Chap14 To the roots
Try not to die of shock but here I am updating again, nice and quickly for a change. Thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming.
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"You…you what?" his mother spluttered. She couldn't believe she was hearing this.
"You heard what I said," he said seriously. He had finally voiced it and he wasn't going to back out of it or start denying it. Jason knew Sands had very few people who loved or even cared about him. He would be God damned if he went back on that now. If he did he would be just like the many people he'd cursed for their lack of love or care towards Sands.
"You don't mean that you don't even know what you are talking about. Boys your age do not even know what love is never mind actually being in love. No Jason you are not in love with Sheldon. This just a silly, stupid passing infatuation if you can even call it that. This nonsense will pass. You need to find something else to focus your interests on and you will see that I am right," she said with an air of confidence she was not altogether sure she felt.
"No, no I won't. I know what I feel why can't you just accept it?" Jason asked trying to adopt a serious but calm tone.
She stared at her son. "You…you are honestly trying to tell me you believe you are in love with him. Jason darling can I explain something to you?" she asked in a softer tone that took Jason by surprise.
"Explain what?" he asked carefully. He was not to sure where she was intending to go with this.
"It is not love you feel for Sands…" Jason made to cut her off but she put out a hand to silence him before continuing, "it' pity you feel for him. Before you jump in here to contradict me let me explain," she said warningly as she say his face darken.
Jason sighed. He could feel himself gritting his teeth no matter how hard he tried to stop himself from doing it. He was sick of his mother insisting she was right. He didn't want to hear what ever cover ups she invented to deny what they both knew was the truth.
"You and I both know that Sheldon hasn't had the easiest of upbringings. Alright we do not knew the details as it is not our need or concern to. You think you love him but you are infact feeling is a feeling of sympathy and want to give him some kind of affection," she said.
Jason couldn't listen to this. He couldn't stay silent while she said all this. She couldn't have been further from the truth if she had wanted to be. "Would you just leave it out mom. I know what I feel for Sands and nothing you say is going to change that. Oh and another thing Sands doesn't want sympathy from me you or anyone," he said hotly in defence of him.
She ran a hand through her hair. Was it true? Could her son really be a homosexual? Did he really have feelings for Sheldon? "Have you ever experienced these feelings for any other boys?" she asked carefully. She was attempting to make her tone sound casual and conversational.
"Mom now is not the time," Jason yelled.
"Jason I…" she started.
"No mom what does it matter? I know what I feel for Sands no matter what I've felt in the past." He screamed.
His mother just shook her head. She wasn't really sure what she was meant to do about this. She wasn't sure what was upsetting her more the fact that her son was a homosexual or the fact that he claimed o love someone with as much baggage and problems as Sands.
"So can you please just tell me where he is?" Jason demanded. He wondered if he had a better chance of her telling him given that he had been totally honest with her. It never occurred to him that the truth would make her all the more determined not to tell him.
"No son you do not need to know that. All you need to know is he's getting the help he needs now," she said before she could stop herself.
Jason stared at her. "What do you mean by that?" he asked his stomach filling with dread.
His mother sighed she knew she couldn't keep it from him any longer. She knew he would go on and on until he found out. She knew if she wanted to salvage any kind of a relationship with her son she had no choice. There was also a very small part of her that knew if these feeling he claimed to have for Sheldon were true then h had a right to know. "He's in a secure hospital," she said wearily.
A look of horror crossed over his face they couldn't do this to Sands. He knew how he felt about hospitals. He remembered what Sands had said about hospitals it wouldn't stop playing over and over in his head.
"I don't like hospitals…they pump you full of shit knows what and hook you up to tons of machines. Then all these doctors come in asking all these weird questions…it…it scares the shit outta me it just feels like I have no control over anything you know. I hate not feeling like I have control…it scares me,"
Jason remembered how chilling he found those words then because they were the most open he had ever heard Sands being. He had hated the idea of Sands being so weak and scared and now it was happening again.
He could leave him like this. He refused to let Sands go through this alone. He turned on his heel and made for the door.
"Jason no," his mother called after him. She knew there was no point, nothing she said now was going to stop him from going to him.
Jason slammed the door shut behind him as he hailed a cab to take him to the hospital.
