Chapter 4

Mark went back to New York on Monday morning as planned, and her parents stayed two more days with them before they left for Jersey. They spent Mark's last day packing. The apartment was quiet since Libby spent the day with her parents, and they figured that Mark would be able to take some of the stuff with him on the following day, and she'd send him the rest later on. Then, before she knew it, the weekend was over, Mark was gone, and the tumult of work started all over again.

She was still instructing Kevin Forester, the man who was about to take her place once she'd leave. She turned her head from the computer screen and looked at him. He was sitting next to her, taking notes, just as he did in the passing weeks. He was so absorbed in what he was doing that he didn't see her observing him. She could understand why he was the one chosen to take her place. He was brilliant, and she never had to explain things to him more than once. She was somewhat relieved that there was someone who did most of the work for her. She was so tired lately. At first she thought she caught Mark's cold or something, but it's been almost two weeks since he was there, so it wasn't so likely. She dismissed it, thinking that it's been tough couple of weeks. She worked like crazy in order to leave San Francisco as scheduled. When she wasn't working, she was at home, packing. She spent as much time with Libby as she could. She was already feeling guilty for leaving her with their next door neighbor for so long every day. Caroline, their neighbor, didn't mind, she said. Libby was like a granddaughter for her. And still, she missed her little girl.

She glanced at her watch and a sigh of relief escaped her. Two more hours and she could head back home. She looked at Kevin again, and smiled. He looked tired too. She knew he was working just as hard to catch up with everything. She was trying to make it easier on him the best she could. "Well, basically I think we're done here for today, unless you have some more questions."

"I do have one question, actually," he smiled. He had a beautiful smile. He was a handsome man in his 40's and as far as her secretary was concerned, the perfect match for her. Kathleen always tried to set her up with rich, single men, and Kevin seemed to be a golden opportunity for her to do so. Whenever she walked into the office and saw the two of them work there together, she would always wink at her on her way out.

"Fire away," she replied, repressing a yawn.

"Will you go out with me tonight?"

She stared at him shocked. She definitely didn't see it coming. Being the handsome guy that he was, Kevin was a source of never-ending attention and gossip from the moment he got to the company. She was well experienced to recognize the flirting type. God knew she used to be just like that, if not worse. But even with no experience, it was easy to guess it by his behavior outside of her office. He was always talking to one of the secretaries. While he worked his magic on them, he was always professional enough to keep his distance from her, which was fine by her. She wasn't interested anyway. But his question caught her completely off guard. She glanced at him. He was looking at her questionably, intently, waiting for her reply. "I'm sorry Kevin, I can't."

His face fell. He looked as if he wasn't ready for a refusal. "Do you have a good excuse?" he tried to sound good-humored, but she could tell he was hurt.

"Yeah, I do," she said, touching her ring absent-mindedly. "I'm seeing someone else."

"Oh." He looked kind of shocked to hear this. "I'm sorry, I had no idea-"

"That's fine. No one knows around here and I rather it'll stay that way." She didn't see any reason to spread the news of her being engaged. They didn't know Mark and she was moving to New York anyway. She figured they'd hear it at some point by people from the New York office; it was inevitable, but until then it was really none of everyone's business. And she hated being in the center of attention. She knew that there were still rumors about Libby's father wandering around the company. She just ignored them the best she could.

He nodded. Somehow she knew she could trust him to keep it to himself. He wouldn't risk exposing his shattered ego by letting people know someone turned him down. He looked at her and smiled. "He's a very lucky man."

She smiled and was about to answer him when sudden wave of dizziness washed over her. The room started spinning madly around her as her vision became blurred. Her pulse quickened its pace, and she could feel her heartbeat go faster and faster. She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes, and waited for it to fade away.

"Hey, are you okay?" asked Kevin, concerned. His voice sounded as if it was coming from many miles away.

She slowly opened her eyes, the room going into focus again. "Yeah. Just a bit dizzy."

"You look pale. Can I get you anything?"

She managed a small smile. "No, thanks. I'm fine. Lack of sleep, you know. I've had crazy couple of weeks."

"Try to rest a little. And maybe eat something. You look kind of skinny lately."

"All I need is a bit more than 24 hours in a day," she laughed. "I'm really okay."

He hesitated for a moment, and then said, "If you say so." He glanced at his watch. "Well, I'm off then. I'll see you tomorrow." He gave her another weird look before he left her office.

She leaned back in her chair, closing her eyes once again. Sleep. God, how much she needed that. She knew she should rest a bit more. And eat, which was an easy thing to forget. She made sure that Libby would have breakfast each morning, but couldn't bring herself to join her. When she did, she ate very little. She just wasn't hungry so early in the morning. During work she usually had time just for coffee, some fruit every now and again, or a tasteless salad from the cafeteria downstairs. But she really couldn't remember when was the last time she had a decent dinner. Could it be that it was before her parents left? No, that was too long ago, it couldn't be, she didn't-

"Maureen?" Her eyes snapped open. She raised her head to meet her secretary's concerned gaze. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything is fine," she said firmly. She hardly recognized her own voice. She glanced at the clock on her computer screen and her jaw nearly dropped. It's been an hour since Kevin left her office. She just fell asleep.

"Is there anything else you need before I'm going?"

"No, that's fine, you can go. I'm also leaving," she said, turning off her computer. Kathleen gave her the exact same look Kevin had given her before he left. "I'm fine, Kathleen."

Kathleen raised one eyebrow. "I didn't say anything."

She sighed. Why were people so impossible today?

"If you don't mind me saying, you do look pale today," Kathleen added. Oh great. Another person to remind me. "Did you eat?"

"Look, Kathleen, I should really get home-"

"Don't change the subject, Maureen."

"I'm not changing the subject, I-"

"You haven't eaten all day," Kathleen looked at her sternly. "Again."

"I'm okay. I'll buy something on my way home."

"You should have gone out to dinner with him."

"Excuse me?"

"Kevin."

She stared at her secretary. How could she possibly know he asked her out?

Kathleen must have read the question in her expression, because she laughed. "He had that look when he left your office. I figured it out myself. He doesn't look like anyone ever turned him down before."

"He'll get over it," she said, getting up. She was still a bit dizzy, but it wasn't as bad as before. It would pass if she would just ignore it. "I have to go home. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright, boss. See you tomorrow." She knew Kathleen for enough time to know that her smile wasn't real.


She stopped by an Italian restaurant that was close to their apartment building and got pizza for dinner. It seemed like Libby was waiting for her impatiently, because she ran to hug her legs the moment she stepped into the apartment. She was so weak she almost lost her balance as Libby threw herself at her.

"MOMMY!"

"Hey, Munchkin," she said softly, fighting the dizziness that grew stronger again. As she knelt to kiss Libby's cheek she noticed Caroline, who approached them from the living room. "Were you a good girl today?"

"Went to the park!" said Libby, smiling brightly.

Her heart melted. She missed her little girl so much. "Really? Did you have a good time in the park?"

"She did," said Caroline.

"Should I believe her?" she asked Libby, tickling her sides. Libby squealed in surprise and ran to the hallway, probably to get some stuff from her room. Standing up, she smiled at the older woman. "Thanks for watching her for me."

"My pleasure. She's a good girl." Then she stopped and looked at her inquiringly. "Are you alright?"

"A little tired. That's all." That was all, she told herself fiercely.

"Well then. I'll leave you two alone. I left you some apple pie I made yesterday."

"Thanks, Caroline. Don't you want to join us for dinner?" she asked, nodding towards the pizza box she placed on the table.

Caroline shook her head. "Oh no, that's alright, my dear."

"Thanks again. Will you be able to pick her up from daycare tomorrow as well?"

"Of course," said Caroline, turning to go. Then she remembered something and turned to her once again, looking at her strangely.

"Someone was looking for you on the phone earlier. A man," she added, smiling mysteriously. "He didn't leave a number and he refused to say his name. I assume you know who he is."

She smiled. "Yeah. I think I do."

"Is there something you're not telling me? Something I should warn you from?"

Caroline was out of town during that weekend Mark and her parents came over. "He's just an old friend I met when we were in New York," she said.

It was clear that Caroline didn't buy the 'just an old friend' excuse, yet she didn't try to push it any further, as if she sensed that she was too tired to make long explanations. She smiled politely, called goodbye to Libby, and left the apartment.


"…So they found a cozy place under the trees where they slept well until the morning; and Dorothy dreamt of the Emerald City , and of the good Wizard Oz, who would soon send her back to her own home again." She closed the book and laid it on the nightstand next to Libby's bed. "Time to go to bed now, baby."

"Can't we read another chapter?" pleaded Libby, although she looked sleepy.

She yawned. She couldn't believe how tired she was. "Tomorrow I'll read you two more. I promise."

"Mommy, when is my birthday?"

"On the same day we're gonna see Mark again in New York, just like I promised you. So we'll celebrate your birthday only after we'll get there, is that okay?"

"Yes, that okay."

"Maybe grandma and grandpa will able to come over because New York is closer to where they live."

"It is?"

"Yeah."

"Will I get many presents?"

"Of course you will, baby. We'll ask Mark to take us to the best stores in town to get you some new stuff, okay?" Libby nodded. She smiled and caressed her hair softly. "Now go to sleep, Munchkin."

"Okay."

"Sweet dreams, Libby," she kissed her forehead and turned off the lamp on her nightstand. She was about to leave the room when Libby called her back.

"Mommy?"

"What is it, Munchkin?"

"Will Mark leave us too?"

She froze on the threshold. Where the hell did that come from? She took a deep breath, then turned to look at Libby. The only light came from the hallway, streaming into her room, illuminating her small figure in the bed. She looked so fragile, laying there, Roger the Bear sits faithfully beside her. "Why would you ask that, Libby?" she asked slowly, hoping the concern in her voice wasn't so clear.

"Because daddy left," was Libby's soft, sad reply.

She sat on her bedside and considered her answer. She wasn't sure what to say. Libby hadn't asked about him for a while. Ever since Christmas, when they first met Mark, she realized. What caused this to surface again?

Before she had a chance to answer, though, Libby spoke again. "Daddy isn't coming back, right?"

She locked her gaze with her daughter's. The question remained silent in her glistening greenish-brown eyes, so much like her own. She sighed. "Libby… no. Daddy is not coming back," she said softly.

"Didn't he love us?"

"Sweetie…" He didn't want you. How could she possibly explain that to her five-year-old? "Of course he did."

"Then why did he leave?"

"It's more complicated than that, Libby," she said as gently as she could. "But he has his own life now, and we have ours. Besides… Mark is gonna be your daddy pretty soon. I thought you wanted him to. Didn't you?" Libby nodded, holding her teddy bear closer. "Mark will never leave. I can promise you that."

"And you will never leave too?"

Her little face looked so sad. It made her heart ache. "Of course not. What will I do without my little Munchkin?" she smiled, holding back tears. She leaned over to place a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "I'm not going to leave you, ever. I promise. Alright?" Libby nodded. "Now sleep. Look, Roger is tired too."

Libby closed her eyes obediently. "Night, Mommy."

"Good night, baby."


She finally made it to her bedroom. She was still weak, but she hoped that a good night sleep would make it go away. She crawled into bed and leaned back on her pillows. She was exhausted, but too distracted to fall asleep. Her conversation with Libby still echoed in her ears. She sighed, and reached for the phone that laid on her nightstand.

Only when he answered the phone, she realized it was after midnight in New York. "Hello…"

"Shit, were you sleeping?"

"Yeah…" he groaned softly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't check my watch, I just dialed. I didn't realize it was so late there."

"That's okay. What's up?"

"You know, the usual stuff. You?"

"The same. Are you okay? You sound kind of weird."

"I'm okay, just a little tired," she said. She debated whether or not to tell him about what had just happened with Libby, but eventually decided against it. She didn't want to make him worried. There was no point when he was so far away anyway. " How's work?"

"Pretty good. I started this course I told you about. I've got a great class."

"That's good." Should she tell him she wasn't feeling okay? "Mark-"

"Yeah?"

What was the point? It wasn't serious. She'd be fine in a day or two. There was nothing a good night sleep couldn't solve. "Nothing. Just wanted to say good night."

"Good night, Mo."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure." She heard him yawning. "Night."

She hung up and dropped the phone on the bed next to her. She pulled the covers over her head and closed her eyes.

It was morning before she knew it.