Mediation has been my only escape as of late. With everything going on it seems like it is the only thing I can do to keep my emotions in line. The sun poking through the clouds that have been looming over all of today shines right onto me making me cringe. Why does it have to be so bright? Focusing on centering myself I close my eyes still levitating in the air. I hum softly to myself letting the sound of my own voice guide me to peace. A soft breeze blows my way I feel it on my legs first, then my face. It still smells so strongly of autumn. Even if how calm I feel I cannot help but allow my thoughts to drift to Jason. His apology felt so sincere. I understand why he snapped, when you are around someone and feel yourself changing around that person it can be scary, but not always a bad thing. He calms me too, his humor and sarcasm fit right in with mine and allow me to feel more centered even without mediation. I don't have many guy friends that I don't live with though, so it could possibly be that.

I have spent the couple hours internally fighting with myself on how to feel and handle walking in on Starfire riding Robin. Seeing the look on Robin's face when Batman had to turn away so he could put his dick away now that, made me feel better. Feeling how guilty Star felt knowing I saw it though, that is what confuses me. She knows we just broke up, and I know she still likes him. Do I just push it aside and not let it bother me since it is obvious she does feel awful or do I stand my ground and let her know it hurt to see. Regardless on who ended what and why I still need to have time to get over him. We were together a while. I don't have time to think about much else.

"Uhh Raven?" A voice asks behind me, I lower myself and turn locking eyes with a nervous Beastboy.

"What?" I monotone.

"Robin wants to see everyone in the Comm room, he says it's important" He answers, I nod and take down my hood and we both walk to the door to enter the tower from the roof. He stops mid stride and puts a gentle hand on my wrist, I look down at him and arch an eyebrow. He's nervous.

"Hey umm..I know I haven't gotten to talk to you much. I didn't know what to say. I just wanted to say...I am sorry for what happened to you. You didn't deserve it." He finally pushes out. At first I want to tell him to forget it even happened, like I am trying to do everyday.

"Thank you B, it means more than you know" I say, his face lights up for a split second but then falls back into his usual goofy face.

"Well let's go, I don't Robin mad at me" He says and opens the door I follow him through and I follow him to the Comm room. I take my usual seat in the middle folding my legs underneath me, this position is comforting. Makes me feel like I am grounded and have support. Cyborg trickles in tampering with some mother board. He smiles at me and takes a seat still screwing in something. Beastboy curls up on the couch as a dog and waits for Robin. He is the only one not here yet. Starfire sit's away from everyone with Silkie in her lap. Robin finally walks into the room looking like he finally got a night of sleep. Bout fucking time.

"Titans, thank you for coming. I know as of late our team hasn't been much of a team. I know a lot of that is my fault but I feel like we could use some team bonding. Being hauled up in the Tower probably isn't helping much! So we are all going to the Carnival this evening, there is no arguments. We are all going. In street clothes to prevent a lot of reporters and cameras and such. We leave at 4." He announces.

"Yeahhhhhh Night out!" Beastboy bumps

"Is this a night of fun?" Starfire asks

"Hell yeah it is!" Beastboy answers pumping his fists in the air. I stifle a smile and don't say a word even when Robin's eyes fall onto me.

"I got to work on the T-car!" Cyborg groans

"You can do it tomorrow, I expect everyone to be down in the garage at 3:50 pm Sharp. Anyone late has to clean up Beastboy's room" Robin states

"Hey!"

"Sounds good to me" Cyborg answers finally looking up from his mother board. Robin disperses no doubt heading to write out a schedule for our "Night of fun". Personally I don't think it is needed, if only Robin could get over himself and actually be a leader it wouldn't be a problem. No one else has had trouble working with the team except for him. I grab my book I must have left down here that last time I chose to read which just feels like forever ago. I open it and sit it on my lap allowing it to consume my thoughts and time. The quicker we get this over with the better. All I have to do is be there pretend I care and then he will feel like accomplished something and will maybe act like he isn't a complete dickhead. No pun intended.

"Hey Raaaaven" Beastboy sing songs, I slowly look up from my book to see Beastboy standing in front of me with a grin on his face.

"What" I monotone

"Do you want me to win you another chicken? Maybe a smaller one so you have a little family" He offers

"I am sure he doesn't need a child." I say his smile falls and he glares at me.

"What do you know about what he needs, what if he's lonely?" Beastboy asks me, I cock my head to the side and stare at him while trying to think of what to say, he releases a small giggle.

"Fine you can win him a little chicken" I cave, he grins from pointy ear to pointy ear.

"I knew you had a heart!" He beams as he practically skips away to his bedroom. It might him the whole four hours to find something to wear in that mess of a room he sleeps in. What is the point of even having a bed if you are just going to turn into a dog and sleep underneath it? I turn my attention back to my book and let it devour at least an hour of my time, it doesn't even feel like an hour. By the time I finished the book it is about 2 in the afternoon. I don't care much about my looks in street clothes, but I have so many that I never wear I have almost forgotten what I even have in the closet I never open. I walk to my room with the book under my arm.

BANG

I stop in my tracks looking around, the noise sure came from Robin's room. I pause for a second listening in if only to make sure Robin isn't destroying his desk chair again. I here another Bang followed by giggling and a soft moan. I press my lips together and turn back continuing on my journey a slight tinge of pain twisting into my gut. I guess they needed to finish what they started last night. For the third time in a row. I remember in the beginning of our relationship it was close to that. We found almost every excuse to sneak off together and explore each others bodies. I shake the memories from my head as I enter my room heading straight to the closet. I am surprised there isn't dust on the clothes in here. I pick out black skinny jeans and purple fitted tshirt. I grab one of my many black leather jackets and throw the clothes onto the bed. I seem to have a slight addiction to the leather jackets. I pick out my usual undergarments, black and purple lacy bra with it's matching thong. Even without the cat suit it seems more comfortable to wear one. It doesn't take me long to disrobe and get dressed. I look myself over in the mirror seeing at how long I have let my hair get. I need to remind myself to cut that off later.

I choose steel toed boots, just for security. It doesn't take me long to finish getting ready grabbing a bag and putting my wallet in there. I get downstairs and see Cyborg without his...Cyborg. He has on the rings. I stop and look at him giving him a sympathetic look.

"You know people don't judge you anymore right? You help people everyone knows that" I say he nods and looks his hands over turning them over.

"I just sometimes miss looking like me" He admits. We both walk to the garage leisurely, talking about how stupid we both feel this is. Beastboy wears a baggy tshirt and jeans.

"I guess the green skin kind of throws it all off here huh?" He jokes poking his arm. Cyborg laughs and shakes his head.

"Even if you were white you would still be a little grass stain" he says rubbing Beastboy's head playfully.

"Cut it out! I spent twenty minutes doing my hair!" He yells in protest. I sit idly by watching their exchange stifling my urge to laugh at them. The garage door closes behind me and Starfire walks out, her outfit is only slightly different than her normal wear. Although to me she does look different. A purple crop top and blue jeans, her red hair is put up into a high ponytail. Is she wearing lipstick? Robin walks in next to her wearing a plain white tshirt under a black leather jacket and blue jeans. His sunglasses hide his eyes and conceal his identity.


[Hour later]

"I TOLD YOU I WOULD WIN YOU A BABY CHICKEN!" Beastboy shouts jumping up and down as he presents me with an egg shaped plush.

"This is an egg" I monotone he nods.

"At least now we know which came first!" He shouts, he gives his joke a small laugh and all I can do is shake my head at him.

"Ha-ha very funny" I deadpan grabbing the egg. It's soft and squishy.

"So team, I would say so far this night has been good" Robin says draping an arm over Star's shoulder. I don't say anything just look around at the bright lights and playful screams. Human emotions seeping into me left and right it's almost hard to breath here. Thought it is nice to see so much happiness when your public outings are normally so gloomy.

"Oh friend Raven isn't it wonderful!" Starfire beams twirling out of Robin's arms and onto my shoulders. I nudge her off and nod.

"Yeah, it's very bright" I grind out, her smile slightly falters as she slides back over to Robin, he glares at me and I shrug it off.

"OOH Cy let's go get one of those Vegan waffles?!" Beastboy yells dragging Cyborg by his hand to a concession stand. I fold my arms across my chest as we continue to walk through the crowded dirt path. I look at Beastboy and Cyborg ordering something. I haven't seen Beastboy this happy in a while. Not that he isn't happy but he is social-able being able to be in public and make a fool of himself makes him happier than doing it at home.

"I want to get one of those pretty drinks!" Starfire says pointing to a fruit smoothie on a stand, she leaps forward heading for it leaving me and Robin walking alone. I don't look at him just keep looking around for anything I could do to make this suck less. Maybe I could get a henna tattoo, I have always adored the culture behind it and I love the way it looks. I feel a strong hand on my shoulder and I shrug it off.

"Hey, can't you see that I am trying here" Robin scolds, I turn on my heels and stop him dead in his tracks.

"Trying to do what exactly?" I ask he takes a second to recover from his shock but he does none the less.

"Trying to fix the friendship and team that you strained" He accuses I shake my head and look down at my boots, I had half a mind to kick him in the shin with the steel toed part but I don't instead I just force myself to exhale slowly and find mt center again. Don't lose control.

"I didn't strain it Richard." I say

"Stop fucking calling me that. I am not Richard to you, I am Robin. You don't get to fuck up our relationship and continue to scold me like a child. If you really can't stand being near me, can't be adult enough to talk to me and not throw shade at me every five fucking seconds then just leave!" He demands.

"Fine, I will" I mutter pushing the egg plush into his arms and turning around and heading in the opposite direction that we were going. He grunts and let's out a frustrated groan he kicks a trashcan that was near.

"God Rae can't you grow the fuck up!" he calls after me, I pretend I don't hear it. I actually pretend it doesn't hurt but it does.

I wonder the Carnival looking at the rides and the happy families, the smiling faces of people who recognize me. I wave back and smile at some of them, it makes them happier. I take deep and mindful breaths to push out the tears that want to come down my cheeks but I refuse to let them. I see a stand that sells Ice cream. I could go for some dairy deliciousness. Standing in line I constantly look around hoping not to run into anyone from the team right now, I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to be alone. The line moves up one so I move with it. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I turn to the left looking for what could be the cause of my sudden chills. I don't see anything but happy families and games with loud noises. I turn to the right looking around. A loud pop goes off, I get a hot slice and then a sudden cold feeling and then comes the pain. Screaming echoes through the carnival as people start running in all directions. I stand still. I look down and see my purple shirt stained with dark liquid. A sharp pain echoing through my abdomen. I've been shot.

Before I can fall to the ground two strong arms grab me yanking me through the madness, they shove me onto the ground behind a concession stand. I look up and see Conner standing over me a twisted smile on his face. I shoot part of my soul self at him but he moves just slightly dodging it. He grabs my wrist and yanks me up slamming me against the back of the concession stand. I yelp and move to kick him but he slams his hand into my wound. I cry out and lean forward just enough for him to slide his other hand to my throat slamming my head back against the wall. For a second I see stars and black and purple dots.

"You know, you fucked up a lot of things for me." He grinds out pressing into my wound again. I struggle against him even through the pain. Gasping for air as if it'll stifle the white pain.

"Azerath Met-" He covers my mouth hard and glares down to me.

"Oh no, you see now that I know who you are I studied you. You aren't getting away from me so easily. You know you are the world biggest tease. You walk around in the small little outfit of yours and think no one is gonna look at you. Well...I look at you. I had a lot of buyers interested in you" He mutters I groan and push my head forwards trying to push him off of me. He throws a hard punch that lands on my cheek sending more pain. Before I can react he grabs my face by the jaw and presses his lips onto mine. I thrust my knee upwards hitting him in the groin. He doubles over long enough for me to push him away from me. His face reddens and he grabs my hair pulling me down onto the ground hard. He pulls out a gun from behind his pants and hold it up against my chest.

"Stop fucking moving you dumb witch" He groans through the pain. He pistol whips me hard against the face cutting through my eyebrow warm blood falls into my eye blinding me in one. "You know I don't even want to sell you now. I just want to show you what bitches who fuck with my business get."

"Touch me and I will kill you" I grind out

Another shot goes off sending more mind searing pain into my abdomen. He slides both his hands around my neck tightly. I see more black and purple dots across my vision. I thrust my soul self out hoping I hit him. He groans and releases my throat. My powers aren't working properly, something is wrong. I swing my fist forward and feel it connect with the side of his face. He grabs the top of hair pulling me close to his face. He throws me down and gets off of me. I try to get up but I feel his boot connect with my rib cage. I yelp and claw at the ground trying to find the strength to get away from him. Another kick rolls me back onto my back. I groan and taste blood in my mouth. He gets down on his knee as I gasp for air and grabs my throat. He's smiling this twisted fuck.

"I am going to have so much fun with you" He whispers in my ear. I whimper against my will and kick my feet trying to get away from him. He presses his lips against mine again using his free hand to cup my breasts, I wiggle and throw a fist against his shoulder as strongly as I can. He breaks the kiss and stands me up looking me up and down. He throws me hard against the wall again and the world goes dark.


[Red X's POV]

The moment I hear the first shot go off I am springing into action. I knew Raven is here somewhere and I know this is where Conner has been running his new operation. I look around the carnival from my high vantage point and look to where I think the shot was coming from. It must have echoed because people there are just now getting the news they need to run. I run along the roof of one of the main buildings looking to find any clue to where it's coming from. A green bolt cuts off my vision as an Angry Starfire floats in front of me. I knew I shouldn't have come here in full Red X gear.

"I order you to do the Stopping" she commands.

"I don't have time to deal with you right now" I reply shortly

"Then I have no choice" She answers shooting another Star bolt at me. I flip out of it to dodge and mid flip teleport away. It lands me farther away where the sound was coming from. I need to do this more discretely if I am going to find Raven and make sure she is okay. I get to the ground running through the back of concession stands hoping to stay away from the angry angry alien. I hear another shot and I stop to realize I am going the wrong way. I run in the direction of the gunshot pushing through people frantically trying to escape. Pushing through the mob that has started makes getting to the shot difficult. Every body that hits me pushes me back a little. Though it takes me longer than I wish I get passed the worse of it. As I get into the clearing I look around frantically for Raven. I don't see her and it sends a panic through me that I hate. I hear a yelp coming from someone close to me. I head towards it. I look in front of a concession stand a small pool of blood has seeped into the sand. Conner is kneeling on the ground his legs under him and two legs on both sides of his hips. His movement is weird to me and as I move to get a better view the pit rises in my stomach. I look and see Raven beaten and bloody on the floor blood pooling underneath her. Her jeans pulled too far down to be an accident and he's...in her. I groan and throw a punch breaking Conner's jaw on impact. The Gun he still had in his hand flings out as he rises his hands to his face. I kick the gun away and kick his ribs in sending him flying into the brick wall behind him. I pick him up from the shirt and slam him against it.

"What did you do?! How fucking dare you!" I growl his jaw hangs awkwardly and I shove him to the ground sending another kick to the head knocking him out. I look around me taking a deep breath. I run to Raven's side, pulling her pants back up to where they are supposed to be. Her eyes are closed softly as if she's sleeping. I look her over slightly shaking in my suit. I grab a sharpie out of my belt and walk over to Conner's form. I scribble on his shirt and turn back to Raven. I hover over her and cradle her in my arm. I use my free hand to press the center of my belt teleporting us to my safe house. I frantically lay her down on the floor flat ripping off my mask and my gloves.

"Please, please don't be dead. Raven come on" I whisper my voice cracking against my will as I check her pulse. It's there but it isn't strong. I breath a sigh of relief and hurry to the towel closet grabbing three big towels and racing them back to her. I press them against her wounds and hear her breathing shutter. "It's okay, you are gonna be okay. Just stay with me alright"

It feels like I am begging her to stay with me most of the night. Every time I thought she would be okay the bleeding would start again. My chest aches as I look at her like this. Dark bruises forming around her neck, the right side of her face with blood streaks down them. I lift up her shirt enough to see the gunshot wounds more clearly. They just won't stop bleeding. I go into my belt and pull out my bag of quick clotting I use when I get wounded. I pour it over her wounds and see the white powder quickly soaked up by the blood.

"Fuck Rae" I whisper as I cradle my head in my hands. My hands feel sticky I look down at them and see them covered in deep red blood. Her blood. His blood. It feels like an insult to her that they mix on my hands. Racing to the sink I scrub them hard. Hard enough that I am sure I probably scrubbed some skin off somewhere. My entire being wants to go back to that carnival and kill him.


[Back with the Titans]

He's been looking in every place he could think of, frantically dialing the phone number for the phone he gave Raven. It goes to voicemail for the thirteenth time.

"Raven?!" He shouts looking around the rides he was at. He found no sign of her. He turns the corner to see his team a couple feet away. Robin leaning against a stand with his arm against his head.

"Have any of you found her?" Cyborg asks urgently, Beastboy crouches onto the floor staring at the blood on the floor and the body laying in front of it.

"Cy" Robin says with a hand on Cyborg's shoulder. Cyborg looks at the concern written on his face and looks between him and Starfire who is on the ground on her knees with her hand covering her mouth in silent sobs. Cyborg carefully walks around Robin and looks to the small opening between the concession stands. He walks through it and see's the crumpled body of Conner Mendez, his jaw hanging awkwardly on his face and his jacket spread open revealing the words Cyborg will never burn out of his head.

"I killed a Teen Titan"

Cyborg takes a step back knocking into the wall, he looks around the scene noticing the two huge blood pools on the floor which have started to turn the sand into bloody mud. He shakes his head in disbelief and walks back out taking deep breaths.

This cannot be happening

This cannot be happening

He repeats this to himself to cover up the feeling of overwhelming pain he feels erupting out of him. He turns to Robin and shoves him as hard as can.

"Stop" Robin commands but Cyborg doesn't. He shoves him again knocking Robin off his feet.

"THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT. HE KILLED HER AND IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT. " shoves again " WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST BE A GOOD GUY HUH? YOU HURT HER SO FUCKING MUCH AND DIDN'T CARE AND NOW SHE'S GONE. MY LITTLE " shoves again " FUCKING" Shoves again " SISTER " Shoves harder this time " IS GONE "

Cyborg stops blinking the tears down his eye. His voice cracks hard.

"Her egg" Beastboy mutters grabbing the egg plush and holding it to his chest.

"Cyborg I didn't know this would happen" Robin says, Cy shakes his head violently.

"You let her walk away. You just couldn't keep you mouth shut. You let her go off on her own and then didn't even think to find her when the first shot went off. 'She's fine' you said. SHE'S FUCKING DEAD MAN" Cyborg yells

"We don't know that, there would be a body is she was dea-" Robin doesn't get to finish before Cyborg shoves him again

"Look at the blood Robin! Look at the blood! How could she survive that?!" He asks, in all honesty he was looking for an answer something to possibly say she was alive. Something to give her hope. Robin has no answer for him. He let's them fall silent as Cyborg comforts Starfire as she releases her sobs.

They couldn't believe it. Raven is dead.