Part 2

You know mate, you're real lucky I'm willing to risk my hide like this... if anyone ever finds out... No, he's not going to suppress the freedom of the press! Christ, you people are really hung up on that! What about protecting the privacy of the individual? And that Cole guy really needs some privacy...

Yeah, so why am I talking to you again? 'Cause I don't him to be known as the second Morning Star, is what. Pass me a ciggy.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. The boss man just told Cole that, "I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET."

Well, Cole didn't take that well. He just thought it over, real calm-like, his eyes closed again. I was beginning to wonder if he did all his thinking with his eyes closed - he'd have to have been walking into things all the time - and then he sorta wavered. You know, in that instant before you see a tree fall over, there's this stillness, and then it topples? He did exactly that. It wasn't anything like a tree, I have to say, because he was so bloody skinny, but he fell nonetheless. Fainted dead away.

So, there I am, supposed to be writing all this down but instead fetching him a chair and sitting him up and slapping his face to bring him around. Amazing I didn't wring his neck on the spot. It would have been so easy as well, he was half-dead on me. Well, that was the unusual bit. Usually, they are all dead on me. This one was still breathing. Flippin' amazing.

So, anyway, he comes around, and we're force-feeding him water and everything, and he's waving us all away and staggering to his feet again, watchin' the Almighty watch him. "Sorry," he said again, his voice gentle-like, but his eyes... man, if you'd seen his eyes, you would have cried. Green as anything they were then, and you could see that it was anger that made them like that.

And that's bad news. One thing you do not do, no matter who you are, is get angry at the Almighty. That's not just dogmatic law, it's common sense. Would you want Him to get angry with you?

So, anyways, I was trying to keep Cole down on the chair, trying to cool him off, but he brushed me away like I didn't weight anything, and faced the boss man.

"I'm sorry for that," he said again, slowly, running a hand through his hair. It's thick enough for me to see that it would have been real pretty when he had been at his full strength, all shiny and full and - what's that word? Lustre? Yeah, his hair would have had that. Now, though, it looks as tired as him. His eyes are the only thing alive about him. But it's enough. "I'm sorry."

And he stopped. And he didn't say anything for a long while, just looking up at the light again. Then, "I loved her, you know," he said, very, very softly. I almost didn't hear him, and I was standing right next to him, ready to catch him if he fell again. Oh, Jesus, the image there, man, the image! Catch him if he fell.

And I know the Almighty sees it too, and I'll be damned if He isn't a little touched and a lot amused by it. "I KNOW," He told Cole gently, like a father would a son. And Cole smiled then, and said nothing for a long while.

And - okay, I was curious. I know that we're not supposed to do stuff like this, and we get our wings clipped if we do it often enough, but... damnit, I was so curious. So, I sorta went into his mind, very very gently, just to see what he was thinking. Hell, if he was going to be as tight-lipped as this, I wasn't going to get any of the inside info, you get me?

It wasn't like reading his mind or any such stuff like that. I think that's just sick, anyways. I hear that they got them telepath people down there now that can do that to you - well, bring them up here, and I'll show them what for! I'll rip them in two! I'll --

Yes, okay, okay, I'll carry on, sheesh. Yeah, so I'm trying to basically see in what direction Cole's gonna take this, all the time wetting myself in case the big G hears me and clips me then and there. And what do I get from Cole? Nothing. Nothing. Nyet. Nada. The man's a fucking black hole.

Or a mirror. Whichever way you want to call it. There's a woman in his thoughts, of course, I bet she's still there now, I reckon. Same thick dark hair as him, same set in the jaw line - stubborn as hell, I could tell that straight off. Except that there's this thing around her neck, and you can hardly see her hair anymore, because the thing around her neck is hiding it. And what you can see isn't her hair. At least Cole didn't think so.

Horrible, the way we have to remember people, isn't it? At their complete worst. This woman - his ladyfriend, I should imagine - well, any ninny could see that she was hanging on by a thread. Barely there. Her eyes are like his as well, although I doubt he realised this. I doubt any of those fools down there could see it, frankly. Well, they'd say, they were a different colour, weren't they? Yeah, like that makes any difference. The skin around her eyes was so tight, you see, tight like his skin, and you can tell she's in pain because of it. And then she wants to cry but won't let herself do it, and her eyes get this sort of hazel glow, just like his. Weird to watch, I tell you.

So that's all I got from Cole. Just a picture of this woman, right on the surface. Below that - black hole. There was nothing there. The man was a cipher. Scary as fuck, I tell you, I nearly wet myself.

And the Almighty stayed real silent all through this, just waiting to see what Cole will say next. You know, He knew Cole backwards. He can read minds, Hell, He can read souls! You know why He doesn't like to? Because souls lie. There you have it. Souls, with their pure and best intentions, lie. Because we all feel so guilty for something we did in our lives that if He judged by that, down below would be packed like sardines. And the ones that don't feel any guilt are off their rocker, and need special consideration. Takes forever to decide with them, as well.

Anyway, back to Cole - again. Sorry, I know I keep wandering off, but, see, you gotta understand a few things about the admin that goes on around here if you're to understand why a conditional discharge is so unthinkable. I mean --

What? Oh, fine. Have it your way. If you think you know, then you undoubtedly do. Far be it for me, millennia older, to try and educate you.

Anyway. Cole was thinking about all this a great deal, as you can imagine. I couldn't hear any of what was going on, and, frankly, I didn't really want to know. You ever looked in a black hole? Thought not. I wouldn't recommend it. It's bloody gorgeous. Gorgeous. You want to drown in it until there's nothing left of you. And that's what Cole felt like inside - this complete emptiness you wanted to drown in.

And he could feel it, too. I could feel it, and I could feel him trying to change it all inside him, to try and get the woman to fill the nothingness there, but, of course, memories don't work. It's not real, it's not tangible, and that's why was Cole here.

To try and make it real. "I still love her," he said after that mighty long pause. He was squinting up into the light again. "Please."

"PLEASE WHAT?"

Okay, so he doesn't hand-feed anyone anything either. No helping hands, here. You want something, you come out and ask Him.

I knew what Cole wanted. He was here to plead for her life. To save her. His faith must be so strong, I thought, to try that. But, sometimes it happens, you know. Sometimes a loved one is saved by a heartfelt appeal. See, prayers do work. It just takes some time for the paperwork to be filed.

"Please take me instead."

Okay, so I'm wrong again. Well colour me pink and call me Nancy. I should have seen that one coming, really, shouldn't I? I mean, he wanted to fill that void with her... and the only way he could would be for her to be alive, and for the void to get small enough to be filled. Wouldn't work if he was alive. Well, it might, but it was obvious he didn't want to risk that. Feels himself to be worthless, so he's offering his life for his love.

Commendable.

Pity it doesn't quite work like that.

And the boss man knows He's going to have to shatter hopes, and it breaks Him up, it really does. "INSTEAD? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE YOU - AS WELL?"

And that stopped Cole in his tracks. More thinking. The weird part is, the nothingness all the way down there sorta woke up at this. Difficult to label emotions, but if I'd have to judge, I'd say he was feeling pride.

Pride?

That still sorta puzzles me, so I'm not surprised you're so shocked. Yeah, pride. D'you know how much a life is worth? More than a million lives. Difficult to explain if you haven't got the equations, but there's this simple one kicking around down there - you know, where one ends up equalling two? Yeah, that's the one. Try that on a global - or even a galactic - scale. All those ones, worth as much as the rest put together. Don't you think that would give you a sense of pride, knowing you had that? That you were more important than the rest of the universe put together? Of course, it also works the other way, but no one bothers to remember that...

So, when I felt that pride in our Mr Cole, I was a little surprised. I hadn't expected him to, well, you know, realise that. And he seemed too modest - too guilt-ridden - to go in for that self-worship. Well, it wasn't that. Not really. There was something there - something a little deeper than I could go. I'd have to sweat it out with the rest of the to see what would happen.

And he knew it, too. Freaked me out, but he turned to me, and gave me this smug little smile. It just said, 'I know'. And that nearly sent me running. He knew I was there, trying to read him, and he knew I couldn't find anything but mirrors, and he knew how much it freaked me out. And it didn't bother him in the slightest.

You'd think if you were facing the big G you'd be scared, wouldn't you? Not this one. Stood right up, shoulders squared, and smiled up at Him. "You won't take me as well, because it would disrupt the balance," he said.

And that was when, so Dmitri tells me, my face went this sort of puce colour, and I fell flat on my back, back-pedalling, trying to get as far away from the bloody stupid idiot as I could. Not only was God going to smite him, he might smite his entire bloody planet for that! What did he think he was? One of us? Even we would never dare say anything like that!

And so, there I am, fear written all over me, and the Almighty isn't doing anything, just waiting again. Did I ever tell you how screwed up the system is? One minute it's, 'Smite all those speaking against me!', and the next minute we're having theological discussions. And that's what this was.

And God was allowing it.

I'm gonna quit this job. I'm already a chain smoker; next step, crack.

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THERE'S A BALANCE?" That's a good point, actually. We're all assuming that there's a balance - good vs. evil, light vs. dark. Which is a nice system, assuming it works.

Then again, the alternative is anarchy, death, destruction and endless daytime television, so let's not go there.

And I think Cole gets that. It was then that he first struck me as kinda familiar. I mean, not like I'd seen him before - if I had, he'd be dead, and, I mean, there was only one dead guy walking around, and that was just with special dispensation. No - maybe I'd had to file away a relative or two of his? It would have had to be a special or unusual case, because, frankly, those that flood through here are quickly forgotten once they're filed. Sorry, it's hurtful, but if it's a simple cut and dry case, you either go up or down. Occasionally, we get a dead guy pleading for their mortally wounded lover/relative/turtle, you pick. And then we get a little divine favour, 'cause the boss man has a thing for lost causes.

Must be why He was still talking to this Cole guy.

"There might not be. But I think there is. And since this is all about me, it's what I believe in that counts, isn't that right?"

We gotta exterminate the Minbari. I swear. There you are, building a nice little religion, and they go and rationalise it. The power of the mind. The universe alive. Phooey. And this one has been taking lessons. Pure luck he's essentially right. Well, not nearly, you get me, but if you tried to simplify it down beyond maths... remember that equation thing with the lives? That's the one. It's all about the individual.

This is why I'm not God. I'm crap at maths.

So the Almighty's thinking this over. Now, he could simply bellow 'infidel!' and throw him down, but it's not His style.

"YOU SEEM VERY SURE OF YOURSELF. HOW CAN YOU BE SURE THIS ISN'T ABOUT SUSAN IVANOVA?"

"Because I've been here before," Cole says, and I choke on my tongue.

Okay, mate, much as I'd love to continue this, I gotta buzz. Places to go, people to smite. Cya tomorrow.