"So…I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this is bad?" Usopp gulped, his knees knocking furiously together.

"No shit," Zoro and Sanji bit out.

The four Straw Hats still in the Tower of Justice stared past the bridge and towards the massive steel horizon, the Gates of Justice. Said Gates were currently in the process of opening. Slowly, but with the inexorable slowness of a glacier. And it wasn't difficult to figure out why.

"We took too long. The Buster Call is here," Nami concluded grimly.

"Bit more than a Buster Call, kiddies," Kokoro noted as she yanked the cork of a bottle out with her teeth. "Check it out."

As if on cue, a cascade of golden light burst forth from the crack in the doors, causing the pirates to yelp and shield their eyes.

"What the heck?" Nami yelped.

"Ohhhh SHIT!" Cross roared, his voice dripping with terror.

"What is that, Granny?" Chimney asked in awe.

"Engrave this moment into your minds, kids," Kokoro chuckled melancholically as she poured her drink into her mouth. "Fleet Admiral Sengoku has come down to greet you himself. This here's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Or, well…" She shrugged indifferently. "The last moment of our lives, more like it. Either or."

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die, we're gonna diiiiie…" Usopp whimpered in a half-conscious rerun.

"For once, Usopp? I'm inclined to agree with you," Sanji muttered as he pinched his cigarette in place. "The Saint of Justice Sengoku himself… shit has just escalated."

"WAY MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE!" Cross bellowed over their connection before anyone could say anything else. "SOUNDBITE, HOW MANY SHIPS ARE WITH HIM?"

"Ah… I'LL BE HONEST…" The baby snail started sweating bullets. "I DON'T HAVE A CLUE. The armada goes beyond MY RANGE AT ABOUT THIRTY SHIPS OR SO."

"FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK!"

"Just to confirm," Boss said with more hesitation than he'd ever shown in his entire time on the crew. "We don't stand half a chance at fighting that many guys, do we?"

"Conshidawing how theyah all fwom Mawine HQ?" Carue deadpanned before bursting into laughter. "HAHAHAHAHA NO. Not even with Wuffy's schtupidwy high combat wevels."

"Especially not with Luffy's help," Soundbite groaned miserably. "UNLESS I MISS my guess? GARP THE HERO has also COME OUT TO PLAY."

Kokoro froze in place, her bottle cracking slightly in her grip. "…Okay, that's just cheating."

"…Right, it's official," Cross concluded in a strained tone of forced calm. "Matters have just left pear-shaped and escalated to the eldritch topographies of a taco warping through a tesseract."

That managed to snap Nami out of her stupor. "Cross!" she barked. "Snap out of it! You're our tactician, you're the one who handles our plans! Get your head back in the game and tell us what we need to do! That's an order!"

Cross jumped in shock before slowly nodding. "T-The Gate! We need to get to the controls of the Gates of Justice and lock them shut! T-The gatehouse is on our side, if we can shut the Gates and destroy the controls, the armada'll be trapped in the Tub Current, and by the time they get around the Gates, we'll be long gone!"

"That's perfect!" Nami smiled in relief. "Alright, where are the gate controls?"

"Ah… Ah! I got it! They're somewhere in the—"

BOOM!

"The hell—!?" Zoro cursed, looking around in confusion as an explosion rang through the air. "Cannon fire? But the Gates aren't open enough yet!"

"OOOOH NOOOO!" Usopp shrieked fearfully as he pointed out over the water. "LOOK! THE BRIDGE!"

The rest of the invaders followed the sniper's gaze to where, indeed, a good section of the Bridge of Hesitation was crumbling, and where a gun emplacement on one of the battleships flanking said bridge had smoke streaming out of its barrels.

"Looks like the Marines' gun crews decided to stay behind on their ships…" Kokoro nervously observed.

"…Third Pillar," Cross finished weakly. "The controls are on the Third Pillar… and we're now trapped on the Second and First. We… can't close the Gates… can't stop him from coming through…"

"…we just lost," Su summarized quietly.

The cloud fox's defeated voice managed to snap something in Nami's mind, drawing a determined scowl onto her face. "Oh, the hell we did," she hissed as she started fiddling with the straps over her chest. "Soundbite, where are the controls?"

"The hell are you—?"

"Now!" the Navigator snapped.

"GAH! W-WEST SIDE, TOP FLOOR!"

"Got it," Nami nodded. She then unslung her Waver, from her back, unfolded it, and mounted it, revving the Dial Engine in preparation as she scrutinized the agitated waters. "I'll get over there and flip that switch in a minute flat!"

"EH!?" the rest of the Straw Hats exclaimed in shock.

"Nagagaga, you do realize that this is a suicide mission, right?!" Kokoro scoffed incredulously. "Those whirlpools are ship-killers under normal circumstances, but the fact that the Gates are opening is only disrupting things further!"

Sanji glanced fearfully between the bridge and the Navigator before shaking his head in denial. "N-Nami-swan, you can't go out there!"

The second mate of the Straw Hat Pirates narrowed her eyes. "Watch me."

And before the cook could stop her, she yanked on her Waver's accelerator and blasted off into the froth of Enies Lobby's rear entrance.

Within a second, the sheer difficulty of the task became clear: For all her bravado, the massive whirlpools and the subsequent ripples and waves had her fighting not to keel over from the moment she hit the waters. Nami grit her teeth as she fought to keep her balance. "Ugh… rough waters, typical of Grand Line storms," she muttered to herself. "Conflicting currents, rip tides galore… this would sink any experienced navigator in the best of ships within seconds…"

As if on cue, the sea suddenly surged up and disgorged a wave three times Nami's height.

Nami didn't miss a beat as she ripped up the inside of the surge and burst over the top, sticking the landing without a flinch. She felt her blood start to race, a grin of primal joy crossing her face. "Good thing I'm more than just experienced. I'm the best, damn it!"

And so it was that she continued rocketing towards the third pillar, unfazed by the currents and waves and far too fast for anyone on or beside the bridge to take a shot at her. At least, not if they wanted to hit anything besides ocean. As she approached the structure, the currents started to even out, allowing her to take one hand off of the Waver's handles and take up her Clima-Tact.

What happened next occurred in the space of seconds. A few feet from the pillar proper, Nami swung her staff out and let fly a mass of Eisen Clouds that formed themselves into a ramp leading up the stonework. Then, when the ramp finished forming, she gritted her teeth in concentration and pushed the Dial engine to its maximum throttle.

For the second time in her life, the resulting speed and force born from the Jet Dial's full power managed to overpower gravity and propel Nami up the sheer wall of the pillar. Granted, it only had enough force and power to keep Nami glued to the wall for a few seconds before it died down, but those seconds were all the time she needed to reach an opening.

Once she was just below the window, Nami snapped the segments of her Clima-Tact around so that they were doubled up and then tossed them ahead of her. The blast of the Cyclone Tempo launched her out from the wall, but before she could go too far, she caught the batons as they boomeranged back and snapped out the section with the Eisen Dial, an arm of iron clouds shooting out at the pillar.

One swift jerk of her fingers was all it took to reel the arm in and ram Nami through the window Waver-first, granting her access to the gatehouse in a shower of broken glass that drew the attention of the small group of Marines (eight, to be exact) stationed within.

The second the Waver's wheel touched down on the floor, Nami accelerated again and ran down half of them in a semi-controlled charge before swerving to bleed her momentum off and bring herself to a halt.

Then, without missing a beat, she leaped off her mount and pounced on the nearest Marine, lashing out with her fully extended Clima-Tact. A strike to the gut got one doubled over enough for her to ram her knee into his forehead. From there, a spin of her staff forcefully disarmed the two who'd managed to draw their guns, and a firm smack against each of their temples disoriented them enough for her to flip them off their feet.

The last of them managed to draw his sword before Nami could stop him. He tried to cleave her in two with an overhead swing, but Nami caught the attack with her staff and diverted it appropriately before spinning around him so that she was squarely in his blind side. The soldier tried to spin around to keep track of her, but that just gave Nami the angle she needed to ram her elbow into his jaw and knock his brain for a loop. She followed up with a fist to his nose, which laid him out flat.

The navigator took a moment to get her breath back before lashing her heel out with a grunt of exertion and kicking the blatantly obvious lever in the room into the opposite of its current position.

Nami took a moment to let a sense of victory wash over her as the mechanisms in the room spun and a bone-rattling CLUNK shook the air around her.

"DAMN IT!"

Then she had to take a minute to keep from pissing herself when an impossibly loud bellow rattled her world and her very existence.

Nami remained frozen for a while longer in the tense silence before shivering. "So happy that we have a literal mountain of metal between him and us," she muttered to herself. She spared just enough time to frisk the unconscious Marines before blasting out a few bolts of lightning at several important-looking parts of the gate mechanism, before turning towards the direction she knew was south, positioning her staff again—

"Cyclone Tempo!"

And blasting the poor, doomed wall into pieces. Nodding contentedly as sunlight streamed through the hole, she formed another ramp, this one better defined than the last, before re-mounting her Waver, taking careful aim and gunning the engines. With a renewed roar and a burst of hyper-pressured air, the cloud-scooter shot up the ramp and launched her through the air.

Fifteen seconds later, she stuck the landing on the larger remaining portion of the Bridge and skidded to a halt before her stunned crewmates.

Nami propped her fist on her hip as she adopted a smirk. "So," she purred. "How'd I do?"

The memory of Cross and Soundbite's jaws all but cracking the Bridge as they unhinged would be one that would stay with Nami for the rest of her life.

-o-

"I… bu-but… y-y-you… a-and the… with… my… you…"

Obviously, it was taking a significant amount of effort to restart my brain after that. Curb-stomping Kalifa as I knew that she had—not so much as a scratch!—was one thing, but that?

"Abuh… that… and then… COULD SOMEBODY HIT ME PLEASE!?" I finally yelled out.

THWACK!

"Thank you!" I nodded gratefully to Vivi as I rubbed the spot she'd clocked before refocusing on Nami. "And you! What the shit was that!?"

Nami chuckled and shrugged casually, looking infinitely calmer than I had ever seen her. "Kalifa tried using her powers directly on my brain to wash my mind away, but instead she washed away a lifetime's worth of stress. And I guess it just made me a lot less hesitant about doing things, y'know?"

I goggled at her for a moment more, then blinked. "Uh… does that mean you don't feel like hitting me?"

Nami scrutinized me for a moment, and then shrugged as she looked back at our opponents. "Eh, for now, anyway. But at the moment!" She grinned eagerly as she popped a thumbs-up. "Now that the Gates are closed and the Marines can't get to us, how do we—?" She trailed off as she noticed our hesitant expressions. "…what?"

"Yeeeaaah, see… that's the thing," Soundbite hedged uncomfortably as he gestured with his eyestalk.

Nami slowly turned her head and then winced at what she saw. "…so, some got through, huh?" she said as she observed the titanic silhouettes that were steadily approaching us.

"The vanguard, to be specific," Boss chuffed as he exhaled a menacing cloud. "That Sengoku fella must really want our heads, because those ships slipped through as soon as there was enough space, and another got its prow crunched trying to go through when you closed it."

"Just how many are there?" Franky muttered as he thumbed his sunglasses onto his brow.

"Ten in all, carrying ten thousand, four hundred and twenty soldiers in total," Soundbite provided grimly. "In command are Vice Admirals Strawberry, Yamakaji, Doberman, Onigumo—"

"And Momonga," I muttered out under my breath. "The usual suspects… tch…" I then raised my voice as I addressed everyone present. "I suggest that you all get ready, it looks like we're going to be facing the Buster Call after all."

A shiver of fear ran through everyone as they exchanged nervous glances.

I then deepened my scowl as another thought came to me, and I looked up and past the approaching assault force. "Of course," I growled grimly. "That's only until the rest of the Marines on the other side of the Gates manage to force them open."

That got everyone to stare at me in shock.

"W-What!?" Nami stammered. "Cross, are you insane?! Those Gates are at least a dozen times bigger than the rest of Enies Lobby put together! Even with Sengoku with them—!"

SKRANG!

We all jumped as a sound akin to an off-kilter gong vibrated throughout the air. We all looked around in confusion for the source of the noise before freezing as one as we noticed it.

Specifically, as we noticed the presence of a fist-imprint the size of a mountain in the, to reiterate, flag-emblazoned metal horizon.

"…Right, what was I thinking? This is the Fleet Admiral of the Marines we're talking about," Nami chuckled hysterically.

"I… don't actually believe that that was Sengoku, Nami…" Robin whispered hoarsely.

Silence reigned for several seconds before Nami managed to force something out. "…eh?"

"Unless I miss my guess… that is the handiwork of Garp the Hero, also known as Garp the Fist."

"Ah… so, then—?"

SKRAAAAANG!

This time, not only did we reel from the vibration striking us with a slap of air, but we didn't even need to try looking for the source.

After all, we'd have to be blind to miss the island-sized palm imprint slightly buckling one of the Gates inwards.

"…now, that looks like something Sengoku would do," Robin concluded lamely.

I silently observed the imprints for a second before cracking my neck to the side. "Well!" I snorted. "At least they're going out of their way to keep things interesting."

My crewmates looked incredulously at me before each heaving weary sighs of defeat.

"Ugh. Ooof course, we should have known that it couldn't just be as 'easy' as beating all these reinforcements, or the expected ten battleships," Vivi bit out as she worked her way to her feet, her words contrasting the wry smile she was sporting. "So, great tactician… what's the strategy here?"

I took a few moments to run the situation through my head before nodding. "Well, first—!"

KABOOM!

I jumped when a massive explosion rang out, and a glance to the side revealed a plume of smoke to be rising from the waterfront, right… where the seastone fence was SHIT!

"They're already starting their bombing run, damn it!" I cursed before snapping a look at Soundbite. "Connect me to the guys still at the Tower, now!"

"—DANCING ACROSS THE STARRY SKY COULD NOT BE AS MAGNIFICENT AND ELEGANT AS NAMI—!"

"Less singing her praises, more watching your heads!" I barked urgently.

Sanji blinked in confusion. "Wha—?"

BOOM!

…I know. I know that I've said it a dozen times before, but you really can't understand just how much it bears repeating: the manga and anime could not and did not measure up to reality. Only this time… I didn't feel awe. Or at least, I didn't feel a positive kind of awe. Because really, the sight of half of a thirty-story-tall skyscraper crumpling like a soda can before falling into the abyss… what else could that kind of an image evoke apart from a stab of awe-inducing despair?

Once the remains of the building fell out of sight, all that remained was an all-devouring silence.

"T-The Tower of Justice…" Conis whispered numbly. "It's… It's gone…"

"What the hell is this?" Lassoo breathed.

"Endgame," I bit out before addressing Soundbite. "You guys alright?"

"I see a field, a beautiful field filled with golden flowers… Oh, and there's my mother, waving for me to come join her…"

"Usopp's dead on his feet, but other than that, we're fine," Zoro replied. "We're lucky they didn't aim lower."

"Oooh, trust me, they will," I growled venomously as I eyed the ever-advancing fleet of doom. "Look, we're out of time and options, you guys need to get your asses into the tunnel and make your way to the bridge, ASAP!"

"But wait, what about Lucci?!" Sanji demanded. "Luffy's still fighting him, right? How are we—?"

"It'll handle itself!" I interrupted. "Look, you guys trust me, right?"

"Duh."

"No shit, shit-brain."

"Hello mother, how have you—OW! Ah, sorry, what did he—? WHAT!? NOT ON YOUR LI—OW! Ergh, I mean yes, fine, I trust you too! Only once in a blue moon, but still."

"Then trust me now," I said patiently. "Just go down the passage and you'll get here safe and sound. Got it?"

"…I'll lead the way. Stay on my ass, mosshead."

"Cram it and walk, curly."

"I still don't like—! OW! STOP SLAPPING ME, DAMN IT!"

"Nagagaga! This crew just keeps getting more and more interesting!"

"They're really scary, but really fun!"

"Really, really fun!"

"Oi, hagfish!" I hastily added. "I'm trusting my friends with you, got that? Get them back here safe and sound, you hear?"

That brought Kokoro up short. She blinked in stunned confusion for a second before cackling louder than ever. "NAGAGAGAGAGAAAAA! You're a truly terrifying individual, Jeremiah Cross! I'm glad I'm on your side! Don't worry, you'll see them alive… though no promises on quality of life, if you know what I mean."

"Meh," I waved my hand casually. "What the hell do I care if they have a little bit of trauma banging around in their skulls? Give 'em hell, lady!"

"Can do!"

"Wait, 'hell!?' What the hell are you planning, Cro—!?"

"Talk later! RUN NOW! BYE-BYE!" Soundbite crowed before cutting the connection.

"Alright, alright…" I scratched the back of my neck as I wracked my brains. I could lower the interdiction field, tell the people at the courthouse to—no, easy money that they were high-tailing it already, they didn't need my help. And if I tried piping in with Luffy, I'd be more of a distraction than anything, so that only left…

"Alright, everyone, listen up!" I barked as I clapped my hands together and wrung them nervously. "As of this moment, we are entering into a war of attrition. These bastards are going to come down on our heads with everything that they have in an effort to break us, but no matter what, we have to hold out. Kick, scratch, bite, what the hell ever, I don't give a damn. Right now, our only priority is to survive until Luffy beats Rob Lucci—and he will beat Rob Lucci." I shot the last bit down at the transceiver with extra emphasis before continuing. "Once Luffy wins, we'll be free and clear to get the hell out of dodge and leave this hellhole in the dust!"

"And how the hell are we going to be doing that, Cross?" Franky demanded incredulously. "They've cut us off from the only other ship here, and you already pointed out we can't commandeer a battleship! I don't want to sound like I've given up, but right now, I'd say we're SUPER! screwed!"

Honestly… I knew how Franky felt. How could I not? Battleships bearing down on us, certain death literally knocking at our doorstep. Honestly, it was an impossible situation.

But in spite of all that impossibility… I smiled. A genuine smile, not the least bit strained or mischievous, and that in and of itself seemed to unnerve everyone more than one of my typical smiles would.

And as for why I smiled, well… quite simply, I smiled because I had an image in my head. An immutable image that I had memorized and taken to heart, that I'd been expecting and dreading in equal measure since I'd arrived in this world. I had an image of hope, and so long as I had that image, I would not admit defeat.

I would not do her the disservice of failing her by falling before she arrived.

"We are getting out of here," I stated proudly.

"Cross—!" Nami started.

"We are getting out of here," I re-emphasized, pumping as much power and conviction into the words as I could. "I realize that things look bad, that matters have escalated to the point of no return, I do, but I promise you." I made a point of looking everyone in the eye as I spoke. "Each and every one of you, from the bottom of my heart, I swear to you, we will leave this place. We just need to stand strong, stand firm and stay alive. Once Luffy wins, once the time arrives…" I held up my fist and clenched it firmly. "We are going to leave this place and never come back. And when we do, everyone on the planet will know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we, the Straw Hat Pirates, fought the Marines, fought the World itself, and won. So," I spread my arms invitingly. "I ask you: Who's with me?"

There was a moment of silence as everyone glanced at one another, but I eventually received a reply in the form of a scattered blanket of affirmatives.

Well, that wouldn't do at all, would it?

"I don't think you all heard me. I SAID, WHO THE HELL'S WITH ME!?" I roared as I pumped my fist in the air.

"YEAH!" most everyone else roared vigorously as they mirrored my motion.

"Good." My smile wavered slightly as I looked around. "Because it's crunch time."

And indeed it was. While three of the battleships were splitting away and undoubtedly headed for the train station and four were moving to encircle the island proper, the remaining three battleships were slowly but steadily approaching the Bridge of Hesitation and moving to surround us.

While everyone prepared themselves for battle, I took a moment to glance at what was once Enies Lobby, and I shivered. If the Gates of Justice engulfed one horizon in metal and justice, then the Buster Call was slowly but steadily consuming the other in fire and devastation. It was, to paraphrase Rowling… incredible. Horrific, terrifying, and downright sickening, true enough, but there was no other word for the sheer scale than incredible.

Hell, the constant bombardment almost managed to cover up the impacts of Garp and Sengoku's systematic blows on the gates, the rolling rumble of cannon fire shaking me to my—

Wait… shaking!

Oh, fuck.

I hastily ran over to Robin, dropping down to my knees so that I was on her level and grabbing her wrists, dragging her arms away from her temples and forcing her to lock her eyes with mine.

"Robin, Robin!" I barked shaking her slightly to focus her gaze. "Look at me, look at me, Robin! Don't look at that, don't listen to it, ignore it. Look at me, alright? Look at us. This isn't that place, Robin. This isn't that place. This will not be like then. You're not alone, remember? You're with your friends now, and they are not hurting us; every shot they take is only hurting themselves. We're here, Robin. We're all here, every last one of us, and we are not going anywhere, do you hear me?"

For a single terrifying second, I didn't think I'd managed to pull it off. For a second, all I saw was a little girl shivering in terror and with fire reflected in her eyes. But then she was gone, and Robin was back. She was back, and she was smiling and… well, I just couldn't help myself.

"There it is."

That drew Robin up short, prompting her to blink in confusion. "Huh?"

I hesitated for a moment before shrugging casually and donning a slight grin. "A smile worth fighting for."

Robin stared at me with wide eyes before hiccupping up a laugh and lightly knocking her forehead against mine. "Never change, Cross," she whispered. "Never, never change."

I breathed a sigh of relief as I leaned my forehead back. "Not on your life."

We held the position for a bit until I felt the rumblings get closer, at which point I patted her shoulder and drew back. "Now, come on…" I drew Lassoo and held him at ready as I stood up and held my hand out to her. "Let's go and give 'em hell."

Robin nodded proudly as she took my hand and pulled herself to her feet. "Let's."

Sadly, while I talked a big game and while I did feel relatively confident, the fact is that anyone would have felt some doubt looming over them in response to the mass of Marines lining up on the titanic battleships' railings, all ready and raring to charge us.

As we waited, I noticed a certain absence and sent a curious glance Soundbite's way. "Hey… you've been quiet for a while now. Any reason for that?"

Soundbite glanced nervously back at me before darting his eyes away. "Just… looking for something APPROPRIATE TO SAY, YOU KNOW?"

"Ah, right…" I nodded slowly. "Fair enough. You manage to come up with anything?"

Soundbite's eyes swept the oncoming military titans with a heavy gulp. "How about… today is a good day to die?"

I felt a pit open in my gut at the sound of him of all people saying that, but for the life of me I couldn't bring myself to refute it. "Yeah… I guess that that fits…"

"Ah, I'm sorry, Cross?" I blinked in confusion as Conis spoke up and got my attention. "I realize that you're having a conversation, but do you mind if I may say something in response to that?"

"Uh…" I shared a confused glance with Soundbite before shrugging helplessly. "Yeah, I guess? What is it?"

Conis nodded gratefully, before adopting a grim glare and leveling her bazooka at the enemy. "Fuck that," she spat venomously. "It's a good day for someone else to die."

I swear to God that the world itself fell silent at that little display.

And in that silence, I took the time to think.

"…"

"Do you think he's gonna?" Su asked curiously.

I thought about how far we'd come, not just from Water 7 to here but from the East Blue all the way to here, to this very place.

"…pf."

"Yup, he's gonna!" Boss confirmed with a guffaw.

"Honestly, did you expect anything else from him?" Vivi said, shaking her head with a wistful grin.

I thought about what we'd managed to accomplish, I thought about the consequences that resulted from those accomplishments.

"Pffff…"

"Good gwief…" Carue groaned as he slammed a wing to his face.

"Never thought I'd get to experience this firsthand!" Franky laughed as he put his fists up. "Today really is a super day!"

And I thought about the fact that we were about to meet that force head-on, with only the strength of our bodies and our backs to support us under the weight of the onslaught.

"PFFFFFFF…!"

"And in five, four, three, two," Nami counted down fondly as she spun her staff and clouds at her side.

In light of these thoughts, in light of this power and danger, in light of absolutely everything that had occurred over the course of the past twenty-four hours and six months alike…

What other option did I have…

"PFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!"

But to throw my head back and roar with gut-rattling laughter.

"PFFHAHAHAHAAAAAHAHAHA!" I cackled hysterically. "YEAH, CONIS HAS THE RIGHT IDEA! FUCK THAT NOISE! FUCK DYING, FUCK THE BUSTER CALL, FUCK THE MARINES! BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY!?"

I swung Lassoo up and delighted in the terror that suddenly appeared in the eyes of the Marines who I was aiming at.

"Fuck it all," I whispered rapturously.

And with that, I pulled the trigger, and the world went straight to hell.

-o-

"Come on, guys!" 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo roared as he pumped his fist. "I realize that this is scary as all shit, but think about it! At best, this is going to make us even more infamous! And at worst… well, I say that if we're going down, we do our damnedest to sure that this bitch never forgets us in the process! No matter what happens, let's make our names live on! A'RIGHT!?"

"AYE!" bellowed the Barto Club. All were assembled ready to fight, with only Valentine absent due to her… 'current condition'. All stood ready as the massive twin serpents and the ship they tugged drew near, and all tensed as it stopped beside the Cannibal.

"Alright, everyone…" Bartolomeo shot his fist forward with a roar. "CHA—!"

"Love-Love Beam."

A wave of presence swept over the deck of the Cannibal, and the vast majority of the Barto Club Pirates froze as they turned to stone.

"—AR—eh?" Bartolomeo paused in place, blinking in confusion as he tried to process what had just happened. And as he succeeded in doing so, his jaw promptly dropped to the deck. "Oh, fuck me."

"Well, this isn't good…" Miss Goldenweek muttered as she poked at Mr. 5's mineral forehead.

"I'm too young to die!" Apis yelped as she flung her arms around her dragon's neck, a motion that Lindy mimicked fearfully.

"Well, well, well."

The pirates all froze as a cool voice that absolutely demanded their attention spoke up, and slowly they turned their attention to the enemy ship.

The Pirate Empress Boa Hancock tossed her hair in a haughty manner as she strode onto the deck of the Cannibal, flanked on both sides by a pair of titanic snake-Zoans in their hybrid forms. "I will admit, Captain Bartolomeo," she drawled imperiously. "At first, I was… annoyed when the World Government laid the ultimatum before me that I would have to put effort into attempting to eliminate you and your crew. But now I actually find myself to be quite thankful for this turn of events. After all…" She swept a droll look over the surviving crewmates. "It's not every day that someone manages to evade the effects of my Love-Love Fruit."

The Warlord proceeded to cast her head back, waaay back as she looked 'down' upon the pirates. "Tell me the secrets of how you resisted my unparalleled beauty, and I shall make your deaths… painless."

"Otherwise…" Boa Marigold hissed as she slithered across the deck and flanked the pirates. "We'll be the ones to kill you instead."

"Trust us," Boa Sandersonia snickered sadistically as she mirrored her serpentine sister, picking up a stray barrel with her tail as she went. "It will be slow…" She then squeezed her tail and gradually squeezed the barrel to matchsticks. "And it will be nothing short of agony."

After a minute of hesitant silence, Miss Goldenweek shrugged slightly. "I hypnotize people via a specific painting design I discovered combined with different colors. People are forced to feel whatever emotions the colors signify once it's attached. One of my techniques is known as Colors Trap: Tranquil Green." She jabbed her thumb over her shoulder. "And I had it tattooed into my back some time ago to help me with my focus. Green is a secondary color and is only surpassed by Terror White, which can surpass all other colors, and the primary colors of Rage Red, Sadness Blue, and Laughter Yellow, and even then, only when they're overwhelming. Lovesick Pink is a tertiary color. With Tranquil Green permanently affecting my emotions, I'm largely immune to such feelings."

"… Wait, you mean to say that you fuckin' hypnotically castrated yourself?" Bartolomeo demanded incredulously.

"What can I say?" Goldenweek shrugged indifferently as she drew a rice cracker from her bag and started into it. "Emotions are a hindrance, and I am nothing if not a professional."

"…right…" Hancock finally stated uncomfortably before shifting her attention to Apis. "And you, child? And your pet as well, seeing as my powers work even upon the non-human."

The Whisper-Girl flinched slightly at the attention before scratching her cheek uncomfortably. "Ah… w-well… honestly, the only thing I can think of is that I'm ten. I, ah…" She shrugged helplessly. "I don't really think about stuff like that yet, you know? And you're too scary for the more, uh…"

"Platonic forms of love?" Miss Goldenweek helpfully supplied.

"Yes? I think?" Apis nodded hesitantly before continuing. "And as for Lindy, well…" She looked up at the dragon in askance, blinking in confusion. "Ah… I don't really get it, but according to him, 'there is no human alive who could possibly comprehend my sexual preference,' whatever that means."

Hancock blinked in surprise and eyed the dragon curiously before shivering as it adopted an indecipherable leer. "Understandable…" she muttered nervously. She then regained her posture as she shifted her glare onto Bartolomeo. "And what of you, 'Black Bart'? What is your excuse?"

The fresh attention towards him served to snap Bartolomeo out of the awkward surprise that his unaffected crewmates had provoked. He took in the sight of his crew, his crew, reduced to the statue section of a garden store, and slowly bowed his head, his fists clenched at his sides. "Your powers… they depend on someone being attracted to you, huh?" the shark-toothed man muttered grimly. "Then… I guess that it's too bad for you; there's only one person in the world that I'll ever admire or view with awe, and it ain't you."

Hancock cocked an eyebrow in vague disinterest. "Oh? Is that so?"

"Yeah… yeah, it is…" Bartolomeo slowly let a lunatic's grin split his face. "Y'know… it sucks balls that I'm gonna die here, it really fuckin' does, but the truth is? I really can't find it in me to give a rat's ass. Why, you ask?" The light around Bartolomeo's arms warped and shifted, snapping into a pair of barriers as he snapped a vicious leer at Hancock. "I wound up in this situation for that person's sake, and if it were all in their name, then I would gladly do it all the fuck over again!"

Before anyone could react, Bartolomeo loosed a howl ripped straight from the very bottom of his soul and charged at Hancock.

"FOR THE NEXT KING OF THE PIRATES!" Bartolomeo roared as he took a flying leap at her, arm cocked back for the mother of all haymakers. "FOR STRAW HAT LUFFY! BARRIER-BAR—!"

In a blur of motion, Hancock's hand snapped out and grabbed Bartolomeo out of the air by his throat as though he were a passing pigeon.

"—GWAGH!" Bartolomeo gagged as he scrabbled at the iron-hard fingers that were throttling him. "Y-You damn bi—!"

"Be quiet."

Any motion on the deck of the ship snapped to an immediate halt as everyone, save for the snake Zoans, stared at Hancock in terror.

And for good reason, too: The Pirate Empress's expression had morphed itself into a mask of authority that was practically gorgonian, her terrible beauty untarnished, but a semblance of some great predator permeating her countenance.

Bartolomeo got it worst of all. For a single second, he swore that he might as well have been a tiny, insignificant rat, clutched in the coils of a world-encompassing serpent, whose fangs were about to devour him whole.

"Explain what you meant," she intoned frigidly. "When you said that you did this for Luffy."

Bartolomeo swallowed heavily around the vice grip on his throat, and just as he opened his mouth to answer her—

"Ahhhh, now that was a good nap!"

All attention on the deck shifted again, this time to where a door in the Cannibal had opened and a thoroughly refreshed-looking Miss Valentine had stepped out onto the deck. "Sorry about earlier, everyone, I just got a bit overwhelmed, is all!" She grinned happily. "Turns out, all I needed to get my head back together was some time to cool down! I'm much… bet… ah…"

The ex-assassin trailed off as her eyes swept over the deck. Her petrified crewmates, the enemy ship with the easily recognizable flag next to the vessel, the Warlord of the Seas holding her captain at her mercy…

She was about to say something…

"Hi, there!"

When the grinning face of one of the massive serpent-Zoans onboard suddenly filled her vision.

"My name's Boa Sandersonia!" the Amazon stated pleasantly. "It looks like there's a good chance our crews are gonna become friends! Do you think you could point me to your storeroom? We left Amazon Lily in a hurry to hunt you guys down, so I'm parched!"

Valentine blinked slowly as she processed the words before an utterly broken smile plastered itself upon her face and she fell backward, her body blissfully fluttering to the ground.

Sandersonia blinked in surprise before shooting a sheepish smile at the rest of the people present. "IIII think I might have broken her. Sorry?"

"Meh, it's not your fault," Goldenweek droned as she bit into a rice cracker. "She's had a rough few hours."

"I can only imagine…" Marigold muttered dryly as she watched her sister poke at the ex-assassin.

-o-

"Oooh my. They're gettin' quite worked up down there, aren't they?"

These words, while drawled in a carefree manner and utterly innocuous, were spoken by a rather unique individual.

Said individual was about fifteen feet in height, lanky in such a manner that he appeared both non-threatening and menacing, and was clad in a bright yellow striped suit.

Said individual was also standing on a relatively out-of-the-way part of the deck of a battleship that was over a mile out from Enies Lobby's Bridge of Hesitation, observing the ongoing conflict with only the most wishy-washy kind of interest.

Said individual's name and title were Admiral Borsalino, codename Yellow Monkey, 'Kizaru'.

"Hooo…" the Admiral whistled appreciatively as a particularly sizeable explosion blossomed on the deck, downing about two or three dozen Marines at once. "They're really givin' it their all, huh? And they're only Paradise pirates? Geeeze, this new generation is proving itself to be filled with nothing but the scariest of Monsters, ain't it?"

"'Monsters'? Pch, what, ya ain't heard yet, Monkey-boy?"

Kizaru glanced over his shoulder and observed as another Marine, this one a Vice Admiral with a massive grin and a lit cigar, strode up to stand by him. "Hey, Yama."

"There's more than just 'Monsters' down there, Monkey," Vice Admiral Yamakaji continued as he watched the fight. "Apparently, that there crew's got its own fair share of 'Demons', too."

"Hooo…" Kizaru shook his head slowly. "Monsters and Demons… what scary, scary people."

"Yeah, some of the scariest." Yamakaji's grin widened slightly as he glanced up at the Admiral. "But you're scarier than all of them, aintcha? Stronger too. You could end it all right now, couldn'tcha?"

"Hmm…" Kizaru hummed noncommittally for a moment as he scratched his five-o-clock shadow before nodding. "Yeah, that's true." He held up his palm towards the battlefield, the very center of his hand starting to glow. "I could wipe 'em all away in the blink of an eye, the Bridge too…" He then shifted his fingers so that he was pointing a finger-pistol, the digit unerringly following Jeremiah Cross's head across the distance as a bulb of light built up on the very tip. "Or I could just kill them all one by one before they even knew what hit them…"

He then proceeded to lift his arm higher… and then used it to scratch behind his head with a sigh. "Buuut I dunno. That all seems like a lot of useless hassle. Why not just hang back and let the boys in white have their fun instead?"

Yamakaji shrugged indifferently as he chewed on his cigar. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Though really, if I was in yer shoes? I'd take the paperwork inta account."

Kizaru blinked curiously as he glanced down at the Vice Admiral. "Paperwork? What of it?"

Yamakaji waved his hand through the air. "Eh, it's just that I've always found after-action reports to take a lot less time than explanations for lack of activity, 's all. 'Spose it don't matter to you what with you havin' light speed an' all, but still, one has Sengoku pissed at you, the other don't, ya know what I mean?"

The Admiral hummed thoughtfully, scratching his stubble as he considered the options. After a few seconds of thought, he sighed, and his entire body started to glow. "I guess I might as well go down there and kill 'em quickly then."

A slightly predatory sheen crept into Yamakaji's grin. "Sounds good ta me."

-o-

"Hey, Soundbite? Remind me why you're not acting like the 'god of noise' you apparently are and blowing out all of these bastards' eardrums!?" Nami demanded as she slammed a wave of Iron Cloud into a group of Marines.

"You actually think that these shitstains ARE THE CREAM OF THE CROP? Fat chance OF THAT!" Soundbite scoffed from a few meters away. "THESE ARE THEIR CHUM. THE SECOND-STRINGERS, MEANWHILE, are waiting in the wings for the order to knock OUR BLOCKS OFF. I'll blow my best ONCE THEY BLOW THEIRS!"

Nami frowned but conceded the point with a nod. Refocusing her attention on the fight at hand, she turned to lash out another wave of cloud and lightning before freezing in place.

The reason for the pirate's sudden paralysis was because, by necessity, Nami had become extremely competent in the practice of spotting even the smallest glint in her surroundings in her eight years of treasure hunting for Arlong. She had come to develop this unique skill for two separate reasons, one obvious and commonplace and one more… exclusive, for lack of a better word.

The obvious reason, of course, was that gold glinted and she couldn't spare half a beri. The exclusive reason, however, was that after the first time she'd gotten a bullet in her leg from someone she couldn't even see, she made damn sure there wouldn't be a second.

So when Nami managed to catch sight of a glint flashing on a far-off battleship, she didn't hesitate to snap out as vast a mirage as she could manage, hiding the entire side of the bridge facing the ship. "SNIPER, GET DOWN!" she screamed at the top of her lungs before throwing herself to the ground.

After taking a moment to catch her breath, Nami glanced up and towards the battleship with a scowl. "Now we just have to hope that that damn bastard doesn't try again."

-o-

Vice Admiral Yamakaji blinked in bemusement as he confirmed that yes, an instant after Admiral Kizaru had shifted into pure light to transition to the Bridge, a second flash of light had shot out from the Bridge and off to parts unknown.

Acting on a hunch, the Vice Admiral drew a spyglass through his coat and peered through it, looking for… yes, that shimmer right there was definitely the light-refracting natural phenomenon known as a mirage.

Which only meant one thing.

"Well, shit," Yamakaji sighed wearily as he returned his spyglass to his coat. With great care, he extracted a Baby Transponder Snail and punched in a number. "Wonder where the hell he wound up this time… Fleet Admiral Sengoku? Now, I know that yer rather upset right now—"

"Get to the point, Vice Admiral Yamakaji. In case you haven't noticed?"

SKRRRAAANG!

The Vice Admiral shivered in terror as the next palm imprint appeared in the Gates, even deeper than the previous hits.

"Nothing can make me angrier than I am now."

"Um, well then… I'm afraid that Admiral Kizaru forgot to look before he leaped in his… eagerness to join the fightin'. As such, his attempt to utilize his Sacred Yata Mirror to reach the Bridge of Hesitation just went awry thanks to a, er…" The Vice-Admiral coughed into his fist. "Unfortunate turn of events. In short, we, ah… have no idea where he is, but going by his angle, I'd say… Admiral Kizaru is no longer anywhere near Enies Lobby."

The barest moment of silence followed, and Yamakaji made the prudent decision to hang up his snail.

The silence stretched on for another couple of seconds. "Well, looks like he took that well after all," the Vice Admiral mused to himself.

SKRONG!

The Marine then jumped in shock when another impact sound rang out. Only this time, it was rounder than the others. And higher—?

Yamakaji swallowed heavily, his smile gone and cold sweat trailing down his forehead as he gnawed on his cigar. "I really hope that you're enjoying yourself wherever the hell you are, Kizaru," he muttered. "Because when you get back, you're gonna wish that you'd stayed."

-o-

The Red Line: an insanely massive wall of stone that circumnavigated the world. Impossibly tall, impossibly wide, and impossibly impassive. Over the timeless years of its existence, this geological marvel and nightmare has seen countless entities smash into its side and meet their doom, splattered over the unmoving stone.

Most of those entities, though, were such things as Sea Kings, ships, and Island Whales. Today may have been the first time a lone person had tested their bodily integrity against the might of the Red Line.

"Note to self…" a pained voice wafted out of a newly formed and relatively large crater in the face of the continent. "First: Outlaw the presence of any mirrors or other reflective surfaces anywhere that I'm assigned. Second… ooooooowwwwwwwwwwwww…"

-o-

"Yow!" I yelped as a salvo of musket fire crackled through where my head had been a half-second prior. A series of explosions followed, from Lassoo if the recoil shaking my left arm was any indication, and I took a moment to process our situation.

Honestly, it wasn't nearly as bad as my near-miss had just indicated. Between Nami's area attacks, Robin littering the battleground with her arms, and Franky bull-rushing every big group that tried to form up with fists and cannon, the Marines attacking us had no cohesion whatsoever. Instead, they were a mob, and not even a particularly huge one, and we could handle that.

Case in point: as I stood up, three Marines were rushing me, two with cutlasses and one with a big iron club. Fortunately, they had strung themselves into a single-file line. I sidestepped the first sword swing, stamped on his foot, and Lassoo took the opportunity to chomp onto his oversized nose. The second one hesitated since his buddy was in the way, but that just gave me time to let Lassoo toss the first Marine away and swing my baton upside his jaw, the impact lifting him an inch off the ground and the shock knocking him out.

That just left the third guy, and before either of us could even move another Marine flew from out of nowhere and knocked him into the water.

"Kill-stealer!" I shouted in Boss's direction.

"Sorry!" the dugong shouted back, his tone and the glare Chopper was sending his way saying otherwise.

Huffing, I turned back towards the line, just in time to see a lightning bolt fry a group of Marines that were held in place by hands sprouting from the ground, and Franky using one unusually large Marine as a club.

"Yeesh," I muttered, shivering.

"The Straw Hats are tearing us apart!" I heard one Marine wail.

"That would imply you were putting up any resistance at all!" Su taunted as Conis pumped another grenade at one of the battleships' crow's nest.

"Would somebody shut that damn puffball up already!?" another soldier shouted.

"OI!" Soundbite barked indignantly. "The only one who gets TO INSULT THE COTTONTAIL IS ME!"

"And she's my puffball in the first place!" Conis picked up.

"WELL, SHUT HER THE HELL UP, HER PISSY VOICE IS GIVING ME A DAMN MIGRAINE!"

"Better idea," Conis snarled venomously. "Su, lower their morale!"

"Can do!" Su saluted before clearing her throat. "Attention, Marine dipshits! To clarify your current situation, the reason you are fighting against a crew that your bosses know you have little to no chance of defeating is that you are what is commonly referred to in the business as fodder! For those of you who find the truth of your lot in life too disturbing to contemplate, I suggest that your next course of action be to curl up and kiss your asses goodbye!"

I promptly came to a halt as I exchanged a look with Soundbite. "Why the hell didn't we think of that?" I questioned incredulously.

"Because we're idiots…" Soundbite lamented with a sigh before casting a glare over his shell. "By the way, ON YOUR SIX."

I promptly jerked my shoulder back, ramming Lassoo's stock into the face of the Marine who'd thought it would be a good idea to try and get the drop on me. "Thanks. And I'm guessing that you're not going to let Su take all the glory lying down?"

"NOT ON YOUR LIFE!" A second after the proclamation, his telltale whine filled the air. "Attention, Marine pisswidgets! Allow me to OFFER SOME MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT FOR this shitshow!"

Following his proclamation, an electronic baseline started thumping against everyone's ears. After a few seconds, Soundbite put an actual voice to the music. Suffice to say that the lyrics were…

"When a fight is just plain wrong/We all sing the Curbstomp Song!"

Telling, to say the absolute least of matters.

I snickered as I watched the collective decorum of nearly all the Marines on the bridge plummet. "Anything for you but mindless good taste, eh?"

"I AIM to please!" Soundbite confirmed with a cackle.

I smirked as I got back to the fighting, but my grin shrunk a bit as I glanced around uncertainly. We'd been going at it for a fair amount of time now, but nothing was really changing. At the moment, what I'd give anything for would be some way of telling when in the timeline we were, but I suppose that was asking for a bit much, wasn't—?

BOOM!

A ripple of shock ran across the bridge, along with a literal tremor as a gigantic fist punched out the wall of the First Pillar.

I blinked in surprise as I watched the fist snap back into the tower and the smoke of an impact appear on a nearby battleship. "Well, that works as well as anything…" I muttered. I then grinned viciously as I watched a blur leap from the pillar towards the battleship and start pummeling the vessel into splinters. "Soundbite, for the love of all that's holy, tell me you have a lock on Onigumo."

"YOU BET YOUR ASS I DO," Soundbite leered sadistically. "And I'm gonna let the world in on things, because matters on his ship are GETTING… INTERESTING."

I grinned maliciously. Then, in a spark of inspiration, I reached into the bag at my side, felt around for the dial that controlled the dead zone, and spun it as far counter-clockwise as it would go. And not a moment too soon:

"—is fighting CP9's Rob Lucci on battleship no. 4, identification BB-26! They're—!" The soldier who was speaking winced as Luffy put his inflated fist through what I could only assume was the ship's powder room, going by the size of the explosion. "They're tearing the ship apart!"

"Hmph…" And going by the sneer that Soundbite was sporting, that particularly pleasant-sounding individual was none other than Vice Admiral Onigumo himself. "If it's Rob Lucci, then chances are he won't die. And strong as Straw Hat might be, he doesn't have Moonwalk." There was a click of a transponder's mic being picked up. "All gunners put vessel number 4 in your sights. Fire in five seconds."

The sheer matter-of-factness in the bastard's voice as he condemned countless soldiers to a pointless demise sent shivers running up my spine, but I got one hell of a thrill out of the fact that the entire bridge froze as the announcement swept over them.

One soldier on Onigumo's ship, however, was rather more animated. "B-But Vice Admiral, sir!" the poor doomed man protested. "Y-You can't be serious! There a-are more than a thousand of our soldiers on that ship, if we—!"

BLAM!

The gunshot and subsequent death gurgle were audible in the near-perfect silence.

"Does anyone else," Onigumo growled. "Have a problem with doing whatever it takes to stop one of the world's most dangerous criminals?"

The silence that followed was thoroughly telling.

"That's what I thought. All cannons fire at will."

KRAK-BOOM!

The detonation of battleship no. 4 was titanic. And observed by countless shell-shocked Marines at that.

"D-Did they just…?" a nearby soldier whispered.

"Yeah, they did…" Soundbite nodded solemnly, his eyes tracing a particular speck as it flew through the air and back to the bridge. "And only two survivors at that. THAT WAS…" He shuddered in revulsion. "NOT FUN TO LISTEN TO. At least they never knew WHAT HIT THEM."

I snorted darkly as I tore my eyes away from the pillar and refocused on the Vice Admiral's ship. "And neither will he." I adopted a sadistic grin as the whine that pierced the air indicated that Soundbite had gotten my meaning. "Hey, Vice Admiral Onigumo! Do you mind if I quote you on that little line you used earlier when you executed that Marine in cold blood?" I then made a show of slapping my forehead. "Oh, wait, now I remember! We're live, so it's a bit late to be asking that, huh? My bad!"

"SMILE, MORON! You're on Candid Snail!" Soundbite announced.

"Jeremiah Cross," Onigumo's voice growled.

"That's my name; I live to see the day that it's worn out!" I mock-saluted. "And while I have you, would you care to share your rationalization for, well, you know, sacrificing an entire battleship and the thousand lives still onboard it?" I prayed that the response I got would serve to bury the bastard.

"Tch… 'rationalization'?" And as the spider scoffed incredulously, it was clear that I would not be disappointed. "Why would I have to rationalize anything, you damn pirate? I had a clear shot at ending the life of a criminal, and I took it. There was nothing wrong with my actions, it was simply common sense. So what if I had to sacrifice a few lives in the pursuit of it? Those men forfeited their lives in the name of Justice when they chose to take up our banner, and they'll serve it as the Navy sees fit. One way or another."

I positively relished in the sight of several dozen Marines staring down at their uniforms in naked horror. Wondering how far I could push the buck, I tilted my head to the side as I took on an innocent expression. "Is that so? Well, I suppose that that makes some measure of sense with your soldiers, they knew they were possibly giving up their own lives." I allowed a demonic grin to spread across my face. "But what about the lives of civilians?"

My heart soared as Soundbite's secondhand scowl deepened…

"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU DAMN SPIDER!"

Before skipping a beat or three when a world-shaking roar erupted from the direction of the thoroughly pummeled Gates of Justice.

I shot a hopeful look at Soundbite once I managed to get my hearing back, but to my disappointment, he shook his head with a grimace. "Damn gag orders…" I cursed under my breath before shaking my head. "Ah, well, it was worth a shot. At least we got something out of that, neh?" I chuckled a bit before turning my attention to the still shell-shocked Marines around me. "And by the way, if anyone here feels like making a run for it, I'm sure that we can come to a—"

"Dot dot dot dot!" Soundbite suddenly sounded out. "Helluva sense OF—dot dot dot dot!—TIMING!"

"But it could be constructive," I shrugged as I pressed the appropriate button. "You're on the SBS, what's—?"

"HURK!" Soundbite's head suddenly rocked forwards as he gagged on something.

"Soundbite! Crap, what's—!?" My concern morphed into terror when my snail started coughing up smoke. "Oh, shit… oh shit shit shit!" I hastily scrabbled for the button to hang up the call—!

And jerked back as the action produced a cloud of smoke and a faint sense of burning from the few nerve endings I had left in my hands.

"Let me be perfectly clear," Soundbite rumbled murderously. "Any soldier who dares to take so much as a step back will be met with a firing squad upon their return to Marineford. And if you think for even a second that I will not find out the names of each and every last traitor to Justice?"

The heat somehow coming off of Soundbite tripled, to the point I could feel it radiating off of him. For the briefest of instants, so brief I'm still not sure I actually saw it, I got the impression of a volcano spewing lava and ash over the poor, defenseless countryside.

"THINK AGAIN."

And then the connection cut off and I was left shivering on the Bridge with a wheezing, still-warm snail on my shoulder.

It took me a second to get my bearings back, but once I did? I didn't even need to turn around to know that every Marine on the bridge was shakily raising their weapons as they prepared to start fighting again.

"For the record…" I huffed regretfully. "I do understand why you're doing this, and I do forgive you for it."

Before any of the Marines could react, I snapped Lassoo up and squeezed off a trio of Cani-Cannonballs at them, the resulting blasts giving me a nice sizeable chunk of breathing room. I took the opportunity to drop Lassoo off my shoulder and jerk my head at the mob. "Buy me some space for a bit, would you, boy?"

The dachshund-cannon drew his hackles back in a savage grin. "With pleasure." And with that, he started belting out a barrage of firepower upon the Marines, keeping them well away from me.

Taking advantage of the small area of relative peace he was affording me, I hummed thoughtfully as I scratched my head and got my thoughts in order. "Alright, ship's blasted, Luffy's back on the pillar, which means…" I muttered too quietly for the SBS to hear before snapping my fingers in realization. "The passage is flooded, good. So the guys should be getting here soon." I frowned in realization as I glanced down at the water churning far below the Bridge. "Save that Kokoro got out on the boat and in calm waters. Right now, we're high up, and the maelstroms are at full force." I gnawed on my thumb as I glanced to the side. "I know that mermaids are good in the water, but can she really—?"

SPLASH!

I blinked in confusion as the sound of water splashing reached me. "Eh? The hell?" I looked downwards in confusion. "What the heck was—?"

A blur of motion and then—

"NAGAGAGAGA! MISS ME, BRAT?"

MY EYES!

"OH, THE HUGE MANATEE!" Soundbite caterwauled as he snapped back into his shell.

"IT BUUURNS!" I howled, falling back on my ass and clawing at my face in agony as I rolled back and forth on the bridge. "SOMEBODY GET ME SOME ACID, I NEED TO REMOVE MY EYES! NOTHING CAN HURT MORE THAN THIS!"

"Wha—? Aw, c'mon kid, you're exaggerating! I know I've let myself go, but—!"

"Cross!" I dimly heard Conis call out and start to run over. "Are you al—AUGH!" She suddenly cut herself off with a terrorized scream. "THE HORROR! THE HORROR! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!"

"IT BURNS WITH THE INTENSITY OF A THOUSAND SUNS! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MERMAIDS BEING BEAUTIFUL!?" Su wailed fearfully.

"YOU TRY PUSHING SIXTY AND HOLDING ONTO A SUPERMODEL BODY, WHY DON'T YOU!?" Kokoro snapped in an annoyed tone before shaking her head with an annoyed huff. "But fine, fine, I get the point, I'm putting my damn shirt back on! Tsk, damn kids, way to make a woman feel insecure! Be a bit more appreciative, why don'tcha! I saved your friends' lives, you know!"

"We'd rather have drowned…" a trio of pained voices gurgled.

"But it's not too late for the rest of us," moaned… well, pretty much every Marine in earshot, many of which were looking longingly at the edges of the bridge.

"How could the very incarnation of a man's romance have such a cruel reality?" one particular soldier lamented.

"OI, DON'T YOU DARE BESMIRCH MAN'S ROMANCES WITH YOUR LUST-ADDLED PERVERSIONS!" Boss snapped indignantly… though a second later he hissed uncomfortably. "Ah… though in this case, you bastards may have a point, yes."

At that moment, I heard something that I hadn't expected ever to hear:

"THAT DOES IT! MERMAID KICK!"

Kokoro shouting angrily. Apparently, there was only so much that she could take.

After a few deep breaths, I felt confident enough to open my eyes again, and I let out a sigh of relief when I saw the now-clothed Kokoro… though I then proceeded to gain a sweatdrop as I watched her punt around a dozen or two Marines with her yet-uncovered fin-feet. "OK… not something you see every day. Anyways, where was—?"

"CROSS!"

I abruptly found myself cowed beneath the wrath—and hovering sole—of an insanely furious chef.

"Why. Didn't. You. Warn us?!" he snarled.

I stuttered for a moment as I tried to think of a response that wouldn't get me pasted into hamburger meat, and then I remembered something and gathered myself enough to reply evenly. "Instead of answering that question, may I suggest that you turn your anger towards the Marines? Who, might I add, actually put a sizable scar on Vivi?"

As expected, that succeeded in redirecting his anger. He froze briefly, glanced at Vivi, who was remaining beside Carue and fending off anyone who attempted to come near, while simultaneously grimacing every time she strained her abdomen, before slooowly turning his gaze to the nearby Marines.

I was then forced to scramble back a few feet when he suddenly burst into flames. "They did WHAT?" an infernal voice rumbled.

I chuckled venomously as I waved goodbye at the pants-wettingly terrified soldiers nearby, before flinching back in terror myself when a flaming finger jabbed itself in my face.

"This isn't over, crap-mouth," Sanji warned me, his hellfire burning radiant in his eye as he shot off and started tenderizing the opposition.

I swallowed heavily as I watched him go at it, wiping away a goodly amount of cold sweat that had broken out on my brow. "Sweet shit, that was close, I seriously thought that I was going to die…"

"You still might."

I froze up as a particularly bloodthirsty blade laid itself across my shoulder, and the sound of an elastic stretching sounded out right behind my skull.

"Now, guys—!" I started hastily.

"Save it, Cross," Zoro scoffed as he withdrew Kitetsu III. "We're smart enough to know that we've got more important things to worry about."

"This is just a friendly warning is all." The sound of rubber reversed. "Once we're out of here, though? Watch your back."

Since when the hell could Usopp manage to sound that badass and terrifying!?

"For now, though…"

A pair of projectiles flew past me and slammed into a few more unlucky Marines.

"We'll focus our attention elsewhere."

I held my breath as the pair walked past me and joined the fray, eventually releasing it in a massive gasp as I collapsed on my back. "I'm a dead man once we get out of here, aren't I?" I whimpered fearfully.

"ONLY IF YOU get out of here alive," Soundbite pointed out. "By the by, 3-o-clock."

I didn't even miss a beat in flexing my palm and shoving my right arm at the same time. "Impact." The resulting blast did the dual trick of propelling me to my feet and destroying the Marine's footing, giving me just enough time to jam my baton into his gut and take him down for the count.

"Wooow…" Chimney breathed in awe as she poked the stunned soldier's cheek before shooting me a sunny smile. "You look and act like you're all weak and stuff, but you're actually pretty scary, huh, mister?"

"Nagagaga!" Kokoro chuckled heartily. "That's a pirate's life for you, Chimney!"

"That's a pirate's life FOR HIM!" Soundbite concurred.

"'Tis a pirate's life for me!" I concluded with my arms spread wide. "Now, if you'll excuse me!" And with that, I turned around and charged back into the fray, scooping up Lassoo back onto my shoulder in the process.

If the Marines had been disorganized before, now they were in utter disarray. It was a credit to them that they hadn't collapsed into an outright rout. Usopp was even more effective at close range, hitting pinpoint targets with a speed he hadn't been able to show off from the tower. Zoro was… well, Zoro. Opposition in front of him just melted. And Sanji?

"Apéritif!"

A blast of razor-sharp, flaming air sliced through a half dozen Marines… and then through a deck-mounted mortar on one of the battleships… and then into the mast behind it, lighting it on fire and drawing out a swarm of panicked men with buckets.

Well, I suspect he was working out some… admittedly not entirely misplaced frustrations.

The point is, there simply weren't any leakers, so I had to do something I'd been trying to avoid up until then: I had to dive into the thick of the fighting. And luckily, a Marine turned around just in time to catch a boot to his face courtesy of a jump I definitely wouldn't have managed to make before joining the Straw Hats.

The mook went down like a sack of potatoes, KO with a bootprint in place of his face, while his two comrades turned to me with brandished swords.

I responded with a brandished dachshund. "Cani-Cannon!"

A hip-fired baseball took care of them. A whisper from Soundbite, and I sidestepped a desperate lunge from another Marine, my baton meeting the back of his skull as he pitched forward. That done, I turned around to look for anyone else trying to get a piece of me or for me to get a piece of.

Instead, I blinked in surprise when a Marine… no, all the Marines ran by me. The Marines were… apparently in retreat. An organized retreat, not a full-out run-like-hell falling back, but they were retreating.

"Uh… what the hell?" Nami wondered aloud. "That death threat was pretty clear, why are they all running away?"

"Maybe because they finally got a clue and realized that they can't win against us anyway?" Franky laughed confidently as he slammed his knuckles together.

"Considering the size of the gun at their collective heads, I sincerely doubt that," Robin countered.

I briefly considered the matter. Then all too soon the beri dropped, and I ground the heel of my palm into my forehead. "Robin's right, guys…" I groaned wearily. "This isn't the end of the fight."

"Attention all hands!" an amplified voice blared out over the battlefield, originating from the battleships. "As of this moment, all Junior Officers and enlisted hands are to return to their posts! As of this moment, all further combat operations—"

I slowly looked up and cast an evil eye at the lines of Marines who had taken their positions upon the battleships' railings and were glaring down at us. "It's only the end of the first wave."

"Will be carried out by officers of Lieutenant and Captain rank!" the voice of God continued. "With the strength of our 300 elite, we will crush these criminals without delay!"

I choked slightly at the number. "I expected that there'd be some more than usual, but that's just unfortunate."

"We shall fight them in the shade, HUH?" Soundbite chuckled dryly

"That didn't work out well for either side," I hissed back.

"Captains…" Conis breathed in soft horror.

"Damn, I was wondering when they'd call these guys out," Vivi grit out as she cast her gaze around.

"Uh… I'm really hoping that I'm wrong, but wasn't Smoker a Captain?" Usopp whimpered fearfully.

"Don't worry, Smoker's not representative of the Captain rank," I cut in. "Between his Logia fruit and sea prism stone jutte, he was probably under-ranked when we met him. There's a reason everyone bought him beating Crocodile. But on a related note, I haven't ever heard of Marine with a Devil Fruit who's been below Captain Rank, so these guys are either using abilities or capable of holding their own against people who do, so no matter what, watch your backs."

"Psh," Zoro shrugged as he rolled his shoulders. "What are you all getting so worked up about? All this proves is that they're too scared of us to try anything else."

"Your mouth is talking shit, mosshead," Sanji chuckled grimly as he blew out a smoke cloud. "But that ratty bandanna you're putting on is saying something entirely different."

Zoro snorted dismissively as he glanced back at the cook. "And what, you're just chewing on the filter for the hell of it?"

"Hey, listen, you—!"

"As well, I have a status report from ships no. 3, 8, and 9 at the island's main gate. The traitors Oimo and Kashi, as well as the Straw Hat Pirates' allies, have been eliminated."

My crewmates tensed around us, but a hasty cough of 'Bullshit!' into my fist served to calm them down.

"The battleships will return to the Bridge to aid in the final elimination of the Straw Hat Pirates! For now, all Marines present, assault the Straw Hat Pirates! Forward!"

"You… you dare claim that you defeated my boys that easily?!" Boss snarled as the Marines leaped onto the bridge and started charging at us, his Thermal Dart spinning so fast it blurred into a red-hot circle. "I'LL MELT YOU ALL INTO TAR FOR SUCH AN EGREGIOUS INSULT!"

I gritted my teeth slightly as I watched the officers approach before casting a glance at Soundbite. "You about ready to blow your best now?" I growled as I took a knee for the second time that day.

Soundbite grinned viciously as he furrowed his eyestalks. "All the better to BLOW THEM AWAY. NOW THEN, IF YOU DON'T MIND…" The ambient sound on the bridge suddenly died off. "A LITTLE QUIET, IF YOU PLEASE." He then closed his eyes. "In the land of silence…"

I blasted out a Cani-Cannonball at the approaching Marines. The projectile detonated about a meter in front of the crowd—

"Gastro-Cani Combo: BASS CANNON!"

And a nice little swathe of the opposition and a goodly chunk of the bridge were both sent flying from whence they came.

I chuckled venomously as I stood back up. "I'd say that that's about twenty, twenty-five down."

"And an assload left TO DEAL WITH…" Soundbite groaned as his eyes spun in his skull. "AND FOR THE RECORD, SEEING AS I THINK I BLACKED OUT FOR a second there, I'm not pulling that party trick again ANYTIME SOON."

"That's fine by me!" Boss scoffed as he cracked his neck in anticipation. "Just means that there's more for us!"

"Speak for yourself…" Usopp groaned.

"Like it or not, it doesn't matter worth shit." I squared my shoulders and snapped my baton out, jamming its button as hard as I could. "Here they come!"

And then, just like that, the Marines' fighting brass was upon us.

I don't remember much of the next… ten minutes? I think? I dunno, the point is, I was too busy trying not to die to keep track of things. It was all a blur, occasionally interspersed with sharp objects trying to lodge itself in my vital organs, fists trying to punch holes in me, and myself retaliating by breaking… basically everything within grabbing range.

Alubarna had nothing on the sheer and utter moshpit that the Bridge of Hesitation had become, because in the end? While Alubarna was damn bad, at least there I was something to be ignored in favor of more important things, namely killing each other. Here? Taking me and my friends' heads off was that 'more important thing.'

And as if the definite spike in quality and the relative spike in quantity of enemies weren't bad enough—!

"Cross, duck!"

"Woahshit!" I cursed, snapping my head below one of Vivi's Lion Cutters as she slashed a Marine I hadn't caught sight of out of midair.

"Than—ON YOUR LEFT!" I cut my thanks off in favor of showing my gratitude by sending a base-cannon-ball down the throat of the Captain who'd been aiming to put a bullet in her skull.

Vivi gave me a grateful thumbs-up, but that was all she was able to do before she had to catch a blade with her chains before it could gouge a new hole in her skull.

—and sweet shit, was it beyond bad enough, but on top of it all, we also had to deal with an absolute sideshow's worth of Devil Fruit users.

I swear, throughout that fight, I saw the human body do countless things that I neither thought it could nor wanted to know that it could do. The abilities that were displayed in the fight ran the gamut, from stretching (liberally à la Mister Fantastic, as opposed to Luffy's rubber-style abilities) to secreting copious amounts of acid to throwing cannon-ball sized chunks of rock as fast as baseballs (and that was a power and not pure muscle like Garp, because the guy pulling it was a fricking beanpole) to—

"STRONG RIGHT!"

"GAH!"

—to transforming into… berries apparently, hel-lo there.

"Well, this bastard's sure a weird one!" Franky chuckled sadistically as he held a visibly freaked-out head in his hand.

"Oh, wait, I've heard about him!" I snickered tauntingly. "You're supposed to be a very good example of the Marines, right?"

The head stopped freaking out in favor of shooting me a look drier than Alabasta. "Spare me, Jeremiah Cross. I have heard every joke in the book, not even you could say one I haven't endured before."

My grin slowly widened by several teeth. "Yeah? Well, I doubt you've ever had this happen to you before. Franky, if you'd be so kind as to wind up the pitch?"

The cyborg promptly cackled as he caught on to my intentions. "Oh, it would be my damn honor!"

"Huh? What the hell are you—?" Very Good paled before struggling furiously when he saw me draw my foot back. "Nonononono—!"

"Franky the Cyborg pitches to the Straw Hat Pirate's pinch-kicker!" Franky roared as he bowled Very Good at me.

I waited until he was right where I wanted him and then—!

"PUNT!" I roared, swinging my foot forward—

THWACK!

"GAGH!"

—and right into the Berry-man's chin, sending his head flying up and away.

"HEEEEE'S OUTTA HERE!" Soundbite crowed ecstatically.

"Yes!" I pumped my fist with a victorious whoop. "It's a Grand Slam! The Straw Hats do it again! The crowd goes wild—!"

"CROSS, ON YOUR LEFT!"

"HOGEEZE!" I cursed, only just managing to catch a crab claw with my baton before it could snip my face off. "Make that they go wild-er. And as for you—eh?" I paused and blinked in confusion as I looked the guy over in confusion, specifically focusing on his forehead. "The hell? A crab claw and—? What are you, some kind of a goat-man with one of the Crab-Crab fruits or a crab-man with one of the Goat-Goat fruits!?"

"Why don't you go to hell and find out!" the Marine snarled as he raised his other claw-shaped arm.

I promptly sobered up and hit the Marine with a dry look. "Why don't you go first?" I then activated the baton's lightning function, allowing me to deep-fry the bastard and slam my forehead into his, dropping him for the count.

I chuckled to myself as I straightened back up and started spinning my baton in my fingers. "Guess he forgot about the Taser! Sucks to be him!"

"Guess you forgot about the current situation you're in."

I blinked in confusion. "Wha—?"

Then there was a familiar swish of air, and I found myself holding onto only half a baton, which was itself starting to crackle ominously.

The Marine who'd cut my baton in half smirked as he leveled his sword at my face. "Sucks to be you, huh?"

I stared numbly at the bisected rod of metal before slowly looking up at the Marine. "That… was a gift," I stated slowly.

"It is truly incredible how little I give a damn," the Captain drawled. "Now, put your hands above your head and—!"

"I don't," I interrupted him with a dry chuckle. "Think you quite understand what I'm saying to you. Allow me to re-emphasize."

I promptly whipped my other hand up and blasted my Flash Dial in his face, with Soundbite amping it into a straight-up Gastro-Flash.

"GAH!" the Marine howled, clawing at his eyes and ears.

"That was," I snarled, stepping up and grabbing the Marine's collar. "A gift!" I then stuffed the baton's remains, which were starting to reek of ozone, down the man's shirt. "YOU BASTARD!" I capped it all off with a roar as I kicked the selfsame bastard in the gut and knocked him into his comrades.

It was thoroughly cathartic to see him fry everyone who he came in contact with as a result of the undoubtedly fractured Thunder Dial he was carrying discharging for a final time.

Unfortunately, I couldn't take the time to linger on the sight because for all that it felt nice to get some vengeance for my fucking baton!, the events also meant that I was without a melee weapon. An advantage the Marines were eager to capitalize on when some jackass with a blade too long for me to catch with my gauntlets or Lassoo started taking wild swings at me.

I only just managed to throw myself to the side and dodge the slash-happy bastard, and he would have chopped my head in two if I didn't grab up the nearest of many stray swords and happen to lock blades with him.

"Shitshitshit!" I bit out as I locked hilts with the bastard and held him off.

As if matters weren't bad enough, I just so happened to catch a telltale flash of green out of the corner of my eye, spiking my blood pressure a few more degrees out of sheer terror. "Sorry about this—GRAGH!" I grunted forcefully as I shoved back against the bastard and took a swipe of my own. "Mockery of swordsmanship I'm pulling, Zoro, but currently my options are kind of limited!" The last line was bit out as I swung Lassoo's bulk down like a club.

Zoro responded with a dry scoff. "Trust me, Cross."

SLASH! "GAH!"

I felt a surge of relief as our crew's swordsman did me the courtesy of finishing my opponent off before my blood froze as I caught sight of what he'd finished him off with.

"I have no room to complain at the moment," Zoro muttered acridly as he hefted the forcibly appropriated standard-issue Marine cutlass he was wielding.

I glanced down at the black sheath hanging at his side in concern. "Yubashiri, is it—?"

Zoro followed my gaze to the hilt before shaking his head. "Bloodied, badly, but ultimately unbowed," he growled around Wado. "The bastard snuck a touch in before I noticed and took a good chunk of the blade with him in the process." He grit his teeth as no small amount of what was presumably rage drew a shudder from him. "It's whole, but I won't know how bad it really is until I've had a blacksmith look at it."

I nodded in relief at the news, before tensing uncomfortably as a thought occurred to me and I glanced around. "Everyone! Status updates, now! How are you holding up?"

"Could be better!" Nami reported from the shroud of iron cloud she'd erected, Usopp and Conis periodically poking out their weapons out to take potshots at clusters of Marines. "I'm doing fine, but Usopp and Conis are running out of ammo!"

"I'm not doing so hot, either!" Franky reported, punching a Marine right in the face, and right as he pulled it back, his hair deflated, flopping in front of his face. "Dammit! I never should've given you that cola earlier! Weapons Left!"

The loud clicking sound that sounded out did not inspire any confidence.

"Ah, hell."

"I'm starting to run out of my Cherry Blossom explosives!" Chopper provided next. "I-I can probably make more, but—!" He suddenly stumbled out of the blue and only managed to keep his head on account of a quick swap from Heavy to Brain points. "But, ah… uh, I know this is a bad time, but I might have overestimated the duration of my stimulant."

"No—ergh!—kidding!" Vivi groaned, visibly fighting to stay standing. Sanji was there to pick up her slack in seconds, but the fact that he was fighting with a black leg rather than a blazing one wasn't encouraging in the least.

"I know I might consistently put on airs of strength," Robin huffed as she kept her eyes clenched shut and arms crossed, systematically snapping limbs and joints across the bridge. "But the human skeleton is astoundingly resilient." She flinched as blood started to trickle down from her palms. "Even I have my limits…"

"You all are total wusses!" Boss laughed uproariously as he bodily flung a Marine into his comrades. "I mean, come on! Where's your fighting spirit, eh? After all, to face impossible odds, standing defiantly to the end and eventually emerging victorious…" He drew his fists back as he adopted an intense stance. "Is that not one of the purest and most sublime definitions… OF A MAN'S ROMANCE!? SIX OCEANS PISTOL!"

The dugong pounded his fists forwards, blasting a nice, sizeable opening in the enemy's lines before keeling forward and panting heavily as he rested his fists on the bridge. "On, ah… on second thought…" Boss huffed wearily. "I might, hoo… be starting to see, ha… where you're all coming from, geeze…"

"Even Boss admits it? We must be in trouble," Lassoo huffed heavily. "Ah… and by the way? I know that this might be a bad time, but I'm starting to reach the 'fumes' stage myself. We getting out of here any time soon or what?!"

I glanced nervously up at the gun before gritting my teeth and brandishing my weapons prominently. "We just need to hold out until Luffy manages to beat Lucci! Once that fight finishes—!"

"Cross…"

Even in the midst of the madness, Soundbite's tone brought me up short, and one glance at his dumbstruck expression was all I needed for my guts to fill with ice.

Soundbite slowly turned his eyes to me, his gaze full of numb disbelief. "…I think it just did," he breathed in horror.

It took a moment for the implications to sink in for me, but once they did, I ran like a bat straight out of hell, charging down the length of the Bridge towards the flame-engulfed horizon. I took more than a few hits in the process, a graze from a gunshot here, a nick from a sword there, but it didn't matter to me. Nothing mattered to me other than getting to where the Marines had blasted the bridge to the First Pillar early on, to getting within sight of the secondary battlefield, to catching sight of my—!

I skidded to a halt a foot from the shattered cut-off of the Bridge, my momentum sending a cascade of pebbles and stray debris careening over the edge and into the froth below. But I didn't pay it any mind, in favor of witnessing the horrifying sight before me.

"…Captain…" I breathed weakly.

It was… almost like a scene straight out of hell. Luffy, just lying there in a pool of his own blood and only barely twitching, Lucci standing above him and huffing heavily as he caught his breath.

My mind briefly stalled as I observed the scene, but I quickly managed to kickstart my brain back into work. And once I did… once I did, I didn't consider the enemies behind me who my crewmates were cutting down. I didn't contemplate how this was different from canon. I didn't think about how Usopp should have been the one standing here and not me, and I didn't think about how he was supposed to make a triumphant return and give Luffy the strength to go on either.

I didn't think about any of that. Rather, the only thing that I thought…

"LUUUFFYYY!" I screamed desperately, my voice cutting through the cacophony and echoing through the void.

…was that my captain was down, and that more than anything in the world, he needed to get back up right the hell now!

Far below, Luffy shifted slightly in his prone position, moving his head just enough to glance up at me. "Cross…" Luffy's voice wheezed in my ear.

I choked at the sheer amount of weakness I heard in his voice, a weakness I had never thought I'd hear from him of all people, but I sucked it up and pressed on.

"Luffy…" I gasped before raising my voice again. "DAMN IT, LUFFY, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING JUST LYING THERE!? YOU NEED TO GET UP, DAMN IT!"

I wouldn't know until Soundbite told me much later that many combatants had directed their attention towards me at that moment, and my crew began fighting them with vigor drawn from who-knows-where to keep them away from me as I kept talking.

"I KNOW…" I choked on the words as tears streamed down my face. "I KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE HURTING LIKE HELL, LUFFY! IT'S SO OBVIOUS, AND I KNOW THAT YOU'VE FOUGHT AS HARD AS YOU CAN." I bowed my head and shook it miserably. "BUT… BUT DAMN IT, LUFFY, THIS ISN'T THE END!"

I flung my arms out wide. "LOOK AROUND YOU, LUFFY! LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE! WE'RE STILL IN PARADISE, LUFFY! WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE HALFWAY MARK, WE'RE BARELY EVEN A QUARTER OF THE WAY THERE! THIS PLACE… THIS HELL OF WRATH AND TEARS, IT'S NOT WHERE IT ENDS! IT'S NOT WHERE WE END!

"WE STILL NEED TO ENJOY SO MANY ADVENTURES, WE STILL NEED TO GO SO FAR, AND YOU…" I craned my head back and choked back a sob. "YOU NEED TO LEAD US THERE! BECAUSE WITHOUT YOU… WITHOUT YOU, NONE OF THIS MEANS ANYTHING!"

I snapped my head back down and glared bloody murder at Rob Lucci. "AND AS FOR HIM, THAT LEOPARD-BASTARD…" I snarled murderously. "SO HE'S MANAGED TO TAKE YOUR BEST ATTACKS SO FAR AND KEEP GOING, SO THE HELL WHAT!? AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE STRONGER THAN HIM! YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE THIS KIND OF DAMAGE AND KEEP GOING! YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGHT ON, NO MATTER WHAT GETS IN YOUR WAY! YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH TO BEAT HIM, DAMN IT!"

There was a single second of silence that seemed to stretch for a lifetime. Then it was broken by the last sound I expected at that moment.

"Dot dot dot dot!"

In hindsight, I really should have seen it coming, but either way, it didn't make it any less the most downright awesome thing I had experienced up to that point. Admittedly, it was a bit of a reckless move, but I didn't even hesitate to snap my hand down and ram the appropriate button to patch them through.

"Straw Hat!" hollered a voice that I didn't recognize. "You might not know me, but I've placed all my hopes on you! An all or nothing bet a mile wide and with odds straight from hell, but I placed it knowing that you would succeed! You've come this far, don't fall at the eleventh hour!"

Not even a moment after the caller hung up, Soundbite started to ring again, and I answered again.

"Come on, Straw Hat! You've fought this far, and you're calling it quits now!? That's total BS! Kick that cat's ass!"

"Give 'em nothin' short of hell, Luffy! Pirate pride, ever and always!"

In-between calls, Soundbite shot an ecstatic grin at me. "You're gonna have to hold that button down, CAUSE OTHERWISE YOU'LL BREAK YOUR FINGER!"

"You got it!" I nodded eagerly as I rammed the button down and threw the floodgates wide.

-o-

"Come the hell on, Straw Hat!" Bonney roared as she pounded on the table. "You need to walk out of there in one piece! We still need to see which of us is the bigger glutton! I need my pride as a woman and an eater, damn it!"

"I'm with her, Straw Hat Luffy," Law nodded firmly, the way he was drumming his fingers on his sword's sheath betraying his emotionless demeanor. "You've been interesting thus far, and the insanity you've pulled could be useful in the future. Get the hell out of there and get out alive."

-o-

"Are you fucking kidding me!? You come this fucking far, and then you topple here!?" Kid demanded acridly as he strained against the chain-like bandages that were all but holding his body together.

"Damn it, captain, will you stay still already!?" Killer protested as he tried to hold his superior in place. "That cyborg bastard nearly ripped you in half!"

"To hell with you and to hell with me, I'm more concerned with the rubbery moron who's giving us all a shit-name!" Kid spat before continuing to curse at the snail in the room. "Yeah, that's right, I've got a bone to pick with you, rubber-brain! You've been the gold fucking standard for every pirate of this generation since you beat Crocodile, and now you come this close to losing to a fucking cat?! If you die and make us look bad, I'LL CLIMB DOWN THERE AND TURN YOU INSIDE OUT WITH MY OWN TWO—GRK!"

"DAMN IT, KID!"

-o-

"My predictions have never failed me yet, Straw Hat, and they state quite clearly that you will not die today," Basil Hawkins enunciated coldly as he systematically shuffled around the full deck of cards he had splayed out before him. "I will not be pleased if you are responsible for tarnishing my reputation. Get up. Fight. Win."

The dinosaur Zoan that the mage had formed a brief alliance with stood impassively to the side as he plied his arcane trade. Drake said nothing, but the fire in his eyes, the twitching of his fingers, and the grimace on his face as he stared at the snail said all that needed to be said.

-o-

"Are you certain that this is the right way, brother? Should not more energy be invested in these actions?"

"Let others roar and cajole freely, brother. For now, we shall take another path." Urouge kept his palms pressed together as he bowed his head. "And offer our support in solemn silence. A mad monk I might be and fallen monks we may be called, but I have not forgotten my teachings. While the rest of the world offers support in an earthly manner, we shall seek it from the heavens."

"As you say, brother."

-o-

"ONE AND TWO, ONE AND TWO, APAPAPA!" Apoo roared as he pounded his fists on his chest.

"ONE AND TWO, ONE AND TWO!" the rest of the On-Air pirates shouted back as they beat their instruments in synch with their captain.

"LOUDER, DAMN IT!" Apoo howled at the sky. "LET THEM HEAR US! MAKE THEM HEAR US ALL THE WAY IN MARIEJOIS!"

[DO IT, STRAW HAT!] Captain Dugong shouted, slamming his fists together. [I'M SPEAKING TO YOU CAPTAIN-TO-CAPTAIN, FIGHTER-TO-FIGHTER, MAN-TO-MAN! IF YOU CAN BEAT ME, YOU CAN BEAT DAMN NEAR ANYONE! DON'T YOU DARE DISGRACE ME NOW! FIIIIGHT!]

[FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!] the rest of the Great Kung-Fu Fleet chorused.

-o-

"You provided me with an inestimable opportunity, Captain Straw Hat Luffy," Capone 'Gang' Bege drawled as he looked over a golden ingot he was holding, taken from one of the countless stacks of similar ingots that surrounded him. "And now, I owe you a debt of gratitude that I will require many years to repay."

The gangster pirate exhaled a heavy cloud of smoke as he replaced the ingot he was holding and cast an eye to the snail in the room. "I do not forget my debts, Straw Hat. As such, I am ordering you to live, so that I can settle my tabs once and for all. It's that simple."

-o-

"KICK HIS ASS, LUFFY!" Captain 'Black Bart' Bartolomeo and Warlord Boa 'Pirate Empress' Hancock cheered in unison.

Or at least, they tried to cheer, anyways, their words slurred by a degree of inebriation that was made clear by the luminescent blushes they were both sporting.

And they were far from the only ones, either, seeing as the crews of both the Cannibal and the Perfume Yuda had congregated to throw one of the most roaring parties in the history of the Calm Belt.

Granted, things had been a bit awkward at first in spite of (or more likely because of) their captains' shared enthusiasm, but the tension had died a swift death once the booze got brought out and started flowing.

While most of the two crews were celebrating with extreme eagerness, some of the crewmates were a little restrained in their reactions.

Mr. 5, being one such example of reticence, watched the two captains drunkenly swaying together as they supported each other. "Never thought I'd see the day where I'd get to see a Warlord get sauced up close and personal."

"Considering how I can't recall ever seeing my sister so much as look at a drop of alcohol in my entire life?" Marigold deadpanned. "That goes double for me."

"I see…" Gin drawled as he cast his gaze about before nodding his head to the side. "While on the other hand, seeing as she's only drunk a few mugs, your other sister is a lightweight?"

Marigold cast a flat look at Sandersonia as she watched her sway about in her hybrid form, undulating her elongated torso to cause the drawn-on face there—her own doing, most likely—to dance. "No, she can handle alcohol just fine. It's the atmosphere that goes straight to her head. And seeing as Hancock never attends any parties whatsoever, I'm left as the designated drinker who keeps everyone in line."

However, her melancholy mood slowly shifted to a smile as she watched the party, from her sisters liberally enjoying themselves to Marguerite chatting animatedly with Apis to Valentine greedily drowning what little sanity she had left. "Admittedly, this is quite fun. It's nice to let loose and relax every once in a while. Dare I say… refreshing?" She punctuated the last word with a shake of her mug.

"Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint," Gin grunted before waving his arm. "Hey, Jack! Another barrel over here!"

-o-

"COME ON, STRAW HAT! YOU SHOWED THAT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THIS WHEN YOU BEAT ME! SMASH HIS FACE IN, POUND HIM TO PIECES!"

"Pupupupu, he's so loud, but the snail isn't even connected," Hamburg chuckled.

"I KNOW THAT THE SNAIL ISN'T CONNECTED, HAMBURG!" Foxy snapped. "CALLING IN COULD BLOW OUR COVER, SO I HAVE TO SHOUT THAT MUCH LOUDER!"

"Boss, with how many people are calling in right now, who do you think would be able pick out and recognize your voice from among them?" Porche questioned.

Foxy turned to leer at her. "Considering that that Back Fight was on the SBS? Anyone who's paying enough attention, and I'd bet the ship that if everybody else in the World Government isn't, the Five Elder Stars are," he growled.

"…point," Porche conceded and then began waving her baton. "ALRIGHT, EVERYONE, WHEN I SAY GO, YOU SAY LUFFY! GO!"

"STRAW HAT!"

"CLOSE ENOUGH!"

-o-

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOIN', LUFFY!?" Dadan roared indignantly. "COME ON, WHO THE HELL CARES IF THAT BASTARD'S A ZOAN, HUH!? YOU ATE BIG CATS FOR BREAKFAST FOUR DAYS OF THE WEEK, AND THAT WAS ONLY IF THE DAMN CROCODILES WEREN'T BITING! SHOW THAT PUSSYCAT WHAT'S WHAT! I RAISED YOU BOYS BETTER THAN THAT, DAMN IT!"

"Did she even raise them at all?" Mogra muttered under his breath.

"I think she's just trying to capitalize," Dogra muttered back. "After all, what's the point of turning the hideout into a dive bar if we're not even associated with the guy it's all—!" THWACK! "YEOW!"

"IF YOU GOT TIME TO GAB, YOU GOT TIME TO WORK, SO GET BACK TO WORK!"

"YES, MA'AM!"

Meanwhile, in a corner of the renovated hideout, a certain old man sighed wearily as he grabbed the nearest bottle. "Oh, forget it. I give up," he groaned.

"That's the spirit, Mayor!" Makino grinned cheerily as she clapped his shoulder.

-o-

"YOU CAN'T GIVE UP NOW, LUFFY!"

"Aisa, you get down from there right—!" THWACK! "—OW!" Laki yelped, clutching the spot where a pebble had slammed into her head.

"GO BLOW IT OUT YOUR RIFLE, LAKI!" Aisa howled from atop the totem pole she was balancing on, a Transponder Snail clutched in one hand and a loaded sling spinning in the other. "I'M GONNA SUPPORT MY CREWMATES NO MATTER WHAT AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!"

"YOU'RE NOT A PIRATE, AISA!" Laki protested vigorously.

"Aw, c'mon, Laki, why not leave the kid be?"

The sniper shot an acrid glare at her fellow tribemate, who was leaning against a nearby tree. "You're just taking her side because she's putting up a fight for once!"

Wiper responded with a raised eyebrow. "And the problem with that is…?"

Laki snorted darkly before refocusing on her pseudo-younger sibling. "Aisa, if you don't get down from there right now, then you're grounded!"

"SEE IF I CARE!" Aisa snapped back before focusing on the snail she was carrying. "AND CAPTAIN, YOU HAVE TO WIN! I—!"

Laki paused in her attempt to climb the pole as Aisa suddenly choked up, tears stinging in her eyes. "I HAVEN'T EVEN JOINED YET! I-IT'S NOT FAIR! SO, PLEASE! YOU WON AGAINST GOD, SO WIN NOW! YOU… YOU HAVE TO…"

Aisa threw her head back and screamed to the clear heavens above.

"YOU HAVE TO LIVE!"

-o-

I choked as I processed what I was listening to. So much support, so many calling in from so far. All for us, all for him

"Can you…" I started weakly before gasping in a breath and raising my voice. "CAN YOU HEAR THEM, LUFFY!? THIS… THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE TO KEEP FIGHTING! BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT, THE TRUTH IS PLAIN AND CLEAR! THE WORLD…" I smiled at the sky as I wiped the tears from my eyes. "THE WORLD'S CHEERING YOUR NAME! THE WORLD ITSELF IS BEGGING YOU TO WIN! SO THAT'S WHY… THAT'S WHY… THAT'S WHY NO MATTER WHAT, NO MATTER WHAT… YOU CAN'T…"

I sucked in as deep a breath as I could… and then I roared.

"THAT'S WHY NO MATTER WHAT, YOU CAN'T LOSE, LUFFY! YOU CAN'T LOSE!"

-o-

Rob Lucci growled as he heard Jeremiah Cross's words ring out, and so many others joining the chorus. But it didn't matter; Straw Hat's will had been impressive, but he, Lucci, had used his trump card. No amount of cheering would be able to—

"Gear… Second."

His eagerness was gone now; as the leopard Zoan turned back to face the only opponent in his life that he would ever willingly deem an equal, he felt only rage and incredulity. But above those? A foreign emotion had crept into his mind, an emotion whose visits he could count on one hand: fear.

And as soon as that fear flared, it transformed into renewed rage. "You… can still move?" he snarled vehemently.

"I won't give up…" Luffy bit out, through all his pain and all his blood. "Until you go down."

Lucci's scowl twitched minutely, for more reasons than just rage. "Life Return: Release," he huffed, allowing his compressed muscles to expand out to their fullest and relieving some measure of his pain, however incremental. "I'm going to crush you, each and every one of you, in one second!"

With that, the Zoan flashed forward at the pirate and unleashed a barrage of practically simultaneous finger pistols. "Spots—GRGH!" he snarled audibly as rubber knuckles perfectly countered every one of his own shots.

Without a word, Lucci flashed back a foot, giving himself a moment's pause before reappearing in Luffy's face, fists outstretched and at the ready. The flash of fear in the pirate's eyes was supremely satisfying.

"I WON'T FALL FOR THAT AGAI—!"

Lucci's tail lashed out, snaring Straw Hat by his waist for the moment he needed to channel the bulk of, if not all the energy he had left into one final attack.

"Ultimate Radius," Lucci snarled. "SIX KING GUN!"

The shockwave that erupted from his fists slammed clean through the rubber man's body and devastated the wall on the other side.

The pirate's eyes rolled up in his head as he coughed up what must have been a quart of blood, and his body went limp.

Lucci, on the other hand, was left in a state of exhaustion that he hadn't felt since… since… he hadn't ever truly felt this exhausted, ever. Still, it didn't matter. What mattered was that he'd won. It had been the fight of his life and he'd won. And now… now he needed to pick up the pieces of his life.

As such, the Zoan let his tail uncurl, turned his back on Luffy, and began walking towards the rest of the bridge, mustering up the remaining strength he'd need to kill the crew that had so foolishly branded themselves as enemies of Justice.

-o-

"LUUUFF—ERGH!"

Soundbite made to join Cross in screaming their captain's name as he staggered drunkenly, but he suddenly cut himself off as his tongue stuck in his throat.

Thanks to his newly awakened abilities, no one ever noticed more than a slight hiccup in the broadcasting of the voices of the world.

Thanks to everyone looking everywhere but at him, no one noticed his gaze coming slightly unfocused.

And thanks to the sheer cacophony that was shaking the world at that moment, no one heard the hiss of static that filled the air.

-o-

As Luffy swayed back and forth on his feet, all he could think of was pain. It hurt… so much. Not just one part of him. Not just his chest, not just his arms, but everything. Standing hurt, breathing hurt, seeing hurt. It all just hurt so bad.

Luffy was strong, incredibly strong, but even the strong had their limits, and he'd reached his. And so, with little choice left to him, Luffy slowly pitched backward and his mind started to fade into the black.

But that was as far as he got.

"Hey… Hey, kid. Can you hear me?"

Luffy groaned weakly in the affirmative.

"Heh. Yeah, that's what I thought. Look, kid, I know that you're going through hell right now, but you can't give up, alright? You're not done yet, not even close. Here, I'll even help you through it. First things first. Get back on your feet."

Luffy groaned again, but in spite of that, he gritted his teeth, surged his everything forward, and forced himself back to where he was standing.

"Good, that's good! Alright, next, that Gear Second of yours. Think you can keep it going?"

The rubber-man wheezed and panted as he reminded himself to keep breathing, but even so, the amount of steam surging from his body returned to full force. And through his pain, he was able to catch sight of Rob Lucci stopping in his tracks and slowly casting a fearful glance over his shoulder.

"Heh, that caught his attention. Now, this part is the easiest of all. You see that big ugly bastard in front of you, the one who's been kicking the crap out of you this entire time?"

Luffy's head nodded infinitesimally as his lungs sucked in that vital oxygen.

"Well, if you lose here, then he's going to kill your crew. He's going to kill every last one of your friends. The only person who can stop that is you, kid. So, what you're gonna do is you're gonna dig deep. You're gonna pull up every last bit of power you have, every last inch of it, all of it, and you're going to put it towards kicking. His. Tail. Think you can handle that?"

Luffy's eyes slowly filled with absolute hatred as he processed those words. And fueling that hatred…

"The greatest swordsman in the world? That's good! I wouldn't expect anything less from a crewmate of the future King of the Pirates!"

"Eh? What are you talking about? Get on already."

"Shishishi! Looks like I've found my cook!"

…were memories.

"NAMI, YOU'LL ALWAYS BE MY FRIEND!"

"Hey, that's a pretty neat trick!"

"SHUT UP! LET'S GO ALREADY!"

His mind ablaze, the pirate leaned back ever so slightly. "Guuuuum-Guuuuum…"

"Heh. Knew you had it in you. Well, you seem to have this handled, so I'll be going. Good luck to ya. Oh, and before I forget?"

A D-shaped smile flashed through Luffy's head.

"You wear my old hat damn well."

And with that, Luffy let all hell fly loose. "Jeeeeet!"

Lucci barely had time to erect a half-assed Iron Body as the first fists hit him. After that…

"I'll make sure Vivi stays safe. We all will."

"SO COOL! So, you guys really want to join my crew?"

"WE HAVE TWO NEW CREWMATES! HIP HIP!"

"ROBIN!"

After that, Lucci lost.

"SAY YOU WANT TO LIIIIIVE!"

"GATLIIIIIIING!"

-o-

It was an absolute miracle that Rob Lucci managed to endure the barrage hammering his body at all. The fists came hard, they came fast, and they came relentlessly tenderizing every square inch of the assassin's body that they could reach.

His Iron Body didn't matter, his Zoan-enhanced physique didn't matter, not even his own inhuman constitution mattered. None of it mattered because none of it could stand up to the sheer onslaught assaulting him, pounding through his flesh, pounding him into the wall.

But in spite of it all, Lucci managed to remain conscious. In spite of every last bone in his body breaking twice over, in spite of him suffering injuries that would kill weaker men a hundred times over, Lucci stood strong.

And then it happened.

"…rrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!"

Straw Hat Luffy raised his head and screamed his primal fury to the world.

In the moment of that roar, Lucci managed to crack his eye open, and through the haze of blood and pain, he caught sight of a fist.

A single fist, completely like the dozens, hundreds, thousands all around it that were pounding into him… save for a single aspect.

Where those fists glistened red, that fist glistened black.

That one fist rammed itself in the middle of Lucci's face… and Lucci lost.

The next thing he knew, Lucci was staring at the ground, the world wavering in and out of focus as he only just clung to the waking world.

At the very edge of his consciousness, the sound of misshapen wingbeats hit his ears, followed by the soft thwump of something feathered slapping into his back.

Lucci coughed up a mouthful of blood and croaked painfully, his voice barely above a whisper, his jaws and tongue barely able to form words. "Status… report?"

"Agh…" Hattori twitched minutely on his back. "I'm… afraid we've lost, sir. Utterly, at that. Couldn't be helped, really, they're… just that good."

Lucci snorted out a heavy breath. "Damn…"

"…Honestly, sir? Maybe we should look on the bright side."

"Which is…?"

"Well… you did push him farther than a Warlord and God. And… one way or another… we won't be… seeing Spandam again. That… has to be worth something… right?"

Lucci panted heavily for a moment before allowing a rueful grin to crawl across his face. "It was… one hell… of a fight…"

And with that, Rob Lucci fell asleep with a smile.

-o-

As Luffy's final attack rang out, the SBS fell silent, and a good number of those fighting on the bridge paused to watch what they could of the fight.

And as I saw Lucci fall, I slowly turned to Soundbite, the Luffy-grade grin that was slowly spreading across his face matching mine tooth for tooth.

And then, as if to dispel any and all doubts?

"ROOOBIIIIIIIN!" Luffy roared, his voice stretching across the air even without Soundbite's help. "LET'S ALL GO BACK! TOGETHER!"

I heaved forward and clutched my gut and mouth as I tried to restrain myself. "Pffff…"

However, before I could so much as squeak, the Marines were kind enough to provide a trigger. "C-Calling all ships!" the suddenly panicked voice of God stammered. "J-Just now! T-The pirate, S-Straw Hat Luffy… H-HAS JUST DEFEATED CIPHER POL NO. 9'S ROB LUCCI!"

"PFFFHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!" I threw my head back and cackled to the high heavens. "YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST, FOLKS! THE WINNER BY TOTAL KNOCKOUT IN THE BRAWL AGAINST THE SOLDIER OF JUSTICE IS NONE OTHER THAN OUR CAPTAIN, MONKEY D. STRAW HAT LUFFY!"

I then snapped my finger up and jabbed it into the air. "THIS MEANS THAT IN THE END, IN THE CONFLICT BETWEEN US AND THE DREADED BOOGEYMEN OF CIPHER POL NUMBER NINE, THE UNDEFEATED AND UNMITIGATED VICTORS ARE… THE STRAW HAT PIRAAAAATES!"

I swear, nothing, nothing up until that point compared to the sheer torrent of adrenaline coursing through my body at shouting that to the world. The world… Enies Lobby had been earthshaking in canon, but now? This was going to be comparable to Whitebeard punching the planet's core. And it. Was. Intoxicating.

And hence, with no more regard for the warzone around me, I laughed and laughed—

"Dot dot dot—KA-LICK! WAY TO GO, LUFFY!"

"COMPLETE VICTORY, SUCKERS!"

"QUIET, OR THEY'LL FIND US!"

"THAT'S MY BOYS, HAHAHAHAAAA!"

And I laughed and laughed and laughed as we got the solid confirmation that all of our allies were alright—

"ALL UNITS! OPEN FIRE ON THE BRIDGE OF HESITATION! DAMN PLUTON AND DAMN THE ELDER STARS! KILL THE STRAW HAT PIRATES! LEAVE NONE ALIVE!"

And when Sengoku's voice bellowed out, and I turned to see the very, very dented Gates of Justice—

CRACK!

…correction. The cracked gates of Justice.

"Uhhh…" Su hedged nervously, cowering as rays of golden light started to shine through the badly abused doors. "Is metal supposed to act like that?"

Vivi opened her mouth to answer and then choked fearfully as the blood drained from her face. "It does when it's exposed to temperatures several dozen degrees below freezing…" she squeaked as she shakily raised a finger to point.

Indeed, by following her finger, I caught sight of signs of frost starting to creep through and around the Gates.

"PFFHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And then I just kept laughing.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUNNY!? YOU'RE ALL ABOUT TO DIE!"

"PFFHAHAHAHA!" I howled as I shot my grin at the warships looming around us. "I seriously overestimated how smart you guys were. You still don't get it?! WE'VE ALREADY WON! All that's left now is to get the hell out! And that way out…" I turned my attention skywards. "Should be arriving any second now."

And so I waited.

In reality, it was only for half a minute, at the absolute worst, but to me… it was torture. An infinity after an infinity, each instant tick-tick-ticking away without end.

And at the end of those infinities, I was just about to feel the barest sliver of doubt…

…and then it was there.

Tears welled in the corners of my closed eyes as I smiled blissfully. "I knew you'd come…" I whispered.

Soundbite's jaw all but hit the ground as he stared at nothing. "NO. FUCKING. WAY."

"Eh?" Franky paused mid-punch to put a hand to his ear. "The hell—? Who was that? And what'd they say, it was all garbled."

"Huh!? You goin' deaf, metal-man?!" Boss scoffed as he whipped his rope-dart around to and fro. "That was as clear as day!" He then frowned in confusion. "Ah, the words were, anyways. The actual meaning, though…?"

"Where did that come from…?" Su wondered, glancing every which.

I grinned as I watched everyone react in confusion, but when I noticed Usopp heading for the edge of the bridge, I snapped my hand out. "Don't!" I shouted, even as I kept on smiling. "Don't look, don't question it! You don't have to! Because in the end…" Tears spilled freely down my cheeks as I wept with joy. "We already know who it is, right?"

Usopp stared dubiously at me before an equally euphoric smile came across his face. He then threw his head back…

"THE SEA!"

And shouted.

"JUMP INTO THE SEEEEA!" he cried out, sobbing joyously. "EVERYONE JUMP, RIGHT NOOOW!"

"ROBIN!" I roared at our confused archaeologist. "TOSS HIM IN WITH US!"

Robin stared at me for a second before nodding confidently. "Right!"

"Wha—! Are the two of you nuts!?" Zoro demanded incredulously. "That damn sea is in turmoil, if we go down there—!"

"It'll be fine!" Usopp sobbed in his face. "S-She's here! She's c-come to help us! She's here! She actually came!"

Lassoo glanced between us for a moment before shrugging flatly. "Oh, what the hell." He reared on his hind legs and howled. "TO THE SEA!"

"INTO THE SEA!" Boss and Franky chorused, pumping their fists in synch as they dashed towards the edge.

"THE SEA!" Sanji crowed at the top of his lungs.

"INTO THE SEA!" Vivi and Conis cried out together, the angel helping the Princess to carry Carue with her.

"YOU'RE ALL NUTS, YA KNOW THAT?" Kokoro shouted out as she ran after us.

"THE… THE PIRATES HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS!" the voice of God cried out in confusion.

I honestly couldn't help myself, cackling as I swept my arms out wide. "PFFHAHAHA! YOU ALL ONLY WISH! WE'RE NOT NUTS, YOU BASTARDS JUST DIDN'T COUNT RIGHT! Buuut hey," I scoffed mockingly. "I'm a nice guy. So what the hell, allow me to list off the members who currently compose the crew of the future King of the Pirates!"

I jabbed my thumb at myself. "For starters, we have me, my talking snail, and my ballistic hound!"

"REPRESENT!" Soundbite roared.

"Got that right!" Lassoo bayed.

"The future best swordsman in the world, the ultimate ruler of all snipers, and the best chef to ever come out of the North Blue!"

"TO THE—!"

"WE GET IT ALREADY!" two of our crew's monsters snarled as they grabbed our sniper's shoulders and dragged him along.

"The wicked witch of the weather, the ingenious monster doctor, and the one true heir of Alabasta and her royal guard!"

"SCREW OFF, CROSS!" Nami and Chopper laughed as they ran past us.

"Give 'em hell, Cross!" Vivi eagerly shouted, slapping me on the back as she passed.

"Ditto!" Carue pumped his wing firmly as he hung onto Conis.

"A band of badass dugongs, our angelic gunner, and her pet fox, and the demonic heir of Ohara!"

"OOHRAH!" Boss roared skywards.

"I hope this works…" Conis giggled nervously.

"Of course it will!" Su cackled eagerly. "Haven't you noticed it yet!? With these people, the crazier the scheme is, the more it's absolutely guaranteed to work!"

"That does seem to be a fact of life…" Robin agreed, a blissful smile on her face.

"The very heir to Roger's throne!"

"I-I-I-I'M GETTING DIZZY-Y-Y-Y-Y!"

I spared that comment a snicker before spinning on my heel and continuing. "And finally, to round out our numbers, our most crucial and beloved comrade of all…" My smile stretched from ear to ear as I ran to the very edge of the bridge and jumped, even going so far as to pull a flip midair as the bridge exploded behind me.

I smiled down at the sea…

"Let's go, everyone!"

And laughed as Merry smiled right back up at us, waving her arms over her head.

"Let's all go back! Back to the Sea of Adventure!"

"WE HAVE THE MOST BADASS CARAVEL THE GRAND LINE HAS EVER SEEN!"

-o-

A world away in a fairytale land of sweets, a Long-Leg man and a lion gaped at a cackling snail in shock. Contrary to appearances, this was not the setup to a joke.

"I—! W-Wait, give me a second…" Pekoms stammered hesitantly, holding a hand up as he reached beneath his sunglasses and kneaded the bridge of his nose. "I… t-their ship just came for them? It came for them on its own and spoke!?"

"Bon—Oui, it did—soir…" Tamago breathed in shock. "Bon—Maman… Maman is going to be très interested in this development, sans doubte—soir."

The mink processed that for a second before snorting and slamming his glasses back into place with a growl. "Well, if she is, then 'Maman' can take care of it herself."

Tamago looked at his companion with a raised eyebrow. "BonEs-tu suicidal—soir?"

Pekoms gave his partner in crime a flat look. "The Straw Hats may be Paradise rookies, but they're Paradise rookies that just invaded the World Government's turf for one of their crewmates and won, with the entire world as their witness. That is Emperor levels of crazy at minimum, and they didn't even have a fraction of our manpower! I don't care how safe Totland is renowned for being or how powerful Linlin is, I am not risking my shell going after their damn ship!"

Tamago hesitated slightly before swallowing and tugging at his collar. "Ahh… Bon—Bien dit—soir."

-o-

"WOAH!" I cried, flailing desperately as I was tossed up—!

THWUMP! "OW!"

And then crashed down onto the deck of the Merry. "Nice toss…" I groaned as I rubbed my head.

"Sue me, I was swimmin' drunk!" Kokoro cackled from overboard. "Anyways, gimme a bit, will you? These currents are hell, and I got a lot of people to find, even with the dugong helping out!"

SPLASH! "WAAAAAGH!" THWUMP! "OW!"

"Make that one less!"

"SCWEW YOU, BOSS!"

I rolled my eyes with a scoff before glancing around—

"Ah, there you are!"

—and picking Soundbite up with a grin, simultaneously discarding the sword I'd been using onto the deck. "Sorry about tossing you like that, I just didn't want you in the seawater is—!"

"HURK!"

"…all, seriously!?"

"THE FUCKING DECK IS SOAKED, ASSHAT!" Soundbite snarled irately.

"You little—!"

"Cross!"

I spun around at the sound of a very familiar ethereal voice, and grinned joyously and crouched down with my arms held wide as a little raincoat-wearing tyke ran at me. "Merry!"

The Klabautermann leaped into my arms and hugged me tightly with a happy sob, and I hugged back.

"JACKASS!"

THWACK!

"YEOW!"

Before she suddenly hauled off and rammed her foot into my shin. Through my greave. And it hurt. A lot.

"OWOWOWOW—WHAT THE HELL, YOU LITTLE SCUMBOAT!?" I barked as I hopped around on my uninjured leg.

"YOU BASTARDS LEFT ME!" she roared as she flailed her arms indignantly.

"What!?" I froze in place as I stared at her in shock. "That's—! Hell no, that's not it all! We just decided to hold you in reserve, is all! Come on, you should know this! You don't roll out your pinch hitter in the first inning; you hold her back for the bottom of the ninth!"

Merry snorted and puffed her cheeks out petulantly. "You're just trying to butter me up so that I don't hit you more!"

"…is it working?"

THWACK!

"YEOW!"

"JACKASS!"

"You little—!"

Before I could say anything else, I was cut off by her grabbing my leg and burying her face in my jacket.

"I was so scared…" she whispered tearfully.

I hastily dropped to my knees and hugged her tight, holding onto her as firmly as I could. "I never doubted you would come, not even for a second…" I solemnly promised her.

I heard a few more SPLASH! sounds from nearby, but I didn't look up from where I was. At least, not until Luffy gasped in relief and Kokoro and Boss leaped back onboard.

"Phew, that was close! I thought I was going to—MERRY?!" Luffy yelped in shock.

"Hi, Captain!" Merry waved eagerly. "I decided to pop my body to help you guys!"

"Oh, that's cool!" Luffy laughed happily before refocusing his attention. "Oh, and Robin! Thanks for—Mmph?"

He was cut off by an autonomous hand as Robin smiled happily. She then turned her attention back to everyone else. "Everyone," she smiled gratefully. "Thank—!"

"ROBIN!"

"—GWAH!?"

THWUMP!

I blinked in shock as Nico Robin was summarily glomped by Tony Tony Chopper, Nami, and Nefertari Vivi. Sanji tried too, of course, but he missed and crashed into the mast.

"That's new…" I mused numbly.

"THAT HURT, JERK!" Merry roared as she booted Sanji's ass.

"Wha—?" Robin blinked blearily as she looked at the trio on top of her.

"I was so scared that you were going to die before I could say sorry for how I've been treating you!" Vivi sobbed regretfully.

"I thought I was going to be the last sane woman standing on this ship of crazies!" Nami wept fearfully.

"ROBIIIIN!" Chopper blubbered… well, Chopper just straight-up blubbered.

"Ah…" I shook my head, trying to get my brain back on track. "Sooo… Vivi, does this mean you'll stop being such a bitch to her now?"

Vivi swiftly snapped to her feet and coughed into her fist as she regained her usual composure. "Now, now, let's not go crazy here."

Nami stared up at her with a look of clear exasperation. "Seriously!?"

"She crucified my father!"

"It's fine, it's fine, I acknowledge that I made mistakes. I'll send him my sincerest apologies at the earliest convenience." Robin glanced to the side thoughtfully. "I'm sure that I still have the letter template lying around somewhere…"

"You will write him a twenty-page essay by hand, and you know exactly which pair I speak of!" Vivi snapped indignantly.

"IS THIS REALLY THE TIME?!" Zoro roared.

"HEARTLESS BASTARD!" Chopper shouted back as he threw himself at the swordsman.

"HAVE YOU NO RESPECT!?" Usopp demanded as he lunged towards him, his Usopp Pound at the ready.

"DIE, MOSSHEAD!" Sanji declared as he loosed a flurry of kicks.

"THE DAMN BATTLESHIPS ARE GETTING READY TO BLAST US, YOU MORONS!" he shouted back as he hastily blocked.

"Ah…" I flinched and glanced around nervously at the many Marines scrambling around frantically on the Battleships. "Point. Reunite and celebrate later, GTFO now."

"Ugh…" Luffy groaned, drawing everyone's attention. Visibly struggling, he held up his arm. "Guys… I've done as much as I can." He grinned weakly. "Can I trust you guys… to do the rest?"

I didn't even hesitate to match his grin tooth for tooth as I dashed up to him and slapped his hand. "Ever and always, captain!" I then reached into my bag, and again grabbed the knob controlling the dead zone. "Alright, how long do we have before they fire?"

"Half a minute! THEY'RE FAST!"

"Well, then, guess we'll just have to up that time limit, won't we?" I angled my head at my snail. "Soundbite?"

"Aye?"

I spun the knob clockwise once more before answering through a positively psychotic smile. "Let's have us some good old-fashioned, down and dirty fun."

"AYE-AYE!"

"Oh, those poor bastards," Merry breathed reverentially.

Not daring to wait a moment longer, I snapped my finger up and pointed at a nearby Battleship. "Attention—!" I barked in a voice that wasn't mine.

"GUNNERY DECK #2!" Soundbite picked up seamlessly.

"This is—!"

"VICE ADMIRAL STRAWBERRY!"

"The Straw Hats have pulled a trick! Several of their number have infiltrated—!" I swung my finger around to indicate another battleship.

"VESSEL NUMBER 6!"

"Prepare to fire upon the ship on my mark! Any who fail to comply will be summarily executed!"

My grin widened visibly as the line of cannons on the ship re-oriented themselves. "FIRE!"

The very moment that the cannon fire began, I pointed towards the ship behind the one being fired upon. "Attention all hands, this is—!" "Rear Admiral Winston!" "The soldiers onboard of—!" "Vessel number 1!" "Have just mutinied, along with the soldiers on—!" "Vessel number 7!" "Fire on them on my mark!" I gave the cannons a moment to reorient befoooore… "FIRE!"

Ah, that barrage of thunder was music to my ears.

"Who next, who next…" I sang as I danced my finger around. "Eenie meenie minie you."

And so it went as Soundbite and I proceeded to sow utter mayhem amidst the Buster Call. Oh, and we didn't just order them to fire on one another, that would have been too easy.

We started unwitting mutinies—

"I repeat, the soldiers on decks four through six are compromised! Apprehend them at once so that they may be court-martialed!"

—we undermined authority—

"You thought that voice was me!? FOOLS! That was Jeremiah Cross and his snail! Henceforth, all orders must be preceded by the following passcode!"

—we orchestrated acts of sabotage—

"I am telling you the truth, soldier, the ship is lost! Soak all the gunpowder through, make sure that these bastards can't use our vessel for anything but tinder!"

—but most of all? Throughout the next three interminable minutes—

"Hurry the hell up! If we don't have that birthday cake ready to go in the next minute, Admiral Akainu is going to have all of our heads! And where are the goat hooves!?"

We raised hell.

Once all ships the were nice in nice, chaotic disarray, their shots firing anywhere but at Merry, I allowed myself to hunch over and wheeze, panting as I got some breath back in my spent lungs. "Wooo, that was rough…" I panted with a shit-eating grin. "But now… nooooow… nooow we do the coup de grâce."

I exchanged grins with Soundbite before pulling myself to my full height and pointing skywards and shouting out. Our voices sounded in unison as five very specific voices that were not our own.

"FIRE!"

And all at once, every last battleship of the Buster Call fired on one another, and the only reason they didn't all go up in splinters was that the fire was divided instead of concentrated.

"SORRY, GUESS YOU ALL LISTENED TO THE WRONG VOICES!" Soundbite and I cackled in the quintet, myself even going so far as to pull my eyelid down and stick out my tongue. "BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!" And with that, I slashed my hand across my neck and we just flat-out cackled as the Buster Call imploded around us.

"…I will now repeat myself: I am so very, very glad that I am on your side, Cross," Kokoro muttered, looking honest-to-goodness scared.

"So am I, Granny," I chuckled, before turning towards the rest of my bemused crew and looking towards the second mate. "Now, seeing as how those ships are still somewhat functional and we've accomplished everything we came here for, what say we leave Enies Lobby to ruin and head back to Water 7?" I raised my hand. "Your turn, o mighty navigator."

Nami grinned as she slapped my hand, looking over her notepad once more before nodding firmly. "Right, then. Everyone to your positions! Half sail on the main, full sail on the mizzen and bowsprit! And whoever's on the whipstaff, course—" She paused, eyeballing what little sky hadn't gone dark from the smoke. "Put the sun off the starboard bow!"

And as soon as we finished scrambling around getting everything perfect—and Nami was up to her usual exacting standards, so that wasn't easy—we were on our way. Now that the threat was mostly disarmed, our navigator chucked the notion of stability out the window in favor of speed.

Nami directed us along those currents as though Merry were her personal bicycle. We weaved around the battleships wallowing in the ever-changing currents, their shattered masts and shredded sails unable to properly maneuver them. And we caught the edges of the whirlpools at just the right moments and angles needed to give us bursts of speed. Musket fire and light swivel cannons barked out in attempts to hit us, but their height, the close range, and the sheer disparity between them and Nami's skills meant that they didn't even come close to hitting us.

But of course, that didn't mean that things were easy by any definition of the word.

"HARD TO PORT!" Nami barked as one of the battleships slewed into our path.

"I've got it!" Boss grunted, lashing out with his rope dart. The weapon bit into the hull of a nearby battleship, swinging us around its prow… with just a bit too much force.

"Too fast too fast TOO FAST!" Merry wailed fearfully as she whipped towards the hull of a battleship portside first. "WE'RE GONNA CRASH!"

"NOT IF I CAN STOP IT!" Nami snapped back before whipping her finger up. "CONIS!"

The angel groaned miserably as she brought her bazooka up to bear. "Oh, this is gonna hurt…" Nevertheless, she squared her stance, leveled the weapon at the warship, and pulled the trigger. "Reject Bazoo—OOMPH!" The rest of the attack's name was cut off as the blast tossed Conis off her feet. Thankfully, it was enough to kill Merry's sideways momentum, which allowed us to continue on track.

"That was weeeiiird," the Klabautermann mumbled as she staggered around dizzily.

"Gnnnnrrrrr…" Conis half-whimpered-half-groaned as she clutched her shoulder.

"Alright, almost there…" Nami muttered to herself as we sped down the water-filled alley.

"NOT QUITE!" Soundbite barked. "We've got a bunch OF CANNONS AIMED AT US, AND I can't stop them all!"

Nami's reaction was… to cast a sidelong glare at the ships around us before heaving an exasperated sigh. "Tch. Yeah, that figures. I guess I might as well take care of them, huh."

…not what I'd expected and not that I really doubted her at this point, but… ah, what the hell. I raised an eyebrow before addressing her. "Okay, I'll bite, how the heck're you planning to pull that off?"

Nami responded by gracing me with an angelic smile. "Answer me this: What is Enies Lobby renowned as?" she asked.

"Ah…?"

Those of us who weren't busy panicking at the sight of gun crews swarming on the nearby battleships sent confused glances at each other.

"It's… an eternal day island?" Sanji finally spoke up.

"Right!" Nami said cheerfully. "So then…" She cocked her head to the side innocently. "Why are we fighting in the shade?"

"Fighting in the—" I parroted, looking up, before cutting myself off as I took in the sky. "Ooooohhhhhh holy shit."

Suddenly, I was very glad my fear of lightning was almost completely gone. Because if it wasn't, seeing a horizon-to-horizon bank of crackling storm clouds blending in with the smoke probably would've sent me catatonic. And if that seems like a suspiciously specific approximation, that's because as it was, it still took almost all my strength to not pass out.

"When the hell did you set this up, witch?!" Zoro demanded.

"You didn't think all that staff-spinning I was doing on the Bridge was just to control my Eisen Tempo, did you?" Nami grinned cheerfully. "Now, if you'll excuse me…" She started to swing her staff about, causing her cloudy aura to snap about and darken. "Today's forecast warns of an errant lightning god wandering in the vicinity of Enies Lobby. Signs of said god's approach include freak storms, inordinate pillars of lightning, and maximum carnage. Should you happen to be in the path of this deity, this navigator advises only one course of action."

An evil grin played its way across Nami's face as she pointed her staff skyward. "Pray."

And with that, her Eisen Cloud lashed out a single bolt of lightning and into the tempest above.

While we were all gaping up at the heavens as the clouds steadily started to glow brighter and brighter, Nami smiled cheerily as she spun her Clima-Tact at her side. "Divine Tempo."

She then slammed the butt of her weapon into the deck with a resounding CLACK.

"Jupiter's Fury."

And then the world… pretty much exploded with light and sound as the sky disgorged almost a dozen insanely massive pillars of pure electricity that slammed into the ocean around us, with more than half of them frying the battleships, leaving them dismasted and afire.

Once my vision returned and my ears stopped ringing, I slowly took in the sight of the Marines scrambling about on the now actively burning warships around us before turning a deliberately neutral expression on Nami. "I think I can hear a song playing," I stated.

"Let me guess, 'Hail to the Queen'?" she inquired happily.

"Try 'Pop goes the Bounty'."

That caused Nami to freeze up, her mouth slightly open before she sighed and shook her head. "Yeah, that's fair," she reluctantly admitted.

I chuckled, mentally sending a thank you to Kalifa—and that was something I never thought I'd think—and then glanced back out to sea.

I then felt euphoria begin to bubble in my chest as I realized that I really was looking out to sea, because before us was the sight of a blue horizon, marred only by the last battleship, drifting along dead in the water on a parallel course.

Everyone else was swift to notice and rejoice as well.

"There's the exit!" Merry leaped and pointed forwards joyously.

"Did you ever doubt me?" Nami regained her charisma as she smirked victoriously.

"Do you think I ever don't?" Zoro deadpanned.

"We're free~, we're free~!" Usopp and Chopper sing-sang as they danced around hand-in-hand with one another.

"We made it," Robin breathed as she sighed in relief.

CRASH!

A moment after she said that, said last battleship found itself t-boned as another one came across our path. And at its bow was a figure I immediately recognized.

"Vice Admiral Momonga," I grit out.

"Strong?" Boss queried, his flipper drifting towards his rope-dart, accompanied by an eager glint in his eyes.

"Oh, even better," Vivi lamented miserably.

Momonga proceeded to whip his blade from its sheath and hold it at ready in what was clearly a well-practiced stance.

"Swordsman."

"And she means the 'Sea Kings make a good lunch' kind, too," I provided.

"Erk," Boss responded intelligently as he snapped his hand away from his weapon as though it were on… well, you know.

"Why did I open my mouth?" Robin muttered darkly as she massaged the bridge of her nose. "I know better by now, so why?"

"Infectious insanity?" Lassoo supplied.

"…yes, that sounds about right."

"Nami-swan, you have a plan, right?" Sanji asked nervously.

"Yup," she said, popping the last letter before raising her hand with her palm out. "Tag."

Zoro snorted through his smirk as he slapped her palm with his free hand, the other occupied with tying his bandanna in place. "Right."

Once he was past her, Nami leaned towards me. "He… does have this, right?"

"Eh…" I hedged uncertainly. "Maybe? It all depends—?"

"Asura."

"—Yeah, no, he's got this," I amended seamlessly.

Needless to say, Zoro's illusory doubles appearing around him left everyone gaping in stunned amazement, even me. It was one thing to hear about it in practice, but actually seeing Zoro with three faces and six arms? That was… something else… wait… why did he enter the form before drawing any of his blades?! As it was, he only had three hanging at his—!

My thought process ground to a halt as Zoro spread his legs and took a very specific stance, all six of his hands clutching the hilt of one very specific sword, and going by the way Momonga tensed on his ship, he had a good idea of what was coming too.

"One Sword Style," a trio of hellish voices chorused in synch. "Asura…"

"Hoooo boy," I whispered numbly as I slowly brought out my Vision Dial. "This is gonna be—!"

"Imperial Lion's Anthem!"

Before I could react, there was… I think there was a blur of motion as Zoro and Momonga swung their blades as one—and then everything was still as Zoro slowly returned Wado Ichimonji into its sheath.

The second the crossguard clicked against the lacquered wood, two things happened at once.

The first was that Momonga was flung back from the edge of the battleship, his back slamming into the vessel's hull as the wind was slammed out of him.

And second…

Second, Zoro's Asura clones faded, and he walked over to Luffy, pressing his straw hat back onto his face. "And that's that. Back to you, Captain," he grunted.

"Thanks, Zoro!" Luffy laughed through his hat.

"Um, Zoro?" Nami cocked her eyebrow at him in a decidedly unimpressed manner. "Not that getting rid of a Vice Admiral isn't impressive and everything, I'd just like to point out the fact that his battleship is still—"

"Ah, Nami?" Boss interrupted with a cough as he tugged at her jacket, jabbing his cigar at the ship. "I would kindly suggest shutting up about now."

Nami and I followed the direction he was pointing in and then blinked in confusion as we tried to process what our eyes were telling us. It… appeared like the battleship was moving in two different directions for some reason? But that didn't make any sense, why would the aft of the ship be rising above… the…

"Did he just cut a Marine BATTLESHIP IN HALF?" Soundbite asked weakly.

I chuckled in dull amazement as I confirmed that yes, the two halves of the titanic vessel were sliding apart. However, as swiftly as I was stunned, I was just as swiftly snapped out of it as I noticed another result of the attack.

-o-

"Sweet shit man, you even cut the sea and clouds! N-Not that far, admittedly, but—!"

Mihawk cocked his eyebrow at the snail before glancing away with a scoff. "Two steps forward—"

"I did?" the 'novice' swordsman's voice interrupted, the snail sporting an annoyed scowl. "Tch, damn."

"…why the hell do you sound disappointed?" the navigator asked in a strained tone.

"Because if I'd done that move perfectly, then only the ship would have been split in half. And besides, the ship didn't split all the way through; it broke halfway, and its own weight did the rest. Too much force, not enough control. Tch, guess I still have one hell of a long way to go."

"YOU APOLOGIZE TO EVERY BEGINNER AND WEAKLING IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW!" the Straw Hats' sniper roared indignantly.

Mihawk's eyebrows rose again, and his lips slowly parted into a pleased smile. "Well," he nodded in approval as he took a sip from the cup of wine he was holding. "It would appear that my successor is indeed progressing at an acceptable pace. Good, very good."

"Gurararara! Looks like choosing the one who followed Red-Hair's brat as your own was a good choice," a nearby giant chuckled animatedly before sighing fondly. "Meanwhile, mine is still stuck in the thralls of his youth and rebelling with reckless abandon. Honestly…" Whitebeard shook his head with an indulgent sigh. "I love my sons dearly, but sometimes they need a good clock upside the head."

"Like Shanks himself, unfortunately," Mihawk scoffed with a slight leer.

Indeed, it was the very reason that he was in his current situation. His former rival's rampage, undoubtedly to cause more trouble for the World Government to support his protégé, was troubling him by proxy, especially given the fact that Shanks was one of two Emperors on such a rampage. Three would remove any possibility of Mihawk not getting involved, so he had sought out the Moby Dick in hopes of discouraging such actions. He'd succeeded, and as a bonus, found a new drinking companion in the process.

"Gurararara! Now, that's an entirely different matter!" Whitebeard cackled. "Red-Hair can grow as old or strong as he wants, but he'll always be a brat at heart."

The world's greatest swordsman twitched before reaching for his wine bottle. "Don't I know it."

-o-

Once I managed to snap myself out of my shock, I whipped my head around and snapped my finger up at our on-staff cyborg. "FRANKY! GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE, NOW!"

Franky hesitated at that, glancing around nervously. "Wait, you mean—!? I can't! I ran out of—!"

"Here you go!" Merry piped up as she pulled a trio of bottles out of… somewhere and shoved them in his arms.

"Eh?!" Franky blinked at them in shock. "Where the hell did you—!?"

"Iceburg said that you'd run out, so he gave me these!"

"…tch. Damn Ice-for-Brains—!" Franky muttered acridly as he opened his gut fridge, swapped out the bottles, and then shuddered in disgust. "Ah, gross, this is diet!"

"FRANKY!"

"Gah, alright, alright!" Franky snapped as half the ship yelled at him, but halfway up the steps he paused and shot an uncertain look over his shoulder. "But… if I do use it—"

"It's the only way," Merry cut him off with a voice full of iron. "Do it."

Franky turned his uncertain expression towards the Klabautermann, but seeing her immovable expression, he nodded and dashed to the caravel's stern. "Alright, everyone hang on tight, because I'm giving her all I've got. Max Cola Power!"

"EVERYONE HANG ONTO YOUR EVERYTHING!" I called out as I leaped to the nearest line and wrapped it around my arm. "BECAUSE WE!"

"THIRD TIME, BABY!" Merry laughed ecstatically as she jumped up and down on her own head. "THIS IS AN EAST BLUE RECORD!"

"ARE!"

"LET'S GOOOOO!" Luffy whooped at the top of his lungs.

"OUTTA HERE!"

"SAYONARA, suckahs!" Soundbite roared as loud as he could.

"COUP DE VENT!"

And just like that, I felt a few Gs of wind slamming into me, like Reverse Mountain and the Knock-Up Stream all over again. We were flying again… we were free again.

"And, just to discourage anyone from taking potshots at us, SPECIAL ATTACK: SMOKE STAR!" Usopp declared, letting the smoke bomb fly and complete the image of what we were leaving behind: what had been a deadly fleet in a Government base not one hour ago was now matchsticks and razors.

And at that moment? I let all the tension leave me as I threw back my head, flung my fist in the air…

"WE WOOOOON!"

And shouted our victory to the ends of the earth.

-o-

Sengoku drew in a deep breath through his nose as he kept his eyes firmly closed, slowly counting down from a thousand by multiples of seven in a bid to remain calm.

"Let me see if I have this straight," he stated slowly and clearly. "We have lost Enies Lobby. We have lost CP9. We have lost a dozen battleships. We have lost thousands of soldiers. We are still trying to locate where Kizaru landed. And we have months' worth of repair work to perform on the Gates of Justice. And meanwhile, the Straw Hat Pirates and their sixty allies all left the island alive?"

"That sounds about right, yeah," Admiral Aokiji drawled coolly.

"And you're advocating…" Sengoku slowly cracked his eyes open. "That we let. Them. Go."

Aokiji considered that for a moment before nodding in agreement. "Pretty much, yeah."

Sengoku slowly slid his eyes shut and slowed his breathing anew before slowly reopening them several dozen feet higher and with a lot more light. "If your reasoning isn't the best I have heard since I joined the Navy, I will trade you to Big Mom to act as her refrigerator until the end of your days in exchange for whatever islands I can get."

To his credit, Aokiji only swallowed minutely under the force of Sengoku's divine glare. "Simple," he drawled in an only just calm voice. "The world's already in turmoil, and it's going to get worse as the Straw Hats' latest broadcast sinks in. And that's on top of the casualties we suffered today. The last thing we need is to storm a nominally allied nation to get at the Straw Hats."

"And that's if they still decide to stay allied with us, after the first entry from that blackbook," an older woman's voice cut in from nearby.

"Tsuru," Sengoku growled in a barely civil tone.

"Vice Admiral Tsuru," Aokiji nodded politely to the snail.

"Sengoku, Kuzan. If Iceburg hasn't canceled all contracts between us by now, he will if we pull a stunt as harebrained as a full-scale military invasion. And if we do that anyway, the best-case scenario would be that Cross and the rest of the Straw Hats die as martyrs, removing any doubt in his words. Tearing an island apart to kill the Straw Hats, and giving no concern to the nation therein? It would be the final nail in the Navy's coffin, and the Government's; Dragon would sink his fangs into the opportunity with gusto, and he wouldn't be the only one. This was a complete and utter defeat, Sengoku; the best we can do now is cut our losses and prepare our next move."

The Fleet Admiral of the Marines stared at the snail silently for a moment before slowly closing his eyes and drawing in a deep breath.

Then he released that breath and opened his tired eyes as he stared down at the deck of his ship.

"…is Spandam still alive?" he asked softly.

A slight glint appeared in Aokiji's eye as he perked up a bit. "Yes, Vice Admiral Doberman has him on board his ship. He's in bad shape, clearly, but alive."

-o-

"Shouldn't I be passing out by now?! Oh, God, the pain!"

-o-

Sengoku allowed a smirk to come over his face. "Good. We'll start cutting our losses by publishing every detail of what happens to him. Not even Cross will be able to call it anything but Justice."

"…Sengoku, I do believe that that is easily the best idea you've had all day," Tsuru replied.

-o-

A grunt on the other end signified the conversation to be over, and Tsuru hung up the snail with a heavy sigh.

"So…" Garp grunted as he munched on a rice cracker. "When do you think you're gonna forgive him?"

The elderly Vice Admiral shook her head regretfully. "Not for a while, I'm afraid. We've had our differences before, but… well, haven't you noticed he's not the same man we trained with? That we graduated with?"

"Yeah, no shit, before he didn't hit even half as hard," Garp grumbled as he rubbed his chin before shrugging indifferently. "But what the hell did you expect, eh? Heavy is the head that wears the… ah, damn…" He started snapping his finger helplessly. "What was it, what was it… top hat, I think?"

"Crown, Vice Admiral," Momonga provided dryly as he dabbed oil onto his blade.

"Yeah, that!" Garp pointed at the swordsman with a grin. "Heavy is the head that, eh… blast, the golden asshole really does hit harder. Anyway, what he said."

Tsuru shook her head sadly. "I know that he has burdens, Garp, I do. I have them myself. I understand that… or at least I thought I did." She massaged her face tiredly. "I thought he was standing strong all this time, that I was helping him bear the weight, however I could, but instead it appears that all he's been doing is bending further and further to better accommodate it, and that…" Tsuru clicked her tongue sadly. "Well, I'm afraid that I just can't approve."

"Quite the moral dilemma," Momonga observed sagely.

"One heck of a brain-twister," Garp nodded as he prepared to take a bite out of another cracker, before pausing and blinking at the youngest Vice Admiral present in surprise. "Eh? Bushy-tail? When the heck did you get here, brat? And why? And how, I thought you were on the other side of those…" The eldest Monkey winced as he shook out his thoroughly bandaged hand. "Stupid tough Gates."

The swordsman gave his senior officer a flat look. "I've been here for the past three minutes, using my sword-maintenance kit which I left here to repair Josho Kiryu. And as for how I got here—" He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder to indicate the decapitated Sea King floating next to the battleship. "I swam."

Garp blinked at the deceased titan in surprise. "Huh. So you did." He then blinked again in surprise. "Wait, 'repair' that rodent-sword of yours? How come? I mean, sure, that Roronoa fellow might have beaten your technique, but seeing as you're not hurt he didn't beat your Haki."

"That's because I got my Haki up in time once I realized that I was outclassed in traditional swordsmanship. I was able to protect myself…" Momonga frowned as he turned his Josho Kiryu in just such a manner to display the exceedingly deep rent in its blade. "But Josho wasn't as lucky."

Garp whistled in awe as he examined the sword's injury. "And I thought they were impressive before. Yamakaji's got the right of it: Monsters and demons, the lot of them."

"As if we're any better?"

"Eh?" Garp blinked at Tsuru in confusion.

"How do you do it, Garp?" Tsuru asked him. "The only excuse that I can conjure is that I've had tunnel vision from supporting Sengoku, but you? You've never allowed your perspective to be so limited. How can you support this, Garp? How can you accept that this…" She waved her hands upwards, indicating the pillar of smoke that was steadily rising above the gates and blotting out the eternal sun. "Is what the world accepts as Justice?"

Garp frowned and tilted his head to the side as he processed the question for a moment before allowing a grin to come over his face. "Oh, that's easy: that crap just doesn't matter to me, Tsuru. You know that. Absolute Justice, Lazy Justice, Moral Justice, whatever, it's all bunk and opinions and stuff. Me? I'll just do what's right and keep following the same thing I always have: my gut."

Tsuru's expression softened slightly. "…I see. And… what does your gut say now?"

Garp stood silent for a few seconds as he contemplated the question… And then both Momonga and Tsuru felt chills shoot down their spines as Garp adopted a smile that they had never known to not mean trouble.

"It's saying… that I should take a few days off to pay my cute little grandson a visit."

-o-

Meanwhile, the SBS hadn't stopped broadcasting yet, but with the war over and the victors clear as crystal, the world was already trembling from the shock of what the Straw Hats had done.

And no less awe-inspiring, the Straw Hats were still laughing. Laughing in triumph about their victory over the World Government.

"HAHAHAHA! I'm starting to understand how you feel when your adrenaline spikes, Cross; in retrospect, that was awesome!" Usopp cackled.

"Yes, talk about an amazing first adventure!" Conis gushed. "I nearly died three or four times over, but it was still amazing!"

"Okay, now, those parts were less awesome."

"Yeah, yeah, that's true, but this conclusion? To have reclaimed one's comrades in the face of impossible odds, conquering our adversaries without a single casualty on our side, this is truly… A MA—"

BLAM!

"SILENCE, YOU LITTLE PEST."

The Transponder Snail hastily snapped back into its shell as a bullet glanced off of the edge of its rig. The rest of the civilians in the store, who had remained on their knees, mostly enjoying the broadcast in peace, all flinched fearfully in response to the sudden gunshot.

Meanwhile, the World Noble who had fired upon the snail snarled and snorted murderously as he handed the empty pistol off to one of his aides and received a loaded one in return.

"Those insufferable heretics," Saint Jamolomew snarled as he cocked the new gun. "Daring to defy the divine order of the world, daring to fill my ears with their odious voices… it's bad enough that my servants are so incompetent!" He emphasized the word by pistol-whipping the aide standing next to him, the suit-wearing man taking the blow with a wince but little else. "That I have to bother myself by leaving Mariejois to get some more suitable rags for my slaves." He turned his glare back at the snail shivering on the other side of the room. "But now I am subjected to their odious laughter even now?! Who answered that snail?!" The civilians in the room flinched as he swung his gun over the room. "I demand that you stand up and atone for your sins this instant!"

Slowly, one of the clerks in the store stood up, only just managing to keep her tears under control. "I-I-I'm sorry, m-my lord! W-We were listening t-to the SBS before you entered our h-humble esta—hovel! Humble hovel, a-and because we must kneel in your g-glorious presence, w-we couldn't s-silence it until—!"

"You dare," Jamolomew cut her off. "To blame me for your crimes!?"

"N-N-No my lord, I-I-I swear, I—!" the woman sobbed fearfully as she shook her head.

"Oh, just shut up and die, would you?" the World Noble spat. With that, he pulled the trigger, the hammer swung forward—

CLINK!

—and was stopped cold by an armored finger getting in the way before it could ignite the gunpowder.

"What the—!?" The Noble stared at the finger in confusion before trailing it back to one of his guards. "What the hell do you think you're doing, mongrel!?"

"When I joined the World Government," the knight said in an emotionless tone. "It was for the express purpose of protecting the innocent from those who would do them harm. And now…" He cocked his head to the side. "I am stopping you from harming an innocent woman."

"You…" Jamolomew shook with impotent rage. "You dare to lay your hands upon me?! Me, one of the holy rulers of this world!? I shall have you executed!"

"Oh, really?" the knight glanced around at the other members of the entourage moving to grab him before speaking a word that stopped them all flat. "How?"

"Wh—are you stupidly insane or insanely stupid!?" the 'Saint' spat venomously. "When the World Government hears of this, this heresy, they will—!"

"Do what?" the knight shot back. "In case you hadn't noticed, the World Government just got kicked in the balls, and the vast majority of the Marines' military forces are currently at Enies Lobby. They have no one left to spare." The knight slowly swept his gaze over his comrades. "He's all alone. So the question isn't really what he will do to us. Rather…" He looked back at the Noble. "I'd say it's what we're going to do to him."

The Noble sputtered indignantly at the words, an action that merely intensified when the rest of his entourage slowly looked at him as well.

"Wha-What do you think you're doing!?" he stammered indignantly, swinging his head back and forth as the civilians in the shop all slowly started to get to their feet, all of them staring at him as well.

"Simply fulfilling the dream of every single civilian alive with the misfortune to have crossed your path," the rebel guard stated.

"Y-You can't do this! I-I'm a World Noble, a-a Celestial Dragon! My-My blood—AGH!" Saint Jamolomew was cut off by an armored fist closing around his throat.

"Somebody lock the doors," the knight said in a dead tone.

The clerk who had been about to die, her face now a mask of cold fury stained with tear tracks, wordlessly moved to comply, shutting the door and flipping the sign to closed.

"Y-YOU CAN'T DO THIS! T-THIS IS HERESY! T-THIS IS MADNESS! THIS—!"

"What this is…"

BLAM!

"—AAAAAAAGH!"

"Is Justice."

-o-

"M-M-Marine Headquarters! Th-This is Base 227 of Jabowana requesting backup!"

"ON THE DOUBLE!" screamed a large number of Marines who were struggling to maintain the barricades that were only just barely managing to hold the doors of their base shut, and they were steadily buckling inwards.

"O-On the double!" the Marine frantically repeated. "W-We are currently in the midst of a c-code red situation! The-The entire population of the island has risen against our base, a-against the entire Marine presence in the kingdom! They're storming the barracks, w-we—!"

SMASH!

The soldier winced fearfully as glass and flames showered down from on high on account of a scarily accurate Molotov. "We can't stop them! A-And even worse…" He glanced out through a gap in the barricade, taking in the prominent number of similarly uniformed people supporting an impromptu battering ram. "A-Almost forty percent of the base's guard force has handed in their resignations and joined with the rebels! We're not going to last much longer; please respond immediately!"

A few seconds of relative silence fell as he awaited a response. Then…

"…Petty Officer Martino?" one of the other soldiers asked in a tone of impending doom.

"Y-Yes?"

"Is that snail… even transmitting?"

The Petty Officer looked back at the gastropod to see that it was staring at him with half-lidded eyes but was saying nothing. And then, then its mouth widened into a grin. A grin vaguely reminiscent of—

"You… You little…" Martino croaked numbly.

The snail responded by mouthing two very specific words.

Before the Marine could respond, the air was split by the sound of snapping wood, and a victorious roar.

"…shit."

-o-

"…repeat, Marine code 28117. Attention Marine Headquarters, this is Master Chief Petty Officer Pearlow calling in with a situational report of the aftermath of the…" The Marine swallowed heavily as he tried to keep his nerves under control.

This feat was easier said than done, seeing as he was hiding out on top of a cliff with a snail and watching an entire city burn below him.

"Of the… events that occurred on Enies Lobby just ten minutes ago. Suffice to say that… matters are dire."

The Marine drew in a shuddering breath. "Because of the… provocative nature of the actions of the Straw Hat Pirates, as well as the nature of the… information that was divulged in the course of said actions, major civil unrest has started to occur on a… on a global scale. We have received numerous reports from all four of the Blues, as well as the Grand Line. Of the nations that compose the World Government, we have received notice that…"

The soldier had to take a moment to muster his nerves before forcing himself to continue. "That… roughly 8% of the nations that compose the World Government… have either seceded or have been overthrown… and that another 12% are staving off revolutions and uprisings.

"Furthermore, we have lost contact with dozens of Marine bases and vessels across the seas, and are receiving countless reports of pirate activity around the world. In summation…"

The soldier was trembling now, and his nerves weren't helped by the sight of the city's base slowly crumbling in on itself, flames leaping from its shattered husk with an almost victorious-sounding roar.

"In summation…"

He swallowed, and then, in a fit of panic, yelled out what he was sure was the only accurate summation of the past six hours' events.

-o-

"THIS IS, BEYOND A DOUBT, THE DARKEST DAY IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD GOVERNMENT!"

Far away upon the summit of the world, five old men stared at a snail, their expressions grim and the atmosphere around them thunderous as the world systematically crumbled beneath them.

-o-

Let me tell you something interesting that I learned after the end of Enies: When the surge of adrenaline is high enough, the high can last you for a very long time. Several minutes and some hard sailing later, we were still amped from what we'd all just experienced.

"PFFHAHAHAAAA! WOO!" I cackled energetically. "We just handed the World Government their collective asses! And we're the Mates that pulled off our escape, to boot! High-five, you two!" I shot my hand up at my comrades.

Nami and Zoro stared silently at my hand for a moment before exchanging flat looks.

My face promptly fell into an equally flat scowl. "Leave me hanging, and I swear that I'll air your dirty laundry across the world, and don't fool yourselves into thinking that I don't have any."

SLAP!

"Yes!" I pumped my fist victoriously as I considered that we'd just pulled off a three-way high five between the three mates of the Straw Hat Pirates!

"Jackass," the two chorused flatly.

"Oh, like you aren't both smiling?!"

I just laughed harder as they looked away with blushes and, yes, smirks.

That done, I started wandering the deck, weaving around my fellow crewmates' various celebrations, catching sight of Robin standing ever so slightly off to the side and allowing an eager grin to slide across my face, a look that Soundbite and Lassoo mirrored with just as much enthusiasm.

"Ohhh, Rooobiiin~?" I crooned in a saccharine tone.

The archaeologist stiffened and slowly turned to look at me. If her smile wasn't nervous when she did so, it definitely was after she saw the look on my face. "Yes, Cross?" she asked, her tone deceptively stable.

"Remember how I said, oh so long ago, that I would one day get my revenge on you for nearly killing me in Whiskey Peak?" I purred as I stepped towards her, Lassoo slinking away and out of sight behind me. "Aaand for nearly letting Chopper play Mad Doctor on me? Aaand, of course, for developing a habit of attacking my throat?"

The archaeologist was now visibly sweating as she slowly inched away from me. "Ahh… heheheh… I-I remember you saying something apropos to that train of thought, yes…"

"Weeell, see, I only bring that up…" My grin slowly widened as Lassoo got behind her legs and stopped her retreat, allowing me to shove my mad look in her face. "Because it's finally time to pay the piper."

And so, before she could react, I shot my arm around her neck, grabbed her in a chokehold, slipped my fist beneath her hat and…

"PAYBACK, YOU STONE-COLD BITCH! PFHAHAHAHAAAAA!" I cackled uproariously as I noogied her but damn good.

"Agh, what the—OWOWOWOW, LET GO, LET GO!" Robin squealed as she struggled in my grip.

I only got a few seconds of fun before Sanji trying to take my head off forced me to let go, but by then I'd already had my fun, and I was in stitches.

"PFFHAHAHAHAAAA!"

"You little—!" Sanji fumed.

"Ooowww…" Robin groaned as she rubbed her burning scalp before shooting a glare at me that was more confused than angry. "What on earth was that in aid of, Cross?"

I replied with a malevolent smirk. "Oh, what was it in aid of, you ask? Simple!" I drew my transceiver's mic from my bag and held it close to my mouth, making sure that no one could mistake what I was about to say. "I just wanted to let the world hear as I gave Nico Robin a noogie!" My spirits soared as Robin's cheeks brightened with a blush. "Good luck getting your rep back after that little stunt, witch-bitch!"

"NO, that's NAMI!" Soundbite cackled.

"I'm going to punt your head all the way back to Sengoku, Cross!" Sanji fumed indignantly as he stalked up to me.

"Whoa, hey hey!" I shot my hands up defensively as he came at me. "I have a valid excuse, I'll have you know!"

"What!?" he demanded in a tone that promised death.

"Well, ah…" I hesitated slightly… before glancing to the side with a blush as I scratched my cheek. "It's… it's just that it's a little brother's duty to embarrass his older sister, you know?"

Sanji blinked dumbfoundedly. And before he could gather enough wherewithal to react, Robin shoved past him and… hugged me.

I blinked in stunned silence for a bit… before returning the hug with just as much gusto.

"…Thank you," she whispered, before raising her tear-stained gaze to look up at everyone else. "Thank you, all of you, for saving me."

Sanji instantly snapped out of his anger towards me as a heart replaced his eye, while Luffy grinned his usual grin and shot her a thumbs-up. Most everyone else just smiled, several with wet eyes. Boss, in particular, was wiping a tear away.

"Ah, what a glorious moment…" he sighed rapturously. "I just wish my boys could be here, too,"

SPLASH!

"YOU CALLED?"

All attention snapped to the edge of the boat, where the TDWS was perched on the railing and leaping down onto the deck. Boss was quick to snap over to them and wrap them all up in a shell-breaking hug, gushing over a Man's… something or other; I myself was a bit too busy trying to figure out how the goat they had gotten there to pay attention to the specifics.

"…But… you… and… how the hell—?" I sputtered weakly.

"Sea turtles, mate," Soundbite rasped deeply.

"…Right. Sea turtles," I nodded in agreement.

"Indeed, Sea Turtles are quite the hearty creatures!" Kokoro cackled as she knocked back a bottle she'd pulled from somewhere.

"How the heck do you think I made it back to Water 7 after I fixed myself, huh?" Franky laughed confidently.

"Personally? I always thought that you were just too stupid to drown, Flunky."

"STICK A LATHE IN IT, ICE-FOR—hurk!?" Franky choked on his own words as he spun on his heels. "ICE-FOR-BRAINS?!"

The Mayor of Water 7 smirked from atop his vessel, which had somehow crept up on us as he mock-saluted his old friend. "Miss me, you metal meat-head?"

Franky blinked stupidly for a second before cackling uproariously. "Not on your life, you limp-wristed walking cooler!"

"OK, that's just hypocritical," Mikey pointed out with a bark of laughter.

I chuckled as the back-and-forth went on, watching as everyone onboard gathered to—

Wait a second. Everyone? No, that wasn't right, we were missing—?

A slight sound just brushed against my inner ear, drawing my attention. "The heck…?" I muttered before glancing at Soundbite. "Did you—?"

"Uhh…" Soundbite's eyestalks started to swivel around…

'…ngh…'

When the sound came again and caught both of our attentions, and with directionality to boot.

I immediately started creeping towards the mast, where the noise was coming from, because… well, who wouldn't look when they heard the sound of whimpering just on the edge of their hearing?

Slowly and with no small amount of trepidation, I peered my head around the edge of the mast… and my heart nearly stopped at what I saw.

Merry's Klabautermann, her transparent body flickering like a bad hologram, was curled up against the mast and shaking with what could be nothing else but excruciating agony as she clutched at her midsection. When she noticed me standing there and staring at her with tangible horror, she turned a rictus smile up at me and forced out a pained chuckle. "S-So Idiotb-burg is here, huh? T-that's good, 'c-cause…" Her smile widened with tar-black humor as she raised a hand from her stomach.

I only just managed to keep from falling to my knees as I saw that it was covered in blood.

"It looks like…" she smiled through her tears. "It's finally time for me… to give up the ghost. Sorry, Cross…"

And just like that, she was gone.

Soundbite hissed in a horrified gasp. "CROSS—!"

"HER HEAD!" I roared at the top of my lungs, pumping as much desperation into my voice as I possibly could. "GRAB MERRY'S HEAD, NOW!"

It was a testament to just how much everyone trusted me that no one questioned me, with Luffy, Vivi, Boss, and Franky shooting their limbs and weapons at Merry's head and grabbing on for dear life the instant I screamed.

And not a moment too soon either, because almost a second later, a chorus of SNAPS! rang out, and what had to be a dozen of Merry's deck planks splintered and tore. It was only via hasty support from the rest of our crew that Merry's saviors weren't dragged off their feet.

In the end, Merry stayed whole… but the highly audible chorus of groans that were starting to sound out across the ship didn't inspire even a fraction of confidence.

"MERRY!" Usopp wailed frantically.

"Oh, no, ship-girl!" Chimney gasped in horror.

"Oh, no, oh, no!" Gonbe parroted, looking just as horrified.

"What-What happened?" Nami demanded incredulously. "Sh-She was doing fine the whole way through Enies—"

"She was faking," Franky groaned as he tried to maintain his stable stance. "Damn, shoulda seen this coming. It's no big surprise that Iceburg was able to put her into good enough shape to make it to another island. But not even Tom himself could have made her seaworthy for more than half a day with this much damage."

Iceburg shook his head with a heavy sigh. "I warned her, but… she insisted, and I only thought it just to satisfy her final wishes. I'm… sorry, Straw Hats, but it's time for you to say your goodbyes. I've already—"

"WAIT!"

Everyone turned to look at the person who'd shouted.

Turned to look at me.

"Iceburg, please," I pleaded as I spread my arms desperately. "Y-You've got Galley-La with you, right? Then please, fix her up. Just one more time. Make her look at her absolute best just one more time."

Iceburg gave me a sad look. "Cross, I've already done all I can, there's nothing more—"

"LET HER FIGHT, DAMN IT!" I cut him off as I shouted furiously.

"C-Cross…" Usopp said hesitantly.

I huffed as I got some air back in my lungs before continuing. "All this time, we've been saying that we've won our fight, that we've beaten the world…" I said before shaking my head with a scowl. "But that's a lie! We're not done fighting, we still have one last comrade who needs our help! Merry…" My fists clenched at my sides as I stared downwards. "Merry gave her everything to try and help us, to save our lives! And she's still fighting, even now, still fighting to stay alive…" I sucked in a deep gasp before shouting again. "AND I CAN GIVE HER THE CHANCE SHE NEEDS TO WIN!"

That caught everyone off guard.

"Wait, what!?" Kokoro hacked in shock as she coughed up a mouthful of her drink.

"Are you serious!?" Usopp demanded.

"Really, Cross?!" Luffy grinned happily.

I shook my head firmly. "It's a hell of a long shot, not a guarantee, a gamble at its utmost best… but damn it all, look around!" I cast my arm out at my crewmates. "We've been hitting on all sixes all day, what's one more all-or-nothing throw!? One last shot, one last chance! But!" I glared Iceburg dead in the eyes, tears streaming down my face as I started to rapidly lose control. "For Merry to keep fighting, for her to have that shot… she needs, needs to be in one piece. You're the only one who can do it, Iceburg! Only you can save her life! So… so that's why…"

I collapsed to my knees and rammed my brow into the floorboards, bowing my head as low as it would go.

"I'M BEGGING YOU!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "I'M BEGGING YOU WITH EVERY LAST FIBER OF MY BEING, WITH EVERYTHING THAT I'VE GOT, TO PLEASE, PLEASE HELP US! GIVE MERRY A CHANCE! GIVE MERRY ONE LAST CHANCE TO FIGHT ON! GIVE HER THE CHANCE TO LIVE!"

Not a single second later, I heard several other thumps around me, my crewmates to a man, woman, and beast mirroring my actions. I waited…

"Galley-La," Iceburg said firmly. "All hands on deck. We have work to do."

I looked up in time to see Iceburg's gaze turn to our future shipwright. "I…" I snorted a goodly amount of snot back into my nostril. "I-I can count on you to help too, right, Franky?"

Franky grinned wryly. "Not a chance in hell that I wouldn't, Cross. COME ON, CHUMPS!" the cyborg slammed into his trademark pose eagerly. "LET ME SHOW YOU HOW A REAL SHIPWRIGHT GETS BUSINESS DONE!"

And with that, the best and brightest of Water 7 sprang to work.

-o-

It was touch and go for a while there, but five minutes later the rest of the crew and I were standing in a longboat floating a few feet in front of Merry. We had spared enough time onboard Iceburg's ship to drop off our weapons, naturally excluding Lassoo and equally naturally excluding Zoro's swords, and Kokoro and her family had stayed there while we got back to a closer level with Merry.

Credit where it was due, Galley-La weren't called the best for shits and giggles. Seriously, repairing a ship that thoroughly in the middle of the freaking ocean? And watching Iceburg work, alongside Franky at that? It was just… damn. Just damn.

But anyways, in no time at all the deed was done and Merry was floating before us in one piece… though the sheer number of planks, over her hull, however immaculately arranged, belied just how desperate the situation was.

"She's in as good a position as we can manage," Iceburg informed us solemnly from his boat as he wiped the pitch from his hands. "But it won't last; every wave that hits is tearing her apart at the nails. As it is, I'll be surprised if she lasts the hour."

"Merry…" Usopp and Chopper sobbed for our crippled companion.

"Normally, I'd say something witty about now," Franky grunted as he pulled himself into the boat. "But honestly? Iceburg's being nice. You've got half that, max. Whatever you've got planned, Cross, it better be damn good."

I grit my teeth as I cracked my neck side to side in preparation. "Then I guess it's appropriate that what I'm about to pull is what can only be described as our last resort."

"Cross, are you seriously going to—" Boss cut himself off with a glance at the bag at my side, then started again. "Are you seriously going to accept?!" Boss demanded.

I turned to him with a dry look. "Up until now, I may have thought that it wasn't worth it. But faced with the reality that it's either that or watching her die? Would you consider it worth it?"

The four who knew stared at me, but I shook my head. "But… don't worry, because that's not what I'm talking about. I've got one more trick up my sleeve before I resign myself to…" I shuddered heavily. "That. If it doesn't work, then I'll do it, but…" I allowed a slight smile to cross my face. "Considering what it is…"

"Did I miss something?" Robin asked.

Boss shook his head with a shrug. "Beats me. He said… something about having a way to save Merry in the tower, but he got attacked by a pigeon before he could say more."

"…It's a fine day in the Grand Line when I can hear a sentence like that and not question how much it makes sense," Franky shook his head.

I was silent for a moment before turning to face everyone. "Riddle me this, everyone: how many members were there in CP9? Ah!" I hastily cut off anyone's incredulous protests with a raised hand. "My nerves are running a mile an hour and talking is the only way I keep calm. Humor me."

Nami exhaled heavily, obviously counting down under her breath before ticking off her fingers. "If you're counting Spandam, his sword, and the pigeon? Ten all told."

I allowed a content smirk to quirk my lips as I held up a single finger. "Try… eleven."

That drew her up short. "What!? But, wait—!" Nami hastily started counting down on her fingers again.

"If we do indeed count Spandam and Funkfreed amongst the Pol's ranks," I cut her off with a chuckle. "Then before this all started, there were five of them waiting for us on Enies, in the Tower of Justice… and six escorting Robin in the Puffing Tom."

"Uh, hold on, gimme a second," Su muttered as she balanced on her hind legs and started counting down on her forepaw's toes. "Lucci, Hattori, Kaku, Kalifa, Blueno… that's only five!" she looked up in confusion. "Who's number six?"

I smirked as I held up a hand and started raising fingers. "Lucci, Hattori, Kaku, Kalifa, Blueno…" I then held up my other hand and popped my index finger. "And Nero."

Everyone on the crew was confused… except for our cook, who only just managed to keep from sucking down his cigarette.

"The sea-weasel?" he coughed in confusion. "But-But he was a weakling! He didn't even know all of the Six Powers! He was nowhere near even Blueno, and that bull was one of the weakest!"

"He was rushed through, yeah," I chuckled in agreement. "But he was a member of Cipher Pol No. 9! And that's important… because of the last assignment that Jabra, Fukuro and Kumadori pulled off a week ago." I spread my arms as I explained. "It was known as Operation Famine, the destruction of an ocean-spanning smuggling ring. The agents proper took out the big fishes controlling the thing, while the normal soldiers confiscated the goods."

"How is any of this relevant, Cross?" Zoro demanded impatiently.

"It's relevant…" I all but giggled hysterically as I dug out the small chest I'd been carrying the whole time from my bag and held it in my palm. "Because to save Merry, we need to beat the world. To beat this situation, we need to reject the laws of physics. We need to break reality itself. And the only way we can do that…" I flipped open the chest's latch. "Is to make use of just what the ring specialized at dealing in."

And with that, I cracked the lid of the miniature chest open… and everyone gasped and reeled in nothing short of utter shock as I displayed the sole content of the padded interior.

A peach, colored ink, and emblazoned with a twisted and glossy stem and swirl pattern that streamed along it. Even now, my second time looking at it, I couldn't help but try and trace the design with my eyes, but… it was useless. Every time I tried, my eyes just… slid off it, and the patterns seemed to shift and roil before me.

Devil Fruits… what a truly appropriate appellation.

"That's a…" Franky breathed.

"Yup…" I nodded with a somewhat mad grin. "The ring was smuggling them and selling them to the highest bidder, and when CP9 busted them, Spandam kept three of them for his unpowered oversea operatives." I giggled under my breath as I held up a pair of fingers. "Kaku and Kalifa got the Ox-Ox Fruit, Model: Giraffe and the Bubble-Bubble Fruit, respectively, but Nero? Nero never made it, so this was leftover, hidden away until Spandam could think of another use for it."

I tapped the chest's lid a bit frantically. "This. This is how we're going to save Merry, right here."

While a few of our number, such as Luffy, Chopper, and Mikey, were still stuck in 'awestruck' mode, more than half of our crew couldn't help but exchange uneasy glances.

"…Cross, what exactly are you planning?" Robin finally brought herself to ask.

I responded by glancing over my shoulder at Merry. "The entire reason things have escalated this far is that as a ship, Merry can't heal her wounds. Every little injury she gets is permanent. But what if she could heal them? What if she could live, breathe, and heal like any other biological entity on the seas…" I slowly turned my maddened grin on Lassoo. "All while still technically an object."

Lassoo's jaw led everyone else's in dropping. "You crazy son of a bitch."

"No, that would be you!" I giggled hysterically.

"Cross, do you even hear what you're suggesting!?" Vivi demanded. "The odds of this working—!"

"Are at their most basic one-in-three!" I snapped back. "Paramecia, Logia, and Zoan! If it's a Zoan type, then irrelevant of what it is, she can heal, she can live!"

"But—!" she started again.

"But nothing!" I cut her off heatedly. "Damn it, don't you get it yet?! This is our last shot! I—!" I cut myself off with a ragged gasp, my emotions slipping past my frustration, forcing me to slow down as I tried to stay under control. "I… I realize that it's a long shot, damn it… that… that the odds are stupidly against us… but…"

Tears fell from my cheeks to the deck of the boat, and it took all I had to keep from utterly breaking down.

"But…" I whispered through my tears. "But… I… I promised her, damn it… I promised her that I would find a way for her to stay with us. That I would save her. And—!" I snapped my watery gaze up at Vivi. "I-I realize that it was a stupid promise, I do, b-but the fact is that I made it! And if I… if I can't keep a promise I made… if I don't fight tooth and nail to keep a promise I made to a friend…" I bowed my head miserably. "Then… then I don't deserve… to call myself a Straw Hat…"

Everyone digested that for a few seconds. Then Luffy spoke up. "How do we feed her, Cross?"

I took a second to get my nerves back under control before opening my mouth to respond… and for once in my time here on the Grand Line… nothing came out. I… was at a loss for words.

But before any of that could really hit me…

"If I… eat that…"

My thoughts were slammed to a dead halt by a voice whispering behind me, prompting me to spin around in shock.

Merry was right there, her midsection bloodied and her form flickering and barely even visible… but she was there.

"If I… eat that fruit…" She whispered, her voice little more than a breeze. "Then I… can stay with you all?"

"I-I…" I hesitated slightly, the sheer gravity of the moment finally giving me some measure of trepidation. "M-Maybe, but Merry, you have to know, it's beyond risky and—!"

Before I could say anything further, Merry's hand shot out, snatched the fruit, and stuffed it in her mouth, bulging her cheeks out as she chewed.

I blinked stupidly as I tried to process what the fuck had just happened. "Wha—?"

Soon enough Merry swallowed the mouthful and started speaking frantically. "I-I'm so sorry about that Cross, I know that it was stupid and risky and all that but I just—!" she suddenly cut herself off, what little of her complexion was visible turning a furious ashen color.

"Merry?" I leaned in worriedly. "Merry, what's wrong?! Please, Merry, talk to—!"

"SWEET MOTHER OF ALL LEAKY-KEELED MARINE ROWBOATS, THAT THING TASTED LIKE SEA KING DICKBALLS!" Merry suddenly howled skywards as she stuck her tongue out.

"…eh?" I blinked in shock.

"Crude… but accurate, I would say," Robin shuddered with a grimace.

"Ditto," Luffy, Chopper, Soundbite, and Lassoo all concurred.

"…The rumor about Klabautermanns cursing like sailors is true? God bless this day," Iceburg breathed upwards.

Once I finally got my wits about me, I fell back on my one true failsafe. "And… you know what that would taste like how, exactly?" That is to say, snark.

"OH, SCREW—! HURK!"

Before any of us could react, Merry suddenly doubled over and staggered backward, swaying drunkenly on her feet.

"Merry! What's wrong!?" Usopp asked frantically.

"Ah… I, ah…" Merry shook her head blearily. "Guys? I… I don't… I don't feel so…"

And with that, she keeled over the side of the longboat… at the same time that her bigger half suddenly vanished, causing all of the seawater around where it had been to rush to fill in the void that was suddenly left gaping in the water. The sudden movement caught us all off guard and even threw a few of us off our feet… but through all the confusion, one thing stuck out to me.

A small patch of darkness in the water… that was growing smaller every moment.

"MERRY!" I roared, sparing just enough time to toss my jacket and partner at Luffy before diving into the water and swimming harder than I'd ever swam before.

It burned my scars like hell, sweet hell did it burn, and my lack of goggles meant that I couldn't see worth shit either… but I was somehow able to catch up to the form below me and grab an appendage before they sank too deep. I then pulled them to me and reversed course… or tried to at least. Surprise, surprise, 'Hammers' wasn't a two-bit nickname. Rather, it was exactly what they weighed like underwater.

For a second I struggled in vain to carry my load's weight… but before I could start to panic, I suddenly found a hand right there in front of my face.

I grabbed it, it grabbed me… and one rush of seawater later Luffy reeled us both back onto the longboat, the momentum nearly capsizing us wholesale as we slammed back onboard.

I gasped and spat as I tried to clear my senses of seawater, twisting my head around frantically once I could in search of whom I'd grabbed. "M-Merry? Merry, where are you!?"

"Urk… agh… h-here, Cross…"

I blinked in confusion as a voice sounded out just below my head. And when I looked down, it became clear why: she was sitting squarely on my chest.

The figure that I knew was Merry was a girl the size of her Klabautermann, no taller than four feet. Her skin was peach-colored, her hair was a soft mane of white with a couple of curly brown tufts circling above her ears, reminiscent of ram horns, and—I sent a silent message of gratitude to Oda for his grace where Devil Fruits and clothing were concerned—she was wearing an orange raincoat, gray leggings, and had a metal choker latched around her neck and matching anklets around her… well, you know.

"Merry… you're… human?" Usopp breathed in awe.

"But… but how?" Chopper squawked in shock. "I ate the Human-Human Fruit!"

"The same way that Chaka and Lassoo have the same fruits, and that Sengoku is a Buddha-Human…" Vivi whispered. "Same fruit… different Models. Going by her size… I-I think that Merry just ate the Human-Human Fruit, Model: Child!"

As that bit of reasoning finished, I took the chance to sit up, and Merry scrambled off of me as I pinned her with a look."Merry, as good as the results here are, can I just point out that you ate a Devil Fruit while you were standing on the ocean?" I rushed my words forward as tears started to appear in her eyes, because I just had to get this point made. "I don't think there's a better epitome of 'reckless' in this world, and that's me speaking! What the hell were you thinking!? Did you even consider for a second the danger you were in?! That you could have—!?"

"I DIDN'T CARE!"

I choked myself off as Merry suddenly screamed at the top of her lungs. Seeing Merry standing there, shaking on her feet and sobbing as tears streamed down her face, it was…

"Merry…" I breathed.

"I DIDN'T CARE!" she continued. "AND I DON'T CARE NOW! I DON'T CARE THAT I COULD HAVE DIED, I DON'T CARE THAT I CAN'T SWIM ANYMORE, I DON'T CARE THAT…" she choked heavily on her words. "T-THAT I CAN'T CARRY YOU GUYS ANYMORE! I-I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THAT! B-BECAUSE…!"

She threw her head back and screamed. "BECAUSE ALL I CARE ABOUT IS YOU! ALL OF YOU! ALL I CARE ABOUT IS STAYING WITH YOU ALL! I-I DON'T CARE IF I NEVER GET TO SEE THE NEW WORLD, I DON'T CARE IF I NEVER GET TO SEE RAFTEL, BECAUSE EVEN IF I DID…"

Merry flung herself forwards and buried her sobbing in my chest. "IT WOULD MEAN NOTHING!" she wept. "WITHOUT YOU! I-I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA! I-I DON'T WANT TO DIE! A-AND MOST OF ALL, I DON'T WANT TO BE LEFT BEHIND! S-SO PLEASE, PLEASE!"

She raised her head and stared at us all with absolute desperation. "LET ME STAY WITH YOU! LET ME COME WITH YOU, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY! LET ME SEE ANOTHER SUNRISE AS A PART OF THIS CREW! LET ME STAY A STRAW HAT!"

As Merry's tirade trailed off into sobs, I slowly turned my eyes towards my captain. The look he gave me didn't surprise me in the least. And that didn't make it any less joy-inducing when he nodded firmly.

As such, it was with the utmost delight that I threw my arms around Merry and hugged her tight. "AS IF WE WOULD EVER EVEN CONSIDER SAYING NO!" I yelled happily.

That was all the signal everyone needed to roar with joy and do what was perfectly natural: celebrate.

"MERRY!" Usopp, Luffy, and Chopper cried joyfully, all practically bowling us both over as they grabbed us in the mother of all bearhugs.

"WE DID IT!" Nami squealed as she grabbed the nearest person she could in a hug. Due to said person being Sanji, he had nothing to say on the matter. Vivi was mirroring the action with Carue… though given how she'd grabbed his neck rather than his chest, he was more frantic than happy.

"YOU GUYS ARE SO TOTALLY NUTS!" Franky sobbed dramatically as he tried and failed to hide his sobbing in a pose.

"WOOOOO! WOOOOO!" Lassoo howled triumphantly towards the sky.

"Can you believe it, Su?!" Conis giggled ecstatically as she spun her pet around. "We did it! She's alive! She's alive!"

"That's great, Conis, but I'm getting kinda—!"

"SHE'S ALIVE!"

"AAAAGH!" Su screamed and flailed in terror when Conis suddenly flung her upwards with a euphoric laugh.

"To snatch a dearest comrade who we all thought was doomed from the very jaws of death themselves…" Boss shook his head with a wide grin. "Oh, there's only one definition for this!" He leapt skywards and punched the air. "SAY IT WITH ME, BOYS!"

"IT'S A MAN'S ROMANCE!" all five dugongs chorused as the TDWS followed their mentor.

"And I thought that this day couldn't become any more wonderful," Robin whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks as she stood only just off to the side. "I have never been more grateful for the impossibility of these seas. Of this insane, beautiful crew."

Zoro stood similarly off to the side, and though he didn't say anything, he was making no attempt to hide his smile.

"They did it, they did it!" Gonbe and Chimney sang as they danced around hand-in-paw.

"You think we've finally seen the extent of their madness?" Iceburg asked Kokoro wistfully.

"Personally?" Kokoro cackled as she tapped out the last few drops of her bottle with a smirk. "I think… that they're just getting started."

The mayor's smile widened as he looked back at us. "…good."

And then, as if that all weren't good enough… I felt it.

A single, single point of cold, right on the tip of my nose.

I stared upwards… and sucked in a breath when I realized that it was snowing.

It was snowing… it was snowing…

"We won…" I sobbed beneath my breath before raising my voice to roar for all to hear. "YOU HEAR THAT? WE WON! IN THE FINAL COUNT OF THE STRAW HAT PIRATES AGAINST THE WORLD ITSELF, AGAINST REALITY ITSELF! WE! HAVE! WOOOOOOON!"

And so ended the epic saga of Enies Lobby, beneath a snowy sky as we the Straw Hat Pirates cried our hearts out.

As we cried rapturous tears of pure, undiluted joy.