Chapter 4

Troy's p.o.v

I'd be lying if I said that by making out with Ryan, I proved to myself that I was indeed straight. If any thing touching Ryan, made parts of me feel alive, in a way that Gabbi could never do. When it comes to other girls, I can always fall back on the fact that I love Gabriella, I could always say, no to temptation because I knew that she loved me. But kissing Ryan, was so, different. When my lips meet Ryan's, I forgot who Gabriella was. What happened earlier today was, unexplainable, it was like nothing else, I've ever experienced. But what does that mean? Does that mean I'm gay? God, I thought figuring out girls was complicated. I can't imagine, Ryan having to go through this alone. Even though I crave Ryan's touch, Gabriella has my heart. I'm so torn in between my feelings. I'm about to get up and throw away my food, when Nicole comes and sits down next to me. She's smiling.

"Hey" I say weakly

"Hi. Where's your group?" she ask

It takes me a second to realize that she's talking about the campers.

"Oh, um Ryan took them to the lake with Chuck." I say

"Oh, mine's with Erica and Lynn." She says "it's so weird, how they just reassigned me last minute like that" she says.

She's quiet, because she's waiting for a response.

"What?" I ask

"Never mind" she says and starts poking at her food

I feel bad, that I'm not really paying attention, but who cares about kids at a time like this? The last thing on my mind is how my group is doing. Nicole notices me staring into outer space.

"Lot on your mind?" she ask

"Too much" I say and sigh

Then suddenly, I feel her leg rub against mine.

"Any way, I can help?" she asks and winks

Ryan's p.o.v

"Ryan, you gonna go in?" Chuck asks

I shake my head and continue to play with the grass under my hands. God, Ryan, you really screwed yourself over this time. Why did you let it get that far? Now he's gonna want to come to you whenever, he feels horny or needs to talk. Both of which, I prefer he'd handle, without me. And why didn't you say stop? That question has been running through my head since this morning. What was stopping you? He gave you the chance to end it right there, but you didn't. Do you have feelings for him? I actually have to laugh at myself for this one. Yeah, me falling for Troy, that'll never happen. But then I stop. And say to myself

"You said the same thing in the mirror last night, and look where that got you."

I let out a loud sigh and lay on my back. Right now, I could care less about my shirt, getting dirty. It's not like I didn't bring a million shirts. I stare into the clouds.

Maybe I should stop fighting it, I mean, hey, I'm a teenage boy too and it might be fun to have someone to touch and kiss during these 2 months. It sure as hell would be easier to roll with it then it would be to avoid it and cover it up. Maybe it could be fun.

"Reality check, Ry" I tell myself

You know that Troy wouldn't be able to handle a no strings attached purely physical relationship, and honestly, neither would I. I'm mature, not heartless. I can blame that on Sharpay. Even though, we're twins, she's always seemed older than me. I always followed her advice, so when she told me never to give my entire heart to any one, I listened. And I turned down guys that would've been perfect for me. But then along came Zeke and her entire world changed, all of a sudden, I was alone. Left to fend for myself, and that's when it hit me, that I knew nothing about life, except for what sharpay told me. And without her, I was lost. So now I'm jaded. I don't know when to be soft and kind and when to be tough and defensive. God, I'm completely fucked.

I get up and walk to the bathrooms. I'm about to knock on the door, when it swings open and out pops Troy, with Nicole be his side. I feel my heart sink. But why? I don't love Troy Bolton and I sure as hell don't consider myself his boyfriend. So why this aching feeling in my gut, like I've just been stabbed. Why should I care who troy kisses? But I can see troy feels what I feel, because he pushes Nicole away and walks towards me. I push past him and run into the bathroom, I shut and lock the door behind me. I put my back against the door as Troy bangs on the other side.

"Nothing happened, Ryan" he said.

I don't care. I don't! But for whatever reason that made my heart sink, is making tears roll down my face. Stop this! I walk to the mirror and wipe away my tears. I inhale deeply

"Stop being a pussy" I tell myself. I can hear Sharpay in my voice

I shake my head and walk back outside. I see Troy leaning against the wall, waiting. He spots me and grabs my arm.

"Ryan, I swear to god, nothing happened" he says

I try my hardest to look UN fazed. I shrug.

"Troy I really don't care who you go out with. It's not like we're going out or anything" I say as I start walking again. He follows.

"I know, I just thought that, well this morning…" he start

I stop walking and turn to him

"This morning was a mistake. We were both just, testosterone pumped and had to let it out some how" I lie

He looks hurt. He opens his mouth, but no words come out. Oh fuck, Ryan, you really just fucked up. What did I do? Think about it, he's struggling to choose, in between, the girl he loves and if he's gay. This is probably, the hardest thing he'll have to experience and you just basically told him, to fuck off.

"I'm sorry, that's not true" I try to tell him

But it's too late; he turns around and starts walking the other direction. I wanna go after him, but I tell my self not to. This is what you've wanted, to stop all of this from the very start. So now's your chance, let him leave and you go your own way. It's for the best.

"It's for the best" I tell myself

But I can't lie to myself, because, now I know that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I'm falling for Troy Bolton.

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