A/N- Woo! One review pour moi!

Please keep 'em coming, it is my favourite thing in the world. And please, any suggestions you may have for parodizing (I promise I'll get around to the X-Files, but I've actually never seen them so I'll have to do a bit of research before I can attempt to include that- but I will include it, I promise!).

Chapter Twelve:

It was as if they had stepped into a war zone. Which is somewhat ironic because apparently Middle Earth was at war, and the condition of Middle Earth didn't even come close to resembling the warriness of this war.

There were bombs exploding every which way and cars on fire in the streets. There were earthquakes and people lying dead on the sidewalk. This seemed like it might actually turn out to be a legitimately challenging task. Panty-headed Winston smiled at the prospect of, for the first time in this story, actually doing something productive.

His first thought was to knock on the nearest door and ask what was going on. So he did.

"Hello, ma'am. My name is Winston Smith and this is the fellowship of my wedding ring."

"Oh, hello sir," said a Middle Eastern woman.

"If I may ask," he continued, "what on Middle Earth is going on outside?"

"What is going on outside?" she replied softly in a heavy accent.

"Why, that's what I was asking you!"

"Asking me about what?"

"Oh nevermind!" retorted Winston, pulling the door closed. The ten trooped off to the next house where an elderly fellow with salt-and-pepper hair and a thin mustache answered the door.

"Why, hello there!" said the old man with a grin.

"Hello, good sir. My name is Winston Smith and this is the fellowship of my wedding ring."

"I'm Senator Reines. Pleased to make your acquaintance," he whispered as he held out his hand.

"Senator?" asked Luke. "You mean to tell me that you are a member of the intergalactic Senate?"

"Someone's been watching a little bit too much Star Wars…" replied the Senator with a chuckle. "No, sir! I am a proud member of the United States Senate."

"So do you have any idea what is happening outside?"

"I'm afraid that information is classified," he said, grimly closing the door.

"That just means he doesn't know," said Jack.

"Hmm…" pondered Austin. "There are explosions everywhere, cars on fire, and the Americans have no idea what's going on. This can only mean one of two things: We are either in the middle of the Hajj or the World Cup."

"Don't be silly," retorted Sam. "We're not even in the years that have an A.D. after them; Mohammad (PBUH) hasn't been born yet, and football won't be invented for thousands of years."

"Damn," said Julia. "Well, let's carry on." She approached the next house and knocked on the door. The ten caught a glimpse of a dark man in his mid-twenties wearing a turban.

They heard his muffled voice from inside. "Father, there are many people outside."

"Are they white people?"

"I believe so, mother."

"Ach! They must be politicians. Do not let them in."

The companions exchanged confused looks with each other. "Oh well," said William. "Fourth time's the charm." And he knocked on the fourth door down.

After what seemed like five minutes of a million different locks being undone, a short black man opened the door. "Hello," he said in a very hushed voice. "My name is-"

"No!" screamed Austin. "No time for formalities, baby! Where are we?"

"I cannot tell you that."

"Where are we!"

"That is classified information."

"I have had enough of this! WHERE ARE WE?"

"Damn. I can't stand to be asked the same question three times. I have to answer. You are in Fox's 24. Basically, the plot of this show is everything blows up. And everyone is either a secret super-agent, a Muslim extremist, or a conniving politician. And whenever you talk, you have to act like what you're saying is an extremely important secret that you would die to protect. Here, watch- I'll show you." He looked left and right and up and down a few times, checked the time, did a couple of jumping jacks and a somersault- "To throw the terrorists off," he added- pretended to listen to a message via earpiece, pressed a button on his wall as if he were doing something of importance, and finally said, in a voice that was barely audible, "Pass the salt."

"Oh, I see!" whispered Frodo. "Can I be one of the secret super-agents?"

"I thought you were The Two?" asked Pippin.

"No, I'm the two!" Merry replied crossly.

"I don't know, Mr. Baggins" answered the man who somehow mysteriously knew Frodo's name which miraculously made this little segue more easy to understand now that you know which hobbit he is addressing. "You'll have to clear it with Jack Bauer."

"JACK BAUER?" screamed Frodo, abandoning his 24esqueness. "Oh my god!"

In unison, all the hobbits pulled down their trousers, revealing hot pink boxers with a picture of Keifer Sutherland holding a gun on the back.

"What the…?" began Winston.

"Aye," said Pippin. "All hobbits in the Shire wear Jack Bauer boxers.

"Wiggity wack," followed Sam as the other two nodded.

"Yes, love," continued Jack, "You know, all pirates wear them too." He pulled his pants down to reveal the same hot pink boxers.

"So do we British secret agents!"

"And medieval knights!"

"And jedi!"

Winston and Julia were at a loss for words. "I… uh… well…" started Julia. "You know… they say it… er… takes a real man to wear pink…"

"Like Jack Bauer!" exclaimed their Bauer-boxer-clad comrades.

"Sure…" said Winston.

"Well at least they're not on our head!" retorted William.

"But it's The Cancer!"

"I don't care what it is, baby," Austin replied.

"It looks stupid, love," finished Jack.

"Fine!" yelled Winston as he pulled them off and stuffed them in his fanny pack (which he has had the entire time). "You know, you put them there though."

"Yes, but I thought you'd realise how incredibly ridiculous you looked wearing a thong around on your head and remove it."

"I… uh…. was going to. I was just seeing… um… how long you would… er… not say anything. Pssh, you didn't even last ten minutes. You're the worst player of the…um… panties on my head… er… game… thing… I've ever head of."

"But you have heard of me."

"Oh, let's just get out of here before we get blown up!" said Julia.

"I'm in!"

"Good idea."

"Let's go!"

The only problem is… this time there was no door. It seemed they had just entered another world, and they needed to find a way out.

A/N- I don't care if you liked it, hated it, whatever. Please, please, pleaaasssee leave me a review. Really, it would make me so very happy and would inspire me to write many, many chapters instead of studying for my biology exams I have coming up.

Thank you (for even putting up with 12 chapters of my insanity).

And anyways-

If you don't review me… I will haunt your dreams. You will never sleep from the guilt not your non-review will cast out into the world. All the puppies and bunny rabbits will die.

Please… think of the bunnies!

-lulu