Omake: Meanwhile…

Cross-Brain AN: We intended to put these sections in the last chapter, following the revelation of Luffy's father. They went on too long for that purpose, but were too good to discard, so we made an omake out of them. Let this tide you over, therefore, until we release 44. And just as a note: this is canon.

"Folks, you heard it here, proof positive. Vice Admiral Monkey D. Garp, Hero of the Marines, the man reputed for being one of Gold Roger's most formidable rivals, has done the impossible: he's actually managed to prove himself stupider than Luffy."

"Fufufufu," Donquixote Doflamingo chuckled as he strode down the hall of his palace, listening to the SBS on the snail he was carrying as he strode towards his throneroom. "That little revelation was valuable in and of itself, but this? Ahhh, this is just priceless. Going so far as to insult Garp the Hero when he's right next to him; Jeremiah Cross has reached either the height of stupidity or the height of bravery, and for the life of me I can't tell which! FUFUFUFU!"

"A-a-a-a very a-astute observation, Young Master! V-Very astute indeed!" Trebol, holder of the Seat of Clubs, nodded with ill-hidden franticness as he followed closely behind the rightly-named 'Prince of Evil'. Very closely. "M-M-Mayhaps you'd prefer to discuss it somewhere more p-p-private? Such as, ah… ah, your study! Y-Yes, your study w-w-would be an absolutely perfect place to l-l-listen to the SBS!"

"A-A-Agreed!" Diamante, holder of the Seat of Diamonds, concurred with an equal amount of desperation, ringing his hands pleadingly as he matched pace with fellow executive. He was looming almost as much as Trebol in the process. "O-O-Or, w-we could listen in the a-armory! I-I-I have a number of capes that I would like to hear your o-opinion on, y-young master!"

Doflamingo's smile widened even as his pace failed to falter. "You threw a rager in the throne room while I was away once Diamante got back, and Pica's currently cleaning up the mess while you two try and stall me, isn't he?"

The Executives paled in horror as the blood drained from their faces. "Ah…" they chorused dumbly.

"Fufufufu, don't worry about it," the Warlord chuckled, waving his hand dismissively as the trio reached the doors to the throne room. "Normally I'd have all three of you scrubbing the arena from top to bottom by hand, but at the moment I'm both too entertained and too exhausted from two days of trying to keep Big Mom and Kaidou from sinking a few islands to be bothered. To summarize."

Trebol and Diamante panicked when he started to reach for the doors. "Young master, wait—!"

Doflamingo ignored them and pushed the doors open. "I really just can't be both—!"

And then Donquixote Doflamingo, AKA the Heavenly Demon and 'Joker' froze, his almost ever-present smile freezing in place.

He stood still for a second before slowly shutting the doors to his throne room, before slowly reopening them.

Trebol and Diamante stiffened in terror when, after shutting them a second time, Doflamingo's smile started to twitch.

"Trebol…" he grit out venomously, inane amounts of pure rage reverberating in his voice and crushing the pair's souls. "Diamante… Would the two of you mind telling me…"

Doflamingo suddenly lashed his foot out, kicking the doors inwards.

"WHAT THE HELL ONE OF THE FOUR GODDAMN EMPERORS IS DOING IN MY CASTLE!?" he roared irately.

The Emperor in question blinked at the Warlord in surprise before smiling and waving pleasantly. "Oh, hey there, Doflamingo!" Red-Haired Shanks greeted cordially. "Sorry for our intruding like this, it was an accident on our part. We'll just gather our belongings and be on our way! Now…" Shanks frowned as he idly scratched at his boxers. "Where the hell are my pants?"

"Over here, Boss!" Lucky Roux called from a corner of the room, waving from where he was seated in front of a bonfire. "Sorry, but I kinda used them to light the barbeque! Don't worry, though, it'll be worth it! I know a great recipe for Fried Fighting Fish! Now all we need are the ingredients!" The rotund pirate glanced around in confusion. "Speaking of which, where is that old gee—?"

SMASH!

"Did someone say G?!" Lao G called out as he kicked his way up through the floor.

"Never mind!"

"Also, I have returned!" the ancient martial-artist snorted proudly. "In addition, I bring fighting fish for us to feast upon!" With a single heave, the old man hefted a large skewer into the room, upon which a trio of fighting fish were impaled.

Or rather… two fighting fish were impaled, and a half was tied to it.

"YOU DAMN SENILE COOT!" Dellinger roared furiously as he struggled against the chains tying him to the spit. "I'M NOT A FIGHTING FISH, I'M HALF FIGHTING FISH-MAN! LET ME GO ALREADY!"

"Hm?" Lao G paused for a second before fishing out a pair of glasses from his jumpsuit and holding them to his eyes as he peered up at the spit. "Hmmmm… how odd. One of these fish almost looks like Dellinger."

"ARE YOU—!? Oh, right… SONNUVA—! DAMN IT BUFFALO, HURRY THE HELL UP AND UNTIE ME! THESE BASTARDS ARE GOING TO FRY ME ALIVE!"

"HAHAHAHA!" a boisterous voice cackled through the hole in the floor. "THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO STEAL MY ICE CREAM! HAHAHAHA!"

"GRAAAAAGH!"

Doflamingo's eyebrow twitched viciously as he observed the madness before him, his mind trying and failing to process just what the hell was going on. He slowly turned his head to glare daggers at the yet-petrified Executives behind him. "What. Happened."

"Ah, sorry, this was actually our fault."

The Warlord snapped his head around to glare at another familiar face. "Benn Beckman. Explain."

The first mate of the Red-Haired Pirates sighed wearily as he scratched the back of his head. "Well, you see, what with the fact that our captain has something of an investment with the Straw Hats, hearing them set a new threshold for insanity in Paradise was a cause for celebration. So, we decided to throw a party—!"

"Or 'start a rampage', as the World Government likes to call it," Yasopp air quoted from where he and a snoring Machvise were hanging from the chandelier by their whitey-tighties.

"Yeah, what he said," Benn nodded up at him. "Anyways, we started a rampage, both to celebrate and to draw some heat from Luffy, and well… seeing as our parties can get pretty crazy, we wound up on your island. Sorry 'bout the city, by the way."

That actually brought Doflamingo up short for a moment. "The city? What about the—?"

He was cut off by the minute tell-tale warping sound of Pica surfacing from the floor behind him.

"Pst! Trebol! Diamante!" the holder of the Spades Seat hissed. "I managed to hide just how wrecked the city is from the young master, and I should be finished with repairing all the damage to the rest of the city in a few hours! Just distract him until then and—GRK!" Pica squeaked off when he finally noticed Doflamingo glaring at him over his shoulder. "A-A-Ah… w-w-welcome back, y-young master?"

Doflamingo held the glare for another second before turning his scathing look back on Beckman. "As for you," he hissed frigidly. "The Straw Hats finished levelling Enies Lobby two days ago."

Benn blinked in surprise. "Seriously? Huh, well isn't that something." The infamous first mate turned and shouted over his shoulder. "Hey Captain, forty-eight hours this time!"

"Woo!" Shanks shot his fist up victoriously. "New record! Let's party!"

Doflamingo's smile was in immense danger of falling into a scowl as he took note of much of his family's voices cheering alongside the rest of the Red-Haired Pirates. "Where. Are. The others?"

"Er… w-well," DIamante glanced to the side nervously. "Besides the ones who are here, Monet is down in the toy factory with Sugar—"

"Maintaining her guard and keeping production going?" Doflamingo growled menacingly.

"…helping her suffer through her prepubescent body not handling ingesting half her bodyweight in alcohol well?" The lord of the colosseum shrank back in terror as the vein on the Warlord's head audibly popped.

"Uh, besides that," Trebol started hastily ticking down his fingers. "The Red-Hairs tied Gladius and Jora to the roof after their powers caused too much trouble for everyone else, Senor Pink is skinny-dipping… somewhere in the castle, we've been trying to catch up with him, last I saw of Baby Five she was using her own fingers to play stabscotch, and Violet is… shall we say, 'keeping the peace' in the colosseum."

Doflamingo slowly turned his glare on the keeper of the Club Throne. "Is she now."

"Er…" Trebol literally shrank in on himself as his body started to run. "Maybe she said something about a family reunion?"

Doflamingo slowly and methodically snorted as he forced himself to stay calm. "If that's everything—!"

The Executives started to sigh in relief… before snapping ramrod straight in terror as a familiar form rounded the corner. "I'm back with the Wano Rice Wine, but I forgot my sword while I was there."

"You're not a swordsman," the Executives intoned reflexively, before wincing as that only caused Doflamingo to tense further.

Vice Admiral Vergo took one look at the party assembled before him before spinning on his heel and marching right out without a further word.

The very air around Doflamingo seemed to shiver as he vibrated in place, and the Executives nearly fainted when they noticed the walls starting to literally come undone at the seams. "RED-HAIRED SHANKS. TAKE. YOUR MANGY CREW. AND GET. THE HELL. OUT OF MY DAMN—!"

"Ergh… well, hell, if it's already out in the open like this… bah, at least there's nothing stopping me from being proud of my captain being the son of one of the greatest heroes in the world!"

The room fell silent.

"…The height of stupidity, I think is the answer you were looking for, Doffy," Diamante whispered at last.

"I think you're right," Doflamingo said, his smile returning. "Now, where was I… oh, right."

Outside, the city-state of Dressrosa was just starting to return to a relative degree of normalcy when a furious voice cracked the air.

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY DAMN KINGDOM!"

-o-

Several minutes later, on another side of the world, while a certain old man and a certain old woman rejoiced over the global humiliation of a certain Vice Admiral, a certain mountain bandit glanced at a certain bartender inquisitively. "Ah, say, Makino? Mind if I ask you a question?"

"Hm?" Makino perked up as she glanced at the bandit. "What is it, Dogra?"

"Eh, it's nothing important, really," the diminutive outlaw waved his hand casually. "I was just wonderin' about how come you're always so calm and chipper around us? I mean, come on!" he spread his arms demonstratively. "We might be remakin' this place into a Luffy-themed dive, but we're still mountain bandits and you're just a bartender in that sleepy village."

Makino thought about the question for a moment before chuckling endearingly. "Heh, I suppose that's as good a question as any, and truth be told the answer is twofold. The first, and more important, reason is that you were the ones who raised Luffy and his brothers. And… well, they're practically family to me."

"Fair point. And the second?"

"Well, several years ago, a large group of bandits came into my bar, made a mess of things and then went on to almost kill someone who I very much consider to be the closest person I have to a son. After that happened, weeell…"

THUNK!

Magra and Dogra paled in horror when, without even missing a beat, Makino drew out a shotgun from beneath the bar and slammed it onto the bartop, smiling angelically all the while.

"I decided that I'd never, ever let something like that happen in my bar ever again." Makino slowly leaned forwards, a shadow passing over her smile. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal, Boss!" the bandits yelped as they instinctively snapped into salutes.

And just like that the shadow was gone and Makino was back to her usual, motherly self. "Glad to hear it. More rum?"

"HAHAHA!" Dadan cackled from across the bar. "Atta girl, Makino! Women's pride, all the way!"

"I knew I should have run off that damn Red-Haired bastard when I had the chance…" Woop Slap bemoaned into his mug. But that lasted all of five seconds before he let himself grin again. "Eh, I'll grouse about that later, I'm too happy hearing Garp getting his to be pissy! Makino, more booze!"

And so the party continued.