Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina.

A/N: Warning: Vulgar language and bad writing abound. Proceed at your own risk. A/U. (Intensely vulgar and OOC.)

xxx

Keitaro was confused.

Who did he love really? The beautiful Mutsumi, or the hot Narusegawa? Those were the two that he was really confused about.

Well… there was also the equally the hot Motoko, and the SUPER hot Shinobu, but Sarah was a little too young for his tastes, so he couldn't really say he liked her in that sense.

And Kitsune… with that luscious body of hers… how he wished to be able to run his hands all over it! Keitaro would gladly fuck her any day, but really, he was talking about true lover here…

Ah hell. Keitaro admitted to himself that that might only be part of the truth. He wanted a fuck buddy… no, he NEEDED a fuck buddy, and he needed one NOW.

Really, he was getting seriously sex-starved. He had gone for pretty long without sex… ok, so he had gone for REALLY long without sex, 21 22 years to be exact, and then another long stretch of about 7 8 years. (Naru, that violent bitch, had left him for 7 8 years without sex after that one, unsatisfying encounter. Also, because of this, he didn't want to shack up with Mutsumi, whom he was sure would gladly fuck anytime, because he felt that that would be betraying Naru.)

Funnily enough, he didn't think of this betrayal when he fucked Naru in the first place.

And also funnily enough, he hadn't had sex for 7 8 years and it didn't affect him until now. Seriously!

Right now, he was thinking that maybe he should go find Mutsumi and get her as his fuck buddy. She was sure to agree, after all, and his sex troubles might just be over.

But then that stupid Naru floated into his thoughts again. He couldn't very well fuck behind her back… AH HECK, to hell with this guilt. He wasn't really attached to Naru, was he? Yeah, he wasn't. Mutsumi was still open. AH FUCK, he was practically whipped even though he supposedly had two women.

Arrgh. Naru was such a bitch for stopping him, even if it was subconsciously. Keitaro wanted for a moment to just make up his mind once and for all and jump straight into bed with Mutsumi. Again, Mutsumi was sure to welcome him immediately.

Sigh. Keitaro guessed that his decision was practically made. He should simply dump Naru right now and profess his everlasting love for Mutsumi. It was the logical choice by a long mile.

But something was stopping him.

Because in the end, what did he really, really want from the girls at the inn? Presumably good sex all he time, or really someone for him to settle down with him for life?

Sex, duh! Or not. Keitaro was such a fucking fool.

He thought about it for a moment, then shook his head. While he was sure that if he barged into the inn demanding sex, all the girls, yes, even Kitsune, would fall over each other to satisfy him, he didn't want to make use of those he loved that way, even if he was sure going to go nuts.

You're asking how he knows the girls' feelings? Well, Keitaro isn't blind.

Keitaro realized, that even after all that talk about sex and stuff, he was still going back to Naru to get whipped. Did he really love her? He guessed so.

But before he surrendered however, he decided that he should perhaps try to have that… fuck party before he was screwed (Not in a good sense.) for life.

Keitaro smiled.

Unknowingly, he had already arrived at the top of the steps leading to the majestic building. Perhaps it was the most ideal site for a fuck party. Walking to the door, he slammed it open.

"Girls…!"