The chap title/song has nothing to do with the chapter. Was just listening to it and wanted to advertise for BLEACH!
CH3: Ikimono Gakari – Hanabi
"Am I desperate?"
"…hm?"
"Am I desperate?"
"What time is it
Kaoru…"
"One."
"Christ, it's
fucking 1 in the morning and you wake me up just to ask if you're
desperate? I don't even understand what you're trying to ask!"
Kaoru laid in bed silently. He didn't feel like pushing his brother
any further.
"…Aw c'mon Kaoru,
you can't get mad at me for yelling at you. It's one in the
morning, how'd you expect me to react?" Kaoru sat up and turned
to look at his brother.
"You're supposed to
be supportive."
"…Fine, fine. Ask
me again."
"Am I desperate?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just answer me."
Hikaru sat in bed thinking. He had no idea what was going on Kaoru's
mind, which was a first.
"Something bothering
you Kaoru?"
"No duh. Would you
answer me now?"
"Heh. Well if you're
gonna be so anal about it I might as well not tell you." Kaoru laid
back in bed and turned his back to his brother.
"…Well if you mean
desperate as in…desperate for sex, then I'd say you're pretty
desperate." No response.
"Don't pretend you
don't know what I mean. I heard the noises you were making in the
shower earlier." Hikaru chuckled to himself. Still no response. He
jumped out of bed silently and crept up behind Kaoru. Still no
response. Out of patience, Hikaru pounced on his brother and started
tickling him…to find out that he was tickling Kaoru's pillow.
"…The hell?"
"Why are you humping
my pillow?" Kaoru asked from behind. "From what I can tell, you
seem like the more desperate one." The two stared at each other…and
burst out laughing.
"Am I desperate?"
"What?"
"Am I desperate?"
"How am I supposed to
know?"
"Tamaki, just answer
me."
"Uhm…yes?"
"And why would you
say that?"
"Because you're
trying to coerce an answer from me?" Kaoru sighed. Tamaki really
was a worthless king after all.
"Am I desperate?"
"MmmMMMmMmMph"
"What?"
"I said that,"
continued Hunny as he swallowed his cake, "I like you the way you
are."
"…That didn't
answer my question."
"But the only reason
you'd ask me that is if you think you're desperate. In which
case, you'd want to change your nature. But I think you're great
the way you are now."
"…But am I
desperate?"
"Right now, you're
being desperate for an answer" laughed Hunny as he swallowed
another piece of cake. "If I said yes, what would you do?" Hunny
asked as he hugged his bunny tightly to his chest.
"Well…I don't
know really."
"If I said no, what
would you do?"
"Well…nothing"
answered Kaoru truthfully.
"You just answered
your own question. If you were really desperate, the right
answer to my two questions would've been 'I'd ask more people'.
But since it doesn't seem like you're going to do that, then
you're not desperate for an answer."
"…Hunny, you don't
understand what I'm…" Kaoru stopped. Hunny had laid down to
take a nap. Waking him up was like asking for death.
"Am I desperate?"
Kaoru asked Haruhi with a straight face.
"No."
"Really?"
"Really."
"…You don't mean
it do you…"
"No. I really mean
'no'. As in 'No, I'm not going to answer your question.'"
"Haruhiii."
"Look Kaoru, I'm
kinda busy right now." She stood up to leave, but Kaoru cut her off
before she could leave. He put both his hands on her shoulder and
made her look straight into his face.
"Haruhi…" he said
as he put on his saddest looking face. Haruhi stopped and sighed.
"Kaoru, it doesn't
matter if you're desperate or not."
"…But am I?"
"Kaoru, even if you
are desperate, it wouldn't stop me from seeing you for who you
are."
"And you see me as…"
"As an individual.
With unique traits that clearly define you from your brother. You're
gentler, calmer, and definitely more responsible." She smiled as
she said the last line.
"…Thanks Haruhi."
But she really wasn't much help either. There was only one person
left to ask…and he really wasn't looking forward to it.
"Am I desperate?"
"…What?"
"Am I desperate?"
"You're
interrupting the biggest speech of my life to ask me that?"
Kyouya definitely wasn't in a good mood. "When I get back I'm
going to cut all your funding" said Kyouya sternly, but
still maintaining his cool.
"Never mind."
Kaoru walked around the
campus. He hadn't seen Mori that entire day and felt somewhat good
about it. Not that he didn't like him. Au contraire(1), it
was exactly that that made him not want to see Mori. It was
exactly that, that made him feel insecure, that made him feel lonely,
that made him feel…desperate. The fact that he liked Mori, and the
fact that Mori would never notice, had burdened his thoughts as of
late. It didn't help that he was getting more and more
desperate…for affection. He opened the door and walked out into the
vast gardens behind the Main Building. This was where he usually went
to collect his thoughts. Suddenly, he felt two arms wrap around his
waist.
"Mo―" but he cut
himself off when he realized who it was.
"Gotcha!" shouted
Hikaru. Kaoru secretly cursed Hikaru at that moment. Hikaru turned
him around and put his hand up to Kaoru's chin and began the
'brotherly love' routine. Seeing a crowd of girls beginning to
gather, Kaoru picked up the routine as well.
"Kaoru…is there
something bothering you?" asked Hikaru in his seductive voice.
"Hikaru…I feel…I
feel lonely lately." The girls started to gather closer. Hikaru
lifted his eyebrow in surprise. This wasn't the routine they had
planned for that day. But Kaoru didn't care. However, Hikaru was
able to improvise.
"Is it because I've
been with Haruhi lately?" asked Hikaru bringing his face closer to
Kaoru's. Kaoru didn't answer and turned his face ever so slightly
for the 'ashamed' look.
"I promise…I
promise I won't ever leave you alone anymore" whispered Hikaru as
he brought their faces into kissing distance. The girls began
screaming and yelling happily now as they swooned back and forth.
"FORBIDDEN LOVE! MOE!
MOE! MOE!"
"Hm…that was a good
idea back there" chuckled Hikaru when they were out of earshot.
"Yeah…" sighed
Kaoru. 'If it only it weren't so true' he thought to himself.
"Well I gotta go do something now. See ya later Hikaru" said
Kaoru without even turning around. Kaoru ran into the building before
Hikaru could say anything. He ran up the stairs and across a few
corridors, turned left and right and made a few roundabouts, trying
to get as hopelessly lost as possible. Even if he felt lonely,
actually being alone was better than being interrogated by
Hikaru. But lo and behold, he had ended up in front of the Kendo room
again.
"Kuso…" muttered
Kaoru under his breath. He slipped by the room as quickly as possible
and began to run as fast as possible. Just as he was about to get out
of the corridor, arms wrapped around his stomach and held him fast.
'Damn Hikaru…'
"How'd you find me
so fast?" asked a bewildered Kaoru. Hikaru didn't answer. Kaoru
turned around only to find himself face to face with, or face to
chest with…Mori.
"…You would've
slipped again…" said Mori pointing to the banana peel centimeters
away from where Kaoru's foot had landed. For such a prestigious
school, their janitors really sucked.
"Ah…thank you
Mori-sempai" laughed Kaoru nervously. Of all the things that could
happen that day…this just had to happen. Kaoru
laughed a bit more when Mori didn't release his bear hug on Kaoru.
"…You can let me go
now Mori." Mori didn't answer. Instead, he pulled Kaoru into an
even tighter embrace, lifting Kaoru off the floor.
"…I don't think
you're desperate…" whispered Mori into Kaoru's ear. Kaoru
stopped breathing momentarily.
"…How…" He
tried to ask Mori his question, but he choked on his words. Tears
started to swell up in the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't
understand why. Mori released Kaoru from his hug now and let Kaoru
fall to his feet. But try as he might, Kaoru couldn't keep himself
standing upright and slouched down onto his knees.
"Kaoru? What's
wrong?" asked Mori as he knelt down beside Kaoru.
"…How…how do you
do it?" asked Kaoru, desperately restraining himself from letting
his tears run.
"What's wrong?"
Kaoru noticed that Mori no longer spoke with pauses now.
"…How…how do you
always say and do the right things? And…and at exactly the right
time too?" Mori didn't answer. A teardrop trickled down his left
cheek. His hand instinctively rose to wipe away the tear, but was
stopped by Mori's own hand who brushed away the teardrop.
"…Let's
go…everyone's waiting for us" said Mori as he scooped Kaoru up
in his arms.
"…I don't want to
go to the Host Club today…" sighed Kaoru inbetween heavy breaths.
Getting picked up by Mori made him breathe even harder.
"…So where do you
want to go?"
"…Anywhere…anywhere
you'd be willing to take me." Kaoru noticed that he had begun
adopting Mori's pauses. He looked up to Mori's face and saw a
gentle smile. A gentle smile that seemed lost on a solemn face as
his. As lost as Kaoru felt now. He didn't know what to make
of the situation at hand. He clung onto the front of Mori's shirt
feeling like a vulnerable baby. But he felt safe, cradled in Mori's
arms.
"I don't know what
to do anymore" muttered Kaoru to Mori. He felt a sudden tiredness
come over him. The tiredness one feels when overwhelmed by anxiety or
worry or just, plain sadness.
"You don't have to
do anything…" spoke Mori softly. He squeezed Kaoru even tighter
into his chest as he began walking to God knows where.
Minutes passed by.
Kaoru had closed his eyes in feign of sleep, but in reality he was
thinking of something to say. The silence was getting uncomfortable
once more. He suddenly felt a slight breeze. He opened his eyes and
realized that Mori had taken him to the cherry blossom orchard. Mori
stopped in the far corner, underneath a young cherry blossom. The few
flowers on it were shedding its little petals freely. Mori placed
Kaoru down on the soft grass in the shade of the tree and sat down a
few steps away from him, pulling his knees up to his chest and
wrapping his arms around his knees. Kaoru sat up and tried to make
eye contact with Mori."Sorry for making you
carry me…again. I…don't know what came over me" said
Kaoru nervously. Mori just looked straight ahead. Again, the silence
unsettled Kaoru. But this time, he knew why the silence was so
unsettling. It wasn't the absence of noise that wracked his nerves.
As he sat thinking of Mori, he understood the silence more and more.
The silence that he hated was his own silence. The silence that
stopped him from confessing to Mori. The truth that Kaoru would have
to keep silenced, forever. He looked over to Mori and noticed that
Mori was staring at him. Embarrassed, Mori turned his face away.
Kaoru laughed to himself. He crawled over to Mori and looked him in
the eyes. Mori showed no expression.
"Y'know Mori, you
really should smile more. You look…good when you smile." Mori
didn't respond. "Y'know…when you smile like this!" and
Kaoru put on his biggest and cheesiest smile, causing him to squint
his eyes. In the split second his eyes were closed, he felt his body
taking over once more. The urge…the desire for a kiss wired through
his entire body took control. But his body was interrupted before he
could go into auto-pilot. Mori had drawn him into another embrace…and
into a kiss.
A sudden yet sweet
kiss. A not so long but not so short kiss. But the kiss ended as
abruptly as it began, and Kaoru almost let out a scream of
frustration when Mori pulled his lips away. Mori quickly stood up
without showing Kaoru a glimpse of his face and began walking away
before Kaoru could say anything. Still in a daze, Kaoru didn't
realize that Mori was leaving until he was a few hundred meters away
from him.
"Oye Mori! Wait up!"
yelled Kaoru as he got up into a frantic dash. But Mori didn't slow
down. Instead, he sped up. They ran and ran but there was no way that
Kaoru could catch up to Mori.
"…Wait…" cried
Kaoru. He was crying now. He slumped back down onto his knees and
started to let the tears slowly trickle down his face. He just didn't
understand it. He didn't understand anything anymore. He couldn't
understand anything. And so he sat there, crying his confusion away.
It wasn't until he noticed that a person was standing in front of
him that he bothered to look up. He knew who it was, even before
looking.
"Why'd…why'd
you run away?" asked Kaoru inbetween sobs.
"You asked earlier,
how I always know what to do…" spoke Mori softly. "...But more often than
not…I don't do the right things…just like now." Kaoru could
feel guilt and regret in Mori's voice. Mori picked Kaoru up.
"But…but that felt so right" stuttered Mori. His pauses were
getting longer now. Kaoru looked up into Mori's face. There was no
smile…but the somberness of his face wasn't there either. There
was a certain expression of sadness splayed over his face.
"It's because…that
was right." Kaoru closed his eyes, but before his body could
take over, Mori had taken him over in another kiss, one that was
deeper and longer than before.
And there they stood,
in an infinite forest of cherry blossoms with little petals raining
upon them. It was like a movie scene, thought Kaoru, imagining how
perfect this scene was…until he started to run out air. He tried to
pull away but Mori pulled him into an even deeper kiss.
'Must…not…die…from…first…kiss…' Kaoru started
struggling this way and that, but Mori didn't notice. Finally, he
stuck his tongue into Mori's mouth. Mori's eyes shot open and he
broke the kiss off.
"You…" gasped
Kaoru, "you could've killed me there! BAKA!" yelled Kaoru.
"…Sorry…" said
Mori as he lowered his head in shame. Kaoru started to chuckle.
"You really take
everything so seriously" he joked. His head was still lowered.
"Aw, c'mon Mori.
You know I was just joking…" Still lowered.
"Did you have
natto(2) for breakfast again?"
"…Yes…"
"Have a cinnamon bun
next time. I like the taste of cinnamon." Mori finally looked up.
He was smiling again.
"…How about
strawberries?"
"…That'd be nice
too."
They were walking to
the front gates where they were usually picked up.
"Mori…" started
Kaoru
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to
say―"
"I know."
"You know what I
wanted to say?"
"Yes…besides, some
things are better―"
"…left unsaid"
finished Kaoru. "Especially that saying. That saying, from now on,
is better left unsaid." Mori smiled and gave him a pat on the head
as he headed through the front gates.
TBC
Extra stuff for the extra-ordinary mind:
1) French for "On the contrary"
2) Natto fermented soybeans. Usually served with rice for breakfast. Quite difficult to eat for people who especially sensitive to smell.
That chapter was a bit long. Which means all reviews should be a bit long! so R&R plz, cuz everyone knows reviews are what makes the world go round…for me at least. if youve commented before, feel free to comment again! actually, id like it if u commented again...
