Disclaimer: Sunrise
Tokyo, September 2020
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People were starting to clean up and preparing to go to the main event at the main square. At the end of the festival, the event would be focused on the main stage. Usually the rundown was pretty much like a few hours of free time, where some students who wanted to do performances would take the stage and do whatever they wanted to do; singing, dancing, stand-up comedy, a confession, were on top of the list. Sometimes people anticipate the birth of new couples in this event.
Kira had thought that he would spend the rest of the festival with Athrun or Lacus or his other classmates. Instead, here he was, sitting at the stairs with the one he had been looking for. That was unpredictable, but he wouldn't trade this chance for anything.
But even though he was the one who called out to her first, now that he had the privacy and chance to talk to her about anything, he didn't know how to start, again.
They used to be so close, no secrets, staying strong and trying to keep on living, together.
"That was cool!" Cagalli suddenly started. "I heard from Athrun. To be the runner up on the Judo inter high. I didn't know you had it in you, Kira. You used to hate fighting, and you've always prevented me from fighting." She was smiling, the feeling was genuine, but there was a little hint of uncertainty in her voice.
Hearing the topic she chose for the start of their conversation, Kira smiled. "Didn't I promise you that I will become stronger so I can protect you?" he replied.
Cagalli didn't answer back. Would Kira still want to protect her knowing how she had become now? She genuinely felt like she was on a different level than Kira. She wasn't sure if Kira would still want her as his sister after knowing the truth.
"I'm sorry…"
"What are you apologizing for?" Cagallli suddenly exclaimed. Kira did nothing that caused him the need to apologize.
"I left you alone in the foster care. I told them that I don't want to go without you, but the adoption data system made the deputy couldn't recommend you to be adopted. I tried to convince my foster parents to take you with me after a few months with them. But they said you were already taken by another family. Those people who worked there enclosed your data so tightly; even my parents couldn't ask where you were."
"Really?" Cagalli didn't know about that. "I guess Grandpa and Grandma tried so hard to protect me, huh?" She mused. She felt a surge of gratitude for her grandparents, even more than before.
Even though it didn't really work in the end, she thought bitterly.
"So you really were with Grandpa and Grandma?" Kira asked the thing that had been on his head for weeks.
Cagalli nodded to his question, but something made her question him back, "Did you know about me staying with them?"
"Actually I went to that foster care again by myself."
"Huh? When?"
"Last month. I called them before and asked about the ones who adopted you. But they won't tell me unless they can confirm that I'm the real Kira Hibiki—they said I'm the only one our grandparents had allowed them to share about your information," Kira explained. "Since the only way was to go directly to the institution, I went there alone. That's why I know you were staying with them. I remembered where they used to live, so I went there too. But the neighbors said they passed away years ago, and their land is already sold to another family."
Cagalli scoffed, as expected of her, she thought. But she was touched that Kira was actually looking for her. And she felt bad, since she broke her own promise to look for him.
"So I lost your track there. Nobody knows where you've gone," Kira concluded. "I was going to ask the teacher of your junior high school, but haven't got the chance. Though they might not know anything, I feel like it's better than doing nothing." Kira's eyes went far away to the day he went back to their hometown, "Now that I think about it, on the day I went back to Mito was the day Athrun asked me to go join him on a group study with Lacus and his other friend. Had he told me your name, maybe we could meet sooner, right?"
"Ah, that day," Cagalli also remembered it clearly. "Me too. It was the first time Athrun and Lacus mentioned your name. At first I thought it was just another person with the same name. But I couldn't let it go without making sure if it was you or not. That's why I came here today."
Hearing that, Kira was glad. To him, that sounded like Cagalli actually wanted to see him again, and she didn't hate him for leaving her.
Looking at her, Kira suddenly realized something. "By the way, why are you wearing our school's uniform? You're not studying here are you? I must have seen you once if you do."
Dammit, she forgot about the uniform and Athrun's plan. With a red face she replied hastily, "Lacus lent them to me. The story is too long so you better off not knowing," she threw her face away from Kira, which confused him.
But he paid no mind to it and said instead, "But it feels nice," Kira grabbed her hand, "Like we are back to the time when we were going to school together." He leaned down, his head touching Cagalli's, and she leaned back, relieving the feel of her brother "So you are staying in Tokyo too now? Who are you living together with? Which school are you going to?"
Cagalli' s face hardened. The least question she wanted Kira to ask, and finally he asked it.
And Kira realized it too, that Cagalli's composure stiffened at his questions. He was confused, but then even more as Cagalli scooted away from him, and tried to pull her hand away.
"What's it?" Kira tightened his grip on her hand, not letting go. He felt like if he let her go even for a second, she would be gone again and he might not be able to see her again, though he tried to shove down the fear.
While Cagalli was racking her head on how to tell Kira how she ended up the way she was now. The story was so long and a little bit complicated, she didn't know how to start. Gulping in nervousness and slight fear, she tried with one thing. "I'm not going to school," she finally said.
"What? Why?"
"I… actually live with a complete stranger, who's generous enough to let me stay with him—"
Kira's face hardened. Of all the scenarios he had thought could happen, she was living with a complete stranger, a man, no less? "Him? What are you—"
"It's not like what you think!" Cagalli exclaimed, guessing what Kira was thinking as she mentioned a stranger and a man. Okay, so that wasn't the best approach to the subject, but the cat was out of the bag now. "He's… maybe you can say he has become like my current guardian, in a sense, not officially though. He's letting me stay with him, and he helped me get a job so I can... at least make ends meet."
"A job? You are working instead of going to school? Why?"
"I don't have any guardians after Gramps left this world."
"But the land was sold already. You should be able to—"
"It was Mother." Cagalli spatted. "She was the one who sold it; I didn't get anything from it." Reflexively, Cagalli pulled her hand from Kira's and pulled her legs together, hugging herself. "I don't know what happened to her after that and don't want to know."
Seemed like something bad happened between their mother and Cagalli, and from her gestures, she was still unwilling to tell Kira about it. Even if Kira was dying to know about it, looking at Cagalli now, he probably wouldn't get anything out of her. Curiousity almost get to him, but he refrained himself, thinking that he thought it would be better to let Cagalli feel at ease first.
Well, they still have time, right? He wouldn't be going anywhere, and so was she. They could talk anytime, now that she was in his life again.
Since he had promised that this time, he was the one who would protect her.
Scooting closer to her, Kira pulled his sister to an embrace. Now, all he wanted was to chase away that cloudy look on her face. "I'm sorry for leaving you there. I'm sorry you had to do a lot of things just to make ends meet. And I'm sorry you had to face Mother again. But I'm here now. I won't let you go again, Cagalli-nee. Whatever happens, I will definitely stay in your life from now on."
"Kira…"
"It was hard for you, wasn't it? Staying strong alone and just keep going on," giving a light pat on her back, with a low voice, he repeatedly said, "It's okay now."
Cagalli only responded by leaning more into Kira, and hid her face at his shoulder. It has been a while since they were together, but—maybe since they were twins—Kira always knew her so well. If something had upset her, he wouldn't push her and would just be with her or hold her close.
At first, Cagalli kept her hands on her legs, but slowly she let them go, and her hands were fisting Kira's shirt instead. Kira could tell she gripped them so tightly since he could feel the fabric slightly being pulled.
"It's okay, it's okay."
A small whimper came out of her muffled lips. As Kira hugged her tighter, the whimpers turned into high, rough but still restrained wail. Cagalli has been holding back on everything, so much that it felt painful even to let go of her pain.
Kira never saw Cagalli cry her heart out. Even when she cried, she would never let out a wail or bawling her eyes out. She would cry while keeping a smile on her face, or just letting out a few tears while trying to stay strong, never like this.
And Kira blamed himself for the life his sister had to go through until now. He always had it easy. Before when their family was still a normal one, their parents sometimes praised him more than Cagalli since he excelled in academics. When he was bullied, Cagalli would always protect her, and got scolded by the teachers later while he would get away with it. So was it when their parents turned into chaos, Cagalli would always cover for him while he was the one being protected. And then he got adopted first while she was left by herself in foster care. He got a nice family while Cagalli was alone after their Grandparents left her, and still had to deal with their mother.
He had his family and friends, while Cagalli was all alone.
Gritting his teeth, a lone tear fell from Kira's eye.
He always had it easy, while Cagalli always had to struggle.
He was always in the light, while she was always in the shadow.
But Kira wouldn't let this go on. He would stay with her and make for all the time they were apart. This time, he would make her happy.
"Cagalli," Athrun called out as Kira and Cagalli went down and met up with him and Lacus. He half-ran, straight to Cagalli and held his hand out. His fingers swept lightly just below her eye, worried for seeing the redness on them.
He actually went upstairs once and saw the scene where Kira was hugging Cagalli as she was crying her heart out. He was nearby since somehow he got worried, so much for giving them privacy. But as he heard the heart wrenching sob from her, Athrun couldn't help but to reach out for her. Only when he saw them he realized that Kira was there, and Cagalli should be okay. Kira saw him too and just nodded to him that he got nothing to be worried about.
"I'm okay," she tried her best to smile a carefree smile. Even though she had been crying and the smile was a little off, Athrun could see that there was a much lighter tone to her voice.
"I'll have to go home now; I need to catch the bus. They stop running after 9," Cagalli said as she looked out the window that it was already dark. The festival was already over, and most students already went home. Only some people who still needed to clean up, and members of the student councils were left. "Lacus, can you help me change again?"
"Of course. Follow me, I have to get your outfit first," Lacus smiled at Kira, and then walked away with Cagalli in tow.
"How was it?" Athrun asked Kira.
"There are still some things that we haven't talked about, but we still got time. I can see her again anytime, right? I don't want to rush her to explain. And I want to enjoy my time with her too, to make up for the lost time."
Athrun could only nod at Kira's words. Cagalli just met him today, and she must be still in quite a shock to finally see him, her long lost brother. Maybe it would be better to let her rest for a while.
"We are scheduling another group study this weekend. But if you want to talk again with her…"
"Nah, I'll join you. I want to give her some time, she seemed puzzled to open up about our mother; I think something happened between them. But I want to know her better too, and catch up in lighter situations. So I think the group study is a nice start."
"Okay then," Athrun smiled. He was looking forward to his weekend more and more. First with Cagalli, and now with Kira joining them. And to think they both were twins, something that Athrun would never have imagined. A girl he met by accident, was actually his best friend's sister.
"You guys have been hanging around her for so long, and never even cared to tell me about her?" Kira pouted. If they did, he would have been able to see her even sooner and didn't have to trace his way back to Mito again.
"We wanted to, but since you were busy with the tournament and all, we haven't had the chance to," Athrun answered sheepishly.
"You know Cagalli doesn't go to school right? But why is she joining a group study with you?"
"She didn't tell you? She's taking an exam this year for upper secondary proficiency, so she could go to college. She still hasn't given up her dream, and Lacus was the one who suggested to help with her study, and I only helped a little bit. I thought that's admirable." Athrun told Kira with somehow a proud tone, like he was bragging about Cagalli.
"Athrun."
"Yeah?" Athrun turned his head to look at Kira, who was looking at him with an unreadable expression.
"That girl who caught your attention, the one you were talking when you were at my house, when we coded a program for your robot," Kira said with a straight face, "It's Cagalli, right?"
"It is…" Athrun answered slowly, but he didn't continue when Kira's face turned into a scary expression.
"Athrun, now let me tell you something. I like you, you are my best friend, but I just got my sister back. You told me nothing is going on between you two, and now I hope it stays like that." Now he was face to face with Athrun, who was confused with his sudden change of mood.
"What? Why?" Athrun put both his hand palm side front, as if trying to prevent Kira from getting closer.
With a deadly stare, Kira asked in low, serious voice, "Do you have any feelings for my sister?"
Athrun opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. Did he like her? He didn't know. Was he attracted to her? Well, for certain reasons, he admitted he did. Does that mean he liked her then…?
"Kira," he heard Cagalli's voice calling his friend's name. Immediately, Kira's scary face turned into a warm smile, while he walked towards his sister. Athrun sighed, feeling kinda relieved that Cagalli had saved her from having to answer Kira's question.
There, Cagalli came with her original clothes, and Lacus was behind her with a paper bag with her uniform she lent to Cagalli earlier.
Looking at her, she was a little bit calmer than before. Maybe she had some words with Lacus that made her cool down. Lacus did have that kind of effect on people. It still felt kinda surreal for him that in one day, a big truth was laid open, from people who were so close yet so far at heart.
Her puffy eyes still made Athrun worried. Her amber eyes were rimmed with redness for crying. She looked calmer, but somewhat there was still a trace of sadness there.
And with Kira's earlier question, Athrun was suddenly hit with realization of what made him attracted to Cagalli.
The day he met her and crossed eyes with her for the first time, he was attracted by a sense of strength in them, yet there was also an underlying loneliness in there, like the eyes of someone who had been through a lot.
And she had been through a lot.
Yet she was still able to smile so care-freely, still offering a hand to help him, and still thriving for her dream while struggling just to survive. Like a strong wild flower that struggled to bloom in the spring even if it was buried deep in the snow.
And what a beautiful flower she was.
Cagalli was different from anyone else he had known, after all that happened in her life; it made her stronger and it all showed in her eyes. Yet it also made her somewhat breakable, like when he saw her looked so vulnerable back then at the class. And it was just reaching out to him; he wanted to be there for her, not just to protect her but also to see her smiling everyday.
As he was staring at her, whom was chatting with his brother a few steps away from him, just thinking about it all made his heart flutter in a strange, unfamiliar way.
"I'll just talk a bit with my class' rep and then I'll go with you to the station." Athrun heard Kira answer his sister, "Can you wait here?"
"Sure, sure," she replied.
Athrun followed Kira to his class to get their belongings and prepare to go home. A few steps away from the girls, Kira called to Athrun, "Our conversation is not over yet."
Athrun gulped. He could only hum a response to show that he understood. Dammit, he thought he had gotten away from it. He never saw Kira so serious about things beside Judo. But now he could see that Kira Yamato was even more serious of a person when it came to his sister.
I'm sorry it took quite long...
I hope I described it enough for Kira and Cagalli. I teared up a bit imagining the scene, but not sure if I deliver enough. And now you know why the title is Light and Shadow.
I'll see you next chapter,
Cheers~
