Collins had loosened up by the time we left the apartment building. I was really worried that I annoyed him, but he didn't seem to be that angry, considering he was either holding my hand, or holding my waist the entire way up to the life support meeting. We talked, yes of course we talked. Alright, so he talked the whole time, because I had no idea what it was about. He talked about Philosophy and all that. You know, that's one thing I could never understand. These people worry and question too much. That's probably how Socrates died. He was murdered because he annoyed the living hell out of someone so much that they just hit him until he died. If that's not a story with morals, I don't know what is.
However, I never said that to him. No no, see, I wasn't about to bash his way of living, because he probably thought the same of mine. He lived to question life; I lived to just…live life. I guess that means had felt like he had more of a purpose in life. I never felt empty, but it sounds like something I could try. He asked me at least five times if he was boring me, or babbling, I just giggled, and shook my head. I liked hearing him talk. He had a very interesting life. I mean, if running through the Parthenon NAKED isn't interesting, shoot me. Ha, wait until I tell my brother. He thought he was cool for running through a high school football game naked.
We finally got to the school where the meeting was taken place. He looked at me, and hesitated going into the building. I looked up at him.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked him. He looked at the ground.
"Have you gone to these yet?" He asked me, and I smiled. He was nervous.
"I've been to a few before, but they've all been different." I told him, and took one of his cold hands in mine. "I've just been a bit…lost lately." I admitted, and he looked at me, sighing out, in relief I hope.
"Are they…awkward?" He asked me, and I giggled lightly, tugging his hand so we could get inside, so I wouldn't freeze my ass off.
"Well, it's a bit too late for you to be so worried." I told him, practically playing tug-of-war with his arms. I groaned, he was a lot bigger than me, and this was hard. "Oh come on. I promise you, after this, we'll have a nice warm dinner and-…"
"Actually Angel, I was wondering if you would like to go to Maureen's protest tonight at the lot? We're all going out to dinner at the Life Café right afterwards." He said softly, and I could see his face redden. I giggled, and smiled at him.
"That sounds lovely." I told him, and he grinned up at me. "BUT, only if you come on in before I get pneumonia!" I told him, and tugged on his arm again, and this time he followed. I led him inside, and he stepped to my side, and took my hand. We were silent as I walked us to the room where the meeting was being held in. I hoped the group would be small this time. It seemed pointless if it were large, and I also hoped there wasn't such a large population of people with AIDS around this location. I led him into the room. There were six people already in there. I sighed out; happy it would be a closer crowd, even though everyone looked as thought this was there last day on earth. Collins tensed up a bit, and I couldn't blame him. I nudged him inside, and a few people looked at us, and I smiled at them. Hopefully try and bring some happiness in here. "Come on, let's get a chair and sit." I told Collins, and he sighed, grabbing chairs for the both of us.
"Well, new arrivals." One man said, with a pathetic smile. His voice was soft and tender. He had a clipboard in his hands, so I figured he was the foreman, or whatever you called it. "I guess we should start soon, so you can all get home to be with your families or friends." He said, and I looked around the room. No one really seemed to be okay with what he had just said. Some obviously didn't have either one of those things to spend time with. I frowned, and felt very lucky. I just met a lot of new friends, and had my Mimi to spend tomorrow and tonight with. But most of all, I had Collins, who immediately took my hand, as if he read my mind. "Let's go around the room and start with our names. You can start." He said to a man sitting on the other side of him. The man looked very scared, but he nodded.
"Steve."
"Gordon."
"Ali."
"Pam."
"Sue." And then it got to me. I figured just my name was going to suffice. I put on a smile, and looked around the room.
"Hi, I'm Angel." I said, and took Collins's hand in my lap, and looked at him. He was staring at the others.
"Tom…Collins." He said a bit shakily, so I squeezed his hand to reassure him.
"And I'm Paul, why don't we begin?" The head leader man said. "Now, does any-…" He didn't get to finish, because behind me there was a banging sound. I turned around with Collins, and there was Mark. OH! He made it! What a sweetie, but obviously a klutz. I giggled, and waved at him. He turned deep red. "Oh, another new face. Welcome, what's you name?" Paul asked Mark, and Mark made an uneasy face.
"Oh! I'm not…I just...I'm sorry, I'm with…" He mumbled, pointing to Collins and me. "I-I-Mark, I'm Mark."
"Well, sit down Mark, make yourself comfortable." Paul said softly.
"Actually, I was wondering if I could record this meeting tonight. I'm doing a documentary on raw life in New York…and well, I would like to know if any of you minded…?" He asked, and I looked up at him. There it was, the camera again.
"Not at all Mark, that should be fine." Paul told him, and Mark smiled a bit, and walked to the other side of the room, his camera facing Collins and me. "Now, let's begin. Would anyone like to start?" He asked, and everyone sort of looked away from him. Gordon seemed to be a bit nervous. His leg was shaking rapidly. Paul saw him. "Gordon, how about you?" He asked, and Gordon looked up. "You seem very nervous tonight."
"Well, of course I am." Gordon said shyly, and Paul just looked at him, telling him to go on with his facial expression. "I found out that my t-cells are low today. I'm…well, afraid…okay?" He said, but the 'okay?' at the end kind of irked me. As if this boy needed to ask permission to be afraid of dying. Poor dear.
"Alright." Paul said simply. "Now, tell us how you feel today."
"Okay." Gordon said, kind of oddly.
"That's the most vague expression I've heard in a while. Are you sure you're just okay?" Paul asked, wanted to get more out Gordon.
"It's the best I felt all year to tell you the truth." Gordon said, and smirked. This made me smile. I felt Collins nudge me, and I looked up at him. He must have been thinking the same as me.
"Then why choose fear Gordon, if life is going so well today?" Paul asked him.
"I'm a New Yorker." Gordon said without missing a beat. "Fear's my life." I couldn't help but laugh, and I heard chuckles all around the room. Finally, some comforting laughter. Gordon smiled, and looked at his hands, which were linked together in his lap. "Look, I just find these philosophies suspicious. I'm just so used to relying on my doctor, and he can't help me anymore than give me ATZ now. But, I guess now in this stage, I have no choice but to open my mind to things that…I don't even know." He said, and a fake almost forced smile crept his face. I could see he was holding back tears. "Why do you believe that Gordon?" Paul asked him softly.
"Because…if I don't live my days like they're my last…I just have the doctor's deadlines. Those deadlines say that…" He said, and sniffed. "…That I should have died three years ago."
And it was what was in that little speech Gordon gave that made Collins cry, and hold my hand tight. It was what he said that made Mark put his camera down. It was what he said, that made my heart melt, and my face drop.
