Chapter 3 - Flowers Can't Blossom in the Dark

Himari didn't like to generalize, but guys tended to bear too much unnecessary pride.

"Can't you just stay put for two minutes?" she snapped at her unwilling patient. "I'm trying to fix it."

After his first match, the stubborn puppeteer refused to pay a short visit to the medical team, so Himari had no choice but to drag him over an empty patient's bed and to treat him herself. Under her deadly stare, the puppeteer stopped his struggling and stayed still.

An annoyed growl escaped his busted lip.

"You're making it worse," he complained. "It freaking hurts."

"It's your own damn fault if it hurts that much. Stop moving."

Shushing his childish complaints, the girl politely ordered him to take off his shirt. Not without cracking a dirty joke about her intentions, he obliged as she rolled off her eyes out of annoyance. Chakra glowing in one hand, she treated each injury one by one. Prodding and poking at his body, she made sure he hadn't anything broken or severely injured.

"I'm going to miss the other fights," he whined. "And my puppet needs some fixing."

The girl huffed. He was acting like a real man-child. She squinted at his lips. His excessive pouting had reopened the lip's wound.

"Damn it," she cursed. "Stop. Talking."

Foraging through her bag, Himari laid a hand on a small jar. When she opened it, Kankuro's nose scrunched up at the strong herbal scent coming out of it. He shook his head.

"You aren't going near me with that stuff."

"Quit whining like a child."

The puppeteer shot a glance at the door. She followed his gaze. The idiot was going to make a run for it. Cream in hand, Himari threw him a don't-you-dare look.

"Don't you even think about it. Wherever you hide, I'll find you."

"You're a real pain in the-"

He winced at the sensation of cold cream against his skin. Then, he rapidly recovered and started complaining again about her torture treatment. Himari rolled her eyes, unable to help the small smile reaching her lips. She'd learned to appreciate his rough company. They would paired together at school for the exercises and sometimes, he would even join her for an ice cone after class. Though, she still didn't quite get along with Temari. Everything couldn't always be perfect.

Kankuro's low voice snapped her out of her own thoughts.

"I wanted to thank you, Himari-san."

She shrugged it off. "Don't thank me. I did nothing extraordinary," she explained. "It's just some basic medical jutsu and a homemade cream."

"For Gaara, I meant."

She frowned. "I don't get it."

"He's better now," Kankuro insisted. "Because of you."

The bad feeling intensified in her stomach, forming a tight knot. Slowly, her hands dropped at her sides. She didn't like where this was going.

"Okay, look-"

"He's calmer," he cut her off. "He doesn't kill on a whim that much anymore and-"

"Stop, Kankuro."

Her voice broke. Please, stop. She wasn't deaf, or stupid. The people's whispers reached her ears while she passed by them in the streets. The Beast's Tamer, they murmured. If she's there, the monster won't hurt us. She'll stop him. They wanted to believe it so hard, like a parching man lost in the desert desperately dreamed of an oasis. And then, they would only be faced with disappointment when a body would be found at dawn, lifeless.

Himari hated it. She couldn't unsee the bodies with nameless faces, crushed until their bones turned to shreds, laying in a puddle of crimson blood. She couldn't forget the putrid scent of death floating in the air. She couldn't push down their anguished screams resonating in her mind, begging for their life. They didn't have names. She didn't know them. But someone did. Even though most of them were shinobis sent by his father to kill him, they didn't deserve that kind of dishonorable death. And while his eyes glowed with this perverse pleasure at the intoxicating scent of blood, Himari couldn't move. She couldn't speak. Gaara's hatred for people only fueled the monster's will inside of him. The monster wasn't one to be tamed. It wouldn't be satisfied until it wreaked havoc.

Or until it killed them all.

"Look, I truly care for him," Himari said as she wiped the cold cream off her shaking fingers. "He's my friend. But I'm not some magic band-aid to apply on an open wound, while hoping it will be enough to stop it from hemorrhaging. I can't be that, alright? I just can't."

"But you're not even trying!"

It hit her like a slap. Kankuro's face contorted with contained anger. Frantic, his eyes looked about to pop off their socket. A shaky breath escaped him. He was used to suppress his emotion. All his childhood, he had feared his father would stop caring for him if he caused too much trouble. So he had never thrown a fit or rebelled against his authority or shed a tear in front of him.

He took a sharp breath.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It's just- Never mind."

Ashamed of yelling at her, he didn't care to meet her eyes anymore. Softly, she grabbed his shaking hands in hers, grazing her thumbs across the white tapes around his fingers in a soothing motion. Sometimes people tended to forget that Gaara wasn't the only sand siblings with problems of his own. Her heart ached for him. For them.

"Kankuro, what's wrong?"

It looked like something was eating him from the inside. His hands squeezed her gently.

"It's nothing, Himari. Don't worry," he smiled. "It was wrong of me to ask such a thing from you. You're right. I'm sorry. Please, don't be mad at me?"

"It's fine," she reassured him. "You care for him, don't you?"

Surprise flashed across his face, as if nobody ever voiced it out.

"Yes, I do. I didn't always do, but he's my little brother." he whispered. Then his gaze lost its grasp on reality, wandering off in his mind as he spoke absently. "As I was about three years old, I watched my mother die on that hospital's bed. Gaara's birth had drained the life out of her. I loathed him for it. For taking her away from us. And it wasn't until a nurse shove him into my arms before pushing me out of the room, that I realized that I couldn't possibly resent him for that. It wouldn't be fair. He was so small. So innocent."

A hollow pain was straining his voice. Now, it made sense that he wouldn't want to go near a hospital ever again. She wouldn't want to either, if her eyes had witnessed the same thing as his at such a young age. Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes. Himari felt his pain. It spoke to her like the saddest of songs.

"See?" she smiled softly. Himari gently squeezed his hands. "I can't be mad at you, Kankuro. Not for caring."

Two knocks caught their attention. Himari jumped out of surprise, even though Kankuro seemed to be aware of the presence of his sister in the doorframe before she was. She detached herself from the puppeteer. If she had listened to their whole conversation, Temari didn't let it show on her face.

"Gaara's fight is about to begin," she announced flatly. "Are you coming?"

They nodded.

...

Lee lost the fight.

His screams of pain as his tibia's bone shattered to pieces resonated in the arena and in that instant, Himari didn't know who screamed the loudest. Her or Lee. Something broke inside her. She'd never witnessed a friend getting hurt before. Someone she knew. The words got stuck in her throat as the cries of pain didn't fade in her head. Himari swore Gaara had thrown a glance at her, just before he ruthlessly crushed his opponent's dream at ever becoming a ninja.

And it terrified her.

...

She visited him.

The whole time, she felt sick to the point of nearly puking on the floor. The beeping of the medical machine panged at a guilt that shouldn't be hers to carry. Lee's friendly smile was nowhere to been seen, nor was his laugh to be heard. His unconscious form laid on the bed, so still and so unlike him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Himari put the vase filled with colorful flowers on the nightstand by his bed. She swore Gaara had thrown her an empty glance, like he'd been warning her of something by crushing the boy's leg. She needed time to process what had transpired in the arena today. With a sniffle, the young girl dried her wet cheeks with the back of her hands.

"I am so sorry, Lee," she sobbed. "Please, get well and don't give up."

She couldn't stay here anymore. Her friend had been hurt today, and Himari felt as if she took a part of the blow, in pain. Lee didn't deserve that. Her fists clenched at her side. She wouldn't let that one go. Not this time.

...

He visited him.

The moment he stepped into the room, the redhead smelled her lingering scent in it. An emotion tugged at his heart. He didn't want her to care for anyone else. He didn't want to share her attention. She'd been here and the thought of her at his bedside angered him. The subtle scent of azalea flowers tickled his nose. A kind of flower that didn't grow in the desert and Himari's favorites. A vase filled with them rested on the nightstand.

"Kill him."

Mother's voice echoed in his head. His sand moved in his gourd, apprehensive at the thought of its next kill. Still, he hesitated. Himari wouldn't like it. He didn't like to see her upset at him, like the day he killed that man at the market.

"You smelled it too," insisted Mother. "His disgusting smell was all over her, last night. He'll steal her from us."

A gut-wrenching feeling ripped him in half at the simple thought of it. She'd almost left him when her father's contract ended, and Gaara saw the way she looked at this village, with amazement and affection.

"She like it here," said Mother, confirming his fears. "Wouldn't be too difficult for that boy to convince her to stay."

"She wouldn't leave me," he whispered. Doubt reached his mind. "Would she?"

Mother's chuckles resonated in his head. "Just kill him. Like that, there'll be no place for doubt anymore. She won't leave us for a cadaver."

It looked reasonable to him. That way, she wouldn't leave him.

"You're right, Mother."

If only that loudmouth blond hadn't ruined his plans.

...

Himari couldn't believe it. As if putting him in a hospital's bed wasn't enough, Gaara had tried to kill him. Baki dismissed her after informing her of his attempt, leaving her room to sort things out with Lee's sensei as a simple misunderstanding from their part.

"But it wasn't a misunderstanding," she had argued.

"The boy is still alive, isn't he?" Baki's curt reply had come out.

She had shaken her head, upset. "Only because Lee's friends stopped him!"

"Go back to your room, Himari," he had ordered her. As she was about to protest again, shaking with anger, he'd thrown her a stern glance. "Let me deal with it."

Since, she'd been pacing in her bedroom with a helpless feeling clutching at her heart. It wasn't the monster's sole choice this time. It had also been Gaara's choice. He could have stopped as Lee laid on the arena's ground, defeated and vulnerable. But he didn't. He'd crushed his leg. His dreams. He'd enjoyed his screams of pain.

Gaara appeared in her bedroom without a warning. With pursed lips, Himari confronted him. At the moment, she didn't have the compassion necessary for kind words and understanding. He'd been wrong. So wrong. Now, and before.

"Did you try to kill him, Gaara?" she asked, her voice shaking with anger.

She wanted to hear him say it, the truth. She wanted to hear the words coming out from his mouth. After a minute, he didn't offer her an answer, but his silence told her everything she had to know. A strangled sob escaped her.

"You wanted to," she whispered, horrified.

He frowned. "He touched you. You're mine-"

"I'm not yours," she shrieked, panic rising in her throat as the adrenaline ran up her veins. Fear slowly consuming her. "You don't own me, Gaara. I'm not a thing."

She'd been passive about it for too long. She couldn't say if it had been out of fear or stupid blindness, but one thing was sure. She couldn't let it go anymore. He'd changed for her, but she was only an exception to the rule.

A ghoulish smile twisted his lips at her outburst. Gold speckles shined in his irises as a dark creepiness contorted his face. He never showed her that facet of him as he purposefully knew that it scared her. They'd been playing games of play-pretend for too long.

"But I could," he chuckled darkly. "I could keep you with me, always. And nobody would dare to stop me from doing it. I would tie you to me. You would never leave me."

Hot tears fell from her eyes, blurring her vision. He would do it. She saw it in his eyes glowing with a possessiveness that knew no limits. Pain ripped her heart in shreds. Their friendship crumbled before her eyes.

"But I would hate you for it," she managed to choke out. And he'd lose her definitively. Sometimes, you had to sacrifice a piece of yourself to survive. "Get out, Gaara. And don't come near me anymore."

His expression hardened.

"Fine."

He left.

...

The day after, a single trail of blood doomed them all.

The Uchiha boy succeeded at landing a blow at Gaara's face. From that moment, things turned to hell. By her side, Kankuro's eyes were haunted with a hint of fear as Gaara's control started to slip. It wouldn't end well. Himari clutched at the metal ramp until her knuckles turned white.

"What are they waiting for to intervene?" she asked, anxious.

"That's what I was trying to avoid," murmured Kankuro, deep in his thoughts. He wasn't specifically addressing her.

As she turned around, a strangled gasp escaped her lips. Stunned, Himari stared at the bodies laying around the coliseum's benches. She'd been so absorbed in the fight that she hadn't notice it before. The corpses weren't moving. Shock took over her body as she started to shake uncontrollably.

"Are they d-d-dead?"

"Don't panic, Himari. They're just sleeping."

As if in a trance, Kankuro slowly got a hold of his puppet without giving her a single glance. The coliseum shook from a powerful blast. A few seconds later, Temari appeared by Kankuro's side, and her teal eyes locked on her.

"Why isn't she sleeping?" she snapped at the puppeteer accusingly. "She can't be awake for the second phase."

"Why aren't you panicking?" asked Himari, panting. "Everybody is asleep, Gaara is losing it and-"

Another tremor shook the ground under her feet. She grabbed at the metal ramp to stabilize herself. A part of the coliseum crumbled under her eyes. Internally, she was freaking out. If she didn't calm herself, she would start to hyperventilate until she passed out. A lavender scent would appease her nerves and-

"I'm sorry, Himari," apologized Kankuro, a hint of guilt in his eyes. "We're just carrying the orders."

Temari pushed her brother on the shoulder, her mouth twisted in an angry snarl. "She isn't safe," the blond hissed at him. Swear words flowed out of her lips before a furious sigh ended it. Temari turned to her. "Stay here, Himari. Don't move. We'll be back."

The ground wasn't shaking anymore. Only a worrying silence stalled in the coliseum. Gaara had left, out of sight. Temari cursed.

"Let's go, Kankuro," she ordered. "We have wasted enough time."

Before Himari could protest, the sand siblings were gone. Her stunned gaze trailed over the bodies lying on the ground. She blinked as much time as she could, only to reopen her eyes on motionless bodies scattered around like lifeless puppets. None of them woke up after she shook them carelessly by the shoulder. They didn't even flinch, no matter how hard she pinched their arms. An animalistic screeched sliced the air. She tensed. After that, she didn't think.

In a matter of seconds, she was tracking down the trails of sand that marked the forest's utter destruction, with the hope it would lead her to Gaara. She had to reach him.

She had to.

...

She wasn't the claustrophobic type but being trapped in a cocoon of killer sand did that to people.

At the top of the beast, Gaara's unconscious form hadn't reacted to her desperate screams. He couldn't hear her. And when she'd tried to get closer, climbing the beast's sandy paw, the fox had chosen that moment to sink its teeth deep into the beast's shoulder. In a matter of a blink, debris flew at her and violently knocked her off her spot. She was falling.

Until she wasn't anymore.

She struggled for air. Around her, the sand moved as one entity. For a moment, she stayed still like a petrified animal at the sight of a predator. Wary, she squinted at the moving sand. Weirdly, it wasn't attacking her. As she painfully sat up, a metallic taste spread in her mouth. Her forearm bent in a weird kind of way. Smalls cuts were displayed on her body and something sharp had pierced a noticeable hole into her abdomen, bleeding. Panic rose in her throat and with her uninjured arm, she started to bang against the sand walls.

"Let me out!"

The sand didn't react at her outburst, only reconstructing itself after each of her blow. Rapidly, her body tired. She felt weak. Tears formed in her eyes. Her forehead dropped against the sand as a sob burst out of her. She missed her home. She wanted her mom's warm embrace and soft words to reassure her.

"Please," she pleaded. "Let me out."

A few seconds later, she blacked out.

...

The sound of the wind woke her up.

Dry air scratched her airways. She coughed. With a groan, Himari forced her eyes to open. The ground shifted under her body like a waterbed as she raised up in a seated position. She didn't recognize the place filled with sand and darkness. Before she could ask if anyone was there, a form appeared before her. His eyes gleamed with that malevolent intent and gold speckles she'd often seen on Gaara's features.

"Who are you?" she rasped.

Her throat was dry and a part of her knew the answer to her own question. The sand moved, lifting her up so she could meet the beast's eyes. She stabilized herself, slightly anxious at the idea of being so far from the ground. A low chuckle resonated in the strange place.

"I'm Shukaku, the One-Tailed beast and Lord of the Desert Lands," he announced with a grin, as if to purposefully show her his sharp teeth. "We're finally meeting, girl."

"Please, let me out."

"So polite," he chuckled. "You're to stay here until the fight is over. It's the safest option."

"So, I'm trapped here?" she protested. "I'm a prisoner?"

The cloud of sand dissolved under her, and she sled down until her feet roughly touched the ground. With her injuries in mind, she put a hand to her abdomen only to find out she wasn't injured anymore.

"I'm healed?" she stuttered, stunned by the absence of wounds or bleeding hole in her stomach.

"You aren't," replied the beast with an annoyed tone. "It's the physical form of your conscience that you see, right now."

Now that he said it, she noticed her clothes weren't the same as the ones she put on this morning, before heading to the coliseum. A flowy dress with floral patterns grazed her ankles. She recognized the dress. At around ten years old, when her family used to live in the Land of Water, she'd wore this dress every day for a week straight until her mother had to take it off her back to wash it. It used to be her favorite.

Himari tilted her head towards the beast.

"Am I… dead?" she asked.

His amused laugh echoed in the room, bouncing against invisible walls.

"No, you're not dead, girl."

Everything seemed so real. She could feel the air filling her lungs, the harsh sensation of the sand's grains against her soft skin, the illogical sound of the desert's wind.

She frowned, confused.

"Then, what about you?" she replied. "Are you real?"

"As real as you are. I'm a small fragment of my own conscience."

The beast seemed to get tired of answering all her questions. With a sigh, his gigantic form shrank down until he reached the size of a wild bear. She didn't dare to approach him, still intimidated. Himari wasn't a fool enough to think that his reduced size made him any less dangerous.

"Please," she pleaded again, hoping that he would listen to her. "Let me return to my body. I need to help him."

"I will, girl." Like a big cat, he stretched his limbs before lying down, his hefty tail around him. "The fight's going to end soon."

"I can't wait until then," she urged. "It will be too late."

He didn't reply. His head laid on his paws as he rested, his eyes closed. The urgency of the situation seemed to wipe off her judgement, because she took a handful of sand and threw it at his head.

Two golden slits pined her in place, murderous. Himari figured that if he had wanted to hurt her, he would have done so a while ago. With a deep breath, she glared back at him.

"You have the power to stop this," she hissed. Her hands grabbed the fabric of her dress tightly enough to create permanent wrinkles. "Please, make it stop."

"And ruin all the fun?"

"Fun?" she repeated, dumbfounded by his lack of empathy. "People are getting hurt. There's nothing to enjoy."

He chuckled darkly. "I'm not excepting you to understand, girl."

"And what about Gaara? He's persuaded you are his mother's voice and-"

"He knows I'm not," he scoffed, annoyed. "The boy is just choosing to believe so because his weak mind can't bear the fact she died. But thrust me, girl. Deep down, he knows what I am."

"You don't understand," she sighed, angry at him. "You can't just keep me here against my will. It's cruel-"

Her voice died. The words got stuck in her throat.

"Cruel, isn't it?" he mocked.

Unless, the beast didn't look as amused as he tried to make it sound. The young girl looked around her, at those endless walls of blackness and solitude. A thought hit her. All these years, he'd been as alone as Gaara had been, screaming in the little boy's head for no one to hear him. Himari pondered. When was the last time his paws had touched real sand? The thought contorted her lips in a saddened smile. Often in the fairytales, the beast's feelings were forgotten. Ignored. The dragon's head was sliced, the sea monster's heart got pierced by a lance, and the evil troll ended with an unfair death. Gaara wasn't the only one in need of a band-aid. Or of a gentle hand reaching to him.

"Yes, it is cruel," she murmured. "I'm sorry."

He'd been alone. Caged like an animal in a boy's body without a say. Maybe he wasn't all that innocent in the past, but he still didn't deserve such a cruel treatment. Isolated, muzzled and trapped. I want to appease him, she thought. In the blink of an eye, her form materialized at his side. Startled, he growled like a feral cat. His body didn't budge, as if he waited for her next move to pounce. When she raised her hand towards his head, the beast hissed furiously at her.

"Don't touch me, girl," snarled the beast. "What's the matter with you?"

Himari didn't listen to him. Softly, she patted his head. He tensed under her touch as if she'd just threw him in a basin of cold water. Then, gradually, a series of loud purrs reverberated in his body. Unconsciously, his tail engulfed her legs in a warm embrace, as if he was now scared she'd leave. Warm tears filled her eyes until they trailed down freely on her cheeks.

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she scratched him behind an ear. "All this time. It must have been so lonely."

Suddenly, her legs gave up under her. Himari rested against the beast's body, seeking its warmth. Some of her tears fell on him, darkening the sand. Her eyelids fluttered, heavy with sleepiness. Her body felt heavy as a yawn stretched her jaw.

"It wasn't your fault, foolish girl," he growled.

"But I didn't realize," she murmured as darkness started to engulf her mind. "From now on, I'll stay with you too. You won't have to be alone. Not anymore."

As she lost consciousness, Shukaku nudged tenderly the girl's head with his nose.

...

That day, Naruto punched Gaara's face so hard that the redhead woke up from the pain. But it is unknow to most that it was the girl's kind words that melted the beast's heart. Since she was the most precious of flowers.