Chap28 Have we not done this before?

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Jason was hit with an overwhelming disturbing sense of history repeating itself. He made his way to the ward Sands was in. He bit his lip as he walked in to see Sands once again doped up on a number of different drugs half of them he knew he wouldn't even be able to pronounce never mind have any idea what they were used for and what they did.

He couldn't help but still feel responsible and haunted by an aura of guilt part of him still felt like it was his fault he was in here. Even although the more rational part of him knew that wasn't true. Sand's attempt to kill him which still gave him slight shivers when he thought about it proved he was in the right place. He wasn't angry with Sands for what he had done. Sands had slipped showing him all the more that he was still in need of help. He just hoped this time he would get all the help he needed and finally get the chance of a normal life that he deserved.

Sands looked up as Jason came into the room and hovered near the bed trying to work out what Sands wanted right now. "I'm surprised you came…" he said quietly.

"Of course I came," Jason said sitting close to Sands on the bed. He had a feeling Sands wanted him close to him right now.

"I…I…just keep seeing it playing over and over in my head what I did to you….I didn't mean it Jas…Christ I didn't…I…I don't know I just flipped. I won't let it happen…I won't loose control like that again. I…I need the control and you…my God I need you…I love you…" Sands said in a soft and almost scared voice that pulled at Jason he couldn't stand to hear Sands like this.

"I'm here right here I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to him.

"I'll get the help…I can't loose control again. I need the control and you I need you," he whispered.

"It's ok baby…I'm here still here always here. Just take the help I'll be here with you all the way. We'll get through this we'll be the ones in control," he whispered to him. He was glad Sands was going to accept the help he needed. He meant what he said he would be with him all the way through this no matter what. He refused to leave him especially not now that he was willing to get the helped he was in need of.

Sands nodded as he drank in Jason's words. "Tell me about after…what we are going to do when this all over," he whispered sounding a little distant dreamy almost.

Jason nodded as he reached for Sand's hand to let him feel he was there incase he became lost in the drug fuelled haze. "After this…we can do what ever we want. It will be you and me and what we want. Sod everyone else they don't matter it's just us that matter," he whispered to him giving his hand a light squeeze. He felt himself smile slightly as Sands squeezed his hand back.

Doctor Ray was thoughtful as he observed this. He was trying to think of the angle he could guide Sands towards. For all he was a very tiring patient to work with he really wanted something good to happen for him. He had a few ideas but he couldn't really be sure of anything until he had the chance to speak to Sands when he was calmer to see what it was he wanted from life.

It was clear Sands hadn't had any chance at a life. He admired Jason it was clear he cared at lot about Sands. It was a nice thing for him to see it was nice to know he had someone he liked who evidently cared for him and wanted the best for him. He knew that if he was able to help Sands he would also be helping Jason. He would be making both Sands and Jason's life a lot easier and if that wasn't job satisfaction he just didn't know what was.

The visiting hours were over but Doctor Ray had no intention of making Jason leave. He would go down in a bit and ask him if he wanted to spend the night with Sands. He knew what the answer would be but he knew he had to go though the formality of asking but he knew that was all it was going to be, a formality.

"We're going to be okay aren't we Jason?" Sands asked quietly.

"Of course we are, better than ok," he whispered kissing him gently.