Author's Note: Sammie Teufel gets the 100th review prize! A Canderous plushie that's in touch with its feminine side...
Juhani:
I had been beaten. So easily, like an insect cast into a maelstrom, I was brought to my knees. She should have killed me, ended my miserable existence.
Instead, I found myself in the plains of Dantooine. The long wisps of dried grass tickled my bare feet as I headed towards the Jedi enclave. I had once called the enclave home. Perhaps, I could call it home again.
But would it feel like I had remembered it? Quatra was dead and I knew what it was like to taste darkness.
The memory of her crumpled form would wake me from my sleep even in the height of my dark power. She was beautiful, even death could not rob the natural luster of her deep olive skin. I was a weakling.
The day I turned from the Light, Quatra had looked exceptionally lovely. Her plain dun Jedi robes had been replaced by a rust red tunic trimmed in deep brown. Quatra's lavishly oiled lekku rested calmly on her shoulders and she seemed to glow with anticipation as she led me into the Dantooine plains.
There had been rumors in the enclave that week that she was planning to accept me as a Knight in the Order and I foolishly was excited by this. People do not just simply become Jedi Knights. There are tests. And sometimes, they fail.
I was no exception. I had expected a show of lightsaber prowess perhaps. Instead, she broke my heart.
Cruel kisses and laughter in an attempt to test the limits of my anger. My rage had been limitless.
It was so easy to embrace the Dark Side. I could have stayed in my grove for an eternity had it not been for that one brave Jedi that sought me out. It only pained me that I couldn't undo the damage that I had unleashed. Regret was a deadly poison.
The Jedi enclave came into view and I quickened my pace. I had to go at that moment or I never would. As soon as my foot grazed the Jedi property, I urged myself to slow down.
There were a few startled gasps from random settlers as I reached the enclave. I probably appeared hideous to them. Grease held my topknot in place, my robe was tattered and soiled, a cut slashed across my knee where I had fallen under the strength of that woman Jedi. Their stares, like parasites, ate at my resolve. I wanted to turn and flee back to the grove.
"Juhani? Is that really you, child?"
I flinched at my own name. I looked over tentatively. Behind the pale blue of Nemo's eyes was nothing but warmth. Compassion. The old Jedi, old friend, took a few hesitant steps towards me.
"I've come home." I whispered. Why did I sound so weak?
"Child, are you alright?" he asked.
I couldn't look at him. I shook my head and buried my face into Nemo's chest. Covered by paper thin skin, the strong muscles of his arms held me as I shook with my humiliated tears.
The salt water spilled over the front of his Jedi robe and I sucked controlled breaths of air deep into my lungs. I refused to sob.
"Hush, Juhani." Nemo urged softly. "You're stronger than this."
I bit down on my lower lip and forced my eyes to dry. I stiffly pulled myself away from Nemo and dared a glance at his eyes.
His words were cold and Jedi-like, but his eyes were human. They were so welcoming and tender. Perhaps they had always been.
"Yes, that resolved, determined look." he coaxed. "That is more like the child that grew under Quatra's guidance."
His words made me want to retreat to his arms again. I chewed harder on my lip instead. I concentrated on the blood that came from the broken flesh in my mouth as I prepared for what Nemo would say next.
"The Masters are waiting for you, Juhani." he said. "You shouldn't keep them waiting."
"No." I took a deep breath. "I should not. Will you accompany me, Nemo?"
"Of course."
Nemo walked at my side and I carefully matched his stride with my own. As we neared the council hall, I kept my eyes averted from any possible onlookers. I couldn't face them. Not yet.
Nemo was right. All four masters were in the hall waiting patiently, as if they had expected me. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat and entered the room.
"You have returned, Juhani." Master Zhar said.
"I was wrong." I murmured. "I was mistaken."
"Yet you have once again embraced the Light." Master Vandar pointed out.
I nodded. "I only wish that my master, Quatra, had not suffered because of me."
Master Vandar's long ears twitched. "Quatra knew the risks involved in provoking your anger, Padawan. But she is well now."
"Quatra is well?" My heart stopped dead in my chest.
"She was greatly saddened by your fall, but understood." Master Zhar said.
"I thought I slew her." I whispered.
"Quatra is a Jedi Master. She knew what she was doing." Master Vandar assured.
"So she is alive, has been alive all along." I mused.
Rage flared up again, but was quickly doused with relief. Quatra was alive and well. Some things were more important than personal betrayal.
"It is good that Quatra is safe." I said.
Nemo gave me an encouraging smile.
"Please, tell us what made you decide to come back, Padawan." Master Dorak urged.
"You sent a Jedi Master to cleanse the grove and in the process we fought and I lost." I recalled.
Master Vandar and Master Zhar shared a look.
Master Vrook snorted. "Nonsense." he said. "Do not credit Rian Vega with your own personal strength."
Rian Vega. I would have to remember that name. Perhaps, one day I would be able to repay her.
"Master Vrook, peace." Master Vandar instructed.
"I will not still my tongue at the truth." Master Vrook insisted.
"I do not understand." My voice cut through their tension. "Had Master Rian not come, I would be in the grove still."
"That was a task for a Jedi Knight, not an Apprentice." Master Vrook argued. "Had Juhani not truly desired to return to the Light, one or both would be dead now."
An Apprentice? Rian Vega was an Apprentice? Impossible!
"Master Vrook, we know what Rian Vega is capable of, that is why we sent her." Master Vandar explained.
"Yes, I know what that foolhardy child is capable of." Master Vrook retorted. "That's why I think you took an incalculable risk."
"Peace, Vrook. You are letting your emotions guide you." Master Vandar warned.
"And you are letting desperation guide you." Master Vrook replied.
"Enough." Master Dorak interrupted. "This should be discussed in private."
"Master Dorak is correct." Master Vandar nodded.
Master Vrook didn't respond. He took a step back from the group of Masters and remained sullen.
"I cannot see how Rian Vega is merely an Apprentice." I offered quietly. "Her skill of the Force surpassed my own."
"What did she do, Padawan?" Master Zhar asked.
Instead of placid on his shoulders, Master Zhar's pale red lekku were restless. I felt unnerved. I took a deep breath.
"Her eyes glazed over and her hand formed a fist." I explained. "As she did so, I felt an increasing pressure in my chest. I collapsed dizzy and in pain."
"You're fortunate to be alive, child." Master Vrook murmured.
"That is interesting." Master Zhar mused. "Perhaps we should watch Rian Vega's development more closely."
"Please excuse us, Juhani." Master Vandar said. "There is much we need to discuss. You should see Belaya, she has missed you."
"As you wish, Masters." I bowed and left the room.
So much had changed in my absence. But much had also stayed the same. I headed down the corridors towards Belaya's room.
