A/N- There is some foul language in this chapter. As we have already discovered, Becky has a tendency to revert to swearing when she is under high amounts of stress.
Thanks to a reviewer over at Fan Rush I have changed this chapter slightly. In the first few paragraphs the transition from David in the FBI offices to Don at the hospital was too abrupt. I have added a short paragraph to smooth out that transition.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Megan stepped out of the conference room only a few moments after David and she called over to him as she passed his desk.
"We can't afford to let Rebecca Cantor slip away so let's use the press to our advantage. We have her picture and her aliases. Let's get that out to all the networks and see if we can't get a good citizen to phone in her location."
"You got it boss."
David turned back to his computer screen wondering if he had over stepped his bounds with Megan. He had essentially scolded his senior officer for what he considered a mistake on her part. She didn't seem to have taken offense but sometimes Megan was hard to read.
He decided that it wasn't going to get him anywhere to speculate at this point so he simply focused on the tasks at hand. He needed to contact the transportation hubs, but the news media would come first. If they got her face plastered all over the air waves she would find it hard to travel publicly.
As David worked his thoughts wandered to the hospital and Don. A small part of him wished that Megan had not told him of her suspicions. He knew that Don was talking with the psychologist now and he wondered how that was going. Don didn't like doctors much and he was fairly certain he liked shrinks even less; especially when they were focused on him. With a shake of his head he went back to the task at hand. If anyone could handle a psychological evaluation it was Don Eppes.
Don sat up in bed facing the psychologist named Ally Martin who was looking over a file in her lap. She was sent here to determine what? Don's thoughts drifted back to what Megan had asked him this morning. Had he told the truth? Had he given a complete account of what had happened in that storeroom? He had thought of nothing else since Megan left just after six thirty in the morning.
'I told her everything that was important. I told her everything that they needed to know. The rest is mine and no one has a right to what's in my heart, not even the FBI.'
"Agent Eppes, you have been through one of the most horrific experiences that I have ever encountered. I understand that this will be difficult for you, so we can go as slowly as you need to, but we do need to talk about what happened."
"Yeah, I get that. I know you've read my deposition, so why don't we jump right to the real reason you're here. You want to know about last night."
"The 'real reason' I'm here as you put it, is because an agent has been through an emotionally and physically traumatic experience. I'm not the enemy you know. I'd like to get you out of the restraints at night, but that will only happen if you can work with me. But since you bring it up can you tell me why you had such a strong reaction to the nurse trying to assist you with the use of a urinal?"
Don sighed and shook his head slightly.
"Look I'll tell you the same thing I told Megan. I am sorry if I upset that young woman, and as soon as I see her I intend to apologize to her. As you have stated I have been through a lot, my family has been taken away for their protection as well as my own, I have a nightmare and now I'm being tied down at night which serves to increase my sense of anxiety, I'm watched all of the time, I have no privacy at all and when that nurse essentially tried to get me to use that thing it was the last straw. The agent in me understands why all of these measures are necessary, but until you are on the receiving end of these measures you couldn't possibly understand how it feels."
"You told Agent Reeves that you are being dehumanized?"
"Actually that was her word, but yes it is an apt description of how this feels. I was made to feel absolutely helpless by this woman, this killer. I had no control, no way to protect myself or fight back. I could do nothing more than watch and feel as she cut me open. Because of the nightmares I have lost my freedom once again. I want to at least be able to go to the bathroom on my own. Can you understand that?"
"Yes I can. Now let me ask you this; why did you tell Agent Granger that 'no one gets to touch you'?"
Don was ready for this question. "From the moment I woke up from the tranquilizer dart that Shelly Arbury subdued me with I have been cut, poked, prodded, sewn up, had a vacuum attached to my chest been tied down so yeah, I have had enough. I hold to that statement even now. I'm tired of this. I can take care of my own personal needs. I don't want anyone touching me if it is unnecessary. When Shelly ran her hands over my chest it made my skin crawl. I still remember that feeling and I don't like it. So no, I really don't want any one touching me unless it is necessary."
Ally nodded as she wrote something down in her notes. The rest of the evaluation took nearly two hours and Don was utterly exhausted by the time they were finished. He had to relive the entire experience for Miss Martin but actually found it a little easier to do a second time. That was good because he knew that when this went to trial he would have to do this all over again and hopefully by then it would be quite a bit easier.
"Thank you for your candor Agent Eppes. I am going to prescribe an anti-anxiety medication for you. Hopefully that will help with the nightmares. If we can get them under a little better control, I'm sure that we can get the restraints removed all together."
Don smiled and shook his head at this news.
"What is humorous?" Ally asked confused by his reaction to being told that he was going to be put on medication or that he might get the restraints removed.
"My brother is also on anti-anxiety medication. He was working on this case and started having anxiety attacks because he was worried that I would…
…well that I would end up right where I am."
"I see; maybe I should speak with him as well, both of you were abducted by this killer isn't that right?"
"Yeah, Charlie was there when she killed Agent O'Donnell. She blind folded him but he heard everything."
"Once the situation is cleared for safety, I would like to see both of you together. You have both been through similar experiences and you can help each other to get past the emotional repercussions of this trauma."
"That won't happen until they let me out of here. The last I heard it would be at least another week before this contraption comes off." he said pointing to the VAC bandage.
Ally stood up and smiled at him. She was about to reach out and touch his shoulder but remembered his desire not to be touched. "We have time Agent Eppes. Why don't you get some rest? It's been a long morning for you."
Ally stepped out into the hallway and signaled the agent sitting down the hall that she was done. She made her way to the parking garage thinking about her interview with Don Eppes. Once she was inside her car she pulled out her cell phone and called Megan Reeves.
"Reeves."
"Hi Megan, I just finished up with Agent Eppes."
"How did it go?"
"He is smart and hard to read. He's been doing this job for a long time and knows what to say when he is asked questions by a psychologist. Do I think he is hiding something about his experience in that storeroom? It's possible but I am not sure. The fact that his heart rate rose while he was talking about Shelly Arbury isn't an indication of anything other than what it appears to be."
"What did he say about not wanting any one to touch him?"
"Shelly fondled his chest before she started the torture. He says that it still makes his skin crawl. At this point I am putting in to my report that Agent Eppes is dealing with the emotional repercussions of this incident as well as can be expected. He will need counseling and I am prescribing anti-anxiety meds for him."
"Thanks Ally, I appreciate your call. I feel a little better about all of this now."
Megan hung up the phone just as an agent came running into her cubical.
"We have a sighting for Rebecca Cantor. The clerk at the Hyatt downtown remembers seeing her check in yesterday and she paid for her room in cash. We called and they have a Shirley Poulton checked in right now and she is currently in her room."
"Let's move!"
Rebecca Cantor sat quietly on the bed of her hotel room. She got a simple room at the Hyatt in downtown Los Angeles. She had no idea what she was going to do at this point. She didn't want to go south. If Shelly got herself out of this mess that is where she would head and Becky was serious about never wantong to see her again. The last couple of months had been a steadily worsening nightmare and the last week was almost surreal.
Hot tears formed in her eyes and dropped down her cheeks as she thought of her parents and her home. She knew that she would never see them again but what really tortured her mind was the look her father would wear on his face when he read her letter. When he found out what she had done he would never forgive her.
'I should have faced up to what I did all those years ago. They would have put me in jail but I'd probably be out by now. How long would they put a kid in jail for murder? That Smith kid in New York is in his twenties now but he's still in jail.'
Becky had no energy to do anything. She had no desire to move or even to run. She had checked into the hotel with the name Shirley Poulton. Some small part of her brain realized that she shouldn't use the name that got her into see Shelly.
At this point Becky was so emotionally wrung out and still exhausted from her flight away from the east coast and her home so that she was running on auto pilot. The only problem was she had no idea where to go or what to do next, so she just sat there in her hotel room staring off into space wishing that she could turn back time so that none of this had ever happened.
She flipped on the TV and lay down on the bed flipping through the channels. She nearly dropped the remote when she saw a news cast that looked like it had been run several times in the background as a reporter spoke about the FBI Killer.
Becky quickly turned up the volume and only half listened as she watched the news footage of Shelly being led out of a building on what looked like a school campus. She was hand cuffed and her arm was stained red with blood, but what really struck Becky was the fact that she had blood everywhere. It was all over her hands and forearms, on the front of her coveralls there was even some on her chin as if she had touched her face with a bloody hand.
Becky had to tear her eyes away from the image of her cousin and focus on the news anchor to hear the actual report.
"This is the scene from last Thursday evening as the prime suspect in the FBI killings was taken into custody. Shelly Arbury, originally from Baltimore Maryland was arrested on now seven counts of murder and will be arraigned next week."
Becky was stunned by what she saw. There was so much blood. How could she have done this? The true nature of these crimes had been hidden from the press but they must have been unbelievably brutal to have that much blood covering her cousin. Becky felt her stomach do a flip flop but suddenly she felt a stone cold fear encompass her entire body when a picture of her own face came up on the screen.
"The FBI is looking for Ms. Arbury's accomplice. Rebecca Cantor who also is using the aliases Stella Tandy or Shirley Poulton is still at large and wanted in connection to these murders. If anyone has any information regarding the where-abouts of this woman please contact the FBI at the number on the bottom of the screen."
Becky was off the bed in an instant and started shoving clothing into the small suitcase. She ran to the table over by the window to grab her purse when the door to the hotel room burst open and several large men all wearing bullet proof vests with guns drawn charges in.
"FBI! Get on your knees! Put your hands behind your head! Do it now!"
Rebecca Cantor sat mutely at a long table in the FBI interrogation room. A female agent sat across from her not saying anything but staring at her as though she were studying her reactions to her current situation. Becky was petrified. That was clear in her face; it was evident in her eyes that held a nearly feral look.
"We know that you withdrew a large sum of money from your parent's retirement fund. We found nearly fifty thousand dollars in your possession, so what happened to the rest of it?"
Becky didn't answer, her mind was reeling. The suicidal thoughts that had plagued her exhausted mind on the flight out to LA returned in full force, but now there was little that she could do about it.
'Why didn't I just leave? Why am I still here in LA? What am I going to do now?'
"Rebecca, I need to know who you gave that money to. Did you give it to Tommy Torpe?"
Becky looked up at Megan with tears in her eyes but her face also held confusion. She didn't know who the agent was talking about.
"Who?"
"Tommy Torpe; the man you were with when you visited your cousin yesterday afternoon."
Becky sighed and lowered her eyes to the table. "I never knew his name. I didn't want to go there, he made me."
Megan sat forward trying to catch the young woman's eye.
"Rebecca, do you realize how much trouble you are in? You are being charged with accessory to murder; the murder of several federal agents. That carries with it sever penalties."
Becky's voice was almost a whisper.
"I didn't kill anyone." A sob escaped her then and she changed her statement. "I didn't kill any FBI agents."
Megan sat back and thought about it. This girl was terrified, she was closing down and if she did that then she would be useless to them. It was time to start pushing some buttons.
"You aided your cousin, she murdered these agents and you helped her to do it. Why are you protecting her? What hold does she have over you?"
Becky's sobbing grew in intensity as she choked out her next words.
"I… I di… didn't help her to kill any… anyone. I gave her a file. That's all I did."
Megan pulled out the file from the Quantico archives detailing the investigation that led to Shelly's dismissal.
"So you freely admit to the theft of government files?"
"I wish I had never seen that fuckin' thing!" Becky brought her hands up to her face and cried openly into them.
"Who did you give the money to? Becky it's time to stop protecting your cousin. Tell me what she told you to do."
"She has always taken care of me. I'm not smart like her; I didn't know how to stay out of trouble or to do things. Shell made sure that no one would ever hurt me. I had to help her, I owe her."
"It sounds to me like Shelly was using you; manipulating you. Are you protecting her because of the fire?"
Becky's head snapped up at that statement and her eyes took on a wary look.
"The fire that burned Shelly's house down; the fire that her parents didn't escape from but you did."
Becky's hands dropped to the table and she stared at Megan in utter disbelief.
"She told you? She promised me that she would never tell anyone what I had done! That fuckin' bitch! I trusted her, I have always trusted her. She held that over me all of our lives! I have always done what she told me to do because she kept my secret. I can't believe that she told you."
This is the reaction that Megan was hoping for; it was time to drive the last nail into the coffin. She pulled out Don's deposition and put it in front of Becky. She had highlighted the section where Shelly confessed to Don that she had killed her own parents.
As Becky read how Shelly had murdered her parents so that they wouldn't send her away her tears dried up and her face paled visibly.
"No!" Becky hissed. She pushed the document away from her as though it were dangerous. She started shaking her head back and forth saying, "It can't be; it can't be. How could she… All of these years… It's been lies… It's all been lies! I'm so stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
"Becky, you're not stupid. Shelly has been manipulating you since you were a little girl. You need to stop protecting her. She hasn't done right by you. It's time to be smart. Help us and we can help you."
Becky looked up into Megan's eyes expecting to see that same sort of manipulation. How was this FBI agent any different than her cousin? She was being used all the same wasn't she?
"You just want to use me to get to her."
"No, there are lives at stake Becky. That money was used to pay an assassin to kill the men who survived Shelly's torture. She wants them dead so that they can not testify against her. If you help us I will make sure that the DA knows how you have been a pawn in all of this and not a willing participant."
"Torture?"
Megan pulled the crime scene photographs from Jon O'Donnell's murder out and showed them to Becky. Becky looked on; eyes wide with horror. She knew that Shelly had killed these men but she had no idea how.
"Becky these men were awake when she did this to them."
Becky looked up as tears rolled down her face. She looked as though she was in shock and Megan wondered if she had pushed too hard.
"What do you want to know?"
Don had thus far had a fairly peaceful night. Colby knew that the psychologist had prescribed anti-anxiety medication and he was hoping that if he had a couple of good nights then the restraints could go away. He hated putting the wrist restraints to Don and he always waited until he had fallen asleep to fasten them. It seemed so wrong to treat him like a prisoner after everything that he had been through. Of course Colby understood why they were necessary.
He would never forget how Don looked when he tore off the VAC bandage exposing what seemed to Colby to be a gaping chest wound. He had not been there when Don was found nor had he seen him before he went up to surgery so the shock of seeing the damage that was done to him was still quite fresh in his mind. It was just after one thirty in the morning when he heard Don call to him softly.
"Colby?"
"Hey Don, you OK?"
"Yeah, can you let me up?"
Colby got up immediately and came over to the bed to untie the restraints.
"You need to go in there?" he said pointing to the bathroom.
Don allowed Colby to help him into a sitting position with his legs hanging over the edge of the bed before speaking. He took a moment more clutching the chest pillow to his front as the pain of the movement subsided.
"I want to apologize for last night."
"Hey you don't have to do that. I understand how you feel."
Don looked up at his fellow agent and said, "Yes I do, and no you don't. There is something that I want to talk about but…"
Colby pulled the chair he had been sitting on closer and sat down looking directly at Don. He looked worn and tired but his eyes held an intensity that he had not seen in the last few days.
"What is it?"
"This is between friends, Colby. It's not official."
Don waited for Colby to nod his understanding. As a gesture he reached over and turned the note pad that he was keeping is report on upside down so that the pages were covered by the clipboard.
"I know what you and Megan were talking about yesterday morning. I know what you think happened."
Colby shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"It's ok, if I were in your shoes I would have done the same thing. I know that how I acted last night was a clear indicator that something more was going on than I disclosed in my deposition. Well, you were right, in a way. It is what you think, and it's not."
Don took a deep breath before continuing. He knew that he had to get this out and that he wouldn't get past it until he did.
"In our job we deal with victims all the time. We empathize with them, we try to understand how they feel, but we don't understand. We think we do, we try to, but until we are faced with their actual pain we don't really have a clue. Not really. I understand how a victim feels now. I wish to God that I didn't but I do."
"When Shelly strapped me down she took away my power. I couldn't fight her; I couldn't stop her from doing anything that she wanted to me. The closest I came to controlling the situation was when I asked her to tell me about her parents. By distracting her I was trying to buy time but she wasn't distracted for long. There was nothing left for me to do except feel what she wanted me to feel. She effectively stripped way everything that makes me who I am. She made me a victim."
Don stopped talking for a moment. He was getting close to the truth but he didn't want to voice it. He knew he had to but the feeling of helplessness and violation returned so strongly that he needed a moment to get his emotions under control.
"She wanted to control me. I told Megan and that psychologist about her stroking my chest after she had torn my shirt open."
Another pause followed this statement. Don couldn't believe how hard this was.
"She didn't stop at the chest. She knew that I could do nothing to stop her. She wanted to control every aspect of my being and for me to know that she held all the power. I'm neither stupid nor naive. I know that I didn't do anything wrong and there is no reason to feel ashamed when my body responded to her touch the only way it could; the way it was designed to, but no matter how many times I tell myself that I still feel like my own body betrayed me."
Don stopped again as a wave of fierce emotion washed over him. He clutched the chest pillow to his torso and rocked forward as he tried desperately to stifle a sob. Colby didn't know what to say to Don. He was torn between a deeper feeling of empathy than he had ever felt and a boiling rage at what that evil woman had done to his friend. After a moment Don sat back a little and sighed.
"She saw the betrayal in my eyes, she knew that I had no control over what she was making me do; what she was making me feel. In her twisted mind she had won a victory that she felt was long over due. I refused to date her when I was at the academy, so she was going to show me that she held the power. I don't think she did that to the others. I have no way to prove that but I still know that what she did to me was something she had reserved solely for me."
"She got what she wanted and that's where it ended. She didn't undress me, she didn't need to. Once she was satisfied that she had humiliated me she picked up the scalpel and started to cut."
Don looked directly at Colby to make sure he understood what he was about to say.
"I don't want to talk about this with Megan or that psychologist. What happened changes nothing about the case and I don't want it on my permanent record that I was a victim in that way. Do you understand that Colby. This must remain private."
Colby reached out and put his hand on Don's shoulder before speaking.
"I won't say anything, Don; not to anyone. I'm glad that you talked to me about this. Maybe now you can start to put it behind you."
"That's the plan. It's just going to take some time and it looks like I have an abundance of that these days. So how did you get stuck with the night shift anyway?"
"I wanted to be here."
Don didn't know what to say. He felt tremendously grateful for Colby's presence. He knew that he could never have shared that moment with Megan or any of the other agents… well maybe David but certainly no one else.
"Thanks Colby. Now could you help me get over there?"
"Sure thing boss."
With Colby's assistance Don managed to stand up and take a few steps toward the bathroom. The VAC pump slid along the floor as Colby pushed it with his foot. Once they got the door open Don proceeded in but his gate was unsteady. Colby stepped into the threshold and reached for Don's arm to steady him.
Just as the door to the bathroom began to close behind Colby's back there was a crash as something smashed through the window. Colby turned and saw a dark object fly into the room and acted on pure instinct born out of active military experience. He spread his arms and covered Don's body as the blast blew the door off the bathroom threshold throwing him into Don with tremendous force and incinerating the room.
