Chapter 9
The first thing he thought of when he saw Libby and Maureen enter the gallery was, it couldn't be 12:30! A quick glance at his watch told him that it was. A sigh of relief escaped his lips. It was the longest Saturday ever. There weren't many visitors in the gallery, which was surprising for a Saturday morning, and that made him bored and even more tired that he actually was. The previous week was hectic. He kept running around between the gallery and classes and Life and Libby… He was so looking forward for that weekend.
When the phone rang that morning, he thought it wasn't real. It sounded so distant… and hell, so early in the morning. But then he opened his eyes and realized it was still ringing. Damn the person who wakes me up on Saturday morning, he thought as he reached blindly for the phone. He hardly recognized Tammy's voice. She said she had a really bad cold, so he agreed to cover for her without even thinking about it. For all those times she covered for him for smaller things, he thought he owed her as much. So he left the bed in spite of Maureen's sleepy protest, and left her a short note to explain where he went.
The gallery was deserted in the first couple of hours after he opened, so he made some phone calls and went over some stuff. Then Oliver called and made sure he remembered their Life meeting that afternoon. And the truth was that he did forget, but said nothing about it to Oliver. It turned out that they had several things to discuss, one of them concerning the benefit that was only a week away. And now, over the phone, he heard for the first time that there were problems with the date they set, so they'd probably have to postpone the whole thing in a week or two.
When Maureen called half an hour later, there were two people in the gallery. Unbelievable, he thought as he looked around. It looked like a beautiful day out there, so that probably wasn't the reason for people's absence. They had visitors in worst weather. Much worse. He assumed that the sunshine tempted everyone to spend the day out. Maureen hung up, and her promise to be there at 12:30 gave him something to look forward to. The idea of closing earlier crossed his mind, but then he remembered he'd have to be at Life anyway, so there was really no point.
He called Tammy, who sounded really bad, and asked her if she needed anything. He felt really sorry for her. She didn't get sick very often, but when she did, she got it bad. He decided to stop by at her place before his Life meeting.
Libby ran over to him and gave him a huge, crushing hug. He laughed and picked her up, sitting her on the front counter. God, how much he needed that hug.
Maureen approached them, a slight frown clouding her expression. "Libby, what did we say about running in here?"
"Oh, that's okay, Mo. There's no one here anyway."
Maureen seemed to notice it just then. She looked around, and then back at him. "Where is everyone?"
He shook his head. "I dunno. Either they decided they were better off at the park, or someone spread the rumor it's me that's working today and not Tammy."
"How is she?"
"She doesn't sound too hot. I'll go see her later." As he said it, he looked at Maureen. He was so relieved to notice that she looked better. She was still impossibly skinny, but it's been only a week. He was watching her carefully, and he knew she was making efforts to watch herself as well after what happened in San Francisco. Gaining her weight back was only a matter of time. But she did look good. Her eyes were shinning, her skin looked slightly tanned from the morning sun. He smiled at her. He wanted so badly to kiss her, knowing it'd have the same affect on him as Libby's hug, but he didn't. He had this thing against couples who had to display their never-ending love for the entire world to see. And he knew that Maureen shared this opinion with him. It didn't matter that there was absolutely no one in the gallery at the moment. He took her hand and gave it a little squeeze. "How about you? How was your day at the park?"
"It was fun!" said Libby. He was so happy that she loved New York. He was afraid she'd change her mind.
"Yeah, it was. You won't believe who I met," said Maureen.
"Who?" he asked, taking Libby off the counter. He turned off the lights and walked with them towards the door.
"Let's find someplace to sit at and I'll tell you. I'm starving." As far as he knew, a starving Maureen was definitely a good sign. He nodded his agreement, and after he finished locking up they went out to the street.
He could definitely understand why people didn't visit the gallery all morning. It was an amazing day. Not a single cloud in the sky. Libby was skipping happily several steps ahead, turning to them from time to time and urging them to hurry up. They walked slowly, silently, but he didn't care. He let the warmth of the sun wash over him. It felt so good, after a week of nonstop snow. When he first got to New York he couldn't get enough of the snow. He loved it. Back at Scarsdale, his mother never let him go out and play in the snow, so when he got to New York and it first started snowing, no one in New York was as happy as he was. But then there came a time when he started to associate the snow with death and loss, when he started losing his best friends one by one.
"Mark?" That is, until Christmas two months ago, he reminded himself as he opened his eyes to meet Maureen's concerned gaze. "You okay? You just stopped walking."
"I'm okay. Oh look, here we are," he said, leading them towards a small, Italian restaurant on the sidewalk.
"So who did you meet in the park?" he asked once their waiter disappeared with their orders.
Maureen smiled mysteriously. "Benny," she said, raising her glass to her lips.
He put his own glass back on the table and watched her closely, waiting for her to laugh in his face for believing her. "You didn't."
"I did. Ask Libby, she played with his son."
He looked at Libby, hoping that she wouldn't cooperate with her mother, but he was shocked when she nodded. So Maureen wasn't lying. She did meet Benny. Wow. He didn't hear from Benny for years. He was still in touch with him when Collins died, but then he and Allison left New York for a while, and they lost contact. It was funny to think that it was Maureen, of all people, who met him after all this time. Those two never got along. "How is he?"
"He's good. He looks happy. His kid is cute." She hesitated, but then looked at him. "I invited them to come over someday. It's okay, isn't it?"
He couldn't believe his ears. She was asking Benny to come over? But then he realized what she probably had when she thought about it. He was the only part of their past that still existed. "Of course it's okay," he said. He thought about the first time he met Benny, when they were roommates at Brown. He couldn't help but smile. He always felt so pathetic, living in Benny's shadow. "You know, he wasn't that bad. When we went to Brown he was actually kind of cool. Used to give me fashion tips, dating advices…" Maureen raised one eyebrow, clearly amused. "It's when he started working for Allison's father when things started to get ugly."
"Well, maybe he changed. We did."
"You did." God, how much she changed.
"You did, too," she smiled. "So I'll give him a call and ask them for dinner or something."
Only then he realized what was implied from what she was saying, and he looked at her questionably. "Did you tell him about… us?"
"Completely by accident. From some reason he found that funny."
"I'll say," he laughed. He still remembered Benny's first reaction when they started going out back then. He knew he'd never forget his expression; a combination of repulsion, confusion and awe. It was the first time when he didn't feel so pathetic in his friends' presence. He smiled. Suddenly, he couldn't wait to meet him again.
"We'd better go home," said Maureen as they got to the gallery couple of hours later. He looked at her sorrowfully. He'd give anything to head home with them, but he still had a lot to do.
"Mommy," said Libby all of a sudden, pulling at Maureen's arm, looking at her urgently.
Maureen knelt beside the little girl, who whispered something in her ear. She smiled. "It's the last door down that hall over there. You'll be okay by yourself, baby?"
"I will," said Libby, already halfway down the hall to the bathroom.
They exchanged a smile and he led her to the back of the gallery, where his office was. He didn't close the door so that Libby could find them later. Maureen looked at him a bit concerned. "You look tired."
"Nah, I'm okay," he said, wrapping his arms around her. She shot him a seductive look and leaned forward to kiss him. He put a finger on her lips. "Libby's in the other room."
She smiled and kissed his nose. "What did you think I was going to do?" she asked innocently.
He shook his head. The Tango Maureen all over again. "You're teasing."
"No… just giving you something to look forward to," she whispered, winking, just as Libby returned.
"Hey, I'm back!" he called as he closed the door and locked it behind him. He took off his coat with a sigh of relief. It was beginning to be cold again outside once the sun set, but not here. It felt as if the heat was on. Libby ran over to him and he smiled and picked her up. "Hi there! Do I know you?" he joked, kissing her cheek. He looked over her shoulder. No sign of Maureen. "Mo?"
"I'm in here!" was her answer, coming from the kitchen. Then after a few seconds, her head peeked out. "Good, you're back. Just in time." But he could sense it right away. Something was wrong. There was something in her tone… only he wasn't really sure what it was. He shrugged as he put Libby down. Maybe he was imagining things. Libby pulled his arm, shaking him from his reverie. He took her hand and they went over to the dining table together.
Maureen hardly said two words to him at dinner, but he dismissed it because they could never talk much when Libby was around. He told her that Tammy felt a little better, and that they postponed the Life benefit in two weeks. He wasn't even sure she heard a word of what he said. He glanced at her every now and again, but if she noticed him doing it, she ignored it. She was silent and distant. What the hell was going on?
As soon as dinner was over, she got up, took some of the dishes and headed for the kitchen.
"Do you need help with that?" he asked, getting up.
"No thanks, I got it," she said shortly, not even looking at him. She disappeared before he could say another word. Something weird was going on.
"Libby, go to your room and pick out something we can read together, okay? I'll be there in a minute." He watched Libby as she disappeared down the hall. Then he took some plates and followed Maureen into the kitchen.
"What's going on?" he asked.
She turned, looking a bit startled it seemed. As if she didn't expect him to follow her there. "Nothing is going on. Can you please make sure that Libby is ready for bed while I'm finishing up here?"
"Yeah…" he said slowly, looking at her carefully. It was obvious that she was lying. Something was definitely going on. "I can finish up here if you wa-"
"-I said I got it, Mark," she cut him off abruptly, in that tone he hasn't heard for years. There was something very cold and distant in her eyes. Now he was beginning to panic. But whatever was bothering her, he knew better than piss her off even more. So he left the dishes on the counter and went to Libby's room.
"… They both got up and left the tea things on the table, and Mr. Tumnus once more put up his umbrella and gave Lucy his arm, and they went out into the snow. The journey back was not at all like the journey to the Faun's cave; they stole along the way as quickly as they could, without speaking a word, and Mr. Tumnus-"
As he raised his head from the book, he suddenly noticed Libby was fast asleep, her breaths deep and even, her little hand clutching her teddy-bear. He smiled and slowly closed the book, placing it on the nightstand. He sat there and watched her for a few seconds before he leaned over to kiss her forehead, turned off the lamp on her bedside and left the room quietly.
The apartment was quiet. The sound of running water had stopped, which meant that Maureen was no longer in the kitchen. He wouldn't let her get away with it. He couldn't stand it when she avoided him like that. Everything was fine several hours ago when they met for lunch. He wondered what was wrong.
He found her in their bedroom, sitting in front of the mirror, staring at nothing. He closed the door and approached her, gently laying his hands on her shoulders. He felt her tense. It took her three more seconds to get up and move away from him, to the other end of the room.
"Maureen-"
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"Don't wanna talk about what? Will you at least tell me what the hell is wrong?"
She snorted. "Because we don't hide things from one another. We tell each other everything, don't we?" There was a kind of mockery in the way she said it. And now that he looked more closely he saw pain in her eyes. This realization caught him completely by surprise because she never let anything and anyone get to her. What happened that hurt her so much?
"Maureen…" he started, slowly moving towards her. He made sure she wouldn't have anywhere to go. He cornered her, her back against the wall near the window. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. But I feel like I did something to you that I shouldn't have done… and if I hurt you, I think I should know about it so I can at least apologize," he said it gently, hoping she'd calm down.
Before he knew it, a single tear slid down her cheek. Then another… and then another. She pushed him away and walked towards the door. "I'm fine."
He hurried after her, quickly grabbing the doorknob before she'd try to do the same and leave the room. "No, you're not! Stop lying to me, Maureen, stop pretending that everything's okay!"
"Why, am I not doing it well enough, Mr. Filmmaker-slash-Director? I thought I was a pretty good actress." He just stared at her as she sat on their bed. What was she talking about? But before he had a chance to ask her that, she looked at him again. "How could you hide it from me?"
"What?"
She shook her head. "Oh, yeah, I forgot. You are the expert of pretending, after all."
"Maureen, come on, I don't you what are you-"
"Cut the crap, Mark. I found the papers."
"You found what pa- Oh." Shit. Oh God. This was not how she was supposed to find out about him wanting to adopt Libby. No wonder she was pissed at him. Now he realized it was betrayal that he saw in her eyes. He sighed and sat on the bed next to her. He took her hand gently in his. She didn't try to back away. "I wanted to tell you. I intended to tell you back then when I came over to visit you in San Francisco. Things didn't really work as I planned. I should have told you earlier, but…" his voice trailed off. He knew that her reaction was totally his fault. He didn't even care that the fact she knew about the papers meant that from some reason, she went over his stuff. He knew she would never invade his privacy that way on purpose. She must have had a reason to go into his study. And the papers were just there on the desk. He should have told her before; it's just that he never found the time. There was always something else that had to be done.
There was a short silence, and then she looked at him, her eyes still shining with tears. "Just tell me one thing. Are you doing this because this is what you want, or because you feel like getting back at your mom?"
"What? How can you say that? What does my mom have to do with it?"
"She has everything to do with it! Don't you realize how it looks like?"
She didn't know he discussed the possibilities of adoption with his lawyer before he even broke the news to his mom. In other circumstances it would have looked just as she suggested, as if he was doing this just for some sort of stupid revenge, but didn't she know him? Didn't she trust him enough to know he'd never do that?
He looked at her seriously. "Maureen, listen to me. I will never use Libby to get back at my mom. I want to adopt her because I love her, because I want to be her father as much as I want to be your husband. It has nothing to do with my mother." His gaze never left hers as he spoke. He hoped it sounded at truthful as it felt. She still looked kind of doubtful, though, which made him kind of frustrated. How could she not believe him? Unless… "There's another thing, right? Something else that bothers you?" She hesitated, but then slowly nodded and looked away, silent tears still running down her face. He touched her face gently. "Tell me what happened."
"Your mom called," she said quietly, raising her eyes to meet his.
Oh shit. Now he realized why she looked so wrecked. He didn't even think about why his mother suddenly decided to call his apartment after she made it clear she didn't want to talk to him ever again. It didn't matter; the damage was done either way.
Before Maureen could resist, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. Surprisingly, she didn't try to pull away. He felt her tears soaking through his shirt as she cried silently. It wasn't hysterical; more as if she held it inside for so long that she just had to let it out of her system. He felt the fury growing within him. If this was his mother's doing… "What did she say to you?"
"Exactly what she told you, I guess, only you never bothered to share it with me. If you did, at least I could have been prepared when she threw it all at me."
"I'm sorry," he whispered, rubbing her back. Every word stung, but he felt as if he deserved it. "I thought I was protecting you. I wasn't expecting her to call here and tell you all those things herself."
"I don't even know why I care. I shouldn't care. I knew what she was thinking, it's not like it was a big surprise, it's just… listening to her saying it…"
He felt so hopeless. He hated that his mother had the ability to get to her like that, although Maureen was just as strong. He could only guess that his mother's attack included Libby somehow. It was the only reason he could think of for Maureen to become so vulnerable. He should have warned her that his mother knew about Libby. "Shh…"
"I'm sorry. I know it's stupid to cry about it, I'm just-"
"Shh. That's okay. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that she knew about Libby. I didn't even mean to tell her, it just slipped. And about those papers-"
"I know you would never have done it to get back at her," she said, her tone softening. "I don't know what made me say it."
"Please don't let my mom do that to you," he asked seriously.
She laughed in spite of her tears. "That's the weirdest thing! I never let anyone do that to me! But the way she dared talking about Libby… If she was here I could have killed her."
"I know. I'm sorry you had to go through this."
"I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier. It just caught me really off-guard."
"That's okay. I just wanted it to be a surprise."
She smiled. "Mark, please. No more surprises, no more secrets."
He nodded and raised his finger to wipe her tears. "Alright. No more surprises, no more secrets."
"Promise?"
He leaned forward to kiss her gently. Sealed with a kiss, he thought as he locked his gaze with hers. "Promise."
