Disclaimer: This is the worst part… they don't belong to me.
A/N: Okay, I tried to do better on time. It's only been a week. I felt absolutely horrible for making people wait for the last couple of updates. As a note, whenever Nightwing is being normal I'm going to refer to him as Richard. Confusing, I know, but that's who he is without the mask. So I actually don't have a lot to say right now… more at the end. Enjoy Chapter 6!
Chapter 6: Absence of Fear
Don't walk too close
Don't breathe so soft
Don't talk so sweet
Don't sing
Don't lay oh so near
Please,
Don't let me fall in love with you again.
- Don't, Jewel
She had told him to stop, not because she wanted him to, but because he had to.
"I did not come here to break up a marriage, Starfire."
And she had stopped as well, because she had made a promise.
Damn her being the rational one.
Now Raven sat in the darkness of her room, cold and alone, while he was lying in bed with Starfire. Raven's only consolation was that even in the comfort of his own home Nightwing, too, was cold and alone. What a pair they were.
She slipped under her covers, overly aware of the fine silk as it caressed her arms. Nightwing had awoken nerve endings she thought had long been dead. It was as if in order to capture the full pleasure of having his hands on her skin again, her body went into overdrive and now it was anticipating the next time it would feel those touches.
There won't be a next time, Raven told herself. Starfire, Raven had observed, was not the same naïve alien she had left behind. They had been reckless, and if they were ever caught… Raven did not want to think of the repercussions.
Raven tossed and turned in her bed, unable to stay still. Adrenaline continued to rush through her veins, preventing her from falling asleep… preventing her from making that night a memory as distant as all the others. Her fingertips caressed her slightly swollen lips as she remembered with excruciating detail each one of his kisses. She remembered the longing and the satisfaction each had conveyed. How nice it had been to feel wanted again.
"I love you, Raven."
Those had been his parting words and Raven both treasured and despised them. After everything that had happened between them, Nightwing was still in love with her. Of course she couldn't help but think that his words, no matter how full of meaning they had been, were more of a curse for both of them. Nightwing's love for Raven prevented him from enjoying and cherishing the perfectly acceptable life he had created for himself. As for Raven, hearing those words caused her to summon up thousands of fantastical ways in which she and Nightwing could be together forever. They might be fun to think about, but the reality of the situation was much stronger than any fantasy she could conjure.
Raven was distracted from her musings as she felt a cold shiver travel up and down her spine and a cool breeze brush past her heart. She sat up in bed, looking nervously around the room for the source of such a feeling. Looking out the window, she saw exactly what had made her feel so awful. Silhouetted by the city lights, a lone figure was hovering outside the tower as if wanting to capture it in her memory forever. Raven was not shocked to see Alette outside, turning away from the building and flying to the city. Had she not predicted that Alette would leave the Tower? Raven could feel her daughter's sadness, but also her strength. Alette's resolve echoed in Raven's head… It would be better for me this way. It would be better for everyone.
Raven recognized the declaration as one she commonly found herself using. She had always done things that she thought would be better for everyone else. She had neglected herself, thinking that she was unworthy of the pleasure of living. Now Alette was, undoubtedly, having those same feelings. Her mother had lied to her and her father belonged to someone else. Suddenly Raven felt very ashamed of her rendezvous with Nightwing. Instead of acting like a lovesick teenager, she should have been with her daughter. She should have been telling her that everything would work out in the end, no matter how much Alette did not want to listen. Alette was all she had in the world, and she had ignored her when she needed her mother the most.
Raven watched her daughter fly away until she had disappeared into the heart of the city. Reality had sobered Raven, and her body felt very tired. Rolling over in bed and closing her eyes, Raven made a promise to Alette that she would make things better. She would not be the source of pain for her daughter any more. "I promise," she whispered into her dark bedroom.
Alette slouched back in her chair waiting for class to start. Her eyelids drooped, heavy from her lack of sleep. She took a sip from the giant cup of coffee sitting on the table in front of her, desperately hoping that the caffeine would be enough to keep her awake. She couldn't afford to fall asleep in this class again. She'd already made a bad first impression on her psychology professor, sleeping through his first class and missing his second. She would not allow herself to be made a fool of… again.
Because she had been made a fool of once… and by her own mother. It was not a fun position to be in.
"He has moved on, as did I. I won't have you getting your heart broken when you see him with a family that isn't yours."
All this time Raven had let her believe that her father was waiting for her to come to him. Her descriptions of her father had been romantic and idealized, but Alette had lived on them. Now she was faced with cruel, harsh truth. Nightwing did not need Alette, a practical grown-up who was ready to leave her parents' grasp. He had a child of his own. One he had raised since she had been born. So the little half-alien got all of Alette's father, leaving her with nothing.
"I'm not jealous," she whispered aloud, hoping that saying it would add truth to the statement. It didn't help. Now Alette added shame to her list of feelings. She was envious of an unsuspecting eight-year-old who had done absolutely nothing but love her father.
The door creaked open and the class grew silent as their teacher walked into the room. "Good morning, class," Professor Grayson said, placing his bag on the floor next to his desk. "I hope everyone had a good weekend."
Alette sat up, banishing thoughts of daughters and fathers, mothers and daughters. The least she could do was appear to be an attentive student, even if her thoughts were on her soap opera-like life. "Miss Davenport." Alette looked up at the professor in acknowledgement of her name. "It's good to see you've decided to join us today."
"I'm sorry, Professor," Alette offered, "I…" Alette faltered. Strangely enough, Professor Grayson's hair was the same color and length as Nightwing's. "I had some…" Alette was still distracted. She thought back to the sound of Nightwing's voice and compared it to the professor's. How eerily alike they were. "… some family…" Alette dared to reach out to her professor with her powers. What was in his head? Was it the same as Nightwing's? Professor Grayson was guarded, afraid that she was discovering a secret she wasn't supposed to know. But what did he have to hide? "It was…" Alette tried desperately to let the matter go and concentrate on her response. She was sure she sounded like an idiot, stumbling over her answer. She reached deep into his mind, only to find it guarded by a black bird with the strangest pair of eyes…
They were masked.
"I had a family emergency," she said finally. Her voice was biting, accusing. Not only were Robin and Nightwing the same people, but Richard Grayson was the man behind both of them. And he also happened to be her psychology professor.
Had she mentioned that her life was like a soap opera?
Professor Grayson looked at Alette, his eyes trying to convey his understanding, his… was that pity? Alette wanted to scream, but instead she just gave her professor an icy stare, silently telling him she could care less if the man at the front of her class was her newly discovered father. Life is just sometimes funny like that. He quickly looked away, turning his attention to the class. They all pulled out their books and their computers, seemingly eager to learn. Alette followed suite, though she paid little attention to the lesson as he started lecturing. She had left the tower to escape her mother and everything her mother lied about and here was the biggest lie of them all, teaching her about the way the human being thinks. As if I really need to be taught about the human mind. I'm going to pull out of this class as soon as it dismisses. Alette detected the irrational bitterness in her thoughts, but she didn't care.
As a reward for her lack of control, the chalk in Professor Grayson's hand turned black for a split second before exploding into a powdery dust which proceeded to land on his pants. Utter silence overtook the room before whispers about a haunted classroom began to travel from student to student. Alette only stared at Professor Grayson, not showing her own disapproval of her slip. There, she thought, that's what I think of you and her and… everyone!
The professor, on his part, retrieved another piece of chalk from his desk. His dark green gaze rested on Alette for the briefest of seconds before returning to the chalk board and his lesson. Calm down he had been saying with that look.
Alette did not want to calm down, but what choice did she have at the moment? So she sat in stoic silence, letting her anger boil inside, not even bothering to pay attention anymore. Not paying attention, that is, until an aide walked in and whispered a message into Professor Grayson's ear. Slowly he turned to the class, expertly putting on a mask of indifference. But not before Alette saw worry flicker across his eyes.
"Class, I'm afraid I have to leave. Mr. Brown," he gestured to the man who had delivered the message, "is a teacher's aide in the psychology department and he'll finish today's lesson." Alette saw him glance her way as he haphazardly threw things into his bag. Find a way to get out to the faculty parking lot. Fast. Alette was surprised to hear his voice in her head like that. She thought it had been something only her mother could do. Alette nodded to indicate she'd received the message and as he left the room, she began to think of things that would get her out of class.
The teacher, Mr. Brown, was obviously new at the 'being in front of the class' thing and he stammered as he picked the lesson up where Professor Grayson had left off. Alette looked down at her bandaged hand. Slowly she unraveled the white gauze. The wound was scabbed and relatively fresh. Ignoring her body's protests, Alette began to pull and poke and prod until she got it bleeding again. She interrupted Mr. Brown in the middle of one of his stutters.
"Excuse me, Mr. Brown. I think I need to go to the campus nurse. I have this cut on my hand," she held it up for a short second before hiding it under the desk, "and it's reopened. It's bleeding pretty badly." Alette couldn't help but grin as Mr. Brown's face paled considerably. Apparently, he wasn't a fan of blood.
"Y-Yes," he said, "I think you should go."
Alette collected her things and left the class. As soon as she was out of the psychology building she sprinted to the faculty parking lot. She could feel a bruise forming on her leg where her bag was hitting against it and her hand throbbed from being reopened. She ignored these things, her mind running through all the possible things that could have happened that needed both her and Nightwing's attention. She reached the faculty parking lot and set her eyes on Professor Grayson, waiting for her on his motorcycle. She trotted over to him, breathing heavily from her run.
"What's going on?" she asked between breaths.
"I'm not sure," his eyebrows furrowed in concern. "I got a call from Cyborg saying to get to the tower as fast as I could. And to make sure you came too." His gaze traveled to her bleeding hand. "Took things a little extremely, didn't you?"
Alette shrugged. "It had to be something where he wouldn't expect me to come back."
Nightwing took a quiet second to admire Alette's attention to detail. "Well, let's go," Alette said, reminding him of the more pressing matter at hand. She climbed onto the back of his motorcycle, taking the helmet he handed her.
"Hold on," he warned. He revved the engine and sped off to the Tower that loomed protectively over the city.
"What's wrong?" demanded Richard as he stormed into the main room of the Tower. Alette followed closely behind him, searching the room for Raven. She knew she was supposed to be angry with her mother, but she was standing in a room of almost strangers and it would be nice to see a familiar face.
"Listen man," Cyborg began calmly. He was standing next to the large television screen, his eyes downcast. "Something's happened, and…"
"Those people have got Tamara!" The dejected cry came from Starfire who was slumped in a chair. Her eyes were puffy and a fresh wave of tears began to flow from her green eyes.
"What?" Nightwing asked in a disbelieving whisper. He moved to Starfire, crouched in front of her and took her hands in his own. "Who has Tamara?"
"Those… those evil people who came here with Raven," Starfire choked out.
Alette gasped, though no one seemed to notice. Why would Trigon's cult want Tamara? She was nothing to him. This was an unexpected turn in the situation. Trigon was a fight that belonged to Raven and Alette, not Tamara.
"Have you started a search?" Richard asked, moving toward the computer. His voice shook. Alette sensed that he was trying to stay strong, but the tremble of his hands as he began punching the keys on the computer gave him away. "Cyborg can you scan the city for her bio-signal? How many of them are there? Can we…" He was silenced by Cyborg's heavy hand on his shoulder.
"There's no need." Cyborg's voice was ominous, and Alette felt a sudden cold surrounding her, as if someone had left the window open and an icy breeze was blowing through.
"What do you mean there's no need!" Richard spat. He pulled away from Cyborg, looking at him as if he was the enemy. "They have my daughter!"
"Dude, they're not interested in a fight," Beast Boy said from his position on the couch. He talked barely above a whisper, as if someone had just died.
"What are they interested in, then?"
"A trade." The calm, monotone voice echoed through the room. Raven appeared from a side corridor, fastening a blue floor-length cloak over her shoulders.
"What kind of trade?" Richard's question was directed at Raven. His voice, Alette noticed, was different from the accusing one he had used toward Cyborg and Beast Boy. It was quieter and she thought she detected a hint of fear hidden in the phrase. Not the fear a father had for his daughter, the fear a man had when the woman he loved was in danger.
Alette didn't need to hear her mother's answer. She didn't want to hear her mother's answer. These were people working for Trigon. They would only be interested in trading for one thing… one person.
"Me," Raven said quietly as she pulled the hood of her cloak up, her face disappearing in its darkness.
"What do you mean 'you'?" Richard asked. He was no longer trying to hide the fear in his voice.
"Cyborg, show him the message," Raven commanded.
Cyborg hit the 'play' button, and a familiar face graced the screen in front of them. "Keahi," Alette hissed. She instinctively grasped her hand, feeling the caked blood on her palm.
"Hello, friends of Raven," Keahi's voice had an amused tone to it. "Very bold of you, to associate yourself with such a dangerous creature. But this really isn't for any of you. Raven," somehow, even though it was a recording, Keahi seemed to lock his eyes on Raven, "Trigon grows impatient. In fact, you have forced him to take drastic measures. As you must already know, I have the little alien child in my possession. Poor innocent soul, dragged into this and she hasn't even known you for a week. How easily everything around you is exposed to death."
Alette growled and clenched her fists. He was trying to make Raven feel guilty, and from the look in her mother's eyes, he had succeeded.
"So I'll make a deal with you. Meet me in the fields on the far end of the city at noon. You come willingly with me and I won't touch a hair on the girl's head. Fail to show up," a ball of fire formed in Keahi's hand, "Well, do I really need to elaborate? Come alone…" he seemed to think about that last condition before revising his statement, "On second thought, bring Alette." Again, though Keahi's message was taped, his gaze glanced over to where Alette stood, rooted to the spot. "I so wish to see her again. And I suppose someone will have to be responsible for getting the child back to her oh-so-worried parents." Keahi released a satisfied sigh. "Ironic, isn't it Raven? We always thought the easiest way to get to you would be Alette. But, you see, your daughter is strong too. You've done a wonderful job with her. So what to do then? Ah," he held up a finger in imitation of having a brilliant idea suddenly come to him, "Take the defenseless child of the man you love. We know you well, Raven. You will come… because you know that she belongs with him and you don't. Listen to me rambling," Keahi laughed, "we'll have plenty of time to talk later when we are both serving Trigon."
The screen went black, but Keahi's cruel grin seemed to linger.
"No!" Alette cried suddenly. She ran to her mother, taking her by the shoulders. "Mom, there has to be another way! You can't leave me!" Alette looked desperately into the depths of her mother's hood, searching for signs of hope.
Raven placed her own hands on top of Alette's, removing them from her shoulders and holding them tightly. "Alette, you can't do this right now. I need you to be strong."
Alette shook her head in despair. "I'm not ready for you to go."
The other members of the Titans watched the pitiful scene in awe of Raven. She had always been the strong one, ready to do what was needed to be done. Now, watching her comfort her daughter when her own life was seemingly on the line, they realized just how much they had each treasured that strength.
"Ali, I need you to come with me," Raven said in the same voice she used to tell Alette to wash the dishes after dinner. "I need you to do this for me."
Alette felt oddly proud of her mother's determination. She swallowed and collected her emotions. "Okay," she said, her voice very similar to Raven's eerie monotone.
"Good," Raven said, offering Alette a small smile. "Let's go." Raven moved to walk out of the room.
"Rae, we…" Beast Boy's unfinished sentence hung heavily in the air.
Raven turned around, scanning over the eyes of her former teammates… her friends. "I didn't want you to be a part of this," she began. "Alette has been preparing for this kind of situation since she could talk. You all have not. So don't think there is anything you can do to help." Though her cloak hid her face, the Titans were sure Raven was smiling at them. "It was nice seeing everyone again."
The room was silent as Raven walked out, Alette following closely behind her mother. As they made their way up to the roof, Alette found her mother's hand and took it in her own. Had it just been this morning when she'd sworn to herself that she would never talk to Raven again?
It was funny how the threat of never seeing your mother again would suddenly make you want to hold on to her forever.
They reached the roof, wincing as cold wind bit their faces. Alette released her mother's hand and they prepared to take off, bending their knees so as to propel themselves into the endless sky. As their knees straightened in unison, feet hovering off of the concrete ground, a door banged behind them and a man cried, "Raven, wait!"
Alette and Raven touched down, both turning to meet the face of Richard Grayson. Alette stayed back, watching as her mother moved closer to him.
"There has to be another way," he began. "You shouldn't have to… I mean, she's my daughter and I just…"
"Richard," his name fell from her lips in such an eloquent way that he stopped talking immediately. "You know there isn't another way. I've been running from Trigon my entire life. Maybe I've just run out of time."
Alette was surprised by her mother's desolate declaration. She had always seen Raven as the pillar of determination. To hear her giving up was unsettling. Alette struggled to hold back her tears. Richard, too, seemed uncomfortable with Raven's defeated voice. He looked at her, his eyes begging her to tell him that everything would be fine.
"I will make sure Tamara comes back safe," Raven told him.
Richard pulled Raven into a hug that said more than his words would ever be able to. She returned the gesture, holding tightly to his neck. Alette watched on, realizing for the first time how much her parents meant to each other. She hated Fate for being so cruel to them.
"I need you to take care of Alette for me," Raven whispered into Richard's ear so that her daughter could not hear her. "Please."
"Of course," he whispered back. "But I won't have to for long. Because you have a plan, right?"
Raven pulled out of his arms, shaking her head. "I'm not making any promises," she told him sadly.
"Raven?" Richard asked, uncertainty in his voice. "This isn't good-bye. It can't be."
Raven took to the sky, hovering above Richard's head. "I love you," she told him, leaving him only with a forlorn smile as she flew off with Alette.
Alette had expected an army, but when she and her mother landed in the grassy fields just outside the city, they faced only one man.
"Keahi," Alette spat, her fists clenching so hard that her fingernails threatened to draw blood from her palms.
He smirked. "So you've learned my name, finally."
"No, I just know that James would never use an innocent child to fight his fights for him. He was better than that."
"James was weak. He would not even fight."
"Quiet, both of you," Raven ordered in a commanding tone. "Where is she?" she asked, turning to Keahi.
"Eager to see your father again, Raven?" Keahi was having fun, and Alette hated seeing it. For once the two women were completely at his mercy, and he was going to take full advantage of the situation.
"No," Raven deadpanned. "I am eager to return a child to her parents. Where is she?" Raven asked again, her voice a low growl. Her eyes turned a blinding white and her fists were encased by black power. She was obviously more than willing to fight.
"Okay," Keahi said, looking only slightly worried, "I get the point." He stepped aside, his cloak revealing a motionless, redheaded child.
"Keahi, what have you done to her?" Alette asked, moving closer.
"I don't think so," Keahi said, pulling Alette away from the girl. "You don't touch her until I've left with your mother. If you do, she'll be ashes in less than two seconds."
Alette glared at Keahi, squirming in his grasp. "You won't get away with this," she said menacingly.
"And who is going to stop me?" he asked laughing. "You?"
"Damn right, me," Alette said, preparing to lunge at Keahi's throat.
"Alette!" Raven called to her daughter. "Stop this!" Alette's fist froze in mid-air as she glared icily at Keahi. He released her arm, roughly pushing her away. Alette defiantly spat on the ground in front of Keahi's feet before obediently returning to Raven's side.
Raven enveloped her daughter in a comforting hug, surprising Alette. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened this week," she told her daughter.
Alette clung desperately to Raven's neck, much like her mother had clung to Richard's. She didn't want to let her mother go. Alette buried her head in Raven's neck in an attempt to hide her tears. Why was her mother not crying? How could she be so strong? "I can't fight them without you, Mom."
Raven ran a soothing hand through Alette's hair. "I trust you. I know you'll do exactly what needs to be done," Horrible images of her mother dying flashed though Alette's head, causing her to cling even closer to Raven. "And if you need me," Raven continued, "I'll never be far from reach," she said this last part as she placed a hand on each side of Alette's head.
"Well, Ali, it's been great," Keahi's cold voice broke through their tender moment, "but we must be going." He took Raven's arm and pulled her away. "And remember, don't touch the girl until we're gone."
Alette had to smile as she watched her mother pull away from Keahi, walking next to him with her head held high. When they were a good distance away, the pair stopped and turned around to face Alette. Fire encircled Keahi and her mother and for a second Alette had the wild inclination to jump in and pull her mother back. She looked over at the limp form of Tamara and decided against it. Raven would disapprove of such irrational action. Soon a fiery dome had formed, concealing Raven from Alette's view. From somewhere in its depths she heard her mother's voice.
"I love you, Alette."
And then the fire was gone, as was her mother.
"I love you too," Alette whispered into the empty field. She had the sick, unwanted feeling that she was never going to see Raven again.
Reminding herself of her purpose for coming, Alette moved to Tamara, cradling her slight form in her arms. She looked around at the grass as it twisted and turned at the wind's commands. The world was still turning and life was still moving on, and Alette hated knowing that.
Though the child in her arms was light, Alette did not trust herself to have the energy to fly back to the tower with the added weight. She had done no fighting, yet she felt exhausted. Taking one final look around at the yellowing grass, Alette encased herbody in black energy and flew off in the form of a dark bird, casting shadows on everything she passed over.
"Tamara!"
Starfire's relieved cry pierced the silence that had permeated the room since Raven's departure. Starfire ran over to where Alette had materialized in the center of the room. She was followed closely behind by Nightwing, who had changed into full uniform. Alette handed the child over to her mother, glad to be rid of the burden. The girl she had been jealous of that morning was the reason her mother was no longer with her. She couldn't help but feel some hostility towards her.
"Why does she not move?" Starfire asked of Alette. Alette, lost in her own world of despair, only shrugged her shoulders. "Did you not hear me?" Starfire pressed. "I asked why she is not moving. Did you cause her to get hurt?"
The glass of the windows cracked, leaving an unpleasant pattern that resembled a spider's web. Nightwing placed a hand on Starfire's shoulder, silently telling her to leave Alette alone. He looked worriedly at the dejected face of his other daughter.
"We found her like that." Alette whispered. She didnot feeling like talking to anyone.
Starfire clung to the child in her arms. She ushered Cyborg towards the infirmary, eager to see him fix her daughter. Nightwing moved to follow his worried wife, lingering in the door frame of the hallway. He turned to Alette, and she saw on his face the same emotions she was feeling. Now that Tamara was safe, Nightwing was allowed to beAlette's partner in all of this. What would they do without Raven? What was going to happen to the person who had loved them so dearly?
Looking into Alette's familiar eyes suddenly became too hard for Nightwing. He turned away from her and ran down the hall to the infirmary. Raven's words played in Alette's head once more as she watched him go.
He has his own family now.
Alette was suddenly aware of the air around her as she began to breathe harder and faster. The walls began to spin and she could only watch as her world came crashing down around her. Raven was gone, and Alette had no one anymore. Her beaten frame collapsed onto the floor, eyes filling with tears she could no longer fight. She rocked back and forth, offering herself empty comfort that could not replace the soothing words of her mother.
Alette was surprised, but grateful, when she felt a warm arm wrap around her shoulders and pull her close. She allowed her head to fall onto Beast Boy's chest, continuing to sob.
"So kid," Beat Boy began, his voice equally as sad as Alette imagined hers would be had she the strength to talk. But it also contained a note of hope, characteristic of the normally happy changeling. Alette's sobbing paused as she looked up at Beast Boy's earnest face. "How are we going to save your mother?"
At first Alette wanted to cry even harder when she heard his question. She was powerless and incapable of doing anything that might be useful in saving Raven. But then she heard a calm, loving voice in her head.
I trust you.
"Beast Boy," Alette said, her voice raw from crying. She wiped stray tears off of her face. "I need to go do some reading."
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello
I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday
- Hello, Evanescence
A/N: So I've finally gotten some actual plot line in! A lot of reviewers seem to be concerned about the ending… I won't give anything away, but what needs to happen will happen. Sorry to be so cryptic. Thanks in advance for any reviews and I'll try to post sometime within the next week!
Ashlyn
