Chapter 11
He had to work on the morning of the Life benefit. Libby was about to leave for Jersey with Maureen's parents later that day, and he was sorry he wouldn't be able to be there when she'd go, but he said goodbye to her before he left for work. She was still in bed and kind of sleepy when he kissed her forehead and told her to have a great weekend with her grandparents. He knew that she would. They loved the little girl to death. Well, who wouldn't?
Tammy showed up half an hour after he did, bringing bagels and coffee. Since they had about an hour until the opening they sat in his office, having breakfast, and only then he realized how much he missed just hanging out with her. He hardly had time to do that anymore, and it kind of felt as if he was neglecting her, their friendship, but Tammy just shrugged it off. He hoped that after that night, he'd have more time to spend with his best friend.
They kept chatting even after the coffee was finished, the bagels were eaten, and they had to open the doors. Then a student of his walked in, so he gave him a tour, leaving Tammy near the front counter. When the phone rang some time later, he was too far from it to answer. He looked over at Tammy, who saluted to him jokingly and reached for it. He saw her saying something into the receiver and smiling. Then she looked back up.
"It's for you, Cohen!"
"Who is it?" he asked as he approached her. She just had that smug expression on, so he had a pretty clear idea about who was it on the other end. He frowned. "Thanks, Tammy. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me."
"Alrightie."
He closed his office's door and reached for the phone on his desk. "Hello?"
"Hey."
He leaned back on his chair. An upset Maureen was never a good sign. "What happened?"
"My baby is gone," she said. She sounded as if she was about to cry.
This was a side of Maureen he never thought he'd get to see. She sounded so much like… well, like a mom. He laughed softly. "She'll only be gone for two days, Maureen. She's safe, she's with your parents."
"I know… it's just…" she sighed. "I've never been away from her for more than a few hours. And it's Saturday and you're working and I'm bored," she said, her tone a bit whiny. "Any chance you'll be home earlier?"
He'd give anything to get home earlier, but unfortunately it was going to be one hell of a busy day. "I'm not sure. I should stop by at the hotel to see if the guys need anything. I might be home around 7."
"Oh," she said, sounding somewhat disappointed. There was a short pause before she spoke again. "You know what I just realized?" she asked, a hint of a smile in her voice.
"What?"
"Tonight is gonna be our first official date."
He smiled. He never thought of it that way. Their dates years before included dinners at Life, a movie when they could afford it, and it was always casual. He could never afford making reservations in a fancy restaurant, not even on their anniversary. Tonight was going to be the first time he'd see her really dressed up. He couldn't wait until he would. "Guess you're right."
"Will you dance with me?"
"As long as it's not the Tango." He missed her reply for that, though. There was a knock on the door and Tammy peered inside. "Mo, I gotta go. I'll talk to you when I'm out of here, okay?"
"Alright, have a good day."
"You too." He hung up and looked at Tammy questionably. She looked unusually serious, a bit uneasy even. "What happened?"
"Your sister is here."
"What?" Cindy, there? She was only in the gallery once, when they opened. His mother came then too, he remembered. He didn't call his sister for several weeks now, he was so busy. He kind of guessed the reason for her visit.
He got up and followed Tammy back into the gallery. There was Cindy, near the front counter, looking around at the photos that hung on the walls. She turned her head just as he entered. There was something a bit unnatural in the way she smiled. He could see that even from that distance. He pretended he didn't notice though as he approached her, and kissed her cheek. "Cindy, hey. What's up? What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you. I hope it's a good time."
He looked around. It was still kind of early for the place to be packed with visitors. He glanced at Tammy, who gave him a quick reassuring nod. "Sure, now is fine. Let's go to my office," he said, guiding his sister down the hall again.
She took a seat, and he sat back on his chair in front of the desk. He eyed her curiously. She said nothing, as if she wasn't sure how to start.
"How is everyone? Dan, the boys, Natalie?" he asked casually.
"Alright. They're doing fine," she replied shortly. Then her gaze suddenly fell on something on his desk. It was a framed picture he laid there the week before. They took it the previous Sunday, when they all went to the park. He asked an old lady to take a picture of him with Maureen and Libby. In the picture he was holding Maureen that was holding Libby, that was holding her bear. The lady took five pictures, but this turned out to be his favorite, so he brought it there.
"Why are you here, Cindy?" he asked slowly. He didn't mean to sound nasty. He knew she was there because of their mother, but he also knew that Cindy would never take their mother's side without listening to his side first. And now she was there… he just wondered why.
Her gaze shifted from the photo back to him. She hesitated, but only for a moment. Her brown eyes, so much like their parents', met his. His blue eyes were ever a mystery to everyone in the family. "Next month is mom's birthday," she started carefully.
He leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes. Yeah, now he realized where she was going with this. Noticing his movement, she just continued speaking, as if to prevent him from protesting.
"Dan and I thought it would be nice to do a small family gathering and surprise her." Yeah, he heard of the Cohens' 'small' family gathering. Usually it ended up with dozens of aunts and uncles whom he met last on his Bar Mitzvah. "We're gonna do it at our place. I'd love it if you could come," she added quickly, as if she was afraid she'd regret it.
"No," he said simply. She had no idea how much it hurt. He didn't want to detach himself from his family. Not again, not like that. But his mother didn't leave him much choice.
Cindy shook her head. "Mark, please. Think about it. That's all I'm asking."
"I won't go there, pretending that everything is okay when it's not," he insisted.
"Look, it doesn't have to be like that. If you'll be there, she'll see you care, and maybe then you two could-"
"If she doesn't know I care by now, that's her problem."
"Maybe if she'll see Maureen and her daughter-"
"Our daughter. And no. I won't do that to them. I won't give mom the opportunity to publicly shame them."
"What?" exclaimed Cindy, obviously shocked. "She'll never do that!"
He didn't feel like telling Cindy about Maureen's conversation with their mother. It was none of her business. "Look, Cindy, this is really useless-"
"Is it?" she cut him off abruptly, her tone desperate, pleading. "I don't think so. You had couple of good years, you and mom, after dad died. Do you really feel like going back to the time before that, Mark?"
"If she doesn't respect my choices, maybe I do!" He sighed. He didn't mean to yell at his sister. All his rage was aimed at his mother. Cindy had nothing to do with it. He glanced at her. She looked offended. "Look, Cindy… I appreciate the fact that you wanna help, I really do. But this is between mom and me."
"No, it's not, Mark. This is between everyone. Once mom comes to dinner and all she talks about is your mistakes, it's not just between the two of you. Don't you see? It became everyone's problem," she said, her eyes glistening with tears. He was shocked. Cindy was always so self-controlled. She kept her emotions to herself. This was one thing they had in common. It sounded as if it was bothering her for a while now. "Look, I'm not blaming you. I know how mom is like. But what exactly am I supposed to do when she doesn't stop talking about it? I start thinking that maybe she has a point. Maybe you are making a mistake. But then I get here… and see this," she said, taking the photo from his desk. "And look at how happy you all are. How can that be a mistake?"
"Exactly," he said, gently taking the photo from her. He locked his gaze with hers. "This is what mom refuses to understand. And this is why I can't be there for her birthday, Cindy. It's not up to me anymore, I've done all I could. Please try to understand it."
"Well, you can't blame me for trying," she said, hardly looking at him, as she wiped her tears.
He hated to see his sister so upset. "Look… why don't you come over to dinner next week someday? I know it's a long drive, but I really want you to know them. They don't deserve to be judged the way mom does."
Cindy hesitated, but then smiled. "I'd love that." She took his hand and squeezed it. "Mark, I didn't come here to convince you to change your mind about this. I really didn't. It's just…" she sighed. "I just want everything to be okay between you and mom again."
He smiled sadly. "Then both of us want the same thing. But I told you, it's not up to me anymore."
"I know. I hope everything will work out."
"I hope so too," he said. He wasn't very optimistic about it, but he didn't want to upset Cindy by telling her that.
He got back home a bit after 7PM, and he knew he had very little time to get ready. A cab was supposed to be there within an hour to pick them up. The apartment was quiet when he entered and dropped his stuff on the couch. He heard a faint sound of streaming water, so he assumed Maureen was in the shower. He kicked off his shoes as he walked down the hall and into their bedroom, where the sound of water got louder, obviously coming from the adjoining bathroom. He spotted his tux laid carefully on the bed, with a small note attached to it. Latecomers get the guest bathroom. Meet you in the living room at 7:55. He smiled as he took his tux and other stuff he knew he'd need and left the room, slowly closing the door behind him.
He would have given a lot for a longer shower, but he was running out of time. He shaved quickly and got dressed. Once he was ready, he went back to their bedroom, only to find the door locked. He jiggled the doorknob. "Maureen?"
"Is it 7:55?" was her reply, muffled by the door.
He glanced at his watch. 7:42. "Uh… no."
"Well, the note said 7:55, didn't it?"
What was she up to now? He shook his head. "Yeah… it did." He stared at the door cluelessly. What was he supposed to do now? Well, not that there were many available options. "Uh… I'll just wait in the living room, I guess." The sound of the hair-dryer was his only reply.
Sighing, he went back to the living room and turned the TV on, only to quickly turn it off after he didn't find anything interesting. He closed his eyes and listened to the silence. It felt weird. He wasn't used to things being so quiet around, not since Libby and Maureen moved in. If he got home when Libby was still awake, she was always around, wanting him to read for her or play with her dolls. And now she was gone… and he started to realize how lonely Maureen must have felt that morning.
He should have called the Johnsons earlier to say goodnight to her, but now it was too late. She was probably asleep. He'd have to try and remember to give her a call first thing tomorrow. He hoped that she was okay, that she was warm enough, that they were taking a good care of her-
He opened his eyes to the sound of clanging heels, and sat up. What time was it? When did he fall asleep? Damn, he hoped he didn't wrinkle his suit. Then he remembered the noise that woke him up and turned to look back. His jaw nearly dropped to the floor as he slowly stood up. Maureen stood there, in the middle of the living room, wearing a strapless black dress. It made her look taller, the way it was wrapped around her body so perfectly, ending almost at her feet. Her hair was tied back in a tight, elegant bun. The only jewelry she wore were small, diamond earrings he knew she got from her parents for some birthday. They sparkled in the dim light of the single lamp from the corner of the room.
Then he realized he was staring at her, and he tried to pull himself together. He knew she was expecting him to say something, but he was completely speechless. He opened his mouth to speak, but it felt as if he had forgotten how.
She looked at him amused and somewhat hesitant. "If you don't like it I can go back and change," she said, and he wasn't sure if she meant it. Was she kidding him? Couldn't she see how he was practically drooling all over the floor?
He slowly approached her, took her hand and brought it to his lips. "You look stunning," he said, kissing the back of her hand.
"I wouldn't want to embarrass you in front of your friends," she said playfully, strengthening an invisible wrinkle on his suit jacket.
"I'm afraid I'll be the one who'll embarrass you," he laughed nervously. He couldn't stop staring at her. He felt so dull comparing to her. What did he do to deserve her? "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah, I'll just get my coat."
They got to the hotel just in time. Oliver was standing in the lobby, accompanied by an unfamiliar redhead, and some of their colleagues in Life. His forehead wrinkled in confusion. He didn't know Oliver was seeing someone. Just then, Oliver raised his head and their gazes met. Oliver's eyes lit up immediately.
"I'll be damned! Mark! You're here on time!"
"I thought that under the circumstances it would be more appropriate," he laughed, guiding Maureen towards the group. "Oliver, this is Maureen Johnson, my-"
"Oh, so you're the poor girl who's gonna marry him!" exclaimed Oliver, smiling widely, his arm outstretched.
Maureen laughed and shook his hand. "I'm afraid so. Nice to meet you, Oliver."
"Same here. This is Laurie, my sister," said Oliver, smiling at the redhead.
Now that he said sister, he could see the resemblance between the two of them. He smiled as he shook Laurie's hand. He introduced Maureen to the rest of the guys and then Oliver glanced at his watch and urged them all into the ballroom.
He wasn't listening attentively to Lindsey's speech, since he had already heard it that afternoon when he stopped by when the guys were in the middle of sound-check. He looked around. The ballroom wasn't enormous, just in the right size for their purposes. There were two dozen round tables around a small dance-floor, all occupied. He knew it was a good sign. Some of the guests that were invited were very influential. He hoped that the evening would do justice to the purposes of Life.
Looking around again, he suddenly realized he was missing one particular face. Andy was nowhere to be seen. He really wanted Andy to be there. He wondered if something was wrong. He hoped that he was feeling well. Then there were loud applause when Lindsey finished her speech, and the lights dimmed and they started viewing his film. He could never stand watching his own stuff, yet he felt it would be inappropriate to just leave the room. So instead, he let his gaze wander once again.
A sigh of relief escaped him as he spotted Andy, leaning on a wall close to the doors, as if he had just walked in. He was watching the screen, where the film was still viewed, but then, as if sensing he was being watched, his gaze shifted from the screen and met his. He acknowledged him with a small wave and a smile. At least he was okay.
As the lights were turned back on and the small band took over, everyone came over to their table to compliment him on his film. At some point, Maureen left him alone with them. She had just met someone who lived next door to her and Joanne, who apparently was active in Life as well. The two disappeared among the crowd, but he still managed to catch glimpses of Maureen's black dress every now and again.
"Look at you, Mr. Popularity," said a familiar voice from behind him. He turned to see Andy standing in front of him, smiling.
He smiled, happy with the opportunity to get away from all that attention. He hated being in the spotlight. "Hey! You're late, I thought you wouldn't make it."
"Yeah, I know. Blame it on the damn New York traffic."
As they moved away from the crowd, he observed Andy more closely. "How are you feeling?"
"Better. I have my days, you know, but generally, I'm better. The film was great by the way."
"Thanks. I'm not very fond of it, but Oliver wanted the best I had. I've been told that this was it."
"Well, I enjoyed it. Strong message."
"Thank you." He felt his cheeks turn red. He never felt comfortable discussing the films he made. Photos were different; he was happy to spend ours talking with visitors in the gallery, but films? It was always his favored source of interest. Making them was like uncovering hidden parts of his soul. He felt that there was something very personal in each film, too personal to talk about it with others once it gets viewed. Thinking of how to shift the conversation as far away as possible from his films, he suddenly noticed Maureen, who was approaching him. "Oh, I'd like you to meet someone."
Andy looked at him questionably. "Who?"
"My fiancée, here she comes right now. Excuse me for a sec," he said, already halfway towards Maureen.
"There you are, I was looking all over for you," she said, smiling. She looked beautiful, radiant, in a way he had never seen her before. Like a Audrey Hepburn film, he thought, smiling. Especially with that dress. "What's up?"
"Come on, I'd like you to meet someone," he said, taking her hand.
"Who?"
"Remember that guy I told you about last week?" he said, just as they approached Andy. He was observing the stage, standing with his back to them. He tapped on his shoulder, and Andy turned to face them. "Andy, this is Maureen, she's my fiancée."
A shadow crossed the natural glimmer of Andy's eyes as they met Maureen's, but it was so quick he thought he was just imagining it. But then as he glanced at Maureen, his heart skipped a beat. She went pale. Her skin was always milky white, but now all of a sudden it seemed worse, especially with such sharp contrast with her dress. Her expression was frozen, unreadable, and although she was still smiling, it wasn't as before.
Then she seemed to have pulled herself together from whatever the hell she was going through; she looked at Andy and said, "Nice to meet you, Andy," but her tone implied otherwise. It sounded as if she was just trying to be polite. It was invisible for someone who didn't know her, she was a good actress after all, but he knew her for enough time to know when she was pretending. Besides, she wasn't like that when he introduced Oliver to her.
"You too," said Andy very quietly, not really like himself as well. He didn't even shake her hand. He looked thunder-stricken. "I… I should check if Oliver needs some help with the, uh- I'll talk to you later, Mark," he murmured and walked off.
He looked at Maureen, now a bit panicked. She didn't move, she didn't say anything. She looked as if she would faint in any second. What the hell was wrong with her? He didn't think she would handle another breakdown like the one she had in San Francisco if that was the case. He hoped it wasn't. "Maureen? Are you okay?" he asked, gently touching her hand.
Before he knew it, she pulled her hand away. Her abrupt movement shocked him. So did her eyes. They were glistening, as if with tears. "I… I don't feel very well," she whispered.
"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, but she moved past him before he had a chance to take her back to their table. He followed her as she walked there on her own and sat down. "I'll get you some water, okay?" he asked, about to get up.
"No. I just… can we go back home please?" she asked, looking at him urgently.
He hesitated, but only for a second. She looked bad. This wasn't funny, this was serious. He nodded. "Sure. Of course. We can go home," he said gently. "Do you want to wait here while I find a cab?"
Again, she got up before he had a chance to move. "No, I'll go with you." This time he knew better than try and touch her. Luckily, there were many cabs waiting out of the hotel. He gave the driver their address and they took off immediately.
She said nothing all the way home. She gazed through the window, as if she was in some sort of a trance. He felt his panic rising. When did it start? And why? She was perfectly fine one moment, and then, all of a sudden…
He locked the door behind them and slipped out of his coat. He laid it on the couch when he heard the door to their bedroom closes. He wasn't sure he wanted to go in there; he was truly anxious about what he might find there, but he knew he had to. From a reason he still couldn't figure out, Maureen was obviously distressed. And whatever it was that was bothering her, he had to be there for her.
He slowly opened the door and entered the room. Maureen was sitting in front of the mirror, still wearing her dress. She was taking hair-pins out of her hair, that was softly falling down her back now. She looked at him through the mirror as he came in, but said nothing. He stole a glance or two at her as he took off the tux and dropped it on a chair near the window. He didn't care that it'd get all wrinkled by tomorrow. He didn't care of anything at the moment. He wanted to know what was going on.
He watched her as she ran a hand through her hair absent-mindedly. It was streaming down her shoulders, not as curly as always. She probably straightened it before pulling it back earlier that evening, he figured. She looked beautiful either way. He approached her slowly, and gently laid his hand on her back. His fingers felt for the zipper at the back of her dress and he was about to pull it down for her, when she suddenly jolted out of her chair.
"Don't," she said, her back against a wall.
"I just wanted to help you."
"I can handle it," she said, disappearing in the bathroom.
He stared at the closed door for a moment. He wasn't sure what he should do. On the one hand he thought that leaving her alone wasn't smart, because something was obviously going on. On the other hand… Ugh. He approached the door and knocked lightly. "Maureen?"
He was surprised when she opened the door couple of moments later. She was wearing her nightshirt now, which was actually one of his old flannel shirts she liked. Her face was clean with makeup, her earrings gone. He looked at her intently. No tears. She wasn't crying. She looked perfectly calm, but whatever it was that made her act like that, it was still there, hidden under the mask she wore so well.
"Please tell me what's wrong," he asked. That seemed to startle her. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because he was able to read through her mask. She shook her head, looking away from him. "Maureen, please. I've never seen you like this, I need to know what happened." Still, no response. She was sitting on their bed now, so he walked over to her and knelt next to the bed, so they'd be at the same eye-level. "No more secrets, Maureen. It was you who asked this, remember? Tell me what's wrong," he pleaded, his eyes fixed on hers.
She hesitated at first, but then she took a deep breathe and looked straight into his eyes. "This guy you introduced me tonight. The one with the HIV," she started, her voice a bit shaking.
"Andy?" She nodded, and he couldn't help but wonder how all that had to do with Andy. She didn't even talk to him, they were standing together for maybe two seconds. "What about him?" She didn't answer for a while. She was just sitting there, staring at nothing in particular behind him. She wasn't crying. Her face were emotionless, a perfect mask. Thousands of questions were whirling through his head. How did any of this have to do with Andy? Did he do something to her? He couldn't have, he was with them all the time. He got up. His slight movement seemed to snap her out of her reverie, and she turned to look at him as he sat next to her. "Maureen, talk to me," he asked softly.
She looked away, but quickly turned her gaze back to him again. Her tearless eyes met his. He was shocked by what he had found in her eyes. Fear. She looked terrified. But why?
Before he could question it, before he had a chance to do anything, she spoke again. Her quiet words echoed in the deathly silenced room, catching him completely off-guard. "He's my ex-husband."
