A/N – Thank you all for your feedback both in reviews and PM's. This aspect was tricky for me. I wanted to keep everyone in character have a happy ending but still address the fact that there are repercussions for our actions. The old adage "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" comes to mind.
Chapter Forty-Eight
As soon as Trip arrived up on the isolation ward and gave Don the news about his brother he became a man with a single-minded mission. He wanted to get dressed and go down to the Emergency Department to see his brother and no one whether an agent or hospital personnel was going to stop him. Trip recognized the fact that Don Eppes would not be talked into waiting patiently up in the isolation ward so he wheeled him into his room and helped him to get dressed in his own clothes.
The dizziness and nausea were still causing Don problems but he refused to give into them. He understood that he would have to be wheeled downstairs but he was not going to be hampered in his quest. He still had an IV hooked up and he pointedly told the nurse to either disengage the IV or he would do it himself. She turned off the drip and capped it at the back of his hand but insisted that the line remain. The fluid that he was getting at this point was primarily for hydration purposes for he had been switched to oral antibiotics and pain medication yesterday, but she wasn't going to take responsibility for removing the line against doctor's orders.
It took nearly an hour to get Don ready for the trip down to the ER during which time he grew more and more frantically impatient. Trip had to keep reminding him that once they got downstairs he wouldn't be allowed to see Charlie until he had been examined and evaluated by the Emergency Department staff anyway but that did little to assuage the agent's annoyance at the delay.
When they were finally ready to go to the Emergency Department the night nurse who had looked up Larry's phone number for him stepped over to the wheelchair and gave him a slip of paper with a phone number written on it in large numbers that he could easily read even with blurry vision.
"Agent Eppes, This is Larry's phone number. I got the impression that he wanted you to call him when you found out about your brother. I understand why you are going downstairs, but you will need to return to this unit before the end of my shift. I have medications to give you as well as my shift change physical assessment. You don't want me getting in trouble now do you?"
As Don took the slip of paper from the young woman he squeezed her hand and said, "Thank you. I promise I'll be back before the end of your shift."
Alan was pacing nervously in front of the waiting room chairs when Trip and Don came around the corner from the elevators. As they approached Don could see how concerned his father looked. He seemed to have aged ten years since he had last seen him. He also noted how his father seemed to pace the same way Charlie did when he was engrossed in his own thoughts. For some reason the similarities between his father and brother stuck out in sharp contrast in that moment as he watched his father walking in a loop trying to burn off the pent up worry he felt. Alan looked up as he began to turn back to pace in the opposite direction and spotted Don.
"Donnie!"
He quickly walked up to his oldest son and bent to give him a hug. As he stood up he took in how Don was dressed. He looked ready to leave the hospital all except for the wheelchair, the small loop of IV tubing taped to the back of his right hand and the bandage on his head.
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be upstairs resting?"
"Have you heard anything about Charlie yet?"
Alan's shoulders slumped a little.
"The last time I checked they said that he had gone to the X-Ray department for rib films and a head CT. That was nearly forty minutes ago. So what is this all about?" Alan said, indicating Don's clothes. "Are they releasing you tonight?"
"No but I figured that if I was coming down here I wanted to actually have clothes on."
"Eppes family?"
Both Don and Alan turned to see who had called that name. A middle aged doctor in a knee length white lab coat was standing near the triage doors looking around the waiting room. Alan wasted no time walking up to the woman and extending his hand.
"I'm Alan Eppes. How is Charlie?"
Trip wheeled Don up next to his father and he also extended his hand to the doctor.
"I'm Don Eppes, Charlie's brother."
"My name is Doctor Belton. I've examined Charlie and have gotten results from his x-rays. Could you follow me and I will fill you in on his injuries?"
Alan took over wheeling Don's chair while Trip moved off to speak to his agents who were seated or standing on the far side of the waiting room. The doctor led them past the main hallway of the Emergency Department and turned left at the first main intersection. Her office was on the right side of the hallway and was remarkable spacious for an Emergency Department office.
There was a bank of lighted panels on the back wall behind her desk that held a series of x-rays on them. Some of the images both Don and Alan recognized as images of a chest and rib cage. There were several broken ribs on those pictures most along the right side of the image but some on the left were broken as well. The other pictures up there were large sheets with several smaller x-ray like images on each sheet. Neither Don nor Alan could determine what those small images were pictures of however.
Alan couldn't take his eyes off of the x-rays that clearly showed so many broken bones in the rib cage and asked in a tight voice, "Is that Charlie?"
"Yes, Mr. Eppes. These are Charlie's chest x-ray, rib series and the head CT. As you can see from these pictures he has seven broken ribs on the left side and three on the right."
"Wait, isn't that his left?" Don interrupted as he pointed at the left side of the pictures as he was looking at them.
"No sir, when we hang x-rays up, we hang them as if the patient were facing us." She pointed to a large white area on the chest x-ray that could be seen underneath the bones of the ribs. "This white area is his heart which, as you know, is on the left. Luckily the fractured ribs have not damaged his lungs but they will take some time to heal. The head scan shows that his left orbit or eye socket has been fractured. It's called a blowout fracture and could have more serious implications."
Alan sat down feeling a little shaky. "What exactly is this blowout fracture and what are the implications of that doctor?"
"The eye socket is a bony cup that surrounds and protects the eye. The rim of the socket is made of fairly thick bones, while the floor of the socket is paper thin in many places. A fracture is a broken bone in the eye socket involving the rim, the floor or both. An indirect orbital floor fracture or a "blowout fracture" occurs when the bony rim of the eye remains intact, but the paper thin floor of the eye socket cracks or ruptures. This can cause a small hole in the floor of the eye socket that can trap parts of the eye muscles and surrounding structures. The injured eye may not move normally in its socket, which can cause double vision. Most blowout fractures are caused by an impact to the front of the eye from something bigger than the eye opening, such as a baseball, a fist. In Charlie's case he has both a blow out fracture and an orbital rim fracture. The blowout happened first and the orbital rim was broken afterward, probably with a second blow to the face."
Don's face turned red as he felt anger well up inside of him. Someone had beaten up his brother and possibly cause terrible damage to his eye and when he found out who had done this he would put his badge and gun away and take matters into his own hands. Alan paled a little but waited patiently to hear what the implications of this injury would be to his son.
"Charlie has regained consciousness now and was able to answer a few questions for me. He is experiencing enophthalmus or sunken eye due to the injury. I believe that the eye muscle is also involved because he was unable to move his eye effectively. I will want to send him to a plastic and reconstructive surgeon who specializes in treating eye injuries. An ophthalmologist will also be called in to deal with the double vision he is experiencing. These specialists will determine whether he needs surgery to repair the broken bone, remove bone fragments, free trapped eye muscles and subsequently eliminate the double vision."
"Will his eye sight be affected by this?" Alan asked the question in a quiet and even tone that belayed the fear he felt about permanent damage.
"I don't believe so but that is really a question for the ophthalmologist. In most cases, the outlook is very good. Even when surgery is needed to repair the fracture, most procedures have a high rate of success and a low risk of long-term complications."
"When would he have to have this surgery, if it is determined that he needs it?"
"Most oculoplastic specialists will wait 10 to 14 days following the trauma to allow for resolution of the associated edema and hemorrhage."
Don looked startled by this news. "Will he have to be hospitalized that entire time?"
"No. Charlie's other injuries should heal with time. He got lucky that he suffered no internal bleeding from the beating. His chest and abdomen are badly bruised but he should be able to go home by the day after tomorrow. I want to keep him here for at least twenty-four hours under observation. He took quite a few serious blows to the head and was unconscious for an extended period of time. As long as he maintains consciousness during his observation period and has no further developments with regard to the chest and abdominal injuries I would be willing to release him into your care, Mr. Eppes."
Alan nodded his head feeling some of the tension ease out of his body at the news that Charlie could come home soon. "Can we see him now?"
"Yes, he has been moved to one of the holding rooms for admittance to the hospital. We simply need to push through the admission papers and find a room for him. If you follow me I'll take you to him." The doctor then turned to Don and looked pointedly down at the back of his right hand then up at the bandage still covering his head. "Are you a patient in this hospital?"
"Um… yeah, but I had to come down here to find out about my brother. There is no way that I could sit upstairs in that room not knowing what was going on."
"What floor are you on?"
"I'm in the isolation ward on the fourth floor."
Dr. Belton's eyebrows shot up at that. "The isolation ward!"
"It's not what you think. I don't have any kind of communicable illness. The location was for other security purposes."
She eyed him suspiciously before moving. Don started to feel a little uncomfortable under her scrutiny but did not want to give her any information that she didn't actually need.
"Look, Dr. Belton, I am a federal agent. I was injured during the course of a classified investigation and I was put where I was put for security purposes. I can't tell you anything else."
"I see, and is your brother also a federal agent?"
"No, he is a professor of applied mathematics, why do you ask?"
"Oh I was just wondering if I was going to have a steady stream of federal agents coming into my ER tonight."
She allowed a wry grin to escape her control as she turned to lead the out of her office and down to Charlie's room.
Charlie looked far worse than either of them had been prepared for. The left side of his face was so badly swollen and discolored that they would not have recognized him except for the mop of dark curls. He was lying in a gurney with the head raised about forty-five degrees with his eyes closed. The shock and anger that registered on both Don and Alan's faces was plainly obvious and did not go unnoticed by the doctor. She motioned for them to wait by the door for a moment as she approached the gurney.
Alan noted how gently she stroked his son's forehead and the tender tone in her voice when she spoke to her patient. While this doctor didn't look anything like his late wife she had the same soothing touch and he felt comforted that this woman was the one looking after Charlie.
"Hey there, I thought I told you no sleeping for a while?"
Charlie didn't move at her touch or words and both Don and Alan saw the frown of concern crease her brow.
"Charlie, I need you to open your eyes now and talk to me."
"Hmm? Five more minutes." Charlie said thickly.
Alan couldn't help smiling at that. How many times had he heard his son utter those same words over the years? Charlie didn't wake up easily. He slept snuggled down in bed with the covers pulled up all the way to his chin and would usually just roll over and utter the plea for just five more minutes at least three times before either he or Margaret would have to literally pull the covers off of him to get him moving.
"Charlie you need to open your eyes now. You have some visitors."
Charlie opened his eyes and groggily looked up at the woman standing over him. His face registered confusion as if he were expecting to see someone else. After a moment the realization of where he was seemed to flicker in his eyes and he looked toward the door. The motion of turning his head seemed to cause him pain as he squinted a little trying to make out who he was looking at. After a moment his eyes opened wide with recognition and even through the heavy bruising and swelling on his face, the emotion that encompassed his features shown through clearly. As a torrent of relief, and happiness at the sight of his family washed over him his voice cracked with emotion.
"Don?"
"Hey, Buddy?"
Alan pushed Don's chair into the room so that he was right next to Charlie's bed. Alan opened his mouth to say something then closed it quickly. He wanted to yell at Charlie for leaving, for getting himself into a situation where he was so badly hurt, for causing him so much fear and anxiety. He couldn't bring himself to say any of those things at the moment, not when Charlie looked so small and fragile. At this point all he wanted to do was to hug his boy and tell him that everything would be all right.
Don had similar thoughts coursing through his brain. He wanted to hug Charlie and throttle him at the same time but unsure what his younger brother could tolerate at the moment he held his tongue.
"You look like crap."
Charlie took in the bandage on his brother's head and the fact that he was in a wheel chair and a slight smile crossed his face but quickly faded as the expression caused pain to shoot through his eye.
"Look whose talking. Are you ok?"
"Am I ok? Charlie, I'm fine. It's you that we're all worried about. What happened to you? Why did you leave the safe house?"
Charlie looked away from Don and down at his hands. He didn't want to talk about this. He had made a deal with Alto DiBenedetto and paid the price for that contact. He could only hope that now DiBenedetto would keep his word and make sure that the contract on their lives was canceled but he wasn't ready to discuss any of this with Don.
"Charlie? Who did this to you?"
"I don't know."
It wasn't a lie. Charlie didn't have any idea who the men were that beat him in front of Alto DiBenedetto. He didn't know their names or have a clear memory of their faces. They were DiBenedetto's men; that's all he knew. Suddenly a thought occurred to Charlie.
"Don, what are you doing here? We aren't supposed to be together. What if they try to…"
Don spoke quickly to calm his brother because he could see the sudden flash of alarm in his face.
"Relax Charlie. This whole thing will be over tonight. It might even be over with right now. Pretoria, the hit man Saborgia hired, was spotted at Saborgia's mansion. Megan and David are leading a tactical unit to arrest both of them. We have direct evidence that ties Pretoria to the explosion and with your help we can prove that Saborgia was paying the FBI mole as well as the LAPD officers and the judge. The team has a warrant to go through Saborgia's mansion to collect enough evidence to put him away for a very long time and Pretoria will be charged with attempted murder."
Don's words did not seem to ease Charlie's anxiety, but rather to increase it.
"Oh God. Can you call Megan and check on the team? Please, Don, just find out if the raid went all right."
"Charlie, what is going on? Why do you think that there could be a problem with the raid?"
A deep voice from the doorway startled both of them.
"Because, there was a problem. Charlie, do you know why Alto DiBenedetto's men were at Saborgia's mansion? Did you know that they would be there tonight?"
David Sinclair looked like hell as he walked into the room.
"Is everyone all right?"
David just stared at Charlie. His emotions were tangled and he didn't trust himself to speak at that moment. Charlie had obviously been seriously beaten and he hated to see his young friend that way, but he also had a bad feeling that Charlie might have been responsible for the complications that occurred tonight. The emotion that was strongest was anger; not at Charlie but at himself. He had known that Charlie had tried to find out information on Saborgia and now in retrospect probably Alto DiBenedetto to use against them. He should have reported this activity to Megan. He should have kept a closer eye on what the young genius was actually doing. David had a pretty good idea what had happened but he wanted to be sure.
"Charlie, did Alto DiBenedetto do this to you?"
Don turned so quickly in his chair to look at David that the shocked expression on his face quickly turned to a grimace of pain because the movement sent a stab of sharp pain through his head. Don held his head between his hands for a second then asked, "David, what are you talking about? What happened?"
David placed a hand on Don's shoulder but never took his eyes off of Charlie.
"Charlie, did you leave the safe house to meet with Alto DiBenedetto?"
Charlie was dead pale now and had started to shake slightly. "What happened? Was anyone on the team hurt? Please, David, tell me what happened?"
"Before we arrived at Saborgia's mansion Alto DiBenedetto and several of his men turned up. There was an intense firefight that left Saborgia and all of his men dead along with at least one of DiBenedetto's. Megan's team tried to take down DiBenedetto and his men when they came out of the house and another firefight ensued. There were causalities on both sides of that fight."
Don looked from David to Charlie. His heart leapt in his throat when he heard that there were FBI casualties. "Who?" was all he asked.
David answered Don but never took his eyes off Charlie's whose had begun to tear up.
"Crystal Weise was shot in the hip. She was taken to Mercy for treatment." David paused before continuing. Both Charlie and Don could see the pain and sorrow cloud his eyes. "Dan Hodges is dead."
Alan and Don both shouted at this news. "No!" "Oh my God" and Charlie looked stricken but couldn't seem to find the words to speak. He tried to say something, he moved his mouth but only a strangled sound uttered forth. Hot tears rolled down Charlie's face as the ramifications of his actions hit him like a freight train.
"It's all my fault." he whispered.
Alan moved to his son's side and took his hand but Charlie pulled away from his father's comforting gesture. "What do you mean, Charlie? How is this your fault?"
It took Charlie a moment to gather his thoughts and make his voice work. "I found out that Anthony Saborgia had been embezzling money from his uncle for the last four years. I contacted Alto DiBenedetto to trade that information for the contract on our lives. Because of the information that I gave to Alto DiBenedetto he went to confront Saborgia. If I hadn't done that then they wouldn't have been there and Dan wouldn't… he wouldn't be dead. I… God help me this is all my doing. I didn't know that you were going there. I… I…"
Charlie never finished what he was saying and he began to wretch. Dr. Belton who had left when Charlie's family entered the room was still standing near by and saw that her patient was in distress. She grabbed an emeses basin from the counter as she ran into the room and unceremoniously pushed past Alan. She thrust the pan under Charlie's chin instructing Alan to hold it as she reached for a large 4X4 gauze pad and held it over Charlie's left eye as he continued to throw up.
"Mr. Eppes you stay and hold that pan, everybody else out now! Jackie!" Dr. Belton called to a nurse passing by outside the room. "Contact CT. I want another head scan and a new set of rib films. Get me some compazine for him and contact Dell Burton. I want him evaluated tonight."
She turned her attention back to her patient and soothingly rubbed his back while still gently holding the gauze bandage over his eye. Once he had stopped throwing up he lay back against the stretcher panting and pale. He was obviously in extreme pain from his broken ribs and couldn't seem to catch his breath. Dr. Belton looked up at Alan to explain what she had ordered.
"The compazine is for the nausea which is a common side effect to a head trauma. I want to make sure that no further damage was done to his eye because of the strain. Throwing up can create a lot of pressure and could cause more damage to the eye itself as well as the damaged floor of the orbit. Dell Burton is the surgeon who is on call tonight. I want him to view the x-rays and examine Charlie just to make sure that this episode didn't cause any serious complications."
She looked down at Charlie and saw tears running down his face from his right eyes. He looked pale and stricken. This episode was not simply caused by trauma induced nausea. Something else had caused her patient's distress. She looked up at Alan and asked pointedly, "What happened here? He is obviously upset about something."
Alan didn't know what to say. He certainly didn't want to tell her anything that the FBI would consider classified.
"A friend of his was killed tonight. He just found out."
Charlie seemed to respond to his father's words by moaning first then he shot forward again as dry heaves began.
"Where is that compazine!" Dr. Belton shouted, as the nursed she had spoken to rushed into the room.
The nurse put the medication into Charlie's IV and the effect was immediate. He stopped retching and lay back heavily against the back of the bed. The drug seemed to make him very sleepy but that didn't stop him from moaning slightly between pants. Dr. Belton instructed the nurse to stay with the patient as she led Alan out of the room and over to where Don and David were speaking in quite tones.
"Please come to my office!"
Alan took the back of Don's chair and followed the doctor with David trailing along behind. She had pointedly looked at each of them in turn when she commanded that they come to her office and so David simply obeyed. Once they were inside Dr. Belton closed the door and turned to face the three men standing there.
"Telling Charlie that someone he cared about was killed this evening was not a wise choice. His condition is not stable enough for him to be put under that kind of stress. When he began to throw up it created pressure in his damaged eye socket and could easily have caused further injury. I am having him evaluated tonight by our on-call surgeon to make sure that irreparable damage has not been done."
Alan was alarmed by those words and the angry tone in this doctor's voice. "Irreparable? My God he isn't going to lose his eye sight is he?"
She fixed him with a stern stare then turned it to David. He must be the one who had brought this dire news to her patient. She could tell that he was also an FBI agent. He still had his tactical unit jacket on that read FBI in large bold white letters on the front and back.
"Agent…"
"Sinclair, ma'am"
"Agent Sinclair, my patient has been severely beaten. He has several broken ribs that could have punctured his lung with the forceful retching that he just experienced. He has suffered a violent trauma to his head and eye and while I'm not a specialist in ophthalmology I can tell you that there is a danger of permanent damage. To bring highly stressful news to someone in his condition is… Well frankly Agent Sinclair it is simply intolerable. I am going to ask that you leave. If you need to confer with your co-worker you must do so away from my patient."
She turned and opened her office door without looking back or waiting for a reply. David felt terrible. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Charlie. His own self anger stepped up a notch and he left without saying anything else to Alan or Don. He didn't want to face him at that moment.
Megan contacted David after she had spoken to Dan's family. She wanted to check on Crystal and Charlie. David explained that they should meet at Mercy to see Crystal first. Charlie's condition was stable and his doctor wasn't allowing any visitors outside of Don and Alan.
Crystal was in surgery to have the bullet removed from her hip. Luckily it had not damaged the bone too seriously; only a small chip from the outer edge of the top of the femur. The bullet had missed her femoral artery and the prognosis was excellent.
David sat Megan down in the small cafeteria to tell her about what had happened to Charlie both at the hands of DiBenedetto's men and when he had arrived and asked him about how he had acquired his injuries. David also told her about the fact that he had caught Charlie investigating Saborgia illegally and worked out a compromise with him to use the information to tack the mole. He thought that Charlie had given up on his original endeavor after he was allowed to work on the case fining the mole.
Megan sat back in her chair and didn't say anything far a few minutes. She was still raw with emotion over Dan's death and having to break that news to his wife. She felt responsible for his death. She was in tactical command of that operation. It was a bad call to allow her people to engage with armed men without adequate cover. She had allowed her need to capture the mob boss over rule her caution for her people. Charlie's actions complicated things, that was certainly true. If it hadn't been for him then Alto DiBenedetto wouldn't have been there. The operation could have as easily gone badly with or without DiBenedetto's presence. Those vehicles that DiBenedetto parked in the drive did offer cover that would not otherwise have been there for half of her team.
Every different scenario played through her head in the few minutes that she sat holding a cup of coffee and staring into space. David could see that she was processing all of the information that he had given her and waited patiently for her to berate him for his decision to keep what Charlie was doing to himself. Finally Megan looked directly at David and spoke in a low voice.
"This case and all of its complexities, the horror that we have all faced has led everyone to make mistakes; me, you, Charlie. We can't sit around assigning blame to everyone for oversights or errors in judgment or we would never get anything done. Even if DiBenedetto's men weren't at that house the risks were still there. Saborgia actually had more men on site than DiBenedetto. I think that Alto was able to take them all out because they were taken completely by surprise. It is possible that we faced a less dangerous situation because of DiBenedetto rather than the other way round, but we will never really know that. If I had deployed people differently, Dan might still be alive, or someone else might be dead, but again we'll never really know. It has been an all around crap day and it isn't over yet."
Megan took a long pull from her coffee cup. She looked as tired and drained as David felt. He appreciated her view of the overall situation. She was right assigning blame at this point would serve no purpose. He reached over and touched her hand lightly.
"Let's get back to the office and get some of the paperwork started on this mess. It will take forensics at least until morning to collect and catalogue everything. I contacted the DA and was able to get a warrant for DiBenedetto's home based on the gunshot residue found on his hands and the gun in his pocket. A team is already there collecting as much evidence as they can. Who knows, hopefully between what we find at Saborgia's and DiBenedetto's we may just be able to put this entire family away for the rest of their lives.
Don and Alan waited anxiously for word on Charlie from Dr. Burton. He spent a long time examining him and going over the x-rays with Dr. Belton. Don asked his father to take him back up to the isolation ward so that he could take his medication and let his nurse fill out her report, but as soon as the shift change happened he planned on going right back down to the emergency room.
Dr. Belton met with them shortly after they returned from the isolation ward. Her mood was greatly improved and both of the Eppes men sense that she was going to give them good news.
"Dr. Burton is satisfied that Charlie did not do any further damage to his eye when he became ill. His rib fractures remain unchanged and have not caused any damage to his lungs. I have given him a mild analgesic for the pain. I don't want to give him anything stronger until tomorrow because of the head injury. I am sorry about my ire earlier; I was acting out of concern for my patient."
"There is no need to apologize, Dr. Belton. Both his brother and I deeply appreciate what you are doing for Charlie."
"I have arranged for Charlie to be moved up to the isolation ward with you, Agent Eppes. There are vacancies there and I thought that he would be more comfortable if you were near by."
Don was very grateful to this woman and thanked her for her consideration. After another hour of observation down in the emergency department under the watchful eye of Dr. Belton she signed his transport papers to be moved to the forth floor. Charlie was pretty much out of it most of the time because of the compazine. He never lost consciousness but he was groggy enough that he had to be asked questions several times before he could register the question and then answer it.
Once they had Charlie all settled in a bed in the same room Don had occupied for the past week the midnight nursing staff insisted that Don get changed and also get into bed, pointing out to him that he was still a patient and needed to try to follow some rules. Trip came up to the ward as the nursing staff was helping Don get out of his clothes and offered to take Alan home.
"Are we going back to the safe house?"
"Yes but only to get the rest of your things, and then I'll take you to your own home. Matt, Jess and I will stay with you through the night and bring you back here in the morning. The rest of my team will be heading back to Maryland tomorrow morning."
Alan said good night to both of his boys and left with the NSA agent. He had mixed feelings about leaving the hospital. He didn't want to let his boys out of his sight at this point, but he also couldn't wait to walk through the door of his own home without a death threat hanging over all of them. He consoled himself in the knowledge that he had to prepare the house for both of his son's return home. He would have to take care of both of them and started mentally going through his list of friends and family to determine who he would call in for help.
Charlie was quiet most of the night. He was waked every couple of hours by the nursing staff and asked several questions. At around five in the morning Don became aware that he was awake but he didn't know what had roused him. He listened to the soft chatter of the midnight staff speaking in low tones out at the unit desk then he heard a soft sob. He carefully got out of his bed and wobbled the three steps it took him to move over to Charlie. He sat on the edge of the bed and touched his younger brother's face.
"Charlie?"
"I can't live with this, Don. It's my fault that Dan is dead. He had a wife and three small children. He talked about his baby to dad a lot."
Charlie turned to look at his brother and Don's heart ached to see the hollow nearly dead void now occupying his normally expressive eyes.
"Adam will never grow up to know his father because of me. Ally and Emily will never see their daddy again because of me. When I was lying on the ground Alto put a gun to my head…"
Charlie stopped and Don watched as more tears fell while his brother wrestled with what he wanted to say.
"…I wish he had pulled the trigger."
"Oh God, Charlie, no don't say that. Don't feel that. Look it's terrible that Dan was killed; it's not fair that his kids will grow up without him, but he wouldn't want you to feel this way. He wouldn't blame you, Charlie. He knew the risks when he became an agent. I know that sounds cold, but listen to me; I face those risks the same as David, or Megan or Colby or any of us. I wouldn't want you to blame yourself if it had been me. Neither would David or Megan, none of us would. You didn't know that the tac team was going there. It's not like you planned this."
"I know, Don. And you're right about Dan. He wouldn't blame me…
…but I do."
With that Charlie turned his face away from his brother.
"Charlie…"
"Go back to bed, Don. I can't talk about this right now; I just have to feel what I'm feeling."
Don realized that Charlie wasn't going to say anything else so he slowly got up and moved back to his own bed. Never in all of his life would he have thought he would hear Charlie wish that he was dead. He didn't know what to do about it. Finally he pushed the call bell and when the nurse came in he asked her to help him get up. He needed to move. He could think better if he were moving.
She helped him into a wheel chair and he made his way out to the unit desk and asked if he could use the phone. He knew it was early but he had to speak to someone about Charlie. He was terrified by his despondency and realized that he had forgotten to make this call earlier in the night anyway.
"Hello?" came the sleepy voice.
"Larry, its Don; I need to talk to you about Charlie."
P A/N – Some of you have wished me well on the job search. I thank you for that concern so cross your fingers. I interviewed for a position with a rural hospital about 33 miles from my home. It is a Monday – Friday overnight shift. That could actually work out quite well for me because by the time I get home from work the kids are in school/daycare and the husband is at work. I could actually get 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep on a regular basis! I haven't had that in well over a year. Then when I get up I spend the evening with the family and don't go to work until well after the kids go to bed. When it gets slow during the night shift I could actually spend that time writing! So everyone say a prayer that I get offered this job instead of the other two candidates!
