a casual, if slightly strained voice.

"Joooeeey," I grit out uncomfortably.

"Eh, don' worry aboud it," Joey said dismissively. "Flippah's an old vet at these kinda stunts, that rats in foah a nasty surprise."

As if on cue, the Yagara in question spun his body on an axis, dunking 13 and his saddle in the water in one swift move.

Sadly, however, 13 wasn't affected in the least.

THWACK!

Worse yet, going by the way the otter had pistol-whipped his hostaged mount, all it had done was severely piss him off.

I swallowed heavily as the captive Yagara Bull started closing the distance between us. I really hated it when this damn bastard demonstrated that he was actually smart; now I couldn't try blasting him with Lassoo unless I wanted to risk harming the Yagara as well, not to mention the rest of the civilians around us. "Still think that this is your average Wednesday afternoon?"

Joey grit his teeth as he put on speed and started accelerating down the skyway. "What I think is dat I'm pissed off 'cause one of my friends has got a frickin' psycho-assassin stickin' to his back like glue!" He glanced backwards, his mouth a grim line, as the other Yagara started to catch up with us. "And I'm also a bit nervous because Flippah's as fast in the water as I am! Hope you're ready for a scrape!"

I groaned miserably as I shifted Lassoo so that he was hanging on my back and flexed my fingers in readiness. "And me without my freaking baton…" I groused miserably.

All too soon Flippah drew up alongside us, at which point he swerved to the right and slammed his flank into my ride. "Sorry, Joey!" he apologized through grit teeth. "But you know how it is: when your life's on the line!"

"Do what ya gotta do, I know, I know," Joey nodded with a sidelong glare. "And I only got one thing ta say in response!" Joey swerved out and promptly rammed right back into Flippah, butting heads with the opposing Yagara. "Right back atcha, bub!"

While the two Bulls shoved against one another, I was treated to the sight of 13 leering viciously as he cocked back the hammer on his second gun, aiming it straight at my center mass.

I didn't have time to think, time to even react properly, all I could do was snap my arm up in an instinctive act of defense…

BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG!

And then blink in surprise as the unloading of the gun's entire cylinder did absolutely nothing. The sentiment was one that Mr. 13 mirrored perfectly, even going so far as to intently examine his gun.

For my part, I looked down at my torso in an attempt to find out what the hell had happened, and in the process I inadvertently got my answer.

Once I had it, though, I grinned savagely as I jerked my arm up and caught the handle of the very heavy, very bulletproof briefcase that was chained to me. "Isn't it amazing what kind of protection ฿100 Million can buy?" I taunted as I fell into a ready stance.

13 swiftly recovered, scowling viciously as he snapped his gun back into his jacket and whipped out a trio of knives that he held between his paw's fingers like metal claws.

I grimaced as I held up the briefcase. "Nami's gonna kill me…" I muttered.

And with that, we were at it. Mr. 13 swung his knives at me, I blocked with the briefcase—and just as I was winding up to swing back, Joey and Flippah promptly swerved away from each other.

"Ah, hey, what are you—!" I began before another Yagara bull shot past us. "Ah, right, live traffic. Carry on!"

"Same 'ta you!" Flippah and Joey snarled as they slammed back into one another, clearly getting into it.

It was weird seeing the two Yagara Bulls fighting. They were holding back some; after all, I knew they could bite, and they sure weren't doing that. Instead, they were slamming their muscular necks against each other. It was bizarre, and also rather dangerous, seeing as both Mr. 13 and I spent half our time avoiding getting brained by their flailing heads.

The other half? Mr. 13 failing to get past the briefcase as I blocked him, and me trying and failing to hit him as he ducked and squirmed around my blows like a greased lamprey while keeping his gun trained on Flippah all the while. It was really quite frustrating, especially since Joey screwed up my swing more than once and the damn otter was only barely handicapped as he tried to keep up with Flippah.

The two bulls only split apart again to avoid an oncoming Yagara bus—yes, that's apparently a thing, I shouldn't be surprised—and when they came towards each other they were on a clear collision course, their heads reared back to strike. This was it. No janking, no shakes, no chance for our mounts to screw up our aim. Hell, the charge even helped us by adding momentum.

The two bulls sped closer and closer as Mr. 13 tensed his legs and I wound up a swing. Finally, they were less than six feet from each other, and I began my swing even as Joey and Flippah swung their necks and the otter leapt towards me—and was promptly batted out of the sky, following which he bounced off of the skyway's railing and fell out of sight.

All of us promptly stilled as we blinked after him in surprise.

"That was easy," Soundbite summarized in a casual tone.

"Bit anti-climactic, if you ask me," Flippah shrugged, almost in disappointment.

"Oh, don't worry, we're not done yet," Lassoo provided from where he was hanging on my back.

"Yeh?" Joey looked back at us in confusion. "How come?"

"Second verse, only slightly flipped from the first." Lassoo angled a flat look over my shoulder at the Bull. "Where's Miss Friday?"

Both my eyes and Soundbite's shot wide in shock as we slowly exchanged terrified looks. "Uh…" we hedged uncomfortably.

We received an answer in the form of a mechanical whirring noise above us. One look was enough to confirm that not only had Friday caught up with us again, but she was toting a—

I blinked as I processed just what she was holding. "Is… Is that a hand-crank operated rotary gun?"

"Guess she musta found a weapon smuggler's stash," Joey provided weakly. "Go figure, huh?"

I swallowed heavily as I slowly brought my arm around my back to grip Lassoo. "Any chance that I can shoot her down before she gets it up to speed?"

Friday grinned malevolently as she shifted one of her talons so that it was pressing a trigger on the weapon's handle, her other leg still spinning the crank as fast as it would go.

"Guess not!" Soundbite yelped.

"MOVE!" I yelled, acting on instinct and leaping out of Joey's saddle and over the edge of the skyway—

RATATATATATAT!

—just as Friday opened fire and started peppering the space I'd occupied moments before with lead.

For the briefest of moments, I soared with the grace of a majestic eagle.

SMASH!

Then I smashed through something with all the grace of Luffy.

I took a second to get my head on straight, but once I did I was able to realize that I was sitting on what had once been a very beautiful pile of rugs in what had once been a very well-organized market stall.

I also realized that a double-barreled shotgun was being stuck in my face, courtesy of the noticeably peeved owner of said stall.

Maintaining my calm, I dug my briefcase out of the wreckage of the stall's roof, clicked it open and removed a wad of beris, which I held out to the owner. "For your troubles."

The shotgun promptly vanished as the man beamed and accepted the cash. "Thank you very much for your patronage, sir. Would you like the rugs delivered to your ship?"

"Oh, absolutely," I nodded with a grin. "But, ah, at a later date, right now we're in the process of swapping ships and I have an assassin to deal with, so if you'll please excuse me!" And with that cheerfully polite remark, I shot out of the stall like a bat out of hell and took stock of my surroundings.

And a corner of my mind promptly began cursing the Unluckies for not giving me more of a chance to stare in awe at the marketplace I found myself in. Food stalls here, (well-armored) porcelain stalls there, little bit of everything everywhere else, and it was all packed with people.

Though thankfully it wasn't so packed that I wasn't able to react when Soundbite suddenly sucked in a breath.

"Move!"

I obeyed him and jerked to the side, ducking into a stall just as a fast and long shadow tore through across the street.

I panted for a second as I got my breath back before pausing as a thought occurred to me. I then snapped my fingers in front of Soundbite and pointed at the skyway above us before speaking. "Joey, you alright?"

I sighed in relief when the Brooklyn accent sounded out. "Yeh, don't worry, Flippah and I got out alright. We dove when that bee-yotch opened fiyah. But you bettah believe that we ah pissed! Look, kid, you're in da Huron Bazaar, right?"

"Ah…" I glanced at Soundbite for confirmation, and he nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Good! Look, it's a big and confusin' place, but if you can find your way to da water, den I can arrange some transportation for ya to da Franky House!"

I blinked in surprise before grinning gratefully. "Really? That's great! Where do you want me to head for?"

"Don' worry aboud findin' us, just get to the water and we'll find you!"

Now that really surprised me. "Seriously? You sure?"

"Absolutely!" Joey proclaimed confidently. "After all, you made a friend of the Union, and the Union don't forget its friends no matter what, capiche?"

"Ah, what do you—?"

"INCOMING!"

I barely had enough time to spin around and snap up my gauntlet as Mr. 13 burst through one of the walls of the stall I was in, his blade halting as it stabbed into my armored glove.

"Impact, jackass!" I snarled as I flexed my knuckles.

THWACK!

The sound of 13's nose crunching as he was blown back the way he'd come was immensely satisfying.

Sadly, as enjoyable as that sound was, the whirring sound that echoed above me made it evident that I'd overstayed my welcome. Honestly, the bullets that tore after me as I ran like hell only served to add insult to injury, though thankfully the bazaar-goers had already started running when Friday had come into firing range.

My little run was not fun, on account of how I had a multitude of obstacles to maneuver around: stalls selling various wares that were rarely left intact when I passed them, individuals who were either brave or stupid enough to still be out and about shopping in spite of the clear hell that was following me, and more than a few carts being used to transport goods, either left abandoned in the middle of their owners' panic…

I groaned as I caught sight of the mass of logs and vegetables rolling across my path.

Or, of course, their owners could still be moving them. Damn the Grand Line's skewing of survival instincts!

Acting on instinct, I pumped my legs and leapt onto the table of a nearby stall, from which I managed to spring onto the wood of the cart, and from there clear over the cart itself.

I landed in a roll and came up crouching and facing Friday with Lassoo drawn on my shoulder, aimed right at her weapon. "Cani-Plaster!" I barked.

A ball of tar shot out of Lassoo's metallic maw at cannonball-like speeds and splattered against the buzzard's oversized weapon, sending a cascade of viscous liquid splattering both within the weapon itself and over Friday as well.

The avian assassin hacked and spat as she flapped her wings in a panic, and in the midst of her panic she just so happened to press the trigger of said weapon. The trigger activated the rotary gun's trigger mechanism, obviously…

BOOM! "SQUAWK!"

Which in turn ignited the tar and caused both Friday and her weapon to go down in a nice and glorious fireball, even going so far as to land on the cart I'd managed to leap over.

However, as loud as the explosion was, it wasn't loud enough to overshadow what came next.

"MY CABBAGES!"

My eye twitched furiously as I put Lassoo back on my back. "Please tell me that was you, Soundbite…" I groaned.

"What a glorious world we LIVE IN!" Soundbite sang gleefully. "By the way, ON YOUR THREE."

I promptly spun on my heel and lashed my arm out, smashing Mr. 13 dead-on with my briefcase and sending him careening into a nearby stall.

"HA!" I jumped and pumped my fist victoriously. "HOME RUN, JACKASS! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?"

"A lot, I'd imagine."

"Eh?" I blinked over my shoulder at Lassoo.

"That was a weapons vendor," he explained flatly.

"EH?"

13 chose that moment to leap back into sight, sporting both a shotgun that was larger than he was and a truly vicious grin.

I ground my teeth as I glared bloody murder at the aquatic rat. "I will eat you, you little—!"

BANG!

"GAH!" I yelped, hastily leaping behind the counter of the stall nearest me. Thankfully, the counter itself was made of metal, so the next blast of buckshot ricocheted rather than perforating me.

I panted and shifted around as I tried to get my breath back, and I jumped when my shoulder knocked into a bottle behind me in the process. "What the—? What is this place?"

"EH…" Soundbite's eyes swiveled for a moment as he took in our surroundings. "Looks like a stir-fry STATION!"

A quick glance around confirmed his assumption: ingredients, dishes, cooking utensils, even a grill with a—!

The THUNK! of 13 leaping onto the counter above me prompted me to shoot to my feet. I jerked my arm up—!

KLANG! SPLASH!

"WAAAAAAGH!"

And promptly revelled in 13's tortured scream as I splashed a wok-full of sizzling grease on him. Still, knowing just how much sheer punishment these bastards could take, I wasn't even close to willing to let things lie there. As such, I snapped a bright red bottle of something out from under the counter and shoved its nozzle in his jaws.

I grinned devilishly as his flailing became as much panicked as it was pained. "Icy revenge is nice, but know that some like it spicy, shitstain!" And with that, I throttled the bottle, flooded his mouth with the stuff—!

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

And promptly ducked under the tongue of flame that he all but vomited before running off in a blind panic.

I patted down a scant few embers that had ignited on my cap before grinning as I spun the bottle in my hand. "I guess that it's true what they say! If you can't take the heat—!"

C-CLICK!

I was cut off by the sound of a gun cocking behind me, prompting my spine to snap ramrod straight in terror.

"I'll have what he's having," Friday rasped.

I gulped audibly, steeling my nerves before scowling over my shoulder. "All you had to do was ask!" And with that I spun around and sprayed a bottle at the buzzard's beak.

Friday opened her beak and accepted the stream of condiments with an eager grin… for all of three seconds before doubling over and retching in disgust. "W-What the—!?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, were you expecting the sriracha like your little buddy?" I leered as I dangled the beige bottle I was holding before her eyes. "Yeah, we just ran out, so I settled for using horseradish instead. I didn't offend your delicate, capsaicin-proof palate, did I?"

Friday huffed and wheezed as she raised her head and glared bloody murder at me through her tears. "I-I'm going to—!"

"Enjoy your main course? Coming right UP!" I snarled out the last word as I whipped out a spare wok and rammed it over her skull. "And of course, let's not forget dessert!" I rammed Soundbite onto the metal of the pan. "Snail fondue."

"I'm all about DAT BASS!"

"GWAGH!" Friday reeled and stumbled away in agony on account of the pan on her skull vibrating like a bell.

Satisfied with the state of disarray the pair of assassins were in, I booked it right out of the marketplace as fast as I possibly could and beelined for the closest waterway I could find. I'd just managed to run up onto a bridge—

"DUCK!"

When I was forced to fling myself to the ground in order to avoid yet another talons-first buzz from Friday, albeit a very shaky one.

"Don't these guys ever give up?" I growled as I shot to my feet and broke into a sprint, eyeing Miss Friday as she looped around for another pass.

"Apparently no—PINEAPPLE!"

"What? Pineapple? What do you—gah!?" I choked off in horror as I caught sight of the thing flying at my head.

Y'know those cartoon bombs? Black metal sphere with a burning fuse at the top? Yeah, I had a split second to blink at one sailing through the air, courtesy of a sunglasses-clad otter, before reacting. And the worst part? He threw it at me from further down the bridge. How the hell he'd managed to get in front of me without my noticing, I had no idea.

"Ugh, this is a terrible idea…" I groaned, before throwing myself off the bridge and onto a tied-up gondola floating in the canal. The bomb went off with a loud bang, shattering the bridge and sending chunks of stone into the canal, though thankfully none actually hit me. However, I had no time to celebrate as Friday swooped in for another pass, this time only missing Soundbite and my shoulder by a matter of inches as I jerked to the side.

"If you stand still, you'll be shredded!" Soundbite yelped. "DUCK! WEAVE! RUN!"

"Yeah, slight problem with that," I muttered as I glanced at the sidewalk, where Mr. 13 was waiting and grinning as he tossed another bomb up and down. "And where the hell did he pull that thing from, anyway?! He's only wearing a damn suit!"

"Crocodile didn't only hire those two pests because they have skulls of wrought iron," Lassoo growled. "And also, if the normal way out is closed, than I suggest taking another route."

One glance ahead confirmed that the dog-hybrid had the right idea. Thankfully, we'd landed in the middle of a boat storage area, where there were enough tied-up hulls stretching down the waterway to form a makeshift artificial bridge.

I gritted my teeth and cracked my neck back and forth uncomfortably. Jumping for my life while wearing armor and toting both a small cannon and a little under a hundred million beris in cash. Fun.

The flash of a shadow swooping over me again prompted me to finally move, and I hopped over to the next boat down as the vulture sped through where I'd been moments earlier. The process repeated for three more boats before I saw another bomb fly over my head.

"What's he—?" I started to mutter before being cut off by the bomb exploding—right under the next boat. Which was now sinking by the stern.

Letting out a frustrated groan, a quick glance around confirmed that 13 was still following me on the shore and that Friday was still flying overhead.

"Damn furry bastards!" I snarled as I jumped onto the yet-visible prow of the sinking boat, which, naturally, only made it sink faster. I needed to move fast to the next boat, and my panic wasn't helping. Nor was Friday actually clipping my shoulder as I barely dodged in time.

Still, shaky though my landing was, I managed to make it to the next boat, and for whatever reason the Unluckies weren't doing anything, so I had room to breathe for a bit. Which, in turn, allowed me to notice that 13 was hanging back on the dock with a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Well, that's not a good sign…" I muttered to myself as I tried to puzzle out what their tactic was.

"Uh, Cross?" Soundbite asked, a hint of fear in his voice.

"Not now, Soundbite," I replied as I waved my hand dismissively, my thoughts occupied with more pressing matters. What was that otter up to?

"Cross, seriously."

"Soundbite, unless we're headed straight for a waterfall or something—"

"WE ARE!" Lassoo howled fearfully.

I blinked, then stiffened as I noticed that yes, the scenery around us was moving and yes, that was because the boat we were on was moving too. Dreading what I would see, I glanced behind us. My eyes widened as I realized that the mooring post the boat had been connected to had a combat knife buried in it, that the mooring line was cleanly severed and that we were slowly drifting towards an abrupt drop IN THE FUCKING CANAL SHIT!

"Fucking bastards!" I barked, frantically looking around for some way to avert this. "Damn it damn it damn it, is there an anchor? An oar? Anything?!"

"Just me."

And with that, Miss Friday's beak jabbed me in the small of my back and pushed us forward and off the edge.

Amidst the stream of cursing coming from my mouth and the vulture recipes that Soundbite was belting out, I braced myself for a very wet landing…

CRASH! "…eep," I squeaked in pain when I instead smashed into something very hard in a… shall we say, compromising position.

"Hey, youse boys alive back there?" the Yagara Bull I'd somehow landed on asked in concern.

"…lemme get back to you on that," I squeaked from my impromptu splits on the seat-back of said Yagara's saddle, the middle rammed between my legs until I tipped to the side and collapsed. "Soundbite? Do me a favor and take note of this: I need to ask Usopp to build a cup for me the instant we see him again."

"And I should give up this COMEDY WHY?" Soundbite cackled.

I snarled viciously as I started to right myself. "Because otherwise, I'll dunk you in saltwater every time this happens from now on!"

I took an immense amount of satisfaction in Soundbite's terrified expression. "YOU WOULDN'T!" he cried.

"Try me; I'm sure you-know-who would love a two-for-one," I bit out before finally managing to focus all of my attention on the Yagara whose back I was on. "Does that answer your question?" I asked dryly, before blinking in surprise as I realized that holy crap, I'd landed on a Yagara Bull. "And, ah, who are you?"

"Eheh, sorry 'bout da rough landin', bub," the Yagara winced with a sympathetic snicker. "And anyways, names ain't important! Just know dat I'm wid da Union! Now hang on tight!" He looked up with a grimace as Friday wheeled around overhead. "Dese bozos ain't gonna letcha go just yet, so gettin' ya ta where ya need ta go is gonna be tricky!"

"Yeah, well—!" The flash of a shadow over me prompted me to look up. I bit out a curse and rammed my fist onto the side of the saddle as 13 dove towards us. "SCREW GENTLE, GO ROUGH, MOVE MOVE MOVE!"

"YOUSE GOT IT!" the Bull roared as he went from zero to sixty in no time at all, tearing down the canal in a blur of foam with 13 somehow managing to stay right on our tail.

"Are you really no faster than a freaking otter?" I grit out. In any other situation I'd try and be kinder, but right now 13 was just starting to tick me off.

"Normal ottahs, easily. Dat guy ain't normal…" He glanced over his shoulder with a grimace. "But he suah as heck ain't local eithah, so it all evens out. Fah now, let's see him keep up in da boondock labyrinth!"

So saying, the Yagara turned a corner towards a wide branching series of water-paths. He kept taking forks in the road, as fast as he could manage it, and each time resulted in Mr. 13 taking just a little longer to keep up. After a few minutes, 13 fell out of sight and the Yagara abruptly turned in an entirely different direction and stopped at a low-level sidewalk.

"Head across da plaza, hang a right, and don't stop until ya hit da end of da' block!" the Yagara ordered.

"Eh?!" I blinked in confusion. "But this isn't where we're headed!"

The Yagara made to answer, then flinched as the sound of splintering wood sounded out a fair distance away. "Do you wanna get there before that water-rat catches you or not!?"

"I'd listen to THE BULL if I were you!" Soundbite pleaded.

"Alright, I'm going!" I said as I leapt out and started sprinting as he'd ordered. Seconds later, there was a splash and the sound of someone running behind me, but I didn't look back as I made a beeline for the corner. A right turn and a few feet later found me waiting at the corner looking around in panic… before another Yagara Bull suddenly pulled up out of nowhere.

"I'm wid da Union, get on!" he said, his tone conveying no room for hesitation or argument. Neither did the sound of 13 catching up to me either, for that matter, which really moved me to leap onto the Bull's back and hang on for dear life as he tore off.

"Not as talkative as the other bulls," I muttered.

"Some of us prefah to concentrate on dah job," the bull muttered back, matching his words as he focused on making tracks in the water. He jetted around for a few more canals before stopping by a landing without warning. "Run ovah to da next street, get to da centah of the bridge and den jump. Youse got thirty seconds."

This time, I didn't even hesitate to jump out and book it, charging down the street and easily locating the bridge that spanned the canal. The fact that I couldn't hear Friday or 13 behind me was a good sign, but knowing those two, I seriously doubted I was safe. As such, I didn't hesitate to climb on the bridge's railing and throw myself over.

One second I was falling towards the (relatively) rushing water, and the next found me landing not-so-gracefully on the back of yet another Yagara Bull's gondola.

"Let me guess, you're with the Union?" I reasoned.

"Precisely," the Yagara pronounced without slowing down. "I'm da last in da chain, you'll be as close to Big Bros Sod and Gom's house as we can get youse once I getcha there." It paused before shooting a glare over its shoulder. "Also, though I appreciate bein' able ta talk, I'm a lady."

I jabbed my finger at Soundbite with a flat glare. "Blame him."

"What!? HELL NO, blame Canada!"

"This isn't South Park and I don't respect your 'authoritay', now fix it!" I snapped.

Soundbite had the good conscience to flinch slightly. "Ah, right. HOW'S THIS?"

The Yagara hummed contemplatively. "One and two, test test…" she grinned victoriously. "Yeah, this'll work! Thanks! Ah, and check it out!" She pulled up alongside the mouth of a relatively grimy alley in a rather rundown part of town. "Here yah ah! Just head on outta town and yah should be theyah, yah can't miss Franky House if'n yah tried!"

"Got it, thanks!" I said thankfully, waving at her as I climbed out. "And, just out of curiosity, what the heck is the Union and how powerful is it anyways?"

The Yagara donned a cocky grin. "Tha Union's short for the Yagara Bull's Workah Union, and for how powahful we ah, well…" Her grin widened by several molars. "Don't ask questions yah can't handle tha answah to." And with that, she sped off and turned out of sight.

I watched after her for a second before shrugging and turning to start walking down the alleyway. "So… seeing as we can't hear the pesky pair coming after us like bats out of hell anymore, you guys think we might have lost them?"

FWUMP!

"Not a chance in hell."

With an expression that was more incredulous and exasperated than terrified, I turned around to stare at where the Unluckies had landed behind me. They were thoroughly disheveled and clearly exhausted, but that hardly made them any less threatening than they had been at the start of this, in spite of all I'd done to them.

"Okay, seriously," I demanded in shock. "What damned circle of hell did Crocodile drag you two monsters out of!?"

"Kuraigana Island," Friday deadpanned.

"Freaking Humandrills…" 13 scowled.

I paused as I processed that before allowing my face to fall into a neutral expression. "…Yeah, that tracks. Ah, and by the way?" I tapped the side of my head. "Your sunglasses are askew." I stuck my palm out at them. "Gastro-Flash." And then there was light.

"YEARGH!"

I turned tail and ran as the pair reeled and clutched their eyes in agony. It only took me a minute to run past the edge of town and onto the meager wasteland that encircled the city proper, with the unique and eccentric Franky House laid out before me. It was at that point that a roar/squawk of fury sounded out behind me, prompting me to run even faster. Thankfully, the scrabble of talons on stonework meant that Friday was probably too exhausted to fly anymore, but that sure the hell didn't mean that I was willing to stop for even a moment. My muscles burned like all hell, but soon enough I managed to reach the doors of the House and shoulder my way inside without stopping.

Once inside, I didn't even pause for an instant as I barreled my way past the shocked members of the Franky Family. I dodged to the side in order to avoid someone grabbing me, baseball-slid under the legs of one of their no doubt part-giant members, and at one point I even went so far as to spring onto a poker table they'd set up and use it as a springboard from which I could leap across the heads of at least three more members.

Finally, I reached the raised dais at the back of the house where there were two couches set up opposite one another, and without missing a beat I vaulted over its backrest and landed in the seat across from none other than Franky, a.k.a. Cutty Flam, a.k.a. the boss of Water 7's underworld, a.k.a. our future shipwright. "Hi, there!" I chirped in a perfectly casual tone. "Franky, right? My name's Jeremiah Cross, of the Straw Hat Pirates! Maybe you've heard of me? Nice to meetcha!" I grabbed his hand and shook it for a second before noticing what he was holding in his other hand. "Oh, is that Cola? I haven't had any in forever! Mind if I have some? Thanks!" I didn't even wait for a response as I snatched the bottle from his hand and started draining it mercilessly.

Franky blinked in shock as I chugged the bottle he'd just been holding. "Wait, what the—?"

I finished the bottle off with a relieved sigh, followed by a gut-rattling belch. "Ahhh, now that hit the spot! Thanks for that, I ran here from halfway across the city, so I am parched! Anyway, sorry for barging in like this, but it was really important that I meet with you so that I could offer you the business deal of a lifetime!" I eagerly held my wrist up and pointed at the briefcase I was hauling. "Trust me, it'll be way worth your while!"

An instant later, the Unluckies filled the sides of the sofa beside me, shoving their guns against my temple with more than a little force.

My smile became rather fixed as I tried very hard not to move. "But, ah, first, before we get down to business, do you think you could help get rid of my little friends?" I winced as they pressed their weapons even harder. "Pretty please?"

Franky took in the situation for a second before grunting and starting to stand up. "Alright, you two, I don't know what your issue with him is, but let him—"

BA-BANG!

I flinched as the Unluckies shot Franky in the chest without even looking at him, knocking him back and bowling over both him and his sofa. They then proceeded to cock the secondary barrels on their pistols and re-aim them at me, all without missing a beat.

I swallowed heavily as I eyed my assailants before pausing as a thought struck me. "… Alright, I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth here, but I just have to know: why haven't you done it yet?"

The Unluckies tilted their heads in the slightest indications of confusion.

"Why haven't you shot me?" I clarified. "You've had me at gunpoint several times now, and it would only take a single second to send a bullet ripping through my skull. So why? Why haven't you killed me yet?"

The two of them exchanged looks for the briefest of seconds…

"Tsss…"

Before hissing out a sharp breath between their teeth…

"TSHAHAHAHA!"

And throwing their heads back and cackling in dark and malevolent humor.

Well, if I didn't think that these assholes were evil before…

"Tshahaha, ha, haaa…" 13 wound down to a light chuckle and shook his head as he wiped a finger beneath his eye. "Ah, man… we seriously overestimated you, Cross, we really did. The way you talked earlier, we thought you knew something of hatred, that you had a clue…"

"But if you even have to ask, then you really must have no idea of what hatred is like after all," Miss Friday shook her head in amusement. "You have no idea what it's like to truly despise someone, to hate their very existence with every fiber of your being that you can muster."

"Because you see," 13 picked up with a vicious grin as he ground his weapon against my skull. "That's what we feel for you. You're no longer a mere vendetta, no longer a grudge, you're the object of our hatred. We despise you, Jeremiah Cross, you and that snail of yours. We hate you on a conceptual level that we didn't think was possible until now. There are… truly no words that can be used to define the depths of our emotions."

"But as undefinable as our emotions are, one thing is undeniable." Friday's talons gouged into the sofa cushion, and her grip on her own gun shook slightly. "Taking your life in an instant, with a single bullet? That fate… is just too merciful. We just… we can't let it sit there, you see? We can't let you die that… that kindly. No, Jeremiah Cross, you won't die here, and not today either. You'll die at our safehouse, a long time from now. You will die alone, you will die in agony, and above all? You will die slowly, after we have performed every physically possible act of torture we can conceive or learn of. Do. You. Understand?"

I swallowed heavily as I swapped my gaze between the two utter psychopaths I was trapped between before slowly raising a finger. "Ah… I-I see… then, i-if I may ask you one more question?"

13 bared his fangs as he brought his face close to mine. "The last one you'll get before Friday rips your tongue out and eats it."

"Right…" I was forced to re-steel my nerves due to that particular image before managing to force a cocky grin in place. "Well, I just wanted to know if you were planning on doing all that you have lined up for me before or after the cyborg you ticked off kicks your asses."

Friday and 13 paused and visibly blinked in confusion. "Cy-what-now?" they chorused.

"Cyborg," I explained casually. "You know, half human, half machine. Something sort of like Mr. 1? Usually they're pure sci-fi, but there are a few examples out and about in the world today. Like, say…" I widened my grin as I looked up at the figure looming before us. "The SUPER! Boss of Water 7's underground?"

"Sup."

CLENCH!

It was at that point that two massive hands reached down and crushed the Unluckies' guns, as well as the limbs gripping them.

"GYAGH!" the animal-assassins cried in agony as Franky lifted them both up by their limbs and held them before his infuriated face.

"You two pests think that you can break into my house, shoot me without even a second thought, and then threaten someone's life like that without there being any consequences?" he growled. "I don't think so. And you—" He snapped his glare down to me, killing my nascent grin where it stood. "You intrude upon my home, shove past my boys, force me to meet with you, drink my Cola, and you actually think that I'll work for you?"

I swallowed heavily before plastering an only slightly shaky grin on my face. "For my crew, to be specific." I brought my briefcase onto my lap and clicked it open, showing off the contents. "And for a rather exorbitant commission at that."

Franky's expression remained set in stone for what felt like an eternity before a massive grin split his face. "Ice-for-Brains owes me a whole bundle of cash," he announced in a jovial tone. "You Strawhats are just as insane in real life as you make yourselves out to be on your show!"

"SIR! YOU OFFEND US!" Soundbite cried out in a faux-insulted tone before grinning maniacally. "OUR INSANITY delves deeper than any mortal mind can possibly IMAGINE."

"I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit," Zambai cut in.

"Deeper than even THAT!" Soundbite asserted.

Franky chuckled. "Well, I'm definitely looking forward to talking business with you guys." His expression then took on a hint of sadism as he held up the still-struggling Unluckies, causing them to stiffen in terror. "Lemme just deal with these pests first." And with that, he strode to the front of his dais and held the pair out for the rest of the Franky Family to see. "Boys? Do me a favor and educate these two on etiquette while I address our guest."

And with that, he flung the pair out into the crowd and walked back to the couch, summarily ignoring the sound of brawling and screaming that arose behind him.

"Now, then, it seems that we already know each other: Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite of the Straw Hat Pirates, founders and hosts of the SBS—"

"And Franky, ship dismantler and the head of Water 7's underworld, the most SUPER guy I'll ever have the pleasure of meeting?" I finished, grinning ear to ear.

"Looks like you're not the only one whose reputation precedes them," Franky said, grinning just as wide. "So, let's cut to the chase. First of all… what's with the Government otter and the vulture? I mean…" The cyborg shrugged casually. "Besides those bastards no doubt wanting your head on a spear anyway."

"Not Government, just wearing suits in order to coast off the rep," I said, waving my hand dismissively. "They used to work for Crocodile, but after we took him down Soundbite and I… paid them visits in prison as payback for attacking us during that particular fiasco. We…" I scratched my neck sheepishly. "May have escalated matters, which made them decide to kill us. This is the second time we've met them since we left Alabasta, and probably not the last."

"Huh…" Franky scratched his chin as he gazed over my shoulder at the mob behind us. "Ya know, I could do you a favor and put them on a spit. It wouldn't be any trouble, really."

"Nah, nah, it's fine, no need to go that far," I replied, shaking my head. "Just give them a beating and toss them… pretty much anywhere, really."

"Don't be an idiot, Cross."

I blinked and looked over my shoulder in surprise. "Lassoo?"

The Zoan-weapon growled and shifted on my back before pushing himself off so that he could roll to the ground, morphing to his full dog form as he did so. He glared up at me as he sat on his rump. "You heard me, Cross, I said don't be an idiot," he repeated. "You heard those two monsters, they're not going to give up trying to kill you any time soon. You can shake them or send them away, but they will be back. Better to kill them now and be done with it, once and for all."

I frowned at my weapon and shook my head in denial. "No, Lassoo. I've gotten this far without killing, I'm not about to stop now. I know that they'll be back, that's a given, but I'll handle them then like I handled them now."

"But next time you might not get anywhere near as lucky!" Lassoo snarled, his hackles raised in annoyance. "Next time they might lose their patience, next time they might hurt someone else!" He paused, panting, before backing down with a sympathetic look. "Look… Cross, if you don't want to kill them, that's fine, just let me do it! I've done it before, more times than I can count, there wouldn't be—"

"Wouldn't be any blood on my hands? Wrong. Inaction to stop a death like this would be as bad as doing it with my own two hands," I countered.

"FOR THE LOVE OF YOU-KNOW-WHO, CROSS, IT'S A water-rat and a feather-rat, BOTH OF WHICH WANT TO TORTURE US TO DEATH! Why are you showing THEM mercy?!" Soundbite snapped indignantly.

I shot a glare at him and opened my mouth to say something heated before hastily snapping my jaws shut and snorting out an aggravated breath. I took a second to get my thoughts together before grimacing and holding up my hands defensively. "I-I know, I know, but… look, I'm not naïve, alright? I know that I've been lucky in not having to kill so far, I know that one day I'm going to get into a situation where…" I looked down at my hands, almost imagining the blood there. "Where it'll be kill or no kill with no exit, no third option, but…" I shook my head in an effort to discard the thoughts. "But it's not going to be today, it's not going to be in cold blood, and above all else?"

My demeanor sharpened as I shot a vicious glare over my shoulder at the mob behind us. "I'm not going to let it be those two. I'm not going to give them the 'honor' of finally making me break. They can hate me and they can hunt me as much as they want, but at the end of the day?" I shook my head in disgust as I looked ahead. "I'm not going to let them make me like them. I'm not going to sink to their level, because the fact of the matter is that while they might be monsters, they're monsters motivated by hate, and that means that they just. Aren't. Worth it."

Lassoo and Soundbite stared at me, borderline awestruck expressions on their faces.

"C-Cross, I—!" Lassoo started to breathe.

And whatever he was about to say was then lost to the wind as the moment shattered to pieces. Said shattering resulted from the very, very undignified sound of a literally tough-as-nails cyborg bawling his eyes out.

"Seriously!? You are that hair-trigger!?" I squawked in disbelief.

"Sh-Shaddup, I'm not crying, you're crying!" wept the very clearly crying Franky.

"The hell I am!"

"Cross, I thought you said he was going to hit it off with Boss right away, not Chopper," Lassoo deadpanned.

"You haven't seen him SUPER yet," I muttered under my breath before sliding my headphones on. "Oh, and fair warning? I'm going to snap him out of it the fastest way I know how, so cover your ears."

Soundbite and Lassoo's expressions morphed into ones of panic as I slid my hand into my bag. "DON'T YOU DARE—"

BWAAAAAAAAAH!

The entirety of the Franky House reacted as the foghorn blared out. And seeing their faces, I couldn't help but chuckle. "I love this thing."

"WE KNOW!" everyone roared back.

"Geeze, that stupid horn is even louder in person," Franky grumbled as he dug his fingers in his ears. "Alright, moving on. Boys? Break them up, tie them up, and stick them in storage on the Puffing Tom." He looked at me in askance. "I can respect you not wanting them dead, but do you want me to make sure they can't come after you again?"

I turned to frown at the pair thoughtfully for a second before shrugging. "Yeah, go ahead, my conscience can live with that."

"Perfect! Hey, boys!" Franky belted out, getting his guys attention. "Don't kill 'em, but make sure to clip their wings and claws before you leave 'em. Oh!" He snapped his fingers as a thought hit him. "And they're a pretty close team, so keep them apart."

"Got it, Big Bro," Zambai saluted. "Destroyers, you're with me."

"Got it, Zambai," the part-giants chorused, gathering the twitching, groaning animals and binding them before heading out. As the door closed, the rest of the house looked at Franky, who made a careless gesture that signalled them to return to business as usual. With that, Franky sat back on his couch and grinned invitingly.

"So, Jeremiah Cross, what do the biggest smartasses in the world of pirates want with me?"

I made to respond—

SLAM! "JEREMIAH CROSS!"

—and was promptly cut off by the unmistakable sound of a door being kicked off its hinges, accompanied by the unmistakably furious voice of one Nefertari Vivi.

I stiffened in terror as I felt visual daggers slam into the back of my head, and I gave Franky a desperate look. "For the love of all that's holy, please tell me that this place has a bolthole."

Franky shook his head with a tsk. "Sorry, buddy, but it wouldn't do you any good. This chick looks like she's ready to move heaven and earth to rip your head off."

I winced, stood up and turned around as I mentally prepared any kind of excuse I could muster to keep my head attached to my neck… and was promptly brought up short when I actually caught sight of her. More specifically…

"What the hell—did you change your clothes!?"

Rather than the white blue-dotted sundress that she'd been wearing on the Merry, Vivi was currently clad in a beige suit-and-skirt combo and a scarlet tie. It was a bit plain, true, but it put off an air of pure professionalism.

"Aheheh, sorry, Cross," Conis apologized in a sheepish tone as she followed the steaming Princess through the collapsed door. She'd also changed her outfit so that she was wearing a professional-looking dark blue long coat, cyan khakis, and a white turtleneck, along with her white beret and the goggles hanging around her neck.

"What possible reason could there have been to go clothes shopping while I was fighting for my life!?" I demanded indignantly.

"Simple." Boss snorted out a cloud of smoke as he waddled into sight, wearing a pair of mirrored aviator sunglasses and a flak jacket. "She said that there was no way in hell that those two bastards would be able to crush someone as resilient as you."

"Ya gotta admit, she wath wight, wight?" Carue chuckled, having changed into a charcoal-grey cap and one of those white collar things with a matching scarlet tie.

"Of course she was!" Su snickered from Conis's shoulder. The fox was… actually as naked as usual. Don't really know what I was expecting.

I opened my mouth to protest, and settled for looking away as I coughed into my fist "Well, when you put it like that…"

"This…"

I stiffened as Vivi suddenly hissed viciously and started stalking forward, like some massive storm front encroaching on the horizon.

"This actually is going to be a thing with you, isn't it?" Vivi snarled viciously. "This is going to be a thing that happens every time we land on an island and you go out for a damn walk, isn't it? A thing that happens without fail and with increasing intensity!?"

I struggled to get my mental gears to grind as I backed away from her in terror. "A-Alright, Vivi, alright, l-let's just calm down and—!" I was cut off by backing into Franky's sofa, which gave Vivi the time she needed to hop onto the dais and loom over me. "L-Look, just what exactly did I do to deserve you being furious at me this time!? I-If it's the property damage, did you honestly expect me to be able to fight off the Unluckies in a metropolis like this without some collateral damage?"

"Some collateral damage," Vivi repeated in a tone of icy calm. "Some collateral damage. Yes, Cross, I expected some collateral damage. I always expect some collateral damage from our crew and I've especially come to expect it from you. But even in spite of that… I find myself with a question."

I swallowed meekly. "A… A question?"

"A question," she repeated, her tone dripping with vitriol as she grabbed my collar and started dragging me back to the entryway of the house. "A question I find myself asking for the third time since I met this crew. A question I never even conceived of asking before I had the misfortune of meeting you. And that question… is thus."

She grabbed the back of my head and forced me forward, so that I was staring out the doorway without obstruction.

"WHY IN THE NAME OF HORUS, ANUBIS, RA, AND EVERY LAST GOD IN THE ALABASTAN PANTHEON, IS THE CITY ON FIRE!?"

"What the hell are yooooooooh holy shit the city is on fire," I trailed off numbly.

And indeed, the city was on fire. A great big chunk of it too, smoke and flames and everything.

I stared numbly at the conflagration for a second before turning a carefully neutral expression at Vivi. "… Would you buy that it was in self-defense?"

THWACK!

"GYARGH!" I squawked, clutching my very broken nose in agony. "DAB IT, NOD AGAIN!"

"ROT IN HELL!" Vivi roared without looking back as she marched into the house.

I took a moment to collect my thoughts before following her. How the hell had this happened?! At Nanohana, I'd had a pissed-off Fire Logia chasing me. At Mock Town—which, by the way, was mostly made of wood—I'd set off a massive free-for-all in the middle of a pirate town. But here? I couldn't think of anything that might have set off a fire like that! I mean, maybe that food stall I'd used to spice up the Unluckies, but that was—!

… Dammit, that was it, wasn't? Open flames, hot oil… perfect for starting up a blaze and letting it get out of control.

"Whoob—"

"Hang on a sec," Boss grunted as he waddled up to me, jumped up—

CRACK!

"ARGH!" I clamped my hand over my nose in agony as it was righted. "Ow… ergh, thanks."

"Not a problem," the dugong waved me off casually.

"Anyway… yeah, whoops. Sorry, that was definitely my fault."

"Eh… not all of it, really."

"Huh?" I looked back in confusion to see Franky standing behind me and looking over my shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

He pointed out the leftmost region of the fire. "See that blaze over there? Yeah, that's mine. From five years back, actually."

"What," I repeated flatly.

"Heh, yeah…" The cyborg scratched the back of his head. "I was, ah, kinda experimenting with trying to create a stable power source and, well… one thing led to another…"

"Stable enough that it kept a fire burning for five years," Vivi repeated, this time with disbelief in place of anger. "Five years."

"Eeyah…" Franky blushed in embarrassment. "Really should have thought twice about trying to dig out an old coal mine I heard rumors about."

"You're lucky," I stated. "I remember back home reading somewhere about a coal fire that started three hundred years ago and is still going."

Franky and Vivi gaped at me, along with several others within earshot. Then the princess coughed and shook her head slightly. "Er, anyway, we're getting off topic," she said, extending her hand to Franky. "I am Nefertari Vivi, negotiator of the Straw Hat Pirates. I believe it's safe to assume that you're Franky, boss of the Franky Family?"

Franky opened his mouth to reply, but then shut it as a grin slid over his face. "Hold that thought." Before any of us could act, he ran back to his dais while the rest of his Family scrambled around doing something or other and—wait, why were they lowering a sheet over—? Were those drums!?

The penny dropped when a spotlight shone behind the curtain, outlining a trio of silhouettes: Franky and two square-haired women who began dancing without warning.

"Hey, guys!" Franky crowed eagerly. "Did you just say my name!?"

"Hell yeah!" the members of the Franky Family cheered eagerly.

"What on earth…?" Vivi gaped in disbelief.

"NO CLUE WHAT, but I just know THAT IT'S FUNK-AY!" Soundbite whooped as he bobbed his head to the beat.

I chuckled in amusement as I patted Vivi's shoulder. "Welcome to Franky House, Princess."

"Yeow, yeow, yeow, yeow!" Franky howled as he and the sisters pumped their legs before moving their arms into a square-like position. "Come on everybody, no need to be shy! Say my name!"

"BIG BRO FRANKY!" The whole of the house shook from the force of the roar.

"WOO, GO POMPADOUR-BOY! SHAKE YO' MONEY MAKER!"

"Su!"

"Oh, c'mon, Conis, you were thinking it too!"

"Well…"

"Ahh, nothing more satisfying than a supportive audience!" Franky said before grabbing the bottom of the sheet, ripping it away and dancing even more energetically. "I'm Water 7's number one SUPAH! guy, the face of the underworld and you know why! The man with the plan, the power and fame, and people everywhere call out my name! Wow!"

Franky and the sisters knelt down and started pounding their fists on the ground with a building hum. "MmmmmMMMMM!" The mob-boss and his backup dancers snapped up in a pose, arms held together in the air. "FRANKY!"

BOMF!

Aaaand there was the ending with the smokebomb.

"Soundbite? Appropriate applause, please," I grinned.

Grinning, the snail promptly added to the already abundant applause with noise comparable to that of a live concert.

While the rest of the family cheered I took the time to grin down at Lassoo. "Still think he and Boss aren't a match made in heaven?"

"I… might have jumped the cannon…" Lassoo coughed in his paw.

In the aftermath, I took note that yes, Franky was currently being flanked by his seconds-in-command, the yellow-clad Mozu, and the pink-clad Kiwi—who was currently posing in a pink bath robe?

THWACK!

I winced sympathetically as she suddenly laid Franky out flat.

"Sis!" Mozu reeled in shock.

"Be happy I didn't give you one too!" Kiwi warned before rounding on their boss. "And you! Next time, don't call me when I'm in the damn shower!"

"Ugh… ow… damn it, how do you make that hurt when I'm made of metal!? And sorry, Kiwi, but would you expect me not to show off for the Straw Hats?" Franky asked as he got back on his feet, rubbing the back of his head in equal parts sheepishness and pain.

"I don't care if they're Tom himself back from the dead!" I winced and noticed Franky hiding the same reaction. "Do it again, and I'll aim lower. Got it?"

"Alright, alright, eesh." Franky waved her off and watched as she walked back into the house, her sister swiftly following after her, before sighing grimly. "Really shoulda given that more thought…" He swiftly recovered and puffed his chest out proudly as he jabbed his thumb at himself. "Anyway, yeah! I'm Franky, big bro and boss of the Franky Family! Welcome, Straw Hats! Now then, boys…" His grin became somewhat bestial as he fell back in his sofa, arms and legs spread wide so that he took up more room. "How about you get us and our guests some refreshments while we talk?"

And just like that, as the Franky Family started milling around and set about their various tasks, Vivi's demeanor shifted; her shock and hesitation washed away and was replaced with cold hard determination. "Conis, Carue, stay behind the couch. Cross, Boss, you're sitting next to me. I realize this might be a relaxed setting, but let's at least try and act halfway professional."

I shrugged and stood a little bit straighter. "You've got point here, milady. Lead the way."

The princess nodded confidently and strode forwards, Boss alongside her left flank while Carue stood behind her. Conis moved to stand beside Carue while I sank onto the couch to Vivi's right.

Franky cocked an eyebrow at the formal display before smirking and raising one of his arms. Within moments, one of his boys was present, dropping a pair of large brown-filled bottles on the coffee table before disappearing back into the crowd.

"Hope you don't mind Cola," the cyborg chuckled as he picked up one of the bottles and prepared to knock it back. "So long as you're in my house, it's the only drink you can get. But of course, if the princess can't handle it—!"

Without ever breaking her neutral expression, Vivi snatched up her full bottle of Cola, threw her head head back and utterly drained it. What had to be nearly two litres of soda vanished in a matter of seconds, following which Vivi gently replaced the bottle on the coffee table and… nothing. No matter how long we waited, what we were all waiting for just didn't come.

Vivi, for her part, smiled beatifically. "Brawnson's. A very nice choice. I prefer St. Dobrynac's myself, but I suppose my palate might be a bit overly spoiled there, sooo…" She waved her hand dismissively.

Franky stared at her in shock for a moment before sighing heavily and placing his bottle down in defeat. "Well, I sure as heck can't top that." He leaned forward, his hands on his knees as he eyed our diplomat. "Alright, let's cut the posturing crap and get down to business: what do guys like you want with guys like me and mine?"

Vivi's artificial cheer drained away into grim solemnity. "As you no doubt already know, roughly two months ago, we travelled up to the sky island known as Skypiea, which is where we recruited our gunner—" She nodded her head back at Conis, who smiled and waved pleasantly. "And where our third mate…" She hesitated slightly as she glanced at me.

I chuckled grimly as I raised my hand. "Where I got my limbs turned into grilled mozzarella, no need to pussyfoot around."

Franky shuddered sympathetically. "Yeah, I don't think anyone missed that little shitshow. Ice-for-Brains had his Galley-La chumps handing out lozenges for snails with sore throats all across the city." He tilted his head in confusion. "But what's that got to do with me? Going by how Cross moved earlier, I doubt he needs me to make him any new limbs."

That caught Vivi off-guard. "Make him new—?"

Franky glanced at me, to which I responded with a grin and a shrug. "I'm more knowledgeable than the rest of my crew, and I like letting them learn non-crucial stuff for themselves. But since it's out of the bag…"

"Oh, yeah, sure. Check it out!" And without further ado, he grabbed his right wrist and yanked his forearm in half. While the rest of my crewmates recoiled in shock, I whistled in awe and leaned forward to give the separation a closer look. Besides his arm being hollow inside, less than an inch of Franky's epidermis—no, of an epidermis-like facsimile—was wrapped around the metal of the limb. Overall, it was damn impressive.

"What on earth!?" Vivi breathed in shock.

"Even I know that that's not normal," Conis gasped.

"What the heck are you!?" Su demanded.

"I'm a cyborg, of course!" Franky proclaimed proudly as he refastened his limb. "This body you're looking at is known as Battle Franky 36, my thirty-sixth custom creation! I went through my own level of hell that wrecked my body something fierce and rebuilt myself from the ground up. Pretty sweet, huh?"

"To be clear, you made this badass monument to all things manly yourself?" Boss clarified as he gestured at Franky.

"Eeyup!" Franky chirped, popping a firm thumbs-up.

"…I am intrigued," Boss finally admitted, stroking his chin.

A cough sounded out from Vivi's direction, drawing attention back to her. "Well, now I see why Cross wanted your expertise." I grinned in response to her glance in my direction. "But I think we might have gotten off-topic. Anyway, to clarify why I brought that particular ordeal up…" She sighed and hung her head. "Cross… wasn't the only one of us crippled in the fighting."

"Seriously?" Franky sat up in shock. "But I don't remember—?"

"We… didn't find out until today," Vivi clarified. "During an altercation with one of Eneru's priests before the war proper, our comrade was thrown just the wrong way and…" She bowed her head, forcing her voice to remain steady. "And her… her keel cracked."

It took a few seconds for that to sink in. When it did, however, Franky's expression was equal parts awed and horrified as he leaned back in his seat. "…Your ship? The… The Going Merry, right?" His eyes widened in shock. "And… And you said you only found out today? She's been sailing with a snapped keel for—?" Apparently our expressions were answer enough, going by how he slapped a hand to his forehead. "Holy shit…"

"Precisely…" I nodded gravely. "We… We'd love to fix her somehow, we really would, but—!"

"Not possible," Franky interrupted, shaking his head in denial. "For a ship to sail for even a week with a snapped keel is a miracle, but two months is utterly unheard of. The damage that your ship's infrastructure must have suffered since then…" He gave us all a sad look. "This goes so far beyond just her keel now. I'm sorry, but you'd need to replace… almost every other part of her hull from the keel out to fix her. I don't doubt that she's strong, she'd have to be, but… Water 7's her grave now."

We all flinched and lapsed into miserable silence as the harsh reality of our situation washed over us again. I thought I had already exhausted my grief. I was wrong; I had to try hard to not start crying again. There was a respectful moment of silence before Franky spoke again, more softly. "So, if you came to someone like me with this, then… I'm guessing you want me to handle her… end?"

Boss recovered first, shaking his head as he bit down on his cigar. "Ah… no, not… exactly. Merry's our ship and our responsibility, we can give her a dignified end on our own. No, we're not here concerning an ending. We're here about a new beginning."

"Eh?"

"Mister Franky." Vivi drew herself to attention as she pinned Franky with a gaze practically shining in its intensity. "We are here on behalf of the Straw Hat Pirates in order to commission the construction of our new ship by yours truly."

The cyborg immediately fell into a more guarded expression. "Wait, you're asking me to make you a new ship? Because that's Galley-La's forte, my reputation is as a ship dismantler. Why would you think that it'd be a good idea to come to me for this?"

"Because as you yourself have so aptly demonstrated, you're one of, if not the best engineer on this side of the Grand Line, surpassed only by Doctor Vegapunk himself," I cut in. "You literally built yourself from the ground up. Any ship made by you would be a work of absolute perfection."

"Eh? Doctor who?" Franky asked in confusion.

"YES!" Soundbite started to cackle…

SMACK! "AGH!"

Until I forced him back into his shell, anyways. "Not the time, Soundbite."

"Killjoy…"

"…Alwight, moving on fow the sake of sanity?" Carue suggested.

"Agreed," Franky said, his eyes narrowing as he looked over us. "Because I've still got questions. I'll admit that you'll be hard-pressed to find a better engineer than me, even in Galley-La, but that still doesn't connect to ship-building, so how the hell did you know to ask me to do this for you?"

"You were actually recommended to us as the best person to ask," Conis provided.

Franky was silent for a second before slowly rising to his feet and looming over us, his expression shadowed but not doing anything to hid his flinty glare. "Who. Told you. To ask for me?" he demanded, his voice promising nothing but pain if he didn't like the answer.

It was a true credit to Vivi that she didn't even flinch before the display, instead favoring Franky with a cool stare. "It was the station-mistress of Switch Station, one Granny Kokoro," she replied, producing and holding out the letter from said station-mistress as though it were yesterday's to-do list written on the back of last year's receipt.

Franky's expression changed again, from barely concealed murderous rage to equally barely hidden shock and then just as swiftly to deliberate neutrality. Without giving anything away, the cyborg took the letter and opened it. He raised his eyebrows as he read the message, and then sank back into his seat in wide-eyed shock as he reached the finish. A few seconds later, he slowly folded up the message and replaced it in the envelope before locking eyes with each of us.

"You spoke… to a Klabautermann? She… She came out in plain sight when you asked?" he breathed.

One and all, we grimaced anew and struggled to hold back our tears as the memory came back to us.

"…I wasn't expecting that." Franky bowed his head with a quiet sigh, tearing up again. "For a ship to love their crew that much… to keep going past her own limits, and to show that much emotion to you… IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I'VE EVER HEARD!" he declared, bawling his eyes out again.

My eye twitched as he sobbed miserably. "Ah… not that we don't appreciate your support, but if we could get back on topic please—?" I requested as my hand drifted down to my bag.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" everyone else in the house roared furiously.

"Alright, alright, no need to yell!" I snickered as I snapped my hands up.

"Starting to see why the Government wants your head…" Franky grumbled as he wiped his eyes and got his composure back. "Alright, so, Granny sent you to me, huh… look, let's be clear here: what exactly are you looking for from me?"

My smile faded, and I glanced at Vivi for confirmation, to which she responded with a nod, prompting Boss and I to place our briefcases on the coffee table. "We came to you, Franky, because besides being a genius in the field of engineering, you also have extensive connections in the black market. We'd like to hire you to build us a ship worthy of a new Pirate King, one to rival the Oro Jackson itself." I kindly ignored the slight twitch in Franky's eye at that. "Of course, for this endeavor to be accomplished, a necessary component would be wood from the Jewel Tree Adam."

Boss and I clicked our cases open, and Franky's jaw all but hit the ground as we showed off the amount of wealth we were hauling. "What we have here is ฿500 million in gold and cash. Should you accept, we'd like you to use it to buy what you need for our ship, but before that…" I scrunched my eyes shut, struggling to fend off the image of the fire and snow. "Before that, we want you to at least try scouring the market for any chance, no matter how remote, that we can keep Merry with us. We've all accepted that we have to move on and let her go, but…"

I gave him a truly desperate look. "I… back on Skypiea, I talked to Merry, and I promised her, promised her that I would do anything that I could to save her. I… I know now that she lied to me when she said that she would be fine, that she still had a chance but…" I shook my head. "But damn it, I'm a member of the Strawhat Pirates, and I wouldn't be worthy of our flag if I didn't do every last thing I possibly could to keep a promise. And at this point… at this point the black market connections are that very last thing. So if there's some way Merry can stay with us… then we'll take it in a second."

Franky stared silently at me for a few seconds before exhaling. "I promise you, Cross, if there's anything that can help her, I'll get it. Saving the Merry after all I've heard about her would be worth more than twice this money."

I managed a weak, grateful smile, but it faded as Franky folded his arms and continued. "But, in the event that I can't find anything… The going rate for Adam wood is currently about ฿200 million a shipment, and extra materials shouldn't cost more than that. You're offering me more than enough for the supplies for your new ship, but my question is, how much of this is for your ship, and how much do I get to keep? And before you say anything!" He snapped his hand up to forestall any protests. "I still have my family to take care of, and the going has been rough lately, what with the Marines coming around more often to get their ships from Galley-La. I'll still help you, that's decided, but I just wanna hammer out the details is all."

I took a second to process that before snapping my case shut—which Boss mirrored—and sitting back with a nod to Vivi. "You're up, Princess."

Vivi sat up straighter as she locked eyes with Franky. "How much of it do you want to take?"

Franky folded his arms. "Like I said, with my connections, it'll take about ฿200 million to buy enough Adam wood to build you the ship of your dreams; any other odds and ends I can get from what's already on this island. So, straight up, I'd like the remaining ฿300 million."

"Unacceptable," Vivi declared without hesitation. "฿25 million, at most."

"T-Twenty-five—!? You must be kidding!" Franky scoffed as he slammed a hand on the coffee table. "No freaking way! I have fifty-five people and two King Bulls in my family, they're as big as Sea Kings! Twenty-five wouldn't last more than three days! ฿275 million!"

"฿50 million, we still need to live with Nami," Vivi retorted.

Franky winced sympathetically at that. "Alright, that's fair…" His expression became set in stone a moment later. "But my sympathy only goes so far. ฿200 million, final offer."

"฿75 million."

Franky's expression didn't shift. "200 million," he repeated firmly.

A flash of worry shot across Vivi's face. "I… 100 million, final offer."

The cyborg slowly crossed his arms over his chest, not even so much as a muscle twitching. "Two. Hundred. Million."

Vivi and I exchanged panicked glances, and for good reason. What the heck were we supposed to do!? Franky wasn't budging, but we both knew that if we came out of this with less than two-thirds of Nami's money, our lives would be utterly forfeit. Unless we came up with something fast—!

"Ahem."

We snapped our attention over to Boss. The dugong was sporting a supremely serious expression.

"If you don't mind," he announced gruffly. "I'll do the job you brought me here to do."

And without further ado, he ripped the cuff attaching him to our gold clean off his arm, removed his flak jacket, folded it onto the sofa, and hopped onto the coffee table.

"Whad da heck…?" Carue muttered, scratching his head in confusion.

Franky, for his part, didn't even flinch. He just kept staring dead ahead with stony impassivity. The expression was mirrored muscle for muscle by Boss. Then, slowly, Boss began bending over, stretching his flippers down and out and stretching out his shoul…ders…

"…Is he…" I started slowly, completely and utterly incapable of of believing what I was seeing. "Is he… flexing?"

"…Yes," Soundbite nodded in awe. "Yes, he IS."

And indeed he was. Boss was flexing his body in one of the most iconic bodybuilding poses known to man, his muscles bulging to the absolute maximum that his relatively diminutive musculature allowed. Franky merely raised an eyebrow at the display while the rest of us looked at Boss in confusion and awe… though mostly confusion.

Vivi leaned over and whispered, "Uh… Cross, any idea what this is in aid of?" into my ear.

"Not a clue, but we did bring him here because he can relate to Franky. Let's just trust him and see where it goes for now," I whispered back. "I mean, he is our crewmate, so—!"

CRACK!

"—eh?" I started as a sound much like cracking glass sounded out. "What the heck—?"

CRA-CRA-CRACK!

Su gasped in shock as a rapid staccato of cracks sounded out before shakily pointing her paw out. "L-Look! His shell!"

We all looked at where the fox was pointing, and then my eyes shot wide as I saw that Boss's turtle shell had a whole spider web of cracks running through it.

"Boss, be careful!" Conis warned desperately. "Your shell, it's starting to—!"

SMASH!

Conis's voice—and everyone else's in the Franky House, for that matter—died in her throat as the dugong's shell shattered, fragments of it flying in every which way you can imagine.

But that wasn't what really shocked us.

What shocked us all into silence… was what was underneath his shell.

Muscle. Pure, hulking slabs of muscle. Somehow, against all forms of logic, beneath Boss's shell he was completely and utterly ripped. I had seen Zoro's muscles more times than I care to admit thanks to our far-too-numerous training sessions, and by God, that man had absolutely nothing on the beast before me. It was like staring at a few-feet tall Olympic-grade weightlifter prepped for a bodybuilding competition.

For the longest time, nobody dared to move as Boss posed. Finally, however, all while maintaining his stony expression, Franky stood to his feet, looming over us again, and then… drew his forearms together as he mirrored Boss's pose?!

Vivi's jaw promptly dropped. "You have got to be shitting me."

RRRRRIP!

"…Appawently not," Carue said through his gaping beak as Franky's Hawaiian shirt practically exploded off of his taut physique.

They were… posing at one another. There was no other word for it. They were just flat-out flexing and posing at one another, their muscles rippling and their expressions utterly determined as they squared off against one another. Muscle against muscle, buff against buff. A battle of two forces of raw flesh and will clashing against one another.

This confrontation was… it-it was… it was… I honestly don't know what the hell it was. A melee of mental fortitude, maybe? A brawl of brawn? All I know was that as I stared at the display before me, this exhibition of pure manliness, I was… moved.

Honestly, I think I felt something new within myself. A shift or a change or… or…

…wait a second…

I pulled my collar out and looked down at my chest in disbelief. "Holy shit, my chest hair is growing."

Conis and Vivi both stared at me for a moment before turning their attention back to the bodybuilders. They maintained their stances for a few seconds more. Then, all at once, they moved—

SLAM!

—and the next thing I knew, after a thunderclap of flesh-on-flesh… they were clasping hands, staring in each other's eyes with what could only be described as mutual adoration.

"฿100 million it is. Pleasure doing business with you," Franky announced.

"Indeed, brother, indeed," Boss nodded in solemn agreement.

SLAM!

Far from being relieved or happy, Vivi moaned miserably as she ground her forehead into the coffee table. "I spent over half my life learning the fine, fine, fine art of diplomacy…" she lamented. "And he succeeds where I was utterly failing with mere flexing…" She turned her head on its side, displaying twin streams of tears trailing down her face and an utterly shattered smile. "This officially tears it. Even with everything I know, even despite being born in it, I'm never going to stop being surprised at what the Grand Line throws at me."

"There, there…" Conis breathed soothingly as she leaned over the couch to rub the traumatized Princess's back. "Better this outcome than having to go back and tell Nami that we gave him 40%."

Vivi's only response was a pained whimper.

It took me a second to get my jaw moving again. "…Well, this is still something to remember, eh, Soundbite?"

Silence.

"Uh, Soundbite?" I looked at Soundbite curiously, only to find that the snail was gnawing on his lower lip in what appeared to be a desperate attempt to stay silent. I opened my mouth to ask again, but then, all at once, he snapped his mouth open and bellowed out in an announcer's voice.

"BOSS USED SHELL SMASH! IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"

"SUPER!" Franky bellowed as he slammed his forearms above his head before blinking in confusion. "Eh? Wait, what just happened?"

I blinked as I processed what he'd just said and then I leveled a flat look at the snail as he panted with a relieved smile. "That was just killing you, wasn't it?" I deadpanned.

"You have NO IDEA!" Soundbite groaned.

"Speaking of…" Su cocked an eyebrow as she looked Boss over. "Didn't that… I dunno, hurt?"

Boss glanced up at her before blinking as he realized that he was naked, covering up the embarrassment with a deep cough. "Ah… no, no it did not. Apropos of nothing, could someone please hand me my jacket? It's… It's chilly in here."

We all stared blankly at him for a moment before hanging our heads with simultaneous groans.

"Pride: the ultimate steroid," Su muttered knowingly.

"Agreed…" the rest of us chorused.

-o-

"…and after that, Franky went off to get things arranged on his end before he could take off to buy the materials, and you had no trouble on your way back to the Merry?" Nami asked, concluding the summary of what happened to us after our two groups had parted ways.

"Yeah, that pretty much covers it," I confirmed, before glancing in Boss' direction. "So, Boss, tell me, what are you going to do about your—Boss?"

The Dugong's jacket was lying on the deck, but the Dugong himself was nowhere to be seen. I made to glance at Soundbite—

SPLASH! "Sorry, did you call me?"

Before noting that Boss had just jumped out of the water, back onto the deck… and with a new shell on his back that was utterly indistinguishable from the old one.

"You—but—I… no, you know what? You know what?" Vivi threw her hands up and marched towards the women's quarters. "I don't want to know, I really, just do not want to know. I am done. Done!" she declared, entering her room and slamming the door behind her.

Nami stared after her for a second before sighing and looking towards the quartet of ship's guards staring in starry-eyed awe at their teacher. "Raphey, can you please go and try to calm Vivi down? Hopefully your… expertise in Grand Line madness will be of use."

The pink-clad Dugong promptly snapped a salute at our navigator before pumping her tail and belly-sliding towards the women's quarters. And with that, Nami stood up with a clap of her hands. "Now, Cross, Zoro? Staff meeting. Boss, you and your boys know what to do."

"Aye, Nami," the four Dugongs saluted as we headed towards the storage area. There was silence for almost a minute before Nami spun around and grabbed my shoulders.

"Cross," she stated with dead-serious conviction as she stared me straight in the eyes. "Are you absolutely certain that Kalifa, Kaku, and Lucci are with CP9?"

I blinked at her, but promptly steeled my will as I replied with equal firmness. "Some time soon, most likely tonight seeing as they'd want to use Aqua Laguna to cover their tracks, those three plus Blueno will tear through Galley-La like an unholy storm, striking down their comrades and coworkers without so much as a hint of remorse before attempting to assassinate Iceburg in cold blood. Of this, I have no doubt."

The second I finished, Nami's pupils dilated in horror and the blood utterly drained from her face. She slowly stumbled back from me, a shaky hand raising to cover her mouth. "Oh… Oh, God…"

Zoro started towards her with an expression that could be vaguely interpreted as concern. "What did they do, Nami?"

"N… N… N-Nothing," Nami whispered, desperately shaking her head in denial. "T-That's the whole problem! I have years of experience in long cons, for the majority of my life I have been anyone but me, I have been them… and I was scanning them for any cracks whatsoever! I-I was subtle, don't worry, they never noticed, I made sure of that!" she reassured me when she noticed that I looked ready to puke. "But… But that doesn't change the fact that they put on such a good show that I… that they made me actually doubt Cross!"

I sighed grimly. "I… I'll be blunt: you were firmly out of your league, Nami. You have a few years of experience, however harrowing, but they've been doing this for their entire lives, literally. There's a Government island somewhere not far from here that's exclusively devoted to training orphans and offspring of previous CP9 agents into the next generation of the World Government's personal killers. They've never known anything but sabotage, corruption, intelligence, and assassination. Make no mistake, CP9 is so renowned because they are damn good at what they do."

Nami stared at me for a second before leaning against one of the crates with a tortured groan. "And we have to deal with four people like that?" she asked.

I shook my head with a grimace. "If worst comes to worst and we still have to storm Enies Lobby, there will be seven. But I wouldn't worry about it too much if I were you; out of those seven, three are in league with the Monster Trio, and the rest are way weaker. Superhuman and with a few unique and deadly tricks, sure, but ultimately, with our current roster and power-level, not to mention the fact that I know their playbook inside and out, we'll still be able to win."

"Who's the third one, Cross?" Zoro asked. "Lucci's obviously one of them, and Kaku has to be another if he's a match for me."

I shrugged indifferently. "Hopefully it won't become relevant, but the third one, barely weaker than Kaku, is Jabra, a wolf Zoan and CP9's specialist in the Iron Body technique. Sanji only beat him thanks to his Diable Jambe, just like you needed Asura to beat Kaku. He's a sadistic and deceitful son of a bitch, but so long as we're ready, we should be fine."

"And what about their chief, Cross?" Nami asked tentatively. "The one you said got the authority to use a Buster Call? Whoever the World Government put in charge of people that powerful must be a monster too."

I snarled as that particular trainwreck of a human being flashed through my mind. "Only morally, Nami. Physically?" I slammed my fist into my palm and ground it in, hard. "Suffice to say that if I get my hands on Spandam, I'm going to turn him into a literal fucking pretzel and he'll be able to do jack all about it. The only defense he has for himself is Funkfreed, a sword that ate the Elephant-Elephant Fruit. Apart from that, that… entity is weaker than your average Marine. But morally?" I ground my teeth as image after image after fucking image of the Bridge and everything before it flooded my mind. "Let me put it this way: I didn't kill the Unluckies because I didn't think they were worth it, because I feared I'd regret it. Him?" I let a vicious smile crawl across my face. "I could hand him over to Chopper as a guinea pig, and that would be kind compared to what I'd do to him if given half a chance."

Zoro and Nami both stared at me in something very close to horror.

"Cross—" Soundbite started fearfully.

I cut him off with a raised hand. "He. Abused. Robin," I enunciated firmly, causing every other person in the room to freeze. "In every conceivable way except for the sexual one, from the moment she arrived at Enies Lobby to the moment we rescued her. Mental, physical and emotional torture on a level I didn't even think was possible. Make no mistake: Spandam is the epitome of everything wrong with humanity, in that he is a weak-bodied, weak-willed and weak-minded evil bastard with far too much power and pride. If we invade Enies Lobby, I'm going to make sure that he ends up either dead… or worse." I looked around the room, staring everyone straight in the eyes. "Any objections?"

"NO," all three of them intoned without hesitation.

"Good," I nodded gratefully. "Now, then, moving on… how did the meeting with Iceburg go?"

Nami took a second to breathe deeply and calm herself down before schooling a neutral expression on her face. "You mean apart from him being as irresponsible as you implied?" she deadpanned before shrugging casually. "Perfectly fine. He listened to our request and accepted a ฿100 million down payment after we gave him Granny Kokoro's letter. He said that he'll either send one of his foremen here or be along himself in a while." She paused and frowned. "We don't have to worry about the other foremen, right?"

"Eh…" I waved my hand in a 'so-so' manner. "If CP9 manages to frame us for hurting Iceburg or Galley-La in general? Quite possibly, strong sense of camaraderie there. But otherwise, the most dangerous thing about them is their quirks, and of those, the worst is Paulie trying to cut and run with a brick of gold. Basically, they're like us: we don't tick them off and we're all good."

"So," Zoro grunted. "Now we wait?"

"Pretty much, yeah," I shrugged, then reached for my side and withdrew the transceiver. "Well, I guess I may as well start up another SBS—"

"Puru puru puru puru!" Soundbite said suddenly.

"Or take a call, that works too," I continued smoothly, pressing the caller ID button. "MI4," I confirmed to Nami and Zoro, who turned back towards me. I made to pick up the receiver, then paused as a wicked grin played over my face. "Oh, Soundbite? Make my voice sound like Apoo."

"OH, CROSS, you son of a—Puru puru puru puru!" the snail chortled.

"And proud of it," I snickered, and then picked up the receiver before cackling. "Apapapapapa! Hello, you've reached Scratchman Apoo! Sorry, but Mister Cross has been disconnected!"

Nami facepalmed with a groan while Zoro smirked in sadistic amusement.

I swiftly chopped my hand across my throat and burst out cackling as Soundbite's expression contorted in panic and horror. "Oh-hoh, MAN, you should have seen your faces! I-I'm sorry, but that was just straight up hi-hi-larious! PFFHAHAHAHAAA!"

As my laughter trailed off, I noticed Soundbite glaring at me with a look of intense concentration. "Uh…"

"Oh, don't mind me, Cross," Tashigi's voice said, sounding about two seconds from snapping. "I'm just trying to kill you with the POWER OF MY FUCKING MIND!"

"If that were possible, Tashigi, he never would have escaped from Loguetown," Smoker cut in.

"Or Alabasta," Hina added.

"Or Skypiea," T-Bone wheezed.

"Or Navarone," finished another voice.

"Alright, alright, I get the point alre—huh?" I blinked, and then grinned as I processed who had just spoken. "Jonathan, you devious chess-bastard, I knew you'd come around! Good thing too, now Vivi owes me a hefty chunk of change."

Nami tsked and tossed a wad of beris at me. "Here, I bet her the opposite."

"That makes this doubly sweet!" I crowed as I counted out the cash.

"CHA-CHING!" Soundbite whooped ecstatically.

ZOT!

I flinched slightly as light and ozone flashed inches before my eyes, but I swiftly recovered and stuck my tongue out at Nami. "Nice try, but no dice!"

"Damn Chopper and his damn freaky good therapy…" she scowled as she spun her staff-third back into place.

"Hmph. Good to see that you're as composed as ever, Mister Cross," Jonathan chuckled. "And I'll admit, I did have some apprehensions at first given the risk involved in the undertaking. But time and the SBS wore them away, and after talking to Commodore Smoker, I was quite satisfied to join what's now MI5 and claim the codename of Sagittarius. My four officers and Jessica have signed on as well, and they're in the process of informing the remainder of the base."

"Great to hear!" I wrung my hands eagerly. "Now, then! Before we get to business, I believe some of you owe me an apology?" I pointedly ignored Nami facepalming and muttering something about 'idiots' and 'pushing your luck'.

"I don't apologize to many people for many things, Cross. I'll be damned if I add you to the list of people I do apologize to for not considering that someone could or would trick Akainu like Jonathan did," Smoker grunted.

"And on that note, Hina wonders how you found out Jonathan's secret when he managed to fool everyone else in the Navy," Hina cut in dryly.

"Well—!" I began.

"I'd like to know that as well, Mister Cross," Jonathan interrupted, his voice and demeanor shoved deep in his 'serious as a prowling Sea King' mode. "Aside from my laid-back demeanor since I took over G-8, I've never given any indication that I've failed to learn the spirit of Akainu's lessons. True, I wasn't as guarded with my emotions as I should have been in our encounter, but for you to have been as comfortable as you were makes it clear that you knew more than you possibly could have. And while you may have a reputation for being impossibly well informed, this borders on being genuinely impossible, if not utterly. So, considering the fact that anyone beyond the present company and my soldiers learning it would be potentially fatal, I insist on you answering me: how did you find out?" Jonathan asked, a stern frown on his face.

"Ah…" I hedged uncomfortably as I shot a desperate glance at my equally shocked allies before flinching as I realized that that look had just been broadcasted.

"And don't give us any more nonsense like you were spouting on Skypiea, this time we're not leaving without an answer," Tashigi intoned firmly.

I winced as I tugged at my suddenly too-tight collar. Why had I thought that bringing in the hyperintelligent chessmaster would be a good idea!?

"Cross."

I snapped my attention over to Zoro, who was staring at me with an uncharacteristically analytical gaze.

"Tell them," he ordered in a firm tone.

"What!?" Nami and I hissed simultaneously, though Nami was the one who followed up. "Are you out of your moss-ridden—!?"

"They deserve to know," the swordsman interrupted, his gaze frosty. "They might not fly under our flag, but they are our allies, and I seriously doubt they'll tell anyone. And even if they did, it's that chess-guy all over again: they spill our secret, we spill theirs."

"Glad to see you're as insensitive as ever, Roronoa," Tashigi deadpanned.

"Glad to see that you're as grateful as ever, four-eyes," Zoro shot back.

"Glad to see that you're still a barbarian."

"Glad to see you're still a novice."

"BASTARD, I CUT PEOPLE!"

"For the love of GOD, FUCK OR KILL EACH OTHER but don't use me to pussyfoot around!"

"SHUT IT, SNAIL!" the sword-masters roared simultaneously.

"Enough," T-Bone wheezed, his shaky voice as firm as iron. "Cross, we're waiting."

I grimaced as I processed the fact that I… really didn't have a choice here, did I? Dang it, I wasn't expecting to have to give the explanation again before I told the rest of the—

The rest of them… now, there was an idea.

I took a second to get my composure about myself before adopting a determined look. "Let me make this clear: the explanation is of a magnitude that you can't begin to imagine, to the point that I haven't even told our most recent crewmates yet. I do not want to say it more times then I absolutely have to, because it's a damn long story and there's gonna be a lot of disbelief. So, here's the deal: there's only one more decent Marine of significant standing that I'm relatively sure you can convince to join you right now. When you've recruited Vice Admiral Tsuru, I'll tell all six of you my secret. Fair enough?"

Soundbite adopted a doubtful grimace. "Tsuru…" Smoker grumbled to himself. "You don't ask for anything easy, do you, Cross?"

I blinked. "Wait, what? You didn't object when I recommended her the night before you met with T-Bone."

"I imagine that admitting one such as a Vice Admiral to a list of potential allies is vastly different from actually trying to recruit her, Mister Cross," T-Bone wheezed.

"Nail on the head there, sir," Tashigi moaned.

"Hina is uncertain about this…" Hina grumbled. "Vice Admiral Tsuru is as wise and righteous as they come, of that there is no doubt, but she is also one of Sengoku's closest confidants, and while the Admiral of the Fleets is not himself corrupt, neither does he oppose the World Government. It would take a cataclysm of untold depths to fracture their bond in even the most minute of ways."

"I see, I see," I nodded casually. "Then in that case, I just have one question: T-Bone, would you happen to currently be on assignment to… mmm, given the timing, I'm gonna say… Enies 'Kangaroo Court' Lobby?"

Dead silence rung out for a few seconds before T-Bone groaned. "I won't even question it."

I chuckled. "Ohohoh, you guys would be nowhere without me, absolutely nowhere."

"Clearly," the skeletal captain scoffed. "I don't suppose you'd happen to know what my assignment is to be, would you? They merely ordered myself and a number of my men to present ourselves and await further orders. The mood here is… tense. I've never seen the Lobby garrisoned so thoroughly."

I smiled grimly. "Security detail. You're going to be safeguarding the return of a Cipher Pol 9 hit-squad who'll be bringing with them the blueprints of the Ancient Weapon Pluton AND!" I cut off Tashigi's horrified gasp and Smoker and Hina's hisses of breath. "And… our kidnapped archaeologist."

Once again, silence.

"…Oh, for fucks' sake, Cross."

"Right there with you, Tashigi," Jonathan sighed.

I chuckled grimly while Nami shook her head with an exasperated sigh and Zoro smirked. "Don't get me wrong, we're going to fight tooth and nail to stop this shit from going down. But if we fail, well…" I injected a tone of pure savagery in my grin. "Then I'm going to do more to the World Government in a span of hours than I have in all of my past broadcasts combined." I widened my grin by a few teeth. "And should we win, well… I can only imagine the kind of holy hell that the confirmation of CP9's existence, the complete destruction of one of the Government's three sacred bases, and an exclusive interview with Nico Robin covering the events on Ohara will raise. Is that cataclysmic enough for you?"

"Enough that Hina is sorry that she asked," Hina replied weakly. "Cross, I hope you realize that if all of that does happen, your name is likely to be spoken of in the same breath as the likes of Dragon and the Emperors."

And just like that, my smile flipped to a scowl. "You don't seem to get it. Even ignoring how much I hate the Government based on everything I've seen, I stand by the same standards as my crew, the same standards as Whitebeard and Shanks: if anyone lays so much as a finger on our crewmate, it's nothing less than a declaration of war. It should have been clear from the very first SBS broadcast: if it's for one of our friends, we welcome infamy with open arms."

I sighed and shook my head as I stepped down from my mental pedestal. "Anyway, enough preaching. Is there anything else you called for?"

"…Only that I made an attempt to convince 'Black Bart' to join us, and he almost agreed, but he requested proof that we were in contact with you. Mention the words 'Rooster' and 'Integrity' in the same sentence on your next broadcast," Hina replied.

"I'll see if I can work it in somehow," I said.

"On a lighter note, Mister Cross, pass my thanks on to Miss Robin for the suggestion she offered in regards to Major Shepherd," Jonathan put in, smirking again. "He was so flustered in front of the court that he all but confessed the charges he was presented for, and they subsequently uncovered a significant history of corruption."

"How significant?" I asked eagerly.

"Ooooh, where to begin~!" Tashigi sang in an uncharacteristically eager voice. "Extreme embezzlement, framing several of the investigators who were looking into him, and acting as something of a 'fixer' for other Marines of similar demeanors. He'd make reports about them go away for a price and then transfer them to, shall we say, 'sympathetic bases'. Like, say… Base 16 in the East Blue under one Captain Nezumi, who has also been scheduled for court-martialing?"

"Now, that," Nami snapped her head around with a sadistic grin. "That is good news; that money-grubbing rat-bastard is the biggest reason that Arlong never got reported."

"Oh, really?" Jonathan asked in much the same tone. "In that case, I think I'll put a word in myself, for Bellemere's sake."

"Besides that…" Tashigi trailed off slightly before perking up. "Oh, right! And he was a chronic stealer of office supplies."

The three of us fell silent as we processed that particular tidbit before I gave the Marine a flat look. "Seriously?"

"Don't diss the Marines' logistics division, Cross," Hina scoffed. "Next to the Admirals, their accountants are some of the scariest bastards in the whole of the Navy."

I exchanged disbelieving looks with my crewmates again. "Yeeeaaah, I'll take your word for it."

"BY THE WAY," Soundbite spoke up in a curious tone. "What's with the good mood, TASHIGI? Steal another sword RECENTLY?"

"Eeheeheehee~!" Tashigi giggled ecstatically. "Not even your vile words can bring me down, you petulant pest! I'm riding on a power high!"

Aaaand now I was thoroughly creeped out. "Someone wanna fill me in?" I pleaded.

"Marine HQ tapped the good officer to lead the investigation into Shepherd for her excellent intellect and analytical skills," T-Bone rasped.

"Not only did I have the immense honor of pinning that scumbag to the floor, but I hauled in a nice and juicy promotion to go with it!" Tashigi squealed, the grin she was sporting almost ear-to-ear. "Ensign no more, you now speak to Lieutenant J.G.—soon to be Lieutenant proper!—Tashigi! Haha, woo!"

I took a second to consider this development before adopting a thoughtful look. "So, to be clear here…" I queried innocently. "You're excited about moving up the ranks of a vile and corrupt system that you are actively working to tear apart. Did I get that right?"

Tashigi's smile froze as though I'd injected it with liquid nitrogen before shattering into a positively blistering scowl. "Can… Can you not ruin my good mood?" she bit out, a tic mark clearly pulsating on Soundbite's—and thus her—brow. "For, just, five seconds? Is… Is that honestly too much to ask for?"

I made a show of thinking long and hard before answering with the utmost seriousness. "Yes. Yes, it is."

Tashigi's eyelid straight up jerked. "Goodbye, Cross."

Nami facepalmed as the connection chopped off out of the blue. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

I spread my arms in a show of innocence. "I have a naturally aggravating personality. Sue me."

Nami's sigh of exasperation sounded more like howling. Zoro simply rolled his eyes before looking at me. "Anyway… this Franky guy who's gonna be helping us build our ship, what's he like?"

"Hm..." I tapped my chin thoughtfully as I considered how to put it. "Well, first, he's kind of…"

"SUPER!"

"Exactly like tha—the heck!?" I demanded, bolting towards the door and wrenching it open. I then gaped with no small amount of surprise to see Franky on the Merry's deck in his typical pose… though I was not surprised by the sight of Boss and the TDWS all posing along with him and Luffy and Usopp laughing and clapping eagerly.

"AWESOME!" Luffy cheered. "So, you're, like, half a robot, and you run on cola?!"

"Yep! I keep it right here, nice and cold!" Franky confirmed, opening his abs to demonstrate a refrigerator filled with three bottles of cola.

Nami's eyelid twitched as she stared at the sight. "Well, there's something I can never un-see."

"Whoa! That must be way useful in the summer! But how the heck did you manage to fit a refrigerator in your own body without any negative effects from the temperature?" Usopp asked incredulously.

"Well, my belly is always cold because of this, but—"

"I have a question!" Luffy snapped his hand up in the air without warning.

"DON'T INTERRUPT MY QUESTION!" Usopp yelled as he slapped the back of our captain's head.

"Yeah? What's up, Strawhat?" Franky asked.

"You're totally metal, right?"

"Weeell…" Franky surreptitiously scratched his speedo-clad ass. "For the most part. Why?"

"Do you—?"

Right, the insane train ends right now. "OY!" I cut in.

"Eh?" Franky said as he glanced in my direction before laughing and waving at me. "Oh, hey, Cross! I was just about to tell your crewmates here how my insides work! Wanna sit in?"

My eye twitched viciously. "Yeah, not a chance in all hell…" I muttered under my breath before raising my voice. "What the heck are you doing here, Franky!? I thought you were supposed to be headed out to St. Poplar with our money!"

"Eh?" the cyborg frowned and crossed his arms as he tilted his head in confusion. "The heck are you talking about? Yeah, I've taken care of business with my family and I'm heading out soon, but I had to come here first!" He flexed his arms in a square.

"Uh…" I hedged as my mental gears failed to grind properly. "And you… had to come here why, exactly?"

Now Franky out-and-out stared at me in a lack of understanding. "Uh, because Granny Kokoro's letter told me to? Duh? She told me to show up… here… ah." Going by how he smirked in wry amusement, my confusion was clearly displayed on my face. "Lemme guess, she didn't tell you anything about that, huh?" the cyborg snickered, running a hand through his pompadour. "Aaah, yeah, that brings me back. That old hag does whatever she wants whenever she wants, and only she ever knows the true breadth and width of her plans. You know, one time—!"

I tuned out Franky's reminiscing in favor of letting my mind fly at a million miles an hour as I put together the new pieces that I'd presented, and once I reached a conclusion, the implications hit me like a fucking meteorite. Thinking fast, I spun around, fully intent on calling for Nami, for Zoro, for anyone I could get my hands on—!

"Ahoy, there! May we come aboard?"

When a sickeningly familiar voice came up from the shoreline, causing both me and Franky to freeze in place. Almost as one, we both snapped to the ship's railing and looked overboard. What we saw caused us both to jerk, though for Franky it was merely out of surprised confusion, while for me? It was out of nothing less than pure existential terror.

Because standing right there, plain as day, without a care in the world and with a mouse in his shirt pocket, was none other than the beloved Mayor Iceburg of Water 7 himself, with his trusty chain-smoking and rope-slinging second Paulie trailing right behind him.

Honestly, in retrospect, I should have seen it coming sooner. I mean, she gave us letters for both of them, so logically that meant that the two of them would have to come into contact with one another at some point in the process. But I thought that they would have been kept apart longer! Franky would provide the materials and his designs, Iceburg would provide the experienced manpower and facilities to make the Sunny the best ship born of the island since Tom's passing. At worst the two would meet up once or twice and grind against one another, but that would have been it!

But ultimately, their quarreling was an obstacle that we could surmount. Them meeting each other here was unexpected, and far from the most pleasant thing that could have happened, but it was far from cataclysmic. This situation would have been little more than a minor difficulty at the absolute worst!—if it wasn't for one itty bitty, teeny tiny, utterly fatal detail.

Paulie wasn't the only Galley-La employee Iceburg had brought with him.

Standing right there, right beside him, were a very professional-looking woman with blonde hair and glasses and a kindly grinning man clad in orange with a long, square nose.

Half of CP9's team on Water 7 was here. Half of CP9 was feet away from me. And the object of their fucking mission was standing right next to me.

My mind blanked and I was forced to scramble for some way to keep myself from drawing suspicion, considering the fact that I was one jolt away from spewing the worst vocabulary that sailors had to offer out of my mouth.

"Bite me. Bite me as hard as you can," I hissed out of the corner of my mouth, desperation flooding every decibel. "Do it. Do it now, do it now now now—!"

CHOMP!

"YEARGH!" I leapt back from the railing and started dancing around the deck in agony on account of the fact that it felt like a fucking bear trap had ripped into my neck. "MAUDIT PUTAIN D'UN ESPÈCE DE SALAUD SALOPARD QUI BRÛLE DANS LE MAUDIT ENFER AVEC UN SEAU DE—SOMEBODY GET THIS LITTLE SHIT OFF OF ME, DAMN IT!"

Literally everyone was staring at me, more in amusement than anything else.

"I've heard the phrase 'pardon my French,' but this is ridiculous," Vivi deadpanned, poking her head out of her cabin.

"SOMEBODY HELP ME ALREADY, HE'S OVER MY FUCKING CAROTID!"

Nami hastily dashed to my side and started tugging at Soundbite's shell, to no avail. "Soundbite, what the hell are you—?!" she started to snarl.

"Iceburg's here, he's brought Kaku and Kalifa with him, and Franky has the blueprints inside his fucking body!" I hissed desperately.

The blood drained from Nami's face as she glanced over at Franky before looking back at me. "…shit."

"No fuck," I snapped back. "Tell the others, and emphasize to Zoro—GAH!" I cut myself off as Soundbite finally let go, and I winced as I felt that I was actually bleeding from that bite. "Agh… emphasize that they'll pick up on even a hint of killing intent. If they think their cover's broken—"

"We're dead, got it," Nami nodded grimly before adopting an air of exasperation and stalking over to Vivi. I, for my part, reached into my jacket and pulled out a tube of salve and a roll of bandages that I had taken to carrying a few weeks ago; having the bindings on my arms and legs fail with Chopper nowhere close was excruciating, hence the emergency stock. "Well, that's the last time I ask you to do that," I muttered to Soundbite.

"WON'T BE soon enough!" Soundbite spat, hanging his tongue out in disgust. "YOU NEED A BATH, dude!"

"What exactly did you do to provoke the snail, Cross?" Franky asked quizzically.

"OH, I just wanted to get ANOTHER INSTANCE of his INCOHERENT SWEARING," Soundbite chirped without missing a beat, an innocent grin on his face.

Franky rolled his eyes with a chuckle. "Well, I don't know French, but I can't deny that that was funny. Anyway, back to the matter at hand," he growled, his amusement gone as quick as a breath as he stepped back from the edge of the Merry, watching as Iceburg and company came aboard. I winced in anticipation, and grudgingly moved back to give him some space, an action that Paulie, Kalifa, and Kaku mirrored with some surprise as Franky and Iceburg started literally butting heads the second the mayor noticed the cyborg.

"What the hell are you doing here, Ice-For-Brains?" Franky snarled. "And what's with that rat in your pocket?"

"First of all, Flunky, Tyrannosaurus is a mouse and he is a perfectly sensible choice for a pet, surpassing those two behemoths you took in," Iceburg responded with equal venom, not backing down even an inch in spite of the fact that he had to be fully aware of the fact that he didn't stand a chance against the cyborg in a straight-up fight. "And second, I should be asking you what you're doing here. When have you ever built anything seaworthy that ended in something other than disaster?"

"Uh…" Leo slowly raised a flipper. "Are they… always like this?"

Paulie heaved a sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. "Sadly, yes. Seriously, half of Water 7 sets their clocks to these damn fights…"

"Half nothing, I take my lunch breaks whenever they clash," Kaku scoffed.

"It's like watching a shipwreck…" Mikey whispered in awe. "You know it's horrific… but you just can't look away."

"HA! This coming from the guy who never built anything seaworthy, period? You may have the best in the world working for you, but what have you ever done for a ship?"

"I've never made anything seaworthy!? Oh, that is absolutely rich coming from you, you two-bit metal-brained—"

"ENOUGH!"

Everyone froze when a very loud and, more importantly, very slurred voice roared out, demanding everyone's attention.

My blood froze in my veins as I slowly turned to observe the speaker. "Oh, God, no…" I whispered. "What the hell is she doing here!?"

Apparently Franky and Iceburg were of the same opinion.

"G-Granny Kokoro!?" Franky sputtered incredulously.

"What on earth are you doing here, ma'am?" Iceburg asked in confusion.

"W-What'm I doin' here?" the incognito icefish mermaid scoffed drunkenly as she hopped off of the Merry's railing and staggered forwards. "Z-Zat should be obvioush, conshidering that I called you boysh here! And ash for why you're here…" She took a deep swig from the bottle she was carrying before continuing. "I brought youshe here sho zat we can put thish shtupid feud a' yers on pause long enough fer you ta help theshe nishe people!" She paused as she swayed on her feet before jabbing a thumb over her shoulder towards the ocean. "Alsho, I came here wish Chimney an' Gonbe ta ride out tha Aqua Laguna."

"Hi Big Bro Franky, hi Big Bro Iceburg!" a chipper young voice called out from below the Merry's railing. "Gonbe and I are gonna go and wait for you at the hotel, alright, Granny?"

"Shur thing, Chimney, have fun!" Kokoro waved over her shoulder.

"We will! Bye everyone!"

"Bye guys!" a far more familiar voice shouted up.

I shot an incredulous look at Soundbite. "Sylvester? Seriously?"

"No clue why, but I got 'cat' FROM THAT RABBIT for some reason," the Baby Transponder Snail shrugged.

"Now, where wash I…" Kokoro frowned as she scratched her temple with the lip of her bottle. "Ergh, might have hit the booze a bit too hard after hearin' Yokozuna talk…"

Soundbite promptly looked away and started whistling desperately, cold sweat coating his tiny body as I pinned him with a glare.

Unfortunately, Kokoro managed to snap her fingers and bark out a relieved laugh. "Ah, yeah, now I remember! I'm here to get you two dumbasses to shtop acting like idiots and get you two tah play nice again, like the good ol' days!"

Both men and myself immediately froze, the old apprentices exchanging glances before they began uttering frantic denials.

"KNOCK IT OFF!" Kokoro cut them off with a slurred bark. "The Straw Hats are decent folk, and you've—" She jabbed a shaky finger in Iceburg's general direction. "Got some a' yer most trusted workersh with ya'. No one's ain't gonna tell no one nothin', so you're gonna drop the bullshit and be good for ten minutesh, got it!?"

It was only the fact that I was focusing on the two incognito agents out of the corner of my eye that allowed me to note the brief look they shot at one another behind Paulie's back. It was there for less than a second, but it was enough to tell me that we were screwed.

"Ah, please pardon the intrusion, Lady Kokoro!" Well, that and the fact that Kaku took the opportunity to raise his hand and speak up. "But what exactly are you talking about? Are you saying that Franky and Mayor Iceburg have a past? I thought that they hated each other? Well…" He trailed off and tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Not that I can particularly blame the mayor due to Franky's rampages…"

"Among other things," Iceburg agreed.

"Watch it, square-nose," Franky started to warn the carpenter...

"BEHAVE!"

"AGH!"/"OW!"

Before Kokoro moved faster than anyone her age and with her lack of sobriety had any right to and grabbed Franky and Iceburg's ears, yanking them hard as though they were little more than unruly children.

"Now, lishen up!" Kokoro slurred as she held the two most powerful men on the island at her mercy. "These two? Yeah, they've alwaysh hated each other, that'sh a fact, but once upon a time, they were at leasht able to work togesher to make great shings, great shings! An' considerin' what I saw an' felt earlier today, theshe people here!" She jerked her head in our crew's general direction. "Desherve noshing less than the very best poshible! Noshing lesh than what Tom's Workers were capable of, do you hear me?!"

Franky stiffened as he shot a terrified look at Kokoro. "Damn it, Granny, I know you're sloshed right now, but will you please think about what the hell you're—YEOW!" The cyborg was cut off by a particularly vicious yank.

"You shink I haven't shought thish over?" Kokoro said with a drunken glare. "None of us have been the shame shince Tom died, I'll admit, but thish crew'sh different! Thish crew holdsh as much promise as Roger'sh did, if not more! And wish everything that their old ship hash gone through? Jusht take a shecond, the bosh of you, and lishten to thish ship."

All fell silent for a few seconds. Then everyone, even CP9, shivered as another wave of emotion rolled over us all, this one an undeniable feeling of gratitude. There was a moment of silence before Kokoro spoke up again.

"There, you shee?" she demanded firmly. "Thish crew's ship lovesh 'em! And they love it! Thish crew ashked for the besht that they could get, comparable to Roger'sh Jackshon, and they desherve it!" Kokoro huffed and panted for a moment before bowing her head morosely. "There'sh only one way that they can get a ship like that. Only one way to get a ship sho… sho incredible." She looked up and pinned her two surrogate sons with a determined look, pure steel cutting straight through the haze of the alcohol. "So, I say… I say that we bring this damned company back to life… one more time, just one more time. Just long enough for Tom's two successors, Iceburg and Cutty Flam, to come together and build the Oro Jackson's successor, this little ship's successor… for the sake of Roger's successor."

While Franky and Iceburg looked away from Kokoro in a combination of shame and thought, I myself was reflecting on her speech. In my opinion, it was the most awesome, heartwarming and nightmarish thing I'd ever heard. The awesome and heartwarming bits were pretty obvious, sure, but as for the nightmare…

My heart dropped into my gut as I watched Kaku and Kalifa's empathetic masks slip for just a moment, for just an instant, revealing the naked steel hiding below. And then they were back in place, utterly flawless.

The nightmare came in the form of the fact that CP9 had just located their target beyond a shadow of a doubt and there was little to nothing I could do about it. The only way this wasn't going to play out exactly as badly as it did in canon was if we took those two down right then and there, and there was no way that I'd be able to rationalize that to Iceburg or Franky unless I could prove that they were CP9. If we attacked them without proving that, we'd instantly earn the ire of the whole island, and things would go just as badly as they did in the story. If I tried to unmask them and didn't succeed, I'd just paint a bigger target on my back for them to deal with. And honestly, for all that I knew about them, there wasn't anything I could think of that would result in Franky and Iceburg having any reason to believe me—

"Hey, shouldn't Sanji, Chopper, and Robin be back by now?" Luffy asked obliviously. "I'm hungry!"

"…Now that you mention it, I didn't give them that much cash, they shouldn't be taking this long," Nami remarked, looking towards the town with a frown. And at that moment, Iceburg and Franky both stiffened and looked back at us.

"…Before I agree… allow me to clarify something: you have Nico Robin as part of your crew?" Iceburg asked with ill-concealed coldness.

I processed that tone for a second, and then I suppressed a massive sigh of relief. That was the opening I needed, it was the one thing that could make those two break cover immediately. But I had to be careful.

"Yeah, she's part of our crew, our archaeologist. Why do you ask?" I posed.

Iceburg stared at me for a few moments before shaking his head. "No, it's nothing—"

"Don't give me that," I cut in. "You obviously have some kind of issue with Robi—oh, wait." I cut myself off with an exaggerated snap of my fingers. "Let me guess: you actually believe what the Government says about her, don't you."

Iceburg blinked, and I raised a hand to my face, sliding it down both in a clear show of exasperation, and as a means of hiding my mouth as I hissed instructions to Soundbite. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nami and Zoro cock their heads before casually heading into the storeroom and leaving the door open.

"You actually think that she wants to destroy the world?" I forged on once they were gone. "That she sunk six battleships on her own when she was eight? Seriously, Iceburg, you're smarter than that: if I've proven anything with my show, it's that you can't trust everything that the Government says. In fact… you and Franky should know that better than anyone."

Both of them stiffened, and seemed a second from reacting with hostility. I cut in quickly before they could get the chance. "And that's just another one of the many injustices that drove me to start the SBS in the first place."

That gave them pause, and they both relaxed marginally. Franky stared straight at me. "You and your impossible knowledge… what exactly are you trying to say?"

I sighed, and folded my arms, choosing my words very carefully. "I'm trying to say that Robin's only interest—and the only interest of the archaeologists of Ohara, for that matter—was, is and always has been history. Let me paint a picture for you: before she joined us, she read the Poneglyph that bore the location of one of the Ancient Weapons, Pluton, in a tomb that was falling to pieces around her. And the fact that it didn't contain the history she was looking for after what she went through to be able to read it devastated her enough that she consigned herself to die, buried alive among the stone."

I let that sink in for a second before nodding my head at our captain. "Luffy saved her life against her will, and that's why she came onboard with us; since then, she's become one of us. And trust me when I say that bringing up the lies that the Government told about why she has her bounty is something that we won't stand for, me in particular!"

Iceburg and Franky both stared at me, and looked around the rest of the deck. There was nothing but solidarity there. Finally, they looked back at me, and Iceburg spoke quietly.

"How certain are you that she has no interest in reviving the Ancient Weapons?" he asked.

"I bet my life on it," I said, staring him straight in the eyes. For the longest time, he searched me for any sign of deceit. Finally, he sighed and closed his eyes.

"…Franky. If Nico Robin has no interest in reviving Pluton and the only Poneglyph with its information is buried, then there's only one course of action to take now," he said quietly.

Franky nodded with a solemn chuckle. "Yeah, yeah, don't need to tell me twice. Shame, though…" He clicked his stomach-fridge open and started absentmindedly rummaging through it. "I really wanted to use at least some of these designs…"

"Huh?" Kokoro looked between her two old friends in shock. "Are you saying you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do? Are you two really gonna do that to Tom's gift?"

"It's more the curse of the company than anything," Iceburg replied, scratching the back of his head with a wry chuckle.

"Yep, this thing's been nothing but a ball and chain," Franky concurred as he started to draw his arm out of his gut. "To be completely honest? I won't be sad to see this thing bur—!"

Time seemed to freeze as the cyborg drew his hand into the air, a sheaf of papers in his hands, and brought them level with his head.

One second Kalifa and Kaku were standing by a thoroughly confused Paulie, the next they were standing before Franky, hands outstretched as they desperately reached for some of the most dangerous pieces of paper in the world—

FWOOSH! "YEOW!"

And the second after that found everyone—save Franky, who was dancing around and flailing his burning hand in terror—staring at the burning, tar-covered mass that had once been some of the most dangerous pieces of paper in the world.

"To answer your question…"

All eyes turned from the fire to both me and the happily panting dog-gun who I was kneeling by and petting proudly. I stared Kaku and Kalifa dead in the eyes as a sadistic smile spread over my face. "Yes, I did do that on purpose. Spandam won't be happy, will he?"

They tried. They tried so hard to keep their calm, it was both admirable and a little sad.

But ultimately, the carpenter and the secretary's calm masks shattered, revealing rictuses of pure, unholy rage bubbling beneath.

"You're dead," they intoned in voices utterly devoid of emotion. They then proceeded to become human blurs—

CLANG!

Before coalescing into visible figures a few feet away from me, raised legs struggling against thin air.

I chuckled at their shell-shocked expressions. "And now, you just broke cover. Forget that pathetic excuse for a human being that you call a chief, Lucci is going to be furious." I shook my head as I spread my arms in a 'what can you do' manner. "You two picked the wrong person to try staying undercover in front of; nobody withstands my words."

"Now, if only you could find a way to do more with less, you bigmouth," Nami's voice chuckled from the air directly in front of Kalifa. Or rather, from beneath the air, which proceeded to melt away and reveal Nami and Zoro, who were standing before the assassins with their weapons drawn in order to block them. It was a real credit to Nami's rapidly rising status as a badass that she wasn't even shaking as she blocked Kalifa's leg with the shaft of her Perfect Clima-Tact.

"Speak for yourself, witch," Zoro chuckled around Wado Ichimonji's hilt, looking like he was having the time of his life as he held Kaku's leg back with his other two swords. "Considering how every time he opens his mouth we get into a fight, I think I'm starting to actually like hearing Cross talk."

"Before you two get it in your heads to start arguing," Vivi soothed as she stepped up behind the assassins, spinning one Lion Cutter by its chain while holding the other at the ready. "I formally suggest that we agree to disagree. Agreed?"

"Agreed," the mates concurred.

"OK, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!" Paulie suddenly roared, apparently having gotten fed up with being kept in the dark.

"Yeah, Cross, what is going on?" Luffy said, tilting his head with such a degree of innocent confusion that you could just about see the question mark hanging over his head.

"DAMN IT, YOU'VE BEEN HIDING STUFF FROM US AGAIN, HAVEN'T YOU!?" Usopp sobbed from where he was hiding behind the mast.

"Heh, well, I for one don't mind!" Boss chuckled as he drew out his dart and let it swing like a pendulum. "I like to be surprised! It's pleasant, makes me feel all tingly inside! Ain't no other feeling like it! Ain't that right, boys?"

"BOSS, YES, BOSS!" the TDWS barked, falling into ready-positions as means of salute.

"Allow me to summarize!" I announced as I stood up and clapped my hands. "These two, along with two others on this island, are deep-cover infiltrators from the World Government's covert hit-squad, Cipher Pol No. 9. Their mission was to gain the trust of the citizens of Water 7 so as to search out and acquire the blueprints for the Ancient Weapon Pluton, which Lassoo just did us all the favor of obliterating. Now, see, I was planning on playing things nice and subtle, derail their plans quietly and without the need for all this fanfare…" I turned my head to throw an acrid glare at Kokoro. "But somebody just had to go and get hammered and then throw my timetable way off, didn't they?"

"Nagagaga!" Kokoro cackled as she scratched the back of her head sheepishly. "Whoops! My bad, sorry! Nagagaga!"

"DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND LAUGH AFTER SHAMELESSLY SCREWING UP ONE OF MY PLANS, YOU DAMN HAGFISH!" I barked indignantly. Eesh, is this how Nami feels whenever she goes all shark-teeth on us? Now I see why she's so irritable all the time.

"Icefish, actually!" Kokoro provided innocently.

"Ergh…" I scowled and ran a hand beneath my cap in an effort to calm myself down. "Alright, anyway, getting back on track…" I grinned malevolently as I slammed my fist into my palm. "How about we all join in on the time-honored pastime of beating World Government employees senseless?"

Kaku and Kalifa exchanged glances before the square-nose focused on me. "Clearly, Mister Cross, you've yet to show the world even a fraction of the depth of your knowledge," Kaku enunciated coldly, the smiling carpenter he'd been for the past five years dead and gone. "Regardless, I would recommend that all of you show restraint. Challenging CP9 is a thoroughly foolhardy action—"

"For the love of you-know-who," I rolled my eyes in genuine exasperation. "Have you ever heard the words 'situational awareness'? We. Are. PIRATES!" I swung my arm out over the deck. "We fight the World Government on a matter of principle, and we're already wanted. Your status as a 'Government Official' means less than bupkis around here, dipshit."

Kaku stared at me for a few seconds before exhaling. "Well, that's half of my argument gone… but nevertheless, if you know this much, it's a safe assumption that you know how strong we are. Challenging us to a fight is suicidal."

"Give me a break," I snorted. "Now all you're doing right now is sticking out your giant nec—er…" I surreptitiously coughed into my fist. "Nose, and inviting us to try cutting it. Look around you, again!" I spun my finger in the air. "You guys might be bigshot badasses, sure, but us?" I jabbed my thumb at myself. "I know for a fact that we're in the top ten when it comes to this generation of pirates, and that's just our Captain and first-mate, who are both present, I might add."

Luffy made his presence known by starting to tap his pipe in his hand, while Zoro's already savage smile widened.

"Even besides them, however, it's still 15 against 2."

"AHEM!"

I rolled my eyes again. "If you say so, Su. 16 against 2. And while not all of those 16 can go frontline on a whim—"

"I'm fine up here, thanks!" Usopp called from the crow's nest he'd somehow climbed into and was aiming his slingshot from.

"—the rest of us—" I lowered my hand to Lassoo, who leapt up and transitioned into a form I could swing onto my shoulder. "Very much can."

Conis imitated my action by unslinging her Burn Bazooka and holding it in her customary reverse grip. Carue spread his wings and flashed his blades menacingly, and the Teenage Dugong Warrior Squad slowly inched their way around the assassins, leaving them no means of escape. Kalifa let out a scoff.

"Numbers mean nothing. Allow us to demonstrate the formidability of the Six—"

ZAP!

Kalifa's eyes shot wide, a gasping scream escaping her lips as Nami nonchalantly disconnected the Clima-Tact's Thunder Rod and jammed it into her stomach, volts all but leaping off of it. The resulting charge left her stumbling back, coughing up smoke.

"Science lesson: be it a cloud or a body, Iron still conducts electricity," Nami explained smoothly.

"Damn you—!" Kaku started to snarl.

BASH!

"GAH!" the assassin yelped, collapsing to his knees on account of a hundred pounds of pure metal slamming into his back with the force of an RPG.

"Strong Right," Franky enunciated coldly as he reeled his arm's chain in.

Caught off-guard, Kaku's defense must have slipped, because the next second he grunted in pain as one of Zoro's swords—Kitetsu the Third, naturally—pierced through his leg with ease.

"Stay down," the swordsman intoned viciously as he stuck Yubashiri in the suddenly still carpenter's face. "Or else I'll make sure that no one mistakes you for our sniper again."

"HEY!"

"It's true and you know it!"

Meanwhile, Kalifa tried to make a run for it—

"Rope Action: Hangman's Knot!"

"GYAH!"

But didn't get far before Paulie joined in, his voice even colder than Franky's, his arm flicking out and binding Kalifa from head to foot and leaving her hanging upside down in a matter of moments.

Of course, Kalifa tried to struggle—

"I wouldn't if I were you."

But she swiftly froze when she observed the knife Paulie was holding mere inches from her eye.

"And you'd better not say so much as a word about sexual harassment," the ropemaster continued dryly. "Because I have heard every joke you can imagine and I've been fighting it since day one, so don't even start, traitor."

Kalifa narrowed her eyes at her former colleague but didn't say anything further.

I hid a snicker behind my fist as I observed the interaction. "Seriously, Iceburg, how did you ever deal with her? Honestly, I just don't see a lot of difference between the agent and the secretary. Hey, lady, on the remote chance that you ever go undercover again, I think you could benefit from being a little more…" I made a show of thinking long and hard before snapping my fingers in faux-realization. "Oh, I know! Go for bubbly!"

That got a reaction out of Kalifa in the form of her twisting her head to pin a murderous glare at me. "'Bubbly'," she repeated frigidly. "Excuse me if I think that that particular adjective would not be at all beneficial, and if I refuse to take any advice from you, brat."

My smirk faded briefly, and then returned twice as strong. "Soundbite? A nice and localized Gastro-Phony, if you please."

"COMIN' RIGHT UP!" the gastropod cackled.

The next instant, Kalifa's complexion became an unhealthy shade green and she groaned as she clenched her eyes shut, visibly fighting against her own body. It was admittedly quite impressive.

Still, I spared her barely another glance as I turned towards Kaku. "And now for you."

The square-nosed carpenter panted desperately as he leaned his head up as much as he could, casting his eyes around in desperate search of escape before finally latching onto Paulie. "P-Paulie, please, listen to me!" he pleaded with such desperation that if I hadn't been listening for it I would have thought his stammer to be genuine. "I-I'm sorry for lying to you, but I had to! The Government, y-you don't just disobey it on a whim! I had to do what they ordered to survive, but I swear, the last five years have been the best of my life! J-Just let me go and things can go back to the way they've always—!"

THWACK!

The assassin's pleading was suddenly cut off by a fist smashing into the middle of his face and bouncing his head off the deck.

"You're fired," Iceburg announced grimly as he rubbed his bleeding knuckles, shooting a dark glare at Kalifa. "And don't even think about using me as a reference."

The only response the assassin could muster was a tortured groan.

I smiled and started to say something—

"I PITY THE FOOLS!"

—when we all jumped on account of a very loud and very black voice belting out of nowhere.

Of course, my confusion promptly turned to exasperation that made me facepalm when I noticed that the voice had come from Iceburg's breast pocket and that Soundbite was laughing his slimy ass off. "Someday, you are going to have to learn that you are not even half as funny as you think you are."

"I'LL BELIEVE THAT when you-know-who SAYS IT! HAHAHAHEEHEEHEEHOOHOOHOO—Puru puru puru puru!—eh? Ah, damn," Soundbite cut himself off with an exasperated roll of his eyes. "It's like the world—Puru puru puru puru!—FREAKING TIMES IT!"

"It probably does," I shrugged. "So, who's calling? Them?"

"Nah, looks likePuru puru puru puru!—it's Pin—!" Soundbite paused in horror. "—KIE…"

I stiffened as realization hit me as well.

Pinkie.

Chopper had Pinkie.

I grit my teeth in equal parts dread and anger as I slowly picked up the receiver. "…Do I… even need… to ask?" I hissed vehemently.

"…She tied Sanji into a pretzel when I wasn't looking, and then she was just gone," Chopper whispered solemnly.

"…I knew it. I knew it. I fucking knew it! ROBIN, YOU IDIOT!" I snarled in frustration, furiously slamming my fist into the mast.

Zoro growled viciously as he yanked his blade out of Kaku's leg and turned to me. "So, what now, Cro—?"

It happened in an instant, if that. One moment Kaku was lying flat on the deck, the next he'd spun into a handstand, wind whistling around him as he lashed out a Tempest Kick.

A Tempest Kick that didn't hit anyone on account of how it was aimed at Kalifa's binds instead.

Kalifa flipped herself over in midair the second she started falling, and the second her foot hit the deck she and Kaku were just… just gone.

We all stared at the space the two had occupied moments ago in utter shock.

"Well… SHIT," Soundbite summarized.

Thank God for the little shit's mouth, because it was exactly the kick in the nads I needed to get talking again. "EVERYBODY INTO TOWN, NOW!" I belted out furiously.

Everybody jumped in shock at my sudden shout.

"Cross, what—?" Iceburg started to ask.

"These sick fucks specialize in playing shadow games!" I explained. "If they get into town and manage to start talking to anyone before we get you in the public eye, they'll spin a yarn about how we kidnapped you and Paulie and turn Galley-La and the whole damn island on us! The name of their game is covertness and anonymity, so we need to stay in the light! So long as plenty of people can see us, they can't do shit!"

Franky grunted in understanding and jabbed his thumb over his shoulder. "Makes sense to me. Tell me who those bastards' allies are, and I'll get my boys to spread the word."

"The other two are Rob Lucci and Blueno and yes I'm damn sure!" I cut off the incredulous answer he was seconds away from belting out. "I'm sorry, but it's the truth. And make sure that your boys do not engage any of them in a fight, because they will not hesitate to kill, and both of them have Devil Fruit powers! Any other questions?!"

"Nah, sounds good to me," a thoroughly pissed Paulie snarled out as he hopped onto the Merry's railing. "I'll head to the railway—!"

"No!" I cut him off hastily. "They won't be headed there until tomorrow night!"

Paulie only needed a second to get the message and pale in horror. "Laguna."

"Exactly," I confirmed grimly before looking over at the Switch Station's master. "And should they manage to set out with it, there's only one way we'll be able to give chase."

Kokoro cackled eagerly as she took a swig from her bottle. "A high-speed pursuit, eh? Sounds fun! I'll go ahead and get Rocket Man oiled and ready to go! See ya if ya need it, Strawhats!" And with that she leapt overboard and started waddling off.

"Everyone else!" I looked around at the crew. "Find Robin, find those bastards, and so long as they're not Lucci? Beat them into the fucking ground! Now come on!" I slung Lassoo onto my back and strode towards the city.

"Mister Cross."

I paused with one foot on the Merry's railing and glanced over at Iceburg.

"Given the current circumstances," he stated solemnly. "I'll take whatever advice you have to offer at face value. But as soon as this conflict is resolved, I expect a very good explanation for how you know what you do."

I didn't even hesitate to nod in agreement. "The second all's said and done here, one way or another, you'll find out everything there is to know." I gave my as-of-yet uninformed crewmates a significant look. "And that's a promise."

Conis, Su and the Dugongs smiled in acknowledgment before re-adopting serious expressions, the five martial artists diving overboard to traverse the canals and everyone else jumping to shore to start heading inland, firm determination on all of their faces.

I took a second to gather my wits before following them, heading into the city with all the stamina that I had built up since I came to this world, and finding that I was barely winded in doing so. The first thing I did was wave down the first free Yagara I saw. "Are you with the Union?" I asked frantically.

"Yeh! Cross, right? Whaddaya—?"

"Spread the word to however many members you have: help my crew, Iceburg, Paulie, Tilestone, Lulu, and the Franky Family. And hinder Rob Lucci, Kaku, Kalifa, and Blueno the bartender. And if a woman with long black hair and a black leather outfit shows up, take her straight to us. Hurry and spread the word, please."

The Yagara stared for only a second before nodding and speeding off. I put a hand to my forehead in an effort to calm myself; that would cover a lot more ground, I was sure, but would it be enough?

So considering, I started running again, scanning the crowd frantically for any sign of Robin, certain that I'd be able to catch at least a glimpse of her if I kept looking. I ran for the next ten minutes until I finally slumped over, catching my breath—

"LOOK OUT!"

"Say wha—MMPH!?"

And the next thing I knew I was being dragged into an alley.

-o-

"Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it—!"

"Will you shut the hell up, witch?"

"Will you show some fucking emotion, you damn barbarian!" Nami snapped irately as she spun on her heel in order to jab her finger in Zoro's chest. "Listen you bastard, I know you have the emotional range of one of your damn swords, but—!"

"HEY!" Nami jerked in shock as Zoro grabbed her finger and snarled point-blank in her face. "Let me make this clear: I keep my emotions under control because the last time I let them get the better of me in a life-or-death situation, I was almost cut in half. But we both know that I can do rage really well, so don't think for even a second I'm not pissed off about the fact that they've taken one of our crew, got it!?"

Nami fearfully stared at him for a second before letting her shoulders sag and looking away in shame. "I… I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that, but—!"

"I know," Zoro cut her off, not even missing a beat as he strode past her. "Now come on. Let's go and get that moron back. With any luck, we'll be able to find her first, and I'll be able to break her nose without the Love Cook getting on my back."

The navigator hesitated for a scant second before smirking and striding after him. "Leave some for me once you're done."

"—the hell are you doing, Robin?!"

Then both of them stopped cold as Cross' voice suddenly came from Brain, who was positioned on Zoro's shoulder.

"I apologize for the subterfuge, Cross, but I didn't have a choice. If I'm going to keep my cover in place, I can't be seen in public."

What was unmistakably Robin's voice came out next, casual as when they last met her.

"Oh, thank God he found her," Nami sighed in relief.

"Sounds more like she found him really," Zoro scoffed before speaking up. "Anyway, Cross, where are you?"

Cross, however, summarily ignored him. "Your cover? What do you mean 'your cover'!? Aokiji might be a lazy ass, but he wouldn't keep things to himself forever!"

Robin chuckled wryly. "It would seem that for once I know more than you. Come with me, I'll explain when we're not out in the open."

"The hell—?" Nami frowned in confusion before raising her voice. "Cross! Cross! Damn it Cross, where the hell are you!?"

Once again, Nami was ignored and was instead answered by the sound of rattling metal. "Geeze, Robin, did you have to yank me that hard? You slammed my transceiver into the wall!"

"Your indestructible transceiver you mean?"

"…well, when you put it like that, I just feel silly."

"You are silly!"

"Quiet, you!"

Zoro scowled grimly. "Damn, it must be another feature of that stupid box. We can hear him but he can't hear us."

"Damn it, if it's not one thing it's another with him…" Nami growled as she rubbed the bridge of her nose, before pausing as a thought struck her. "But… wait, if he's found Robin, then why hasn't he called us yet!?"

"Woah, hey, wait up a sec, Robin!" Cross suddenly barked. "I need to call up the others, let them know you're alright! At the least we can redirect manpower to take out the Cipher Pol that's buried in this town!"

"No, don't!"

"What?" Cross asked.

"What!?" Zoro and Nami chorused.

"Robin—!" Cross started to protest.

"I'm not asking you not to tell them, Cross," Robin promised swiftly. "I just need you to give me some time to explain in private. You know more about the delicacy of distribution of information than anyone on the crew, don't you?"

"I… well…" Cross trailed off hesitantly. "When you put it like that…"

Nami's eyes shot wide in alarm. "I'm not the only one who's getting 'she's playing him like a fiddle', am I?"

"Not a chance in hell!" Zoro cursed as he broke into a run down the street, with Nami close behind him.

"B-But still, Robin!" Cross hastily rallied. "The fact is that I'm just not going anywhere with you unless you can give me at least one damn good—!"

"Might I add that while I was out and about earlier, I found a group of odd thugs in an alleyway that were beaten within an inch of their lives, sporting injuries that I recognized. I don't suppose you made contact with the Unluckies earlier, by any—?"

"Let's keep going, alright? Alright!" Cross grit out in an obviously strained voice.

"Oh yeah, she's definitely playing him," Nami groaned.

"And he's swallowing it, hook, line and sinker," Zoro growled venomously.

Nami shot a dark glare at him. "Which is understandable when he really wants to trust her!"

Zoro matched her glare without hesitation. "After he's advocated being wary for so long!?"

Nami… didn't have a good answer to that.

A few seconds or so later, Robin's voice came up again, accompanied by the tell-tale sounds of a bar. "In here, and try and keep your head down. Anonymity is key right now."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it," Cross waved her off dismissively. A second later there was the bending of leather as Cross and Robin sat in a booth. "Alright, we're here and we're seated. Now what?"

"Well, first…" There was the clink of a mug being set down. "Here, best you have something to drink, you look like you're about to collapse. I'm assuming you like root beer?"

"Oh, hey, thanks!" Cross smiled thankfully. There was a greedy slurp, and then a firm slam. "Don't change the subject, Robin. Talk fast, or I call everyone and get them to fall on this place like a hammer."

Robin was silent for a moment before chuckling lightly. "Ah, it's only been a few hours, but I've missed this. I'm glad you're the one I found first, Cross. I take it that you expected CP9 to make contact with me?"

An uncomfortable silence hung in the air, and Robin's smile became a smirk. "I'm assuming you thought the worst when I left Sanji and Chopper, and I honestly don't blame you. For the record, I do apologize for what I did to Sanji, but he was sticking a little too close to me."

"Eh, don't worry about it," Cross waved her off. "He's most likely fine by now, and to be honest? So long as he had a clear view of you during the whole thing, he probably liked it."

"Damn it, cook…" Nami and Zoro ground out.

Robin chuckled lightly. "Indeed, indeed… anyway, let me clarify: I have not betrayed the crew. In order to explain my actions, well…" The archaeologist hummed contemplatively before smiling. "I can only assume that I've picked up a few too many of your habits, considering that among the first thoughts to come to mind when CP9 made contact was 'counter-infiltration'."

A pause, and then Cross' jaw dropped. "You're… You're running a long con? Against CP9!? Robin, you have got to realize just how incredibly risky that is! I know that you're in relatively close to them in terms of training, but—!"

"Considering everything you've done with the SBS, I don't think you have any right to criticize me on riskiness, Cross," Robin replied, in equal parts dry amusement and seriousness. "I am well aware of what CP9 is capable of, and as long as they believe I'm cooperating, the danger should be minimized."

"Mmph, well, when you put it like that…" Cross muttered, his voice warping slightly in such a way that indicated he was speaking into his mug. "Considering how the bastards have most likely gone to ground by now, I'll take any advantage that we can get."

"Precisely," Robin nodded solemnly. "So, you'll agree that my going with them was necessary?"

Cross shrugged slightly. "So long as you acknowledge the dangers of the task, I suppose that I can agree that this was a smart move. BUT STILL!" Nami and Zoro jumped when Cross suddenly yelled… with a slur in his voice? "There's something you should know. Something very… very important. I know that, that right now this may not seem important, but I am officially declaring this the biggest deal in the world. It's… It's, ah… ergh, my head feels… feels… I feel stuck. Stuck in the bottom of the well with little Nancy. It's cold and dark and… I'm confused… Soundbite, is it normal for a teenage girl like myself to be so disoriented?"

Nami and Zoro both stopped and stared at the snail in sheer disbelief.

"… ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH OR SOMETHING!?" Soundbite demanded, voicing their own unspoken thoughts.

"Eh…?" Cross blinked blearily. "What? No, not at all, I—! I… I, ah… wait a second…" Cross fell silent as the sound of sniffing came over the connection. "…Ah… Robin? Call me drugged, but I think I may be crazy." There was a moment of silence as Brain blinked blearily. "…No, wait, I got that… that… wait… wait a—!" The baby snail's eyes suddenly shot wide as terror surged through them. "What bar are we in, Robin!?"

Nami's heart dropped as the snail's expression flipped to one of utter sorrow. "Please don't fight them, Cross, it was the only scenario where they wouldn't cripple y—"

"Enough."

If Robin's expression had made her heart drop, the muffled voice that cut her off made Nami's blood freeze.

"Give me the snail," the voice continued grimly.

"SON OF A—LASSOO, MAUL, MAUL!" Cross barked at the top of his lungs.

"RRRRGH!" Lassoo growled viciously, nothing less than bloody murder in his voice. "RUFF RUFF RU—!"

THWACK!

"—KAI!"

"Mangy mutt," the voice grunted. "Now stop resisting and give me the snail or else—!"

There was the sudden thwack of metal meeting flesh.

"… Damn it all, Cross," Robin sighed miserably.

Cross smirked dispassionately. "Did you really expect anything less from—?"

CRUNCH!

"CROSS!" Nami screamed desperately when Brain spat up blood over the sound of bone snapping.

"Grrggrgghhh…" Cross gurgled miserably.

"YOU FUCKING FUCK!" Soundbite roared. "Fucking try to pick me up, I'll turn your hand into—!"

"I don't doubt you would, Soundbite."

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU—!?" Soundbite squawked over the tell-tale squirch of someone picking him up against his will.

"But would you do it to me?"

And just like that, Soundbite fell silent, his jaw flapping uselessly. Then came a sound like glass clinking, followed by a startled yelp.

Soundbite's was clearly horrified, then he swiftly adopted a pleading expression. "Robin, please," he begged—no, Cross's voice—begged desperately. "This isn't right, you know this isn't right. You know that none of the crew wants this—GRGH!" And just like that, 'Cross' was cut off in a strangled yelp.

"This isn't about what the crew wants, Soundbite," Robin replied quietly. "This is about what I want. And what I want is for the only friends I have in the world to be safe. And if this is the only way to be sure that the Government will stop targeting you… then so be it. And I advise against breaking that vial, considering that it's filled with salt."

There was a pained gurgle of blood and coughing, and Cross spoke with obvious effort. "You… idiot. This won't… accomplish anything… Y-You can't stop us… from following you…" he whispered.

"I suggest that you restrain yourself, Jeremiah Cross."

Another new voice, and this one was… flat-out evil. "Our arrangement with Nico Robin is that provided she follows our every command, the Government will refrain from targeting the remainder of the Straw Hat Pirates. However, something as foolhardy as attempting to rescue her would be a dealbreaker."

There was a moment of silence. Then...

"Rob Lucci…" Cross bit out through a bloody smile. "Mind... leaning closer? I've got an idea... for a new way to skin a—!"

THWACK!

"Guh… damn... pussy… cat…" Cross slurred before his eyes rolled upwards and he thankfully fell unconscious.

The first voice cocked an eyebrow. "Brutal."

Brain then proceeded to grimace. "I believe that this is the definition of harming someone for their own good," Robin whispered sadly. "He really never knows when to keep his mouth shut."

"Clearly," Lucci's voice snarled. "Now, I believe you were going to hand over the snail? And the bazooka as well, their abilities will be better suited for the—"

"Our agreement was to leave the remainder of the crew alone," Robin interrupted sharply.

"Do you seriously expect us to consider a couple of animals on equal ground with humans?" said the first voice.

The surrounding temperature suddenly dropped by a matter of degrees. "Let me remind you of something, Cipher Pol Number Nine," Robin stated frigidly. "The only reason I'm coming quietly is that you've promised that if I do, you'll leave my crew alone. This applies to all eighteen of them, human and otherwise. I assure you that if you attempt to compromise on that at all, I will render it impossible for you to take me alive. One way… or the other."

Nami and Zoro swiftly grasped the implications, and whatever doubts they'd been harboring in the deepest, darkest corners of their minds about Robin's loyalty died fiery deaths. Then the archaeologist sighed.

"All we need to do is take the transceiver. Without the SBS, the Straw Hats are no more dangerous than a typical Grand Line pirate, Cross even less so."

"…So be it," Lucci stated, and there was a clear sound of rustling leather and metal. "For the time being, however, we'll need to deposit them somewhere that the rest of the crew won't think to lo—KA-LICK!"

For a few minutes, all Zoro and Nami could do was stare at their Baby Transponder Snail in horrified silence.

Finally, Nami forced her jaw to work. "I'll take Brain and tell everyone else, you keep hunting?" she whispered numbly.

"Yup!" Zoro grunted as he tossed the baby snail into her hands and broke into a run down the street.

"Shit shit shiiit…" Nami hissed frantically as she punched in Pinkie's number. "We need to find them soon, or else, or else…" She lapsed into silence as she bit her lip.

-o-

The first thing I processed as I woke up was that I was sporting a splitting headache. The second thing was a lack of comfort. Grimacing, I leaned up with a tortured groan and blinked around blearily. My vision blurred and wavered slightly as I tried to concentrate—

SPLASH!

"GAH!"

—but that all went away when I was snapped awake by almost a gallon of water smashing me in the face.

"Ackphbt!" I hacked and shook my head in an effort to clear my vision.

For whatever reason, I was standing in the mouth of a trash-filled alleyway, covered in a goodly amount of garbage myself. However, that garbage didn't last that long…

Because it was raining absolute buckets and the canal in front of me was violently overflowing.

I turned my gaze up at the cloud-filled sky, unable to suppress a whimper of terror. "Laguna." I'd missed a full twenty-four hours!? What the hell happened to me!?

"MMPH!"

I snapped my attention to the ground, and was greeted with the sight of a gagged Soundbite making his sluggish—er, snailish—way towards me… and sporting a large steel case bound shut with a manual latch.

I snatched up Soundbite and worked the obstruction out of his mouth. The instant his airway was clear, he burst out, "LASSOO'S in the case, he doesn't have enough SPACE TO TRANSFORM!"

"Right, got it, gimme a second," I nodded wearily as I staggered towards the box and undid the latch, allowing the dog-gun to headbutt his way out with a greedy gasp.

"I… fucking… hate boxes…" Lassoo gasped thankfully.

"Glad to see you're both alright, and I'm sorry to rush you, but can either of you please tell me what just happened?!" I demanded.

"YOU FIRST!" Soundbite shot back.

"I'm with the snail," Lassoo nodded in agreement. "Your head took more of a beating like than the rest of us combined, are you sure you're alright?"

I groaned in aggravation. "No, guys, I'm fine. I've got a headache, but I'm more annoyed than anything, just tell me what-eh?" I paused as I rubbed my head, and in the process dislodged an unfamiliar weight from the top of it that I hadn't noticed before. I blinked before bending over and picking it up. Then a firestorm of emotions hit me as I processed exactly what it was.

A hat. A black, leathery cowboy hat.

I huffed and panted as my brain finally connected the dots of the last few memories I had… at which point my lips split in a vicious snarl. "Alright… correction. I'm more than just alright… I'm pissed."

Cross-Brain AN: Yes, we realize that this chapter is late. Apparently, we've set our standards too high after all. So, henceforth, we're doubling our time. We will still strive to update weekly, of course, but from now on, our deadline will be biweekly updates. It's either that or we keep falling behind, and I think it's clear which is worse between the two.

Xomniac AN: Sorry everyone, we might write like gods, but we're only human.