Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all, and I am making no money from this what so ever.
Chapter Nine:
Hearts and Owls
I stood with him on the edge of Hogsmeade, hand in hand by the turnstile we'd rested Sirius near. For a while we simply stared out at the hill that surrounded the village.
Then, at some unspoken signal, we both turned to face each other. Immediately our eyes locked, and the scenery disappeared. I felt my breath catch in my chest before growing shallow. His gaze was hypnotic.
"Lily….." he started.
Gently I placed my forefinger on his lips to say words weren't necessary. As I lowered my hand, he brushed a lock of flame red hair behind my ear. Where his finger-tips brushed, a trail of electric tingles followed, sending an almost erotic shiver down my spine. I closed my eyes, revelling in the sensations given by his close proximity.
I opened them again to instantly have awareness float away into his hazel pools. His face moved closer. Instinctively we both tilted our heads slightly to the right, and closed our eyes.
As our lips connected I felt his soft breath, and smelt his delicious spicy scent. For a moment we held still in a chaste kiss, before our tongues started to explore each others mouths. My hand went over his shoulder, and my fingers entwined in his messy black hair.
"Lily," a voice called.
Dimly I registered that the man who was kissing me so sweetly couldn't have called my name. That information seemed unimportant as the kiss was deepened.
"Lily," it called again, and this time I was being shaken.
My eyes snapped open. I did not, however, find myself on the edge of Hogsmeade, but with my head resting in my arms and a charms text splayed out in front of me.
"James," I mumbled in sleepy confusion.
"Not quite," smooth, laughing tones replied. "It's Remus."
I lifted my head and shook it to remove the sleep induced fog which seemed to have settled. Surveying my surroundings, I remembered I was in the library. I'd picked a secluded little corner to revise what I'd missed the previous day.
"How long?" I asked groggily.
"Well, if we didn't have a free afternoon, you'd be late," he said.
After squeezing my eyes shut, and shaking my head again, I looked at my companion. He was sat next to me, smiling his small lop-sided grin, and his eyes…. His eyes were twinkling like Albus Dumbledore's.
"What?" I asked warily. It was never a good sign if Remus looked like he knew more than he should.
"Late night was it?" he enquired. "When did you get to bed? About one?"
"What makes you say that?" I queried, with more than a little trepidation.
"It's just it was about that time Prongs woke us up," he informed me casually. "By bouncing around the room like an over-excited toddler.
"Apparently, he'd just kissed Lily Evans." His voice was calm, even nonchalant, but he struck me with a meaningful glare.
"Only on the forehead," I retorted defensively.
"And demure Miss Evans," he continued, ignoring me. "Read innuendo into an innocent suggestion. A suggestion she, herself, had made."
I had nothing to say to this. It was true, I couldn't deny it. Yet I was uncomfortable to think about it. In fact, it had kept me up the rest of the night trying to figure it out when my hatred of Potter, and everything he did, allowed him to kiss me anywhere. I hadn't got very far. I knew that his childish pranks and blatant bullying left me sick to my stomach, but when we were alone everything seemed so right.
All I really knew for certain was that I didn't want to talk about this right now. Especially not with one of James' best friends.
I quickly gathered my books together and rose from the table. "I'll see you later Remus," I mumbled and started to make a sharp exit
A hand on my arm stopped me.
"Lily?" I could hear the concern in his voice. "Are you okay?"
I turned to him, nodding. "Yes, I'm fine. Just busy."
"Busy?!" he said sceptically. He took my books with one hand and guided me back into the chair with the other.
Taking the seat next to me again, he looked straight into my emerald eyes. "Talk to me."
"I really don't want to talk about it," I said, knowing that I wasn't going to get away with that.
"Lily, we're friends. That means that we share things, and can be an ear for the other when needed. Like yesterday.
"So, what's going on?"
I knew from the intensity of his stare I wouldn't be able to tell him anything but the truth. Damn him and his perceptive nature, I thought, but I knew that he was only trying to help.
"I don't know," I replied simply. "I have no idea."
Remus didn't say a word. His mouth just curled into his little half-smile and he waited patiently for me to continue.
I sighed. "So far I've decided I still hate Potter. He's all the things I've always said he is: arrogant, self-centred and vain…..but, somehow, James is different.
"James is sweet, kind, funny, and the world seems perfect when he's near me. That innocent little kiss was lovely." I closed my eyes remembering the delicate warmth his lips had brought.
When I opened my eyes, Remus' were sparkling, and his eyebrows were raised.
"So you see the problem," I implored.
He shook his head. "No."
"No," I repeated in disbelief. "I despise Potter with a passion, but could easily fall for James.
"The only problem is that they're the same person!"
"Not quite Lily," he said, as if explaining to a young child. "The personality who've dubbed 'James' is the boy I became friends with. That's the true James Potter, and I'm glad you've seen a glimpse of him at last.
"'Potter', as you call the other personality, is a mask. It's not him, it's just a face he presents to the world."
I took a few moments to absorb this information. Trying to put the pieces of the James Potter jigsaw together.
"How do I know that 'Potter' is the mask? How do I know it's not the other way around? After all this sweet side is a new development," I asked, wondering if this was another ruse to get me to go out with him.
Remus chuckled. "You'll just have to get to know him, won't you."
A comfortable silence fell between the two of us. I bit my lower lip, and tried to absorb this information.
"And Snape?" I asked. "Is he part of the mask?"
Remus looked surprised at my line of questioning, but answered anyway. "No, he truly hates Snape, just as Snape hates him. You only see one side of it. I'm not defending some of the things that James has done, but Snape is just as bad.
"It's a case of six of one, and half a dozen of the other. I'm not sure if they'll ever find a truce."
I nodded, taking in what he was saying. "And why does James need a mask?"
"Because of who his family are. James is from a very prominent and very wealthy pureblood family. After all his mum is Minister for Magic, and his dad runs Gringotts."
"And?"
"And so, he's the heir of a fortune." Remus continued in his infuriatingly patient air. "The mask is what everyone expects James to be like, confident and self-assured."
"Arrogant and egotistical," I quipped.
Remus smiled, "Yes.
"It is also a protective layer. If people don't try and look past that image then he knows not to bother them. That they just want to say they are James Potters friend.
"Prongs in one of the most popular students, not because of his character, but because of his name."
Remus fixed me with a penetrative amber glare once more. "That's one of the reasons why he likes you so much Lily, because you're not impressed by who his parents are. You like people because of their heart, not their name."
"I didn't know James was so……." I mentally grasped blindly for the word. Unable to find one suitable I settled for, "…..insecure."
"He's not, he's just cautious," Remus explained. "Girls tend to throw themselves at him because he's a Potter, almost a celebrity. That's not what he wants.
"Believe me Lily, Prongs does not have a confidence problem."
I must have looked extremely confused, because his next words were, "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," I said automatically. My forehead creased as I tried to work out where James sat with me now. "It's just…..Good grief, potter has hidden depths!"
Remus smiled, but waited silently for me to elaborate.
"On Friday everything was so simple between us. I hated him, and he lived to drive me slowly into insanity. And now, now I've found out there's this whole other side to him."
"And that's a bad thing," he said slowly.
"No," I explained. "But everything's changed in the last for days. I need time to wrap my head around it all."
My friend nodded, "Of course."
"And don't tell him about this conversation."
"It'll stay between you, me, and the gatepost," he reassured me.
I smiled to show my gratitude. "Where is he anyway?"
"Trying to contact Black again," he said in calm even tones, but his face gave him away. His jaw set and his amber orbs hardened.
Realizing that Remus needed time as well I moved onto the safer topic of homework. We spent the rest of the afternoon studying and in idle discussion.
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Sirius refused to talk to James that afternoon, and all the next day. By Thursday James was almost frantic as his friend still refused to speak to him. Deep lines of worry were etched into his face, and he was talking into the mirror every chance he got.
After watching James being studiously ignored through Thursday lunch break, Remus snapped, "Just leave it James. If he's too immature to face us, then just leave it.
"He's not worth the effort."
Remus' unusually cruel words shocked me, but James took it calmly. It was another part of the unmasked James, the natural diplomat.
"I understand how you feel Moony," James empathized. "You're angry, and you have every right to be.
"But Sirius does too. He's been wronged as well, and I'm worried about him. I think it's cut him deeper than you're willing to realise."
"But if he won't talk to you Prongs, what so you hope to achieve?" Remus asked.
James shook his head sadly. "Nothing. Just to let him know that our friendship still stands. That I won't give up on him."
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Friday morning found me sat at the Gryffindor house table, next to Remus. James and Peter sat opposite us, Peter almost falling asleep in his porridge thanks to his astronomy class the night before. A class the rest of us had had the sense to drop.
James was talking into the mirror again, but we could hear snores from it. Sirius was obviously still asleep.
"Prongs, do you really think it's going to do any good to wake him up?" Peter yawned.
James shrugged, but put the mirror in his bag.
Just then a flurry of activity above us announced the post. A squat little owl landed next to Peter with a letter from home, both Remus and myself received barn owls with the daily prophet, and a large eagle owl landed gracefully in front of James. I recognized it as the same one that had delivered Sirius' letter to me on Monday. He looked at James with large doleful eyes as he removed his letter.
"Is it from Sirius?" I asked, allowing the owl to drink my pumpkin juice again.
James shook his head. A deeply puzzled expression appeared on his face as he unfolded his letter. "It's from Andromeda."
Remus suddenly became very interested in his fried breakfast, pushing a piece of bacon around his plate.
"What does it say Prongs?" Peter asked impatiently.
James expression turned from confusion to worry, and then to horror. The myriad of emotions playing on his thin face was enough to ignite even Remus' curiosity. Three pairs of eyes were fixed on James' now shocked and disbelieving features.
"What's wrong James?" I asked, feeling anxious. "Is it Sirius?"
He nodded, unable to find his voice.
"Prongs?" Even Remus sounded a little worried now.
James swallowed before starting to explain. "Andromeda says he's fallen into a depression. He hasn't eaten, and he's hardly spoken, since he arrived there.
"On Wednesday he received a howler from his mother. Screaming about him disgracing the family name again, and all the usual crap she comes out with. As well as a few well aimed taunts about his girlfriend realizing what a waste of space he is.
"That night he managed to get so drunk while Andromeda and Ted were out he ended up in St Mungo's with alcoholic poisoning. He was released yesterday morning, and immediately wrote to Dumbledore asking to withdraw from Hogwarts."
"What do you mean 'withdraw'?" Peter asked stupidly.
"He means drop-out Peter." I snapped. "What did Dumbledore say?"
"No decision has been made yet," James said slowly, as if he didn't believe the information he was relaying. "He's coming here, this afternoon, to discuss it with Dumbledore and McGonagall.
"Andromeda says she doesn't know what to do. She can't seem to get through to him."
James seemed lost, completely helpless, and it broke my heart. I reached across the table, took his hand, and squeezed it gently.
"Dumbledore and McGonagall will persuade him to stay," Remus said levelly, but it didn't seem to reassure James at all.
"We've got Transfiguration first," I told him. "We'll talk to McGonagall then."
He nodded and gave me a small smile, but he looked slightly sick.
"Come on," I said, retracting my hand, I grabbed my bag and stuffed my paper roughly into it. "We'll go now. Catch her before class starts."
We rose simultaneously and left the Great Hall together, leaving Remus and Peter to finish there meal.
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A/N: Hello all, I hope this finds you well.
Thanks as always to my reviewers Prongs; Black Emerald Dawn; marauding-seriously; elayna Fournier; Amalynne O'hara; YoshimiWolfspaw. You have no idea how your feedback brightens my day.
And once again I fall to my knees in front of you and plead for your reviews. I appreciate all your opinions and will answer any questions I can. Please tell me if you like or hate, I can't improve without your feedback, you lovely, lovely people.
Take care,
Gem
