Evaluate This!
Chapter 15
The Empire Strikes Back
Muhahahaha
Hermione avoided Draco for the next week and a half—as well as anyone in her situation could, that is. After all, they sat together at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They lived together in a very small space—any space becomes considerably smaller when one is avoiding said person. And to top it off, the physiologists had struck once more.
And this time, they had a plan.
Ms. Danna observed the two families that she had called before her. Her office was cold, lit only by a fire at the far end—an unusual fire, as it flicked tendrils of flame in the most peculiar shades of black obsidian.
She leaned back and observed her prey. Most of the students refused to meet her eye. Only one did. The one she would have to break.
"Ms. De'Lunic, do you have anything to say before I start?"
Miriam shook her head. Harry, who was sitting next to her shivered as the psychologist's eyes remained glued on Miriam, unblinking. He gulped, swallowed, shuffled. The annoying silence making him and the rest of his fellow students restless and jumpy.
Which was exactly what Ms. Danna wanted.
"I have a question for you…" Ms. Danna looked each student in the eye. "You all know why Mr. McGale and myself are here, at this school, do you not?"
They nodded.
Ms. Danna's eyebrows rose a fraction of an inch, she leaned forward and fixed them each with a piercing look. "You do?"
Blaise shook his head, no, rapidly. Pansy followed suit. But Harry only stared at the floor. Counting the fibers in the rug.
"Mr. Potter." The voice was cold as glacial ice—the kind that damages nerves with the slightest touch.
Harry raised his eyes. "Yes?"
"Do you know why Mr. McGale and myself are here? For what purpose we were sent?"
Harry glared. "Yep."
"Do you care to inform your ignorant classmates of the reason you presume we are here?"
"Nope."
"I see." Ms. Danna uncapped an angel white quill, opened the bottle of "My Eyes Only Ink" dipped the quill daintily into the bottle. The tip hovered over the paper. "Are you sure Mr. Potter?"
Harry smirked. "Positive, Ms. Danna."
The students watched as several notes were jotted down. Pansy craned her neck to see what was written…and being the slow type, was very confused at what she saw.
On the paper, in stiff letters was written:
Mister Quaky Duck on voyage to Griswold Horal Palace, Horticulture cream filling. Blueberry topping, oiled to a complete crisp. Ideals of inherent culture and tradition…
A very confused Pansy shook her head. Turning to Blaise she whispered. "I don't get it, I thought she was writing something about Potter. But it's about Mr. Quaky Duck."
Blaise shook his head and rubbed his hand over his forehead. "Pansy. Face the damn wall."
"But Blaise, maybe Mr. Quaky Duck is Potter's real name!"
"That would be the day, wouldn't it Pansy?" Charlotte asked, speaking for the first time.
"Hey, Potter!" she called over to Harry. "Is your real name Quaky Duck?"
Harry's mouth dropped open in horror. "How did you know?"
Charlotte nodded to Pansy. "Miss Genius over here found you out. You might want to hide."
Harry nodded, rolling his eyes as he sat back.
"I knew it." Pansy whispered in triumph.
Hermione sat next to Draco as Mr. McGale handed them each a packet of paper.
"Each of you will be receiving these. Ms. Danna is also passing these out." He finished handing out the packets and neatly stacked the remainder before setting them on his desk.
He yawned. "Now, I want you all to take a moment to read the first paragraph, describing what will be going on."
Hermione took the moment presented as Mr. McGale looked away to scoot further away from Draco. Flipping open the cover she read the first page.
Adamo Noctic; Matrimonium
History of the Adamo Noctis potion: Demens Mulier, which is Latin for insane woman, invented Adamo Noctis in the late 1500's. Demens was an unhappy and very radical witch for her age, she had had several bachelors but all had fallen to death before the nuptials could be completed. Kairo Boleina was her first suitor; he was gutted by his ex-girlfriend Katrina Vilmes (earliest Azkaban prisoner). Pathos De'Mure was the second; he was eaten by a Horned Dragon. After suffering the heartache and taking the criticism of the town in which she lived, Demens moved to the Dormant Mountains in Gal. There she became a recluse, only coming out to buy more ingredients—ingredients that were used to make the Adamo Noctic potion.
Uses of the Adamo Noctis potion: The Adamo Noctis potion was constructed under tears of pain and lonely nights, emotions that make this potion very powerful and very dangerous. There have been many major catastrophes associated with Adamo Noctis, more commonly known as the Matrimonium potion—the marriage potion.
Hermione looked up and glanced at Draco, just in time to see a green sheen overcome his pale face. She couldn't help but grin.
"I assume you've finished reading?" Mr. McGale asked from his desk.
Hermione nodded. "Oh yes. But, I do not understand what this has to do with anything. Or why it is even relevant. Or what it has to do with anyone in this castle. Or…"
"That's quite enough Ms. Granger. And to answer your questions—the reason Ms. Danna and myself are here is rather simple. To observe the students under stress, to record, and to undermine all the qualities taught to you by your parents, your instructors, your peers, and most importantly yourself. In all, we are to strip the students of all barriers and observe the raw animal instincts that lie beneath."
"Well, that's putting it bluntly."
"Who cares about that, it's sadistic!" Draco moaned. "They're going to make me marry Pansy!"
"Oh quit your whining." Hermione flipped the packet to the next page.
Draco sat up straight and glared. "I'd like to see you marry that thing!"
Hermione didn't answer and Draco went back to sulking. Mr. McGale smiled from behind his own packet.
A few minutes later, the psychiatrist laid the packet back down. "Any questions?"
Hermione scanned the paper again before looking up. "Yeah. If you're going to do this, is it really going to be all that more effective to have you and Ms. Danna pick our "partners" than say, Dumbledore?"
Mr. McGale scratched his chin. "Well, that is a very good question Ms. Granger. I'll have to get back to you on that one. Well, if that's all, you two may leave. As Head Boy and Girl, I expect you to be the role models for the school."
Hermione shook her head in disgust, stood and marched out the door. Draco exited right behind her.
"What's the rush?"
"Well, I thought I'd go get some of that everlasting film and buy a camera so that I can photograph your wedding."
"That's just cold."
"Well I'm not feeling so warm and fuzzy at the moment." Draco mumbled something.
"What was that?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing."
The two walked to their common room in silence.
Harry, Miriam, Charlotte, Pansy, and Blaise left Ms. Danna's office in a daze.
"I can't believe this." Blaise said.
"Well, believe it." Charlotte grumbled.
Pansy was the only one whose daze was one of complete and utter happiness. She skipped down the corridor ahead of them all, humming 'here comes the bride'.
"That's just sick." Harry grumbled.
"This whole thing is sick and the fact that she's humming is just downright disgusting."
Miriam clenched her fists. "I don't believe what Ms. Danna said. How can experiencing marriage to someone you didn't chose constitute a positive experience? Sounds more like hell to me."
"I believe that's what she's aiming for." Charlotte mused as she twisted her hair into a bun. "Understand this, everything we're going through is for their own sick amusement. Nothing else."
"Whose sick amusement?" The group turned to see Ron, leaning against the wall.
"Have you had your evaluation yet with your psychologist yet?"
Ron shook his head. "I was supposed to, with Mr. McGale and Hermione. But I was in the hospital wing, so I guess I got excused or whatever. So what's going on?"
Harry sighed. "We're getting married."
Ron stood there, lost for a second, a worried look on his face.
Harry shook his head. "Not you and me Ron. The psychologists are all going to pair us off and give us a taste of the married life. Personally, I think they just have a sick sense of humor."
"A really, really, really sick sense of humor." Miriam growled. "Demented even, after all, who gets to pick who we marry? One guess. Them! Sadistic bastards."
"Oh." Ron said, relieved. "For a second there mate, I thought I had to marry you."
"Well, I'm sorry you were confused there, Ron my boy." Charlotte rolled her eyes, her voice seeping with deadly sweet sarcasm. "But we really have to be going." She pushed by him, snagging Harry and Miriam by the arms as she went.
"Bye." Harry waved to Ron as he was pulled away.
When Charlotte was sure they were safely away from the somewhat dumb Ron, she stopped, releasing her captives.
"So…" Harry glanced around. "Did you want to talk about something?"
Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Always stating the obvious, aren't we Potter?"
Harry shrugged, "Awkward silence, didn't like, explanation provided, moving on." Harry grinned. "That is, if you're done berating me yet."
Charlotte grimaced. "You think you're so funny, don't you." She paused. "But yes, I'm done with you. But not with them."
Miriam yawned. "Them?"
"This whole marriage thing." Charlotte withdrew the packet she'd been given. "Isn't there some law against this, this has got to be illegal. Most of the castle is underage for Merlin's sake!"
Thoughtfully, Harry flipped through his own packet. "I'm not sure."
Miriam sighed. "Give that to me." Snagging Harry's packet Miriam turned a few pages.
"This is all technical jargon crap."
"That none of us speak." Harry stated. "Well, all but one that is."
Charlotte smiled. "You're a genius!"
"'Bout time you noticed."
Snagging the two again, they took off towards the Heads dormitories.
"Malfoy," Hermione managed through gritted teeth. "Just shut up, I'm tired of hearing it!"
"Shut up? You are telling me to shut up? How can you!"
Hermione pulled the pillow away from her face. "You want to know how I can tell you to freaking shut up? It is because you've been screaming about this for the last hour and a half and my ears, Malfoy, are about to fall off."
"Well good!" Draco screamed. "It would be an improvement." Draco knew that that was not the smartest thing he'd ever said and it really hit home when the pillow Hermione had been used to block him out was used instead, to dislodge some of his brain cells.
The pillow fell to the floor with a thud. Draco blinked a few times and Hermione took the few precious seconds of silence—reveling in their utter simplicity…before it started again.
"I have to marry Pansy!" Draco sunk to his knees and began pounding his head on the floor.
Hermione shook her head and watched the spectacle. "Oh jeez, get up you idiot. You don't know that you have to marry Pansy yet."
Draco looked up, his face horrified. "Oh yes I do."
Crossing her arms, Hermione peered down at the hysterical blond. "Okay then. How do you know? Did you suddenly become clairvoyant or were you doused in radioactive material as a child?" she paused, observing him for a second. "Come to think of it, that last one couldn't be too far from the truth. You are a freak of nature."
Draco shook his head furiously. "Say what you like, insult me, you aren't the one who has to marry Pansy!"
Hermione nodded slowly. "Oh yeah, silly me, for a second there I thought that I had to. My bad."
Draco crawled to his feet. "This whole thing is because of her. I know it. It's because of her this whole stupid thing is happening."
"Possibly."
"Not possibly, my dear, it is."
Hermione threw up her hands. "Fine, Malfoy... but the next time you call me dear, you are going to regret it."
Draco perked for a moment. "Really? Does it include death? Like, instant? Say, before I marry Pansy?"
"Now why would I do that? I'd really be missing the greatest thing to happen in this school for a very long time. Fred and George couldn't even top it."
Draco bit his bottom lip. "Dear."
Hermione grimaced.
"Dear, dear, dear…" Draco watched as Hermione turned away. "My dear." He whispered. Hermione spun around—her face calm and composed.
"What did you say?"
Draco smirked. "I called you 'my dear'."
"That's what I thought. Well, as much as the thought of murdering you pleases me at the moment, seeing you being married off to Pansy is even more so. Well, that will definitely be the highlight of my life." She sighed dramatically. "And get it straight, I am NOT your anything—got it Malfoy?"
"Oh? You're not? My mistake. I could have sworn you were mine."
Hermione shook her head. "That's it." And she lunged.
"Did you hear something?"
"Eh?"
Miriam shook her head. "Be quiet."
A loud crash came from behind the door, followed by a fit of cursing.
Harry grimaced as he heard Hermione's voice. "Err, that doesn't sound too good."
"Maybe we should come back later?" Miriam bit her lip as the ground shook under her feet. "A lot later."
"Well, I'd say that prick's getting what he deserves." Charlotte grinned. "About time too."
Harry looked over at her. "I don't get it. You keep hinting at these things. Is there something going on that I don't know about?" He looked at both the Slytherins. "That I should know about?"
Charlotte shook her head. "No."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive, now shut up." She knocked on the portrait three times. The cursing and the banging and the crashing and everything stopped. A few minutes later the door opened.
Draco stuck his head out of the portrait. "What the hell do you want?"
Charlotte pushed past him. "Get out of my way."
Draco sulked by the door as Harry and Miriam entered.
"Is Hermione here?"
Draco shrugged. "She was."
"Oh, well don't you look pretty in purple. What did you say? I told you that big mouth of yours would get you in trouble someday."
Draco grumbled something inaudible.
"What was that? I couldn't hear you, is your face too swollen to speak audibly?"
Draco frowned. "Merlin, you two aren't cousins, you're freaking clones!" Charlotte laughed and Draco stalked from the room. "And I thought the Mr. McGale was sadistic. Boy was I wrong." He slammed the door to his room closed.
"Wow. Drama, drama, drama."
Harry shook his head. "You better believe it."
Charlotte took in the room. "Hermione sure did lose it, didn't she?"
Miriam looked at the scattered books and chairs, the upturned table. "That had to hurt."
"What hurt?" Hermione asked, entering the common room.
Miriam shook her head. "Oh nothing."
"Do you guys need something?"
Harry nodded. "We wanted your help on something."
Charlotte, who had still been assessing the damage, looked up. "Yes, this whole marriage thing." Pulling the packet out. "What the hell is this? Isn't there some law against it? I don't want to be married to someone they choose. Is it permanent?" She took a breath for air.
"Charlotte, I get it."
"Are you sure? 'Cause I've got more."
Hermione shook her head. "Come on. Sit down and I'll help you out."
The three sat on the couch and Hermione returned the table to its rightful position.
"Okay. So, first off, no—there is no law against the use of Adamo Noctic; Matrimonium. The reason for that is that the potion is actually more of a substitute for the real thing, an experience if you will."
"Eh?"
"Okay." Hermione ran her hand through her hair, gathering it back and securing it into a bun. "Demens, the woman who invented the potion was…very bitter and very, well, insane. The fact that she never did get to marry, even though she'd been proposed to is what pretty much drove her to make it. The thing is that you can't force marriage on someone, a real, binding, forever, unbreakable bond. You can't do that without the consent of both people."
"Which the psychiatrists do not have. So they can't do this." Harry looked relieved.
Hermione shook her head. "That is why they are using Adamo Noctic. It is not a real marriage, and it is not forever binding. It will bind you to a person for only a few weeks. I believe two at the most. What it does is simulate affection between the two drinkers of the potion."
"Oh Merlin!"
The four students looked towards Malfoy's closed door. Charlotte grinned. "He's about to die, isn't he."
Hermione smiled slyly. "If only. Now, any other questions?"
Miriam looked up. "Why exactly are they doing this?"
Hermione shook her head, a small smile on her face. "Imagine this. A box full of starved rats, throw in some cheese, sit back, and observe."
"We're fucked." Harry leaned back. "Who's going to be my lucky lady?"
"That, my friend, is the ultimate question, isn't it?"
The silence was broken by the soft whispers coming from a certain blond Slytherin's closed door. "Not Pansy. Not Pansy. Not Pansy…"
The four looked at each other before breaking out with laughter.
By dinnertime, Draco had still not come out of his room. Hermione paced the common room before making up her mind. Walking to his door, she knocked.
"What?"
"When are you going to come out of there?"
"You said this thing would last for two weeks?"
"Most likely."
"Well, the answer was in the question."
Hermione sighed. "You're not coming out then?"
"Boy, when did you grow a brain?"
"I'm not the one who's going to hide for two weeks." Hermione waited, but Malfoy stayed quiet. "I think the next time Pansy comes around knocking I'll let her in. Once she's in here, she'll have no trouble getting through this door."
As she'd hoped, the door swung open and a very appalled Malfoy rushed out, taking her by the shoulders. "No! Don't do that, I'll be good, but Merlin, don't do that. I'll jump out the window again. And that time I'll make sure I have a couple of metal stakes to land on."
Hermione smirked. "Well, I got you out of there, didn't I? You can contemplate the painful landing later. Dinner is calling and I'm hungry. Come."
The two made their way to the Great Hall, Malfoy pausing outside the entrance.
"What now?"
"Is she in there?"
Sighing, Hermione peeked around the corner and scanned the hall. "Nope."
"You're lying. She doesn't pass up the opportunity of food."
Hermione shook her head. "I swear, it's one of those rare occasions that she isn't in there. I promise."
Draco peered around the corner and sighed with relief.
Hermione grinned as they walked to their table. "You want to know something?"
"What?"
"Pansy probably wanted to look good in her wedding dress. You know, drop a few pounds."
Draco paled. "That wasn't funny."
Blaise smacked his back as Draco sat down. "Yes, it was. And I have to agree with Granger. Most likely, that is the reason she isn't here. She wouldn't be able to contain herself—and then her dream of being thinner for her wedding day would be a thing of the past."
Hermione and Blaise laughed as the plates appeared. The three ate silently until Dumbledore rose from his seat.
"Students. I have an announcement to make. First off, all of you of age—that is fourth years and up—have been informed of your upcoming nuptials." Dumbledore, never a man to ruin a good joke, chuckled. "Per request of your counselors, your upcoming partner will be told to each of you individually. Now, to make this as close to reality as possible, you will be planning, executing, and living out the wedding and marriage with your soon-to-be-announced partner.
By that, I mean that once you have been informed of your partner you two are to get together and plan first, the wedding. The wedding details will be explained fully to each of you later, but for example you will have to pick location, guests, flowers, and decorations. Anything you want will be provided—of course, I must stave off any of you who want to go out of country for your wedding, you'll have to suffice with the grounds and towns around Hogwarts. " Dumbledore paused and a few squeals of delight could be heard around the room. "After that you will be living as a couple, however, you will be couples in your respectable families—as a compromising marriage you must decide together which family you both will join. Other than that, I have been informed that you should go to your assigned counselor in your assigned groups after dinner. That is all."
"Wow. They're really going all out on this one aren't they?" Ginny asked, sitting down next to Hermione.
"Very true."
Ginny waited a second. "So, who do you think you'll be with?"
Hermione shook her head. "No idea."
"Are you excited?"
"No."
"I am."
"Well, you're normal."
"And you're not?"
"Nope."
Ginny rolled her eyes. "Well, there goes my family. I'll see you later!"
Hermione finished her dinner before making her way to the psychiatrists' office, joining the line outside. To her surprise, Malfoy was already in line.
"Didn't think you'd show."
"I didn't have a choice. For your information, I wasn't going to, but Ms. Danna pulled me here and told me that if I left, she'd make sure that my marriage was a living hell. Like it won't be married to that thing already." Draco shuddered and pointed to the person who was first in line. Pansy.
It wasn't long before the students were being ushered in, one by one. Draco grimaced as Pansy waved to him before closing the door behind him. "If there is a god, please let him intervene."
Hermione patted him on the back. "Be a champ."
"A champ?"
"Oh, never mind."
"What's a champ?"
"Muggle term you idiot. You wouldn't understand."
"Are you saying I'm too stupid to understand your pathetic muggle dialect?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying."
"But, w-"
"Look, it's your turn. Now be good. Don't bite." And with that she gave him a nice hard shove into hell.
"Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Malfoy." Ms. Danna's long bony fingers ran down her list. "Oh yes. Pansy Parkinson."
Draco stood there, a blank look on his face.
"You may go."
"Are you sure?"
"Excuse me?"
Draco remained composed. "Are you sure it says Parkinson?"
"Positive."
"Ms. Granger." Ms. Danna looked down at her papers. Behind her Mr. McGale was yawning. "You are a special case. We decided that you should be more a coordinator of this, to make sure it isn't a fiasco."
Hermione's jaw dropped. "You mean, I'm to remain unmarried."
"That's correct, Ms. Granger."
"Thank you." Hermione stood, taking the expected information and rule packets from Ms. Danna and left the room with a smile.
"Harry." Mr. McGale shook his hand. "Congratulations we have you paired with Miriam De'Lunic."
"Ms. Weasley, your partner is Blaise Zabini."
"Charlotte." Mr. McGale looked only slightly fearful as he looked at Charlotte.
"Don't even say it."
"Your partner is…"
"You're really going to regret it if the name that comes out of your mouth rhymes with measly."
"Ron Weasley."
Draco was waiting for Hermione when she came out.
"What are you smiling for?"
"No reason."
"Yeah right, who do you have to marry?"
Hermione smirked. "Not Pansy. Where is she by the way? You two should start getting cozy."
Draco made a face. "I'd rather—uh oh!"
A very crazy female, known to many as Pansy, was sighted down the corridor. All would have remained well, except for the fact that not only had she been spotted, but she had spotted her to-be-husband.
"Drakie!"
"Oh fuck!" Draco pushed Hermione in front of the oncoming Pansy and dashed away.
Carefully maneuvering out of harms way, Hermione turned. "You can't run forever!" She called after the fleeing Slytherin.
"So, I guess we got off easy. We get along pretty well, right?" Harry watched his shoes as he and Miriam walked down the hallway.
"Yeah. We're lucky. Charlotte, though I don't like her, is stuck with my darling cousin Ron. That match, is well, going to be interesting."
Just then, a streak of blond and black rushed passed them, screaming.
"What's he running from?"
"Drakie! Come back! I won't make you wear a pink tux, I promise, just stop running!"
Miriam shook her head. "I don't' think she sounded all that convincing."
"He's still running."
"Oh, he'll be running 'till he collapses."
"Boy, can't you see Malfoy in a pink tux, with frills and ribbons?"
Miriam grinned. "Watch what you say boyo, I'm partial to my men wearing feminine colors."
Harry paled and scooted over a small bit, intent on keeping at least three feet between them while she had that grin on her face.
But that was only the beginning of what was to come. If he'd known to at the time, Harry would have been running for the hills…pink suits being the least of his worries.
