Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, unless they're offering the entire series free.
Beware: Character Death, Angst, Severly Bad Writing Ahead
This is after Aizen's death, but the war with Hueco Mundo is in full swing. It has been almost fifty years since the War began, and Hinamori woke up in the first few years of the War. Soul Society has suffered staggering losses. Some Captains and Vice-Captains, identities undisclosed, have already died and new ones have taken their places.
Too Late To Love
(I see the shadows haunting your eyes
And in the darkness, I'm hearing your cries
If only you'd let me dry up your tears
I would protect you from all your fears)
He closed his eyes temporarily, thanking every god he knew for the darkness hiding his expressions from her. If she never saw the pain and betrayal flashing through his eyes, he could pretend it never happened. Only…it did happen, and no matter what he did, the past would come back to haunt him…as it always did.
"So…I guess this is it then, hunh?" Hitsugaya's voice was level, reflecting none of the boiling emotions he felt. If Hinamori could manage to keep her voice so void of emotion, he would as well. Two could play at a game.
"Yes, it is." Those three words from her mouth, so perfectly clear and so perfectly incomprehensible, was all the confirmation he needed. Rather, he couldn't take it any more. He deserved no better – pouring out the heart he guarded so tenaciously to her, and she had trampled it into the ground. If Hitsugaya had actually believed in a divine power, he would have assumed that God was punishing him. Hard.
The passionate kisses and caresses, the lashes of emotion and frustration, and the relief that he thought she provided him…they amounted to nothing. During all of those times, not once had he doubted her intentions…and once he had, he realized just what they were.
She did not love him. He had merely been an outlet for her frustration. The War, the atrocities they had seen and committed during this horrible…horrible war, could they even love at all…or were they truly alive? Souls were like corpses now, moving automatically without any point of existence, long deprived of anything remotely like emotion.
What else was there to say? He swallowed the building lump in his throat and forced a dry smirk.
"You're right." Because it is too late to love.
He walked without turning back, without letting her see the angry tears threatening to fall, out of her room, out of her life.
(Before it's too late to love…)
She felt like screaming hysterically as she watched him leave her wordlessly, leaving her room, leaving her life. But all she did was bite her quivering lips in silence. Thank God for the darkness – the unjustified droplets rolling down her cheeks as her heart fought against itself to keep her voice calm, went unnoticed. She couldn't tell him, no, better for something never to begin than to fall to a tragic end.
The war had changed her – Aizen had changed her. Even from the grave, the despicable man haunted her thoughts. His loving caresses, his gentle smile, the way his eyes twinkled as he told her the most beautiful stories…each shred of joy they used to bring her joy now brought nothing but raw pain and emptiness.
She could not…would not drag her tired soul into another relationship. No matter how much she truly loved him, she wasn't ready, not now and probably not ever, so Hitsugaya had left her little choice when he laid the very deepest, darkest feelings of his soul bare to her.
She had rejected them. There was no way for her to stomach them, not with everything on her mind. The war was far from over, though Aizen was dead, and too many people, from the highest Captains to the lowest recruits, faced imminent death on the frontlines. Conspiracy, secret monitoring, and corruption ran amok, and there was simply now way to start a relationship.
The words she longed to say to him, three simple words that could make all the wrongs in their relationship right again, were impossible for her to say. The images of a certain ex-Captain still haunted her nightmares, the sounds of dying subordinates on the battlefield haunted her ears, and she could still see the blood of enemies on her hands no matter how hard she scrubbed.
Hitsugaya was…too often had she gone to him on the verge of breaking, never even explaining her actions before locking her lips roughly over his. Not a word passed between them during these times, not a question asked and not an answer given. She had used him…used him as nothing more than an outlet for her confused emotions, even when she knew that he was truly so much more. But…now it was too late to run back to him, too late to make things right again.
Hinamori smiled sadly to herself. Or maybe…it was just too late to love.
(Don't run away, now, stay by my side
To me, there's nothing you need to hide
These secrets, you have to learn to let go
Before it's too late to let the love flow)
Hitsugaya looked over the mission sheet in his hands again, accepting without question. To kill off both Gin and Tousen single-handedly with no back up was plain suicide…but then again, every Captain's mission was plain suicide. Somehow, everyone fell into the crazy rhythm of taking these ridiculous tasks into their stride, not even batting an eye at the dangers involved.
He had written a letter to Matsumoto and instructed her not to open it unless he failed to come back. He had…paused before writing Hinamori's, but his mind was ill at ease until he did. He had avoided her for the past month, never going farther than a brief glance before quickly looking away. With luck, maybe he could avoid her until the mission began…considering that that probably meant never seeing her again.
Yet, just before he was about to leave, he just had to run straight into her.
(You can't keep running away from me)
She had nearly told him…everything. Just seeing him dressed casually in his Captain's uniform, Hyourinmaru strapped to his back like usual, and his expression relaxed in an emotionless mask, had nearly broken her. He was leaving as if it was no big deal, even when he might not come back. And…the thought of Hitsugaya disappearing terrified her.
He had smirked at her – one of those indecipherable expressions that carried so much emotion in such a brief time. It had overwhelmed her.
'Jya, Baka Bed wetter Momo.'
And then he was gone. She had called out his name, searched for him, and even begged him to come back. She needed to explain everything. Her heart was understandable again; she knew what she wanted. Aizen…Aizen didn't matter anymore. Hitsugaya did.
And she had to find him before she lost the chance forever.
(Before it's too late to love)
Hitsugaya felt like shit. He leaned against the tree that was supporting him on the edge of the small forest he found in the area, trying to catch his breath.
Hopefully, the slight rest would make him feel better, better enough for him to drag himself back to Seirei-tai. Right now, his head was swimming and his limbs felt like lead, not to mention he had no idea how much blood he had lost.
He had caught Ichimaru alone, luckily, and even managed to defeat the former Captain. Only, before he could land the finishing blow, Ichimaru had detonated some form of self-destructive Hadou, blowing the entire field they had been fighting in sky-high. The blast would have killed anyone else – the initial explosion had sent Hitsugaya flying about 50 meters and left an enormous crater.
He had struggled to his feet and limped to the edge of the clearing, now resting against the tree in a sitting position. A few moments earlier, he had dug an energy pill out of his pocket and swallowed it, hoping it would make his aching body feel better. So far, it was only getting worse.
Hinamori…somehow, his thoughts always drifted back to her. He still hadn't resolved their relationship problems…mental note to do that…once…he got back to…Seirei-tai…
Hitsugaya blinked once. His vision was going white and his limbs felt surprisingly light. He should have known the stupid energy pill was drugged – Unohana tended to do that a lot.
Ugh…somehow, he needed to get his sorry ass to the 4th Division. Something told him that he needed medical attention NOW. Yet, his body wasn't responding to him again, so Hitsugaya could only rest against the stupid pine tree and wait.
The blood was probably ruining his Captain's cloak. Hinamori…wouldn't if be funny if she found him like this?
Probably not.
(You don't know what you're missing
Until it's completely out of your reach
So before, it's too late for you
You have to get a little more love)
Hinamori was not a Vice-Captain for nothing – she could track people. Only, now it was the dead of night, and that made tracking much harder. She could barely see her hand in front of her face, much less the surrounding area.
And Hitsugaya's reiatsu was hidden, as usual. Somehow, all the Captains managed to completely conceal their presence.
After hours of long work, she found him sitting under a large pine tree, aquamarine eyes threatening to freeze her to the spot. Hitsugaya didn't speak, but his unasked questions seemed perfectly clear. Hinamori found the gaze piercing and averted her eyes.
"Ano, Hitsugaya-kun, There's a lot that I want to say…but…well, I'll start with this. I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything I said before; I was just…frustrated and scared that you came on so fast." Hinamori began. She waited for his reply and received silence. At this, Hinamori's fear perked slightly. Perhaps…Hitsugaya was still mad at her.
"I also wanted to tell you that…well, I wanted to tell you for a long time, but I don't know how to…uh…say it." Hinamori stumbled over her own words. "I just…wanted to tell you while I still have a chance. I…I-…Aishiteru, Shirou-chan."
No response.
Hinamori looked up, meeting those piercing blue-green eyes again. However, the lack of emotion, or even surprise, triggered something inside Hinamori. "Hitsugaya-kun, KNOCK IT OFF! I'm giving a serious confession, so could you at least respond to tell me what you think? Maybe you're mad at me, but how am I supposed to know if you don't say something?"
No response.
Hinamori placed a hand on Hitsugaya's shoulders to shake him, but she was surprised when Hitsugaya leaned forward into her, resting heavily on her shoulder.
"Hitsu…gaya?" Hinamori put her arm around him to steady him, but froze when her hand came across a cold, wet feeling over Hitsugaya's back. She drew her hand back – whatever the substance was, she couldn't tell in the poor light. She pulled her hand close and sniffed.
There was a sickeningly familiar, metallic smell that could only mean one thing – blood.
By the looks of it, Hitsugaya's entire back was saturated by the blood – he was injured, and it looked pretty bad. Hinamori's eyes widened.
"Hitsugaya-kun! You're hurt! Why didn't you say anything?"
Her hand brushed by his cheek – it was cold – unnaturally cold, and Hitsugaya didn't even react. No, it couldn't mean…
Hinamori shook her head slowly, painfully denying the obvious. "We need to get you to Unohana…ne, Shirou-chan?" She stared into his unseeing bright turquoise eyes. No…
"Hitsu…gaya…"
(Before it's too late to love…)
"Hitsugaya!"
(Before it's too late to love…)
"TOUSHIROU!"
(Before it's…too late…to love)
humans never appreciate what they have…
until all they have is taken away
-source unknown
