Disclaimer: Still dreaming… they aren't mine.

A/N: Finally! Again, I'm sorry for the great big delay. Spring break was so much fun though. No matter what anyone else thinks, Disney World is great! It was also really good for me as a writer. The relaxation got rid of my mini block. As I will say until my dying day (a rhyme!), REVIEWERS YOU ALL ARE AWESOME! Thanks for your support! Okay, enough waiting… here's the next chapter!

Chapter 5: All You Wanted

She wants to go home

But nobody's home

- Nobody's Home, Avril Lavigne

The pink color of dawn crept down the hallway, casting a long shadow of the girl currently haunting the area outside her mother's room. Alette hovered in front of Raven's door, pacing back and forth as she considered the consequences of what she was about to do. She clung to the letter in her hand, one of the many that she had read, reread, and analyzed as best she could during her two day confinement in the Tower. She had attempted to approach the situation as an unbiased detective, but as the evidence became more and more convincing, she became more attached to the idea that this person, Robin, was her father. A childlike hope had consumed her. The biggest mystery of her life might be solved in these next few moments. Gathering her resolve, she raised a hand to knock on the door.

"She's not in there."

Alette jumped and turned to face the intruder, stuffing the letter into her back pocket. Nightwing was at the end of the hall looking very normal in his jeans and T-shirt. Yet his mask remained in place, hiding his eyes from the world. "Hi," Alette offered in greeting.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he said, apologizing.

"No, it's just… well, no one's really been in the Tower since I got here. I didn't expect anyone else to be here, especially this early." Raven and Alette had been by themselves for most of the two days that Alette had spent recovering from her attack. Cyborg came every day to check on her wounds and Beast Boy had come the night before to have dinner with them. Nightwing she had not seen until now, and she had yet to even speak with the orange alien, Starfire. "Do you know where she is?" Alette asked, gesturing to her mother's door.

"Main room."

"Thanks," Alette said. She brushed by Nightwing as the two took opposite paths, Alette towards the main room and Nightwing away from it. As her shoulder made gentle contact with his arm, she caught a brief fragment of his feelings and for the first time remembered her encounter with him at dinner her first night in the Tower. She found it strange that she could so easily read his emotions when his face remained a passive blank slate. A thought struck Alette, and on an impulse she stopped walking away and called to Nightwing as he turned the corner at the end of the hallway.

"You and my mom… you were friends, right?"

Nightwing turned around to face Alette, leaning against the wall for support. The film over his eyes slanted as he considered his answer. "I like to think so. Raven and I had a lot in common and she trusted me with things she never told the others."

"Was she…" Alette's eyes traveled over her surroundings, settling directly on Nightwing's masked ones. "Was she happy here?"

Nightwing smirked. "Raven liked to make us all think that being a Titan was a nuisance and a waste of her time. She pretended to be distant, but I think she had the most invested in the group. We were a family, the first she'd ever had. She loved it here… We were pretty devastated when she left. I'm sure it wasn't an easy decision."

Alette let a defeated sigh escape her lips and dropped her head as she fought the pressure of tears against her eyes. Her mother had been happy with the Titans and with Robin… and without her. Alette's brain told her she was acting like an idiot. A child did not make the decision to be created. Yet her heart ached whenever Alette added up all the things Raven gave up just so she could raise her.

Nightwing watched as Alette retreated into a world of her own, the pensive features of her face making her look even more like Raven. He knew what had led to this impromptu conversation. He and Raven had just been talking about Alette's attempts to blame herself for her mother's decision to leave the life she loved. The desire to comfort her consumed him and he crossed the length of the hallway, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

Alette looked in surprise first at the strong hand and then into Nightwing's face. His touch was oddly soothing, and she forgot that the man standing across from her was a practical stranger. She disregarded the awkwardness of the moment in order to concentrate on what he had to say.

"Maybe what I should have said was that Raven was content here. I've never seen her more happy than when she talks about you. You may think that you ruined her life, but I think what you did was make it better than it ever was before. She's very proud of you, Alette." He gave her shoulder a soft squeeze, and Alette felt warm waves of compassion flow from his psyche. Then, as if nothing had happened, he turned and retraced his steps down the hallway.

"Hey Nightwing!" Alette called to his retreating back. He stopped, but did not turn to face her. "Thanks."

He turned only slightly so that Alette could see his profile, smiling and nodding in acknowledgement. Then he walked around the corner and out of sight, leaving her alone. The letter felt heavy in Alette's pocket, and with a renewed confidence she set off to find her mother.

Alette found Raven sitting on the circular couch of the main room, quietly sipping her tea as she watched the sun rise over the water. For a moment, Alette remained in the shadows, observing her mother. Raven was a different person in these new surroundings. There was something about this place and these people that changed her mother. Normally she let her violet hair cascade down her back, the tips brushing across her shoulder blades. Now, however, Raven kept her hair swept back in a ponytail, only allowing the few short pieces in front to remain free. She was tense and on edge all the time as if she was trying desperately to keep something hidden. Alette pulled the letter out of her pocket. The time for secret keeping was over.

"Good morning, Ali," Raven said as Alette approached the couch. Her eyes never wavered from the view of the sunrise.

"Morning," Alette reciprocated, sitting down next to her mother.

"You're up early," Raven said, glancing in Alette's direction.

"I couldn't sleep," she answered honestly.

Silence permeated the air between them. Alette clutched the letter in her hand and with a final, calming breath she spoke. "So I found something interesting the other night."

Raven arched an eyebrow. "Are you going to elaborate?" she asked as she watched Alette take a sip of her tea.

Alette put the cup down and handed the letter to her mother. She watched as Raven's eyes widened in shock as she read and recognized the writing. "Where… where did you get this?" Alette was not accustomed to hearing her mother sounding so vulnerable.

"There's a whole box of them. They're in Nightwing's room."

"Alette!"

Alette recognized the motherly scorn in Raven's voice. "I wasn't looking for them. They fell on me. I recognized your handwriting and that's when curiosity set in." Alette paused, studying her mother's face. "So… this guy, Robin… is he…?"

"Alette, stop!"

Alette was cut off by her mother's voice and the emotion in it was enough to stun her into silence. Raven placed the letter on the table beside the forgotten cup of tea. She closed her eyes and Alette heard her mutter three calming words before continuing. "I don't want you to ask this question." Her confession was made in a defeated voice, and Alette saw for the first time what her mother looked like with no defenses up.

Alette attempted to explain herself to her mother. "I guess… I just found these letters and… this place," her arms gestured to the Tower and out toward Jump City. However Alette's real reason had nothing to do with the city and everything to do with herself. "I've been thinking about him a lot lately."

"Have you ever considered the idea that I'm not telling you about him for a reason?"

Alette released a sad chuckle. "Mom, I'm eighteen. This isn't the four year old you used to trick by evading the question with a 'He is a good man' or a 'He loves you' response. I can handle the truth, no matter how bad it might be. Plus, you're kind of on the secret revealing road now. Your clandestine past as a superhero, while interesting, really doesn't matter. It's in the past. But if I could see him… just once…" Alette stumbled as her emotions, usually so controlled, got the best of her. "Mom, it's too obvious to overlook. You were in love with Robin up until about nine months before I was born, which was the same time you left the Titans. Is he my father?"

"Alright, Alette," Raven started, "You want the truth?" Alette found her mother's calm voice unnerving. "I loved Robin with all my heart. He was my best friend and he taught me so much. He changed my life." Raven rested a hand on Alette's shoulder, much liked Nightwing had done earlier. "But he's gone, Alette. He doesn't exist anymore."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you won't be able to find him, no matter how hard you look. I left, and Robin changed because of it. Now we… we can't be in his life anymore."

"Mom please," Alette begged, "tell me where I can find him. I just want to see him once."

Raven shook her head, resolute in her decision. "He has moved on, as did I. I won't have you getting your heart broken when you see him with a family that isn't yours."

Alette stood up as the silence and solitude of Nightwing's room beckoned. A tear slipped down her cheek and as she brushed it away she looked down at Raven. "Thanks for telling me, Mom," she said through a choked sob. "I… I'll be in my room, ok?" She stepped quickly away from the couch, practically running for the seclusion her borrowed room would offer. Raven had played a trick on her; she had revealed her father's identity, but not his whereabouts. Alette found herself wishing that she had never asked about Robin.

In her distress, Alette failed to notice Raven's own sadness. She had told her daughter the absolute truth while at the same time facing it for the first time. In a part of her mind where she rarely wandered, Raven had clung to the hope that somehow one day she and Robin would be together again. Being at the Tower and seeing Nightwing with Starfire had been a metaphorical equivalent to being awakened by a blast of cold water. The sun was now shining fully into the main room, but it skipped over Raven, leaving her alone in the darkness.


"Something on your mind, kid?"

Cyborg paused in his unwrapping of Alette's head wound to look down at the girl. She had not spoken a word since he'd come to check up on her recovery, and though she was not the most talkative person in the world, she usually managed to carry light conversations with her caretaker. His question seemed to jolt Alette out of some sort of trance, and she looked up at him apologetically.

"What makes you think that?"

Cyborg smirked. Having received her attention he went back to removing the white gauze from Alette's head as he spoke. "You're not talking, you're looking off into space, and you're eyes are a lovely shade of red which probably means you've been crying. Didn't your mom tell you, I'm an expert at reading people?"

Alette offered him a weak smile. She'd spent all morning locked in her room cycling through periods of sorrow in which she cried nonstop and fits of anger during which she'd managed to topple the bookshelf and break the light bulbs of every lamp in the room. She knew the depression was probably more dramatic than necessary, but she had decided to allow herself one day of no control. Tomorrow she'd be the Alette who did not care who her father was and be strong without that piece of information. Today she'd be the kid who grew up without a father because he had his own family that did not include her and her mother.

"You can talk to me, Alette. I know that we don't… What happened to the gashes in your head!" Cyborg's tender monologue was cut short by his discovery of a wound-free Alette. The finding seemed to lighten Alette's mood a little. She chuckled slightly and moved to feel around her head.

As she made her own examination, she explained to Cyborg. "I've been working on them since I first got here. My healing powers aren't nearly as strong as my mother's, so it takes me longer. I appreciate all the care I've gotten from you, because if I had been left to my own devices I might have been infected and that would have made everything so much worse."

"Right," Cyborg said, tossing aside the fresh gauze he'd prepared for Alette's head. "So what about your hand?" He motioned to Alette's still bandaged right palm.

"Sometimes a scar can be the motivation behind everything you do," Alette answered cryptically as she unwrapped her hand to reveal a still-healing wound. "If I had healed it there would be no scar."

Cyborg nodded in understanding, setting to work cleaning and dressing the wound. As he worked, he returned to the original topic of conversation. "Listen, Alette. I know we don't know each other very well, but I want you to know that you can trust me. You don't ever have to feel alone."

Alette considered his words for a moment. Perhaps it would be good to talk about everything with someone who wasn't emotionally involved, someone who wasn't her mother. "My mom told me about Robin today."

Cyborg's hand paused in mid air and he looked up at Alette briefly before returning to cleaning the cuts. "What exactly did she tell you?"

"That he is my father."

"Anything else?"

Alette bit her lip. She continued reluctantly, ordering herself to remain calm and not get upset. "She told me she wouldn't tell me where I could find him because he's moved on and wouldn't want to see me."

"But you still want to see him," Cyborg concluded as he began to put fresh bandages on Alette's hand.

Alette sighed. "She knows the guy a lot better than me, so I should listen to her. But yeah, it would be nice to meet him."

Cyborg finished bandaging the cuts and sat down next to Alette on the infirmary bed. "Listen, Ali, your mom's only trying to do what's best for you."

"I know."

Cyborg looked around the room for a minute, trying to think of something to distract Alette. "I know! We never did get to have that dinner the other night. Let's do it tonight!"

Alette shook her head in disagreement. "No, Cyborg. I wouldn't want to impose."

"Impose? Alette, even though we're a team the Titans hardly see each other anymore. It's been great having an excuse to be in the Tower. Trust me, you and your mom coming back to Jump City could be the best thing that's happened to us in a really long time." Cyborg smiled down at Alette as he stood up. "So how does seven sound?"

Alette sighed in mock defeat. "Alright, I guess I'll have to give in. Seven sounds great."

"Good. I'll go make sure everyone knows to be here."

Alette watched Cyborg leave the infirmary and after flexing her hand a couple of times to test the bandages, she left too. She did not return to the loneliness of her room, however. After about fifteen minutes of searching, she managed to find the gym. Careful not to rupture the still healing cuts in her hand, she began a rigorous work out on the hanging punching bag in the corner. If she was going to be angry, she might as well focus that energy into something productive.


The beeping and sputtering of the Game Station was enough to tune Beast Boy and Alette out from the conversations going on in the background. The changeling had challenged her to a pre-dinner face off in order to avenge his ten consecutive defeats from the night before. Tonight, though, Alette's heart was not in the game. She had managed to crash her car in every race, giving Beast Boy an easy victory.

"Dude, is everything okay Ali?"

Alette cringed. How had she acquired such hatred for a simple phrase like 'Are you okay?' in so little time? She made a mental note to work on her stoicism before answering Beast Boy. "I just have a lot on my mind is all."

Beast Boy glanced at her, temporarily distracted from the video game. "Like what?"

Two solid hours of punching a bag and a hot shower afterward had convinced Alette that if she wasn't going to be allowed to meet Robin, she might as well find out as much about him as possible from unsuspecting sources. Her mother and Cyborg could not be counted on to be reliable informants, and she had a feeling that Nightwing would be on her mother's side as well. That left Beast Boy and Starfire, and seeing as how she had not even spoken a word to the alien, she was left with the green changeling sitting next to her. There was no time like the present to start her investigation. As they started another round of racing, Alette began to question Beast Boy.

"Hey Beast Boy?"

"Yeah?" He was distracted by the game, which meant he would be off guard.

"Did you know Robin?"

Beast Boy chuckled, his attention still on the cars whizzing by on the television screen. "Robin? Man, Nightwing hasn't used that name in years."

Alette froze. "What?" Her car again crashed. She held the controller tight in her hands.

"Oh, you didn't know," Beast Boy said as he turned to look at Alette. His eyes widened as he saw her pale face drained of the little color it usually had. Her purple eyes seemed like they might release sparks of electricity at any moment. "What's wrong?"

"Robin and Nightwing are the same person?" Alette questioned through gritted teeth.

"Uh, yeah," Beast Boy confirmed, feeling as though he might have said something he shouldn't have.

Thin lines of black energy traveled down the controller through the cable and ended at the console, which proceeded to explode in a puff of black smoke. Alette got up from the couch, muttering 'Sorry' to Beast Boy as she made her way to the back of the room where the others were preparing for dinner. She stopped short, looking at the two figures setting the table.

There they were. For the first time in her life, she was looking at both of her parents. She watched them carefully. They were moving in such a way that they were always as far away from each other as possible. Taking a moment to examine Nightwing not as some stranger, but as her father, Alette realized that her hair was his shade of jet black. He quirked his face into a smirk at something Cyborg had said and she recognized it as her own cocky grin.

The table began to shake, and Alette stumbled over Azarath Metrion Zinthos as she tried to regain control over her emotions. Raven noticed her daughter's struggle and ran to her placing a comforting hand on her back. "Alette, is everything alright?"

Oh, how she hated that question.

"No, everything is not alright," Alette screamed, saying the last word as if were poison in her mouth. She was talking to her mother now, forgetting Beast Boy and his video games, Cyborg's dinner, her father's wife, his child, him. She cared about nothing at that point. "He's been right in front of me this entire time and you've acted like he lived on the other side of the world! All I asked of you was the truth, and you still lied to me! How could you?" Black waves of power drifted through the air as Alette flung her arms around in rage.

"Alette, I…" Raven grasped Alette's wrists stemming the uncontrolled energy with her own powers. "I didn't…"

"Want me to get hurt?" Alette finished, still screaming. "I appreciate the effort, but you're pretty lousy in that department. Next time you feel the urge to protect me, don't!"

Alette turned on her heels and stormed out of the room. She paused at the entrance to the hallway long enough to look across the room at Cyborg and say "I'm sorry I keep ruining your dinners."

The attention in the room turned to Beast Boy, who had been the last person to see Alette in a calm, rational state of mind. "Heh," he chuckled uneasily.

"What did you say to her," Raven growled, already knowing his answer.

"Just that," Beast Boy gulped, "that Robin and Nightwing are the same people."

"I thought so," Raven said, hanging her head in defeat. She looked around the room at the stunned faces of her former teammates, eyes lingering on Nightwing's. "I think Alette and I have overstayed our welcome. If she's not already gone, she will be by morning… as will I." Before anyone could stop her, Raven enveloped herself in blackness and disappeared from the room.


Rain drops clung to Raven's face, blending in with her tears. Her purple hair was blackened by the water and stuck to her neck and shoulders. The roof had always been a sanctuary for her. It was a place to meditate, a place to reflect, and the one place where she could feel calm, no matter what the situation. Now, she sought its healing powers once more as she tried to figure out how she had managed to get herself into so much trouble with her daughter, and how she was going to fix what she had broken.

"You're so predictable."

Raven looked over at her guest. The rain quickly went to work on his hair and ran down the film of his mask. "Am I?" she said, trying to hide her cracked voice.

"I could always find you on the roof."

Raven chuckled sadly. "I told her Robin had moved on and that it would be better to forget him."

"Do you know why I changed my identity, Raven?"

Raven shook her head. "Big boys don't wear green spandex and a cape?" she guessed.

"No," Nightwing said in that voice he always used to indicate he disapproved of her sarcasm. "Robin married Starfire, but he was still in love with you." He raised a hand to caress her cheek. "It was an attempt to start over, but even that didn't work. My name, Nightwing, it became a lasting tribute to you, though I'm the only one who knows it. Raven, I love you."

Raven took his hand from her cheek, holding it in her own. "You can't love me. You're married, you have a child…"

"Two children," he corrected.

"Yes, but Alette is grown. She doesn't need you as much as Tamara. Imagine how devastated she would be if you left. I won't let you do something on an impulse that you'll regret later."

"How's Alette?" he asked, changing the subject. He held tightly to her hand, not allowing her to take it from his grasp.

Raven shook her head. "She won't talk to me. She's in the Tower, though. She hasn't left."

"But you will?"

"I have to. Look at the mess I've made in the little time that I've been back!"

"We'll fix things. I'll talk to Alette. Everything will be fine."

A fresh wave of tears began to flow from Raven's purple orbs. "No, everything will not be fine! You and I moved on! You have a family, I have a family… We're different people than we were back then!"

"Are we really?" Nightwing brought both his hands to Raven's face, cupping her chin and smoothing back stray strands of wet hair. "No matter how hard I try to move on, I keep coming back to you." He moved close to Raven and before she knew what was happening he had captured her lips in a tentative kiss. How nice his lips felt against hers. She had longed for this for eighteen years…

"No," she mumbled, pulling away. "We can't."

"Raven, please. If we can't have the rest of our lives, just give me tonight." He kissed her again, this time being so bold as to push his tongue against her lips. Raven gave in to temptation, allowing her lips to part and kissing Nightwing back. His hands traveled from her face to her hips, pulling her closer. She circled her arms around his neck attempting to do the same. Not even the rain could find space to trickle between the two bodies.

Both collapsed to their knees, never stopping for breath. They burned with a fire they had not felt for almost twenty years. No matter what was to come tomorrow or the next day, they would allow themselves this night. Not even the pounding rain could get in their way.

I cannot ignore it

I keep giving in

But I should know better

'Cause there was something

'Bout the way you looked at me

And it's strange that things change

But not me wanting you

So desperately

- Desperately, Michelle Branch


A/N: So how was it? I have to admit, I'm a hopeless romantic, but I'm not very familiar with writing romantic scenes… so it might have been a little awkward and I'm sorry for that. Anyway, hopefully you'll hear from me sooner than you have been. Thanks in advance for reviews!

Ashlyn