Chapter 18 - Just a Little
A/N: Hey everyone! Hemza here with this week's update of Affinity! Hope you're all doing well, thanks as ever for your continued support of the story, we're extremely grateful and humbled as we see the view count rising! This weekend is a special one because as I write this A/N, we're sitting at 1,950 views on Fanfiction. As we like to do as a thank you for hitting big landmarks, we'll be looking to release Chapter 19 (titled "Empath It Is") once that number hits 2,000! (Which is nuts, seriously, you all rock). Anyways, enough from me, on with what you came here for!
The sun was close to setting as Emiko and the group trudged the last stretch towards the camp. She bounced around happily, a swatch of fabric from her shirt wadded up in her nostril to soak up the blood, but otherwise fresh and unscathed, unlike the rest of her class, who were beaten and exhausted. Once they got in sight of the compound, they all stopped and collapsed.
She felt lighter than she had in a long time after deciding to just… let go for a week. She'd been holding onto so much tension, so much residual anger and shame from her devastating loss that she'd not allowed herself any time to just be near her friends and laugh freely. Each step through that vast expanse of wilderness lightened her heavy soul, let her breathe just a little easier.
"You said it would only be like 3 hours!" Sero complained, rolling his eyes back in his head.
"I guess we timed it based on how long it'd take us… sorry!" The auburn haired woman, who Emiko now knew was named Mandalay smiled, gazing out over the exhausted students. A blush formed across her cheeks and Emiko couldn't help the grin that crossed her own exhausted face.
"Now you're bragging about how much better you are? That's so mean!" Sato groaned, a few other sighs and disheartened mumbles erupting around her.
"I'm starving! THIS IS HELL!" Kirishima called out, and Emiko laughed at him, attempting to ignore the rumbling of her own stomach.
Pixie-Bob, the blonde, laughed in a meow, which drew some confused looks from the 1-A students.
"I thought it would take you kids even longer. But you did much better against my dirt monsters than I thought you would! You guys were seriously great! Especially… the four of you!" She cried out, pointing at Bakugou, Todoroki, Midoriya, and Iida. "It seems that you've had quite a bit of experience!"
The blonde seemed to lick her lips before leaping forward towards the confused quartet.
"I CALL DIBS ON THESE KITTENS!" she exclaimed. "I'll groom them myself!"
They all threw their arms up to protect themselves as she pranced around them excitedly. Emiko couldn't help but snort, watching with the rest of her classmates in rapt fascination.
Hm. That's… odd.
Just beyond her newly formed barrier, Emiko felt… something. She couldn't tell who or what it was at this distance, but she knew that something was lingering in the woods. She shook her shoulders loosely, choosing to ignore that feeling for a moment longer and allowed herself to turn her cheeks up to the rapidly setting sun.
Times like these, Emiko was incredibly thankful for her quirk. Though she was sure having a strength quirk or a mobility based quirk was nice, she'd never felt luckier than she did in this moment. As her classmates lay strewn around her, breathing heavily and covered in bruises, she smiled. Her hands clenched tightly at her side, joy bubbling up and through her.
"Uh, speaking of people's ages…" Midoriya began, before his face was once again engulfed by Pixie-Bob's large paw.
"Choose your next words carefully, boy," she threatened, and Izuku's eyes widened drastically and all the colour drained from his cheeks.
"I've just been wondering since we got here earlier, who's that kid? What's he doing here?" Midoriya asked, his voice muffled by the hero's glove, trembling fingers pointing towards the young boy who stood off to the side of Mandalay.
"Oh this little guy? He's my cousin's son who lives with us now," Mandalay explained. "Don't be shy, Kota, say hi to everyone! You're going to be around them for the next week."
Izuku, now released from Pixie-Bob's grasp, strode forward to greet the boy with a bright smile on his freckled face.
Emiko could sense the rise in the boy's anger swell at Midoriya's cheerful introduction. She watched, almost in slow motion, as the boys hand swung forwards in a fist, landing a blow right to Izuku's lower half.
Midoriya squealed in pain, his hands flying to hold the traumatized area as Iida rushed forward to console his friend, arms flailing about wildly. She felt laughter bubble up around her and she bit her lip to stop her giggles from escaping.
"WHAT A LOW BLOW! YOU FIEND OF A CHILD! A PUNCH TO THE SCROTUM IS UNFORGIVABLE!" the class rep cried, and Emiko let out a belly laugh, unable to hold it in a moment longer. Despite his pain, something about the scene unfolding in front of her was quite possibly the funniest thing she'd ever seen.
Kota looked over his shoulder at Iida and Midoriya, before spitting out his next words. "The last thing I want is to hang with some wannabe heroes,"
"WANNABE?!" Iida exclaimed. "How old are you, kid?!"
"That brat's got spunk," Bakugo huffed adoringly, a smirk on his face, which caused Emiko to snort loudly through her increasing laughter. She nudged him with her elbow, giving him a hopefully chastising look.
I mean, he's not wrong. Kid's tough, for sure.
"He's like a mini version of you," Todoroki muttered, softly rolling his eyes.
She kept laughing, watching as Katsuki turned to Shoto with anger in his eyes.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! YOU GOTTA SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEFORE I BLAST YOU ALL THE WAY TO HELL!" Bakugo yelled, sparks bursting forth from his palms.
Another snort burst from behind Emiko's lips, causing the two arguing boys to pause and look at her. Questioningly - as though she hadn't been snorting and giggling under her breath for the past few minutes. Her stomach ached and she felt her cheeks flush. Her right hand clasped onto Todoroki's arm, causing him to stumble underneath her weight. His eyes dropped down to her, taking in the flush in her cheeks.
She pulled her hand from his arm as quickly as she'd placed it there, wiping a few tears from her leaking eyes.
I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.
After everyone had stuffed themselves silly with the homemade dinner, they'd filtered into their respective bunks for the week. Emiko settled in on her futon, laying on her side facing Jirou. The quiet girl had a headphone placed snugly in her ear, and she grinned brightly as she caught Emiko glancing at her.
"Wanna listen? It's a playlist based on our classmates."
Emiko nodded eagerly, folding her arm under her head and accepting the offered earbud with a smile. She let the music wash over her, engrossed in just how perfectly Jirou had captured her classmates in song.
"This one's for Bakugo-" Jirou grinned wickedly, tapping a few times on her phone screen.
Loud drums and screams filled her ears, and Emiko let out a roar of laughter. "It's fucking perfect, oh my god!"
She tugged out her headphone, tossed it back towards her friend. "Guys, guys!" She called, the rest of the girls turning to look at her quizzically. "Listen to this!"
Kyouka played the song for the surrounding girls, and then played them the rest of the playlist. Tears were shed as the girls heard the songs that reminded Jirou most of them, Emiko included.
She didn't know when everyone else fell asleep, but she lay still on her futon with her arm folded over her eyes. She was exhausted, but sleep wouldn't come. Each time she shut her eyes, she was back in the alley. Back in the spot where she almost died and she couldn't- wouldn't go through that with everyone else around.
She sighed heavily, pushing herself up into a sitting position. She pulled her knees up to her chest and gazed around the darkened room, taking note of just how peaceful everyone looked bathed in moonlight. Soft snores filled the room, and Emiko smiled gently at the softly sleeping girls. Standing, Emiko wrapped a blanket around her shoulders, stepping gingerly over the lumpy forms of her friends under their blankets.
She slipped into the night, the cool summer air dancing across her bare legs. Just ahead, she spotted a tree in a clearing. Moving towards it, she let the bark grate down her back, folding her legs into the overhanging fabric she'd stolen from her bed.
"God, Emiko. You can't even sleep, how're you going to train tomorrow?" she whispered under her breath, groaning. She rested her forehead against her knees, breathing in the fresh mountain air.
There it is, again.
Just on the edge of her boundary, that unfamiliar presence lurked. She swung her gaze around, as if expecting to see someone standing in the darkened tree line, watching her. Her heartbeat picked up steadily as she tried to press the barrier in her mind just a little farther.
Just a little more, please. This isn't right. That doesn't feel like an animal - it's too… too angry to be anything that would live up here in these mountains.
She kept pressing, begging for her quirk to just give her a little bit more to work with. The rubber band in her mind snapped back time and time again, leaving her feeling dizzy and lightheaded with the strain. A headache grew and festered, and she eventually gave in with a sigh.
Should I wake Aizawa?
She sighed heavily, tilting her head to look up at the moon glowing overhead. She was so caught up in her thoughts and her disappointment she didn't hear the footsteps creeping up beside her until it was too late.
"Emiko? What're you doing out here?"
She jolted, slamming her head against the wood behind her as she did. She glared upwards, expecting to see Aizawa. Her headache grew with the unexpected jab of pain in the back of her skull, and Emiko scowled upwards, prepared to give her teacher a glare like he'd never seen.
Instead, Shoto stood before her. He was wearing his pajamas, muscular arms exposed in the deep grey shirt he wore. His legs were covered in black sweatpants and his feet were stuffed into a pair of slippers.
"God, you scared me." She laughed out, hoping it would dispel some of the tension she felt in her chest. "Though, to be fair, I could ask you the same question."
He let out a huff of air, which she took as a laugh. He nodded slightly, as if asking if he could sit next to her. She nodded back, shuffling slightly and moving the blanket off of her shoulders onto her lap.
"I asked you first."
She sighed, leaning her head back again. "I suppose you did, didn't you?"
A few moments passed, while he waited for her to gather her thoughts. She debated lying, telling him that she just had a hard time sleeping anywhere but her home, but she knew he would never believe it. She knew he knew her too well, knew nearly everything that made her tick without her ever telling him.
"What happened to your hands?" He whispered, glancing down at the still fresh gashes in her palms where they were fidgeting with the blanket on her lap. "That happened after… right?"
She nodded, tearing her gaze from the moon and fixing it on her lap. "Yeah, it did."
Silence fell around the pair, the only sounds the wind whispering through the trees. No birds flew overhead, no animals disturbed the silence. She could hear him breathing, could feel the warmth pouring off of his left side. The juxtaposition of the cool night air and his temperature sent a chill down her spine, and she adjusted the blanket.
Taking a deep breath, she turned to look at him. "The day I came home from the hospital, Sakura showed me how she'd moved my stuff downstairs, because she didn't know if I could get up the stairs on my own."
Just the memory of how useless she felt was enough to turn her stomach.
"For some reason, that really fucked with me. I know…" she paused, attempting to reign in the wild emotions threatening to surface at the mere mention of the incident.. "I know she was just trying to help, and she was being thoughtful, but fuck. My legs weren't broken, I was more than capable of getting up and down a few stairs."
She continued without stopping, "I collect ceramic animal figures. It's this stupid thing I've done since I was a kid, and I had them all lined up on a bookshelf in my room. She'd brought them downstairs and… I-I don't know. Something came over me, and I grabbed one of them. I guess," she heaved in a deep breath.
Shoto looked at her with no judgement, his eyes soft, glistening brightly under the moonlit sky.
"I guess I just squeezed it too tight, and it erupted in my hand. The pieces went everywhere and it hurt but I picked up another one, and the same thing happened."
She left out the fact that she swore she could see the figures trembling on her bookshelf, swore she saw tears in their lifeless eyes for fear of him thinking her even less stable than she was.
"And I just kept going. It hurt, but it also felt… kinda nice. It was the first time I'd felt anything since… since before."
It's a brutally honest confession, one she wishes she could take back. Too much too soon, she fears.
"Okay."
He answers her with such a sense of finality, no questions asked. As if she hadn't just admitted to crushing ceramics in her hands to feel something.
"Is that… Is that the first time you've done… done that?" His next sentence is more cautious, less calm. She can feel his heart hammering in the space beside her.
She can't find the words, can only shake her head sadly. Her hair rustles around her, tickles her bare skin as it does.
"Are you going to do it again?"
She sucks in a deep breath, desperately wanting to tell him no. She wants to tell him that she doesn't want to be in pain, but sometimes she gets so numb that being in a little bit of pain is nice. That she's so overwhelmed with everyone else's feelings and emotions, that being in pain is just… easier.
So she does, and she swears he knows it's a lie the second it leaves her mouth.
He's quiet as he processes her words, as he wraps his mind around what she's all but admitted to him.
"Why'd you come out here?" she whispers, trying to fight back tears as she does.
A beat of silence passes before he answers, "I was worried about you."
"Why?"
A soft laugh, and he tries to smile at her.
"You're pretty good at faking it, Miko."
She tilted her head, "Faking it?"
"You're good at pretending that everything is okay, when it isn't."
He's always been blunt and to the point, never been one to beat around the bush. His words tonight though, tonight they cut deep. She wasn't trying to pretend and she didn't want to make anyone else worry with her actions. It hurt her, knowing that she'd potentially been causing people pain while trying to keep them safe.
"I haven't been able to sleep since I got out of the hospital. I'm always having nightmares and he's in my fucking head and I just… I just couldn't do that here. Not with everyone around."
The look on his face breaks her heart. He's so fucking concerned for her well being, despite her pushing him away for the past few weeks.
He only nodded, pressing a little closer to her as she trembled beside him.
"I didn't want to have to lie to anyone if I woke up screaming. They all… they all deserve better than that, you know?"
"But you have been lying to them, at least a little."
"Yeah, I guess I have been."
"Can I ask why?"
"You can, but I don't know if I'll answer."
She tried to make a joke to lighten the mood, but found it didn't quite stick. Her fingers still fidgeted with the blanket, and she felt Shoto tug a little of it onto his own lap. She shifted a hair closer, until the sleeve of his shirt brushed her arm, and she felt the urge to rest her head on his shoulder.
"My mom gave me my scar."
The confession should have shocked her, but she had some idea of how he'd gotten the injury. It was obviously not natural, clear to everyone that he'd been burnt, but she'd almost assumed it'd been Endeavour, especially after watching them interact during their internships. It was clear that there was no love there - especially not on Shoto's end.
"My mother and father were never in love. He married her to create a superhuman child, and he tried until he got me." The words are laced with bitterness, and Emiko can't help but wince as he continues on. "She… grew overwhelmed, and… well."
"I'm sorry, Shoto." she whispered, leaning her head slightly on his shoulder, finally giving in to that nagging urge.
"For a while after, I had nightmares about it… they were so bad that I was forced to go to therapy. Not that it did much, because my father came with me to make sure I didn't say anything stupid."
He sighed, leaning his head against the top of her own, and her eyes drifted shut slowly. His hair tickling her forehead left her longing for something more - something she knew she would never have.
"You don't have to be alone, Miko."
She can only nod, because tears are forming in her eyes and she knows that if she tries to speak, she'll choke up and lose control of herself.
They sit in silence a while longer, each processing the other's confessions. Shoto doesn't say much, doesn't try to prod her to say more than she already has, and she's grateful for it. Grateful that he just sits in comfortable silence with her, wrapped in each other's warmth, surrounded by the sounds of the wind and each other's breathing.
You don't have to be alone, Miko
She repeats that mantra over and over again in her head, as her eyes slowly flutter closed, her head still resting against his shoulder.
