Houston, We Have a Problem

By Kyizi

Disclaimer: Gilmore Girls and all related items do not belong to me. Only the Story and its related original ideas and characters are mine. No copyright infringement intended.

Rating: PG-13.

Spoilers: Up to and including 5x10, 'But Not As Cute As Pushkin'.

Distribution: Please ask, the answer will likely be yes.

Pairing: Rory/Logan

Feedback: is a gift. It's nice to give.

Notes: Okay, again I've been AWOL. Will not bother to give you excuses, you deserve better after the feedback you've all been getting and I'm sorry. You guys ROCK. Thank you so much and I hope you continue to enjoy it.

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Part Eight


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"What?"

Rory and Logan looked at each other suddenly, the roar of Luke's voice somehow breaking through the normal chatter of the diner. Logan looked ready to bolt and Lane quickly approached the table.

"I think she told him," Lane said redundantly.

"You think?"

"No need to be sarcastic, Rich Boy."

"I'm sorry; I have a tendency to get snippy when my life flashes before my eyes. I'll be sure to apologise after Luke's done digging my grave."

She wasn't exactly sure when it had started, but before she knew it Rory was clutching at her sides as she laughed uncontrollably. Lane and Logan looked at her in confusion and exchanged glances.

"You know, I figured when I heard about this plan that she'd cracked, didn't think it'd go this far."

Logan glanced at Lane. "Is she prone to psychotic behaviour?"

"It's been a long time coming." Lane frowned further as Rory attempted to talk, but couldn't stop laughing long enough to actually say anything. "Okay, Rory, breathe. And then maybe you can tell us why the thought of Luke killing your pretend fiancé has you pulling a Billy Connolly on us."

Logan frowned. "Billy Connolly?"

"Scottish comedian."

"Yeah, I know who he is; it's the reference I'm not getting."

"He has a tendency to laugh hysterically before actually managing to tell the audience what's so funny. He's a comedic genius, even if he is slightly insane."

"Right." Logan shook his head and turned to Rory who was finally calming down. "So, Ace, any reason you're laughing hysterically at the thought of my untimely demise?"

"Y-your face! You looked terrified."

"And you find this funny?"

Rory nodded. "Hilarious."

Logan shook his head. He opened his mouth to say something, but froze when Luke came storming back into the diner. He stopped directly at their table, glaring at Logan, before turning to look at Rory.

"He force you into this?"

"Nope."

"You really want to do it?"

"Really get married or really go through with the plan? Because I'm thinking emphatically 'no' on the first and 'yes' on the second."

"But not emphatically yes?" Luke asked, somehow succeeding in making it sound like a threat.

"Luke," Rory said softly. "I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't want to do this. I'm helping out a friend and it'll be fun teasing people. I mean, can you imagine the looks on everyone's faces?"

Luke nodded. "Oh yeah, I imagine it'll be great until they've planned out the entire thing. I can just see Taylor decorating the town, Miss Patty giving you dance lessons, Babette making the arrangements for the reception, Sookie preparing the food and making the cake, Kirk offering to do everything else-"

"Oh my God!" Rory looked at Lorelai in horror. "He's right! They'll have me down the isle before we can say 'bad idea'!"

"Rory, honey, calm down." Lorelai glared at Luke. "You, back behind the counter and not a word to anyone." Luke glared one last time at Logan before heading to the counter, leaving Lane free to join them at the table. Lorelai sat down next to Rory and smiled. "Honey, you knew what you were agreeing to, but you also know that you can back out before this gets started. Now, I can handle Sookie by telling her the truth. I'm not saying she won't make food and a cake anyway, but she'll know it's for a fake wedding and, hey, that means we get cake." Rory cracked a smile and Lorelai grinned at her. "As for the others, I think Emily can handle them."

Rory frowned. "What?"

"Well, I have news." She turned in and looked at them all. "I was just talking to your grandma and your mom, Logan and-"

"You talked to grandma?" Rory asked, surprised. "And you're smiling?"

"Hey, I talk to grandma and occasionally, who am I kidding, I never smile. It's like talking to a politician; your brain goes into standby mode until they're done talking. But anyway, this was different. It seems your grandmother is quite the schemer. Okay, so I knew that, but this time she's on our side."

"Really?" Rory asked. "See, I told you grandma can be nice. I'm so glad she doesn't think this is for real."

"Oh, you poor innocent child. She intends to have you both down that isle within five years."

"But you just said-"

"Rory, honey," Lorelai said, patting Rory's arm as if she was talking to a child or a puppy. "You're so naïve. Emily will use this to her advantage. She will plot and plan and try to make sure that this plan ends up being real. However, you are the Golden Child. She wants you to finish Yale first. She wants you to work and fulfil your dreams. However, she also wants you to end up Mrs. Huntzberger."

"I don't understand."

"Logan?" Lorelai said, inviting the young man to fill in her clueless daughter.

"I think what your mom's trying to say is that they'll play along in the hopes that it'll bring us closer together so that one day, in the not so distant future, fake will become reality."

"And how does that help us now?" Rory asked, not prepared to tackle the larger question of 'how to stop Emily Gilmore'.

"Easy," Lorelai replied with a smile. "She won't want this small town ruining her plans. Therefore, she'll insist that they leave everything to her. She'll make sure that nothing is done without her say so. She will become a force that not even Stars Hollow will want to reckon with."

Rory frowned. "I'm not sure this is a good thing."

"Neither am I!" Lorelai said with a huge grin. "But it'll be worth all those presents! Just think of all those snooty people buying you expensive gifts!"

"We can't accept gifts." Rory turned to Logan. "We can't accept gifts."

"You are not my daughter! There was a switch at the hospital."

"Logan," Rory said, ignoring her mother.

"Okay, Ace, we'll tell people that we don't want gifts until the actual wedding-"

"Which will not actually happen," Rory interrupted.

"Exactly. That way there's nothing to return when it gets called off."

"Or postponed," Lorelai muttered.

"What?" Rory demanded.

"Nothing! I was…nothing." Lorelai grinned at her.

"So, no gifts."

"No gifts, Ace," Logan agreed easily, smiling at her.

"Wow, look at that," Lorelai said, exchanging a glance with Lane. "Not even married and he's already under the thumb."

"Ooh, there's Miss Patty," Lane said gleefully. "Please can I go tell her now?"

Rory glanced at Logan. "You realise that when she tells Miss Patty there's no going back."

Logan nodded and took hold of her hand, which was on the table. "I know. You can still call this off."

They stared at each other across the table for a moment, oblivious to the fact that Lorelai, Luke, and Lane were all watching them. Whilst Lorelai and Lane were grinning from ear to ear, Luke was frowning; it looked like more than just pretend to him and he couldn't help thinking that this was all going to blow up in someone's face. Who's, though, he wasn't sure. He just hoped it wasn't Rory's, or he'd beat the crap out of the rich kid.

A moment later, Rory smiled. "Go on, Lane. You can tell Miss Patty," she said, not breaking eye contact with Logan. Lane squealed and ran out the door, Lorelai chasing after her, adamant that she was going to watch.

Rory and Logan just continued to stare at each other.

"This is going to be a wild ride, Ace."

"Yep."

"You ready for this?"

"Oh, I'm ready for this," Rory said with a smirk. "I think the question, Huntzberger, is 'Are you ready for me'?"

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End of Part Eight

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For those that wanted Rory to tell Finn and Colin in this chapter, SORRY! I promise that'll happen soon, hopefully in the next one. For the moment, hope this will suffice and answer a lot of those 'but how exactly will it work' questions.

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