Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, I would not be writing this.

The Man He Almost Was

The moment she met him, she did not know she had fallen in love with him. In fact, she knew she WAS NOT in love with him. Who would fall in love with a rude, stubborn kid that was shorter than she was and spat watermelon seeds into her face?

Yet, something kept her around him, something that made it unbearable to leave him behind. Was it the softness hidden behind his icy glare, or the hidden fondness in his voice as he teased her? Or maybe it was simply meant to be.

She hadn't known, and she didn't ask. Some things were better left unsaid, she decided, and pushed the thoughts to the back of her head. Nevertheless, even in the back of her head, they began growing, spilling out, and itching madly, clamoring for attention.

So she left him behind in Rukongai to attend Shinigami Academy. She needed to get some distance between them, to sort out her thoughts and decide exactly what it was that made him so dear to her.

Whatever that something was, it made it unbearable to stay at the Academy for long, and she found herself irresistibly drawn back to that little cottage in Rukongai, with the watermelon patch in the back yard. Back to that rude, loud-mouthed shrimp that called her all sorts of rude names.

Then she had seen exactly why, but she didn't know it was the answer to her questions. There was that special, special day at the Academy that changed her forever – she had met Captain Aizen Sousuke, the man of her dreams…or so she thought. Yet, even in her devotion, something felt wrong, missing…as if she was loving the man for the wrong reasons, as if to fill up a void inside her heart.

But she had a goal then, and she worked towards it with all her might and soul. She made it into the Gotei 13, and even managed to get into Captain Aizen's squad, much to her joy. She should have been content, should have been fulfilled…and yet…something still kept dragging her back to the small little cottage in Rukongai with the watermelons in the back yard. Back to that rude, loud-mouthed shrimp that called her all sorts of rude names.

She couldn't explain exactly why she went through all the trouble to visit again, so she put it down as homesickness.


Then the boy at home had suddenly surprised her, attending the Academy and proving to be a genius, climbing ranks faster than she could blink. And the day he had gotten his captain's cloak, she had cried and hugged him for joy, though he pushed her off angrily and grumbled something about embarrassing him in public.

Suddenly, she found that the need to go back to Rukongai had changed into a need to constantly visit the 10th Division Headquarters, especially at night when she had nightmares.

What was wrong with her? She thought long and hard, but couldn't quite put her finger on it. Maybe…no, she was NOT in love with him, the idea was ridiculous. She was in love with Aizen-taichou, for goodness sakes! The only reason she still hung around him was that he was a friend, a really good friend that always managed to give her a nice, full feeling after talking.

But then she became Vice-Captain, and saw him a lot less often. Her days were filled with paperwork, missions, and Aizen. And the next time she had seen him, he had changed so suddenly, without her noticing.

The rudeness and childish frown had been replaced by nonchalance and a smirk. His eyes reflected the determination and quickness of wit that all Captains seemed to have, and the raw power he contained never failed to make her speechless with awe. Now, every time she saw him, a feeling of expectation, an exhilarating cold seemed to sweep through her, as if she was waiting for him to do something.

Life had been beautiful, wonderful…everything that she had dreamed it could be. She was a Vice-Captain under Aizen-taichou, she had wonderful friends like Renji, Kira, and Matsumoto, and her Shirou-chan was there for her every step of the way. Her world was a perfect world…


Then everything fell apart

The last thing she remembered was Aizen stabbing her. The betrayal had only taken a split second, but a million thoughts ran through her head as she fell to the ground, bleeding to death. Her entire life literally flashed before her eyes…and suddenly, she understood the questions that had been bugging her for so long.

She didn't love Aizen, never did and never should have. She had merely admired him and used him as a pale imitation of what she truly loved. A pale imitation what she had seen in that rude, loud-mouthed shrimp back in Rukongai such a long, long time ago…and subconsciously fallen in love with.

She hadn't loved her childhood friend…then. What she had fallen in love with…was the man he almost was. The potential of what he would become, but wasn't yet. She had fallen in love with the gentler side of him, past the obnoxious rudeness and arrogance, the part of himself he wasn't mature enough to bare to the world.

The man he almost was, and she regretted, as she lay bleeding to death, that she would never live to see…or he might not even live to become. When she had felt his reiatsu flare up near her, against Aizen…Aizen had killed him, or at least wounded him enough to make his reiatsu disappear. And she was gripped by horror, fear that she had never experienced, even when she found Aizen pinned to the wall.

But she had had no more time to fear, everything dissolved into blackness and death…or so she thought.


She woke up. It took her almost fifty years, but she woke up.

And she found Hitsugaya. He was not the man he had almost been when she had last seen him.

He was much, much more.


A/N:

woot, muses going crazy

i've gotta admit, that was pretty cheesy and pointless just a summary of stuff that's already happened from Hinamori's POV

still, at least i got it into words

and no, this is not the Hinamori Angst i promised in the previous chapter...i'm still struggling with that IT WILL COME THO, NEVER FEAR!

now, only one thing left for u to do...REVIEW! REVIEW NOW OR FACE MY WRATH! (flames will be used to cook instant ramen)