The chap title/song has nothing to do with the chapter. Was just listening to it and wanted to advertise for BLEACH!

CH3: Ikimono Gakari – Hanabi

"Am I desperate?"
"…hm?"
"Am I desperate?"
"What time is it Kaoru…"
"One."
"Christ, it's fucking 1 in the morning and you wake me up just to ask if you're desperate? I don't even understand what you're trying to ask!" Kaoru laid in bed silently. He didn't feel like pushing his brother any further.
"…Aw c'mon Kaoru, you can't get mad at me for yelling at you. It's one in the morning, how'd you expect me to react?" Kaoru sat up and turned to look at his brother.
"You're supposed to be supportive."
"…Fine, fine. Ask me again."
"Am I desperate?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just answer me." Hikaru sat in bed thinking. He had no idea what was going on Kaoru's mind, which was a first.
"Something bothering you Kaoru?"
"No duh. Would you answer me now?"
"Heh. Well if you're gonna be so anal about it I might as well not tell you." Kaoru laid back in bed and turned his back to his brother.
"…Well if you mean desperate as in…desperate for sex, then I'd say you're pretty desperate." No response.
"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean. I heard the noises you were making in the shower earlier." Hikaru chuckled to himself. Still no response. He jumped out of bed silently and crept up behind Kaoru. Still no response. Out of patience, Hikaru pounced on his brother and started tickling him…to find out that he was tickling Kaoru's pillow.
"…The hell?"
"Why are you humping my pillow?" Kaoru asked from behind. "From what I can tell, you seem like the more desperate one." The two stared at each other…and burst out laughing.

"Am I desperate?"
"What?"
"Am I desperate?"
"How am I supposed to know?"
"Tamaki, just answer me."
"Uhm…yes?"
"And why would you say that?"
"Because you're trying to coerce an answer from me?" Kaoru sighed. Tamaki really was a worthless king after all.

"Am I desperate?"
"MmmMMMmMmMph"
"What?"
"I said that," continued Hunny as he swallowed his cake, "I like you the way you are."
"…That didn't answer my question."
"But the only reason you'd ask me that is if you think you're desperate. In which case, you'd want to change your nature. But I think you're great the way you are now."
"…But am I desperate?"
"Right now, you're being desperate for an answer" laughed Hunny as he swallowed another piece of cake. "If I said yes, what would you do?" Hunny asked as he hugged his bunny tightly to his chest.
"Well…I don't know really."
"If I said no, what would you do?"
"Well…nothing" answered Kaoru truthfully.
"You just answered your own question. If you were really desperate, the right answer to my two questions would've been 'I'd ask more people'. But since it doesn't seem like you're going to do that, then you're not desperate for an answer."
"…Hunny, you don't understand what I'm…" Kaoru stopped. Hunny had laid down to take a nap. Waking him up was like asking for death.

"Am I desperate?" Kaoru asked Haruhi with a straight face.
"No."
"Really?"
"Really."
"…You don't mean it do you…"
"No. I really mean 'no'. As in 'No, I'm not going to answer your question.'"
"Haruhiii."
"Look Kaoru, I'm kinda busy right now." She stood up to leave, but Kaoru cut her off before she could leave. He put both his hands on her shoulder and made her look straight into his face.
"Haruhi…" he said as he put on his saddest looking face. Haruhi stopped and sighed.
"Kaoru, it doesn't matter if you're desperate or not."
"…But am I?"
"Kaoru, even if you are desperate, it wouldn't stop me from seeing you for who you are."
"And you see me as…"
"As an individual. With unique traits that clearly define you from your brother. You're gentler, calmer, and definitely more responsible." She smiled as she said the last line.
"…Thanks Haruhi." But she really wasn't much help either. There was only one person left to ask…and he really wasn't looking forward to it.

"Am I desperate?"
"…What?"
"Am I desperate?"
"You're interrupting the biggest speech of my life to ask me that?" Kyouya definitely wasn't in a good mood. "When I get back I'm going to cut all your funding" said Kyouya sternly, but still maintaining his cool.
"Never mind."

Kaoru walked around the campus. He hadn't seen Mori that entire day and felt somewhat good about it. Not that he didn't like him. Au contraire(1), it was exactly that that made him not want to see Mori. It was exactly that, that made him feel insecure, that made him feel lonely, that made him feel…desperate. The fact that he liked Mori, and the fact that Mori would never notice, had burdened his thoughts as of late. It didn't help that he was getting more and more desperate…for affection. He opened the door and walked out into the vast gardens behind the Main Building. This was where he usually went to collect his thoughts. Suddenly, he felt two arms wrap around his waist.
"Mo―" but he cut himself off when he realized who it was.
"Gotcha!" shouted Hikaru. Kaoru secretly cursed Hikaru at that moment. Hikaru turned him around and put his hand up to Kaoru's chin and began the 'brotherly love' routine. Seeing a crowd of girls beginning to gather, Kaoru picked up the routine as well.
"Kaoru…is there something bothering you?" asked Hikaru in his seductive voice.
"Hikaru…I feel…I feel lonely lately." The girls started to gather closer. Hikaru lifted his eyebrow in surprise. This wasn't the routine they had planned for that day. But Kaoru didn't care. However, Hikaru was able to improvise.
"Is it because I've been with Haruhi lately?" asked Hikaru bringing his face closer to Kaoru's. Kaoru didn't answer and turned his face ever so slightly for the 'ashamed' look.
"I promise…I promise I won't ever leave you alone anymore" whispered Hikaru as he brought their faces into kissing distance. The girls began screaming and yelling happily now as they swooned back and forth.
"FORBIDDEN LOVE! MOE! MOE! MOE!"

"Hm…that was a good idea back there" chuckled Hikaru when they were out of earshot.
"Yeah…" sighed Kaoru. 'If it only it weren't so true' he thought to himself. "Well I gotta go do something now. See ya later Hikaru" said Kaoru without even turning around. Kaoru ran into the building before Hikaru could say anything. He ran up the stairs and across a few corridors, turned left and right and made a few roundabouts, trying to get as hopelessly lost as possible. Even if he felt lonely, actually being alone was better than being interrogated by Hikaru. But lo and behold, he had ended up in front of the Kendo room again.
"Kuso…" muttered Kaoru under his breath. He slipped by the room as quickly as possible and began to run as fast as possible. Just as he was about to get out of the corridor, arms wrapped around his stomach and held him fast. 'Damn Hikaru…'
"How'd you find me so fast?" asked a bewildered Kaoru. Hikaru didn't answer. Kaoru turned around only to find himself face to face with, or face to chest with…Mori.
"…You would've slipped again…" said Mori pointing to the banana peel centimeters away from where Kaoru's foot had landed. For such a prestigious school, their janitors really sucked.
"Ah…thank you Mori-sempai" laughed Kaoru nervously. Of all the things that could happen that day…this just had to happen. Kaoru laughed a bit more when Mori didn't release his bear hug on Kaoru.
"…You can let me go now Mori." Mori didn't answer. Instead, he pulled Kaoru into an even tighter embrace, lifting Kaoru off the floor.
"…I don't think you're desperate…" whispered Mori into Kaoru's ear. Kaoru stopped breathing momentarily.
"…How…" He tried to ask Mori his question, but he choked on his words. Tears started to swell up in the corner of his eyes, but he couldn't understand why. Mori released Kaoru from his hug now and let Kaoru fall to his feet. But try as he might, Kaoru couldn't keep himself standing upright and slouched down onto his knees.
"Kaoru? What's wrong?" asked Mori as he knelt down beside Kaoru.
"…How…how do you do it?" asked Kaoru, desperately restraining himself from letting his tears run.
"What's wrong?" Kaoru noticed that Mori no longer spoke with pauses now.
"…How…how do you always say and do the right things? And…and at exactly the right time too?" Mori didn't answer. A teardrop trickled down his left cheek. His hand instinctively rose to wipe away the tear, but was stopped by Mori's own hand who brushed away the teardrop.
"…Let's go…everyone's waiting for us" said Mori as he scooped Kaoru up in his arms.
"…I don't want to go to the Host Club today…" sighed Kaoru inbetween heavy breaths. Getting picked up by Mori made him breathe even harder.
"…So where do you want to go?"
"…Anywhere…anywhere you'd be willing to take me." Kaoru noticed that he had begun adopting Mori's pauses. He looked up to Mori's face and saw a gentle smile. A gentle smile that seemed lost on a solemn face as his. As lost as Kaoru felt now. He didn't know what to make of the situation at hand. He clung onto the front of Mori's shirt feeling like a vulnerable baby. But he felt safe, cradled in Mori's arms.
"I don't know what to do anymore" muttered Kaoru to Mori. He felt a sudden tiredness come over him. The tiredness one feels when overwhelmed by anxiety or worry or just, plain sadness.
"You don't have to do anything…" spoke Mori softly. He squeezed Kaoru even tighter into his chest as he began walking to God knows where.

Minutes passed by. Kaoru had closed his eyes in feign of sleep, but in reality he was thinking of something to say. The silence was getting uncomfortable once more. He suddenly felt a slight breeze. He opened his eyes and realized that Mori had taken him to the cherry blossom orchard. Mori stopped in the far corner, underneath a young cherry blossom. The few flowers on it were shedding its little petals freely. Mori placed Kaoru down on the soft grass in the shade of the tree and sat down a few steps away from him, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees. Kaoru sat up and tried to make eye contact with Mori."Sorry for making you carry me…again. I…don't know what came over me" said Kaoru nervously. Mori just looked straight ahead. Again, the silence unsettled Kaoru. But this time, he knew why the silence was so unsettling. It wasn't the absence of noise that wracked his nerves. As he sat thinking of Mori, he understood the silence more and more. The silence that he hated was his own silence. The silence that stopped him from confessing to Mori. The truth that Kaoru would have to keep silenced, forever. He looked over to Mori and noticed that Mori was staring at him. Embarrassed, Mori turned his face away. Kaoru laughed to himself. He crawled over to Mori and looked him in the eyes. Mori showed no expression.
"Y'know Mori, you really should smile more. You look…good when you smile." Mori didn't respond. "Y'know…when you smile like this!" and Kaoru put on his biggest and cheesiest smile, causing him to squint his eyes. In the split second his eyes were closed, he felt his body taking over once more. The urge…the desire for a kiss wired through his entire body took control. But his body was interrupted before he could go into auto-pilot. Mori had drawn him into another embrace…and into a kiss.
A sudden yet sweet kiss. A not so long but not so short kiss. But the kiss ended as abruptly as it began, and Kaoru almost let out a scream of frustration when Mori pulled his lips away. Mori quickly stood up without showing Kaoru a glimpse of his face and began walking away before Kaoru could say anything. Still in a daze, Kaoru didn't realize that Mori was leaving until he was a few hundred meters away from him.

"Oye Mori! Wait up!" yelled Kaoru as he got up into a frantic dash. But Mori didn't slow down. Instead, he sped up. They ran and ran but there was no way that Kaoru could catch up to Mori.
"…Wait…" cried Kaoru. He was crying now. He slumped back down onto his knees and started to let the tears slowly trickle down his face. He just didn't understand it. He didn't understand anything anymore. He couldn't understand anything. And so he sat there, crying his confusion away. It wasn't until he noticed that a person was standing in front of him that he bothered to look up. He knew who it was, even before looking.
"Why'd…why'd you run away?" asked Kaoru inbetween sobs.
"You asked earlier, how I always know what to do…" spoke Mori softly. "...But more often than not…I don't do the right things…just like now." Kaoru could feel guilt and regret in Mori's voice. Mori picked Kaoru up. "But…but that felt so right" stuttered Mori. His pauses were getting longer now. Kaoru looked up into Mori's face. There was no smile…but the somberness of his face wasn't there either. There was a certain expression of sadness splayed over his face.
"It's because…that was right." Kaoru closed his eyes, but before his body could take over, Mori had taken him over in another kiss, one that was deeper and longer than before.

And there they stood, in an infinite forest of cherry blossoms with little petals raining upon them. It was like a movie scene, thought Kaoru, imagining how perfect this scene was…until he started to run out air. He tried to pull away but Mori pulled him into an even deeper kiss. 'Must…not…die…from…first…kiss…' Kaoru started struggling this way and that, but Mori didn't notice. Finally, he stuck his tongue into Mori's mouth. Mori's eyes shot open and he broke the kiss off.
"You…" gasped Kaoru, "you could've killed me there! BAKA!" yelled Kaoru.
"…Sorry…" said Mori as he lowered his head in shame. Kaoru started to chuckle.
"You really take everything so seriously" he joked. His head was still lowered.
"Aw, c'mon Mori. You know I was just joking…" Still lowered.
"Did you have natto(2) for breakfast again?"
"…Yes…"
"Have a cinnamon bun next time. I like the taste of cinnamon." Mori finally looked up. He was smiling again.
"…How about strawberries?"
"…That'd be nice too."

They were walking to the front gates where they were usually picked up.
"Mori…" started Kaoru
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to say―"
"I know."
"You know what I wanted to say?"
"Yes…besides, some things are better―"
"…left unsaid" finished Kaoru. "Especially that saying. That saying, from now on, is better left unsaid." Mori smiled and gave him a pat on the head as he headed through the front gates.

TBC

Extra stuff for the extra-ordinary mind:

1) French for "On the contrary"

2) Natto fermented soybeans. Usually served with rice for breakfast. Quite difficult to eat for people who especially sensitive to smell.

That chapter was a bit long. Which means all reviews should be a bit long! so R&R plz, cuz everyone knows reviews are what makes the world go round…for me at least. if youve commented before, feel free to comment again! actually, id like it if u commented again...