Chapter Ten

Beard guy was staring at her again. Buffy could feel his eyes on the back of her head just as surely as she would if he were poking her. If he kept it up she was going to do some violent poking of her own.

Wait, that sounded wrong…

Ugh, she needed to get her head straight. There were some serious conversations coming up and here she was with her mind in the gutter after her and Juan's little kissing session on that glow-y platform. She was torn between wanting to clear the air and wanting to bail. Who knew how long Bal would wait around for her…

Glancing to her right and to her left again, she imagined sneaking out of all the pomp and circumstance of the Queen's little speech, but it seemed rude. Not rude to the Queen, she didn't really care about that, but to Juan.

Plus, she still had a bone to pick with him. She knew he had a lot of questions of his own, but come on. He was a freaking Jedi this whole time? He'd just left when he knew there was a war coming to the Factory District! What kind of warrior for good did that?

She bit her tongue though, not because grilling him in the middle of a political speech was out of line, but because she had no idea what to say. It brought up a glaring question that had been gnawing at her since her fight with Maul.

Did not saving someone when you could make you guilty of their death?

Reaching up, she rubbed her gritty eyes and saw Maul behind her lids – head cocked slightly like a curious bird during their last exchange.

"Why are you here?" He asked.

The fight was reaching a fever pitch – not really a time for conversation – but Buffy was never one to shy away from an inappropriately timed chat.

"Well, you see, battles to the death with spiky headed minions of evil are kinda what I do. There's a whole little spiel that goes along with it, but it's kind of old hat now-"

"You joke but, though I can't sense it, there is much anger in you," he interrupted, easily parrying her next move though his eyes didn't leave hers.

"Aren't you suddenly chatty."

"You're about to die. The dead offer no answers."

"I don't get why you're even asking. Of course I'm angry," she said, twisting at an awkward angle to block an incoming strike. "Payback for what happened in the Factory District is long overdue."

"Revenge is your objective?"

"Of course it is," she said. "You killed most of the friends I'd made here, what else was I going to do?"

"The people in the building I saw you enter with the child?" He asked, head cocked to the side curiously.

She nodded, swallowing down the lump that tried to form in her throat. She'd been right, he'd followed her after he'd seen her the first time. It really was her fault they-

"I didn't kill them."

She snorted a laugh. "I knew you were a bastard, but didn't take you for a liar. I found fabric from your little black Master of Doom outfit in one of their hands. I know you were there so don't feed me any crap about-"

"I was looking for you," he said, not blinking and not hesitating. "Black Sun members followed me and killed everyone. That woman grabbed me, pleaded with me to save them."

Buffy shook her head. No way was that true. She'd seen the damage he could inflict - he was absolutely capable of killing a building full of innocent people. He was just trying to throw her off balance…

"I left her to die."

"Not that I believe you, but do you actually think that makes it better?" She hissed, her fury climbing and her speed increasing as she attacked. "You think that's okay?"

"It is simply the truth. They weren't worth my notice. You should die here knowing your pursuit of revenge was for naught."

She felt her conviction slip. He wasn't lying…

She wasn't sure how she knew, but, looking into his eyes, she could tell. He didn't kill them. But he let in the Black Sun members that did. He was there, and watched all of them die.

Did that make a difference? Was not saving someone the same as killing them?

Then wasn't she just as guilty as Maul?

Her guard dropped too far and he took advantage of the opening. Slayer instincts overtook her conflict and she moved without thinking.

Then he was falling…

The hand on her shoulder made her jump, and she dropped her hand to see Juan looking at her in concern. The Queen had apparently finished her little thank you speech and everyone was drifting off in different directions.

"Let's get your injury looked at," he said softly. "Then you can get some rest."

"I don't need either one of those," she said, her words harsher than she meant them to be. "What I need is to know why you lied to me. What a Jedi really is. And for you to tell me what the hell was so important you couldn't be there when I-"

She sucked in a sharp breath, cutting herself off. That wasn't fair, she couldn't take out her anger and confusion on him. A little kissing might give her the right to some answers but it didn't mean she could just put everything bad that had happened off on him. Not saving someone meant you made some crappy decisions, but…

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," he said, keeping his voice low as people passed by. "I was under orders to not reveal myself as a Jedi to anyone. I know that-"

"Why?" She asked throwing her hands out in frustration. "I don't understand why someone that's supposed to be some kind of protector of the people would just show up to watch then leave before things got ugly."

"I've been questioning that myself," he said, rubbing a hand over his short hair.

She felt herself deflate as she finally saw how bothered by it he was. Her anger fizzled down to an ember as she remembered that he'd been unhappy about leaving back then - how he'd wanted to stay and was upset that he couldn't. She'd understood then, when she thought he was some kind of criminal. Why had that changed now that she knew he was some kind of space cop? Was it because he hadn't told her the truth or because she held him to a higher standard now that she knew he was one of the "good guys"?

"You wanted to stay and help and they wouldn't let you?" She asked, forcing herself to be more open minded about his decisions. "Whose 'they'?"

"The Jedi High Council. They were afraid the presence of Jedi would make it worse. It's very obvious now that that couldn't have been possible, but at the time they were worried we would cause more panic and escalate the fighting. We were going to come in afterward with aid and clean up the area, but-"

"There was no one left to give aid to," she flatly.

"No," he said softly. "There wasn't…"

The Jedi Council, huh? So even this universe had a group of asshats that felt like they should make everyone's decisions for them.

"I think – I think I'm going to leave the Jedi order," he said, catching her off guard with his vulnerable stare. "I've see the good you do. The people you help. That's what I want."

She shifted uncomfortably, unprepared for the direction their Q&A suddenly took.

"Listen, I'm no one's role model. I mean, look at me – I live in the worst areas, tons of people would love to see me dead and a lot of the ones that don't want that end up dead. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of."

"I'm not expecting riches and fame," he said with a slight quirk of his lips. "I just want to feel like I'm making a difference."

"You just saved a planet," she said. "Brought its Queen back and organized some kind of resistance, right? I think that's making a difference on a much larger scale than anything I do beating up guys in alleys."

"Well said," another voice joined in.

"Crap," Buffy muttered, seeing Beard guy join them with none other but the Queen of Naboo.

Buffy's lip curled down at their arrival. Partially in sympathy because that outfit the Queen was wearing looked ridiculously uncomfortable, not to mention the hair, but mostly because the Queen talked sooooo slowly. She was never going to get out of there at this rate! Bal was going to leave her there!

"Uh, well, look like you guys have some important… stuff to talk about," she said, inching backwards. "Not a place for little old me. I'm going to head out, catch my ride, I'll, uh, talk to you later."

The last was directed at Juan who was looking at her like she was crazy. Beard guy looked like he was holding in a laugh – but he'd looked like that every time she'd seen him so maybe that was just his face. The Queen looked… blank. Okay, out.

She heard Juan call her name as she slipped between a few gangly long eared aliens, but kept on moving. She really didn't want to get stranded on this planet and Bal wasn't exactly known for his patience. It wasn't like Juan didn't know where to find her.

Plus, she needed some time to process…

Slipping quickly through the empty halls, she made it back to her speeder bike (after one or two or ten wrong turns) and headed in the direction of the ship.

Or maybe not.

Because when she got to the spot she swore the ship had been there was nothing but an empty space.

"Uh, hello? Bal? Did you figure out that invisibility thing while I was gone?" She called hopefully.

Admitting defeat, her shoulders slumped. He'd actually left without her! She wasn't sure why she was surprised...

"Looks like you'll need a lift."

The somewhat familiar voice had her whipping around, hand dropping automatically to the handle of her laser sword at her belt. Damn, she just remembered she'd wanted to swipe Maul's dual ended one…

Beard guy was standing a few feet away, leaning against a tree.

"How the hell did you do that?" She asked in bewilderment.

She hadn't felt anything. Not that she got any evil tinglies from - wait she could remember this… Key? (she really needed to get these guys to fill out some name tags. A little "My Name is _" would really help her out) – but she usually at least knew when someone was following her.

"Jedi secret," he smiled.

"And you used your super-secret Jedi trick to follow me because…"

For the first time she saw the playful smile drop from his face.

"I think you and I need to have a talk."


Obi Wan looked down at Anakin with a frown, which the boy gave right back to him.

"Don't blame this on me," Anakin said with a shrug as R2D2 beeped as if in agreeance.

True, it wasn't Anakin's fault that Qui Gon had stuck him with Obi Wan and taken off to parts unknown. Or maybe parts that were known, since it was somewhat telling that he disappeared not long after Buffy had. Her running off like that had been bad enough.

Kissing her had been… There weren't really words. And if there were, they weren't ones Obi Wan knew. He just knew that he could've stayed on that platform with her forever.

Unfortunately, Qui Gon had interrupted with a cough and a reminder that the Queen was now running around without her Jedi guards and that it might be a good idea to make sure she hadn't been captured or murdered.

While Obi Wan liked to think it might have been his prowess with his mouth that had Buffy joining him, he was almost certain it was a combination of her wanting more answers about his Jedi status and the curiosity about the Queen (she'd seemed remarkably clueless about the current political status of the planet she was on).

Then she'd just taken off! Like she was the only one due answers! She shows up fighting a Sith Lord with a Sith lightsaber, and wins, and then thinks she's the only one with questions?!

Obi Wan clenched his jaw and put his hand on Anakin's shoulder, steering him through the crowd toward the Queen and her handmaidens.

"I'm terribly sorry your highness, I have some Jedi business to attend to. Could Anakin stay here for a little while?"

"Chasing a girl isn't Jedi business," Anakin muttered under his breath, causing R2D2 to chirp another agreement. At Obi Wan's sharp look, he shrugged defiantly. "I don't need a baby sitter."

"It would be our honor," the Queen interrupted, giving Anakin a tiny smile that shut him up immediately.

"Thank you," he bowed, backing up. "I'll be back as quickly as I can."

With that he swiftly took off, following Qui Gon's rapidly shrinking presence. Obi Wan cocked his head slightly in confusion. It wasn't that his Master was moving that quickly, it was that he was purposely concealing himself. Now the question was – was the purpose to keep Obi Wan from following or to keep Buffy from knowing she was being followed? Or both?

He paused just outside of the palace grounds, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes while he focused on cloaking his own presence. It might not have been as effective as Qui Gon's but hopefully it would keep his Master from knowing he was being followed for a little while.

Being that he couldn't sense him anymore, Obi Wan continued in the direction he'd last sensed his Master, hoping he'd come across him. Lucky for him it wasn't long before he heard Qui Gon's voice.

"Seeing as you knocked me on the floor more times in one day than I've been since I was a youngling, I think you owe me a few minutes of your time."

"Pff," came the eloquent reply that was all Buffy. "If you'd stayed out of my business then I wouldn't have had to do that."

"See, now that's part of what I feel we should talk about - why exactly was that Sith your business?"

Obi Wan's shoulder's tightened. It was a question he had himself planned to ask, but hearing it come from Qui Gon irritated him because he knew the inference his Master was making.

But didn't I also wonder of their past?

He hated that little inking of doubt, but it was kept him silent and waiting to hear Buffy's response.

"I don't see how that's any of your business either," came the flat response. "The way I see it, you just showed up out of nowhere, got in my way and now think you're owed some kind of answers?"

"Obi Wan is my business," Qui Gon answered, his usually light voice going hard. "And he's made you his so that makes you my business as well."

"Made me 'his' is a little- Oh, you mean his business," Buffy laughed uncomfortably, making Obi Wan grin.

"Well, if the way he was kissing you was any indication, then I'd wager that your first assumption is something he's planning on as well."

Embarrassment warred with amusement as Obi Wan fought the urge to peek around the tree he was behind to see Buffy's face. He'd put up with Qui Gon's unusual brand of humor for long enough that it was commonplace, but Buffy-

"That's good to know – I'd hate to think he kissed all his friends like that."

Leave it to Buffy to be perfectly fine with that kind of inappropriate humor…

"You consider him a friend," Qui Gon said.

"I do," was the guarded reply.

"Even though he lied to you."

"Again I have to ask why you think this is your business? Because just caring about Obi Wan doesn't give you the right to be his stand in for a conversation he and I should have. A personal conversation."

"A conversation you ran from."

"I didn't- I just postponed it for a little bit. We'll get to it. Without your help."

"There are very few beings in the universe that can't be sensed by the Force," came Qui Gon's non sequitur.

Obi Wan felt himself tense again, knowing where this was headed, even as Buffy gave a confused and drawn out "oooookay…"

"Let's get to the point, shall we?" Qui Gon said, all humor gone again.

"I really wish you would."

"Very few beings can't be sensed by the Force – and none of them are good. You show up here wielding a Sith weapon with great precision. You obviously have some sort of history with this Sith Lord. And I can't sense anything from you at all. Sith only exist in pairs – Master and Apprentice."

Obi Wan had had enough. Accusing Buffy of-

"That's all well and good, but first you have to tell me what a 'Sith' is exactly."

And once again he was biting back a smile – this time wishing he could see Qui Gon's face.

"I'm guessing some kind of evil Jedi?" She went on. "Because I didn't even think Jedi were real until today, so how could I be some kind of evil version of that. And if I were a Jedi, I'd totally be better at it then you and your Council."

"You admit you know nothing of Jedi but judge its ways…"

"I know people died," came the hard answer. "That the Jedi knew that there were innocent people in an area that was going to be a warzone and that they did nothing. I may not know much about Jedi, but I know more than I want to about organizations that think they know better than anyone else and that think it's their right to determine who gets saved and how."

A beat of tense silence followed before Qui Gon continued.

"There's a lot of anger in you…"

"Funny, that's the second time I've heard that today."

"That's why it's dangerous for Obi Wan to be around you."

"Excuse me?'

"Jedi's possess great power through the Force. That power can corrupt if proper precautions aren't taken. Attachments lead to fear, fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to-"

"Yeah, and eating could lead to indigestion. Flying could lead to crashing. Seriously, that's the Jedi mantra? Don't get attached? Don't feel anything? Don't do good stuff because bad stuff could happen? No wonder he wants out."

"You don't understand the Force," Qui Gon said, his frustration clear in his words. "Corruption is a path too easily taken when emotions are involved. The evil that can come from not having the discipline-"

"I know that you don't have to be a Jedi or have whatever this Force thing is you're talking about to do horrible things," Buffy interrupted. "And I know you can't push away everything that makes life worth living because of what might happen."

"Jedi strive for the greater good of all. They give up what they must for this. It's called 'sacrifice', Buffy," Qui Gon said harshly.

Obi Wan stepped out from his hiding place, having had enough of Qui Gon's interference and accusations. He was ready to put an end to this conversation, but Buffy apparently didn't need his intervention…

"Do NOT lecture me on sacrifice," she snarled at Qui Gon with more anger than Obi Wan had ever seen from her before – so much so that his Master actually took a step back. "I've lost more than you can ever even imagine having."

The tense stare down lasted only seconds before Buffy turned away, tight shoulders slowly drooping. After a few deep breaths she turned back to Qui Gon, anger gone.

"How can you think," she asked in what seemed to be honest bewilderment. "That you can truly protect something you don't really care about?"

Shock sizzled through Obi Wan at that simple statement and he felt the same through Qui Gon, shielding forgotten.

"If you can't love life, or people, or places – really love them - how can you put your everything into keeping them safe?" She asked with a head shake. "Just like you can't have light without darkness or good without evil, you can't have true strength without weakness."

Qui Gon didn't seem to have a rebuttal for that. Neither did Obi Wan - because there wasn't one. When he'd brought up leaving the Order to her earlier, she'd made him second guess his decision once again with pointing out the fact a planet was now saved because of the actions of the Jedi. But it wasn't. It was the love the Gungan's had for their planet, the love the Queen had for her people, the love the people had for their Queen – those were the things that truly saved Naboo. If he and Qui Gon hadn't been there two other Jedi would have taken their place to likely the same result. And if he'd been assigned to another mission, would he have even given the goings on here a second thought?

He found it doubtful, and that wasn't the type of person he wanted to be. It wasn't the sort of life he wanted to live.

Qui Gon's eyes met his, seeming unsurprised to see him there. And, while he could still feel the sadness, he also felt understanding from him. His decision was made.

"So," Buffy said, looking between them – also not surprised at his arrival. "This is a little awkward now, but… any chance I can get a ride?"