Disclaimer: Do not own ER or the characters sigh

Hey guys, sorry it took me a little while to update. I seriously had no idea where I wanted this to go, there were so many options that I had to actually contemplate. Hope you enjoy it!


Staring into the coffee cup she swirled its contents wondering whether or not it was safe to drink. Sighing she sank into a chair.

"Michael, I'm so glad you're home!" Throwing her arms around him she laughed happily as he picked her up and spun her.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," he murmured into her neck.

"I missed you too," wrapping her arms around him even tighter she tilted her head and his lips met hers.

"I love you so much…"

He had said he loved her…he had meant it at the time, she was sure of it. It wasn't until weeks later…

"Michael… I know that you saw things that you'll never be able to erase and I know that you did things that you aren't proud of. I'm just trying to understand, really I am."

"You have no idea Neela, and you never will."

"Then talk to me, Michael please. I'm your wife!"

"What do you want me to say? That I saw my friends die and I couldn't do anything to save them? That I had to…"

"If it helps then say it."

"Well it doesn't so quit asking so many damn questions!"

Taken aback Neela clenched her jaw and tried to figure out what to say next without furthering his anger. He had changed, war had changed him. "Michael, maybe you should see some one. There are places you can go, group therapy that sort of thing."

"Are you suggesting that I need psychological help? What, just because I went off to Iraq means that—"

"That isn't what I'm saying at all; will you please just calm down a little and listen to what I'm trying to say?

"I don't need this."

She watched as he stalked towards the door. "Where are you going?"

"None of your business."

"I'm your wife and I'm trying to help you, of course it's my business."

The door slammed; frustrated she flung herself down onto the couch. The phone sat on the table in front of her and she picked it up. Dialing the number she heard a click, "Barnett, leave one." Hurriedly she hit the end button and waited for her pulse to slow, relieved that he hadn't been home. Of course she had known that he wouldn't be. His shift hadn't ended yet.

She remembered him stumbling in completely drunk that night, and the night after that.

"I'm all right with you having a drink after work but you coming home drunk every single night is not okay."

The fact that he was beginning to lean on alcohol rather than her was not healthy…and it hurt to know that he would rather drink himself into a stupor than talk to her.

"God Neela, what the hell is your problem?"

"My problem? My problem is that my husband—"

His open hand connected with her mouth, staggering back she lost her balance. Lifting a hand to her face she felt warmth spread over her fingers. Looking down at her hand she found that she couldn't say anything, tears were threatening to choke her.

Michael saw the blood on her mouth and smeared across her fingers. "Neela, I didn't…I would never…baby I'm sorry," he reached a hand down and helped her to stand. "Let me look at it, I'm so sorry sweetie. I didn't mean it, I wasn't thinking."

She couldn't say anything, only cry as she realized that her life was dissolving out of her control. She had gone with the nice safe guy…and it had been the wrong decision.

Everything had fallen apart after that, though when she really thought about it…it had fallen apart before it had begun. The wedding had been spur of the moment, not what she had planned. The sari had been white not red, not what she had planned. Her husband had left her soon after, not what she had planned. And what happened next she had certainly not planned on nor had she ever even been able to imagine it could even happen.

"Michael, it's nearly three in the morning. You have to go to work at six and I highly doubt they'll appreciate you going in drunk. Especially when you work at a hospital."

He scoffed, "I'm not drunk."

"Like hell you aren't." She grabbed his shoulders but he shrugged her off.

"Don't talk to me like that Neela." He tried to focus on her.

"Like what?" she snapped.

"That, you're my wife and I want you to listen to me now. Stop telling me what to do."

"Michael, I'm trying to help you!" she let out a scream of frustration, "Just once I wish you'd come home sober."

"Are you accusing me of being a drunk?" he hissed.

Knowing she was treading dangerous ground she plowed on, "Yes all right? Yes I am, and I'm telling you right now that you need help!"

"You're going to want to stop now," his eyes turned cold.

"No, either you get help or I'm leaving." She wouldn't leave, but he didn't know that and she wanted to see his reaction.

He grabbed her wrist so hard that she flinched. "Michael you're hurting me!"

"You're threatening to leave?"

A sob escaped her and he yanked her to him, "I've seen this coming, you've been cheating on me haven't you? Haven't you!" he was yelling now.

"No, I'd never do that…I love you…" she was crying so hard now that her words came out in gasps.

"It's that old roommate of yours isn't it, that punk kid…I should have known."

"I haven't been cheating on you!" She knew arguing was useless, he was past the point of rationality.

"Damn it Neela!" he swung her around wrenching her arm so hard that she heard a crack. Her wrist…

Trying not to think about it anymore she dumped her coffee into the sink, her shift was long over.

"Neela, there's someone here to see you." Luka's accent seemed heavier than usual and she had a feeling that he was unhappy about something. "We are all here for you." Seeing her hesitation as his words sunk in he gently took her by the elbow, "I'll be right behind you."

Her mind seemed to be in overload as a million questions ran through it. "Where's Ray?" she asked frantically. He had said he'd be there to help her, where was he now?

Luka squeezed her arm in reassurance, "Calm down Neela, he can't hurt you here."

He could, Luka didn't understand. "What's he doing here?" By this point Luka practically had to push her down the hall.

"I have no idea," his voice was soothing. Realizing that she had been holding her breath she let it out. She wasn't going to be afraid. No, she was going to be strong. Straightening she pulled away from Luka's grip and strode forward. He was waiting for her.

Looking at him under the fluorescent hospital lights no one would be able to tell that he was a man who would beat his wife. He looked prim and military like even in his every day clothes.

Don't be afraid…don't be afraid…she hoped that if she repeated it enough times then she wouldn't be.

"Michael, what are doing here?" she asked with what she hoped sounded like concern, her voice was strong and even. So far so good.

"Just wanted to stop by and say hello to everyone."

She saw that Pratt was standing by looking decidedly uncomfortable. There was no doubt that it was because Michael seemed perfectly normal, like he hadn't changed at all. Neela knew that if she didn't haven the bruises no one would suspect that anything was different.

"Oh…well…is that all then?" she asked hoping that he would just let everything go. She tensed as he reached for her.

"Actually," he drew her to him and she found herself completely frozen. He pretended not to notice her reluctance, "I was hoping that since your shift is over you might want to go out to dinner with me."

An inexplicable fear took hold; somehow she hadn't realized that she'd been sitting in the lounge for that long. Michael must have come home and found her gone then come looking for her. No doubt he was angry. She had to hand it to him though, he was covering it quite well.

"Neela?" he asked her with a pinched smile.

"Sure, just ah…just let me collect my things…get changed…" she motioned at her scrubs. "I was held up," she prayed that someone would help her out.

"Sorry to keep her Gallant, there was a trauma and we needed her." Luka tried to smile but found he couldn't. Not when Neela looked like she wanted to crawl under the admit desk and Michael was looking and sounding so…normal.

She managed to break away from him, "I'll be back in a moment. You can catch up with the guys." It surprised her how pleasant she sounded. Walking away she was conscious of everyone's eyes on her.

Hands trembling she reached into her locker, there was no possible way that she could walk back out there. She just could not bring herself to do it.

"Neela, what's going on?"

Spinning around she simultaneously backed into the lockers then nearly laughed with relief. Half of her had expected it to be Michael. Instead it was Ray. "What do you mean what's going on?"

"I mean why exactly did Abby just tell me that Michael was here?"

"Because he is…" she replied with a shrug, hoping that it passed as unconcerned.

Ray looked at her closely, "And are you going to do anything?"

"About what?" No. Oh no. She was not ready for this.

"Neela, you admitted it. Things are not all right and you need to face up to it. You need to get Michael to face up to it." He looked her in the eyes, "You have to do this. You have to. For you, for him, for all of your friends."

She had never seen him so serious before. "For some reason I don't think I can."

"I know you can do it."

"How"

"You'll just have to trust me on it."

She trusted him. Whether foolish or not she trusted him.


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