You don't know what you want anymore.
You stare at yourself for a minute or two on the mirror, examining who you are and trying to see somebody else on that damned thing. Who's that kid with dark hair, you whisper spitefully, who can't even decide what he wants for himself, who can't even protect the two most important people in his life, who can't even help a friend. You'd like to tell yourself that you don't know him, that what you're seeing right now is all but a lie, but unfortunately you're looking at yourself.
You take the red pen from your table outside and rush back into the shower. You write, I wish on your arm and then you pause, because you don't know how to continue. And then you remember a name: Fuuma. So you write it on your arm, on your legs, on every inch of skin you can reach until your body seemed like a bloody chalkboard of should-have-been's.
You turn on the shower, and start soaping yourself. They wash off the words on your body, but it's alright, because you haven't decided whether you should make them stay or not. You close your eyes, and feel the hot water pounding your back, your head--scalding your skin. But that's alright, too, because you've had worse; and your sleepy, tired eyes linger on your scars and then you understand why Subaru doesn't complain about those brands on the back of his hands.
When you're done you shut the water off and step out of the shower. You lean over the sink and brush your teeth and then you turn around and look for your towel. It's not there.
Frowning, you step out. And there he is, just like how you remembered him to be, with your towel on his hands. He takes you into his arms and dries you, and then takes you to your bed and then for a moment you are happy; happy happy so happy that you forget everything, and so does he.
The morning after you awake in your bed all alone.
The sky was cold, grey, distant, and unfeeling as you head outside; your clothes were black, your knees were weak, and your eyes were dim. They gathered around you and tried to talk to you and calm you down. You remember nodding and shaking your head, but you couldn't remember what they said, what they were talking about. You tried to give them a brave smile,but you're sure it'll shatter with a blink of his eye.
You take the Shinken(so heavy)with your hands.
You have a date with him today.
