Chapter 16

"Libby, baby, hurry up!" she said, looking back at her daughter, who was still standing in front of a display of stuffed bears.

"Can't we get one, mommy?" Libby asked sorrowfully, but still followed her away from the children's department.

"Maybe later, baby, there are other stuff we gotta do first, okay?"

Libby nodded, but still looked sad. God, she hated when her baby was sad. She hated that look. It was so damn irresistible. She smiled and knelt next to her. "I promise we'll go back there later, alright? And if we won't have time today we'll go back here tomorrow and you can choose one. Is that better? Can I have that smile back now?" Libby's eyes lit, and she flashed her one of her most adorable toothless grins. Her heart melted. "That's better. Now come on, I thought we were going to find something for Daddy."

That was one of the reasons they ended up in that department store after she picked up Libby that afternoon. They explained the adoption procedure to Libby the night before. She wanted to clear it out anyway, no matter how little was Libby's understanding about the whole issue at her young age. Then when she came to pick her up the afternoon after the papers were signed, Libby asked if Mark was her Daddy already, and this was when they both decided they should buy him a present. Since they were already on their way uptown for shopping, it seemed like the right thing to do.

She was clutching Libby's hand. She didn't want to risk losing her again, like she did several months before. A smile curled on her lips when she remembered how it brought her to Mark again. Their wedding was only weeks away now. Weeks, she couldn't believe it. The invitations were ready to be sent, now that they have finally finished up with the guest list. She thought that while they were at the department store she could look for a dress for Libby, because she didn't want to bother her mom all the way from Jersey. And yet, once Libby realized where they were headed, she just stopped walking and looked at her resentfully.

"What is it, Libby?"

"Don't like dresses, mommy," said Libby, pouting.

She laughed and knelt beside her daughter. "I know, sweetie, but it's only for the wedding."

"Why can't I go like this?"

She did look cute with that overall and pink shirt, she told herself. But then she thought about her mom's reaction, and decided not to risk it. "Because it's a wedding, and we want you to look pretty."

"But Daddy says I'm always pretty!" the little girl insisted.

Oh, nice job, Mark, she thought. "But you should look prettier. You'll do that for Daddy and me, won't you, Munchkin? We won't make you wear dresses ever again, I promise." Her gaze was locked with her daughter's. Libby was stubborn, but she seemed to have realized how important it was for her, so eventually she slowly nodded.

"Okay mommy."

She smiled. She loved this little girl to death. "That's my girl," she said, planting a soft kiss on the top of Libby's head. "Why don't we start over-"

"Maureen Johnson?"

She turned at the sound of her name, and her eyes met the blue eyes of an unfamiliar woman. She was standing there, watching her and Libby. Her forehead cringed in confusion. The woman looked as if she knew them, but she couldn't remember ever seeing her in her life. She stood up. "Yeah… I'm sorry, do I know you?"

The woman ignored her question. She looked at her without saying a word for the longest time, in a way that made her feel slightly uncomfortable. There was nothing harmful about her, it seemed. She had a pleasant smile that made her eyes shine. Her blonde hair was tied back in a ponytail. There was something familiar with the way she smiled, but she couldn't quite place it. "You are Maureen Johnson, aren't you?" the woman repeated.

She slowly nodded. "Yeah, but I think you have a mistake, I'm not-"

"Oh, and you must be Libby," the stranger's smile widened.

She could feel Libby's hand back in hers again. The girl was clinging to her side, eyeing the stranger carefully, obviously frightened.

It seemed that the woman noticed that, because she shook her head and said, "Oh sweetie, I didn't mean to scare you. Either of you. It's just that I'm looking forward to meet you for quite some time, but I've never thought I'll just run into you like that." She outstretched her hand. "I'm Cindy Baum, Mark's sister."

She stared at Cindy's outstretched hand. Then she slowly shook it, still a bit uncertain. Her smile seemed honest rather than judging, so did everything she had said so far. It didn't sound like an act, but as if she was looking forward to meet them. She laughed nervously. "I'm not sure what to say," she admitted. Was she under a test? Would Cindy be like their mom? Would she humiliate them in the middle of that crowded mall?

"'Nice to meet you' will be a good start," said Cindy encouragingly. She looked like Mark when she smiled, it finally dawned on her.

"I'm sorry. I guess I was just surprised to meet you here. I thought you lived at Scarsdale."

"I am. I just had a meeting here uptown and it was finished earlier than I expected…" Cindy's voice trailed off as she looked up at her. "Look, we've got a lot to talk about," she said a bit more seriously. "How about we'll go someplace for some coffee?"

"Uhh… okay," she said slowly. Now she was kind of scared. What if Cindy has already made up her mind not to accept Libby and her? What if she'd try and convince her to drop the whole wedding idea?

As if she guessed it, Cindy shook her head. "I just want to know you a bit better. Both of you. I know it's very important for my little brother that I will."

"But how did you know-"

"He has this picture of the three of you in his office. And he used to show me pictures of you when you dated back then. This is where I recognized you from," said Cindy as they went out to the crowded streets.

"Mommy, where are we going?" asked Libby all of a sudden.

She picked the girl up so that she could be at the same eye level with Cindy. "This is Daddy's sister, Munchkin," she said. "We're gonna find a place where we can talk for a while."

"Hi Libby," smiled Cindy. Her eyes met Libby's, and the girl carefully returned her smile. "I heard so much about you."

"Really?" asked Libby.

"Yeah. And Mark is right. You are pretty."

Libby giggled. "See, mommy?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please don't encourage her!"

Cindy laughed. It felt so strange. As they went out to the street, they talked as if they knew each other all their lives. By the time they got to a small café nearby she knew everything she had to know about the Baums; about Cindy's husband Dan, the 15-year-old twins, about their younger sister. They sounded like a really nice family. It seemed as if Cindy was deliberately avoiding talking about her mother, but it was fine by her. She didn't want to know anything about that woman, not after their last conversation.

Their orders arrived, and she wrapped her hands around her coffee mug to keep them warm. Cindy's gaze followed her hands for a moment, and she smiled.

"You're wearing my grandmother's ring," she said softly.

"I've got you to thank. Mark said it was yours."

"Yeah, I got it when I married Dan. I was really close to my grandma so when she died…" she sighed. "Unlike my adventurous brother, I've never really left home, except for college. I didn't have this dream of independence like he had. So while he struggled with pain and loss while living at the Village with all of you guys, the first time I experienced real loss was when Grandma Ida died. She died several days after giving me this ring."

"I'm not so close to my grandparents I'm afraid," she admitted, sipping her coffee. "My mom's parents are still in London, where she came from, and my dad's mom lives in a small town in Chicago. So I hardly ever see either of them."

"But you're close to your parents, aren't you? Mark said that you were."

She smiled, thinking about her mom and dad at their home in Jersey. "Yeah. I owe them my life."

"I think it's very important, to be so grateful to those who raised you," said Cindy quietly, a contemplated expression clouding her usually cheerful face. She knew what was coming next. Here we go, she though, raising her eyes to meet Cindy's. "I've already said that I'm not here to judge you, Maureen," she said seriously. "You have to believe me, I wouldn't have taken my mother's side without knowing you first. Besides, I know Mark, and he doesn't make mistakes that often. I happen to have a lot of faith in my little brother's sense of judgment." She paused for a moment as if to catch her breath, and then she continued.

"I can't change my mother's opinion. I tried, believe me, without even knowing you. But like any other Jewish mom from Scarsdale, my mom wants her son to marry a nice little Jewish girl, start a family, have a good, steady job. Problem is… that Mark is not any son. My mom refuses to face that. My dad did, too. This is why they were so disappointed when he decided to move to New York City after Brown. They wished he'd just go back to Scarsdale and follow their Jewish dream."

She was getting a bit confused as she listened to Cindy. For a second, she wasn't sure Cindy wasn't trying to convince her to call off the wedding. "Are you implying I should feel guilty that he didn't follow your parents' dream?" she asked carefully.

Cindy shook her head, as if shocked that she could even think that. "No, that's not what I meant at all. I'm saying that Mark is special. He's sort of an independent soul inside this Jewish chaos called Scarsdale. He never wanted all that for himself. But my parents never accepted it. Somehow they always found ways to compromise, that is, until Mark and our father just stopped talking after having one of their arguments. Mark decided that he had enough compromising. Then it got a bit better once our father passed away, but now, I'm sorry to say, my mother gets more stubborn as she gets older, but I can also understand Mark in going against her." Their gazes locked, and Cindy smiled. "He loves you. He loves you so much, for years. I think that the reason he has never found someone special enough to marry her was that deep inside, he was still waiting for you to come back."

There was a short pause as Cindy's words slowly sank in. Libby shifted in her seat, and only then she remembered that the little girl was sitting there, probably bored to death, while they were talking. "You okay, Munchkin?"

"I'm tired, mommy."

Cindy seemed to remember how late it became, for she glanced at her watch. "Oh my, look at the time," she laughed. "I should get going, I didn't tell Dan I'd be late." Her eyes lit all of a sudden. "You know what, you should come over to dinner this Friday, to meet the rest of the family!"

If they were as nice as Cindy was, it should be great, she thought. She was about to say she'd talk to Mark about it when her gaze shifted towards Libby again. She remembered how she first reacted when Cindy approached them. Maybe Scarsdale wouldn't be the right place to set this meeting on the first time. "Do you think that maybe you can come to our place instead?" she asked slowly, nodding towards Libby.

It looked as if Cindy understood what she wanted to say, for she nodded. "Of course. You'll speak with my little brother and I'll speak with Dan. It's gonna be great!"

She smiled. Cindy's enthusiasm was contagious. She was so cheerful. It was so different than Mark. Not that he was depressed non-stop or something, just… he kept his feelings mostly to himself.

"Your first Friday dinner," added Cindy, and then it dawned on her. The only time she was at a Friday dinner was back then, when she first met Mark's parents. And now she was the one to make this dinner? Could she even pull it off? What was she supposed to do?

Glancing at her watch, she realized she'd have to struggle with it later though. It was getting late, and Libby was getting cranky. She should be in bed soon. They signaled for the waiter to bring over their check, and after walking Cindy to her subway station, she and Libby headed back home.


The following days went by in a flash. Cindy called several times, originally intending to ask what she should cook for Friday, and somehow they always ended up having long conversations about anything but that. Mark teased her endlessly about it, but he was obviously satisfied that she and his sister got along so well.

She was still kind of scared about this dinner though. Things calmed down slightly after her small panic attack on that evening after she met Cindy. Mark met the Rabbi the day afterwards, and since he asked to see her, she went with him the following day as well. She didn't know what to expect, but he turned out to be a really nice, open-minded man. He gave her a long explanation about the Jewish wedding ceremony and other things he found necessary for her to know. Talking to him made her feel new confidence about this whole thing.

And yet, this confidence was slowly fading now, almost 20 minutes before Cindy and her family would get there. Mark took a day off to help her with the cooking, and they spent most of the morning fooling around the kitchen. Libby wasn't home, so she thought it was a golden opportunity to get Mark drunk, using the red wine they later cooked the meat in, but he wouldn't let her. She smiled as she thought about it now, hoping it would distract her from the panic that was gushing back again, but it didn't.

From somewhere in the apartment, Mark was calling her name. She was too deep in thought to answer. She tried to figure out if there was something they forgot. The table was already set, thanks to Mark and Libby, and everything was back in the stove now. That should do it. Then her thoughts were cut off abruptly as someone laid both hands on her shoulders. It came so out of nowhere, that unless she knew who it was, she might have gotten a heart attack.

"Why are you still in here?" asked Mark as he slowly massaged her shoulders.

She closed her eyes, thinking of nothing but the feeling of his hands on her shoulders, firmly but gently working their way to loosen the tight muscles there. She exhaled slowly, gradually calming down. God, she needed that. "I just wanted to make sure we had everything ready," she managed to say, although she was getting distracted quickly. She tilted her head back to allow him better access.

"Everything is ready, stop worrying," he said quietly, right into her ear. She didn't realize how close he was standing until he said it. His lips grazed the skin of her neck and replaced his hands that brushed against her sides, until they settled on her waist.

"I… don't think it's a good… idea," she murmured. She felt him smile against her neck. He didn't answer. His grip on her waist tightened as he pressed her against him, still kissing her neck. She forced herself to come back to her senses and opened her eyes reluctantly, turning to face him. He was grinning evilly at her. His cheeks were flushed slightly, and he had this naughty sparkle in his eyes. She gave him a look.

"You're thinking too much," he pointed out, and she thought it was funny. It felt as if they changed roles. He smiled as if he knew what she was thinking, and touched her cheek. "Still nervous?"

"A little," she admitted.

"Don't worry. Dan and the kids are great, they really are. You've got nothing to worry about."

Her reply was cut short as the doorbell rang. She let him open the door and stayed behind to check on everything one last time. She listened to their voices, loud, cheerful, all speaking at the same time. She wiped her hands with a small towel and slowly left the kitchen to join them. Mark was just introducing Libby to the kids. She stopped on her tracks and watched her little girl. She looked a bit hesitant, but she seemed to trust Mark, who was kneeling next to her and talking to her softly. The twins did the same as Mark did, and one of them said something that made Libby giggle. This calmed her down right away.

"There you are," said Mark as he saw her standing there. Libby didn't even notice as he left her alone with the twins and their sister. He walked over to her and took her hand. "She's okay, they love her," he assured her, nodding towards the kids.

Shortly afterwards Mark was pulled to his study by his sister, and she was left alone with Dan, Cindy's husband. She liked him right away. He shook her hand enthusiastically as Mark introduced her, telling her how Cindy didn't stop talking about meeting her several days ago. He was amazingly tall and extremely funny, and as Mark and Cindy disappeared from their sight, they continued their conversation without even realizing that they were gone. She liked the way he was glancing at his kids every now and again, as if to make sure they were okay. Luckily, they were all taken by Libby, even the older boys. She didn't expect them to even talk to her, but she couldn't help but smile as the kids disappeared down the hall and then dashed into the living room again, Michael carrying Libby on his back.

Dinner went over pretty well too. Cindy lit the candles and Mark was reading a short prayer from a small book Dan handed him. He looked a bit embarrassed as he cited the unfamiliar words in a singsongy way she only heard once in her life. He looked so unaccustomed to all that, whereas Dan and Cindy and the kids were probably doing this on a weekly basis. She wondered if they would now, too.

Libby was sitting across from her, looking at ease between Josh and Natalie. She looked around her, and her eyes met Cindy's. Her radiant smile said everything, and she returned it, now more certain than ever about the step she was going to take.


Weeks turned to days, and days to hours, and the hours were quickly turning into minutes. She was looking down at the city, which looked like a child's game as it always did when looking at it from over 20 stories above ground. A bit over half an hour before the wedding, she was all ready; her dress fits perfectly, her hair and make-up done, she finally had couple of minutes alone with herself in the elegant suite, where she spent the morning getting ready. She was nervous, much more nervous than she thought she'd be. The last time she has seen Mark was several hours ago, when they had a quick breakfast before her mother came to pick her up. Libby stayed behind with Mark and her father, and they were supposed to get to the hotel later.

Now, that it was almost the moment of truth, it was too late for second thoughts, too late to back away. She didn't want to have second thoughts; she didn't want to regret her choices anymore. For once she wanted to do the right thing; for herself, for Libby. She stepped away from the window and caught a glimpse of her reflection in the mirror. Slowly, she stepped in front of it, taking a closer look. This is right, she told herself. You won't regret it. She smiled. She knew she wouldn't.

A knock came at the door, startling her. "Come in!"

The door opened, and Libby stormed into the room, her mother close behind her. Her smile widened. Her baby looked adorable. In spite of her endless protests about wearing a dress, she finally relented to wear it just this once. Her dress was of lavender colored satin, so bright that it was almost pearly-white. She had a matching ribbon in her hair, that was curling down her shoulders in soft ringlets. She looked like one of her mother's porcelain dolls.

Libby ran over to her and wrapped her little arms around her. She laughed and hugged her daughter back. "Hey Munchkin…" she murmured, breathing in the scent of Libby's hair. Then she looked at her dress again. "You look so pretty."

Libby giggled. "You look pretty too, mommy!"

"Will you be okay down there with grandma?"

"Yes, will be okay."

"Is your daddy okay?" she asked, thinking about Mark, who was probably a nervous wreck down there at the reception room. She could only imagine what Benny, as his best man, was going through.

"Daddy looks pretty too!" informed Libby, deadly serious.

She laughed, and decided that they were so short in time, she'd have to leave the grammatical corrections for later. She kissed Libby's cheek and looked at her seriously. "I love you. You know that, don't you baby?"

Libby nodded, in seriousness that was so unlike her young age. "I know, mommy."

"Be a good girl down there, okay? You can sit with Natalie and the boys or with Scott and Ben if they're there."

"Okay."

"Okay," she smiled. She raised her head to face her mother, who was standing close to the door, as if to give them privacy. She looked as elegant as ever, the deep shade of green of her dress nearly matches the color of her eyes. She stood up and approached her. As she moved closer, she could see the dampness around her mother's eyes. "Oh mom, please don't," she laughed, feeling herself getting all teary-eyed as well. "I'll ruin my make-up and we haven't even started yet."

Her mother laughed, and carefully wiped her tears away. "Let me look at you."

"Mom, you helped me getting ready all day," she protested, but took a step back anyway. Her skirts rustled as she did. She loved the sound it made.

Her mother looked at her for a long moment, and then walked into the room. Her veil was laid against the bedspread, and her mother reached for it and carefully placed it on her head. "You look beautiful," she said as she let the veil fall softly in front of her.

"Thanks mom."

"I'll send your father up once they are ready for you."

She nodded. Suddenly she couldn't speak. Her throat felt sore, choking with tears. Her eyes met her mother's in spite of the veil, and the older woman seemed to realize. She nodded as well and reached for Libby's hand. "Come on, Darling, we need to go back now."

"Bye mommy," said Libby as they vanished through the door.

She was alone again, standing in the middle of the empty suite. Her heart was pounding so hard so could almost hear it. The last few months were flashing in front of her eyes, making her head spin. Christmas, going back to New York, bumping into Mark after too many years, Mark meeting Libby, New Year, their first kiss, the inevitable hookup, her proposal, the new job offer, her breakdown in San Francisco, moving back to New York, meeting Andy, their HIV tests and results, adopting Libby, the wedding preparations… and now this. There she was, minutes before it would all come to an end, the inevitable end. It was always meant to be, she thought. Maybe even back then when they first met that rainy night at the pub in the Village. But they were too young and inexperienced to realize it then.

Another knock came at the door, but the door was opened before she could say anything else. She looked up to see her father at the doorway, looking handsome in his new suit. He just stood there, watching her for the longest time, before he outstretched his arms and she stepped into them as he wrapped her in a tight embrace. Words were unnecessary; they always were, in her father's case.

She followed him out of the room and he locked the door behind them. Then he took her arm in his and led her down the hall towards the elevators. A chambermaid stopped to look at them as they passed by, in that same comfortable silence between them.

The last of the guests were on their way into the room where the ceremony was about to take place. Several people stopped to look at them as they stepped out of the elevator. She could hear the small band they rented, their soft, jazzy sounds mingling well with people's constant chatter and the clang of champagne glasses. God, she would have killed to down one glass right now, she thought. Then she had no choice but stop her hopeful contemplations as the chatter stopped at once. The band stopped playing, and then the music resumed. It wasn't the Wedding Marsh, but a tune of a song Roger was working on, but never had a chance to finish when his health began to decline and he eventually passed away. Mark found the music sheets later as he was packing Roger's stuff, and it was the first tune that came to his mind when she dismissed the Wedding Marsh, that carried too many memories of her first wedding.

She listened to the slow, sweet melody she came to know so well by now. It felt nice to know that Roger was there with them, through his music. She always felt as if Collins was around, after learning the truth about the day he died. She believed that he was always there, guiding her through Libby.

She looked at her father. He released her arm and took her hand in his. "It's okay," he said softly, soothingly, as if he could sense her rising panic. His eyes looked a bit damp as well. He reached out and caressed her cheek, and all she felt like doing was tearing the stupid veil off.

"Daddy?" she asked, clutching his hand in such helplessness she never imagined she could feel. "Am I doing the right thing?"

A slow smile brightened her father's face as he gave her hand a little reassuring squeeze. "Don't you think it's a bit unfair to ask me this after I've already lost 20 dollars to your mother?"

She laughed in spite of the tears that stung her eyes, and wrapped her arms around him. He seemed to be a bit surprised by her sudden movement, but soon she felt his arms tighten around her waist, holding her close. They stood there for a moment, just holding one another, and then he slowly let go.

"We'd better walk in there. We're standing out here for so long, poor Mark will think you changed your mind."

She shook her head, laughing softly. "Not a chance."

Her father raised an eyebrow, amused, and took her arm again. "Prove me wrong, then," he said, handing her her bouquet and guiding her towards the entrance. "Let's get you married."