Disclaimer: I do not own Dragonball Z.
Author's Notes: Just a short update. Nothing like my last update. But I spent part of Thanksgiving writing this, so I decided to put it out. It does get a lot said. Enjoy.
Chapter 25: Not Ready
Jita watched intently, downright nervous, almost scared, for his reaction. She had told him everything about her, and he was so nonjudgmental, so understanding. But still, this was completely different.
Goten scrunched his brow a bit, completely enjoying drawing out the torture. Finally, after he'd had enough satisfaction from her expression, he ended it. "This . . ." he said as Jita leaned forward, "is wonderful."
Jita sat back in relief. "You really think so? You're not just saying that?" she asked as she served her own plate. To which Goten smiled and, more Goku-like than usual Saiyan-like, wolfed the food down. Jita laughed and began to eat as well.
Goten slowed in his eating a bit. "I guess those cooking lessons with Mom really did pay off. It tastes just like Mom's cooking."
"It would have tasted better if I hadn't had to warm it up again when I got here. I thought teleporting would keep it from getting cold, but I was mistaken. And contrary to popular belief, the lessons from Chichi were not that bad. She only acts the way she does to keep control of you men."
"So, you actually got the better end of the deal." Piccolo had actually tried to get Goten to take Pan and Bra for a few hours, but Goten had taken much mischievous satisfaction in telling Piccolo that it would not be honorable to go back on an agreement. Plus, the two girls had practically fallen in love with their new playmate. While Piccolo had been speaking to Goten, the chibis were busy making his cape billow out and making whooshing noises. Jita had actually laughed when Goten had told her that. And that had made it all worthwhile.
Jita filled her plate again. "You should have been there. It will not happen again."
"What makes you think I wasn't there?" Goten smiled at her confused expression. "Why didn't you use ki invisibility, anyway? You didn't use instant transmission, either."
Ki invisibility. A useful, yet draining, technique. Plus you had to be perfectly still. "I needed to conserve energy. Besides, I had no problem with variety and originality."
"Ha! You were pretty dang close to Piccolo in control. It's just that that's his specialty. My dad's the best at everything and he still can't beat Piccolo's ki control."
Jita eyed Goten, noting the bitterness in the last sentence. No matter how much of an anchor Goten seemed to the girl, he still had problems. Parental issues. She got that. Her own father had tried to have her killed and had sold her brother into slavery. Not that Kakarrot was in any way similar to King Vegeta, but she understood Goten's feelings of inferiority. And the feeling of everyone practically worshipping his father and brother. That's how it had been for the first few years of her life - living in the shadows of her father and Vegeta. That's why, despite the strangeness of it all, she was trying to help him. At least he was telling her these things. For some reason they just had nothing to hide from each other. As they had come to trust one another, she'd found that he was screwed up enough to understand her.
Of course, she had the record of being screwed up. After all, she'd sold her . . .
Goten watched Jita adopt the same far-away look she always got when she was brooding on hell. He wondered if he got that far-away look when he was brooding. Maybe so, but never the inner torture. That fire of pain he could only occasionally dispel from her mind. He could practically hear that horrible voice talking to her, and knew it must be doubly torturous not to respond. He admired Jita for that. Of course, he admired her for everything, right down to every angry glare she gave him.
But the voice just scared him. He wanted to protect Jita - to keep both body and soul safe, but he knew he couldn't. You had to be pure good to defeat pure evil - and he couldn't claim that. Goten's bitterness was too great. And he'd let it grow, from a small child at the 25th tournament to now. The bitterness and restlessness had consumed him - ruled him. He could fool everyone else, though Trunks had suspicions. But Goten had masked everything with cheerfulness, even, ironically, studying and imitating his father. It had worked out perfectly . . .
At least, until, at the age of ten, Goten had lost the ability to ride Nimbus.
Goku had been the only one to witness it. Over time Goku was finally able to see past Goten's façade, so the boy stopped putting it up when he was with his father. Sometimes he'd been perversely relieved to only have Goku around, so that he would no longer have to pretend. And Goku didn't say anything - barely even noticed. Or maybe just didn't want to notice - didn't want to take the responsibility.
Falling through Nimbus had really hurt. Not in the physical sense, since he had recovered quickly by flying, but emotionally. Goten knew he wasn't pure anymore. He knew the full extent of what he had lost. The legacy of the pure-hearted warrior that had passed from Goku to Gohan. And now probably from Gohan to Pan. And Goten had lost it, and could never reclaim it.
Maybe it wasn't anger at his father. Maybe it was shame.
"The fire burned out."
Goten jerked from his ponderings at Jita's voice. He'd been so lost in thought he'd completely forgotten about the fire. It laid there, only a wisp of smoke rising from the ashes. He considered just leaving it, but he noticed Jita shivering, so he started to rebuild the fire.
"By the way. Why are you always so cold, anyway?" Goten asked as her shivering subsided.
Jita, startled, cursed her own weakness. She hadn't meant for him to notice, but she couldn't help it. It was just so cold. "It was hot in hell. Not the fire and brimstone kind of hot I read in Earth legends of hell. Nothing so dramatic. More like a perpetual hot summer day. I got used to it."
"You'd probably be comfortable living at the Kame House."
"Don't you think it's crowded enough already?"
Goten laughed, and then sank into silence, occasionally poking at the fire to keep it going. She rarely talked about hell so casually. "So what exactly makes hell so terrible if it's not the heat? I've heard from dad that it doesn't look so bad," he said conversationally.
Jita drew her knees to her chest. "The people," she replied simply.
This time the silence was more absolute and less comfortable. Goten felt like smacking himself. Why couldn't he just keep his big mouth shut? 'Let's see,' he thought sarcastically, 'how can I make her feel as bad as possible. Oh, yeah! Talk about the place she spent in absolute torment! That's a great idea!'
Jita watched his thoughts and emotions play on his face - guessing, almost reading each thought. He was afraid he'd cause her to go into another fit - to cause her pain. Didn't he know that she was used to pain? Didn't he know the fits were beyond anyone's control? Apparently not. But why was he so worried about her! 'The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things . . .' The inane rhyme ram through her head. Where had she heard it? Oh, yeah. Bra had forced Vegeta to read it to her. But the walrus had a point. She had to ask Goten something serious.
"Goten," Jita began cautiously, getting his attention, "I know you've thought of this. Humans, and part humans, talk and think almost of nothing else. I want a straight answer. Do you love me?"
"Do I . . . of course I love you!"
"No, not 'of course.' Why? How? I . . . don't understand."
Goten was really confused now - and panicked. Was this her way of ending the relationship? "I don't know what you mean."
Jita could no longer stand to look in his eyes - those soulful eyes. "I'm dirty. Blood of thousands on my hands. Do you know what that means? I killed. Hardened warriors, helpless bystanders, innocent children. Babies, Goten. I killed them all, with hardly a thought. I'm dirty. I was forced into the quarters of almost every elite warrior stronger than myself. I stupidly allowed myself to be raped, from the age of fifteen. I aborted a baby. A baby, Goten. I'm dirty. I sold my soul. I gave myself to selfish revenge, and let myself be tortured for years. Goten, how could you love me? Don't you know what I am? I haven't hidden it from you. Why won't you scare away?"
Goten grabbed Jita, pulling her into a rough embrace, silencing her. She was near tears, but she wouldn't allow that. "I love you," he choked out through his own repressed tears. "I can't let you keep torturing yourself. You're stronger than that." Goten grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. "I love you. You're the only one in the universe screwed up enough for me to understand. No matter how much you hate yourself, I don't hate you. I know this sounds unbelievably sappy, and we can both gag later, but this is for real. I want you to know what we have - what we share. I love you for every word you say. I love you for everything you do. I love you for your power and your beauty. I love you for your past, present, and future. We can't escape - we can't get rid of it. I've tried. You've tried. I don't know why. You deserve a better man than me, and to prove that point I want to keep you to myself anyway. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It doesn't matter if you go to hell. I'll follow you. See if I don't. So I don't want to hear any more talk of my hating you. Understand?"
Jita was stunned. She didn't even try to twist out of his grip. She'd wanted to talk, but she hadn't expected this. His stare was pinning her in place. For once she couldn't even hear the voice. Just Goten. "So you're saying," she began slowly, "you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"
The anger left Goten's face, but not the intensity. "I guess I'm kind of asking it. On this planet we call it marriage. Will you? Marry me, I mean? You don't have to if you don't want to," he started babbling. "I mean, if you don't feel the same way, or if you're not ready for it, or . . ."
Jita brought her hand to Goten's lips, silencing him. "This - marriage. I've read about it. I . . . I can't believe I'm saying this . . . I want to, but . . . no. No. At least, not right now. I'm in college and you're living in the wilderness and . . ."
This time Goten interrupted. "Gotcha," he said, both distraught and disappointed. "Tell ya what? Why don't you tell me what needs to happen before we get married? That way you won't have to say no again. I'll stop pestering you about it."
Jita ran her fingers through her hair. That sounded reasonable. Besides, he looked so broken and vulnerable before her. She'd actually been pondering this for a while now. She'd wanted to become mates with Goten, but she felt unprepared for it. "All right. I'll tell you. One." She held up her forefinger. "You have to beat me in a fight. And I won't make it easy," she added with a smile.
Goten smiled back. "You won't have to." That part would definitely be fun.
"Two." She added her middle finger, counting off. "I need to finish college. I just have one more year, and I don't need to be married when I have so many difficult classes."
Goten nodded, but was then concerned when he saw Jita struggling for words. "What, Jita? What's the third one?"
Jita steeled herself. She didn't know how Goten would react, but it had to be said. "Three and final." She added her ring finger, the finger that would hold the symbol of their union. "You have to finish your wilderness training and reconcile with your father."
Her words had been rushed, but every syllable had seemed like a blow to Goten. Reconcile with his father? Impossible. Not after an entire life of estrangement. How could he reconcile when they'd never been close? It was - well - impossible. More likely for Vegeta to join the Boy Scouts.
But again his emotions were showing plainly on his face, and Jita was prepared. "Goten, I . . . never know my father. Not really. I know he was the king, and I know he tried to have me killed and sold Vegeta to Frieza. I also know he died while openly defying Frieza and trying to save Vegeta. I always hated him, and never got a chance to know him. I . . . well . . . I regret that. But you have a chance that I don't. Use it. It's not as hopeless as you think. Nothing is hopeless on this planet - not even death."
She paused, and winced, knowing her own death to be hopeless. Goten noticed it, but couldn't say anything. The emotions had gotten too thick at Goten's peaceful wasteland. They were both hurting. She was right. How could they get married now? They . . . weren't ready. Not in the least. He knew he had to grow up. It was just so . . . hard. He felt Jita leave, but couldn't find the energy to look up, or to stop her. He shook his head violently, overwhelmed by his own thoughts, and jumped up. He took one more look at the fire before smothering it. Enough sitting around. Enough introspection. Time to train.
Author's Notes: Next chapter I'm writing will be among studying for finals. You may be able to tell. Definitely putting it out before Christmas vacation. Thanks to all my reviewers: anonymous cat (I think Vegeta's sweet too. Goodness, I hope I haven't made him too sweet. Gotta be careful about that.), Omega (didn't have to wait too long), Dark Wolf (*wipes up drool and hands Wolf biscuit* Leftovers from homecooking for one of my favorite authors. Piccolo's the man, and so is Pikkon.), and tim333. Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!
Author's Notes: Just a short update. Nothing like my last update. But I spent part of Thanksgiving writing this, so I decided to put it out. It does get a lot said. Enjoy.
Chapter 25: Not Ready
Jita watched intently, downright nervous, almost scared, for his reaction. She had told him everything about her, and he was so nonjudgmental, so understanding. But still, this was completely different.
Goten scrunched his brow a bit, completely enjoying drawing out the torture. Finally, after he'd had enough satisfaction from her expression, he ended it. "This . . ." he said as Jita leaned forward, "is wonderful."
Jita sat back in relief. "You really think so? You're not just saying that?" she asked as she served her own plate. To which Goten smiled and, more Goku-like than usual Saiyan-like, wolfed the food down. Jita laughed and began to eat as well.
Goten slowed in his eating a bit. "I guess those cooking lessons with Mom really did pay off. It tastes just like Mom's cooking."
"It would have tasted better if I hadn't had to warm it up again when I got here. I thought teleporting would keep it from getting cold, but I was mistaken. And contrary to popular belief, the lessons from Chichi were not that bad. She only acts the way she does to keep control of you men."
"So, you actually got the better end of the deal." Piccolo had actually tried to get Goten to take Pan and Bra for a few hours, but Goten had taken much mischievous satisfaction in telling Piccolo that it would not be honorable to go back on an agreement. Plus, the two girls had practically fallen in love with their new playmate. While Piccolo had been speaking to Goten, the chibis were busy making his cape billow out and making whooshing noises. Jita had actually laughed when Goten had told her that. And that had made it all worthwhile.
Jita filled her plate again. "You should have been there. It will not happen again."
"What makes you think I wasn't there?" Goten smiled at her confused expression. "Why didn't you use ki invisibility, anyway? You didn't use instant transmission, either."
Ki invisibility. A useful, yet draining, technique. Plus you had to be perfectly still. "I needed to conserve energy. Besides, I had no problem with variety and originality."
"Ha! You were pretty dang close to Piccolo in control. It's just that that's his specialty. My dad's the best at everything and he still can't beat Piccolo's ki control."
Jita eyed Goten, noting the bitterness in the last sentence. No matter how much of an anchor Goten seemed to the girl, he still had problems. Parental issues. She got that. Her own father had tried to have her killed and had sold her brother into slavery. Not that Kakarrot was in any way similar to King Vegeta, but she understood Goten's feelings of inferiority. And the feeling of everyone practically worshipping his father and brother. That's how it had been for the first few years of her life - living in the shadows of her father and Vegeta. That's why, despite the strangeness of it all, she was trying to help him. At least he was telling her these things. For some reason they just had nothing to hide from each other. As they had come to trust one another, she'd found that he was screwed up enough to understand her.
Of course, she had the record of being screwed up. After all, she'd sold her . . .
Goten watched Jita adopt the same far-away look she always got when she was brooding on hell. He wondered if he got that far-away look when he was brooding. Maybe so, but never the inner torture. That fire of pain he could only occasionally dispel from her mind. He could practically hear that horrible voice talking to her, and knew it must be doubly torturous not to respond. He admired Jita for that. Of course, he admired her for everything, right down to every angry glare she gave him.
But the voice just scared him. He wanted to protect Jita - to keep both body and soul safe, but he knew he couldn't. You had to be pure good to defeat pure evil - and he couldn't claim that. Goten's bitterness was too great. And he'd let it grow, from a small child at the 25th tournament to now. The bitterness and restlessness had consumed him - ruled him. He could fool everyone else, though Trunks had suspicions. But Goten had masked everything with cheerfulness, even, ironically, studying and imitating his father. It had worked out perfectly . . .
At least, until, at the age of ten, Goten had lost the ability to ride Nimbus.
Goku had been the only one to witness it. Over time Goku was finally able to see past Goten's façade, so the boy stopped putting it up when he was with his father. Sometimes he'd been perversely relieved to only have Goku around, so that he would no longer have to pretend. And Goku didn't say anything - barely even noticed. Or maybe just didn't want to notice - didn't want to take the responsibility.
Falling through Nimbus had really hurt. Not in the physical sense, since he had recovered quickly by flying, but emotionally. Goten knew he wasn't pure anymore. He knew the full extent of what he had lost. The legacy of the pure-hearted warrior that had passed from Goku to Gohan. And now probably from Gohan to Pan. And Goten had lost it, and could never reclaim it.
Maybe it wasn't anger at his father. Maybe it was shame.
"The fire burned out."
Goten jerked from his ponderings at Jita's voice. He'd been so lost in thought he'd completely forgotten about the fire. It laid there, only a wisp of smoke rising from the ashes. He considered just leaving it, but he noticed Jita shivering, so he started to rebuild the fire.
"By the way. Why are you always so cold, anyway?" Goten asked as her shivering subsided.
Jita, startled, cursed her own weakness. She hadn't meant for him to notice, but she couldn't help it. It was just so cold. "It was hot in hell. Not the fire and brimstone kind of hot I read in Earth legends of hell. Nothing so dramatic. More like a perpetual hot summer day. I got used to it."
"You'd probably be comfortable living at the Kame House."
"Don't you think it's crowded enough already?"
Goten laughed, and then sank into silence, occasionally poking at the fire to keep it going. She rarely talked about hell so casually. "So what exactly makes hell so terrible if it's not the heat? I've heard from dad that it doesn't look so bad," he said conversationally.
Jita drew her knees to her chest. "The people," she replied simply.
This time the silence was more absolute and less comfortable. Goten felt like smacking himself. Why couldn't he just keep his big mouth shut? 'Let's see,' he thought sarcastically, 'how can I make her feel as bad as possible. Oh, yeah! Talk about the place she spent in absolute torment! That's a great idea!'
Jita watched his thoughts and emotions play on his face - guessing, almost reading each thought. He was afraid he'd cause her to go into another fit - to cause her pain. Didn't he know that she was used to pain? Didn't he know the fits were beyond anyone's control? Apparently not. But why was he so worried about her! 'The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things . . .' The inane rhyme ram through her head. Where had she heard it? Oh, yeah. Bra had forced Vegeta to read it to her. But the walrus had a point. She had to ask Goten something serious.
"Goten," Jita began cautiously, getting his attention, "I know you've thought of this. Humans, and part humans, talk and think almost of nothing else. I want a straight answer. Do you love me?"
"Do I . . . of course I love you!"
"No, not 'of course.' Why? How? I . . . don't understand."
Goten was really confused now - and panicked. Was this her way of ending the relationship? "I don't know what you mean."
Jita could no longer stand to look in his eyes - those soulful eyes. "I'm dirty. Blood of thousands on my hands. Do you know what that means? I killed. Hardened warriors, helpless bystanders, innocent children. Babies, Goten. I killed them all, with hardly a thought. I'm dirty. I was forced into the quarters of almost every elite warrior stronger than myself. I stupidly allowed myself to be raped, from the age of fifteen. I aborted a baby. A baby, Goten. I'm dirty. I sold my soul. I gave myself to selfish revenge, and let myself be tortured for years. Goten, how could you love me? Don't you know what I am? I haven't hidden it from you. Why won't you scare away?"
Goten grabbed Jita, pulling her into a rough embrace, silencing her. She was near tears, but she wouldn't allow that. "I love you," he choked out through his own repressed tears. "I can't let you keep torturing yourself. You're stronger than that." Goten grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look into his eyes. "I love you. You're the only one in the universe screwed up enough for me to understand. No matter how much you hate yourself, I don't hate you. I know this sounds unbelievably sappy, and we can both gag later, but this is for real. I want you to know what we have - what we share. I love you for every word you say. I love you for everything you do. I love you for your power and your beauty. I love you for your past, present, and future. We can't escape - we can't get rid of it. I've tried. You've tried. I don't know why. You deserve a better man than me, and to prove that point I want to keep you to myself anyway. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It doesn't matter if you go to hell. I'll follow you. See if I don't. So I don't want to hear any more talk of my hating you. Understand?"
Jita was stunned. She didn't even try to twist out of his grip. She'd wanted to talk, but she hadn't expected this. His stare was pinning her in place. For once she couldn't even hear the voice. Just Goten. "So you're saying," she began slowly, "you want to spend the rest of your life with me?"
The anger left Goten's face, but not the intensity. "I guess I'm kind of asking it. On this planet we call it marriage. Will you? Marry me, I mean? You don't have to if you don't want to," he started babbling. "I mean, if you don't feel the same way, or if you're not ready for it, or . . ."
Jita brought her hand to Goten's lips, silencing him. "This - marriage. I've read about it. I . . . I can't believe I'm saying this . . . I want to, but . . . no. No. At least, not right now. I'm in college and you're living in the wilderness and . . ."
This time Goten interrupted. "Gotcha," he said, both distraught and disappointed. "Tell ya what? Why don't you tell me what needs to happen before we get married? That way you won't have to say no again. I'll stop pestering you about it."
Jita ran her fingers through her hair. That sounded reasonable. Besides, he looked so broken and vulnerable before her. She'd actually been pondering this for a while now. She'd wanted to become mates with Goten, but she felt unprepared for it. "All right. I'll tell you. One." She held up her forefinger. "You have to beat me in a fight. And I won't make it easy," she added with a smile.
Goten smiled back. "You won't have to." That part would definitely be fun.
"Two." She added her middle finger, counting off. "I need to finish college. I just have one more year, and I don't need to be married when I have so many difficult classes."
Goten nodded, but was then concerned when he saw Jita struggling for words. "What, Jita? What's the third one?"
Jita steeled herself. She didn't know how Goten would react, but it had to be said. "Three and final." She added her ring finger, the finger that would hold the symbol of their union. "You have to finish your wilderness training and reconcile with your father."
Her words had been rushed, but every syllable had seemed like a blow to Goten. Reconcile with his father? Impossible. Not after an entire life of estrangement. How could he reconcile when they'd never been close? It was - well - impossible. More likely for Vegeta to join the Boy Scouts.
But again his emotions were showing plainly on his face, and Jita was prepared. "Goten, I . . . never know my father. Not really. I know he was the king, and I know he tried to have me killed and sold Vegeta to Frieza. I also know he died while openly defying Frieza and trying to save Vegeta. I always hated him, and never got a chance to know him. I . . . well . . . I regret that. But you have a chance that I don't. Use it. It's not as hopeless as you think. Nothing is hopeless on this planet - not even death."
She paused, and winced, knowing her own death to be hopeless. Goten noticed it, but couldn't say anything. The emotions had gotten too thick at Goten's peaceful wasteland. They were both hurting. She was right. How could they get married now? They . . . weren't ready. Not in the least. He knew he had to grow up. It was just so . . . hard. He felt Jita leave, but couldn't find the energy to look up, or to stop her. He shook his head violently, overwhelmed by his own thoughts, and jumped up. He took one more look at the fire before smothering it. Enough sitting around. Enough introspection. Time to train.
Author's Notes: Next chapter I'm writing will be among studying for finals. You may be able to tell. Definitely putting it out before Christmas vacation. Thanks to all my reviewers: anonymous cat (I think Vegeta's sweet too. Goodness, I hope I haven't made him too sweet. Gotta be careful about that.), Omega (didn't have to wait too long), Dark Wolf (*wipes up drool and hands Wolf biscuit* Leftovers from homecooking for one of my favorite authors. Piccolo's the man, and so is Pikkon.), and tim333. Hope you all had a happy Thanksgiving!
