A/N: I am going to warn you ahead of time. This chapter starts off sad but there is a good reason for the sadness. It will get better as the chapter goes on I promise.


Chapter 5: Coming to Terms with Reality

'Matthew Ryan Monroe'

1972-2006

Honorable Soldier, Beloved Son,

Brother and Friend

Friends and family stood around Matt's grave three days after Danny and Lindsay had arrived in Montana. They stood in the summer heat as the pastor blessed the grave sight. The Monroes' stood in the front row with Danny on the far end. Lindsay was beside him holding his hand tightly while she shed silent tears. In the attempt to comfort her, even though he knew it wasn't possible to do such a thing, he stoked her hand in soothing circles with his thumb. Lindsay's other hand was being held by her sister who was crying on Brad's shoulder. The formal ceremony ended was marked by the firing off of military guns. A moment of silence was spent with the crowds' heads bowed. After a few minutes people began to file out of the cemetery and drive off.

Chris and Kyle made their way to their son's grave and said their final goodbyes as did Becky Lynn and Brad. Then it came Lindsay's turn to say goodbye to her brother. She let go of Danny's comforting hand and slowly made her was to the grave stone.

"I love you so much, we all do, and I'll never stop," Lindsay whispered into the wind and laid a single rose on the gray marble stone, "You'll live on in our hearts forever."

Tears began to fall down her cheeks when she ran back to Danny's comforting arms. He enveloped her in a protective embrace and she rested her head on his shoulder. They stood there in the cemetery as Lindsay shed her tears for what seemed like eternity. The rest on the Monroe familybore witness for the first time to Lindsay's pain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Danny finally got Lindsay back to the guest house, he laid her down on the bed and lay down beside her. Her shaking and sobbing had stopped in the car and her breathing had returned to normal. Danny watched her as she drifted off to sleep. It was only then was she at peace with life. Over the past couple days there had been times when Danny wondered if things would ever return to normal. Even the glimpsed of hope were clouded with pain. Just the other day he had questioned whether he had made the right choice in influencing her to come home. Danny just wanted the old Montana her knew back; the one that worked hard, laughed, flirted with him, went out for a beer after shirt with him and Flack, etc. It's not that he didn't love her the way she was now; it just broke his heart to see her in the continuous emotional state.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lindsay awoke the next morning to find Danny's arms not around her. Her face was still sticky and tear-stained from the day before. She sat up, pushed the covers off of her and swiped her curls out of her face. Going to the dresser she pulled out a pair of jean shorts and a light blue tank-top with a Yankee logo on it. After she changed she headed out to the kitchen and grabbed some Aspirin. Her head was killing her and Lindsay suspected that it was from crying so much the night before. She swallowed the two pills down with a glass of water and picked up the note Danny had left her before he had left earlier that morning.

Montana-

Hope you're feelin' better, sweetheart. I didn't mean to leave you alone this morning after yesterday's events but I was summoned for duty! Brad and Becky asked be to baby-sit the twins while they went out a couple hours. I was going to bring ya with me but I didn't want to wake you and I figured these kids love me so I'd be alright! Enjoy the peace and quiet. I'll be back before you know it.

Danny

PS: Get some rest…don't have too much fun with out me!

Lindsay smiles for the first time in days. Over the past four or five days, Lindsay and Danny had spent much of their time at her sister's. To her amazement Danny had grown quite close to Jaime and Josh; not to mention they had taken to him pretty quickly. Lindsay could picture Danny with kids. He would make a great dad.

Since she had the day to herself, it didn't take Lindsay long to decide what she was going to do to keep herself busy. Retracing her steps she headed back to the bedroom; her destination, the closet. Lindsay bent down and lifter out the box with Matt's belongings in it. Then she went back to the living room and made herself comfortable on the couch. She opened it up and dug around, through its contents. After a few moments she pulled out the specific thing she was looking for. It was a bent and tiered envelope that had her name on the front. Lindsay opened it and pulled out a hand written letter.

Before now the envelope had had a note on it that said Lindsay wasn't allowed to read it until after Matt's funeral. Although she was skeptical, Lindsay had obeyed her brother's wishes. Now, the day after his funeral, Lindsay read what was written:

Dear Lindsay,

Hey Linds! By the time you read this I'll be gone. Sad as it is, you won't have anyone to make fun of you (but I think Danny can handle that!) or interrogate your boyfriends. I know you hate me right now for being funny, but you have to loosen up. Lindsay I might not be there physically, but I'll always be there in spirit. You're never going to get rid of me. I'm going to be there when you get married, when you have my niece or nephew, etc.

Promise me on thing though; don't spend your time crying, because you're not losing me. I need you to stay strong for mom, dad, Becky Lynn, Brad and the twins. Help me live on Linds, through you. Share our stories with Josh, Jaime and your kids someday, so they can remember me. I love you some much and I always will. I'll always be looking out for you. Spend you life with meaning and fun. Don't let my death be the cause of your lose of spirit and outlook on life.

Love you always and forever, Sis,

Matt

PS: On one last note, I don't believe you're going to be single much longer. I have a finny feeling that you're going to trade the Monroe name in for Messer, but I'm okay with that (just as long as I get an invitation to the wedding)! I like him Linds, though I'm afraid you've met your match (and it's about-darn-well time).

Once again, tears streamed down Lindsay's face as she finished reading her brother's letter, except these tears were tears of joy. She laughed at her the last sentence. It always had amazed her how Matt could make things enjoyable even in the worst of situations. Come to think of it, that was true of Danny too. Maybe that was why Matt seemed to like him. Matt's comments about Danny had been a way of reassuring her that he'd always be looking out for her even from Heaven. Although she hadn't expected Matt to mention Danny in his last letter to her, she wasn't that surprised at what Matt had said. In her recent letters, Lindsay had told Matt about the team and life in New York, but mostly she went on and on about Danny. She'd known he brother would approve and even though she hated to admit it, it was one of the reasons she was attracted to Danny. Nobody had ever been good enough for her in her brother's eyes, but just by description Danny had.

Though the letter Lindsay had finally come to terms with reality. She finally realized that her brother was right. Now she understood that she hadn't lost Matt. She had to make the best out of life and continue living it the way she had been. Lindsay decided she needed to stop crying and get on with life the was her brother asked her to, and she knew exactly where to start.


A/N:I am sad to say that after this one there is only two more chapters of this story….but don't worry there is going to be a sequel. I have it all planned out. Hope you liked it. Reviews are always welcome.