A/N- even though this is a Mark chapter, it is dedicated to the amazing Idina Menzel, for her decision to join the Wicked production in the West End! Pray for me, guys, I missed Anthony Rapp when he was here, which means I have to get London and make my other dream come true.

My spring break ends tomorrow so updates may be less frequent… still appreciate reviews though, hint hint.


Chapter 7

February 4th. He thought the day would never come. But when it finally did, he couldn't stop smiling and humming to himself like an idiot. He was still worried sick about Maureen, but they talked a lot in the last couple of days. She assured him that she was okay, and although he didn't know whether or not to believe her, he knew that once she and Libby would get to New York, everything would be okay.

He started the day in the cemetery, where he laid fresh flowers on his friends' graves. Every time he did that, he couldn't believe how long it's been. He just sat there and talked to them, as if they could listen. He believed they could. He told them about Life, about Maureen and her little girl they never got to know. God, he wished they'd be there. He wished that Roger and Collins would stand beside him when he'd marry her. He could imagine it so clearly; he nearly burst into laughter as the images flashed in his mind, like a film. He'd flash them a victorious smile as Maureen would walk down the isle. That same annoying, teasing smile they always directed towards him. Mimi and Angel could have been her bridesmaids… Angel could have designed her wedding gown of course. He was sure it would have looked beautiful, like nothing anyone ever seen before.

He sighed. Once again, all the what if's and if only's surfaced when he left the cemetery. It felt as if they were haunting him, as if it was his fault that they were gone, as if there was something he could do to turn back time. He wished he could. He wished for it every single day, every time he sat there, watching their graves, thinking how young they all were and how unfair it was. There was nothing he could do to bring them back. But they were all alive in his memories, in his films, in his heart. An eternal flame.

He went back uptown and just wandered around the streets. He took the day off, because he couldn't concentrate in anything anyway. Their flight was not expected until noon, so he still had some hours to kill. He didn't feel like going back home. He got the apartment all ready for them the other night. He had already unpacked most of the things that Maureen sent him from San Francisco. He changed the sheets in his bedroom and put on new ones in Libby's room. He smiled. Today was her birthday. He touched his coat pocket, making sure her gift was still in there. It was. His smile widened. Maureen would kill him if she knew, but he didn't care. He didn't want to get Libby just another doll, because she had tons of those in her new room. He wanted to get her something special.

It's been a beautiful day out. Even though it was cold, it wasn't raining, and even the sun was out. The weather sent many people to the streets, it appeared, because everywhere he went seemed more crowded than usual. As he was passing by a street café, he heard his name being called. He turned and was surprise to see Andy there, waving at him to catch his attention. He didn't see him leave the gallery couple of days before, when the whole mess with Maureen started. He smiled and approached him.

"I thought you looked familiar," said Andy, folding the paper he was reading. "Join me for coffee?"

He glanced at his watch. Yeah, he could sit with Andy for a while. He could use some company. It would make time go faster. "Sure."

A waitress approached them, and he ordered coffee as well. Once she was gone, he looked at Andy. "What are you doing here?"

"Just enjoying the weather, like the rest of New York, it seems. I wanted to contact you about your gallery but it's been crazy couple of days."

"Yeah, tell me about it."

"I didn't stay long, suddenly remembered I had to be somewhere. But I liked what I saw."

"I'm glad. Sorry I had to leave so suddenly."

"That's alright."

Soon he got his coffee, and they sat there in silence for a while, watching the passers by and enjoying the winter sun. They talked about Life for a while, and about the benefit that was only several weeks away, but he couldn't stay focused. He kept checking his watch absent-mindedly.

"Do you need to be somewhere?" asked Andy, snapping him back to reality.

He smiled apologetically. "No, not until noon. Sorry."

"You look kind of nervous. Is everything okay?"

"Can't be better," he said, sipping his coffee. As he raised his head, he saw that Andy was looking at him questionably. He was obviously waiting to hear more about it. He sighed. He hated speaking about his private life, but it seemed as if he got himself into it. "I need to pick up my fiancé from the airport later."

Andy looked surprised. "I didn't know you were engaged. I thought that you and Tammy… well, you seem to act like a married couple and all so I thought…"

He laughed. "Yeah, people keep saying that. No, we actually tried that once. We dated couple of times. Didn't work." He looked at Andy thoughtfully. Sure, his original plan was to set her up with Oliver, but… "She made this plan about us marrying one another in case none of us will marry in the next several years. Now I ruined it for her. You know, she's rather cute. I mean, when she wants to."

Andy laughed, as if he guessed what he was up to. "I'm sure she is," he said. Suddenly his expression changed. He looked very sad. "But I wouldn't do that to her."

He hesitated, and then said, "You know, HIV doesn't mean you need to stop living. Otherwise where's the fight? People can keep relationships even with AIDS. Trust me, I've seen it happen. It's possible." He regretted his words the moment he said them. What was he doing? What gave him the right to preach Andy the way he just did? He hardly knew him. He knew nothing about him, as a matter of fact. This was none of his business. And man, did he sound like his mother. Ugh.

"It's not just that," said Andy slowly. He didn't seem offended or anything. Nonetheless, the whole thing made him feel kind of uncomfortable. He didn't want Andy to feel committed to share his private life with him just because he said the wrong thing. He was about to apologize and tell Andy they didn't have to talk about it if he didn't want to, when Andy started speaking again. "I didn't have much luck with relationships so far. My last serious relationship was… wow, years ago. Six, I think. It didn't end well. We just wanted different things." He paused, sipping his coffee slowly. "Besides, most women wouldn't risk having a relationship with someone who has AIDS."

"But not all of them. I'm sure it's only a matter of time. You'll find her when you will least expect her."

"This was how it happened to you?"

He smiled, thinking of that fateful Christmas couple of months ago. "Yeah. This is exactly how it happened to me."

"Then I'm happy for you. Like your people say, Mazel Tov."

He laughed. "Thanks." He glanced at his watch again. With traffic and all, he should get there just in time if he'd leave soon. "I should get going," he said, leaving some money on the table. "I'll see you next week in the meeting, okay?"

"Sure. Enjoy your weekend."

"You too," he smiled, and hurried back to the street to hail a cab.


He got to the airport later than he expected, but his timing turned out to be perfect, since their flight was delayed. They were just coming out as he got there. There were so many people around that he was afraid he would never notice them when they go out, but then something was wrapped around his legs, almost knocking him down. There she was, his little Munchkin, her eyes shining with excitement, two braids dangling down her shoulders. He smiled as he knelt to pick her up.

"Hey beautiful," he said, giving her a hug.

"Hi daddy!" she giggled. His heart melted and he regretted he didn't get there earlier to buy a balloon for her in the gift shop as he originally planned. She didn't seem tired and cranky as he thought she'd be after the long flight. She looked as fresh as a flower.

"Gimmi a kiss." Libby kissed his nose. He smiled, took the end of one of her braids and tickled her nose with it. "Where's your mommy?"

"There!" said Libby, pointing straight into the crowd. Maureen was walking towards them, a small smile curling on her lips as she moved closer. He put Libby down and approached her, his smile slowly fading. He didn't know what to think. She sounded better over the phone, but looking at her, he realized it wasn't so. She looked bad, worse than he imagined. He had never seen her like that. She was pale, and her make up didn't cover the dark circles around her eyes. Her clothes looked twice her size. He remembered that white cashmere sweater. She wore it the last time they were there on December. Now he couldn't believe it was the same one. She looked like a kid who was wearing her mother's clothes.

She was carrying one bag, and she dropped it on the floor to wrap her arms around him. He hugged her back, holding her close. He could feel her spine and rib-cage through the soft material of her sweater as he rubbed her back. He shivered, suddenly afraid. What the hell was wrong with her?

She must have felt him shivering, because she raised her face to look at him. "Don't. I'm okay."

"Oh my God, Maureen-"

"Mark, please don't."

He touched her face. She looked so fragile. This wasn't Maureen he used to know. Sure, when they lived in the Village, he often had to remind her she should eat, because she had this ridiculous obsession of her being fat, but this? It didn't seem as if she was doing this to herself on purpose. But he didn't want to talk about that there, with all the hustle of the airport, with Libby so nearby. And she looked as if she needed some rest. He took the bag from the floor and picked Libby up again. "Come on, let's get you home."


They got home fairly quick, and he made them a short tour to show them where was what in the apartment. He showed Libby her room and she seemed to have liked it, which made him smile. She stayed there as he and Maureen continued along the hall. Maureen looked exhausted, and clearly didn't want to talk about everything at the moment, and he didn't argue. He was just so happy to have both of them back. He waited for her to shower and change and then helped her get into bed. He left the room after he made sure she was asleep. Then he went to check on Libby, who was considerably quiet. She was sitting on the carpet in her room, playing with her dolls.

"Hey Munchkin, is everything alright?" he asked, leaning against the door frame. She raised her head to look at him and smiled.

"Everything okay."

"That's good." He was kind of worried about her. Sure, she had a part in Maureen's decision to move back to New York, but kids changed their minds so quickly. Yet Libby didn't seem too disappointed to be taken away from what used to be her home. It sounded so cliché, but she really looked as if she was feeling at home there. "Can I come in?" he asked. He could use some company. She looked as if she did, too. Libby nodded so he walked in, and sat next to her. "So, do you like your new room?"

"Yes. Roger does too."

"That's great."

They sat quietly for a while, and then Libby looked at him in a way he hasn't seen before. "Will mommy be okay?" she asked seriously. His heart broke. He wished he could give her an honest answer.

"I hope so. We'll do what we can to take care of her, won't we?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her.

"Today is my birthday," she said kind of sadly. He suddenly remembered he didn't give her the present he got for her.

"I know. You're a big girl now, aren't you? I'll tell you what. We'll go out for dinner when mommy is better, but in the meantime why don't we make something here? Just for us?"

"What we make?" she asked, looking at him curiously.

"Anything you want. We can try to make pizza," he suggested. He only tried to make it once, a long time ago when he invited Tammy for a pizza-movie night. Sure, they ended up calling The Pizza Palace around the corner, but he thought he learnt a thing or two ever since.

Libby looked excited. "Really?"

"Sure, if you want."

She nodded, smiling brightly. "Okay."

"But first, birthday girl, I think I've got something for you," he said, reaching for his pocket. He handed her a small box and smiled. "Happy birthday, sweetie."

Libby slowly took the box from him and looked at it. "Thank you," she whispered, but didn't open it. "This small," she said.

"Open it," he said softly. He watched her as she did. Once again, Maureen's reaction had crossed his mind, but he pushed it away. Libby was almost his daughter too. That was okay.

"This pretty," she said, fascinated. By 'this' she meant a silver necklace with a small heart-shaped locket that had a tiny Libby inscribed on it. He gently took it from her and put it on her neck.

"It has your name on it, too. Remember I taught you how to write it?"

"Yes."

"Maybe I'll teach you how to write other stuff too, like your mommy's name and my name-"

"And Roger's name!" added Libby, laughing.

He smiled. "And Roger's name, of course. This way when you start school, you'll be the smartest girl in class." She no longer looked sad. He stood up and held his hand out for her. "Now come on. Let's try that pizza and then find something nice on TV."

Libby took his hand and stood up, a big smile on her lips. "Okay."


He walked into his bedroom later to check on Maureen. He got her some dinner and he was determined to make her eat it. She was still asleep though, her hair falling softly on the pillows, her expression angelic, peaceful. She was wearing a small, black T-shirt and plaid red and green pajama pants that kind of reminded him of those shabby old pants Roger was so fond of. As he watched her, he thought that her being there, asleep in what soon would be their bed, was just as it meant to be. He smiled and laid the tray he got for her on the dresser. He approached the bed and sat next to her. Slowly, gently, he touched her cheek. He was still worried about her, but she looked better, even in her sleep. The color got back to her cheeks, as if New York itself had the power to make her better. Please be okay, he thought silently. He hated waking her up but he really thought she should eat. She'd been asleep ever since they got back from the airport.

"Wake up, baby," he whispered, half to her, half to himself.

She stirred, and a shadow of a smile crossed her face. "You called me Baby," she murmured, her eyes still closed.

And only then he realized that he did call Maureen Johnson Baby. Shit. "I didn't realize-" he started, but then his voice trailed off as she slowly opened her eyes, her smile widening.

"You called me Baby."

He nodded. He was so doomed. But at least she looked alright, so he didn't really fear his destiny. "Yes. I did. Please accept my honest apologies." He watched her as she sat up, leaning against the wall. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." She looked at the door. "It's quiet, where's Libby?"

"Asleep. Just tucked her in. She was worn out."

"I bet she was. Poor thing. I totally ruined her birthday with sleeping all afternoon."

"Nah, she's fine. We had a great time. We had a special dinner for her birthday. Here, I got you what's left of it."

She smiled. "Thanks." He stared at her carefully. He was expecting resistance. She must have noticed, for she gave him a questioning look. "What?"

"Nothing," he said as innocently as he could. She gave him a look, obviously not buying his attempt to appear innocent. He smiled. He couldn't believe she was finally back. "I missed you."

Her features softened. "I know," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck and moving closer to give him a hug. "I missed you too."

He sat there and just held her, slowly rubbing her back, never wanting to let go. Eventually she pulled away but stayed very close. Her hands were still wrapped around his neck, her fingers slowly caressing the back of his neck. He leaned forward to kiss her gently, and only after doing that he realized how much he missed that. He felt her smile against his lips as she kissed him back, slow at first, but with building passion. She laid back down without breaking their kiss and he felt himself being pulled on top of her. Then she pulled away just so that she could take his shirt off. As she did, his glasses slipped and fell on the bed. She threw the shirt over his shoulder and it landed somewhere in the room, but he could care less.

He let his hands drift under her shirt as he started trailing his kisses to her neck. She lost so much weight, he was scared to touch her, as if she would break if he did. He could feel each and every bone on her upper body. He didn't want to hurt her. But she was urging him forward, her fingers digging into his shoulders. He nibbled on her ear, and she made that purring sound at the back of her throat that drove him absolutely crazy, so he did it again. He felt her nails on his back, scratching his skin. His mind was everywhere. He couldn't remember where he kept that pack of condoms he knew he had somewhere in the room.

And then something terrifying occurred to him, and he sat up. "Shit."

"What?" asked Maureen as she sat up as well. Her face was flushed, her breath came out in short pants. She gave him an irritated look. "Why the hell did you stop?"

"I just realized something."

She looked at him incredulously. "Now? Mark Cohen, get back to what you were doing, that's an order!"

"Wait, Maureen, I… Oh shit. I think I know why you were not feeling well." Now that it entered his mind, he couldn't stop thinking about it. Crap. But if he was right and that was true, then he was the one to blame in all that. She didn't say anything, just sat there, looking at him as he found his glasses and put them back on. He took a deep breath. "When I was in San Francisco we… we weren't exactly careful, if you know what I mean," he said. He could feel he was blushing. Oh damn it. She was still quiet, but her expression told him she had no idea where he was going with this. He huffed, suddenly impatient. How could she not understand? "And now you're pregnant!"

She didn't punch him, she didn't run away screaming, she didn't burst in hysteric tears of grief, she didn't even declare that she would not have a baby no matter what.

Instead, she laughed.

He stared at her, completely shocked. He sure wasn't expecting her to laugh at his face. He couldn't believe it. He was panicked and she was laughing! "How is that funny?"

It took her a while, but then she finally managed to control her laughter. Her eyes were sparkling with tears. "Mark, I'm not pregnant," she said, still smiling.

"How can you be so sure about it?"

"Because I'm on a pill since I had Libby."

"Oh." He was completely speechless. He felt like an idiot. It seemed like the obvious thing.

"And besides, pregnant women gain weight, not lose it," she added, a hint of a smile still visible in her eyes. Then she got serious. "I was just a bit stressed. It's nothing more. If I was pregnant, you would have known. Trust me." She touched his cheek and flashed him a seductive grin, slowly taking off his glasses. "Will you get back here, now?"

"What about that dinner I got for you?" he asked, remembering his initial plans to convince her to eat.

"Leave it…" she murmured against his neck. "Don't make me beg…" Her voice was like velvet, leaving goosebumps on his skin. It made him shiver. He grinned wickedly before he grabbed her wrist and pinned her to the bed. "See, that's more like it," she smiled, but didn't have a chance to say any further when he leaned down, kissing her deeply.